₦airaland Forum

Abuheekmat:
that's how Allah puts it.

Allah knows best..


..
no kid will forget nor not find his or her mother... no matter what the case may be..

the responsibility of taking care of children is for father not Mother..


.. when she remarries, she won't burden the new husband with the responsibility of her children.

Allah knows best.


.

like i said, it's best to settle the case..

let me give you an hadith on it..

@bold, I understand but the man can send money to the woman to cater for the kids right? The man is not ready to continue the marriage and he doesn't care for the kids.


Another thing is the womans daughter might need a female to guide her on everything about being a woman after puberty and the dad is not in a proper position to teach her those things. And fear of maltreatment from his new wife is another issue for the kids.

Can a concession be made in this case for her to keep the kids?

Or can they just separate without divorcing so that she can keep the children

Thanks for your time

Empiree:
she can definitely seek assistance of Islamic leadership. And what I meant by "it is not necessarily Islamic thing" is about custody. Actually in most divorce cases, the process is identical with Islam and common law. The difference is Islam proceedings make sense in the sense of Will (ogun) than Western one. I think she should seek help from both families and call on local imams to intervene.

This may not resolve the issue permanently as the husband could do as he wishes after meeting. But court is the law. This is why I suggested family court.

Yes I believe family court would be best in this situation
I don't even know anything about family court, I will have to research it to see if it will help her keep the kids.

Abuheekmat:
if the man remarries.. the woman Will give him all the kid.
if she remarries, she will return the kids back to him.


..
it's best to settle their dispute instead of talaq

Wow, so either way the man gets the kids whether he is the one remarrying or not?

He is not even a responsible person, left his family for a month and only sent text to his wife.

Abuheekmat:
concerning who owns the kids.

Thanks for the info.

I doubt the man will divorce her, he want her to pronounce the divorce so as to justify his taking the children from her, so that he can say she is the one that wants to end the marriage not him but from his actions he isn't interested in her anymore.

So what you are saying is that she can keep all her kids both male and female as long as she doesn't get married?

Will the man also give the kids to her if he remarries?

AbdulHakeem44:
One of the matters on which there is scholarly consensus is that the woman is more entitled to custody of the child so long as he has not reached the age of discernment, as the child at that stage needs the kind of compassion and care that only women can give, but this right is forfeited if the woman remarries, because she will be distracted by her new husband from taking care of her child, and because there is a conflict of interest between the child and the new husband. Ibn al-Mundhir (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated that there was scholarly consensus that the mother’s right to custody is forfeited if she remarries. 


But make sure proper divorce or khullu is done before she leaves.

OK thanks so much.

So the custody of the children will go to the man if she remarries?
What if the man remarries, will she keep the kids because it seems he has a woman outside that he is planning to replace her with.

If she leaves her kids with him the new stepmother might maltreat them.

Empiree:
This is not about who takes custody Islamically. Both parents are entitled but women tend to have more right due to their caring nature, perhaps. In this case, they are still legally married but they are only separated Divorce has yet to take place. Their case may have to be settled within the family if they aren't interesting in legal adjudication.

Again, in any sane court, interest of the child comes first. So taking custody depends on factors affecting either parents. A child can not be in environment that is unhealthy. There is possibility that they may reconcile after they calm their nerves and shun divorce. So Divorce is off the table for now. .

Thanks so much
The man doesn't want to outrightly pronounce talaq, he is just systematically distancing himself from her so that she will get tired and go and the blame of divorce will be on her not him.

Anyway from your post I think you are saying it is not a must for them to follow Islamic process in determining custody?
I doubt the mans family will let her go with the kids especially since she has no legal court marriage certificate. Her saving grace is to invoke Islamic law and involve imams in her area if they try to take her kids that's why I wanted to know what Islamic law states.

M

Salam all.

I am asking this question because of a Muslim sister who is having issues in her marriage.

Her husband fails to provide for the family and he is hardly even around for days, the last time he showed up he disappeared again for a month and then sent a text to his wife saying she can leave if she is tired of the marriage but she must leave the children behind, she cannot take them with her.

