₦airaland Forum

Nice words.

Mcdoe, the only way you can know is to do any of these.

One, don't marry. Don't even bother to plan for it. Live your life in Romeo and Juliet type or the Titanic style. Be honest with you girl. Tell her you don't believe in marriage. So sell her your idea of perfect love. You would definitely have a recruit. Many shares your viem. Also, stop attending marriage functions since you don't believe in it. In short, practice what you believe and be a role model to others.

The second option is for you to try it. Try it out! Get married to a lovely lady you have always loved sincerely. I mean the lady that made your "Romeo and Juliet" love a reality. Be honest with yourself. Keep loving and don't marry for lust.

Betweem these two experiments, you would understand why marriage strenghten love. The only other option is for you to sit on the fence and watch others do it for you. You can be a fan, a spectator cheering or booing others as they rise and fall in love. It is a worthy experiment for you to undertake.

Goodluck

As at?

Giving judgement without evidence or complete facts is a terrible error. You didn't tell us what went wrong with his early marriages. Perhaps he was hurt, or he was the one that hurt others. After two marriage, a man isn't ignorance of love. He might have reasons. By the way, why are u the one paying the bills and keeping the home when you are not married? Had he promised you marriage? Is he living in your house or you live in his house? How old is he, and you?

Don't rush into any action you would regret later. There are more questions for you. Do a soul searching, are you forcing yourself on him or did he felt so? Don't forget he had had two failed marriages, he may be suffering from hang over, psychologically. Only you knows. You have lived long enough with him to know his trouble. Let wisdom guide you. If you felt cheated, then quit before you become his third failed marriage. I advic u also commit it to prayer. "in all your ways, lean not on your own understanding, acknowledge God, an He will direct your steps"

you sounded like a caring, loving woman,whose only need is to be appreciated for even a short time. I prays for you!

I must however add that most virgin are just a potential slut waiting for opportunity to let loose the steam. Some are worst than street slut,

I think one of the reasns is that, men who sleep easily with ladies finds that some ladies are sluts. They turned themselves into bedroom experiments and made a nuisance of womanhood. They therefore made a mental note to avoid such lady as a marriage material. In this age, where things are even more complicated, some men find the best insurance in marrying a virgin or a rather conservative lady. Those ladies with hot pants would have to find their match elsewhere. Abi if you are given a brand new Toyota corrolla and a badly battered hummer jeep with good body but a nearly dead engine. Which would you pick? Over to you!

I don't think it is fair to call every ladies dating a married man a husband snatcher until we get certain right. I also don't think every married man that show love to another lady, is a cheat or trying to av mistress. Until we put certain facts together, the probability of misleading people sincere case is high.

From the lady's presentation, I see a strong point. She didn't give complete presentation though. The guy may be real and i supposed he is. Why? Because he wasn't bent on having the lady. He gave her room to make a better choice. He is idealy any woman dream. His only offence is HE WAS MARRIED. But he didn't pretend about it. Personally, I am a living witness to the fact that a man can actually shower love on a lady without dating her. I am not alone. I know some guys that are better than i am. Though, i am not married, I have had to make some personal sacrifices to kept some ladies with broken heart happy. Gave advice, yet make it clear, i am not going to date them.I NEVER DID. Yet my girl would be the first to know. At least she know her man and can vouch for me. I hid nothing even an intimate text from other ladies. That is trust. Nobody is perfect but sincerity and trust is greatly required in any relationship. I just don't know why everyone generailizes just because some cassanova are having a field day banging some uncultured, and ignorance ladies.

In a matter like this, caution is the best approach. Is the guy or lady a muslim? Are they from culturally polygamous home? Is the guy interested in marrying her? Has he indicated so? What was his wife response? How old is the guy? All sensible questions need clarification before advi should be given. Take care.

Hmm . The guy may not see it that way. He is probably not a romantic type. You are not selfish. But don't make it hard on him to start doubting you so called love. He may actualy love you. I know a couple of guys who are shy and are better lover. So try help him to love you.

But you didn't tell us certain things: Are you married to him? It appears you are living together, do you planned to marry or you are just hoping he'll marry you? What happen to the mother of his son you are taking care of? Dead or alive? You also didn't tell us what "small thing" means. It appear the two of you are in agreement sha. Take care and stay focus

I am not an expert in recalling adages. I know something about them though. They don't work for everybody. For instance. "ABSENCE MAKE HEART GROWs FONDER" and "OUT OF SIGHT IS OUT OF MIND!" Meditate on them, you would understand better.

Now, I repeat IF YOU WANT A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP FIRST IMPRESSION SHOULD NOT BE THE BASIC OF JUDGING A MAN. Look deeper. KNOW WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH.

