₦airaland Forum

MyJoe:
Not necessarily.

I think the possible reasons are:

1. Habit: Someone who grew up in a "traditional" home back in the days when in the evening everyone dipped their hand into the same bowl may carry it as a habit into his adulthood. You know in that sort of arrangement you finish the food before the meat is then "shared" out to everyone by "baba".

2. Concentration or order: Some people have such a sense of order that they may subconsciously carry it over to anything they do. (Read a short story titled "Broken Routine" by Frederick Forsyth to get the sense of the kind of person I am talking about). So he may like to finish his eba, drain the soup, before proceeding meticulously to his meat.

3.  Value: Some may value their meat so much and believe the best is to be reserved for the last.

4.  Appetite: Some people lose appetite if they pause, for any reason, while eating the main course. This happens to me.

The fourth reason is important if you belch frequently.
4.  Stomach order: If you suffer from any gastrointestinal disorder or find you belch frequently after eating, it may be a good idea to start paying attention to how you eat. I would suggest that if it is convenient, you eat your main meal at one go, then eat your meat, before drinking any water. This is because pausing in between your meal to spend a considerable time battling a piece of "kanda", chewing away at meat, or gulping water may increase your chances of belching.

YUP to number 3. It's usually the last to go on my plate even though I have lived in America for a long time. Habits are difficutl to break.

Like someone in the interior part of a Nigerian village would give a hoot about etiquette from a stranger?

Busy_body:
I am sure you meant high table committee Much love babes


Here's what i found earlier;



Outside of the traditional, formal "Mr. & Mrs. John Doe", the wife's name is ALWAYS first when using first names: "Jane and John Doe". In social importance, the woman is always first, then males, then children.
Crane's Blue Book of Social Stationery, Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior , and Crane's Wedding Blue Book all verify this longstanding etiquette rule.




Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_do_you_list_first_husband_or_wife's_first_name_when_addressing_informally_to_a_married_couple#ixzz1MRqvNDcp

And who gave this people the right to dictate what constitutes the right or wrong manner to address a wedding card?

aloy/emeka:
And if they are from Lagos state, they must leave in order to make Fashola happy?. Why not ban armed robbers and deport them to their respective states?. Also, over 80% of alayes beg for alms albeit unkinmdly, why are they not deporting them back to their home states?. Who is more harmful to the society: alaye or disabled aboki begging for alms?. Jeez!!!

I wonder. Would his fellow imams support him with this doctrine?

kalokalo:
Nigerians should have learnt since time immemorial that any free or subsidized good or service offered by Governments in Nigeria is always of poor quality. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE FREE QUALITY EDUCATION or FREE QUALITY ANYTHING.. Somebody has to pay for it. Anything good has a price. Go abroad and see if you will find free world class education or anything. You either pay for it directly in fees or indirectly through very high taxes. Look up the confiscatory tax regime of Scandinavian or European countries!

Look up the crappy quality of subsidized schools, universities, public hospitals, public power supply, fertilizer, anything etc in Nigeria and see that you will always get what you pay for. If you want better, then be ready to pay for private alternatives. Anything that works and works well in Nigeria is that way because YOU PAY for it. I'm sure you can think of well known examples

If our oil resources were harnessed well, it would be possible to offer free quality education to all and sundry in Nigeria.

High_Chief:
GEJ has done well for that compensation, thou it cannot be measured to the loss, but it will go a long way to pacify the families

Are you serious?

free123:
Replying jo is like wasting one's time. The same who claimed to know scriptures is the same Jo who said it is wrong to pray through Jesus. And when rebuked and corrected left the thread in shame, even his co proponent, newmi could not disagree with his mentor(oyaks) in public when subjected to the strictest proof by Enigma.
Who knows how many tens of thousands this statement (it is wrong to pray through Jesus) has led astray?

He really did say that? I was just shocked to see a picture of a pastor quoting koranic messages along the effigy of Jesus Christ.

This is my first time of seeing a picture of TB Joshua aligning Christianity (the 'effigy' of Jesus Christ on the cross) along with a quranic inscription that proclaims the deity of allah? Quite shocking. Jojogabe, is that where you worship?

Uchero:
There is nothing wrong with whose name to come first on wedding card,but don't forget the saying that says "ladies and gentle men"this means that ladies should come first[color=#990000][/color]

Chivalry is perhaps behind this reasoning which is common in the west.

Surprised though not totally shocking. As one of Nigeria's most popular magazine in the 80's, some people complained that it went downhill after the assasination of Dele Giwa. Have seen the magazine recently and was disappointed by the quality of production of the magazine compared with Tell magazine. My aunt used to admire their style of writing.

Ok, here is my input, if tradition says that a woman is wedding a man hence her name should come first (when in actuality, it's the man that weds the woman), I'd have to ask, why cant we put an end to such traditions? it's the man that is wedding the woman and not the other way round. Hence, his name comes first. I dont care if the norm of adding the woman's name first on the IV card has been around for donkey years, the right thing is for the man's name to come first. Haba, who is wedding who? Is it not the man? Is it not the father of the bride who is GIVING her away to the man? Lets apply common sense and forego tradition!

WHEN Babatunde Fashola goes to the theatre in Lagos, his entrance usually sparks more applause than the cast’s final bow. He has been something of a hero in Nigeria’s business capital since becoming its governor in 2007. Last month he was reelected with 81% of the vote, having attempted to tame the unruly metropolis.

