₦airaland Forum

ezugegere:
The problem is that you guys always concentrate on men. Men do this, men do that... Women do not need to write will... Women do not need to be open... That is by the way,
I insist that every family should do work works for them. If my wife is wasteful, she won't have access to my account. If my wife is the type that can't stand me talking to another woman, even just exchanging pleasantries, she won't have access to my phone.
That doesn't mean she won't know my movements or my whereabouts.
Every marriage is case sensitive. What works for your family may not work for others.

I refer to men because they tend to die before women, which is why you won't know if your wife wrote a Will or if she has secret bank accounts.

Because you won't be here to find out.

(Truly, not everything is a gender war).

Plus men are the ones who scream about "Why are you checking my phone?!" the most. Not saying women don't cheat but I've seen women who are cheating and wanting to cheat: they literally have unpassworded phones because they hide the cheating in between messages of prayers to the man they're chasing.

(I'm not lying about that, I saw it twice with my own eyes, one has just given birth a while ago).

Back to the Joint Account issue:

You should have a Joint Account. But nobody said you should pool ALL your finances in it. Put what you need to run the home monthly, put school fees inside it. Have a 2nd Joint Account for "Police/Kidnappers kidnapped me/Tanker ran into my car/LASTMA caught me " aka an Emergency Fund.

Then have your own personal savings, but always share that information with your spouse.

And if your spouse has a Betting Addiction, it isn't a lack of a Joint Account that will save you. My sister's domestic help (40 yr old woman) stole millions in gold jewelry to pay off a gambling debt. So worry about the important thing: how to get that gambler help.

And if your wife is constantly getting upset about your "friendliness" with other women, to the point that you have a password on your phone, then that relationship isn't pure. Every single message I send to my ex-bf from uni starts with "how's your queen?" (my nickname for his wife). If I need to password my phone because my husband is upset, that means that conversation isn't the type I can read out on the pulpit in front of the church on Sunday. It's veering into sin territory.

And we don't want that, do we now?

Sheuns:
What do you mean it’s criminal in the north and civil in the south?

You used “legally married”.

Legally married means going to the registry and binding the union by Nigerian laws. Is the law up north different from the one down south?

Except for shariah law that’s different, marriage laws in Nigeria are same in north and south.

Northern Penal Code is different from Southern Criminal Code. You can be arrested in Abuja for meeting a married person in a hotel (some writer/journalist on X who pissed off a politician got arrested for meeting his married friend in Abuja).

In Lagos, you won't be arrested. However you can sue your husband's side chick if his affair led him to chase you and your kids out of the house and file for divorce.


Freeze the OAP was sued for this and some wives do go after the side chicks (especially if the side chick did something stupid like move in with the man).

The man is usually freaked out that his previously long-suffering wife has suddenly become as ruthless as he was in discarding her (because lawyers will charge his case and the side chick's case different and price am separate, like N4mil for divorce and custody, N1.5mil for civil suit, minus extra payments).
.

Sheuns:
What do you mean it’s criminal in the north and civil in the south?

You used “legally married”.

Legally married means going to the registry and binding the union by Nigerian laws. Is the law up north different from the one down south?

Except for shariah law that’s different, marriage laws in Nigeria are same in north and south.

Northern Penal Code is different from Southern Criminal Code. You can be arrested in Abuja for meeting a married person in a hotel (some writer/journalist on X who pissed off a politician got arrested for meeting his married friend in Abuja).

In Lagos, you won't be arrested. However you can sue your husband's side chick if his affair led him to chase you and your kids out of the house and file for divorce.


Freeze the OAP was sued for this and some wives do go after the side chicks (especially if the side chick did something stupid like move in with the man).

The man is usually freaked out that his previously long-suffering wife has suddenly become as ruthless as he was in discarding her and usually starts sending emissaries (because lawyers will charge his case and the side chick's case different and price am separate, like N4mil for divorce and custody, N1.5mil for civil suit, minus extra payments).

More women should actually do it. But we keep guilting innocent parties here into shutting up and "keeping the peace".

ezugegere:
It all depends on the kind of spouse you have. There is no universal handbook on marriage. Every marriage is special needs a special curriculum. You cannot even anybody's marriage as a model. You can learn from others, but ultimately, you must learn and apply what works for your own marriage.

