worworgirl:
Chai! And my Bf of 1year is here asking me what he should buy for my mom as valentine gift. This life sha, I’m glad the op type has never crossed my path since my history of dating

Why do you guys keep making unmatched comparisons. Your BF willingly chose to buy your mum a valentine gift, OP is been requested to do so under the guise of dating her daughter, both are not the same situation. OP has no financial obligations to her and should only help at his own free will if he has the means. Trying to shame him for declining this request sounds very childish.

Fellas try and watch Chris Rock Tamborine Netflix special.

Lexusgs430:


The mother is not asking everyday or every month..... If she is unlucky to marry him, he might start requesting they only eat 0-1-0, because his families food bill is costing too much money.....

You never get the part of your comment wey dey vex me. See the part below

“A girl he probably sleeps with (free), she cooks for him (free) etc etc et”

Now it’s very clear Nigerian men are the problem and not the women actually. Like seriously you guys keep talking about sex in a very annoying manner.

Can you guys explain what you all mean by he has been f$$king her for 5years. You all need federal restructuring in your brains.

I need to stop wondering why Nigeria is so under developed with the kind of mind set on this forum.

When a girl friend zone a guy it means she is not sexually attracted to him...note the word SEXUALLY.

When a girl decides to date a guy it means she is SEXUALLY attracted to him and believe her sexual needs would be met adequately in that relationship.

To help you guys re-set your brains very well, girls on this forum have many times written that they can’t wait to get married so as to safely enjoy constant sex with just one partner. Women have sexual needs just like men and you guys sound like some aliens with all your comments on sex.

OP there are times in life you need to make your intentions clear and express yourself in clear terms with no fear. My own blood sister did something to me that shocked me to my bone marrow and I told her on the phone that I am putting her allowance on hold for 6 months because her lackadaisical approach to what I wanted her to do for me cost me a whooping lost of 4.3m Naira, just so you know we are in the 3rd month and she needs to feel the pain also. Are you following

Define your relationship at a very early stage with people, let the girls you date understand from the get go that you can support with the little you can and all her financial needs should be directed to her parents. Are you going to miss out on some girls with this approach...ehhhnn sort of, will your life be terrible without them, I don’t think so.

If you pay attention to your own personal development, grooming and career, trust me your SMV will be so high and all you will be doing is dating up the food chain.

Lexusgs430:



We should be asking him..... I need to stop what?

You need to stop with your comment below.

“We are not referring about casual strangers here.... A girl he probably sleeps with (free), she cooks for him (free) etc etc etc”

Lexusgs430:



Money makes the world go round...... If you can easily give N100 out of your N1000, given N10K out of N100K, should not be an issue.....

We are not referring about casual strangers here.... A girl he probably sleeps with (free), she cooks for him (free) etc etc etc

I am not saying both don't benefit from such joint activities, what I am saying is, simply use your right hand to wash your left hand, to enhance effective cleanliness......

That African American blogger, is simply already a slave to the westernised credit enabled society..... He probably does not need to render financial assistance, because credit facilities are available in their societies.... Do we have such in Nigeria?

Let's tailor our situations to and within the provisions of and obtained within our economies.....

What’s up with a girl he sleeps with, now you need to stop.

LaudableXX:


They are not! The OP and his girlfriend have been in a relationship for 5 years. The people in the examples that I gave, were already acquaintances and friends to those they helped. Free your mind.

That’s because you are still using duration of knowing each other to give your opinion. My point still stands, I’m using what kind of relationship and the possible nuances. Find your comment below, the examples are not boyfriend and girlfriend.

“I have seen ordinary teachers help others to pay house rent in rural areas, even when they themselves did not have much. I have seen people pick up medical bills for the sick, even when they were not millionaires themselves. I repeat: generosity is a mindset. But you won't understand it, because you do not have it. undecided The OP has dated the girl for 5 years, so she is not a new girl to him. Instead of showing commitment to her, he wishes to dump her without investigating the reasons behind the mother's actions. And you support such a pathetic decision.”

kmcutez:


That girl will suffer in that marriage. I have a feeling the OP will also physically and mentally abuse her. Kai. I pity the poor girl. She is not matured enough to see that the OP is a potential monster.

Yimu yimu... calling someone a monster, anyway this forum has all age brackets, what do I know.

