₦airaland Forum

SisterCaro:
I dont think society is idi.otic in any way, not everyone can go to medical school or law school or become an engineer. Everyone has their own way of making impact in the world.

Like you said you find yourself looking at her hashtags to see whose clothes she is wearing. She still has that much influence on you. You check on whats happening in her life, does she do that with you?

It may be frivolous to you but clearly it isn't to her and fashions designers that make millions out of it. While some maybe not be good looking enough to pose in designer clothes and make money out of it, some actually can. Fashion and entertainment industry would not be what they are without people like that.

Sometimes what doesnt make sense to me is why women always find pride in degrading others. You have to spend +15years in school before you can make money. She just has to stand there and look pretty for the camera to make hers. At the end of the day you all do what you do for money, difference is she doesnt have to put in as much effort as you have to. Well such is life, we all can't have it the easy way.

Nowadays, if you release a sex tape and instead of showing shame at it, invite people to come take a closer look at your life, they will reward you with their money. Fashion isn't the problem (or I'd be out of a job ) it's whom we are following that is the problem. I frankly don't care if you are an engineer or a model, as long as you sell my client's merchandise. We have gone from seeing people how they are to seeing people how they present themselves falsely and buying into that false view.

It's the same issue I have with Fashola (who was very corrupt but had the best social media team), the guys behind #OccupyNigeria and so many others: people stopped seeing them for what they were and started buying into whatever concept was created for them. At the end of the day, Fashola is one of the best-performing Governors (yet your state-run Healthcare is a death trap, go to any GH and every parastatal in the state was embezzling funds), #OccupyNigeria fought for us (yet nothing has improved, I believe all of you spent quite a lot of money looking for fuel recently and the guys behind it suddenly "accessed funds" from nowhere to enjoy their lives better).

I can come here, create a powerful persona on NL's family section and monetise it. It will be built on a lie but I will not care, as long as my bank account looks healthy. You, on the other hand, will believe everything I say, others will hate me but I will get your attention and shape your thought process. The most important thing to me will be my bank balance, not your issues.

And that's why this brouhaha is funny.

bellong:
I may be a bad market. I have never visited Linda Ikeji's blog and some other popular blogs. It sounds untrue but it is the truth. If I had known this truth you told me about her, I wouldn't have watched the video.

Thank you for adding to my stay away list.

Never say that! You cannot be worse than me (I dislike them all) yet I saw her in a dress and went to check out who made it. Advertising at its finest! Even though I was in the game myself! I was discussing an ad campaign with someone last night and her name came up and they said "we may not be able to afford her, but once our budget grows, she's our choice model". She sells anything she wears or carries. And one day, you will notice her in a nice pair of shoes and click on the link or hashtag underneath her pic to see where she got it from.

The best advert nowadays is through Social Media and exposure. See Linda Ikeji and all her followers. JJ Omojuwa and his acolytes.

bellong:
Onegai,

Thanks for schooling some of us who don't know her...

I don't know many celebrities though...

Precisely! You don't know many celebrities but now you recognise her name. And the next time you see her name somewhere, you will unconsciously give 25 seconds of your life to see what her name is coupled with.

And that's how's Advertising works.

And that is why I respect her. Because an actual paying-job will never make you this much money this quickly and certainly not in the world of Nigerian Entertainment Industry the babe laughs to the bank whilst everyone is fighting over "her gist" and envying her lifestyle and wanting to dress like her and paying hard-earned money to do so.

She makes money without breaking a manicured fingernail.

Society is id. iotic

Chillisauce:
Thats life. Happiness, disappointments, heartbreak, etc. How well you handle it matters. One step at a time.
SO what exactly is her profession? I see her everywhere in this website. How did she become a Naija celebrity?

Weeellllllll basically she's this ex-QC girl with an Oyibo accent who's now a radio presenter, who realised that people are like sheep (and will believe ANYTHING! ). After some serious packaging, she started attending the red carpet of literally any event in Lagos (giving her massive visibility) and whilst a few who know her mocked, the rest of the sheep started paying her serious massive attention.

Attention= Eyes on whatever she does = Lucrative advertising deals.

She commands more money than some popular people for any sort of advert she does, in fact you probably cannot afford to pay her for a fashion ad (her biggest draw) and her followers buy anything piece of dressing she wears religiously.

