₦airaland Forum

Lamasta:
But why is the lady not Calling to check up on her daughter also till school resumes

Maybe if she had done that she might not be crying on the internet now

We have no idea the relationship that the parents have.

Some people hate the other parent so much that they can tell you not to call when the kids are with them.

I know someone that he and his wife are separated and when he takes the older kids, her mum dissuades her from calling when they're with their dad, because the man accused his wife of being desperate when she tried to reconcile. Luckily, her husband's Aunt is always telling her to keep an eye on her kids (she disapproves of her nephew). So the woman calls. And that is the only time the man picks her calls. Even to check on his kids regularly, he won't do it.

The devil can enter people's minds and they will act in ways that one day, they will look back and be ashamed of their madness.

Yes, he told everyone his wife tried to keep his children away from him).

thomas2024:
I understand your point. Before doing a thing, I always ask myself if I'm doing the right thing or not. And before I come up with this thought, I've thought about it thoroughly, I just need to have a child of my own to also have what to live for, and if possible continue my legacy.

May I ask you, what is the longest amount of time you've spent with any child, by yourself?

Parenting is really, really hard.

And children will disappoint and hurt you, it's not all cute smiles and warm hugs. They're human beings, with flaws and red flags.

Also, what is your legacy?

Have you thought about the fact that perhaps your legacy may be served by fostering a child (who still lives in a 2-parent home) or mentoring a lot of children (who need a positive Uncle Figure in their lives).

Sometimes we want things for selfish reasons. And don't count the cost longterm.

I wanted kids, with or without marriage. Now I see the wisdom of a good marriage protecting children.

tommy589:
Don't be surprised that our own maths prodigy is somewhere farming,fishing,herding cows or wakabout

THIS!!

This thought always passes through my mind and I get tears of rage randomly in my eyes.

I look at agberos and street kids and wonder which of them can solve complex Math equations or understand Microbiology in a new way, which of them is the next Warren Buffett or Bill Gates

You'll hear some Bus Conductor mathematics and just know if you gave the guy pen and paper, he would prove equations to you.

It fills me with rage, we just waste potential here. It's so unfair.

descarado:
It is not poverty mentality but low self esteem.
Low self esteem masquerade as poverty mentality.
Why do nigerian politicians keep on stealing even though they have billions in their account?
Low self esteem.
Otedola will train his son in law to take over his biz as his daughters do not have interest in biz and his son is autistic. Besides, his son inlaw is not poor. Wonder why people look down on that guy. Maybe cos he does not make noise.
Low self esteem makes parents irrespective of backgrounds to Control the lives of their kids especially sons and make the wife a second fiddle in her home.
For parents that do not do that, they do not suffer from low self esteem and are contented being parents to their kids and succour.

This is true.

Low self esteem is part of poverty mentality

Infact, you're very correct: the woman I know flexing her muscle in her son's marriage and helping to scatter is, does have low self esteem. Very low self-esteem.

Ishilove:
Surnames are a European adoption. My own father's surname is his grandfather's first name. My father's siblings all have different surnames and my grandfather had his own surname, also different. In short, it is confusing even though Dad has explained it to me several times. What i do know is the whole extended family has a common clan name...

Frack, it is still confusing

Koreans didn't get surnames until the 20th century, it's why so many of them share the same surname. They just gathered and collected the surname of the main ruling family in their village (if Lee was the Chief, everyone in the village became Lee etc). So surname no dey shack their body.

We as Africans, we need to find achievements because this is getting embarrassing. Insecure people sure do beat their chests loudly.

descarado:
At the end of the day, too much pressure to start taking care of them from mid life when they can still work and make ends meet as parents assume its the duty of their kids to take care of them as they age. That son marry, the mum will swear he will never enjoy his marriage because she sold her left bweest to train him so he owe her his existence.
Did he tell her to give birth to him? No answer to that. Wack mentality.
Their audacity is what baffles me. You enter your son's home and become home owner, dictating that everybody should bow to you.

The thinking behind "Na me train am, na me own am!" is again, Poverty mentality.