She didn't do court marriage so she cannot fight for custody with Nigerian laws so what is she supposed to do regarding custody of the kids?

In Islam who keeps the kids after divorce, the man or woman?

Thanks for your help.

@ Abuheekmat, lukgaf, empiree, lanrexlan, Rashduct4luv and everyone else

I need more feedback.

Modified, the guy is OK. I had no issues with him.

mojeco:
I have been dealing with tugrow for the past 6months and I have never had issues with him.Tugrow logistic is still one of the best compared to other logistic company in terms of shipping fee and customer services. This is festive period there is always delay in delivery of goods and its apply to all logistics company not tugrow alone because of customs issues in shippment of goods imported to the country.
Regarding the battery goods I will advice you call him and talk to him.I know of some shipping company that will bill you higher if 1 single wristwatch is among your goods because of that wristwatch they will call all your goods battery goods.

I understand you but why not talk to him directly instead of spoiling his image because its not good at all.

How much do you pay him for clearing goods, how much is the dollar per kg?
Please it's very important to me, thanks

amorprincesa:
That's the reason why I can't bring myself to watching it. Hubby mildly summarized and I so hate the movie. It's still on my iPad though, now that am seeing all this morals, I will just delete it. Lemme not watch what will make me cry.

Even reading the description on this thread is raising my BP.

I haven't even watched it but I am already so angry.

Saffi:
It’s absolutely disgusting. A slave in disguise of a wife who will worship her king without any say or arguments. Thank God women collect small sense in this decade, we are not accepting the bare minimum from these men anymore, and they’re trying to fight against it.

Lol, its the breadwinning part that really makes me annoyed.

Woman must be breadwinner like her husband but they won't see cooking or cleaning or going to market as husband responsibility.

Saffi:
So you want a lady who loves cooking, but women should manage a guy who is average? When we talk average in naija, its on the line of below average. What I’ve realised about Nigerian men is that they like to take take take with giving as little as possible, you want a babe that can cook, educated, beautiful, submissive, faithful , the list goes on. Let a woman have a requirement of a well to do man, you start bickering. I thank God I don’t live in Nigeria anyway, most of you men there are just nothing to write home about.

To add to the list, she should also be a provider like her husband, she must be bringing money to uphold the household while also submitting with humility and respect. All the while being a very good cook who loves the kitchen.
Just imagine the mindset of many Nigerian men.
Very entitled set of people.

The company is nice sha, they are always online to answer enquries, and also honest. Its not fraudulent at all.

Shipping fees is just too expensive. I am now regretting usingbthis company, someone called me the their day to tell me that cost of shipping is now 6.8dollars (about4200 naira) for one kilogram normal shipping.

I just saw another logistics company charging almost half of that for one kilo.

By the way am not posting this for you to come and start pouring anger at me OP, just saying you guys should consider making your shipping charges cheaper. The major reason people do importation is to buy goods cheap. After paying shipping fees that are hefty the whole purpose of importing becomes defeated.

tugrow:
no please or go ahead and register the biscuits with food angecies first

hi
if I am ordering bags from only one store for example in gaobeidan city, will I pay separate shipping fees to the store to supply to my agent in China for all the different types of bags

or just one shipping fee covers all bags in that am ordering from the shop.

tugrow:
no please or go ahead and register the biscuits with food angecies first

thanks

]

chichi234:
I think I agree with you... I guess I have a lot of inhibitions. E.g. I cant give head nor receive. It's disgusting. I can't initiate sex I'm just reclusive when it comes to sex

You are not in love with your husband and maybe your not even attracted to him anymore.
Na common thing.

Men don't know how lucky they are being able to orgasm after every sexual act.

JGracious:
Wait till he clocks 1 year.


https://askthepaediatricians.com/2015/08/deworming-children-when-how-and-how-often/

Thanks a lot

amorprincesa:
Is it not from 1 year old that is allowed for de-worming?

Another mama has been telling me it's 6 months.

Good day all, please who knows what good medication I can use to deworm a ten month old?
Any good dewormer, thanks

Goldenheart002:
Breastfeeding mamas, how market?