Whilst this is true, you really shouldn't be keeping secrets from your spouse or passwording your phone.

Remember that case of the man who lodged in a hotel in Ogun state and was murdered? It was his wife that raised the alarm (no hiding from her so she knew his whereabouts and his lifestyle). Compare that to the several men who die in places they're not meant to be.

And hiding your finances is why a lot of families are left destitute when the man dies: so many people don't know their husbands' bank accounts meanwhile bank staff will be stealing the money as per "dormant account".

If you're married, fix things and accept other things. Don't make things worse by hiding stuff.

Izicooo and DansMacabre

For those wondering, it's about Code of Ethics in the Military. And it's a general law in most countries.

Let's paint a scenario:

1. You're a Captain married to a hottie. And she catches the eye of a Brigadier General. Knacks happen behind your back and Adultery is sweet, like every sin. So BG decides to "pull a David", to keep your wife permanently. He orders you to Niger state to fight bandits as your Commanding Officer, with your platoon, underequipped. And all of you die.

2. You and your friend are both Lance Corporals on the battlefield. You've been straffing his wife, infact his 2nd child resembles you. Your friend finds out. You're given orders to roll out to the battle front in Zamfara and your friend conspires with officers in the Armoury division to ensure none of the ammunition you go to battle with works well. So not only do you die, but the entire platoon gets wiped out because of sin (Adultery).

How many other Officers will feel safe to carry out orders if they know that their lives are in danger because of Se.xual Immorality and Adultery?

The Military works on Brotherhood and Trust. Because their lives are in danger constantly, they MUST trust the person beside them to have their backs and protect them, to survive.

And Sin (Adultery) makes that impossible. It's bad for morale as well as breeds distrust and division and wickedness.

Even in some companies abroad and here in Nigeria, Adultery is a fire-able offense.

Ethics is a big deal everywhere else except Nigerian society.

PS: even biblically, King David faced consequences. God decreed that the sword would never depart from his household. And when his son Absalom rebelled, one of the supporters of the rebellion was Bathsheba's Grandfather, Ahitophel, giving Absalom excellent military advice. Absalom actually lost because he didn't listen to that advice and Ahithophel committed suicide. Total destruction to the House of David, all because of a side chick and some "harmless" cheating, after all, "men weren't wired to be with one woman, yunno"

Yay, cheers for Adultery!! That sin Nigerian men carelessly commit daily thinking there are no repercussions.

It's very hard to be a Nigerian, our society is built on a lack of morals and good values. And we're all guilty and culpable.

ezugegere:
I don't know the advantages of joint bank account.
I don't have any joint account with my wife but she has access to my account. She has my ATM PINS and one is permanently with her.
Life is not as difficult as some of you are making it to look.

You are running joint finances then. Same thing as a joint bank account. St. Paul even recommended that.

Joint accounts are good. Each spouse having their partner's phone password is excellent.

If you wish to be private and keep secrets from your spouse, please don't marry. Be single and free. Even St. Paul recommended that.

Austinbiggy:
Pls help I have a similar case like this.
I meant a girl who she told me she has a child somewhere but both him and the guy are no longer together but the children are with the guy family ( mother of 2). Now we start dating but I have a good intention of marrying her, she took in for me after I showed her where family are staying. I never denied the pregnancy because I know I was the one responsible for it. I took all the responsibility which was not easy for me. When she told me she was pregnant, she said am going to see her parents, I said no problem, also said I will take care of her and be responsible for everything, the funniest thing she said when I disagree she told me her children will be staying with us and I said over my dead body.
She try to remove the baby because I refuse to accept her children, all the drugs she took did not work until she gave birth for me. She don't want me to know her family, my parents are worried about her parents yet she refuses to show me. Now she is using the baby to deal with me, her character has changed since the day she gave birth, she is not always happy when I asked her to go and see my family and spend some time because the bill for me is not easy. The baby is four months now and I have told my family I can't marry her.
Her two children came to see her father for holiday she went to the man house and see the children and gave my child to someone that she don't want the father of those two children to know she has given birth. Am dying silently because I cannot chase her because of my baby, am ashamed she is not proud of my baby. I can't endure this anymore because I can't wait for the baby to reach one year before I take my decision. She don't even have place to go and my family are saying I should endure because of the baby because she still have right because she still breast feeding. I really want to chase her away. Pls help your guy for advice pls. Don't insult me pls

Hello,

You should have discussed everything with her BEFORE getting into a relationship with her. Or didn't she tell you that she would want to take full custody of her previous 2 children?

