₦airaland Forum

ReadEXPLAINER
By Tina Matherson
CNN

     
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- From the outside, Johnny and Shanna Woodbury looked like the perfect couple. They had been married 13 years, owned multiple properties and were successful managers. They also had four beautiful children -- a son and a daughter fresh out of college they had prior to getting married and a 12-year-old daughter on the cheerleading team and an 8-year-old son on the honor roll.


Shanna and Johnny Woodbury enrolled in an eight-week relationship program to get their marriage back on track.

1 of 2  Together they had built and moved into their 7,200-square-foot dream home in Prince George's County, Maryland, with five bedrooms, six bathrooms, two sunrooms and a basement. Both were Christians who regularly attended the New Samaritan Baptist Church.

But privately, the Woodbury's marriage was in turmoil.

"I love my husband" said Shanna Woodbury of their marriage. "But I feel so overworked and underappreciated. I work full-time like my husband, but if I don't maintain the domestic responsibilities of the house, nothing gets done. Added to that, I manage our rental properties and take care of everything for our kids, alone."

Her husband started to echo similar frustrations.

"I'm faithful to my wife, I give her my whole paycheck but I work the late shift and my job is demanding. When I come home, I don't need to hear her mouth -- I just need to watch my favorite football game in peace."

Shanna grows more overwhelmed, tempers flare and the two begin arguing more and listening less. Tension took over their home and their fighting began to take a toll on the rest of the family, resulting in disciplinary issues with the kids.

"I realized my family was dysfunctional," says Shanna Woodbury. "But we also knew that divorce was not an option." Sound off: Does a strong marriage equal a strong family?


'Black in America 2'
In July, Soledad O'Brien investigates what African-Americans are doing to confront the most challenging issues facing their communities. You'll meet people who are using groundbreaking solutions in innovative ways to transform the black experience.
July 22 & 23, 8 p.m. ET

see full schedule »
The Woodburys knew they needed help. So a friend introduced them to Basic Training for Couples -- a class that had helped pull their friends' marriage back from the brink of divorce.

Shanna and Johnny Woodbury enrolled.

"Marriage is one of those entities that you have to know going in, it will be hard, but you're not alone," says Dr. Rozario Slack, speaking to an audience at a couples graduation.

Slack, a pastor and relationship consultant, is the co-creator of the "Basic Training for Couples Curriculum" and co-author of "10 Great Dates for Black Couples."

"I grew tired of the statistics and when I look at my children, I knew I had to do something to prevent marriage from becoming a dinosaur in our community," says Slack.  Compare marital statistics by race in U.S. »

There are many influences that have shaped, affected or strained black marriages, according to marriage and family experts. Among them: African tribal traditions, the horrors of slavery, racial integration in the U.S. that paved the way to more freedoms and the migrations of thousands of African-Americans that fractured or reshaped communities. Trace the historic migrations of black Americans

"Moving from one community to another could affect marriage because it disrupts social ties," says Andrew Cherlin, a professor of sociology and public policy at Johns Hopkins University and author of the landmark book, "The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today."

"Migration separates people from friends and relatives who could help them through family crisis," says Cherlin.

Black couples in crisis inspired Slack and Nisa Muhammad to create Basic Training for Couples. The free eight-week program educates dating, engaged or married couples in groups of five to 15. The lessons cover the value of commitment, responsibility to the black community, psychological differences between the sexes, sexual intimacy and conflict resolution.

Slack created the male-friendly portion while Muhammad, who founded National Black Marriage Day and the Wedded Bliss Foundation, created the female-friendly portion.

"Marriage belongs to the community," says Muhammad. "An unhealthy marriage relationship gives children an inaccurate representation of marriage, which they in turn replicate for generations."

