₦airaland Forum

donstan18:
I've got many, but I'll tell one.

During my 100lvl registration then in school. Any graduate or student can relate how stressful, tiring and crowded it use to be doing registrations.

It was so sunny that very day with crowd of freshers everywhere, i got tired at some point and decided to get some rest under a tree. Unbuttoned the first two buttons of my long sleeve shirt for air while getting some rest

Some minutes later, a very big yellow-headed lizard fell from the tree and found its way inside my singlet[Singlet was tucked in my jeans], I screamed so high and got the attention of 99% of students there, while trying to make way for lizard by pulling my singlet from my jean, I ended up opening another way for the lizard to jump inside my boxer. At that moment, I shouted and nervously got confused that I couldn't differentiate my prick from the lizard in my boxer because both of them were dangling and dancing around as I was screaming and rehearsing makossa dance in public, jumping around the tree shouting and behaving like a mad man. People couldn't help because they don't know how to, rather, some were laughing and shouting in amusement.

As God had it, i successfully dragged the lizard out, it jumped out, nodded its head and was there looking at me like a fool instead of running, out of anger of embarrassment, I chased the lizard with my tattered clothes and ended up falling down while the lizard escaped. People were laughing as I was, just so FVCKING EMBARRASSED and PISSED that I was so ashamed to even stand and clean my cloth.

Fortunately, two ladies from the crowd stepped forward, helped me picked my scattered files and cleaned my clothes[Thou they were smiling and laughing while helping], and I had to laugh too in shame.

Nna eh! I just jejely gather morale waka comot, find okada begin dey go my lodge

Registration no be by force!!

Lol...
I can relate.
thus happened to a close friend of mine while in school jss1.

I have witnessed it firsthand... I was just laughing while reading this and connecting with my friends similar embarrasment.

the kind of football we play after close hour is always nasty that we do off our uniform. unknown to my friend, a big lizard crawled into his short. my guy already put the short on before realizing something big moving inside his pocket. dude was screaming, jumping and running frantically. none of us could go close to him. it was so hilarious. the lizard too was trying to escape, but the jumping made it impossible. even after pulling his short, he was still screaming � so hard that day. our friend didnt play with us for weeks.

GeniusOla:
Oya we want to close the thread for tonight o, you people should go and sleep, teaser4 abeg where the padlock dey? thread opens 5am tomorrow morning, #For AOLMAW. If you are chatting from U.S.A, though you are 6 hours behind, we are sorry, for security reasons, we have placed a temporary ban on the padlock from here, thank you. *teaser4 hands me the padlock* me *thank you boss* *closes gate* *hands over security of building to amotekun
Me:- *phew! What a day! *walks away*

At this critical moment of APL release, operation Amotekun in conjunction with epe is needed to secure this thread against future alien invasion. sir moogooogaipan, sir Teaser4, as you pleases for procession.

Naysayers.... beware oo.... you re warned.

awon omo ale jatijati.

number5:
i have not laughed so hard like this in a long while. At the end of all of these, i surely have to write a book that take's its special elements from the characters and happennings in this group. 'moogoogaipan'

would like to place an order for 1000 copies. kindly send your azza.

moogoogaipan:
I won't reply to your mail... So stop PMing me...

Just stay away from this thread, before you give those with the faintest heart an heart attack.

Goodnews for other onisokusos, I have a bibliography of incantations that are preludes of epe. tí ẹba jáwọ nínú pálapàla, èpè ní má fí bá ayé yín jẹ. èmi o n ṣe hooha oooo...

No time again...

Talk rubbish, collect your èpè...

Ride on bro.... awa l'eyin ee bi ike. awon alale ilu yi agbe ee...

if you need more epe incursion from other yoruba pantheon.... like obatala, eeshu lalu ogiri okun, sango olukoso aya ina ajala edu, ogun lakaye osi mole.... do not hesitate. At your service.

seems that's the only way to sanitize this thread.

I know these guys are bracing up expecting us to be shamed in the coming weeks if nothing dropss, but they shall be put to shame. omo ina larasi ina.

Chukeg:
I can see the colors of the rainbow And I can feel the sun on my face I see the light at the end of the tunnel And I can feel heaven in it's place And that's the sign of victory
.......R. Kelly..........

My jamz lately.... left it in repeat mode.

GeNeRaToRBoi:
No one is from kwara here so relax.... its only YOU


my Edo people, we gather they ooo

says who

Swargu:
Today's concentration at work is zero, i am on auto-pilot here.

you re not alone bro.
my colleagues don dey ask me question... I go just dey look them.
they don't know whats going on.