Because do you think Otedola is depending on his Son-in-law for upkeep money? If his child is being maltreated, he will quietly remove her from the marriage.

My mother doesn't enter my brother's house more than 3 times in a year and she contributed largely to him buying it, way before he married.

My aunt's son just got married, they bought and fully furnished a home in Ikoyi for the couple. When they want to see their grandkid, they invite the couple to come visit.

But when you scraped and made your child your meal ticket, then yes, you'll declare you own them and nobody has any rights over them.

Poverty mentality. And poverty mentality can affect anyone, even the wife of a rich man. As long as she grew up poor and continued in her mentality, she'll always be like that. She'll help her son get a job and then demand he spends all his money on her, "na me own you!". Until her son jams a crazy girl with poverty mentality and then the 2 women fight it out.

Kobicove:
It is possible that she was not reachable when the girl fell ill, but she's not likely to disclose this fact because she wants to whip up sentiments against the girl's father

The man doesn't have a single number belonging to any of her family members? Like, he impregnated a woman who fell from the sky, he never met anyone for 13 years of his child's life from her mother's family, nobody in his family said "this is serious, we need to tell someone in that family", they just went and buried the child silently?

No Facebook, no GSM, no email, no text, not even a letter, nobody to go to the woman's house and deliver the news in person (because apparently buses no longer run from Delta state outside), nothing??

Are we in 1913? Even in 1913 people could communicate.


Let's stop calling what is wrong, right.

Ishilove:
See those ones up there trying to normalise adultery. Degenerates

I'm sorry, I'm only commenting because I love your signature . I gotta write it down in my diary and ponder on its' meaning. I get it Sha.

Double post double post double post

And for connections, Secondary and University is where the strong connections are made. Even the right Primary school can mean you'll never get a visa denial at a lot of embassies (people golf with Ambassadors and their kids attend birthday parties and camp together).

Finally,

All these cries of:

"your child is using washing machine they're lazy" (seriously, what skills or moral does hand washing impart)

"Your child ate 2 pieces of meat, they're greedy and lack home training" (when they need the protein, that's why average Naija height is 5'7" )

"Your child is attending expensive school, they're spoilt/stupid and can't pass JAMB" (none are planning on schooling here) or "you're only doing it to show off" Etc

Is just Nigerian pride trying to make itself feel better for its' poverty. Aka "I can't have it and I can't be humble, so I'll denigrate it to make myself feel better". You know we love only 2 things: "I better pass my neighbor" and "if I can't have it, it must be nonsense".

Middle Class schools, they do homework daily. Just repetition and repetition.

And here's what people don't know: the quality of textbooks used in Nigeria vary wildly. There are publishers that won't sell to your school if they think the order is too small. There are good textbooks that are too expensive for most schools (I've seen Farafina social studies textbooks that you won't find in schools paying less than N400,000/term).

N1mil/term is using British textbooks that explain Math better and give challenging past questions.

Your child is basically handicapped and you have no idea, you're seeing them pass but don't realize that they're learning with the equivalent of a C-grade textbook vs others learning with an A-grade textbook.

In my Math and Science cohort, I use UK and Singapore's system. I teach 5 yr old Astronomy and it isn't just watching YouTube videos: they have to go out and observe the night sky. My son builds science models and understands Physics, we use pH papers and tuning forks to learn Science in primary schools. That's SS1 experiments being run.

Same thing happens in the Robotics competitions: wealthy schools demolish their counterparts. They have access to the best materials and they do it at home, for fun. Your kids attending their schools will make friends with a classmate who has more Lego and STEM toys than you've ever seen and that's how your child will start their Mechanical Engineering life, in Pry 4.

You simply cannot say "cheap will do".

What every parent should make sure is that they're getting bang for their buck, so the more you spend, the more you should see value.

So, I'll speak on this matter

Your schoolfees reflect what you will get for your kids. Period.

If you pay a little, you get a little. If you pay a lot, you get a lot more. How much more you can get from either a public or private school is entirely up to you.