LaudableXX:

Nothing in my examples suggested that these were random strangers who need help. They were people, I knew personally. If you cannot help someone close to you, is it a total stranger that you would now help? There was nothing outlandish in my post.

So work on your comprehension ability, please.

My point is you can’t compare OP and his GF relationship with the examples you gave. The dynamics are quite different.

Sarah20A:
U dated a girl for five years and she never asked u for a dim the first time her mum asked u for assistance a loan for that matter in ur five years relationship with her daughter and u shamelessly refused even thinking of falling out with your girlfriend because her mum asked u for something,and u even have the guts to bring your shameless stingy self to this forum guy ur stinginess is beyond the physical world u need spiritual healing

The message is when you start having your own daughters make sure you work harder because nobody owes you sh$t.

LaudableXX:


Upgrade your mentality. You sound like a self-centred, poverty stricken kid trying to survive from hand to mouth, who carefully pinches the pennies, in order to stay afloat. A generous person would not think like this. And generosity is a quality of the mind, not a fad to be picked up and dropped off, whenever one feels like it. A person who values others and wants to help them, would not put down 3rd parties willing to do so, even when he is not in a position to offer assistance to others. Rather, he would ask for God's empowerment in order to be a blessing to others.

I have seen ordinary teachers help others to pay house rent in rural areas, even when they themselves did not have much. I have seen people pick up medical bills for the sick, even when they were not millionaires themselves. I repeat: generosity is a mindset. But you won't understand it, because you do not have it. The OP has dated the girl for 5 years, so she is not a new girl to him. Instead of showing commitment to her, he wishes to dump her without investigating the reasons behind the mother's actions. And you support such a pathetic decision.

Sorry your examples are random strangers who need help, it doesn’t play out the same way in this context. Be mindful of how you make outlandish comparison, apples and oranges should never be made to look the same.

Work on your logical reasoning.

kmcutez:


Oh no, you don't. If you love the girl, that request from her mum will not even bother you. But the thought that it bothered you so much to even think of stopping the relationship. I doubt you have done anything for her. If not, she would have asked you herself and not the mum.

How would you love someone, and you think of stopping the relationship for something so inconsequential as a loving mom asking for some financial help to help your FIANCEE.

I have not read anywhere that he has proposed marriage to her, and what makes you think the girl desires marriage. These are all assumptions.

Lexusgs430:


Every relationship is a gamble..... We all invest in relationships (financially & otherwise). Some gambles pay off and some don't.......

You date a girl for 5 years and she eventually marries someone else.... Big deal.....

What about the new girlfriend you meet again? Another man might have spent some raw cash on her and her family, for 7 years. He also never got to marry her..... Should he cry blood?

You can assist anyone and it doesn’t matter who they are, but paying for things like school fees, rent or feeding for a girl friend is a no no for me except he is a rich kid with plenty of money to play around with.

Why would another man spend raw cash on any would be new girl and her family. I was reading an African American guy’s blog who visited Nigeria and wrote that all Nigerian men use only money to attract their women.

It’s up to you if money is the foundation of your relationships. No wonder you can’t go on a date in Nigeria and just have milk shake without the girl demanding fried rice and chicken, because men like you have monetize relationships.

OP try and use your money to better your own life first, and if she changes her attitude towards you after declining this request, just know it was never meant to be.

The resultant effect is that Nigerian parents will learn to bring to this world the number of kids they can cater for. Many people reading and commenting right now will have it at the back of their minds that the days of popping out many kids are gone in Nigerian history.

Now is the time to set things right, so we don’t experience all the immorality going on in our Universities due to lack of parental care.

How many jobless friends in their 30’s back home with 3-4 kids asking those abroad for money. People must understand that kids cost money in a society with zero social welfare support.

LaudableXX:


Did my questions hit too close to home? Is that why you got defensive? Guy, quit thinking like a kid. In a committed relationship that is expected to lead to marriage, which has lasted for 5 years and has stood the test of time, it is meaningless saying things like if you have a 100 naira, give the girl 5 naira. If you had a problem, and she had a 100 naira which she did not need, and you were desperate for 60 naira to solve your pressing problems, how would you feel if she gave you just 5 naira? Especially when you are aware that she has 100 naira in her pocket, that she really doesn't need?

Upgrade your mentality. Stop thinking like a poverty-stricken, myopic person....it doesn't suit you! Shares rise and fall all the time, and can even fall below the original amount you bought them.