BenFlash:
Fact!

...but let us just imagine a scenario where this info does not materialise in 2 weeks after all these hypes. Someone should just paint a verbal picture of the 'Armageddon' that will follow suit for me.

Those MIB guys may start a WAR.

Teaser4:
May we find favor oh!
the Judgment day is near.
DAy of reckoning..
NNPC Rapture day lol...



it is well...

Naso bro. We shall dey alright.

That was how you systematically retired Aremolomi.

I ll try and contact Senator Rochas Okorocha to determine the type of materials and size for your Statue.

This further reinforce the fact that integrity, just like respect, cannot be bought but earned.

Had it been the latest update from Jarus was from a random moniker, attacks and counter-attack will be trickling in from left, right and center. Aremolomi would have rush to launch an offense without any facts to back it up. The MIB would feast on it like vultures sighting a carcass. Detectives here would have gone to work with their shovels and axe.

Sauce get class. shoes get size. Ashaw*** get levels.

Thanks Uncle J for your selfless service.

Goodnews awaits All APL hopefuls, EH Inclusive.

number5:
Being a member of this thread from inception made my mind wonder around the pages. As the official Historian of the almost now defunct AOLMAW, and for the sole purpose of comic relief, i present to you, the various categories of sources/sauces we've had, have and will have in this prestigious thread.

NB*: i will not be mentioning examples of some sensitive types as i wouldn't want to be lynched by some Grupo's in the towers.

1.SWEET SAUCES: they know the exact news that everyone connected to the recruitment wants to hear(closure) and thus, they get information from God knows were and add a title source(e.g COO, IT guy, GMD's Son, tower cleaner, tower dustbin man etc) to garnish the taste in the hearts of respective audience. E.g see NB* above

2. UNRIPE SAUCE:They know or claim to know so many things about the underground processes involved in selection of candidates such as highest scorers, selection criteria, why the will disqualify people with kwashiokor during medicals etc, but they can not tell you anything tangible about when APL will show or why it is delayed e.g cliffwoods, flowwolf09,Urbanist, tonyhopkins, C12112 etc

3. HERBAL SAUCE:They give info concerning date of APL release with such aggression and assurance that triggers the community of local men and women, only for you to find out that its from their dream or vision or intuition e.g Gbyms, lordlight etc

4. BURNT SAUCES they give release date of APL as quoted by their 'sure sauce' who is in charge of the 'list' they are never radical about it though, are always matured in their dispensation. One key attribute about them however is that they always say 'this is their last post' but always return with another date when the original one fails.. They are the most liked sourceres by the AOLMAW and are the one's keeping this thread going e.g scobyy2007, Easymoneysniper, napoleon etc

5. BITTERSWEET SAUCES :You always know their info is a PURE LIE but because its what everyone wants to hear, everbody aside the grupo's keep pampering them...its the stage you pass through before you fall into the 'burnt sauce' category e.g check NB* above

6. SALTY SAUCE :They always claim to or act as if they have one seriously sure source from untop the gmd's office, They hardly ever drop any info here as regarding the APL release date but are always very quick to throw subtle jibes or sheepishly discredit other peoples info e.g local pumpingson woman , larride, flowolf09, etc

7. SOURED SAUCE :You hardly ever know if they have any source at all, they have had several frustrations and disappointment with the Nigeria system of recruitment and so they always doubt if anything good can come in the form of recruitment...these ones, even when they bring goodnews about APL, dey add badnews inside to make sure we are not overly excited. e.g Orijinofkalu, etc

8. TASTELESS SAUCE :All their sauce always come with a condition,barring any last minuite change , once you see them, run for your life, na dem

9. RAW SAUCE :this ones have somebody somewhere who knows a gateman in an NNPC filling station somewere in katampe who is giving dem info, they dont care about the outcome of the recruitment weda they get APL or not, they are most interested and excited in giving us info, so they give it to us the way it comes, dey dont even listen to d info themselves, they just foward it as their sauce sent it and they always attach evidence.. This group can never be triggered as they get maximum satisfaction in getting the previledge to give us sauce info.. e.g, 1000airplanes

10. CREAMY SAUCE :Anything that doesn't concern olajengbesi is not their business, they like to talk about court case so much, they always provoke Teaser4 to rain down the curses

10. DEADLY SAUCE :This one's dont like goodnews at all, whenever they call their source, they are like "uncle, have they finally cancelled the recruitment? When will they announce the cancellation? e.g check NB* above


