₦airaland Forum

DrGroove:
Answer to your question: A girl is not a child in Africa.. sadly, am a girl. I believe only my mother accepts me, only because of the pain of childbirth,although am sure she would always value my brothers above me cos they are BOYS (the real deal ).. My society needs me not.

I know too many people who don't value their daughters compared to their sons. It can be awful. It starts from so little, two children are watching tv and one is called away to enter the kitchen. Because apparently her lot in life starts there. Yet they will tell you they value their girls as much as boys.

Anazoric:
that your friend is borderline stupid sha. Not really there yet but almost. This is the 21st century. The IMF boss is a woman. She wants to have a male child to brag about. Does she know the percentage of women struggling with infertility issues? She's retarded sha. Thank God I don't keep friends like that.

You misunderstand and speak without thinking. So the head of IMF is female, what is the ratio of female IMF bosses to male? How many female governors and Local Govt chairperson do you have? How many females head banks, are surgeons and are the most qualified in an office, yet the job is given to a male? over 10 years ago, my female colleagues graduated from Engineering and most of us couldn't get a job because to quote a Foundation Engineer (who owned a coy) "there's no point hiring a female, she's going to get married one day and her effectiveness will drop". Do women get married and are encouraged to pursue their careers, in any part of Nigeria, the same place where a woman is condemned if she decides to have a surgical procedure rather than natural birth (no matter her reaaon). She doesn't care to boast of sons, her anguish is that one day her child will be subjected to prejudices and hate.

So according to you, only women struggle with infertility issues and therefore one's life is measured by the ability to get pregnant. So she should be grateful that "wow, I can give birth, it doesn't matter the quality of life my child has". And you say that is a life?

Child, don't speak of what you don't understand fully

Recently, a friend found out she was having a baby girl as her first child. She cried for 48 hours nonstop.

She said she never wanted to bring a female child into Nigerian society because while it's hard for females everywhere, Nigeria is a nightmare to be female. According to her, North or South, girls are treated as second-class citizens and not valued.

We should all think carefully on the value of a woman's life, from birth to death.
.

interested...

Faree28:
Hi. Where exactly are you?

An hour outside LA. pm?

customised87:
Somebody posted this a long time ago.
Full blood count (CBC complete, ultrasound scan, hepatitis b (HBSAG), hepatitic C,HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphillis, rubella, papsmear, urinalysis, blood group. Genotype (Haemoglobin), Glucose Tolerance Test (to rule out gestational diabetes), Group B Strep test,

Thanks.

Okay my hospital didn't give me that. They initially gave me a fit to fly and a letter which stated. my LMP, EDD and what injections I had taken (Tetanus and Fansidar). I had to beg them to include my scan breakdown and one lab result (which they attached a photocopy). They didn't order a papsmear till I had a case of what I suspected was Sciatica and the results were not included with what they gave me. Yes they knew I was travelling and insisted all I needed was the initial 2 letters until I spoke to one of the doctors privately. I wonder why they didn't give me the full records though and they made me pay for them...

zeezahbee:
Omg, did u read the post I replied to I was talking about the fact if the lady gives birth to her baby in Nigeria, the disadvantage is that the baby will be a citizen of USA but can't be a president because he/she wasn't born in America soil. I will prefer we understand post before we quote others

lol.

I'm the original poster in question, the first person replied me with good humour. But thank you for attempting to school me. ;D0
Abeg let me not derail, is there anyone who has the same situation as mine.

My hospital here didn't accept the medical records from Nigeria, so I'm redoing everything (blood, urine etc). Do they do that to everyone (because even another hospital intimated that my records weren't complete when I submitted them). Perhaps someone can please share a complete breakdown of what to ask from foreign hospitals. Thanks.

zeezahbee:
plus the baby can never become the president of USA. Obama was African but was born in Hawaii.
If he was born in Kenya and emigrate through visa lottery or other means, he could never be a president. That's the rule.

Actually, one US parent can make one a citizen automatically. John McCain was born on foreign soil. The US embassy in Nigeria has a page for children of citizens born abroad, their parents are to declare their birth and request their passport.

