₦airaland Forum

Wayyo, lallai wanda ba su jin hausa za su mutu. Ha ha

And there was this Fulani man grazing his cows and this english man came inquiring as to how to purchase it

Englishman: "How much?"

Fulaniman: "Hau mana in ci uban ka"

Small gal, no thinking

Hey Clems, aiki kalau.

Missed me did u? Would be very lovely if you are a gal

If you are a guy, errr, well, people, una fit help out.

Dear, u just keep pulling trips with this gender issue abi?

Old? Na u talk am ooo. My wife no talk so since i fit command Sgt. Isaac Randy to attention. If u get my drift.

Wetin come join una for her/him case now? Una dey always wan drag wetin dey inside shokoto come sokoto.
I get 7-point Agenda for all of una type o!

If you are 40 or above (Like Me), this might make sense. . .

A computer was something on TV from a science-fiction show of note

A WIndow was something you hated to clean and Ram was the cousin of a goat

Meg was the name of an actress

And gig was a job for the nights

And that really mega bytes

An application was for employment

A program was a TV Show

A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age

A CD was a bank account

And if you had a 3 inch floppy, you hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to tha garbage

Not something you did to a file

And if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire

Hard drive was a long trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did witha pocket knife

Paste you did with glue

A web was a spider's home

And a virus was the flu

I guess i'll stick to my pad and paper

And the memory in my head

I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash

But when it happens they wish they were dead

Let me make it easy for everyone. The next guy to post beneath is declared the winner and as his prize, he's entitled to one night erotic therapy with nightnurse. Aight people, lets c who wins this. Hurry!!!!

E be like say plenty tins dey do plenty people dis days.

shawn123:
True talk, you know i have lived in the north and in Lagos, what i noticed about lagosians is that most of them don't know anything about the north and most of them have never left Lagos, in a way like the Americans who think the whole of Africa is a forest. I don't agree with the poster though but the truth is its alot easier to sleep with a girl in Lagos than in the norh, Lagos girls are all about the cash and thats it. It doesnt really matter how much its just what they can get from you. Girls still fall in love in the north funny enough. Finding love in Lagos is like trying to find who killed J. F Kennedy.

Guy, u yarn fact abeg. I've read some posts here and wondered with myself if all those making some silly remarks about the north have ever really been to the north. I stay in the north and know exactly what i'm talking about. No one says there arent gals of easy virtue here. and no one says u cant find decent gals in Lagos. Its just that in comparison, the decency level out there as compared to the north is so bleeping low. And that issue about gals in the north being pretenders, aint it true that all gals are? Yes, gals in the north do the deed too, but they dont just go around advertising that fact. Bottom line is they still have more moral values than those u find in Lagos

Bad bad boys and bad bad girls

I will tell mummy for you

When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stares at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she starts cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignores you
[ Give her your attention ]

When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]

When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]

When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she's scared
[ Protect her ]

When she lays her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steals your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesn't answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]

When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]



- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

Saucekid, r u talking from experience?

Icheoku - The Arrow of Death That Killed Love Which Will Never Leave Again - Part 1

To God be the Glory

simply_me:
Tyra

Plese go with the two - i am sure you like the two of them, are they both good in bed? I am sure you know that we all like to have two things instead of one? So in this case, two guys is ok, when most ladies don't even have one, so consider it a great thing to have two and then two friends for that matter, you know d joy on aguy's facewhen he takes on two friends? common, let this be your portion.

Terrorist

Abium:
I will advice you to go to "BABALAWO", he should use random selection to kill one. and love the other like never before

Terrorist Bleep

My advice, if u sorta like both of em, stick to the first guy. The second guy, knowing fully well that u have bin friends with the first guy, will always hang around to have a piece of the action. The other way round might have u loosing the first guy completely. And its best to love somebody who's been a friend for long (cos u'll understand each other more) than some quick action, hit and run kinda guy.