His role should not be a sole provider for her and it doesn’t matter how long the relationship has been. They chose to enjoy the companionship together and she is not doing him any favor for dating him.

You are the one that needs to change your mentality. Chances of her dumping him is higher than any good stock crashing.
Once he starts paying her rent and school fees, then no turning back because he has just put himself in a provider role.

Her parents should find close family members to lend money from, not a boy friend.

LaudableXX:

Did a lady break your heart while you were still a poor struggling man? Why are you so bitter? All women are not the same, and all women do not think or react the same way. So what is your stress?? You are trying to paint all of them black, yet the whole world knows that no two people are the same. Your genes, environment, upbringing, life experiences etc., all combine to make you what you are.

Unfortunately that’s not the reality in Nigeria. It’s amazing how people equate online comments with ones personal life. If I make comments against herdsmen consistently, would you conclude that herdsmen have killed one of my family members, you really need to grow up.

OP let me advice you man to man. When you date a girl that’s not your wife, if you have 100 Naira, spend not more than 5 Naira on her and put the other 95 Naira in company shares. If she walks out of the relationship, please don’t be mad, in 5 years try and see how much your shares are worth.

People would try to manipulate you saying you have been having sex with her, I want you to know that it’s not like this all over the world. Sex is a mutual enjoyment between man and woman in other parts of the world and not a paid employment.

Lexusgs430:


Your mother in law asking for financial assistance, is no big deal..... She asked you to loan her and not dash her. Even if she requested you dashed her, it's not too much to ask for.......

Call her back and render the financial assistance, if you are able to....

Once you get married, it is expected (within reason), to assist your in laws....... They raised a beautiful daughter, that's the reason you are willing to associate yourself to their Family......

They did not raise her with stones and water.......


NB : 5 years is too long biko, put a ring on it (send invite, I love to chop party rice).....

We are the ones pushing our young men to crime.

I think we should all stop blaming the government. What da f$$k do you guys mean by in law to be, doesn’t he have his own family problems and on what ground should he bare the full financial responsibility of a girl friend, and later if she picks another guy to settle down with you guys will be the first to say let her marry who she wants forgetting you once refer to her family as “IN LAW TO BE”

Letzdothething:
same way she dated him for five years is the same way he dated her for five years.

Helloooo, where are the gender equality warriors when you need them

My friend, nobody ever loves a poor guy. Don't be fooled to settle for less to a poor girl for love, she most likely wouldn't love the guy if she had a better choice or if the guy was broke. The probability is high.

Make the best decision not for emotions but the best based on data, experience and assumption.

And when the lady finally becomes successful she suddenly wants someone in her league base on this thread below. You think the likes of Linda Ikeji didn’t get any boy friend support whilst struggling in the university, but now demands are very high.

https://www.nairaland.com/4339785/run-away-successful-lady-above/10#64981063

Double standard comments everywhere. Nobody has asked you what you do for a living because we live in a selfish society.

Below was my comment on the attached link. You don’t need to do anything my guy, Nigerian parents should from today be forced to have not more than 2 kids, many mothers have teenage daughters that they don’t give a sh$it about how they survive. School fees, rent and food should not be placed on your shoulder...very heartless people everywhere

https://www.nairaland.com/4339785/run-away-successful-lady-above/10#64981063

“Women’s lies are not meant to deceive other women, they are meant to deceive men but definitely not men like me.
Nigerian men don’t want their women to succeed more than them, but yet they help her sometimes pay her tuition, send her money for provision, pay her rent in school, send her recharge cards in her struggling days and whilst doing all these the ‘I don’t want my woman to succeed more than me man’ is prolly living on garri and groundnut.

You can tell yourself whatever that soothes your mind, the truth can never be faulted, Nigerian men are the most caring men around the world. We are tired of hearing there are no good men, and we get the whole concept of assortative mating of picking a partner in your league but biological clock can’t be reset....I’m just saying don’t wait until those eggs are fried out.

In the end, biology wins, and everything else was just an illusion of what people thought they really wanted.”

Look at all the products use around the world and ask yourself where the raw materials come from. Africa has everything to be self sustaining, and Africa can indeed be better than any developed country in the west if corruption is at zero level and we produce what we consume.

Let me just pick one example

Oil and gas. We are exporting our jobs abroad by refining our crude oil abroad, and also wasting our fossil fuel in gas flaring which should have been use to generate electricity. We are losing $10m daily on fuel importation daily.