See why you shouldn't be having pre-marital ssex?

Right now, it is best to prioritize welfare of the child. Can you live with her and marry her, still?

If not, then start making financial and visitation arrangements for your child. Not once every 2 months, weekly visits. Go to your parents and have them communicate with her and her parents for access to the baby. Then get a lawyer and draft that child arrangements plan.

Please don't take the baby from her, you can't take care of that child yet (your personal squabbles aside, if that baby isn't in danger with her, leave the child with her).

If she's hiding your child from the father of her previous children, there's a chance you can with calm, reason, your parents and hers sitting down together, ask if she will be willing to hand over full custody of your baby to you.

Newborn27:
Good day fellow Nairalanders,

I'm sorry for bringing this up but I need clarity and better explanation from more experienced and educated Nairalanders on "The Red Moon"

I was In one of the Lecture theatres in my school tonight trying to read ahead of my exams, only to look into the sky and saw a *Red Moon* with a crescent shape, I was frightened at its sight cos I've never seen such in my entire life.....I called a friend to enquire about it, then saw 3students passing by, I enquired if they also see what I'm seeing and they said Yes, so it wouldn't be as though, I'm the only one seeing things.

Then I searched for its meaning on google but got more scared about the things popping up...can someone please, enlighten me more about the Red Moon, its importance and effects?

Your contributions would be highly appreciated.

Thanks!

You should head to NASA's website and other Astronomy sites for explanations. And you'll probably find more interesting there.

Here are some

https://www.skyatnightmagazine.com/advice/twitter-accounts-space-astronomy

Step Parenting is extremely hard and a lot of times, we highlight the success stories over numerous failures.

And in Nigerian culture, I would personally not encourage it because our culture isn't built on Love. And you require a lot of love and patience to love someone else's children.

I remember my mum said she never remarried as a widow, before the man she remarries wakes up angry one day that my oldest brother (who was an adult when my dad passed) didn't "greet him well" (I can see it happening sef).

And I know far too many horror stories from men who remarried women who swore and pretended to love their kids before marriage, then showed their true colours once ring was on their finger and the man was forced to choose his new wife over his own children (and it NEVER ends well in the future). There was a horrible comment left on IG page by a woman who said she can't stand her fiance's 7 yr old daughter now that's shes pregnant for him.

If I'm going to remarry, I'll marry a widower with grown (over 16+) kids so that my kids aren't competing with his. So I'll be able to love and respect them and they won't be made uncomfortable by my presence and nobody will be fighting over their father's affection. And I'll honour their late mum's memory.

Anything outside that, na God

Absolutely!

Mods, front page!!

And for those wondering about the health implications, heavy consumption of meat becomes a big deal only as you get older or overweight and start worrying about high cholesterol and clogged arteries.

Asians tend to have higher levels of Stomach Cancer due to their excess amount of salt intake (most of their foods are preserved and cooked in heavy amounts of salt e.g Korean kimchi).

So it's not the 2 small pieces of meat and 1 scrawny chicken leg that we eat here, maybe 3 times a week, that will cause any of that. Heck, how many of you eat egg daily??

Nigerians eat a lot of carbohydrates to cover the fact that they're not eating enough protein or vegetables or even fruit (for example, apparently Banana is now more expensive than plantains ). Which is why we can be short and fat here, with round stomach.

Eating like the way we do is why the average Nigerian height is 5"8.

Good morning OP, how was your night?

Alright, let's dig 🍽️ into this.

Below, I've attached pictures of the average Middle class American dinners.