My 50 percent

#9 When you begin to fall in love and fight over faceless characters on nairaland

I think we need a rating system on all posts. _{Hope say seun dey hear}

This post should be rated PG15

Lola and Lorlarh, oya, no come dis thread again

Rlst84sale:
It is now understandable why Niaja is the way it is, had this guy posted this on some white guys website, someone would have gone and experimented most of the facts that he stated here. The guy was mostly right coke/pepsi is not healthy for human consumption, (it is so sad we feed them to children). Stop dissing the guy the info is quiet informative. Thanks buddy.

Well for starters, if u check the stats, u'll discover that most allergies and disorders related to food are prevalent in the developed countries. Thats cos they've solved most of their problems so all they do is eat (excessively) and thats the more reason why they'll be pushed to carry out a test of their own. Here wey be say hunger and poverty dey sleep on the same bed with us, what do u expect.

If person get awoof offer wey make .im paddy buy am coke, u wan make the guy fashi begin dey yarn okpata say coke dey kill? Ol boy, e no go happen. Awon guys go sip awoof till they drop.

But on a serious note, these are points i'll consider when next i grab the black "thing" that makes "life tastes good"

Maybe u fiddled with the boobs a bit too long. U should have expanded ur explorative horizons vis a vis go on roaming into other territories.

Come to think of it, was the nipples hard or not? we need clearer details to make informed decisions/suggestions

Duh, look who got the last laugh. Sure its a joke section, and i havent insulted u in anyway. In case u didnt notice the sense of humour in my posts, i cant be blamed for that. And one more thing, i dont diss. So if u tryina start sumtin, their wont be nuthin. Gerrit?

@ Kronky,
Which one u no dey now? No be man u be? Why u dey fall our hand like this? Mind ya self oooo?

@ Aisha
U r loving this abi? Hmm, makes me wonder . . .

@Efuah,
It's a pretty long story, but i'll let u know in bits in due time

@success
Poor u, if this is ur idea of success _{to be listed in a senseless list} i pity u. Loser u said. bla ha ha ha ha. Pathetic

Have u ever wondered what your guy/gal means when he/she says a couple of words. Well wonder no more cos Ninjacorp (an NGO) has done some research and here are some of their findings

UNDERSTANDING MEN


"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a
real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner
was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but
will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you
just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more
outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."



UNDERSTANDING WOMEN


A Woman's Vocabulary, Keywords and Meanings (as taken from an interview with a woman)

FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument in which we feel we are right, but need to shut you up. NEVER use 'Fine' to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman
getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

OH
This word followed by any statement is trouble.
Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a "Go ahead," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before visiting on you major retribution and tribulations for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is
giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's
Okay".

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will
say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud
Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

@ Success
No be ur fault wey u no understand wetin i dey talk. Sey d bottle of udeme and cigaweed wey u shak yesterday _{as per se u no get val} na .im come make u dey tink in slow mo. I'll rewind it for u very soon.

@Lola
Oh crap, why would i like my name to be in a list that just doesnt make any sense. Go check the real Guinness Book and see why its called a book of records. Pain is d last thin on my mind right now.

@Efuah
U dont wanna know

WTF is going on here. This na Guiness Book of Rascals or Gulder Book of Rubbish. E no just make sense. Carry names come nack for thread. Wetin dat one mean? Wetin dey do?

Abeg if una wan yarn beta, yarn beta, no dey waste people precious time

Bros, i feel ur pain. really. E dey pain me make i see fine gal for street dey waka pass and i no fit decide which method to adopt go psyche am.

But here's a method that works _{tested and proven} Just pay one Agbero guy make e woza am one dirty slap begin dey drag for her purse or handset. Na den u go just show up _{Like indian film} come beat d nonsense out of the mugu, carry her purse come give am back, comot tissue come clean the tears wey dey her eyes, come offer say make u walk am to where she dey go.

Guy, if u try this method, i assure u, its gonna be no one but u. _{Method tested @ University of SiddonLook, Yaba Left}