And this is where paying more school fees matters.

Your mentality and choices are determined by the environment and people surrounding you.

Gerrard59, your post was spot on. But the number of Public School parents who will do what you suggested is less than 1%. The number of Private School parents who will do it is greater than 30%.

That is why when Nigerian students win competitions abroad, they are usually from wealthy homes attending nice private schools.

I teach Math and Science with a foreign curriculum, all my students live in highbrow areas. Middle class parents don't see the value in what I'm teaching. They've heard of it from wealthy parents but their mentality is still old school and traditional: Math and English taught the old Naija method, throw in some poorly coordinated "robotics" training and they're satisfied

Meanwhile, I'm prepping my 8 yr old to compete against East Asian kids and attend university at Tsinghua, MIT, Stanford or Loughborough.

My 2 year old, I'm unbothered that he can't hold a pencil (I see people from lower income schools crowing happily about their toddlers writing). Why should I be, I gave him a simplified Rubik's Cube and have been throwing so much science and math at him since he was 1.

My oldest won a medal at an international math Olympiad, I have been working on her critical thinking skills.

My teen nephews have been practicing essay writing skills since primary school, with a dedicated teacher.

A friend's child just got a swim scholarship from Germany.

My mentality is a 1% and when I lived in a highbrow area, we parents constantly swapped tips and ideas on how to push our kids forward. Our kids were training academics and sports, just because we all are planning on them writing SATs and IGCSE and we know that the essay must showcase the kids perfectly.

Our kids are in Primary and Junior secondary schools with 10 year goal plans for them.

You'll never find that kind of thinking from people who are struggling to survive or just got out of survival mode. You'll only find that from people who know that hunger is not a problem anymore.

Gerrard59:
This too; there are good public schools. Parents can enrol their children there, employ the services of a good math tutor to enable the children to hone their math skills and most importantly, be readily aware of scholarship information on the Internet. In fact, educated parents from lower-middle-class families should prep their children for scholarship opportunities for tertiary education so they don't have to pay for it. Get other people to pay for the education. It is more of the drive and ambition than just the school. Location plays a role, quite alright, but that drive is important.

The Internet is available for any ambitious individual to excel.

This is my industry and I agree with your post but there's a reason why this doesn't happen. You cannot refine a diamond in the middle of an asphalt quarry. I'll explain below.

pocohantas:
I agree with her.



Walahi na humans dey complicate their lives unnecessarily. Work within your income class, please.

Yes and No.

This is my industry so I can speak on it, will drop a post later.

Double post someone borrow me 40 more characters please

Zionmdde:
Those Chinese boys, where were they when several of young chaps from Nigeria were winning mathematics competitions at the world stage

Sorry o, but I'mma need facts, links and stats on this claim of yours.

Because this is my industry and nowhere has Nigeria produced more than 5 people that have won Math Competitions against Chinese or any Asians. Nigeria isn't great at teaching Mathematics and Science.

I have a child who has even won an international medal and she certainly didn't beat any Asian, the top Nigerian kid there wasn't in the top 5, he was in the top 10.

The American Math Olympiad teams (who usually place 1st or 2nd globally) are usually comprised of White kids and Asian kids.

Top countries are China, USA, Russia, UK, Japan, South Korea, India, Turkey/Israel. Not us.

So please where did your own competition(s) happen, that we were beating them black-and-blue?

Namaster:
Refusing to take your husband's surname is an INSULT to that husband.
It means she doesn't value the husband enough.
She thinks he's UNWORTHY!

Refusal to take your husband's name is a REJECTION of the man and his leadership.

It's an INSULT!

But a husband who not only accepts that but DROPS his own surname to take his wife's name is CURSED!

Oh no, oh dear. That means that all the men in South Korea, China and Japan (for example) are unworthy. Their countries are probably worse than Nigeria because of this huge problem...wait...let's go and confirm how horrible their countries are, compared to ours.

I just checked, it's raining in Seoul and also raining in Lagos. Which city do you think still has electricity (an old 19th century invention) during the rain?