Now take a pen and list all importations in major sectors. The point I’m trying to make is we shouldn’t be importing in some sectors, whilst in some we don’t have a choice than to import.

Africa’s growth will surely affect the west, so don’t ever think they will continue to witness exponential growth. We even import stock fish from Norway and that also places a huge strain on forex. We need government to make policies to cater for what we really need and not what we want, we are not going to die from not eating panla.

^^^
This discussion is a general discussion and I see no reason why you are taking it so personal. Atleast have the courtesy to articulate your objection sufficiently, so that it’s not unrecognizably vague and suggestive without any substance.

Your assumptions are full of fallacy and you already know that.

The question is whether you’re up to revise your misconceptions and confront the facts.

But this would mean to abandon your passive-aggressive way of dropping comments on the sideline and actually engage others in a (hopefully) constructive discussion manner.

Complex issues are just a little part of it, generally it has more to do with greed. When men become successful they spread the wealth, when women become more successful they go into compulsive hoarding, also known as hoarding disorder.

How to spot this behavior in most women
1. She is not ready to spend her money to book a vacation holiday for her and her spouse. Men don’t have a problem with doing this
2. When married she hoards her income and use that for personal shopping, whilst the man is told to be a man and bare the financial burden of the household.
I can go on and on and list the double standards of the millennial females. They hate to hear the truth and are averse to the reality of life, and any attempt to point them in the right direction, they become hysterical and try to use emotional manipulation to win the argument.

Once again it’s more of greed than complex issues.

[quote author=elomez post=64981063][/quote]
For centuries men who have been successful have been marrying with no hassles.
To you pointing out reality is mocking, that’s interesting to know. I ordinarily wouldn’t have brought up the biological angle but many times Linda Ikeji has made utterances that suggest she has intentions to start a family.

It doesn’t bother me one bit if a successful woman choose not to marry and have kids, what I find to be an outcry is saying there are no good men out there just because of her current financial status.

It’s amazing how these millennials think, for a fact majority of married men earn more than their wives, if we were to apply your logic of people must marry from same level of finance then maybe you won’t be here. If all successful men start screaming there are no good women out there, how would you react.

elomez:


A typical Nigerian man's mentally is to never see a woman succeed more than he does. That's just the simple truth. Please you guys should just leave successful single women alone. They know what they want and if it's available they will settle.

Women’s lies are not meant to deceive other women, they are meant to deceive men but definitely not men like me.
Nigerian men don’t want their women to succeed more than them, but yet they help her sometimes pay her tuition, send her money for provision, pay her rent in school, send her recharge cards in her struggling days and whilst doing all these the ‘I don’t want my woman to succeed more than me man’ is prolly living on garri and groundnut.

You can tell yourself whatever that soothes your mind, the truth can never be faulted, Nigerian men are the most caring men around the world. We are tired of hearing there are no good men, and we get the whole concept of assortative mating of picking a partner in your league but biological clock can’t be reset....I’m just saying don’t wait until those eggs are fried out.

In the end, biology wins, and everything else was just an illusion of what people thought they really wanted.

elomez:


I get the point. But truth is that a woman who strives to be successful will not settle for anything less than her level of success. When she turns down any guy who is not her match it becomes a problem. She has sacrificed a lot to develop herself to be where she is and won't settle for less. Why should a guy who is not willing to develop himself go after a lady who loves success? It won't work na. This is where she will get all manner of names. What she needs is someone whom she can look up to that appreciates her success and even make her to be more successful.

What more success do women like Linda Ikeji want, except you are arguing they need an Otedola to become more richer and you know Nigeria is a 3rd world country with very low per capital income and GDP, how do you think they can find a more richer man to marry assuming your definition of success is solely quantified by money.

Are you saying an average Joe working in Skye bank can’t support their dreams and aspirations. Money is not everything, and they should know by now if truly they are successful, otherwise they are going to keep on ploughing for that billionaire husband. I am all for self improvement but shutting down eligible suitors solely based on money is creepy and pathetic.

You can see for yourself the double standards of women in your statement that women need someone to look up to. Sorry they have there priorities wrong, they don’t need someone to look up to but someone to support their dreams, someone they share same interests and life goals with, and life goals don’t always have to be money. When you say they need someone to look up to remember you are indirectly saying men should always be above women, I don’t think that’s a healthy mind set.

