₦airaland Forum

I am september 18

After four years of infidelity, he still want to buy more time. He sleeps around with girls and never pretend about it, then he asked you to wait.
The funny part, you continues to have sex with him! How would you be sure of what he actually think of you while sleeping with other girls? MUGU! You are either benefiting something from him or you are hoping he'll change someday.

Stop having sex with him. You are not just at risk of further abused, you risks HIV/AIDS! You don't even know if he is protecting himself well.

It hurts but make a firm decision to forget him. Flow with friends. They would help. Get busy on something productive. You can do it.

E se gan!

You must also tell him to add an 'escape clause' so that if he ever find out that he had actually been robbed the lady must refund all expenses incured during the wedding. And of course pay for 'emotional damage.' luckily, we don't have such law. But you might create something like that. At least you won't lose on both sides.

I like your gal, maybe she want to have final show before the wedding.

Women are strange and funny. Someone said she wasn't caught. Take a second look. You left somebody who is supposed to be resting at home. Then, you found her in another place, half naked with a man half naked, then you still want a prove of infidelity. Hahahaha !

Maybe she forget sth at your friend house and on the way, rain drenched her clothes, Tales from nollywood!

I am honestly amused. But somehow I have no advice. Maybe I should have fun like others,

A free for all you mean? Dating in your own context mean having sex and doing such intimate things. Else you could have call it friendship. If my understanding match your situation. I will put it back to you this way: " would you marry a lady who had been dating men (your style) for many years, (before and after) meeting you? How would you portrait her?

Over to you. Do unto others, Pls complete it.

A delicate situation. Where have you been these years? You are lucky it happened before the wedding. The choice is yours to make.

Somehow, some girls/ladies actually enjoys the beating. They thought it is sign of a real man. The man who can protect them. Though I hate the act and I don't do it. I had noticed it is in the nature of some women to be beaten. If not, they wouldn't stay in the affair that reduce them to punching bag just for love.

Do u meam some guys are simply playing prank on graduates by inviting them to a test for non existing vacancies? Any one with such gory tale?

,

I hope he is reading it,

Iroyin o dabi afojuba!

I happen to know what I am saying. And I have seen two similar problems leading either way. That was why i gave the two possible outcome. But in life, event keep changing. You thought you have seen it all, while it so happen that you are wrong. All I had just said in on state is "prevention is better than cure"
you never can tell. I am not there so I don't think I should make a blank statement about someone I don't know.

Let me give you an example. A guy I happen to know was in a relationship with a lady. The lady was not a graduate (that is her alibi) while the guy was doing his programme at a state university. The lady was in love so she cut off relationship with what her bf called 'dangerous' guys. Mostly to please her man. She spent proceed from her small business on him. The guy was the best thing in the world. They are getting married after his NYSC. That was their dream. But the dream never materialized. The guy graduated. Then the story changed. By this time, the lady had chased away eligible guy 'just to please her man' . She is still searching at 30 While the guy had two kids now with another lady.

There is also a case of my own adopted sister in similar state but good ending. The guy asked her to stop seeing a particular man, out of suspicious. My sister took a painful decision: she obliged but with caution. She stopped seeing the suspect but didn't fight him.

Today she is happily married to the supposedly jealous man with a kid. And the interesting thing is 'the suspect is now a very good family friend!'

These are real life. So I could say I know what I was saying.

If we are there, it is save to make categorical statemen. Who knows, what your man need is security. Give him and watch what happen. But don't lose your liberty. Please him but be sure he is worth the sacrifice. And again, don't get desperate. Be prayerful.

I understand you now lady. U are in a situation that may hurt you now and later. I MUST FIRST AND FOREMOST ASK YOU TO CHANGE YOUR LINE. I reverse myself because of the delicate nature of your case. DO IT TODAY OR TOMORROW latest. BUT BUY THE LINE WITH YOUR OWN MONEY.( i have a very good reason. It is your insurance. If u ask why maybe i'll later.)

it appear you love your new guy. But I am trying to figure out something which only you can answer. Did he actually love you? Let pray he does. Another is, (sorry, men are around. Figure it out yourself)

After buying new line tell him and watch his reaction. Give him the old line or throw it away in his presence. I suggest you destroy it if guys call you regularly. Because, he is going to activate it later and hear those voices or read the text you never know were sent.

Well, for your information, the old guy have his options. He can keep trying and eventualy get your line again. He may also decide to let you go. I don't know him so I can't tell.

Meanwhile try win your man love back and earn his trust before the old guy get your line back. Because, the story would change. Don't tell your old guy your changing line. Tell him if he ever ask especialy online that you lost it. You would buy another later.

I have reason for adopting this approach. You can modify it. If your ex call using another line JUST GREET HIM no fight nothing. Dont give your guy reason to doubt you.

Finally, if you are JUST STICKING to your new guy because no one look your way or fear of being left in the lurch at your prime, you need help. Fast. If there is love between you and your new guy. DON'T EVER SHOW DESPERATION to marry. Talk of fry pan to fire.
Good luck.

