₦airaland Forum

SHOW LIGHT YOUR LOVE!!

Let's help Light Ayodeji, who is 1. 9 years old, to have a wonderful long life. By donating N1000 each, we can give her life-saving surgery for her heart condition and respiratory illnesses. She needs N4million for heart surgery in India. Please help us save baby Light Ayodeji by donating to the following account and sending this message to everyone on your phone.

Ogunruku Mercy Itunu UBA
2056071186

Thank you, for your contribution to saving this baby's life.

OP, I can send that out as a bc on my phone (they don't like reading long messages) and hopefully we get some helpers. I know it's easier for people to give small amounts faster rather than waiting for large amounts. HTH.

OP you have done nothing wrong. I'm a nursing mother and Lord knows how hard it is just to understand why your baby is crying, talk less of the lack of sleep nightly. And your husband is acting irresponsible by FORGETTING HE HAS A FAMILY AND RUNNING AWAY FROM HIS REALITIES. Babies are hard work but that is no excuse for him to say "I want a break from being married so I can indulge in Single Man Fantasties", what about you? You don't deserve to feel pretty and relaxed enough to go have fun? Is it only your child??

No man ever wants to suffer for their mistakes and THEY KNOW WOMEN FALL OVER THEMSELVES TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEM.

5 brothers and countless male friends taught me that. It starts with their mother's indulgently telling them "Boys will be boys" and ends with society telling them "all men are polygamous in nature". They feel they are doing you a favour by hiding their cheating sef (because STIs and unwanted pregnanices by girla outside and the financial drain of cheating don't exist in their minds)

Let that man beg and do everything to win your trust. Please bone "fighting for your home", if he gets seduced by the girls outside and kicks you out, will he remember it is "your home"? Tell him he has lost your trust and he should win it back or you too can be irresponsible one day. Or forgive him before he has even had time to think of a way to manipulate you to clean up his mess and he will say to himself "phew that was close, next time be more careful".

Are you wearing red pant? Black bra?
The child both of you share, don't you think you are giving it too much attention? Even though it's your first child and you're probably still figuring out what to do?
Perhaps you don't dress well or have put on too much weight?


can't it ever just be "there's no excuse for his actions, he's acting like a selfish, cheating jerk?

No?



Ladies, always look good at every stage in your life. Because you just never know when your spouse will decide to be thoughtless and selfish (as if it isn't both of you struggling with issues in the marriage) and start sexting/cheating and you may need to have an affair yourself

After all, if the "Head of the Family" is misbehaving, why should the subordinate be the responsible one

Nothing cures a cheating husband like his own wife doing the same. They cry, they swear at her BUT THEY RECONCILE AND FIX THAT MARRIAGE. I'm not making that up. Men hate being beaten at their own game and would rather not play again than for you to keep beating them. Trust me

thorpido:
Well,you're free to raise your daughter anyhow you wish.
My parents didn't raise us that way in my family.I do not deal that way with the woman i married.

The rape cases has to do with men being physically stronger than women.If it were the other way,women would also rape men in the same magnitude.It has to do with a decadent society and not necessarily because men are taught to be superior.

Thorpido you're in your 30s right? People of that era have a different mindset and were brought up differently (my brothers are of that age group), not all of them but there was a different mindset. My dad encouraged his sons and daughters to do their best. Decades later, I befriended a younger woman and her junior brother. One day, this much younger guy was flaring up at his older sister and one of his complaints was "she doesn't even cook for me and leave food for me. Is that how she will behave in her hubby's house? ". Meanwhile, they were in school together at that time and came home together and he expected her to drive him home (which she did), then enter the kitchen and make him a meal, he didn't feel to help her. And look around NL, majority of the male commenters are young unmarried men who keep denigrating women and advocating violence to solve issues. Older men were not like this, my FIL (in his 70s) says things have gotten worse.