And just because they are successful today doesn’t mean businesses don’t collapse, and I’m sure when that happens you find them flirting naturally with the eligible average Joe.

wwwtortoise:


Lol
I know your type. You are a frustrated half-man who easily gets intimidated by successful independent ladies.

Well I will give a simple advice.... Change your orientation on this subject matter or go pick a spouse from your village.

Your life, your choice but never again should you make generalized assumption from your sh!tlife experiences.

And to even think you wanted to sound intelligent by adding biblical/religious reference only makes you dumb and silly.

D!ckhead

Can you point to the biblical or religious reference, and my opinion so far has not given you enough information to suggest I’m intimidated by successful women.

wwwtortoise:


Can you expatiate the boldened.
You are beginning to sound silly

I owe you no explanation fu$ktard

I just got a glimpse of this below. When government makes such a blunder then I don’t think the guys in the affairs of this nation know what they are doing. We are in 2018 now and instead of 20,000MW we are struggling to produce 2000MW.

https://www.nairaland.com/1427843/fg-reassures-nigerians-20000mw-electricity

elomez:
So in other words, women were not supposed to be successful in life but be in abject poverty, be failures and wait until a man comes in and marry them before they become relevant in life. I really fear for the thoughts in a black man's mind.

That’s not the message, women when successful should be marrying like normal successful men are doing. We don’t want any woman in abject poverty as you put it.

You can see the few successful women have refused to marry or settle down, God knows why he put the worlds wealth in the hands of men.
No matter what feminism tries to achieve in terms of equal pay, men would always find another higher source of wealth creation, and they have once again done so by creating crypto currency trying to move away from fiat money.

Women are so full of pride, ego and very selfish. Very few would spend their money on boo, only to litter your chat with bae, boo and emoticons, abeg this 2018 if you can’t spend that money on boo hide your face.

Gerrard59:



Women date/marry up (psychology and nature makes it so). I don't know why it's taking so long for NL males to understand this!

Exactly what I’ve been thinking, hence why Genevieve and co have not settled down yet. Someone wrote here the pickings of good men out there are slim, that’s the female mind set. Pickings are slim when they set unrealistic expectations of how a man should look, but they forget that women are using artificial beauty products to enhance their look by 50%.

One thing I know about women is that they act and look fake to a point they have a borderline dissonance from reality, up to age 50 for rich black women (they age better than Caucasian women) they continue to live in illusion, the reality check starts I think at age 50 for them. So I’m sure Linda Ikeji and her cohorts will finally settle down at that age, because they have to hit the wall very hard first way past their prime.

Nigerian men know the red flags to look out for, and her success is not one of them. We observe how you treat restaurant employees, your personal driver etc. We are not quick to criticize women, but we will use every available opportunity to call women out to stop the double standards and try to date down also.

I think OP points are in order, if you're any higher than a 5 and consistently can't keep a man around YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, you are usually so full of yourselves thinking you’re the shi$t and your obsession with what your friends think about your guy will keep you single for a long time. The whole idea of this thread is to nudge you to reality to stop drooling over shi$t you can't have. This hypergamy is even more pronounced in online dating from various survey showing a 90/10% rule, 90% of women online are f$$kin 10% of high status men available, no wonder they complain the pickings are slim.

I can only make an exception for an ugly rich lady, as it’s difficult to tell if it’s her ugliness working against her and not her attitude.

Change is inevitable, you need to enjoy this new wave of online dating like its Blockchain, but just don’t make it your primary source of getting laid.
Do some cat fishing by modifying your profile pixs and bio as many times as possible like the girls are doing so your ROI blows your mind.
The good thing is with online dating you can suddenly hype your dressing to look like an IT CEO, remember we are in the digital age of dating and not analogue anymore, this time it’s all about the container and not the content.

Be like water my friend and stop complaining...x

papauju:
yes my sister men are controlled by what they saw while women are controlled by what they hear

Both men and women are controlled by what they see and hear to some varying degree. This modern age degeneracy is one that makes it hard to pigeon hole sluttiness to a particular gender, religion, race or society, the sex trojan is everywhere due to the internet.

As for me I would rather live in an immoral world full of sex, than an uptight depressing society, because sex is one of the fastest and easiest modes to let out tension and stress through dopemine.

No religion can ever go against the basic rules of nature when it comes to sex, that’s why I have black friends f$$$kin Arab women.