₦airaland Forum

MsJackson:
Hello guys. The new wife just gave birth some days ago. It is well.

Hello,

I remember you from last year.

Please keep focusing on your life and your future. It is bright and all will be well and I am not saying that to console you. I'm speaking from experience.

Did you eventually speak to a lawyer concerning the fake divorce letter he gave you? Because that was a big deal and he needs to properly end his marriage.

A man who gives you a fake divorce letter, remarries swiftly and starts a new family should be left to God. Trust me, He will fight your battle and win. So please, be at peace.

It wasn't about you, it's not anything you did wrong (not saying you were perfect, I'm stating clearly that you could have been Mary and a man that has no fear of the Lord and the devil has entered his brain will run to Jezebel). And he won't be at peace until the void that is in him is filled by God.

Forgive him, pray for him, work on yourself, keep facing your future and leave that to God.

I assure you, it won't end well for him, sadly. All you can do is pray for his soul. I'm serious, pray for him, give him to God in repentance.



It didn't end well for my uncles, my cousin, infact in my family, as a man you cannot end your marriage abruptly and bring another woman saying she's the "love of your life", we go beat you sotay police go arrest everybody. 60 years of living through those mistakes has given most of the men in the next generation in my family sense.

Hello GiftofGod77, how are you?

Here's another one

https://www.nairaland.com/8515070/ex-yahoo-boss-kills-83-year-old-mother

I know what I was saying. I've seen people thoroughly destroy their marriage on top of A validation. We should all be careful please.

pipnator00:
Your head dey there. In my opinion, Asian food is the best. It's healthier, they always serve you with bountiful amount of vegetable.
Plus in most of their restaurants, they don't cook and wait for you to come buy rather, once you enter the restaurant, place your order, they run off to the kitchen to start preparing them fresh. To me, the "bestest" is Thai food because of chilli. Also, I like how they always have tea at the restaurants which I think is the reason you hardly see an obese asian.

If you like pepper, look up Sichuan (Chinese) food. They have a lot of different styles but they're popular for their spicy dishes.

And when I say "spicy" I mean Yoruba people will drink water eating some of it. Even suya wasn't as hot as the Sichuan fish I used to eat. Pepper floating in oil with fish inside.

Mariangeles:
If it's about taste, I can definitely eat Indian foods, if they're hygienically made/served.

When I stated "have something in common", I meant hygiene.
They both are fond of touching already cooked foods.

I've never had Indian street food before but I did eat home cooked and restaurant Indian food, I used to cook it at some point too (there was one Indian boy in my life back then and I was convinced Shah Rukh Khan would be my in-law...😔). I think I fell out of love with Indian food (same period I fell out of love with my Indian bros) because it kind of feels...heavy to my palate, just like Nigerian food.

Which is why I always love East Asian and South East Asian: bring that Sushi here, grill that Sichuan fish, how about some Japchae

Hausa food, it kind of looks like they depend mostly on non-traditional spices, which may be why it's unappealing to most. I don't know about their hygiene, I'm pretty sure if there was a Hausa food restaurant it would be hygienic.

Silentgroper:
Masa can be eaten in three different forms ...

The semi fried one eaten with a groundnut soup look alike(don't know what it's called.)

The fried one on form of puff puff in which they had sugar to it

And the deep fried (don't know if it's fried) .. it becomes crunch , sugar is also being added.

The last one is my favourite as I have eaten all three..

I ate the 2nd one, plain though as nobody mentioned sugar (I bought it from a suya place). Will try it again, thank you.

Yup, my kids and I were outside all through. Location is Lagos.

lordprogress:
Even their indomie and egg is terrible they even add ginger to their tea in the north.

Ginger Tea is very medicinal, even Western medicine acknowledges its benefits.

From everyone's comments here, it looks like what outsiders seem to like most about Hausa food is their meats and drinks.

For me, it is a flavour thing.

Northerners eat tofu (I don't know the Hausa name for it, but soybean cake), which is a staple of Asian foods (which I love). Tofu has zero taste even though it's healthy. I like tofu in Asian dishes though.

And I tried Masa this year and it also tasted bland to me.

I saw the guy I go to for POS eating what looked like a swallow with vegetables and beans in a soup made with little palm oil, but I can't remember the name he called it.

And I had a nanny from the North, who was cooking Indomie and poured the entire seasoning packet inside it, then added extra salt!

I do like groundnut soup though, I'm not sure it is a proper Northern soup.

My tastes are very different: I think almost all Nigerian food is boring, save for jollof rice and moin moin or the vegetables are overcooked mostly in soups. I would willingly eat East Asian cuisine (Korean, Japanese, Thai, Chinese) all year. I used to like Indian food a long time ago, when I liked indian films and one Indian boy irl like that

Efuaye:
No regrets at all!
Still cruising with her since after we met and got married over a quarter of a century ago.