She makes quite some money off this as OAPs are not that well-paid as you believe.

She released vlogs and was dating her hubby for years and still upping her visibility. A while back, some rumours started about her breaking up this dude (in exactly the same way as this current gist) and she blogged about it and the sheep gossiped and fought themselves over it. Then she released their secret wedding pictures (to the highest bidder of course) and the sheep lapped it up and her visibility and prices increased.
Now the sheep are doing it again inspite of any sort of concrete evidence except a strange rumour that came out of nowhere and her removing her wedding pic and putting up a vlog that actually doesn't address "the infidelity". Observe even you are now paying her attention. Her visibility is growing, again.

In summary, she's a very savvy businesswoman who understands Basic Human Nature. Like a Kardashian.

I respect her for understanding her market and appeal.

gatiano:
What and who are you without your past? What past of you do you know? was it the past or history of you told by another people or Your history told to you by your own people?

True, one must commend the deeds of these new people, true they did well for themselves. To an enlightened Black person who know just about 0.5% of his/her history, The whiteman's civilization is like a spit of saliva compare to the oceans of this planet. (i'm not boosting).

They are all together just a little bit over 6000 years, comparing to Us (Black people), of trillions upon trillions years. Do you think all those trillion years, we were jumping on trees?

Have you even ever wondered why, no matter the technology or stuffs we imported and are importing from them (light races), just kind of magically turns evil on our side? that we can't and couldn't make good of them?

Like I said, I commend the structures, however, it only woooows a black person who lack the knowledge of self and his/her history.

LOL, you don't know me, if you did, you would never mention History of the African race to me (trust me on this and no, I won't explain more than that). I still stand by my words "We should stop singing 'the past, the past, the past', and start redefining our future".

Ewuro1:
He is a great guy, he takes all my flaws. I'm lucky. I cooked amala and spicy ogbono soup with assorted meat, he cleaned his plate



Girl! Forget fight picking oh.

Ermm As per the pic, That is soo romantic, he's a lucky man. Who's laughing now in tub sipping wine & a massage.

thanks for the great idea. Here I am with a family jacuzzi & a soaker tub and no idea what to do with it. Now I know!

sigh, enjoy your tub (ayam jealousing you right nau). I can't wait to move out of that house we're in (association of people can't build house well in Naija plenti). Add hot water and use a kitchen strainer to catch the flower petals when you're done, otherwise it becomes a pain to clean up after.

Ewuro1:
Edwife, you're so on point. unattainable expectation from an even more imperfect human than us is a recipe for disaster.

Royalroy.. If only pigs can fly . Simple and practical for some but hard to achieve for majority.

Onegai, you succinctly nailed every point. Lol your last paragraph though, touché .
I planned to take hubby out on his birthday as this is our thing. So on that fateful afternoon after work, overwhelmed, I reluctantly laid out my dress and did my makeup and slumped in bed hoped to take a little snooze before he arrived. Omg I woke up around 10:30pm , he was already home and watching TV (moody coz he blew his friends and came home early to hang out before my planned dinner) I felt terribly awful. Girl, I rushed to nearby grocery store to buy&decorate a cake and cooked a local dish instead . I took him forgranted, I could've set my alarm you know. Thank Gawd Subsequent years was almost perfect .

Ah, fret not, on hubby's birthday this year, the kind fight we had in the car eh on the way to pick up his birthday gift and the rest of the wahala that continued that evening. Poor man just endured his birthday. So the next day, I was on a mission: went out to pick some fresh flowers, grabbed all my tea lights and scented oils, bubble bath and a bottle of his favourite wine.

And he got a great massage! And I was 6 months preggers o!

At least you tried, you can decorate a cake, I can't even measure flour to bake.

gtnofllwr:
You need to learn your history. When the black Egyptians were building the great pyramids. the whites and Asians were still living in caves. All of the world's scientific advancement would not be possible without the civilisational force that was black Egypt. They just copied all the science and technology from Egypt.

A prolific Nairalander, gatiano, knows even more about the past glory of the black Africans, which overshadows anything the nonblacks have achieved since.