As you'll notice, a single plate of food has more animal protein than almost a week of Nigerian food. Same with Asian countries (though they add a lot of sides like rice and vegetables) and Europeans.

That's why they're taller and fitter, on average, than most Nigerians.

What does that mean?

Well, sit your girlfriend down and tell her "see, I'm poor, so are you. And I can't afford you to be eating like am American. So either you start making money and contribute towards food that you like or we break up".

Okay?

ps: culture develops around circumstances, which is why everyone on this thread is calling her gluttonous. A country of Poverty decided that since food wasn't readily cheap and available, eating like a regular person meant you have bad character. If you had money or lived abroad, 2 small pieces of meat in rice and stew daily won't be a big deal.

(For real, it's not any nonsense growth hormone making kids blow up once they travel. They're eating more meat. It's why the Chinese in Nigeria are the same height as we are: it's the poor ones coming here to hustle. Nigeria has multi-dimensional poverty).

At Ministry of Women's Affairs Alausa, an officer there narrated a similar story:

They did the Child Welfare checks and ascertained all was okay. The ex-wife decided to start dating a Governor's son and that was it: custody was given to her. Her husband was upset but apparently before that had been threatening all sorts concerning the kids (you know when divorce starts, the devil gives everyone the same script to act from). I'm sure the court looked at other variables but an influential relationship with a Politician would have helped sway things in one direction.

There's even hushed talk amongst the Cool Kids of X (TwitterNg) about one of their members who had a baby out of wedlock for a scion of a wealthy Northern family. She's apparently unable to visit Nigeria with her child because one she steps foot here, that child collected from her (and legally, she's entitled to full custody).

And there was what Pastor Ighodalo's late wife did to her brother's ex-wife. Even with court judgement to the ex-wife, the Ighodalos filed an injunction against it.

Nigeria can be very lawless and it's a shame. Children should NEVER be used as pawns to hurt your spouse.

Don't threaten to withhold them from their Father, don't threaten to take them away from their Mother, pay their school fees.

Mariangeles:
These people keep producing artificial "foods" that poison their system, yet they claim not to know the cause of high rate of cancer.

How can you produce "food" from nothing, and expect people to trust it?
"Cow free butter" indeed!

All these new modified foods and GMO crops are not for the 1%, they're to feed us, the masses. They expect climate change to make growing food harder in the coming decades. So they're not really worried about our health.

For me, my kids have a laptop and 2 tablets. They spend the most time on their laptop. I have downloaded Scratch for them there. Plus, because I run a STEM club, it's easy for them to have access to a lot of material (I'm redoing my Science curriculum for the club and adding Math Manipulatives for teaching my students).

Gadgets are necessary in this Tech era we live in, but how you use them is what is important.

If you're going to give your kids gadgets, give them physical Science, Math and Literacy items as well.

Just know this: the Nigerian curriculum is pretty obsolete (public and private schools) and not cohesive. You've got a lot to do by yourself.

OlujobaSamuel:
I don't get.
Should the school be closed down permanently because a student died, when it's not like it's the school proprietor that commited the act.

A negligent act that leads to death is not enough reason to shutdown a school permanently.

This is a business entity, you don't shut it down anyhow

That's my issue with private schools: they're Nigerian BUSINESSES firstly and academics, staff welfare and safety comes a distant second.

A negligent act by a school resulting in death should warrant a relatively long period of shut down and investigation.


The buck stops at the table of the Principal, there should even have been public apologies, an offer to resign etc. There should even have been a court case and the school being sued and had to pay some heavy fines to the parents, regulatory bodies and more, publicly.

Let it be seen that there is a consequence for actions rather than what happens normally (the case dies, everyone moves on).

How a society treats it's most vulnerable members shows the strength of that society.

We cannot keep complaining about "Nigerian anyhowness" yet refuse to be strict to crack down on it.

OlujobaSamuel:
This is false. Lagos shutdown Chrisland and Dowen.
You don't expect the school to be permanently closed down because of an infraction.
It will only be shutdown for a period to either resolve the infraction or gather the needed evidence, and then let the school continue with her operations.

Infraction is death of 2 students o, not minor infractions.