Let me help you since you appear real and needing help.
You want to live permanently in a house, you know what your dream house must be. You searches for years and finally got a couple of offers. Let say two. One is expensive and needs exterior painting. The owner assure you that he had taken care of everything inside but ask you to be patience while he do the gardening and later paint the exterior. He gave you options of down payment over a period.

The other is not  expensive. The outer sorrounding had been beatified. Garden were already made. The owner want you to pay immediately with no assurance of money back if he disappoint.

Most deperate people with their eyes of FIRST IMPRESSION would fall for the later. Because "action speaks louder? Than words even before the enter any of the building. Only a fool would buy something before knowing it content regardles of what the action of the seller gave you.

Similar example exist when applying for job. Your appearance merely give others a " notice me" sign. It is good wen you want to quickly screen the candidates. Nevertheles,smart employer would stil probe into your ability. To know why you are there. Little wonder most of the candidates that failed first impression test actualy made the final selection especially those with great ability.

In relationship, this knowlegde helps when you want a long term relationship. DON'T DECIDE ON DAY ONE. If he treat you badly, he may have his reason. Maybe you don't worth his sweat. You know some guys are like that. Don't jump to his bed before you know him. Men can fake love, if they wish.

For ladies: DON'T MARRY SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU GOT IMPREGNATED BY HIM. If you don't love him, if he isn't interested in your pregnancy, why tie yourself to a life of despair? Prevention is better than cure. That is why abstinence is the best. Those you are impregnated by mistake as far as I know are foolish people who ought to thank God for giving them unwanted pregnancy instead of HIV virus. As for the guys, I reserve my comment because I am a guy.

Tell that your friend to do something fast. If they truly love one another, they can rebuild their love. Who knows, money might be at the centre of their problem.

You have said it all. Read yourself again. You'll find that your friend wasn't in love. His was infatuation. It is obvious their relation was borne of the fun they enjoy together. Having sex with a lady doesn't signify love. Else rapists would be the better lovers. Seeing someone everyday and going everywhere with him, is also not sign of love. These are only expression of love. We all know that expression and impression mean different thing.
If you love someone you would be willing to stand by that person regardles of the situation you find yourself. A lady get pregnant for you and you ask for abortion knowing fully well she may lose her life or her womb. That isn't love at all. The mistake most lady made is they rushes head long to marriage for whe wrong reason "to keep their man". That is not the purpose of marriage.

When you have a situation where your partner lose interest in you after marriage something is wrong with you or him. The following could be suspect:
IT IS POSIBLE THE LOVE U PROFESSES IS FAKE,

EITHER OF YOU HAVE WRONG CONCEPTION OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE

THE UNION IS BONDED BY FORCE OR THREAT <of any kind. Includind those afraid of not getting a partner for age reason, pressure from parents, peers etc >

there are many more. The purpose of courtship <not dating> is to assess your compatibility and wet ground for mutual understanding. If you skip it, you take a big gamble. Indeed marriage is a gamble but not the kalokalo type where you lose more than you gain. It is a win-win affair. All things being equal only marriage offer ground for love to bloom and BEAR fruit.

And when she meet her "type" and got badly bruised with brokenheart, she starts blaming it on whole of men community including the innocent she had rejected. Women don't make sense at all. They actually made men cheats.

Machiavelli rightly exonorated the "bad" men in his immortal words. I quote, "A MAN WHO WANT TO BE GOOD ALL THE TIME IS BOUND TO COME TO GRIEF AMONG D GR8 NUMBER WHO R BAD, A PRINCE WHO WANTS TO MAINTAIN HIS AUTORITY MUST LEARN HOW NOT TO B GUD, AND USE THAT KNOWLEDGE , OR REFRAIN FROM USING IT, AS NECESSITY REQUIRES"

In short, most girls actually invite what they got. Men are just responding to their demand.

And when she meet her "type" and got badly bruised with brokenheart, she starts blaming it on whole of men community including the innocent she had rejected. Women don't make sense at all. They actually made men cheats.

Machiavelli rightly exonorated the "bad" men in his immortal words. I quote, "A MAN WHO WANT TO BE GOOD ALL THE TIME IS BOUND TO COME TO GRIEF AMONG D GR8 NUMBER WHO R BAD, A PRINCE WHO WANTS TO MAINTAIN HIS AUTORITY MUST LEARN HOW NOT TO B GUD, AND USE THAT KNOWLEDGE , OR REFRAIN FROM USING IT, AS NECESSITY REQUIRES"

In short, most girls actually invite what they got. Men are just responding to their demand.

Another tale of ladies' frank? You are lucky. U have the last laugh. At least you know what she want.

O ga o!

Alu wetin? Our police would turn you to training material. It is a good idea sha. But to do that unemployed graduate MUST form a union. That had been my plan for sometime. I am working on it bt i am also busy. See? I would use the nairaland to mobilze for it. By the time we are done, that is if people want to go along the struggle, govt would b forced to sit down. What do you think. In fact i am posting a thread later to test our graduate resolves.