Women older than me (their 60s) achieved more than all these girls shouting here. But it looks like we are sliding back, not forward.

thorpido:
@first bolded,all Nigerian men talk and think this way?I'm sorry but you got yourself the wrong crew.
@second bolded,you can choose for your daughter.All you need to do is raise her well so she knows to makethe right choices.Don't put wrongs things in your daughter's head.You can use your husband's village to judge all Nigerian men.

It's your choice anyway.

sorry but I'm doing the same to my daughter as well (even making plans so she doesn't spend her formative years with Nigerians). I've met only 2 relatively sane Nigerian men (both were 2 of my brothers), even my hubby acted "sane" and is now acting like his fellow cave men (I don't know if it's his Naija environment and I have to keep stopping it). My child can't go through this, please carry una "superiority" to "bless" other people's daughters.

You must be submitted to some higher authority as a human being (men and women alike) instead the equation is not balanced and it is very dangerous to bring males up telling them they are demigods and can do no wrong (or are you enjoying the weekly updates of rape cases against babies, girl children and young women and elderly mamas ). Look at our society and tell me how that's working out for us. Corruption and every vice starts from the home, so how am I to get good values if a hypothetical dad beats my mum up, cheats on her with impunity, values his sons over me and is opening his mouth to attempt to teach me "submissiveness" and constantly undermining my efforts ("this degree you are studying, when you marry you won"t work too much because your place is at home (then why waste money sending me to school), "you need to learn how to cook while your brothers watch tv (what are their hands for), etc) what he's teaching is NOT submission, he's telling his child to accept a lower standard of living and not be her best). Then he expects normal adjusted members of society to come from such a home.

Modath, how come you're leaving so quick? Did you get your LO immunization done (I want to try and wait for mine before I head back to Nigeria in August by Gods grace).

CFCfan:
Nice pics you got.
Where in SoCal do u live?

an hour out of LA. But I'm an east coast transfer.

Griffin Observatory. You can see live pictures of Venus through their telescope. They also have the Periodic table represented as their actual elements and gases.

OP mind if I post my SoCal pictures?

first is behind our home (that is Mt Baldy)

Second is the mall at Hollywood and Highland

Everyone knows that bridge but it isn't South

We went visiting at Venice Beach.

BuddhaPalm:
Jesus said: "By their fruits we shall know them...".

Releasing a tape right after her supposed rape calls her claims into question.

It's very easy for SJWs like you to quickly jump to conclusions AGAINST MEN whenever rape is mentioned.

For the second girl, being raped in an OFFICE, while you wait for the man to put on a condom is a stretch man, for many reasons.

And even, raping a woman, in the absence excessive physical force and the imminent threat of violence is far from easy.

It is most likely that the intercourse was consensual, but on the promise of admission. Many women will give up their virtue in the pursuit of any goals they consider worthwhile.

Maybe she just felt used afterwards and turned on the man, since the admission didn't materialize.

Finally, I can only speculate, given the facts at hand.

And IF you don't have more facts than we all do, then you shouldn't rush to conclusions too.

http://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2015/08/unilag-lecturer-who-raped-18-year-old.html?m=1

A female student had the same "issue" with the same lecturer. Let me guess, you're going to say these are all lies against an innocent man, right?

In unilag, there was this idiotic lecturer who tried to kiss a classmate when he asked her to come and take. a test. she missed in his office. 3 years later he was asking another classmate to meet him in Unilag Guesthouse. I saw the texts. 10 years later, that lecturer is still teaching. I guess you will say all those girls were lying about him too.

One Dr came for a conference at unilag and was carrying strong face and saying students are very wicked everywhere, so we were sent to appease him and be polite. Later on, he came outside and was smiling and bringing his ugly face trying to "know us ladies better and meet him that evening".
He could have easily asked one of us female students to bring something he "forgot" at the conference hall to Guesthouse, something bad will happen and later claim she wanted it.
And you will defend him.