Especially Chrisland's own, where they initially denied all wrongdoing and blamed the parents by saying she came to school sick, until an autopsy revealed the truth and they immediately threw a teacher and the vendor who owned the stand under the bus. And their primary school had an issue of se.xual abuse of a minor and their initial reply was similar: defence and deflection (accusing the mother of clout-seeking) until a hospital provided evidence and a court jailed their staff.

That warrants a total overhaul of the school. And even when they resume, constant monitoring of the school (just to keep them in check).

Private schools should be scared of govt regulation, instead the big ones act like they cannot be touched.

In the UK, a whole Godounston (a school that has trained European royalty and the 1%) was trashed in a TV show about King Charles there. Before that, a public enquiry had been held and they had been found culpable of allowing school bullying (the type we don't pay attention to here in Boarding schools). See the PR campaign and upheavals they've been doing, to clean up their act.

Ordinary School in Lekki will be acting untouchable.

OlujobaSamuel:
One of the school owners.
When Lagos introduced uniform academic calendar, why you no talk sey you have your own rule as a business owner?
Sue the state if you are not comfortable with it.
Waiting for similar policy in Lagos and Ogun.

Lagos State will struggle to implement this. The private schools are run by people who have connections to State and Federal Govts (it's why schools like Dowen College had a police car parked outside their gates for months, after the Sylvester case and why Chrisland College had a student get electrocuted and weren't shut down or investigated by Ministry of Education).

The publishers don't have as much clout but they make good money in Lagos state. They already act above the law (certain publishers won't sell you quality textbooks if your school is small).

Personally, I would insist all schools with less than 100 students be closed down. Then pump heavy funding and research and updates into Govt Primary schools, because they have the capacity to accept a greater number of students. Easier to keep an eye on them.

cococandy:
Don’t forget to buy scrubs to add some legitimacy to the appearance.

There’s this rise of right wing anti-intellectualism destroying decades of medical research that has been protecting people. Eradicated diseases are making a comeback because of these hacks.

Loads of them spouting anti vaccine propaganda.
Encouraging consumption of raw milk.
Refusing scans when indicated. Leading people to death

Now they’ll make an example of her.

The insanity of what is going on, even in Nigeria. They caught one with his name embroidered on scrubs, claiming to be a Resident on LinkedIn. Meanwhile he had only been attending lectures in UNN, he didn't enter med school. But on LinkedIn, he declared he has published papers.

Another was a full medical Doctor online but a Year 2 dental student in real life.

Facebook and LinkedIn are like the worst sites in Nigeria to believe anything. I like X, because everyone there is a hater, once you talk too much, someone will come and challenge you, others will dig into you and expose you.

It looks like film trick and sounds like a joke until you meet educated people spouting nonsense, ending marriages, making disastrous life choices etc.

What is the difference between them and uneducated people who believed their children were witches because one Prophet said so??

Ibkay32:
Are you a nurse or doctor?

Nope. I have a lot of consultants in my family, so I know about it. I personally am still thinking of Gardisil vaccine and talking and training about sex.x education, for my daughter (she's right now a low-risk tween).

Angelfrost:
Everyone is an expert online...!

It's so annoying, especially on that Instagram.

True story: a lot of psychiatrists are begging people to be careful of "experts" online, because people are diagnosing themselves and their spouses with all sorts of madness and destroying their lives.

You will be having problems with your wife/husband, instead of you to sit down and even at least try talking to marriage counselors in real life, you go to Facebook and start watching videos and reading 5 min articles that "diagnose" your spouse with Narcissism, Mental Abuse, OCD, Bipolar Disorder. Next thing, you've found excuse to divorce that "problematic witch/demonic man".

Something that a trained professional requires multiple sessions to diagnose, IG video and FB has taught you in 20 mins.

I bought mic, ring light and good camera phone and sound knowledgeable doesn't mean anyone should trust me without vetting my advice first.

Is Implanon recommended for teenagers? Because birth control inserted into the upper arm is usually Implanon. It's a long-term BC drug and would require a parent's permission to insert it.

My only worry is long term side effects of Progestin. But I believe it's safer than BC pills.