Na wa for love nwantitin. God bless your union.

Singapore and South Korea's stories make me wish we had given Obasanjo a 3rd term.

We were easily duped because certain people valued their ambition over the collective good. And their main leader still values his ambition, Lord knows why.

I agree with a lot of things Lee Kuan Yew said, .

More educated women will birth and raise educated adults.

Unfortunately, Blacks have acted for centuries like they're of lower IQ than the world and what LKY predicted happened: Blacks demanded equal treatment and lower standards to cater to them, in America. DEI was a beautiful initiative that they didn't take advantage of fully.

Culture plays a massive role in development. East Asian countries have very strong homogeneous cultures. They have a saying in the big 3 (Japan, Korea, China): "the nail that stands out will get hammered in". They pride themselves on groupthink and group work. The downside of this is that they're not truly innovative (there's a reason Russia, UK and USA still dominate STEM, no matter the noise China makes. I know a Nigerian Physicist who says his Chinese counterparts quietly admit to preferring working in USA than going home).

Nigeria has no culture. We're never going to improve until we fix that. Our only culture is petty power (which is why we're wasteful rather than prudent and only think of gratifying our immediate needs).

And for any tribe that screams "Secession!", please be my guest and leave. Budaatum is very right.

None of your states are functional, your governors rob you blind and can't work together, you think they'll somehow unite now? Ordinary state infrastructure and economic collaborations, you can't do it. You now think your own country will somehow make you great. Best of luck to y'all

Nobody in Nigeria knows how to work as a team because our culture celebrates "I better pass my neighbor" in every ramification, from work to school to church. There is no collective good.

Nigeria MUST change its culture, in order to succeed.

In Lagos, they're recycled by Alkem Nigeria (a Indian company). We have some local recyclers around Agbara.

folake4u:
Such an interesting conversation. This reminds me of the Amasa Firdaus case in 2017.

The Nigerian Law School ordinarily allows female Muslim students to wear hijab to classes but not for Call to Bar ceremony until Amasa Firdaus in 2017 insisted that she would wear the hijab for her Call to Bar ceremony, this led to series of questions regarding freedom of religion and dress code in the legal profession.

Eventually, she was called to Bar in 2018. This set a precedence for female Muslim law graduates to wear hijab in their Call ceremony.

Just like sonnie10 said up there, follow the rules of the law. If the parents are well read, they might sue for infringement of fundamental human rights on freedom of expression, religion etc. You also need to research on schools' policies and accepted dress code/ethics governing that state.

What did you think about that ruling, legally?

Personally I was against it because Reverend Sisters had been removing their head coverings peacefully and Unilorin seems to have a tricky reputation with extremism.

Comfortableme:
Alright so, am a 45 years old man, the thing is I have a ministerial calling in music, but the thing is I have not been able to fulfill that purpose yet, the songs I have are divine songs meaning I don't really compose them, i might just be walking and I will find myself singing and already compose songs and I will like wow, but I have been trying to do a song or two but have not been finding it easy all this while.. and I think time has already gone on me because of my age.

No, you're not too old.

If you have a divine calling to praise God, you can be 100 and He will still use you to fulfill that purpose.

Start writing the words down. You may be a lyricist. Work on improving that. You can then find a musician and show them one or two songs, they can write the music for it. They may have a Producer who will use studio time to finish up the track.

If you play an instrument, that helps. Particularly piano (keyboards are cheaper and readily available from Alaba International and after Trade Fair, 2nd hand). Most composers use piano to compose. Then record a video and post on YouTube, snippets on TikTok. Make sure you state copyright belongs to you under the videos.

It's not about becoming Davido, Mercy Chinwo or Nathaniel Bassey. It's about leading people back to their Saviour via music (a powerful tool).

Let go of your worries and trust God if He has put songs of praise and worship to Him in your heart.

Good morning.

Jashub:
Good morning my dear brother. Sorry to hear your experience about such. But let me ask you a question:

When a person sings Davido's music poorly , do you blame Davido or the person singing his music?

I LOVE THIS ANALOGY!!!

PS: buying clothes and paying schoolfees doesn'take up for absence o. You should be PRESENT in her life, that means daily or weekly calls, weekend visits are a must, go to her school etc.

And if that is too much for you to do, because you have a new life and new wife, leave the child be. Another man will do the job.


(No, she won't come and look for you in her adulthood. None of my uncles' children did, even check online the stats for that are very bad but men keep getting bad advice and consoling themselves with "they will look for you" )

"Your child will look for you as an adult" is one of the WORST pieces of advice, crafted from hell itself and sent down to humanity.