The past, the past, the past. I've been waiting for someone to bring that up on this thread. The Asians have one of the oldest most advanced cultures ever, so did the Arabs. They were all colonised and exploited (just like us). Yet they are not singing "in the past, we were glorious! " They have moved on to reclaim and outdo their brilliant heritage.

Africa is like that guy who at age 40, is boasting of his exploits in secondary school as a teenager. Whilst others have gone onto great things, the only highlight of his life is his past.

Only Africans are still giving themselves that excuse...

In 20 year's time, I'm sure we will still be singing "the past, the past, the past"

Good one.

I think scheduling time for each other is super-important. If you can't sit down and write down things you and your spouse have done together recently that doesn't include Going to Church or a Wedding or Some Function, yep, you're not spending time with that person.

You could pick a weekend and go to a spa together (for example, Four Points Hotel offers couple packages sometimes, same as some other spas). In fact, there should be "Playtime Funds" included in your monthly budget.

Encourage each other to develop hobbies (and not just joining some department in church or going out drinking with his friends). Actual hobbies.

Sharing Responsibilities and chores is amazing. I'm yet to see any one complain about a husband that helps around the house and a man who cooks for his wife is absolutely sexy.

Try not to bring your work home and don't come home and plop in front of your tv set or phone and say you're too tired to make conversation, traffic was too much and you just want peace. Your spouse also went through the same, why ignore that person (you certainly won't have that behaviour at work).

These are great ideas that should be implemented
well done OP.

coogar:
your formula does not identify who the abusers are - it can only tell the ratio of happy marriages to the ones ridden with strife.

verbal abuse is as harmful as physical abuse. women mostly use their tongues, men mostly use their fists.

Sorry but Verbal Abuse is NOT considered on the same scale as Physical Abuse. Ask any pyschologist, one damages your pysche over time, another takes your life faster. So the phrase "dying in my marriage" here will refer to people whom are physically buried or treating actual wound, not pyschological scars. Gender is not to be mentioned until we can divine the actual figures of Domestic Violence cases. Then we look at which gender is more prevalent.

Please I will not reply any other posts attempting to derail this thread, we are speaking ratios and numbers purely. Thanks.

5minsmadness 4 : 17

and Daresh, 1:1

thanks for your input.

FrancisTony:
Many; let me say like 20marriages.


Ratio 1:10

Thanks for this. I hope your sample data consisted of marriages you know well. I know of more cases of Spousal Abuse, but because it happened before my time, I was told only in passing and that was the only thing I ever heard of the marriage, chose to keep it out of my data.

I'll go first and my answers are as honest as I can guarantee. I did not add any friends in the data that I am not sure of their marriages, so only marriages I know to about 50% were used as my sample data

(A) No. of Marriages you are well-acquainted with (including several intimate details, not what you see on the surface or gist you heard): 6

(B) No of Marriages any form of Violence has been introduced (mild to moderate violence to severe): 2

(C) No. of Marriages which have ended in Severe Violence (leading to medical intervation, death or divorce): 1


(B+C) ratio A = (2+1) ratio 6 = 1:3

Before this generates into a typical Nairaland screamfest, let us conduct our own LOGICAL SURVEY. No stories, just basic facts. And we all agree to ignore posters who come here to not answer the question but to troll and fight joblessly and attention-seek and bash and whatever floats una boats for Family Section . So, copy and past the exact questions below and fill in your own answers.

(A) No. of Marriages you are well-acquainted with (including several intimate details, not what you see on the surface or gist you heard):

(B) No of Marriages any form of Violence has been introduced (mild to moderate violence to severe):

(C) No. of Marriages which have ended in Severe Violence (leading to medical intervation, death or divorce):


(B+C) / A =

I'm no mathematician, this is just a baseline study of a swath of society. So, let's answer these questions, and please DO NOT ADD MORE THAN FIGURES,ANSWERS LIKE "TOO NUMEROUS TO COUNT", "IT WAS SO-AND-SO'S FAULT" etc will NOT be considered in the final tabulation. Let us get a ratio of what is truly going on.

edited because OP has edited original post, thanks.

OP edit this piece rather than copy-and-paste. There's a lot of good in it, but it's hard to digest in the format you presented. Original article pasted below.