For the morality of this choice, it is really up to each family and each daughter. Some children respond to talks and will make good choices, others can't (environment, character, peer pressure).

I understand parents wanting to take this route, better to avoid teen pregnancy. But I would think it would be targeted more towards at-risk teenagers (usually low-income girls).

Karleb:
I don't know whether this is from your personal experience but it's interesting how you made it into a man bad, woman good thing.

But it's alright.

Please try and re-read, without bias. Especially where I mention "Errors".

And this is why you should plant a tree in your younger years so that you can sit under its' shade in your later years.

I'm not saying the wife is a saint but if Mama had taken that wife as her daughter all through the marriage, instead of "That Woman Who Is Competing With Me For My Son's Affection!", this would not be an issue.

If my Aunt-in-law is sick, I'm showing up for her. Yes, she has finished me with her mouth behind my back but she has also loved me fiercely to my front (and used her mouth to finish me to my front as well ).

One of the best case scenarios I've ever seen of a Separation that works out was one in which

1. I warned the husband not tell anyone, especially other men, in his office, what he was going through. I made him swear to avoid almost all advice from other men.

People give you advise because either they benefit from scattering your life or because they want to enjoy the drama and show after you have scattered your life or from their own place of spin and hardness of heart. If the advise you get cannot stand the test of the Bible, it's wordly advise and will hurt you in the long run.

2. Both the husband and wife were asked to take advice only from people who had skin in the game. In other words, "If you die, will the person giving you advise step up and train your children? If the answer to that is No, then don't ever take their advice". Because friends can be very destructive in their quest to "help".

3. Keep your Mothers out of it. Both mothers will be defending their children (and their pride) rather than thinking of saving the marriage.

4. Stay away from most Divorce forums. Because you don't know who is miserable and giving you advice based on their own anger and pain, rather than from a place of Love, Forgiveness and Repentance.

5. Don't date. Don't even think of it. If you feel lonely, go and reconcile. Period. If your life wasn't in danger, go back to your spouse. Any relationship you start now will be doomed long-term (I've seen too many Uncles who married a 2nd time to let my sons do it. How many 2nd wives in Polygamous marriages are even happy 15 years later sef?).

6. Face your flaws. Your marriage got into trouble because of YOU and YOUR SPOUSE. Your spouse is not to blame for everything that went wrong, you contributed. You're not a victim, you're a willing participant and you also screwed up. Tell yourself "I messed up big time".

7. Divorce is your last option. Seriously. If your life isn't in danger, divorce is rarely a good decision.

Karleb:
If siting down to talk things out works, a lot of marriages would have been saved.

Siting down and trashing issues only works in theory. A lot of couples need to separate and miss each other.

Christianity isn't against separation, you can be married but not stay with your spouse.

Separation doesn't work most times because it should be done as a controlled experiment: Separation of no longer than 6 months, during that time both spouses work on themselves, either get counselling from marriage counsellors/prayer groups/sensible elders (avoiding both MiLs) and most importantly, NOT DATING ANYONE ELSE.

Reality however means that once the couple separates, the man starts to get bad advice like is usually dished here on NL from his fellow men and promptly moves another woman into his house (Error no. 1). Instead of him to reflect inwardly, he uses pride and ego to justify his actions. Then guilt and shame makes him stop communicating with his kids, which then causes more shame inwardly. To stop feeling all that pain, guilt, shame, he turns to pride and anger.

Reality means the woman is hurt and everyone is blaming her for everything, causing her to feel pride and self-pity, whilst having to shoulder the emotional burden of being a single mum. Then she sees her husband with a new woman. It breaks her heart and everyone tells her "move on with your life". And she does so. Instead of healing, she's too busy trying to survive (Error no.2).

And the kids go from grief and pain to accepting their new reality. Yes, it will have long term consequences on them.

Eventually the dust settles.

The husband has calmed down, he's finally no longer an emotional basket and beginning to feel like his old self.
He realises he's in a relationship with another woman whom on a good day, he would have nothing to do with or he may have even married her (the Other Woman will always be a mistake). But he can't admit it because sensible people in his life warned him yet he refused to listen.
He now starts to be a good father again. His pride is still there so he can't tell his wife he screwed up, he can't face his in-laws and the world. So he hopes his wife will humble herself, so he can "magnanimously forgive" and reconcile (saving face).