Back to Jer it doesn't matter who their godfather. We need to establish a prove. Who is OBJ ? Can he walk the street of Oshodi alone without being lynched? Sincerely, someone had got to help others by getting the prove of their crime. With prove, the job is half done. Forget OBJ, he won't intervene. I bet he won't.

That is what we are saying. Trust and decorum. First, if a guy trust his lady all other men and their antic doesn't matter as long as they are both honest. I personally don't hid a thing from my girl. If I get a lovely message i won't delete it. If she like, she read it and at times, she ignore it. That is why i respect her. The rule we made was if any suspicious arose, we must ask question and be honest about it. No one is perfect but true love recognize there is bound to be diversion. So we must be prepared. Personally I had an adopted sister who is now abroad. I used to send her lovely texts regularly. She told me her guy read the messages and initialy got suspecious. Of course she explained to him. I met the guy later, and we had fun over the messages I sent his babe. Believe me, we are best of friend even more than we imagined. The point is, if you have no skeleton to hide, you need not panic. Love is trust. Without trust, there is no love.

This however doesn't implied that you turn blind eye to obvious cheat. There is always a way to catch a flirting partner. Best way is: relax. Let her play her her game. Remeber something about how they catct monkey in India ?

That is what we are saying. Trust and decorum. First, if a guy trust his lady all other men and their antic doesn't matter as long as they are both honest. I personally don't hid a thing from my girl. If I get a lovely message i won't delete it. If she like, she read it and at times, she ignore it. That is why i respect her. The rule we made was if any suspicious arose, we must ask question and be honest about it. No one is perfect but true love recognize there is bound to be diversion. So we must be prepared. Personally I had an adopted sister who is now abroad. I used to send her lovely texts regularly. She told me her guy read the messages and initialy got suspecious. Of course she explained to him. I met the guy later, and we had fun over the messages I sent his babe. Believe me, we are best of friend even more than we imagined. The point is, if you have no skeleton to hide, you need not panic. Love is trust. Without trust, there is no love.

This however doesn't implied that you turn blind eye to obvious cheat. There is always a way to catch a flirting partner. Best way is: relax. Let her play her her game. Remeber something about how they catct monkey in India ?

Mcdoe, opening door for a lady to enter a car, room buying flowers etc are not necesarily signs of love. Get it right that we are Afrian, it is not in our tradition. I am also not aware of any religion promoting it. They are just a show of courtesy, politeness not love.

To clarify my point, when a guard open door for his master to enter a car or room then follow by a bow, whatever, does that action implies love or servitude? Women want to be treated as queen so men bow to their wish willingly and sometimes reluctantly just to show they care.

After marriage, things like this become a nuisance when tradition take take it full course. You would have to keep improving on your love and adapt to situations rather than expect your man to act as an adolescent. Fact is, even to you girls, the act become boring. There are more ways to show love than opening doors for ladies. And only marriage offer the best options.

You are extremely lucky to have such a lady. At least you are number 1 that mean you are favorite. I trust you to have done something about that. Else,

Ayisha? You correct. Interestingly I have met a lot of wonder guys and gal who know how to enjoy the game without ending in the wrong hands. But thex are few and in most cases they can easily be recruited to join their colleages on the wrong side.

The habit is strangely contagious. The only cure seems to be painful heartbreak. There after, the smart ones learn to be sensible. The other cure is isolation. When a lady reaches 40 and single still searching, he would use her head before she expired. The third recommendation is to go spiritual. Muslims, check your quran and obey the rules of dating; christains, check your bible and do likewise; and traditionalist should stay glue to their traditions.

Your observations are correct. Thanks for opening that topic. That is why I used to say when a ladies are jilted or maltreated the causes is more frequently because of the rules they made. Rules which make them willing fall in love with a guy that is lying openly to them and they stupidly call it 'humour' ; rules that made them commit to a bad guy while snubing good guys. Women don't make sense. Most of them, not all of them. That is why I had my set of rules too. I know when a lady is a marriage material or a football. For the later, I don't have much to do since I am not a striker. I am a goal keeper. My job is to keep them off my post and throw them out of my life while watching over my back yard. For a stupid player who want to score an own goal.

Sammy, much of the troubles in dating were result of women irrationalites and stupid rule. Funny enough, they thought they are in control. Ever had of football being in control of players, though important. It is the players that made the game interesting not the ball. The quality of the ball can decide the out sometimes.

Still checking.

Did anyone say Amen? Ummm! The guy is actually a player. But he scored cheap goal. Then two own goals. So he is losing the game unless he level or score more goals. Time is running out.