All this info is great but i think we should hear a Nigerian perspective on cloth diapers. It is easy to assume everyone has access to a washing machine and constant light but that's not the reality (3/4 of Lagos will certainly not have clean water or light to do laundry everyday) . I would like to hear from a Mummy in Nigeria who can tell us about her experience, including where she lives, how old is her child, what are the day-to-day implications of it, does her daycare use it, what's the ease of storing dirty diapers and how many times does she wash and what detergent she uses (because cloth diaper companies here in the US will make specific detergent recommendations like Rockin' Green, which is supposed to improve the absorption of cloth diapers).

So anyone wants to speak honestly about their experience? Pictures of the user wi be nice as well.

It is neither an Alligator (native only to America and China) nor an Iguana. It is most likely a Monitor Lizard (they sometimes can be caught in swampy parts of Lagos sef, lik Festac in the old days when it wasn't so built up).

Hi, is there anyone who is a US citizen on this thread, having their baby abroad? Yes, I could have stayed in Nigeria to have that child, but I'm very concerned about Nigeria's healthcare system (I went to a private hospital in Lagos for ante-natal, I know my blood group is ABneg, the consultant OBs know I am ABneg, no-one has mentioned Rhogan, even though I know my hubby is a positive Blood group. They prescribed me Lexotan for lack of sleep, I had to refuse to take it because it is a Class D drug, then they offered me overnight admission for N80,000. They keep telling me "all is well" and I don't want to find out the hard way I have medical issues, so I decided to travel).

So, any other US citizens here already? I know our case is different (no insurance company will touch you if you're not working in the US and they tell you to go to Medicaid straight up).

As for healthcare practises, I've learnt a lot here . I will add that for Ohio, you can register directly at the hospital (as opposed to finding an OB and being referred to a hospital. I think it's the same for some hospitals in TEXAS, as my family friend is a neonatal surgeon there and she said the same).

anonimi:
Why would he need to file for a dead man

Can a wise man insist that the ghost of his father attend his wedding?

BTW, he never travelled to Kenya to meet his dad, who died in 1982 while the son was still trying to identify who he, the son, really is within different aspects of his society.

that's my point, the only person present to tell that story is Obama and he can spin it anyway he wants. His half-brothers are still alive, his daughters can go and visit (and they will, if someone decides there is something to spin something out of it). I can spin any story the way I want, as long as it's just me you're speaking to, and I need to make you believe in me. Remember how the whole of Nigeria bought "I had no shoes"? Some people who knew him knew he was a bad idea but had a great story to sell. Same with the current Messiahs all crying up and down and people are lapping it up and not looking objectively.

I still say this "most of the kids with absentee parents rarely forgive them enough to start building a relationship with them and chasing them later". They hate their dads who leave and intensely hate their mothers who walk away. Because it becomes clear to them that other parents had a choice and their absentee parent chose to leave.

@steeze, I didn't ask you to take your mum there to get the girl back, I asked you to take your mum there so that everyone will behave themselves and let you have access to your child. Period. Your relationship with will be worked on but first things first you need to build a bridge to have access to your child.

Tell your mum, "this is your first grandchild". Nothing will ever replace that. Assure her that right now, you just want to be a father for your child and NOT CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP, no matter how difficult it will be and you need her love and support to get there. Let her contact either the girl or her mum and arrange a visit. Maybe that's why your mum is adamant, she's worried you may resume a relationship again with the girl. Besides, knowing Naija Mothers_(tm) she probably thought from the get-go "this girl from a broken home and I'm sure her mother is an ashawo, she's always dating other men, why can't she leave my son alone" and is willing to sacrifice a grandchild just to get rid of an unwanted girl.

I'm telling you what I know was said about someone who dated a relative of mine, also from a single home. Your mum probably can't see past the mother to an innocent child.

Again, you have no concern with whoever man is in that compound. Not your business what is going on in her pants (though is that baby is about 1 month pregnant I'm surprised your girl is in bed with any guy, because medically they tell you to take time to heal after birth.) So that man may just be doing aproko and trying to enter her in the future by siding with her and making you look small, the silly girl is in a situation over her head and when that neighbour asked her about the man, said stupid things. Like an immature person who is under a lot of emotional stress and is sad and confused.