JustCurious:
Hi Onegai, Could you pls share why you are taking 2 shots (At 28weeks and after delivery?) I am #JustCurious. During my first and second pregnancy I took only one shot at each, and that was after delivery. Thanks.

Doctor's orders. I think it depends on your hospital but it's standard practise where I registered to give one shot before and then one shot after (depending on if the baby is rh+). I took my first shot after 30 weeks (my initial hospital didn't mention it to me sef).

I've read that you're even meant to take it after an abortion, miscarriage because of a chance of blood-mixing.

marygold:
My fellow mama's,abeg refresh my memory again.What and what do we pack in hospital bags?

errrrr lemme think...

toiletries and a towel
2 nighties (one that has easy access in the top front for breastfeeding)
Comfy loose dress for going home in
slippers
Lansinoh or Shea butter (for cracking nipples)
phone charger (people are constantly forgetting this one)
i know my hospital mentioned Imeperial Leather soap and talcum powder, baby clothes for taking baby home in
receiving blanket
disposable panties and thick sanitary pads or underwear for elderly people (for the bleeding afterwards)

can't think of any more right now

Iffffffy:
Mamas, pls whoelse has rhesus negative blood group, the doctor was just making some rants I didn't really understand and that was somehow scary, nurse kaffy4bill, pls come to my aid o,

Rhesus Neg here. They will give you a Rhogam shot (I'm getting 2, one before and one after birth). No worries (but not to be scary, but do you have a close contact with the same blood group as you, nearby? Always good to know one).

You owe nobody here an explanation and truly the sensible ones know that Life happens (no matter how much you plan it or wish it to be otherwise).

I will be honest and say, Dating is going to be tougher but not impossible. Honey, I know a 38 year old lady who married a man most girls would give an eye to wed. I know a few single mums happily married to men who love their kids. I know a Naija lady in her mid to late 30s, whilst Nigerian men (and their wahala) were flexing for her, met a white guy with a fantastic job, who couldn't get her out of his mind (happily married with a little darling too).

Nothing is impossible, just keep your options very open and don't write off anything but please be careful and scrutinise very well whom is coming close to you.

Please don't "manage" just anybody who shows up, because I've seen women in their 30s do that a lot and it never works out for them.

Great tips. I have to start keeping my debit cards at home and more importantly, seize hubby's cards (he's a spendthrift and he likes eating out). I'm penny-wise pound-foolish sometimes (I bought a cheaper phone from an untested source which ended up being secondhand and causing me problems, when N5000 extra could have saved me stress and gotten me a good Samsung from Slot )

For shopping and looking good (I need that!! ) I think it's best to actually spend a bit extra on quality (no cheap shoes and bags, splurge on those) but instead of buying 20 tops and 30 skirts, buy complete outfits (top, bottoms, shoes and a bag) and your next outfit, make sure it complements the other one. So fewer clothes but better quality items that match.

Nigeria is a hard to save though, too many unexplained and unexpected ish ("miraculous" fuel scarcity from nowhere, now food prices inflation). How can one say "my monthly allocation for this is N35, 000? "

Enoquin, spreadsheet?? Itzzz laike ayam gonna take lessons from u...

Modath and nurse Kaffy4bill thanks for your answers.

The reason he said so was that, according to him, when he was at LUTH practising, they were taught cutting was a better option than natural tears and would help more. But when he went to specialise under an old-school doctor (who was very good but is late now), that one said Episiotomy is not always necessary because most medical doctors study bodies but don't really understand it, that a woman's body is equipped to handle childbirth and natural tears (as long as they don't end up being big) are easily recovered from than sutures. It's the same thing my doctor says they're now teaching them abroad (don't cut gra-gra like that). Over here, the movement is growing to have birth as naturally as possible (in fact some of their methods sound like wetin my grandma fit do! ) though there are risks (no doctor here likes water birth but they will encourage you to sit inside warm water to soften your muscles during Labour so less tearing).

That's the one I know so far, warm water compress against the area during Labour or sit inside warm bath. The midwife said it will soften the area well and encourage tight muscles to stretch easier.

Ante-Perineal massage is basically the same technique as kpekusing and some doctors will tell you to do it if your hubby isn't nearby.