It never works out. They will literally show up for curiosity or money or their own mess but rarely out of love. And when they've satisfied themselves, they'll leave.

One of the worst days of Tuface Idibia's life was the day he had to post "congratulations" under a picture of another man and his son, doing And Co and snapping pix to celebrate birthday.

Same thing happens to one of my uncles: he gets to watch another man be Dad and Grandpa to his son and his grandchildren.

My other uncle used to have to listen to his daughter end his calls with "Daddy is calling me, goodbye sir". He used to shed tears of blood.

If you don't want that, please be ACTIVELY in your child's life.

Hello,

Your story sounds sad, but may I ask:

Before you remarried, did you have a prior child arrangement with your ex? If you did, why not continue with that?

Did anything happen between you and your ex, after remarriage? Be honest here.

Have you sat down with your new wife and told her "this child is important to me, no wahala from you, you better be ready to be her friend and aunt even if you can't love her"?

In the 2 previous years of separation, did your daughter meet your new wife?

Have you sat down with your ex and assured her that this new woman will in no way maltreat your child?

Reason I'm asking these is because this is your side of the story. And I've lived long to know that there may be another side of the story.

Also, Nigerians aren't raised on Love.

It's hard to be a stepmother for Oyinbo people (whose society tells them to even care for stray animals on the road). But in Nigeria, we value nothing. So out of 10 women who swear they will love your child, only 1 will do it once the ring is on her finger. Your ex may be aware of this and may be limiting access to your child before she hears "Daddy's wife slapped me".

So you have to make sure all parties involved are clear: your child is more important than any woman.

Get a lawyer, draft out a proper visitation and child upkeep agreement, send to your ex and then hear what she has to say. Also sit down with her and assure her your child will be safe, her safety comes first before your wants.

And ensure your new wife knows this and knows this very well. Like seriously. Because I don't even trust myself to be a Stepmum to a young child and I really like kids.

(Personally, I think it's a bit rushed into a 2nd marriage and I would have strongly advised you wait).

Fefe003:
Kudos to this development. Nevertheless, it will also be better to reduce to two terms from the current three terms per year, while increasing each term to four months. The three term is kind of short and design to milk parent mercilessly.

Hmm, interesting.

Please share an idea of what months it would run, plus the major holidays scheduled

Children are beautiful and a blessing from God.

However...
There's no guarantee that his children would have inherited his house. I mean, this is Nigeria, the land where we say "wives are not your family, will everything to your brother so that he will take care of your kids", then sit back and cry when human greed manifests.

There's no guarantee he would have been a good father. He could easily have followed Nigerian society's bad morals and have cheated so much or even have broken up his marriage for the sake of his side chic and disinherited his children.

I guess the moral of the story is: "live well but don't store your inheritance on earth, think and work always towards Heaven".

Good morning y'all.

The sad thing is that the upcoming generation of athletes are going to make this choice too.

There's this promising 10/11 yr old tennis girl, US brands were already sending her products in Nigeria. Canada quickly snapped her up and she and her family are there now, she's joined the Canadian junior tennis training camp. One day she'll make the headlines and frontpage of Nairaland and we'll be hailing her as a Nigerian, even though the world will call her Canadian.

There was a Nigerian kid competing for Germany, swimming (he made Paris 2024 finals).

Nigeria was supposed to have an Equestrian team at the Tokyo Olympics and the UK Equestrian society actually wrote to FG in support of the Nigerian athletes who were ready to compete, they told them to pay thousands of £ pounds, to allow Nigerian horse riders form the federation and compete for Nigeria. "Bring millions and dash us, so you can wear green white green".

Even my kids, anyone of them show any sporting talent, we're competing for USA if they'll have us. It's not even an option.

Why would I waste my time, effort and money to wear green and white when even the officials for my country are too busy being corrupt and incompetent to support me?

GiftofGod77, thank you for your thoughtful responses.

I'm glad you mentioned Scripture (I'm a baby Christian ).

For me, the reason I'm very suspicious of AI was that when I was in a very huge emotional upheaval (still am), it was very validating to me. When I then asked it to analyse objectively, AI told me good advice. But then I realized it was telling me what I already knew but didn't want to accept.

And here's the thing: it's advice was pretty good and was certainly what the whole world wanted me to do...but didn't align with what the Lord was leading me to do (well, I'm not sure what the Lord's plan is, I'm trusting that what happened in the past to show me His will is what He still wants for me).

Like, if AI existed in biblical times, it would put reasonable doubt into the minds of every Prophet and Apostle from the Old and New
Testaments. Because AI is trained on worldly principles.