In the program, couples also learn about the history of the African-American marriage and many for the first time plot their family tree to trace marriage and divorces. See the class rundown

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"We do this to help them understand: Is there any support for their marriage in their family?" says Muhammad. "Who are the role models? Do they see women who are great successful wives? Are there men that are great successful husbands or a brotherhood of husbands? If not, the members of the class become their community of support because we all want the same thing -- successful marriages."

The group support is key in Basic Training. Occasionally the facilitators divide the class into gender groups. This encourages the men and women to openly express their struggles without inhibitions and gives them the opportunity to offer advice and hold each other accountable.

And, the lessons don't end after the eight-week course. The couples are empowered to go back to their communities and bring awareness to other couples. They also plan outings, from game nights to sleepovers for the women.


Since taking the class, the Woodburys have gone from co-existing with each other to having a marriage that is stronger than it has ever been. They have also met friends and other couples that will help them stay strong.

"We have become better parents because for the first time we are on one accord, and there is far less arguing for our children to witness," Shanna Woodbury told CNN. "At the end, our children have been the biggest benefactors and for that we are grateful."

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/07/20/bia.strong.black.marriage/index.html

Ndipe's comment: How does slavery play a role in the disintegration of a union? And, why is the emphasis on black marriages or could it be that blacks have the highest divorce rate in America over other ethnicities?

Seeking the opinions of qualified Medical Doctors will be your best bet!

Why sweat it if this man visits Nigeria or not? This kind of mental slavery of looking upto this man's visit, reeks of colonial mentality.

MandingoII:
I'd rather be HOMELESS in the states than Live a comfortable life in Nigeria.

At least there is hope for me.

surely one day I will get a government funded housing and gainful employment.

then I will be able to develop some self-esteem.

these opportunities are not available in Nigeria.

Dude, you gotta be joking. you dont know what the challenges and indignities of homelessness, particularly in America. You cant even get a job, because some companies would need you to furnish them with your address. And you can easily get robbed, even in shelters. Thank God I have never been homeless, and honestly, if I am even given such choices, I would rather live a comfortable life in Nigeria than to be homeless in America.

sugabelly:
Don't be silly. English is not the only language I speak. The only reason I'm typing in English is because I don't know you and I don't know what languages you speak and there's a good chance you speak English.

A good chance? Well, if I write in English Language, shouldnt that be solid proof that I also speak the language. And please dont take the easy way route for expressing yourself in English Language. The likes of Ngugi Wa Thiongo have abandoned the colonial language in favor of their native dialect. You can do the same too.

sugabelly:
Because it is a EUROPEAN culture and we should not be foolishly adopting useless European cultures for no reason.

Well, dont type in English Language because it is a European Language

I have a question to all Akwa Ibomites and Cross Riverians, Is it true really that if you eat boiled cocoyams and it itches you, then you should slice it into half, place one on your head, and two on your hands and start singing a song, and that the itchiness would stop?

And Akwa Ibom

Nothing absurd about it.

Tpharell:
I hope it is a dry fast! that would do their fat tummies some good. Nigerian lawmakers have never been a serious pack b4 so this is just anoda joke that we are used to hearing from the national assembly! Basket mouth, i go dye, Gordons, AY, and the likes beta WATCH OUT! There's a new pack of comedians in town.

That is so funny. Like I would believe those politicians will really go on a hunger strike.

Like Nigeria should really care if this man visits us or not. That is why I say, some of us suffer from inferiority complex, especially, if we cannot harness our resources derived from the petroleum industry, while waiting for the visit of a western leader to change things around in our country.

It's not auction, it's only greedy families that make it seem like an auction. It's not as if the bride is moving to her matrimonial home empty handed. In addition to her family members feeding the guests, they also send her off with various household items. It's tradition, lets embrace the good ones like bride price and forsake the bad ones like pouring libation.

OLAADEGBU:
This is an exposition on the deity of Jesus Christ from a former Muslim

http://www.answering-islam.org/Shamoun/psalm110_1.htm

Yeah, the same Angel referred to in this Verse is actually Jesus Christ. Muslims, may God open your eyes for you to see His wonders when He said in Verse 21: Beware of Him, and obey his voice, provoke him not; for he will not pardon your transgressions: for my name is in Him.