11. ACIDIC SAUCE :oh lawd in short, ademmy, muham3dd etc

12. SUCCULENT SAUCE :They always behave like a robot, you can predict their next post even as you are reading this now, they are the spirikoko pipu with mfm written allover their forehead, take a minuite to imagin they are your office mate in the towers E.g Naijatruthooha

13. SPICY SAUCE :They dont talk much, you don't need evidences to know that either they work in the towers or have strong connect in the towers, who give them the most accurate info known to anyone in the towers aside the gmd and human resource e.g panalyst, cavalier

14. DIRTY SAUCE :This ones actually have some info from their source but are always asking us to help them confirm if the info is true, or they use a comical way to relay their info to us so as to avoid being tackled. e.g ladyjane

15. SAUSAGE SAUCE :These ones know exactly whats going on with the recruitment, but ain't dropping any info. They come here often to confirm their info and for comic relief. They are just waiting for the appointed time, some of them secretly wish it to delay small for their own selfish reasons.

Ojoro...... Aremolomi is the captain of #6
Guy is quick to counter anything with the speed of light.


Nice one bro.... More ink to pen.

Why you dey drag APL with us
U probably will make a good living with your writing skills.

Na joke oo

Aremolomi:
I still don’t understand what u posted below..

So you have MD of one the Nnpc subsidiary as ur direct contact and u stated in one of ur previous post that u believed what that joker called panelyst that get info from hangers at the towers is dishing out here .

Everyone should relax , nothing like cancellation of GT or EH . Everything is intact.

I don’t need to mention my contact but she’s the custodian of the list.

Really?

Tell us more

Aremolomi:
Will u keep kwaet and stop all this false alarm.

How come u re the only one paid .. send the evidence.

Calm down bro..... Where is the chill

You re always quick to counter any info undesirous to you with little or no proof.....

Breaking....


https://www.sunnewsonline.com/breaking-nlng-takes-final-investment-decision-for-train-7/

After years of delay.... Train 7 FID comes to life....

I hope this bears good fruit ......

To APL Hopefuls




To Nigeria at large....

moogoogaipan:
I think he sat down, envisioned where he wants to be, revisioned where he was coming from and then finally deduce, that, it is not worth it to wag tongues with many creatures on this fora.
So, He locked up.
He was truly a big man, I imagined, you'll need like two clearance before you could see him, if not for NL that served as a leveller.

Boda Suraju, Salam Alaykum.

Was bawo..... Do modify.... Bro J still kicking oo.... Doing well

Slammmmmmmm:
Jarus has always been a big man.

https://punchng.com/a-leader-shouldnt-be-insecure-suraj-oyewale/?fbclid=IwAR1ztiUuVe0y8SQVg_ebhzeGF02BFBDN16y7yM0Z1F6RfwXsSPIir1JOaTQ

His interview, you guys shouldn't be surprised when he said he would reject NNPC's offer

True.... Read about it few hours ago..... Man like Jarus

highzickjosh:
Just got the mail too. Guess CBT is early January.

Seriously, I wish NNPC sort us out before then because as it is now, I doubt I've got energy left.

Same here....

Woke up this morning to see the mail.....

Holiday or no holiday..... Maybe NNPC APL notification still feasible before EOY.

Ladyjane5657:
The GMD had really wanted his soon to be soon.... But
[/b]village people[b] decided to elongate the soon!

I am from the village and we have nothing to do with this

GeNeRaToRBoi:
Buh wait ooo, oga @Jarus just left us like that without looking back. Even tho u gat better offer egbon, at least be [/b]socially responsible[b] as you have always been and avail local man currently happening with this unending recruitment. Some of us attend your interview training for this job oooo, part of the resources will invested in this recruitment that won't just allow local man move on in peace.......

So that some people will come for his head if his post (from his sauce) didn't materialise.

Or you just want him to give comforting info even if it's not true.

Is it not better to observe than give false hope.

U no go leave the bros alone.

Socially responsibe ko, na corporate social responsibility.

NCANCHAIR:
Thanks for your prompt response Bro. Do have an idea of the kind of questions HCP ask in their recruitment exams? That's Human capital partners.
Do you have any material that contains those mathematical questions we encountered in NNPC exams?

Sorry Bro.

I wish I can help.

I'm sure since you posted it here, hopefully someone with the materials will get in touch with you.

muhamm3d:
So yall just concluded that guy's sister hasn't started working and immediately chose to start cursing him out? Do you guys do this cos you genuinely don't believe him or ur are just very scared he might be correct. Rather than insult this man why not get his info and send to NNPC's MD telling him about d recent development you heard, tag elrufai or whoever. This meaningless insults will get you nothing and I can tell you the more d insults the more underground recruitments will continue. I have told u before many people are making underground moves. You should thank this man for revealing the info. Don't conclude every news you don't want to hear to be a lie.