So, here's what to do! Take a short break away from them, DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THIS CHILD'S LIFE FROM NOW ON. Beacause once you start, there is no going back. Speak firmly to your mum (you need some self-assurance so you sound utterly convinced you want this boy), tell her "I want my child, not its mother and you can decide if you want to be part of this or not, because I am going ahead". If she eventually capitulates, let her be the mediator and start arranging visits. Be polite and firm to the girl, speak to her the same way you would speak to a random work colleague (no drama, no texts, no turenche just updates on your son). Start an account for him, pay money into it rather than give her the money, but let her know of the account details, put in a regular sum (if it is N5,000 monthly, put it in and no more, no less). Always be pleasant when you go there to visit your boy, if anyone starts saying nonsense to you, politely say "please I am here to visit my child who is innocent in all of this".

anonimi:
I am not disputing your own experience and what you have seen about others close to you.

I have only stated a fact about an exceptional person, who has risen to be the POTUS despite the disadvantages of his childhood- notably his father abandoning him & his mother at 2. When he visited them again at age 12 the son did not really accept/understand his presence.

It is however important to note:

This was just before he started his law degree studies at Harvard.
His book- Dreams from my Father- was published in 1995 i.e. four years after he signed with a publisher to write the book in 1991. He ran for and won a seat as Illinois state senator in 1996 i.e. five years after he signed the deal to write his autobiography.

I hope you will agree that most of these details have been scrutinised by those who will magnify any discrepancy unlike in our Nigerian society where many aspects of a public person's life are shrouded in secrecy and our own time span into the past or future is highly limited.

BTW, do you think children (when they grow up) go in search of their mothers who abandoned them as kids

Do you realise you just parroted something his PR team carefully wrote somewhere? Immediately after I said anyone in his shoes will package such a story so that people fall for it? The only thing you should believe about that story was that he travelled to Kenya to meet his dad. All those kids do, why didn't he file for his father and relocate them to the US nah and insist the man attend his wedding and why don't Malia and Sasha upload holiday pics in Kenya

I love how people believe what you tell them to believe. You can reinvent yourself anyway you want and tell a story according to suit your needs. You can make facts out of anything, as long as you control the narrative.

Chuksemi:
Dear op, I have been confused about the choice of career to go into. After doing a lot of thinking lately, I narrowed my choices down to Sales executive or Business[buying and selling].

I always see myself as a leader and a motivator. I visualise myself[involuntarily] walking into a well arranged auditorium, filled up with people who hold me in high esteem and I end up teaching them one or two things and get them motivated. I am a orator, I love talking to people, motivational or intelligent talk. I want to attain perfection in something and lead others to same. I also love hardwork and discipline. I read anything and everything I see, except these days. And yes, I am always leading a group of people everywhere I find myself, it's something that comes naturally to me. What kind of career do you think would be better for me?

I cannot tell you what career would be best, that takes time and conversations which I may not have time to do right now (and for free ) all I will say is that to lead and motivate, you must know what you are talking about. You cannot sell a product you have no idea about. Or you will be parroting other people's trite words. So please go and do your homework.

Juzzybabe:
We are doing so fine,I had to switch off all lines known to them,using new numbers for now so that I don't get any depressing calls from them. We are doing great.

Leave one of your old lines on. Your job is to use it to repeat (like a parrot ) " Good morning/afternoon/evening, I am well, the baby is well. We are both somewhere safe. Please contact my family for more news." and then afterwards cut the call off. Nothing more, nothing less. No insults, no explanations, no long conversations. Nothing apart from those line.

Legally, someone can report this to Immigration and Nigerian Police and with the right amount of bribe, you're not going anywhere. Even in Nigeria, it is possible, I have heard of plenty fathers who alert schools and when the mums come to pick up their kids, they are told the child cannot be released into her custody until both parents are there. Because switching off all phones is close to disappearing and can be taken to the police.

You seriously should not reply any texts. The only phonecalls you should be parroting that response I gave you is to your husband (he has a legal right). But let one phone with an old number be on. Because right now, you are acting Nollywood script and believe me, the more the drama, the more mess to clean up afterwards. Please stay calm, try and find someone to be speaking rationally to you.

anonimi:
Barack Hussein Obama, POTUS, was different.