All the best tomorrow. No matter the outcome, keep loving yourselves.

ibkgab001:
57 rape cases in a week

That is a terrifying statistic

toludadon:
This happened at Gemade Estate, Lagos today where a woman identified as Mrs Achilefu that lives on No 12, Ayoola street, Gemade Estate did this to her domestic servant, names withheld..
The guy is in hospital right now while the madam was taken to a police station close by but was released within a short while..
Some residents of the estate have taken it upon themselves to ensure that justice is served in this case..
Whatever you can do to help get justice, please don't hesitate..

cc: lalasticlala

Put this picture and her name on social media everywhere. People should be named and shamed, unless this young man raped her child, there I no justification for her attack. Let everyone know what she is.

Keji3:
Good day mothers, pls my 3 weeks old baby has been fuzzy, stretching and crying in his sleep since yesterday she's also straining really hard cos she has not pooed for 3days now. She's breastfeeding well but also strains and stretch while on breast. Pls help out with how to help her poop and also stop the fuzziness and st retching cos she's not sleeping well both during the day and night. Thanks

Please don't give a newborn Orange juice. If it is not recommended to give them excess water (on account of water toxicity), why would it be safe to give their still developing stomachs an acidic juice? It's normal in EBF but if you wish, you can eat oranges and veggies and fibre-rich food.

eazee:
Good day our sabi mamas,
How is everyone doing? Pls I need urgent help oo. My elder sister's 4 week old son has been running temperature since yesterday. We gave him paracetamol all thru ysterday but it persisted this morning.
My mama abeg kindly advise any home remedy before we prepare go hospital.

Thank you

Please take him to the hospital right now. A fever in a baby that small is dangerous. Don't waste time giving him a bath, you can do it at the hospital and please don't pour cold water on him (it may cause convulsions).

beedam:
Wow!!!

In the US, Mothers are moving more towards the way your grandmother did it: exclusively breastfeeding till 2 years of age, unmedicated birth at home with midwives, wearing your baby, natural organic living and cloth diapering, sleeping on the bed with your baby and all sorts. When i met some, they assumed since i was "from Africa" I would be a champion at all that. They were surprised to hear that we over here are moving to disposables and weaning quickly and cots They feel that the natural way is better.

The way one reacted to hearing I was supplementing with formula, you'd have thought I was drinking gin and feeding my baby some. Well, let's see how it goes in Naija, I will post my routine then.

PeyButtons:
Yes u can..i started giving my LO guinea corn pap with infant milk from 3months...though i usually make it myself...mix guinea corn,beans,dried plantain and fish together..grind,sieve and keep it at home..and she is so healthy and strong.

3 months! wow, okay, I thought babies couldn't handle anything else apart from mill till at least 4 months. All my family doctors are encouraging me to give breastmilk (pump and bf) for at least 6 months and be using breast milk to mix into their cereals.
How did she take it at first?

one of my nephews is 4 and still wers himself (he's a lastborn). It can be tough. But keeping her 2 hours on a potty suggests that you guys may end up getting frustrated at her at some point (normal) and she feels this and it makes her anxious and not go. All kids are different and they have their own schedule of maturity. So take a deep breathe, perhaps take a break for a week, please read the article below and try those tips in it. A gentler approach may be needed (seriously, sitting a child down for 2 hours in one place is punishment for you and the child).

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-abcs-of-potty-training_4399.bc

Treats don't usually work, positive encouragement works better (clap for her, tell her "welldone! ", show her how to use the potty, be kind when she messes up, write her name and decorate her potty, in fact you wife and her go to the toilet together so she feels like a grownup)

do we have DIYers and home renovators in Nigeria? We could try these out

Best thing for her is for everyone to sit down and make a decision as to what happens in the future. If she keeps the baby, then she must be responsible for 60% of its upkeep (which would put the fear of God and Responsibility in her forever). She can put the baby up for adoption (take it to the Catholic church or the orphanage in Lekki, a good home will be found for it). She can have an abortion. Those are her choices.