Ogbeni.... U no dey taya

NCANCHAIR:
Thanks Man for the update. When is APL?

Whenever NNPC decides to send notifications to successful applicants.

souljar:
Yeah. The portal isn't as efficient as it was some months back. But it could just be that too many people are visiting the site these days... Like in the days of application.

I actually do not get why APL hopefuls keeps vigil on the portal thing.

For me, I don't remember visiting the portal after CBT. Infact I can't remember my login details.

NNPC have been very consistent in their communications to applicants.

For CBT invite
I got SMS and email

Interview invitation
I got SMS and email

Postponement of interview date from 8th to 11th
SMS and email.

Reminder on my interview date
SMS and email.

Any issues or complaints
SMS and email informing me to call certain numbers.

As a professional, these are established and accepted communication channel in which the corporation upheld.

At this critical stage which is either congratulations or otherwise, the channel of communication will also be what have been used earlier.(SMS and/or email)

So I don't even get the fuse about this portal thing that some people just want to bring confusion.

The portal was down yesterday, changes colour today, very fast in the morning..... Blah blah blah.....

It is not a must to comment if you don't have any useful information.

APL is near. I pray majority here receives.

RonaldoVido:
Just about 10% of women have the mental abilities to offer emotional support to a man in a relationship. And these women have some manly qualities in them. They are the good home cleaners, good cooks, good gardeners among women.

They are also working class women generally combining homekeeping, and white collar jobs seamlessly. This class of women will push their husbands to success, where ever he comes short.

But 90% of Nigerian women fall on the opposite divide, these ones will drain your strength if you mistakenly enter relationship with them, they lack capacitive reasoning, lack problem solving skills, will ask about everything, or destroy everything on their way from breaking a drinking glass, to throwing a soup pot on the floor, to mishandling things.

Then comes the beggarly behavior, or crying when she is hungry. Recharge card, she begs, make hair, she begs, nagging, she is there. They don't believe they can do anything by themselves, even cleaning the house is a very big problem. These types kill their husbands before their time.

Na dem

Nigeria girls are not interested in all that bro

bereanway:
You will get your APL, don't let anyone discourage with any statistics.....You are not in any negative statistics. Your APL is secure in Jesus name. Amen

Statistics that are mostly inaccurate

Tell your man and damn the consequences. The man deserve to know or you ll feel so bad wen (not if) he get to know on his own which is just a matter of time

PartsContinent:
Yall are just taking out your frustrations on what could be termed as a simple joke. If he got his APL good for him if he was just kidding around it's still good for him, maybe the joke isn't so funny. But raining curses and insults on him is your depression and frustration jumping out of your body. Some of you need help tbh. Some of you are losing their sanity on top nnpc job but you don't know it. This same job that people are offering 7M and 8M naira to get. You are killing yourselves over nothing. Some will get the APL on merit and thousands won't get. I wonder the family some of you are raised to find it so easy to insult people. It's a disgrace

It will most likely amount to a waste of time to highlight the fallacies in this your comment, as soulja already this.

But unku, I am not sorry to say this.

U re not wise. Continue frolicking with your co-sadist Artexxes.

Akamariner:
Stop looking for job when you can create your own with your pc/smartphone and a little startup capital. Contact me on oyedoyinp@gmail.com. To learn the process.

Which way bro

GeniusOla:
To our advisers, the people you are advising solved problems on probability during their assessment on june 1st and they aced. Have you thought of it that it would be out of place to accuse them of being 100% expectant? With their knowledge of probability? With their knowledge of Federal character, with their knowledge of knowing that their competition isnt everyone but their state and course of study, with their knowledge that getting APL is not based on excellent performance at the interview only? As some other factors may come to play? With their estimated knowledge of how many people attended the interview and how many people NNPC intends to absorb? Have you thought of it that your advice may be out of place? Or that you might be advicing the wrong audience? It is just humanly to anticipate the end of a process youve started. Even person wey know say e go get carry-over anticipates the release of semester results #lol.(like the one wen i get that year), its just humanly, don't interprete it as something else.You people should calm down and think on these things. Think! "WE DONT NEED YOUR ADVICE"

Oloruko, I want to be like you wen I dagba, omo'ogbon.
These pessimists, we ll try put them in our prayers. Because they need divine help.

Interested.
Kindly send link to slack:
aola6402@gmail.com