Lol, this pic really made me laugh.
Very true, plus the ones that will be twisting and pinching the other breast when one is in their mouth.

djon78:
How old are you?
You think this life is easy?
My dear this life is not easy. It is not a bed of roses.

As it is to man so to woman

And most times women of these age always look at mundane things when choosing men to marry. Then when it starts hitting them, they will start crying.

Look well. There are still a lot of good men out there. Intact there are even more good men than women.

Oga let me hear word abeg. So women look at mundane things then is it men that look at serious things? Many men that choose a wrong wife with their stupid criteria and then be fast to start looking for another woman to sleep with the minute they have any issues in marriage.
Abeg swerve.

SaltLight012:
You seem to have this erroneous belief that some people do have, that men of this world are certainly against women

It's not an erroneous belief, many men certainly wish women continue to live with subservient and inferior status.

mynairaland2018:
What I know for sure is that most married women felt, at some point, exactly what this girl felt. And it's due to expectations being dashed. That's a true story.

And Im even just talking about a normal marriage. Not one with infidelity and addictions. In some cases, the disappointments eventually lead pple down to infidelity and addictions. Addictions to prayer houses also counts as addictions.

So you think most women or majority of women are fools that cannot assess their partner before marriage to know whether to have high expectations or not?
You think most women are so daft to be influenced by Walt Disney into expecting a fairy tale happily ever after, you truly believe women are so stupid that they cannot make sensible deductions of what to expect and that's why they go into marriage and become dissapointed and end up being addicted?

Aunty please speak for only yourself and your circle of friends. As for myself and women I am surrounded by we have sense to logically deduce our expectations before and during marriage.

I will maintain my stand that the reason women complain is because of the need to vent and find release from the innumerable pressures they have to face in marital life, not because they are airheads that had foolish dreams of happily ever after. Either that or because the man changed from how he used to be during their dating years.

Look at you talking about how women in 'normal' marriages also complain. How would you know if the marriage is normal or abnormal if you don't live in the same house with the couple?
Or you don't know people pretend to keep up appearance?

SaltLight012:
Do yourself a favour. Get out of your mentality of 'men vs women'. Think 'mankind'.

In other to make sense of all the evil, look to God.

Let me tell you truthfully, there are many ways this world is oppressing men, same as there are many ways it is oppressing women

Do yourself a favor too and follow the discussion, we are talking about marriage here, not mankind.

mynairaland2018:
I'm actually a woman. And everything u said in ur last paragraph is not sthn women REALLY realize until they're in marriage. Which is my point.

You're female makes it more embarrassing, hope you are happy now seeing women getting insulted now because of your post?

And please, women are not daft airheads that cannot observe the society they live in and know that marriage doesn't favour females, they know. The reason they complain is because they need to vent and pour out their feelings. They are not robots that swallow all sorts of maltreatment and infidelity and keep quiet without saying anything.

mynairaland2018:
It's not just money. Most women are disappointed by marriage. They just don't say it. Women have very high expectations of marriage and their happily ever after.

Men don't have such expectations. In fact men are grounded in reality and are very aware dt they're gaining responsibility & making a sacrifice as they're getting married.

I blame Walt Disney tbh.

The large percentage of married men keeping girlfriends and mistresses outside cos their wives got fat or old are they grounded in reality too?

Or the millions that have no idea what marriage is about and all they do is drop money and go and come as they like, that don't even bother to establish meaningful relationships with their kids?

You men really need to get off your high horse, Nigerian men get away with doing the barest minimum in marriage and they can treat the wife anyway they like and nobody holds them accountable s long as he occasionally brings money. How won't they be contented with their irresponsible and half arsed ways of running their families?

Women that are expected to be both Co providers and home builders and primary child carers and at the same time tolerate and submit to another human being that might not even be a good decision maker and in many cases is cheating on her with impunity, they are the ones feeling the pressure, not men.
Marriage in Africa doesn't favour women at all.
That's why they dislike marriage not because of any unrealistic expectations.

tugrow can I import food like biscuits from outside to Nigeria?

Good day all
Please who knows any good deworming medicine for a 10monrh old