Do you have light, m'dear?

In Seoul, those "unworthy" men who let their wives keep their surnames have created a country where there's light as it is raining.

See the problem I have with the Black race (and it's a general problem amongst all of us, African, West Indian, Black American) is that we have so little achievements, we have no little to recommend us to stand with our peers that we cover our insecurities by beating our chests loudly and screaming about things that are not important in the long run. White man and Asian man don't need to flex their muscle to oppress women and children, because their achievements rule the world, unlike us.

A woman's surname is another man's surname, be it her father or her husband.

And even in the Old Testament, men did honour their Father-in-laws with decades of service and loyalty, becoming his son (they didn't pick his last name because in ancient times, people didn't really have surnames, they named you and added the location where you were born).
Choosing to become your FiL's son and serving him for decades can be akin to saying "I'm picking my wife's surname to honour her father", abi?

Just a thought.

Now, how about we stop focusing on insignificant minors that lead to nothing productive and actually worry about fixing the moral decay in our society that has made us a global name for fraud, poverty, corruption and crime, hmmm?

Good morning y'all.

Dogalmighty17:
You didn't see where he said his wife has moved in with another man?

Some of us know his story from last year.

He can restore his marriage still. Unless pride and then in that case, he should brace himself for Stepmother and Stepfather in the lives of his children. And no amount of pride is worth that wahala.

Osebanjo:
Orisirisi. At least he didn’t blame the devil here.

See, the devil has a hand in it. Because he has to find you empty and weak to be able to fill the void inside you with rubbish and then it manifests as Destruction in your life.

Because not only was the Dr cheating on his wife who just had a premature baby, he has put his medical license on the line...for adultery. And he's an immigrant, this is the worst global climate to be doing nonsense in. That's why this story made headlines with his name well spelled.

Lose your marriage, lose the respect of your family, colleagues and friends, lose your career, public disgrace forever when anyone googles you....on top of knacks?!

GiftofGod77:
Good morning Onegai and I hope you are doing well and great....

Hmnn I have read the post in full and it seems the man who use to work for Yahoo company who had retires had been a junkie, no offence to kobojunkie , for many years. He had a messy separation from his former wife, had been I to heavy drinking and even all kinds of violent lifestyle. He was once found with wounds to his chest and slashes to his wrist lying down on the streets...he had a openly sick life mentally before he tragically took the life of his mother and then his own.

Unfortunately the ai did not again rise to the occasion to convince him to change his mind on this homicidal and suicidal dark path. This again will serve as a lesson to the creators as they will update the algorithm...

It's a sad one but many out there are sick and need urgent help...hmnnn it is well. Thanks for chatting up.....

No problem, I tried to reply DM. How are you doing this Sunday?

Afodot0022:
Am not an advocate of not to get married, one thing I experienced in marriage is that marriage will humble you as a man. Those saying their marriage is sweet and fine is because they are still meeting up to their responsibility, once this is taking away, that your wife will become something else you never imagined. Those that want to get married, take this, don't marry a woman at was brought up by single mother, they eventually end up like their mum. My mother in-law, married 5 men with different kids to different man. What good can you expect from such family of not their daughter later being like her mum. Now we have been separated for 3years and heard she is with another man. That's a pattern she must follow . Marriage has its up and down. Just study the woman you are with very well and notice red flag that can become insure in marriage. Women are very complicated and you need to be sane to deal with their shenanigans

Bros, how far? How are you and your daughters?

Hmmmmm.

This your matter, it's still fixable. If you want your marriage back and even better, it cane be done. You need to swallow your pride, wash it down with a good dose of humility.

Because there's nothing out there. Trust me. God doesn't make mistakes. He didn't make one with you.

I really want to see you in your marriage flourishing, your children surrounding your table.

And it is possible. But you have to discard everything you know and follow the way of the Cross. And it will be painful but God's glory won't depart from you ever again.