My dear, ask yourself this "have I ever seen a picture of Obama and his father until he decided to run for something and realised he could package the story and that man, write "Dreams of My Father" and make myself the underdog in a tough election?" Things look very different when you are watching tv abroad than in real life. Obama met the guy a couple of times in his life, but the whole world can tell you his mother's name without Google: Ann Soetoro. During his election period, when Obama was pulling all that stunt, we in the US were passing out with laughter. We that have relatives whose fathers were Nigerian and left and have heard what they really honestly think could not believe how Africans swallowed that story hook, line and sinker.

Or abi you want me to convince my cousins, friends and others to tell you how they feel about their absentee fathers? Or I should tell you about how the only time I ever met my cousin's dad was at his wedding (he was age 35) and till now none of those cousins have ever bothered to change their lastname to their absentee father's own? Or shall I tell you of all my other relatives, who are the absentee fathers in the picture, and how much bribing they bribed to get their kids to accept them (expensive stuff that the child takes grudgingly)?

Children rarely forgive, and as adults all they do is grudgingly understand. I've seen it so many times that I merely shake my head at the naivety behind the sentence "when the child grows up he will look for his father". I wonder why Mario Balotelli hasn't reverted to his biological parents' Ghanian lastname.

This is even too much talk sef, go and speak to children who grew up in a house where their mothers provided and cared for them and their fathers dropped the ball. Is it not this same family section they will be insulting the man and looking for ways to move their mums out of the house? That is someone who is around but not taking care of responsibilities, imagine someone who "misplaced" for years then he will face you with some silly excuse and you expect to forgive him thoroughly.

You don't want to find out the hard way that some myths are very painful.

OP, you are young and that girl is young. The level of immaturity from both of you is pretty high (those your texts almost made me smile. Almost).

I'm going to say this to you. I have 3 friends, and some cousins whose dads left as children. None of them bothered to look for them. I have several people I know, the only reason they looked for their father was financial. So far, it is only in movies children dream off reconciling with their absentee parent and that dream remains till adulthood. They wonder, but they get older and realise they would not have left in their parents' shoes. We will not be there to help you when the day the boy doesn't show up comes.

Are you willing to take that chance?

Don't go there alone next time. if I were advising your girl, I would mention my concern that so far, it seems your entire family don't want the baby so they cannot be bothered to show up with you. That has always been glaring since the whole thing started so you can't blame her that she may have been fed that thought by someone and is listening to bad advise from her mum.

That child has 2 sets of grandparents and one set has to step up if the other set isn't. I don't know who will dare stop a grandmother from caring for a baby.

I will add that when my bf pulled kinda the same stunt you pulled and walked away mid-pregnancy, he sent a humble apologising message which I did not reply. Then his mother called me. Today we are married. So learn what you will from that.

As for the man acting possessive or not, that is not your immediate concern. Your immediate concern is your son. And btw picture yourself (all cocky and pluck-ful of childish bravado, swaggering in half-scared after running out on a pregnant gf) in the eyes of a much older experienced man. That's why that fellow bullied you. Lack of Self-assurance is very easy to spot. A self-assured guy would have entered that compound calmly, with some humbleness and strength and that man will have felt like a fool and left a situation which is none of his business.

I'm being honest and tough with you. You have growing up to do and it is more dire because now there's a child involved.

So please sit down and think. And make some decisions based on that. If you still wish to go to court no problem. But this situation can be solved easier than that.

I will repeat, none of those kids whose fathers left ever bothered to look for their dad.

So, let's go back to my sister (Queen Organisation), a mum working 3 part-time jobs (she hates being bored). What can you learn from her? She doesn't sell clothes or own a shop. But she teaches, after class.

Okay, let me ask everyone a question: How many of you liked your Lesson-teachers? (not me). Why not? (I knew more than them). So which teachers do you remember fondly (my Chemistry teacher and Literature teacher, who taught with passion). Same with my sister.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret:

WHEN YOU DO THINGS WITH PASSION, MONEY WILL CHASE YOU.