Lagos, which vies with Cairo for the title of Africa’s most populous city, exhausts even Nigerians, famed for their energy and entrepreneurial zeal. To ease their lives, Mr Fashola has cleared ad hoc markets that used to block streets and cause endless gridlock, limiting some businessmen to one meeting a day. Bus routes have been set up and kamikaze motorcycle-taxi riders forced to wear helmets. The governor has employed local toughs, known as “area boys”, as street sweepers and traffic cops. Lagosians say their coastal city seems safer, with fewer armed robbers zipping along in boats across its lagoons. . .

http://www.economist.com/node/18652563

I wouldnt because of religious differences.

Seun, lock this thread.

How would she want to be addressed in public during a formal introduction, If she decides to keep her maiden name, "Miss" (her father's last name even when she is married). Sometimes some women can be a confused lot. While they are desperate to be a MRS, at the same time, they would rather remain a Miss in paper. You cant have it both ways.

nanidee:
This is rather kinda mean. So what then happens to the men who disvirgined these women?

In any case, I am certain once a girl sleeps with a guy before marriage, she already knows her fate. But come to think of it, I am sure a violation situation in this society could possibly lead to  annihilation. 

Why should you be surprised? Women are usually the ones who take the blame in most of these dalliances while sometimes, the men go scott free. I was on facebook earlier when another woman labelled Camilla a(insert it) for breaking up Charles and Diana's marriage, and another girl commented that it took two to tango, so Charles should equally be culpable.

obowunmi:
Unless you own your place of work, sometimes you have no choice xcept Lagos or Abuja.

What of civil servants, entrepreneurs, bankers not based in Lagos and Abuja? Truth is you can make a living, and a comfortable living (and there are some folks who live comfortably elswhere, compared to Lagos and Abuja) aside Lagos and Abuja.

Is Lagos the only liveable place in Nigeria? Check out other places like Calabar and Uyo. I aint living in Lagos if I ever move back home, unless . . . I prefer a small town like Uyo or Calabar.

Richvkunt:
@leavinglon,
You have got to understand that when you marry a Nigerian man,you also marry his family.There is no way to isolate one from the other especially if it is a close knit family.You have to take your mum in law as your own mother and give her the respect you would give your own mum.It is not so difficult once you put a little effort into it.
When your mum in law sees the effort you are putting in she will grow to love and accept you as her daughter and you will get along fine.
I would like to sound a note of warning that you should never be confrontational such as calling her a fool.
Insulting elders is frowned upon seriously in Africa,and if she reports you to family members the results could be very unpleasant.
You are the person in the marriage and you know how the shoe is pinching you. Be careful the kind of advise you take from people on NL.
Goodluck.

Respect should be reciprocal, and there are some folks who will try to make life difficult for you no matter how pleasant you maybe to them. The lady is at the receiving end of the mother in-law and no, I wouldnt advise anybody to call someone a f. . . Not at all. The mother in-law needs to realize that she is a visitor at her son's house and hence, should treat the mistress of the house with respect. According to the poster, that is not the case, but is treating her with contempt. That, I completely disagree. The daughter in-law needs to assert herself in her own house, otherwise, she would be at the losing end. I dont think that is being disrespectful.

leavinglon:
Akan, I am not from nigeria. my parents were born here and so was i. Thanks though for your response. i take it that you are nigerian yourself, can i ask why the elders always demand that children do something instead of asking, eg. bring me water, instead of may i PLEASE have some water,

Yeah, I am from Nigeria and respect to elders is enshrined in our culture. "bring me water, do this for me, do that for me," is expected, but the scenario will be typical between a child and a parent, not strangers. Strangers, yeah, you are expected to greet them outside, but you are not obligated in today's world to attend to their needs. Your mother inlaw probably regards you as her daughter and so expects you to be at her beck and call or has this primitive mentality that it is HER son's house, hence, you either put up with her bossy nature or you move out. if the insult persits, tell her in no unmistakable terms she is no longer welcome again and stick with it.

leavinglon:
my husband and i have been married for the last 10 years. both my husband and i were born here. he is cultually more british than nigerian and to be honest, that was one of the many reasons i fell for him. we have 2 lovely kids and secure in our jobs. my mother in law has been visiting us from nigeria throughout the 10 years we have been together but now, we have decided to apply for her to live here indefinitely. #

sadly, since she has got her papers, i am beginning to see a different side to her. she now speaks to me very rudely-no more please or thank you, she is terribly aggressive- snatches this from me and looks me up and down, has no tact, barks at the kids and to make things worse, she expects me to clean up after her and do this constant bowing thing. the last trod, is when she told me not to wear shorts in the house or eat when my husband is eating ~(i should eat when he has finished). to cut a long story short, we has an argument in which she told me that if i was in niigeria i would be her slave, then she made the mistake to caLL ME 'silly GIRL'. I told here she was a fool. the whole family is waiting to kill me because 'i have abused an elder'.

in my view, respect goes in 2 ways. but, according to them, elders can say and do anything. My husband is beginning to change since his mother is here. he isnt saying much, instead, he spends most of his free time (which we normally share) with her, watching this nigerian film, one after the ohter. the worryinng thing is that he is beginning to  behave aggressively to me like they do in those films. I fear, this is the end of my marriage.

Surprisingly, my husband told me that when we got married, i got married to the culture so my mother in law is here to live with us,in our home, eternally. Not sure i can cope with that. Where have I gone wrong?

sorry for the typos; typing with one hand as my daughter is falling asleep.

Nobody has the right to insult you in your house. I would expect such subservience from an African woman, not a British woman. Assert yourself!

2

A boy and a girl.

Why am I not getting notification in my email?

This topic is becoming redundant.

@the poster.

Can you boast of being a virgin?