Next time you visit the girls, ask their mum to sit with you and calmly ask how her day/week went. Be a very good and open father, communication should be cranked to the max between you and your wife but don't mention reconciliation. Just talk about anything under the sun. Ignore whatever you hear or see outside (truth is, your wife isn't probably happy but you kicked her out/she moved out, started dating and moved in with another woman, then wifey tried to reconcile and you were prideful so she gave up hope and is making the best out of what life has handed her).

Na man you be and Man dey fix wetin im break. And in doing so, you can become the greatest man ever.

I take God beg you, don't listen to damaged people here will be motivated to ginger you to harden your heart and listen to your pride. They're not going to be there when you're 60 and another man is dancing with your daughter on her wedding day and you're attending it as guest, not father. Or worse, you don't show up. I want you to be 60 and watching tv peacefully with that woman,your girls disturbing you for money and asking you if you've eaten. That's my prayer for you.

A white South African going around fanning racism and xenophobia globally...South Africans, come and collect your person abeg and keep him busy.

sage04:
Good Evening house, doctor in the please kindly advice me on what to do, boils spreading to all part of the body,thanks

Please if you love your life don't take any medical advice from here.

If you are in Lagos, go to General Hospital Lagos Island (Odan), they have a Skin Clinic every Thursday with Consultant dermatologist leading them. If they biopsy the boil and it requires more, they'll send you to the right department.

Best of all, the price for registration is very cheap (it used to be N5000).

Any other dermatologist will charge you N25,000 per visit.

This is a hack a lot of wealthy govt people use: they go to that hospital because it's the most well-staffed in Lagos.

Mariangeles:
Hahaha

10-15 years is too long sef.
The truth is, the thrill they get out of it is the feeling of the wife being hurt.

Once the wife becomes unavailable, the excitement dies.

I honestly think you're right: a part of it is the man wanting to hurt his wife and a broken woman willing to encourage it for greed.

Mariangeles:
These daughters of jezebel called side-chics.

Like I've stated before; nobody hate wives like the side-chics.
The ultimate goal is to take the place of the wife.

You agaracha men, keep your concubines on a leash! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Before Chineke akpochaa unu oku!

And when the side chics become wives, it ALWAYS ends in misery for them and the man, every single time.

I am surrounded by far too many examples of it. All of them, failure and pain going into the next generation.

People will point to the current ones and say "oh look at how happy they are" and my reply will always be "give it 10-15 years". Or do they think all those "my husband returned home after 20 years" stories sprung from nowhere? Why is the man looking for his first wife in his old age?

It never works out long run. Even my aunts who were the side chics, I would certainly never have believed the man beside them loved them so much that they left their wives for them. The resentment brimming from the men 15 years later! Half of them have left the man they destroyed his marriage for, the other half they will attend events together but you'll see them sitting in stone-cold silence not talking to each other.

Like my elders say "that love go finish one day"

Even abroad, they have measured statistics and it is the 2nd marriage that fails upto 70%, especially when it was caused by Adultery.

I recall a thread on X, when they asked Unpopular Opinions on Love and one of the biggest comments was a bunch of SA girls all saying "don't ever become the wife, remain the side chic". And all the other girls were agreeing with them. They know what they've seen.

OP, mind your business. Don't go and plant seeds of destruction in a family and walk away.

Don't let devil use you (dis one you don dey dream ), because maybe the man is having issues in his marriage that you don't know about and your wild accusations will give him the excuse he needs to leave his wife. He won't even do the DNA test, he will scream "even my friend noticed it!" And run off to the banny that's entering his eye.

(He won't be the first man to do this).

If I am that man's wife, I will make sure I go to Facebook and tag you and say you came to tell my husband to accuse me of cheating and paternity fraud and I will personally post the results of the DNA test there.

Let the whole world know what kind of person you are.

pocohantas:
Hahahaha! I know right! I have people from that side, including my house assistant. Really unfamiliar but sweet names, I had to ask for the meaning of all her names. They have lovely meanings too.

At first glance I bet you wanted to deny them and say they are Ghanians. 😂😂😂

Ghana ke? That's too close, my mind went to Random-East-Central-African-Country.

pocohantas:
You don't know all the tribes in Nigeria.
The lady is very Nigerian. From Benue state.
The guy might be Benue too.