I understand you now lady. U are in a situation that may hurt you now and later. I MUST FIRST AND FOREMOST ASK YOU TO CHANGE YOUR LINE. I reverse myself because of the delicate nature of your case. DO IT TODAY OR TOMORROW latest. BUT BUY THE LINE WITH YOUR OWN MONEY.( i have a very good reason. It is your insurance. If u ask why maybe i'll later.)

it appear you love your new guy. But I am trying to figure out something which only you can answer. Did he actually love you? Let pray he does. Another is, (sorry, men are around. Figure it out yourself)

After buying new line tell him and watch his reaction. Give him the old line or throw it away in his presence. I suggest you destroy it if guys call you regularly. Because, he is going to activate it later and hear those voices or read the text you never know were sent.

Well, for your information, the old guy have his options. He can keep trying and eventualy get your line again. He may also decide to let you go. I don't know him so I can't tell.

Meanwhile try win your man love back and earn his trust before the old guy get your line back. Because, the story would change. Don't tell your old guy your changing line. Tell him if he ever ask especialy online that you lost it. You would buy another later.

I have reason for adopting this approach. You can modify it. If your ex call using another line JUST GREET HIM no fight nothing. Dont give your guy reason to doubt you.

Finally, if you are JUST STICKING to your new guy because no one look your way or fear of being left in the lurch at your prime, you need help. Fast. If there is love between you and your new guy. DON'T EVER SHOW DESPERATION to marry. Talk of fry pan to fire.
Good luck.

All said. Nobody opposes your being friend with him. You said you had been communicating with him even in those two years at least once a week. If that is the case, you had been fair with him. And your new guy, sorry your fiance is aware. He according to you had warned you of continued communication before now. I believe he is fair by let you communicate with your ex.

He is not controlling at all. He had shown maturity of an ideal man. Some guy would have asked you to change your phone like I read in one of the thread posted today, Respect that from him and don't let him have any reason to start doubting you. You would lose on both side. Your ex still carry the old problem. So, he is a big gamble for you.

The issue is, 'he want you back, and wanted to fight for your love. He believes you belongs to him. It is obvious he want more than just being friend. He is already a friend in those two years. He just want a 'step forward' a potentially dangerous step for you. That is why you should severe tie if he is adamant.

if a man want to date a difficult lady against her restrictions, that is one of the steps we take! Just friend! Though, again, I must warn, there are exceptions.

If you are not careful, you would start dreaming of old time again and fall. That is not to say all men expecially those who want to be friend want you back. Men are complex. One man is not every man. That is why i laugh when some ladies cheat on men. Orwhen they try to be in control. You are never in control, ladies. Respect your man!

All said. Nobody opposes your being friend with him. You said you had been communicating with him even in those two years at least once a week. If that is the case, you had been fair with him. And your new guy, sorry your fiance is aware. He according to you had warned you of continued communication before now. I believe he is fair by let you communicate with your ex.

He is not controlling at all. He had shown maturity of an ideal man. Some guy would have asked you to change your phone like I read in one of the thread posted today, Respect that from him and don't let him have any reason to start doubting you. You would lose on both side. Your ex still carry the old problem. So, he is a big gamble for you.

The issue is, 'he want you back, and wanted to fight for your love. He believes you belongs to him. It is obvious he want more than just being friend. He is already a friend in those two years. He just want a 'step forward' a potentially dangerous step for you. That is why you should severe tie if he is adamant.

if a man want to date a difficult lady against her restrictions, that is one of the steps we take! Just friend! Though, again, I must warn, there are exceptions.

If you are not careful, you would start dreaming of old time again and fall. That is not to say all men expecially those who want to be friend want you back. Men are complex. One man is not every man. That is why i laugh when some ladies cheat on men. Orwhen they try to be in control. You are never in control, ladies. Respect your man!

Well, same result. I am sure I took a cautious path by generalizing. You asked how to know if a man love a lady. You didn't specified. But the other members put live to the forum. That is why we generalized. I am not alone.

You appeared to be hurt, and I am sure u felt so bad. That is why I would say more. Here is it,

You met a guy, for the first time, and he tell you he is this and that, mostly negative. What would you do? Most of you will throw him out instantly.
You meet another, who buy you gifts make you special and tell you all you want to hear, mostly sweat words. Which would pick, if they come at the same time. What would you do?

I am sorry sister, I didn't meant to say that you intentionally drove him to another man. But in most cases i strongly believe ladies make it possible. Perhaps we should examine it together to see what went wrong. I am not an expert but am sure other #lander would come to our aid.

To begin with, let me review your past posts so i could raise one or two issue. Hmm?

I am extremely happy you are honest about. God had shown you your path. All that is left is to guard it and build a strong fortress. Don't bother about him being your first love. Everyman feel that way. Even me. No man is ethernally destined to love ONLY one woman. That is why they are polygamous. He will get over it. The problem with him is simple: the 2nd relationship hurt him badly and he found sanctuary in his past love and you happen to be the fellow. If his 2nd relationship had worked, he would never have returned to you. That is fact though there are exceptions which are rare.