At first I was against the payment of bride-price, but now, I am beginning to lean towards it. You know why? It places the man in a position of authority as the head of the family, and you know, stuff exchanged given by the parents of the bride like cooking pots, plates, and all that, signifies that the position of the woman in the family. So, I lean towards payment of bride price. Note please, I had started a previous topic about my erstwhile stance against payment of bride price.

olabowale:
@Ndipe: If the read, by the Children of Israel who actually are the benefiary of OT, is not referring to Isiah, the Speaker who addressed his people, then we can not exclude any prophet who came after him from the possible person he was talking about, if you think it is a speech for the thing to happen later. My opinion is that you can never know the Book of the Children better than them, because it is not in your language. They the Children of Israel dream in that language or should be dreaming in that language if they had kept their language still in its original form.

It will be impossible for a non-igbo speaker to know more igbo than you. You do speak igbo. no? You do dream in igbo, sometimes. no?
Therefore when you put Jesus in this possible position, then do not forget more successful prophets who ministered within the Children of Israel's bloodline; Solmon, David his father and others to be included, yes, John as well as Jesus. You see there is always the murkiness that comes with, always the Bible! The verses are for the most part not clear in meaning and this lend to self wish meanings or interpretations!

The speech of Isiah may actually be refering to some past prophet, since all human souls were removed from the body of Adam, it may actually be he, Adam. We are called his children, hence he was there alive on earth when we were being created! No wonder that Jesus was refering only to Abraham as the one he "was". He was there in a soul form before Abraham came on earth body and soul as a human. But Jesus never went back to make that reference to Adam, because he will be incorrect, since soul occurred in heaven before body and soul on earth as human. Heck I was before Abraham, too. I definitely was before Jesus, who came later!

Wole Soyinka's mastery of English Language is more refined than some of the natives of the country.

And what's the name of the Nigerian musician who wrote the African Queen?

http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com//index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=13608&Itemid=55

Hear O' Israel, HaShem is our G-d, HaShem alone"

Isaiah 48:16


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The missionaries will say that Isaiah 48:16 shows that the "Trinity" is found in the Tanach, which they call the "Old Testament."

The Reply is: The verse says "Draw near to Me and hear this: from the beginning, I did not speak in secret; from the time anything existed, I was there. "And now the L-rd G-d has sent me, [the prophet Isaiah] endowed with His spirit [i.e. the spirit of prophecy, a gift]." If you read the 2 verses above this one, you will see that the chapter is dealing with Cyrus as G-d's instrament. G-d has planned this from the beginning, and is now implementing his plan. There is nothing in this verse that says anything about Jesus or the "Trinity". The "Trinity" is, in fact, an idea alien to the entire Tanach.

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Prairie/1551/prophets/is48v16.htm

Ndipe's comment: The author/s in their in their attempt to deny the Messiaship of Jesus Christ have only inaccurately portrayed mixed up Prophet Isaiah as one who existed from the beginning.

TayoD:
@Ndipe,

I was surprised you mentioned Shade Adu without saying anything about the Grammy Award Winner, SEAL.  You have also left out Tunde of the Lighthouse Family. 

Femi Kuti and Lagbaja are unique Nigerian Brands that are doing very well internationally.

Seal? What remix does he play? Trado Nigerian music or mainstream music? As for Lagbaja, is he popular in the USA? Note, I am not trying to diss any of the musicians. One might say that traditional nigerian music might not be accepted in the mainstream, but look at Youssou who is perhaps the most famous musician from Africa. His beat is derived from his culture. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youssou_N'Dour

tpiah:
I meant they'll still be ridiculed even if they speak their parents language.

Because their attitude and behavior will be different.


This happens until they learn how to blend in, and can still continue afterwards.


maybe some parts of Nigeria dont have this problem sha.

