₦airaland Forum

Richvkunt:
@leavinglon,
You have got to understand that when you marry a Nigerian man,you also marry his family.There is no way to isolate one from the other especially if it is a close knit family.You have to take your mum in law as your own mother and give her the respect you would give your own mum.It is not so difficult once you put a little effort into it.
When your mum in law sees the effort you are putting in she will grow to love and accept you as her daughter and you will get along fine.
I would like to sound a note of warning that you should never be confrontational such as calling her a fool.
Insulting elders is frowned upon seriously in Africa,and if she reports you to family members the results could be very unpleasant.
You are the person in the marriage and you know how the shoe is pinching you. Be careful the kind of advise you take from people on NL.
Goodluck.

leavinglon:
Akan, I am not from nigeria. my parents were born here and so was i. Thanks though for your response. i take it that you are nigerian yourself, can i ask why the elders always demand that children do something instead of asking, eg. bring me water, instead of may i PLEASE have some water,

leavinglon:
my husband and i have been married for the last 10 years. both my husband and i were born here. he is cultually more british than nigerian and to be honest, that was one of the many reasons i fell for him. we have 2 lovely kids and secure in our jobs. my mother in law has been visiting us from nigeria throughout the 10 years we have been together but now, we have decided to apply for her to live here indefinitely. #

sadly, since she has got her papers, i am beginning to see a different side to her. she now speaks to me very rudely-no more please or thank you, she is terribly aggressive- snatches this from me and looks me up and down, has no tact, barks at the kids and to make things worse, she expects me to clean up after her and do this constant bowing thing. the last trod, is when she told me not to wear shorts in the house or eat when my husband is eating ~(i should eat when he has finished). to cut a long story short, we has an argument in which she told me that if i was in niigeria i would be her slave, then she made the mistake to caLL ME 'silly GIRL'. I told here she was a fool. the whole family is waiting to kill me because 'i have abused an elder'.

in my view, respect goes in 2 ways. but, according to them, elders can say and do anything. My husband is beginning to change since his mother is here. he isnt saying much, instead, he spends most of his free time (which we normally share) with her, watching this nigerian film, one after the ohter. the worryinng thing is that he is beginning to  behave aggressively to me like they do in those films. I fear, this is the end of my marriage.

Surprisingly, my husband told me that when we got married, i got married to the culture so my mother in law is here to live with us,in our home, eternally. Not sure i can cope with that. Where have I gone wrong?

sorry for the typos; typing with one hand as my daughter is falling asleep.

Timehin:
The ressurection of christ is not physical! What d disciples saw is not a physical body but an ethereal one and that is why thomas couldnt recognise him 1st.

Siena:
No, I'm not, though I can identify with Igbos, we've always got on well, still do. A lot of my friends are Igbo. 

Sweetnecta:
@Olaadegbu; Yahweh is not the father of no one. And Jesus being the way to Almighty has a time allotted to it; when Jesus started his ministry ending when another prophet [Muhammad [as]] arrived.

Jesus couldn't have been the general blanket in being the only way. Was he the way when Moses was the prophet?

Absolutely not. No one new anything about Jesus then. Those who were against Moses missed the way and so Pharaoh perished. He didn't perish under the ticket 'way' of Jesus, but Moses.

And there was no greater tyrant than Pharaoh. Even Hitler or Ariel Sharon were boys scout in comparison.

beautyline:
I heard that in Ghana, the children answer the mother's family name and not the father's. That's strange to me!

superboi:
When people like you realize that transplanting western system to people with different values and customs is like giving a goat a human heart or vice versa then we would have a Government models that works. This western democracy thing can't work in our society not because we are less or more superior, but it not just our thing.

Thirst4Lif:
There's nothing you should do. It wasn't your home.

Perhaps the man was disrespectful and deserved to

be slapped. Ever think of that? The man being rich

does not insure he's a good guy.

Allta:
Very interesting article, need to print this when I get to office tomorrow. Thanks @Ndipe

Siena:


[b]A prenuptial agreement brings you back to the same issue - trust. Unless you go into a marriage, with the thought of divorce on your mind, why would you need one? Are money and other material assets more important than your relationship with your wife and kids, should you have any?[/b]If you're going to live in constant fear of your wife making off with your money and property, before it actually happens, you might as well remain single, than worry yourself silly on a daily basis. It's like buying a coffin for yourself, and maintaining a freshly-dug grave, "just in case you die".

I'm happily married, and love my wife. Should the unexpected happen, I would be more interested in trying to save my marriage, than claw back money and property. And if it can't be saved, then I wouldn't have any reservations about splitting our assets down the middle, and moving on with my life.

Siena:
Igbo Kwenu! Kwezuo!!

I'm not Igbo, though grew up hearing Igbo being spoken on a regular basis, as my mom spoke fluent Igbo, most Igbo traders back in the day thought she was actually an Igbo lady!