Your parents erred. Violence wouldn't have solved the issue, they should have called her and the man and said "if you guys marry it is illegal and we will be arrested for giving her away so we want no part in it, do not inform us of your plans and we will not attend any ceremony, none of us are in support. If she leaves this home, we will report to an NGO and police that she ran away or was abducted. " Even if she was still stubborn, the man would have realised you were willing to harass him in the futurenand wisely kept away. He would have even advised her not to run away (who wants police trouble? )

Unless there was financial inducement from this fellow, I'm not sure why you all agreed.

FinanceFitness:
Eddy and Tanko are the most popular agents - peeps here can pm their details to you.

Thanks. Please can someone send me their contact info? I need it urgently, thanks in advance.

Now this is a father.

Hello everyone
I'm trying to get a Nigerian visa or passport for my baby. Please how do I go about it, as I'm pretty far away from any Nigerian embassy. Any tips or any reliable and trusted agent? Thanks

Kinda believe in it. Interesting story with it.

raayah:
I could not help but notice that line. I am usually in awe how nairalanders themselves abuse and bash women daily on this website. No respect at all. I remember a gang-rape case of a teenage girl on nairaland and everybody kept blaming the girl.

Rape occurs to both male and female, young and old.

Almost everyday we get a front-page post on nairaland full of men calling women worthless. Seun should encourage threads that uplifts and empowers women.

To the case at hand, I really do like your newspaper opinion. Its a step in the right direction. If the Nigerian police force is willing to co-operate, then we can win this war.

Good idea. Let us use social media to start mentally challenging how we view women.

Freemanan:
If decency from the female pack is in tact, the rate of rape or sexual offences will reduce. Hence no need for this discussion... You get the idea?

They rape hijab wearers up North. They rape MFM girls and women who are dressed going to/coming from work (I'm sure they don't dress indecently to work). I've read comments from males on NL saying "you are too pretty to be going out by yourself" blah blah and I've heard comments like that in real life. Most men feel they own women in our society so everything a woman does is geared towards her serving a man one day. And that service includes se.xual service, so they feel entitled to sleeping with her, whether or not she consents. And that is why we need to re-educate them.

Or to quote the OP, we can just lock up all women (no school sef), create "decent" Pampers diaper for our babies to cover them from neck to toes, sew Agbada for our little boys (so they can be decent) and see if rape goes away. After all, it is easier in your mind to change women and children rather than ask men to change.

You realise that you blaming women for dressing indecently is also saying men have no self-control and should be treated like all animals with no self-control, right?

EziAsh:
This issue needs a multiple approach.First there is need to deconstruct the male mentality.This would involve leting them understand that the female gender is not there for their pleasure.They should understand that they do not have any right over the female body, so that will mean change the way we bring up female and male children where the male child thinks he can get away with anything.This is more or less a socio-cultural approach

This above. Train men to understand women don't solely exist for their pleasure. You cannot lock up every woman, so why not train men to respect women and their decisions? Nigerian men feel they own women, even female children (who will one day grow up to be women).

Teach your kids that NO-ONE should touch them, not even their friends, in certain places and they should never keep secrets from their parents.

For convicted rapists and child molesters, why not plaster their names and faces on flyers AROUND their own neighbourhood, village and church and place of work. That will shame them because Nigerians hate notoriety. That is possible (after all the Catholic church notifies even your village church when you want to get married, so do the same to molesters).

Train leaders of churches and such places to counsel rape victims and their families to not sweep the crime under the table but publicly take it up.

Shoot the entire NPF. You can't change those guys (they commit too many crimes themselves) and hire new legally educated police men and women. That is out of your hands.

desiree:
I don't make my own laundry detergent oooo!! Lol I wish I could. You are right abt Aveeno not being natural. I doubt if anything made commercially can be natural because you would have to consider preservatives, PH adjusters and stabilisers, some of which are toxins. Aveeno is the better of the two products.