I dont know which part of Nigeria you hail from, but as an Akwa Ibomite, I can tell you with utmost confidence that such a child will not be ridiculed, but will be upheld as the dream child every parent would yearn for, especially if they are verbose in English language, and totally refrain from anything relatable to the indigenous culture.

tpiah:
true talk especially @ bolded.

Most kids who speak English in the home, are still able to understand their mother tongue as long as they interact with people who speak it around them.

I've noticed kids in particular will understand the parent's language to some extent even if they cant speak it. There are so many Nigerians born and raised abroad who dont speak their parents' language but can understand when it's spoken.

And when you go to Nigeria, you learn the language by hook or by crook.

If the parents are worried about their children being ridiculed by other Naijas if they dont speak the language, the kids will still be ridiculed anyway, for being foreign and having foreign mannerisms. Its something they just have to learn to deal with.

I highly doubt a child's inability to speak their native dialect in Nigeria will be scorned. Rather, they will be embraced and held to high standards for not being 'local' but being an ajebutta.

Abuzola:
Wetin be that ? Hope is not another revealation of ur pastor atrocity

Abuzola, please clarify this once and for all. What does the koran say about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ? From my understanding, I had heard that Muslims believe that Jesus Christ did not die on the Cross, but was taken to Heaven. Yet, this koranic verse, koran 19:33-34, (thanks Noetic) seems to contradict your beliefs.

We shouldnt abandon our native dialect in favor of English language, no matter what! We have to recognize our roots. Come, look at some of these chinese, and mexican folks who express a sense of pride in conversing in their native language and some dont even give a hoot about their mastery of English language. Yet, they are surviving in the USA, they get good jobs and all that. I went for an interview some months ago for a position in advertising/sales, and the woman who interviewed me, one (I think) Mexican woman. Gosh, she was so hoity toity, because of what? She was the manager, yet, her English was not that fluent, but she is a manager at this organization. Yet, I did not get the job, even though I can at least speak passable English. So, folks back home who are tempted to think that speaking the queen's language is a gateway to a great job with perks in America are obviously suffering from inferiority complex.

No

noetic2:
why should I produce a surah when the koran itself is a plagiarised LIE from allah through mohammed to muslims. If not, whats the meaning of this verse:
koran 19:33-34  records Jesus as saying:
[b]Peace on me the day I was born, and the day I die, and the day I shall be raised alive!
[/b]

And the same koran disputes the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross. What a contradiction! Thanks Noetic for pointing that out.

I'd say one has to call off the relationship. Or, would you imagine, if your potential mother in-law, gets married to your father, has a son for your father, so that means, the boy will be you and your wife's half-brother, as well as brother in-law.

Too much wahala.

ifyalways:
LOL @Thread.
NPF. . .My first experience with the 9ja Police was when i was abt 6 or so.My dad flogged me cos i did something wrong and i decided to run to my grannies place which happens to be quite close to our house.I somehow missed my way,was picked by a good samaritan and was taken to the police station.I told the man(my name and our house address but he was just bent on taking me to the police station. . .prolly cos i was crying)
well i was taken to the police station,one fat woman officer took me to her office,gave me kpof-kpof and coke.lol.They later got my dad and made him pay thrice for the kpof-kpof and coke. 
9ja police Rocks ! ! !

Naija police!

SeanT21:
I just pray that ebony and essence dont follow!!

Essence magazine is no longer black-owned, but Ebony magazine, a black-owned magazine, according to articles, is struggling greatly.

Jesus Christ.

http://www.answering-islam.org/Shamoun/psalm110_1.htm

Imagine this: You live abroad, and are engaged to a girl. But upon visiting your widowed father in Nigeria to inform him of the good news, you realize that his fiancee is your girlfriend's mother and that they are also planning on getting married.

What do you do? Call off the relationship, or have a double wedding?

Babies, nature.