Forreal??

That was all I was wondering when I read it: "what tribe are these guys from, they don't sound Nigerian".

Mehnnn, we really have tribal names in this country. Very pretty names.

Our writers for film, books and tv need to start doing better research and using other tribes, not always the 3 main tribes and then the pure water names from minor tribes. We need more than "Kunle, Chimamanda, Halima, Toyin, Chike, Mohammed".

Let's get "Isio, Doosuur, Nintor, Effiong, Ashabi, Oremwense, Segilola" etc.

Twoclans:
Did the side chic take any vows with you?

Truth be told a high percentage of married men are enduring their wives and marriages because a lady or woman somewhere is taking care of his emotions and sexual needs.

I work in a male dominated industry ,all my married male colleagues have side chics .A high percentage of the customers that patronise the company I have seen them come to our business premises with their wives and side chic .

As a woman you better learn how to add value to yourself and don't disturb your head about a man's shenanigans.

I will say something and whilst horrible, it is very true.

Quite a few of those "Paternity Fraud in Nigeria is high" articles are probably true.

And majority of the men suffering from it will never know it.

Because a wedding ring on a woman's finger has never stopped her from cheating or being chatted up by other men. Mine hasn't stopped one man, not one single man cares, if I smile back at his smile, they will ask me for my number. On one of my birthdays, someone drove to my house to take me out and did his best to get me in bed that night. And this is someone who started the convo that evening with "how's your husband and kids?". Another tactic: "so that old lady living with you, is she your Mum or MiL?" (translation: "are you free to be leaving the house to hang out with me?".

The reason I'm not cheating is because I have the fear of the Lord in my heart, not because of lack of options. And that is true of every woman out there, even if you foolishly think that because you're no longer attracted to your wife, other men aren't eyeing your pot of soup greedily.

And women who have a lot to lose will lie to the grave about what they have done. If you like, tell yourself "she's a prayer warrior", it is with mine own eyes I've seen cheating hidden inside prayer messages on Whatsapp. Both women, one just had a baby.

That same secret WhatsApp accounts men like to boast of, guess what? The app doesn't stop females from downloading it.

So when married men are cheating happily and telling their wives to close their eyes, they don't understand that when you open your marital doors to another, it is not just one person that will come inside that marriage eagerly.

And it is very easy for the Black race to say "the boy looks like my Grandfather o!". Black people don't have distinct features (aka you have brown eyes and your child has blue eyes so you know something dey up).

We live in a time of great sin. The devil has told everyone that both genders can do as they please and as long as nobody catches them, all is well.

Have the fear of God in your hearts abeg.

OP, another person offline (with me) says it didn't work for them.

MsJackson:
Yes I spoke to a lawyer, but decided against pursuing the case because I now realized that the marriage wasn't worth fighting for. So I'm going to divorce him myself. My family are preparing to return my bride price, at my behest. After that, then I'll properly divorce him. I refuse to leave myself in such situation. I have left him and his family to God. I was secretly praying that you'd see my update, so I was glad to see your reply. Your words really encourage me a lot. My God will bless you ma'am. THANK YOU.

I know this is hard, but please forgive him and pray for him as you take the next step.

Sin is a terrible thing to live under and the devil will make it so sweet in the beginning but it always turns to ash in your mouth.

Please don't let the devil win by harbouring any ill-will in your heart for your husband and his family. Don't hate him, don't live in bitterness, certainly don't keep updates on his life, don't use your child to fight him, don't even gloat or be sad no matter what you see or hear, find your joy and peace in the Lord.

And the marriage was worth fighting for, still is worth fighting for. Just hand everything over to God, ask Him to order your steps and face your future. The battle isn't yours, it's time to pick a Champion that has never lost a war. Not once.

You'll be fine. Love to your kid.

PS: work on yourself o. God has a plan for you and you don't want to be caught napping unprepared when it comes to fruition.