I make most my baby food actually but I aint crunchy, otherwise I would be cloth diapering and baby wearing. My baby is on the big side. He weighs 8kg at 4 months 1 week. I try to go as organic as I can for this LO.
I get my recipes from here

http://www.heinzbaby.co.uk/4-6-months.aspx

http://wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com/stage1_homemade_baby_food_recipes.htm

I use cloth wipes and I'm going to cloth diaper once Baby E reaches the right weight. I even make my own hair and body creams and wanted to whip up homemade diaper cream. Remain small for me to start growing my own veggies and fruits. Sigh
Thanks for the links, will look it up

congratulations and well done to you and your mum

congratulations and well done to you and your mum.

g

FINA4804:
. Yes, if you get the original Johnson product they are nice. I just love it, some persons don't know there is johnsons Usa,south africa,and UK so depending on what you got,i have being using Johnson Usa and no reaction.

Sorry but I think a lot of things attributed to "original product" or not, mistakenly. I bought my Johnson's baby wash in the US (walked into the store myself), my sis went to UK and got the exact type too, her boys had no problem with it and Baby E developed a rash all over her face and neck, spreading to her body. Sensitive skin is sensitive skin, people react differently to everything. "oh this is more original because it was made in so-and-so country" isn't always the case (formulations must be the same, especially with children's products in a better country with legal address to lawsuits like SA, USA and UK).

Let me dust off my Science degree Johnson Baby wash has an ingredient called Sodium Laureth Sulphate (SLS) which is a cleansing agent but some people find it very drying (ask any girl who has natural hair, they avoid it in their shampoos; which is why most use conditioner to wash hair as SLS is in most shampoos. it will dry out your kid's hair as well). SLS is a popular cleansing agent. Aveeno switched SLS with Sodium Lauroamphoacetate (a milder cleansing agent), which is why it's less drying. That's one of the things that make Aveeno milder, but its not organic. I've seen organic baby wash in Lagos (Pharmacare in Festac and some shops on the island especially in Lekki) have them.

sorry for the long story. @Desiree, you use black soap as laundry detergent and puree fruits? That's interesting, will make a note of it. You sound like a "crunchy" organic mama o, will have to get tips from you

Rashomo:
Yes..according to matron at Randle,dey said it is nt gud..dey even insulted one woman dat breastfed her new baby while lying down..it is nt gud for baby, n MIL Says it do affect deir ears..

Outside Nigeria, they actually teach you that it is safe to lie down and breastfeed. So maybe its the positioning that made the matron say it's wrong, not the lying down.

http://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/ear-infection-nursing/

MumZ:
Babies r different, my DS never had diaper rash no matter d type I used. I only used Shea butter 4 him truout his diaper days. But I tried it wit my DD, 2wks afterbirth, started havn diaper rash. In fact, she had ela, change of skin n reacted 2 baby oil touching her face, bed sheet n all. I had 2 get sudocreme 4 her bum, though its slow, it works. But d rash comes back after like every 2 mths, dats y I want 2 try dis baby tribotan. Dis my epistle long no b small.

That sounds more like sensitive skin and an allergy to some chemical compound (she's reacting to baby oil). May I suggest switching over to more organic creams and oils (coconut oil and olive oil) and baby washes (Johnson's is notorious for being pretty harsh, try Aveeno or a few other brands if you can get them from abroad).

Some advice from a pediatrician and dermatologist for babies with persistent diaper rash: they advised that a lot of chemicals and synthetic fragrances are in a lot of bab products and recommend using more organic products. Diapers (unless they are those cheap cheap Chinese ones were one doesn't know how they made it) are usually safe (but they contain SnP, the ingredient used to trap moisture and parents don't like that it's a petrochemical) but leaving them on too long can irritate the skin. Wipes can be drying or have something that irritates skin, so switch to using a soft face towel with warm water to clean up for a while (less harsh on baby) and get a mild organic butt cream.