The men who have learned their lesson will drop that nonsense and go and humbly beg.

His wife would have built her walls around her. She's learned she can survive without him. The scars may be very deep and she would have been encouraged to enter a new relationship with another man.

And let me be clear: it is easy for a man to date a woman and return to his wife but hard for a woman to date a man and go back to her husband, in Nigeria.

So she sees her ex coming back and she's sad, not because she doesn't love him but because too much has happened and there's no space left in her life for him anymore. And even if she takes him back, everyone is telling her "he's no longer the man you married, he's a beast now, so don't love him anymore". So she lives with him but her heart is locked firmly away (Error no. 3).

And the devil wipes his hands, satisfied with his handwork and moves onto the next couple.

The women who submit to God will drop their walls and humble accept their husbands back.
Because Marriage is 2 imperfect people walking together, hand-in-hand, towards God's final destination.

dollytino4real:
yes o that hardness is from him and it is really affecting me seriously

Poor baby. A hardened heart is no easy thing.

Let's start by fixing you first: let's do the work there and leave him to God. If your man decides he wants to cosplay as Pharoah and remained hardened, well that's up to him and His Maker (and there will be judgement for it).

You ready to work with me?

Oya, please go through all my recent posts. You'll see some advice. It will be hard, but you got God and the Holy Spirit on your side and they've NEVER lost a battle, no sir, not today, not ever.

Confuse20:
I sent this your message to her and she concur with it .. I'm so grateful bro .. You no fall I'm a bit relieved now

ALRIGHTTTT!!!!

That's great news. Oya, save up, buy some drinks, grab 2 Uncles and head to her house. Then few days to a week later, Local Govt for your wedding.

Congratulobia!!!👏👏

May your marriage be long, steady and beautiful in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Omo, bros...I don't even know where to start.

Firstly, you didn't start well.

(UNA SEE WHY I SAY COHABITION IS ALWAYS A BAD IDEA?!!)

Okay, let us try to sort this out.

Her family want to secure her and her future, which is why they're asking for commitment from you, aka Marriage. Not a bad thing.

But abeg, you need to get your mind right: PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO BE COMMITTED TO HER.

Now, once you do that, you have to start thinking of her as your responsibility. So get her to start thinking of herself as your Wife, she must leave her family and cleave unto you. And you MUST cleave unto her. NO MORE BEATING.

Once you get on the same page, sit down with her. You cannot afford a proper wedding right now, but you can afford taking drinks to her family and signifying your intentions. You can afford going to the local govt office with her and marrying her legally. Which is enough in the eyes of Federal Government of Nigeria and the World. So go do those 2. Infact, that is more valid than Traditional wedding and dancing in white gown in church.

After a Court wedding, she's officially your wife. Let her move back home and sit down and both of you plan your finances carefully, abeg no more children for now. Just wait. Plus you need to win her trust and she needs to win yours back, let the marriage be stable first because kids add more chaos.

Be patient, sit her down and calmly explain this. She needs to agree with you.

dollytino4real:
I don tire for my own marriage but folo because no money to rent house is wat is caging me in like tortoise 🐢 inside shell. My own anytime i try to explain to him, that man ego will just scatter the conversation. Money money money money money only 250k

Don't give up, don't let the devil win.

The way you feel, your husband feels the same way. So you both need healing, forgiveness and renewal.

Your heart feels hardened towards him and his heart is hardened towards you, but it doesn't need to be so. Can we please start with just some prayer? Ask God to come inside and give you peace and forgiveness, and to show you your husband's heart the way God sees him. And then at the end of your prayer, speak out " [your husband's name], I love you. I forgive you, please forgive me too". You are not telling him that o, you're speaking it into the spiritual.

When you pray for someone, you stop hating them. And it takes 3 to destroy a marriage, you and your husband and a rascal in hell; but it takes 2 to fix a marriage...and one of those 2 needed to fix it has power over Life and Death and the other person is you .