I pray it is a joke because two and half human being had lost something precious in life. That silly 18 year old who is just starting out her career is in soup. It may affect her education, and her ability to settle down with another man in future if you dumb her as I am certain you would.

The corper is both fortunate and unfortunate. As old as she is, she stupidly get pregnant for a younger man. At times women don't seem to make sense. Then, she aborted the innocent baby before it even have time to shape. How could she know whether she had just terminated the only fortunate kid in her womb? Or how could she be sure she hadn't destroy her womb? She is fortunate in that she would not be carrying shame that would have arose had she kept the foetus. And she may still be lucky to get a man at 33.

As for you, congrat. I pray the girl give birth to tripplet that would be your best gift. Maybe you can keep the rod where it belong. Just don't tell the young girl to perform abortion. She may lose her life and that would surely land you in jail.

Carry your cross BABA IBEJI.

Oloopa ooo! Jer what? You mean that company is demanding money or are you joking ? Honesty, I saw their ad and it look so tempting that I wanted to recommend it for someone. I forgot though. I think if your claim is true, those prospective victims should set them up. They are foreigners, they can't come to our land to exploit our youths just because we have irresponsible govt.

Anyone that is invited should go. But with a tip at EFCC. There must be a way to get evidence that could nail them. I am sure Ribadu would help. This is not a joke, if Kalu and co can be cooling there bottom at a prison in spite of their enourmous power and wealth, who is an unknown foreigner that would be above the law? Those who had applied must watchout and confirm if there is a scam going on. This is naija, not china. Let try it. Habi?

Waoo adulterous generation!!! No wonder, they keep advising everyone to double-date. I am reading. Tis confession time, More sinners pleeeaaass!!

Waoo adulterous generation!!! No wonder, they keep advising everyone to double-date. I am reading. Tis confession time, More sinners pleeeaaass!!

Waoo adulterous generation!!! No wonder, they keep advising everyone to double-date. I am reading. Tis confession time, More sinners pleeeaaass!!

"That is my point! Ladies want to be treated like queens whether they deserve it or not. That is why they spends fortune on themselves and look out for their dream man to appear."
That is one of the rules you made. I agree that women must be treated like a queen. The most dreaded law in the world is SHARIAH. And it would surprise proponents of gender equality, that shariah placed enormous burden on men to treat their ladies very, very kindly. The ladies are actually the queen in most cases i saw. It is thus the universal rule for ladies to choose a caring partner. Someone that appreciate them. And it is natural that men treat them as queens.

For every law, criminals evolves at least three new strategies to beat it. That is why law is dynamic. That is why lawyers made fortune from criminal cases.

RULE 1:
"The bad boy bent on winning the heart of a lady by all means must shield his 'badness' when approaching a good gal. To win, he must colour his actions and inactions in a way that suit the target object" after winning, he may choose to manifest himself,

FOR SMART LADIES:

"if you seek long term relation, first impression should never be the key to your choice. Outward appearance that appear perfect, flawless, out of this world character is an indication that you must dig deep before committing to him. It takes time to know a man."

Don't commit your heart on day one. Know who you are dealing with before you lose your heart. Don't judge a man's love by first impression: Let it develop at it own phase.

As for guys, don't worry, women would always be women. Aja ti yio sonu koni gbo fere olode, If you can buy him with gold, done!

Iwajay, u are right. I love your input. The reality however is that, the guy won't comeback today as you thought. He planned to return in five years unless he won lottery. Don't forget that is naija mentality anytime they travel out. They stay away up to 3-4 years minimum to earn dollar b4 coming home. These are usually people that are determined to make it oversea. Unless they are studying abroad or have mentors, sponsors. The girl must have put that factors into consideration before making her decision not to wait for him. Uncertainity and realistic judgement based on she alone know.

As for if other guys come calling, that is to be expected. Even men toasts marry ladies, young or old. That would be another story. It would surely come unless she is some no one want to date. She would cross that bridge,

The gal had already made up her mind. She is already enjoying her decision. By the way we are at digital age. She won't miss a single call if do the right thing. Do you know you cam switch off your phone and still receive call that goes through it. At least for a period and at a cost? By the way what do you do if you actually lost the line? Just act as if you'd lost the line. That is all. Luckily people lose their phone everyday. Including the saved contact and info. Once again the lady had been reaping the fruit of her decision.

What is love, if I may ask? Do you think love is all about dating? Have you ever love someone without feeling the desire to marry ? What about your parent, don't you love them?

Your question is a result of your lack of understanding of what is love. The answer had been stated already. No. Marriage is actually the begining of love. That is why we celebrates it.

You want to stay with your partner for better for worse. Only love can make that happen. True love actually manifest when you marry. Those examples you mentioned, especially titanic ended tragically. Try think of Abraham and Sarah for instance, you can learn a great deal from that instead of looking at tragedies,