My sister could have taught a lot of stuff, but she decided to teach Secondary school kids. Why? Because her kids are that age, she likes and relates well to that age and after she tutored them to get some of the highest scores in the UK version of Common Entrance Exams, all her friends and neighbours were asking her for help. See how money followed her passion?

I don't like most of the teachers I see because they are so uninspired. They are working for salary sake and it shows. But imagine if you liked Teaching but you didn't want to work in a school, where would you go? We have so many people teaching Maths and Physics (and yet JAMB results are getting worse ) and it is getting more competitive, so what can you teach?

....


c'mon, this is soooo easy!!

....seriously you should know the answer by now!!

Ahhhhhhhh! You had no clue!


LANGUAGES.

If you set up a very nice school, and hire smart personable people and one of the languages you are teaching is Urhobo, you have a customer in me in 5 years' time. If you have teachers in your school teaching whatever language they speak in Tiv-land, and you market yourself even on Nairaland and you're dependable, in a safe environment and with pleasant child minders, I can get you an additional 10 customers.

And summer long holiday is about to start, dollar is crazy, so affluent parents may not be able to send their kids abroad and don't want their children just sitting down at home jobless.

See? Money, lying on the floor, waiting for someone to pick it up.

Now, like a typical Nigerian, you will naysay this. But last year, I met someone who was sponsored by universities abroad to teach Yoruba and I filed that info away. This year, NL had on its frontpage an article about South American countries wanting Yoruba teachers, and people turned it into a tribal thread, rather than seeing the opportunities there. Because seriously, Languages are disappearing and a lot of Nigerians are becoming more aware of their identities and if you don't come from a place with a major dialect (easily heard in several large cities), your children won't speak anything (case in point, I have never met an Isoko speaker my age. Imagine if I meet Don Jazzy and organise a language teacher for his nieces and nephews.)

Before you run into this half-cocked, sit down and write all you need. Get a notebook and speak to people who run schools and after-care centres. Look for a venue, look for how to advertise, look for schedule and target a catchment area. Make a plan.

I'm going to keep this thread going in the hopes that it will grow, by sharing some of my personal experiences, past amd present.

Currently, I'm unemployed. YUP! and it is going to stay that way for at least 3-6 months (health reasons).

For the past couple of months, I've been stumped wondering "what am I to do now?" I wondered if I should start selling something or some services like all other Mummies (main reason for unemployment). Here are my options:

- clothes
- jewelry and accessories
- makeup
- event planning
- cake making and bead making

In case you don't realise, THOSE AREAS ARE SATURATED. Which means unless I have fantastic concepts and a killer network and a go-getter personality, I'm probably going to be 50% successful at them. So, what next?

1. Identify what you're good at.

Look, I have a sister that is Queen Organised. She will move her kids from here to Gombe, Edo and back to the UK without breaking out a sweat. She works 3 jobs and has enough time to drive me to the airport, attend church or hit the mall. If any CEO asks me for a PA, I will insist he hires her. Because she is soo good at organising, I cried when she played a prank on me and said she wouldn't be in town for my wedding (I needed her organisational skills).

Are you someone that when your father needs to get stuff done, he calls you because he knows you will do it, on-time, without much supervision and bring back results? You're an Executive Assistant (go do a Project Management course) and market yourself as such.

What are your strong points? Your grades on paper won't tell me such, but what you do will. If you're wondering what your talent or passion is, ask yourself "WHAT HAVE I SPENT TODAY DOING OR SAYING? WHAT DID I SPEND YESTERDAY DOING OR SAYING?"

I've met really talented people working in banks when they should be working elsewhere. I've seen people who were really good at Customer Service never think to themselves they should go back to school, get more training and set up a HR firm that trains people and hire them out to Customer Service jobs. I've seen people who can give 20 great ideas on how to grow your business not realise they were Business Consultants. I've seen people who know more about my toaster and microwave than the Electrician but instead of them to gather resources and start a Electronic Repair shop (catering to household appliances rather than phones and doing a very beautiful job, including replacement of old models), are hustling how to import 5 phones from the US to resell here. I have met girls who seem to know the whole world yet don't realise someone can pay you for that idea.

For me, I'm good at solving people's problems. I can state on paper what your company needs. So I target companies and corporations as a Business Consultant, I'm not giving them a fancy degree, I'm giving them honest "here's what you need to hear from your clients that I'm telling you".