Nurse Kaffy the reason I'm asking is that almost all the people I know have given birth have been cut. and the way they describe it... (not pretty). So I would like to at least try and avoid it best as I can.

Mzora:
kegels exercise and perineal massage ( spelling) . They both help prevent episiotomy.Google them for more info.

I know about those, (especially Ante Perineal Massage) but it would be nice to share it with the group. Preferably if you did it and it worked for you.

I'm totally about to be in the same boat with you right now! I believe the first thing to do is, if you're not going to take a parent's advice, don't tell them you're not. Just nod, smile and don't do it.

Another plan I'm doing is making up my team of experts: a few women whom I can trust (all related to me), one is a consultant pediatrician, another is a neonatal surgeon and one is a professional mummy. All are mothers (so their advice is tinged with great common sense). The next person on that list is my great-aunt, then my mum.

So it is a balance of new and old advise.

Try and find that team of people you can trust (not more than 3). Because every Mama Uche and Mama Buky will come with their own version of what to do, same as that your co-worker who swears this is what worked for her sister (whom you have never met). And most of it will be outdated rules, plain bad advise and some good advise which may not work in your situation.

If you feel everyone's advise is always correct, remember that on this same NL health section, some people advised treating a baby with jaundice by taking it out in the sun (never mind the fact that that particular treatment is good for mild, mild cases of jaundice, not the OP's case where his child needed phototherapy and more treatment). Good advise, wrong scenario.

The warm water is better and makes more sense. If you hurt yourself and it is throbbing in pain, which would feel better against the wound, warm, cool or hot water? That's just common sense.

Please can we all put heads together and do some research on best possible practises (verified answers o, not Mama Nkechi/Tola said so) on ways to avoid Episiotomy. One of my advisors (a doctor) told me it's not always necessary but he felt doctors tend to take the decision to cut quickly.

Any suggestions? For mums who are alone and with their husbands/some help please.

Thanks.

LaRoyalHighness:
Team Home made coconut oil#

Another vote for Team Coconut oil or Olive oil. I like Shea and cocoa butter too (but I hear they make one dark).

mytestimony:
Lol
I have nt been myself for two days now. She wants to sleep cry. She wants to eat cry. She is nt comfortable cry. De say its d stage.Me say pls princess pity mommy.

Pele. One of my sisters ended up breaking down and locking herself in the bathroom in tears until her hubby came home, because of all the crying. Her neighbour came and made her a cup of tea and some biscuits to calm her down and said babies react to how their mum's feel (the more panicky you get apparently, the more your baby can sense it and screams even more). So try and calm down and not get frustrated. And yes, you can leave her in the room for 30 mins by herself crying in her crib (nothing will happen) while you calm down.

I hope I can follow the advice myself when time comes.

christabeli:
Thanks but the information is for proudmum

post modified.

@mytestimony, proudmum, I have gotten to the point where I have started eyeing my bump and saying "shey you know Dangote's mother did not do all this turenche!"

I shall use B29 unless I see good behaviour! Sleeping through the night, eating your food, not making me change you 10 times a day! No screaming your head off because you're teething (baby cows and lions grow teeth, why are you the one making the most noise!! )

christabeli:
No. Maybe they have liquid wash, I don't know about it. But the one I use is not liquid wash, it is not foamy at all. It has the picture of a baby in front and the container is white.

@proudmum Comfort Fabric softener. It's used for rinsing out clothes (in washing machines mostly) to make it softer. Honestly I don't think it's necessary (good quality clothes soften up on their own with time, if they're not in hard water) and the thing is filled with fragrances of all sorts (which some mums and doctors dislike due to some babies' sensitive skin). But if you do wanna go ahead with it, after you wash with regular detergent, use half a capful (or even less) and put in your rinsing water.

missmalachi:
Hello mama's in d house,gud evening to u all.how is d pushing ministry n vigilante ministry going?
I went for a scan 2day n it read gestational age 27wks + 1day but am suppose to b 28wks plus.pls wat cld b d cause n wat r d remedy to dis low growth?
Thanks

I don't think it's a bad thing. Had the same issue (even though I knew my LMP down to the last exact minute). My doctor kept calculating one week earlier but the Ultrasound showed the exact EDD (a week later). If there was an issue, a doctor would have mentioned it.