Tell him NO and let him know you are getting married. He would put up a fight to test your resolve. Be bold, don't emotionalize it. Watch out for his next steps. When he get too trouble some, cut him off. Show love to your fiance, he isn't your guy anymore. Pray for God grace and let God bless your new life. The past is gone, bury it where it belong.

One more word, every good relationship suffer a trial. You are passing through yours. Satan want to tempt you,to let you go of what God gave you(as he did to jesus, job) say a firm NO to his advance TODAY and abide in God Grace. The rest is your to nurtured.

Thanks. The honour goes to everyone. Esp seun.

Thanks. The honour goes to everyone. Esp seun.

U have no problem at all. You already make a choice. All you need is enforce it.
Your ex may truly love you. But, you are in a serious relationship now.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them sincerely. You would find the key to your happines:

After breaking up with him, did he accept ur logic and let you go? Did you love your fiance, that is your new guy ? Is your new guy caring, affectionate, faithful and satisfied you in all faculties during the period you are together? What is so special about you that draw your old guy back to you? Look at the positive traits that draw you to your new man: would you rather lose those things and embrace another guy who you know is always going to be far away from you? Is your old guy coming back to marry you or he has other plan? Since he is far away, I assure you that you would still need to know him,

By the time you finished these evaluation am sure your heart would be lighter. Once you make up your mind to reject him, just make a firm NO. If he is adamant, tell him you are engaged and worst still you are pregnant. Most guy run away from that. Stay where you know you will be happy. He called yesterday, you have time to avoid trouble, now.

Changing your line is useless. Unless you want to live in the moon. Your bf would eventually get your line bacl people close to you. Don't waste your money and time. Explain to your new bf and assure him of his love. The ball is actually in your court. He has reason to b suspicious. It is not jealousy at all. It is suspicious based more likely on the way and manner you answer your ex bf. And of course your attitude on and off the phone.
By the way, you didn't tell us what we want to hear. Why did you leave the old bf? What happened? Did your bf snatched your from him? When did it happen,b4 your ex bf travelled or after? All these are needed for us to help you. Unless you are trying to eat your cake and have it. No deal. Just don't change your line, you would be frustrated in the end if your ex bf is determined to pin you down. ONLY YOU CAN STOP HIM BY DECIDING WHERE YOUR HEART IS. Your new bf must either be intelligent , or he is a party to your spilt with the ex. At any rate, i refrain from judging until u answer my questions.

Don't take it personal my friend. It is not as if they are bad. You know what? Nigerian are interesting people. They know to make you smile while your heart bled.
You would be surprised to know some of them are actually praying for you!
Do you really need a matured lady or a playmate? Are you one of those coming to #land to mess our babe? At least you can read the number of ladies with heartbreak and sorry tales around.
Anyway, email oracle_nj@yahoo.com if you are serious. Also try your church if you think you are desperate. Read saturday punch if you want over 30 year old ladies.
Finally, watchout for one of those demanding for your cu, they may actually be interested. They just want to know if you are not trying to play them like football. Mo wii re abi mi o wi re?

I have equaly done my own youth service and enjoyed every bit of it. If fact, I wish the fun never end. That is if i look at it from that angle.
However, when you come out of your comfort zone and see the thousands that hat only tear of regret to shed, and the fact that most the beautiful programme is becoming obstacle rather than pathway, then we should do the best thing, 'scrape it or reform it.
It had defiled reforms and is already a drain pipe when millions are being wasted yearly.
Again, if you look at the way they are going, soon they would start calling for PPP just as they are doing for education. The money being lavished on the scheme should be -directed at reviving our education. Let the private sector initiate or take over NYSC and don't make it compulsory (though it maybe advantage) this would allow disaffected youths another alternative.
Finally, age discrimination is a serious problems that had been confronting jobseekers. It is one of the reasons for mass poverty and crime surges. Most graduates either have to falsify their age or stay longer in labour market.
Personally, I would want the NYSC to stay. But you cannot define success of a programme simply because you have fun. The future is equally important. Think of the human waste and you would understand better.

Can any one help with manual setting for sony ericsson k300i ? Pls send to oracle_nj@yahoo.com or post on this thread. Thanks

Passing your exams without reading in the last four years? NICON chief and other employers obssessed with grades need to read this. They believes that just passing exam with good grades make you better qualified in labour market. Though they are right, sometimes.
You are not alone. I know lots of people out there even worse than you yet doing perfectly well. Far ahead of their bookworm counterparts. It isn't your making, the system made it. Do yourself a favour, don't ignore those 'gifted' years. There is something you are doing on or off campus (I hope it is not criminal) take a second look and build your life on it. If you would need further education like adding a skill or something, go for it. It is not what happened that would determine your future, it is what you do with what happened.
Thanks for telling the world one can spend donkey years in Nigerian Universities without reading and still pass with flying colour. At least you are honest, most with similar background would never admit it. If you stay out of crime, you can win!

Adulterous generations asking for a 'sign' ?