He's not having intimacy with you bah? Good! Tell her to look on the bright side: he has 4 wives and is in Politics. Chances of him having a heart attack soon are very high based on those parameters and if she is the first, legal wife, congratulobia

If I were her, i would start strategising with some key members of his family as per how things will shele.

What is the point of divorcing a nigguh who is already letting you act the part of a single mother?? I mean, if you do serve him papers, you will get his attention back for a while but it may backfire and your kids won't get anything when its over. JEJELY face your front, get child support from him and wait for him to have that first heart attack.

If this was in the early years, I'd tell her to leave. But after 17 years, lady you deserve a payout.

Shey you know it is this kind of man that will drop dead one day in a hotel, at a party or at the bank no carry any man on top head o!!

Faree28:
Hi. Where exactly are you?

Hello, an hour out of LA.

I'm trying not to buy any electronics from the US, I'm getting it from the UK. I got a crib from IKEA (they have durable stuff and are a lot cheaper than GRACO and brands targeting babies). Onesies from Gerber and Mothercare are really good. I am buying absolutley no coloured clothing for boy or girl, neither am I buying a toy except an activity gym, I will buy a few books secondhand. Some babies like Bouncy seats, others hate being strapped in. I'm looking for a Moses basket second-hand and a diaper bag (I've done some research and some brands have gotten good reviews for being durable).

bushdoc9919:
Ben Murray Bruce was quite rich before he met Auntie Stella. His papa was a very very rich man who founded Domino's stores. Mr Ben himself used to bring some of the hottest pop acts in America to Nigeria in the early 1980's...groups like Kool and the Gang and Shalamar to mention two examples.And of course....he was the gent running the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria pageant back in the day...before he handed over to his brother Guy.

So....not a poor man. And in fairness to him...he did try to make NTA better.

Here's the thing though: you can't sell a product passionately if you don't believe in it yourself. Hrs championing himself as the Man of the People and his kids (even nieces and nephews) didn't school in Nigeria. And yes his dad may have been wealthy but the funds needed to establish Silverbird group came from investors and sources we cannot confirm, coincidentally after he left govt work.

And I can assure you, no-one's hands in govt is clean. Not El-Rufai, not Buhari. ABSOLUTELY NO-ONE.

@theshield, stop arguing, nothing good can come out of fighting with pigs in the mud, ehhh?? Come and take an honoured sit beside me and drink chilled Orijin.

Meanwhile, are you single? I showed your responses to some Ogbomudein families (the best of the best y'know ) and they said to tell you pretty, well-educated girls (whose fathers and uncles are in CBN) await a good man like yourself (who knows where he comes from).

Not those ones that came to Lagos and started naming their children "Nkechi" or "Amaka" because they didn't come from strong families and wanted to bury their past, now they are attempting to force igbo on everyone

And to my others, I salute you "Degwo" oooo

Onegai:
Thanks. We are walking around here now. Very beautiful.

Where are you, East coast or West coast?

please no front page abeg. if you quotes me on this thread please modify it, it's on front page and NL is not the place to trust the general public. cococandy and fellis please modify your quote a asap.

Hi. Please is there anyone in LA right now? I'd like to meet up perhaps. Thanks.

Btw Virgin Atlantic requires a form to be filled by your doctor before you fly and I think after 34-36 weeks they won't carry you.

SAMBARRY:
Nothing to add. They've said it all

Burberry-patterned gele? I just noticed it now

Okay everyone there's a troll here on this thread, just ignore him.

OP, try and get your list beforehand so you have enough time to prepare. Everything gets more expensive to buy at the last minute.

cococandy:
Mental beautiful picture

Thanks. We are walking around here now. Very beautiful.

From places like Agbor and Owa and that side, you get a list and at most N15, 000 for bride price. They don't ask you to buy a house or bicycle or stuff. But have Palm wine, alligator pepper, local kolanut and Abada (george) and a complete outfit for the woman's box. Also small money (no more than N1000 or N2000) for things like schooling, Labour pains, her age group etc.

And yes you can do the traditional in Lagos. No-one is forcing you to travel to village.