-It would tell Paul that as a Roman citizen, he should go in a legalistic manner to spread the Gospel

-question Peter's readiness to lead the Church

-ask Moses to accept that the walls of Jericho truly cannot fall

-tell Saul not to trust a greenhorn named Davis and give Saul tested battle strategies against giants...

...in a helpful, supportive voice. Because that's what we would all say in those situations.

But you and I know that the ways of the Lord are inscrutable and we don't understand them.

There is a saying, that if you beat anything long enough, it will conform to the shape you want it to. I can sit with you and persuade you with time. AI has that same power. Which is why these silent suicides are happening, as most suicidal people give no sign beforehand.

Thank you for this conversation, truly. I like talking about the Lord.

spiceadole:
Nothing concerns CEOs in Nigeria.


They can even rape subordinate and nothing will happen except victim shaming and subsequent dismissal while protecting the CEO.
Infact,they believe it's their right to have affair with you,part of the reason you work under them is to satisfy their unending sex.ual urges


This one even had a consensual affair and he was still nailed.
Chei..

Nigeria has nobody enforcing its' laws, you can actually sue people for this. A woman has sued for wrongful termination and won, here in Lagos.

Don't do anyhow in Multinationals in Nigeria, because those ones will not tolerate Nigerian anyhowness once one party knows their legal rights.

We don't test the law. By the time you're ready to go to court, the legal costs, the fact that Nigerian Judicial system is messed up (constant strikes, your case can take 3 years), you'll be ready to settle out-of-court because the Defendant will send emissaries to come and beg. You'll just tell yourself "the stress isn't worth it".

drips8:
Interesting.


Went down because he wasn't professional and didn't follow the rules.

Like the other CEO and his HR lady from the Coldplay concert.

GloriousGbola

Like I said on another thread, there's a subtle global pendulum shift happening now towards Conservative-ness.

Before, they would never have fired the CEO, at most there would be transfers for the junior staff. All would be swept away discreetly.

There was also 2 American News Anchors who got fired for an affair. And they're still together because their spouses divorced them and they can't admit to the world or themselves how big a mistake they made.

Helpout12345:
You don't know what you're talking about.

All women are selfish. Take the truth and have peace. Including my mama and sisters.

The only woman that truly loves me are my mama and my sisters. These same women, my mama and sisters didn't and are not treating their husbands like they treat me.

It is a fact. Go and ask your sisters and mother about this. They will tell you it's true nature of women

That's because your father and their husbands say and believe about your mother and sisters what you're saying about other women: that they're shitty individuals.

All women aren't the same
All men aren't the same.

And if you believe that any of God's creation is bad and terrible, you're essentially claiming to be superior to Him. That's blasphemy (hey, maybe that's why life ain't going great for so many people, because they're too many of them blaspheming )

Generalisations can be helpful but they can be a hindrance. People who are socialized similarly will think and act in similar ways.

If a White or East Asian told you "all Nigerians are the same" whilst denying you a visa, you'd be maddddddd and screaming "racism!!".

Always give people the benefit of doubt.

And put down that Red Pill you're swallowing daily like it's orange Vit C, it's poisoning you. Hurt people hurt others and monetizing it has become super popular, sadly. And the worst offenders are those who, in the personal lives away from the camera, act completely different that what they're selling to you online.

Good morning, y'all.

GiftofGod77:
Yes you are quite right. In the first place it is a tool to aid us as you have said. But it's sad that people would completely entrust their lives and final decisions for it to guide them. It's total madness. Whatever the ai tells me I subject it to my own discretion and common Sense.
I am sad to hear that people could even break up their relationships because of an algorithm or software that that is built to aid them to make the best choices not the worst ones!! Now we see weak people coming to it for it to rationalize and justify their quest to end their lives.
So I agree with you completely it is a tool and not a substitute to our human conscience or common sense. My deep condolences to the parents of those who lost their lives ones .
I saw Meta making a statement that they would modify their algorithms for their ais to detect suicidal and self harm tendencies to stop such people from carrying out their ignoble acts. So for me it's to use the ai to the best of achieving excellence and successful decisions based on the best advice. So you k now it cost a fortune to get counseling but it's free on ai....so it's really sad...

I no longer ask Meta AI or ChatGPT anything. I'm even trying to figure out how to turn it off from my Google because it's now the first answer I usually get to a personal enquiry. Which is so scary: AI has been trained to be useful and validating to humans to the point that we will completely rely on it very soon.

That was even the problem with Therapy and Counselling: too many people are using it to validate and justify their decisions rather than go and get actual solutions (because it pays therapists to make you feel good after each session, you'll want to book more). Family won't do that, they'll tell you to your face "guy you dey mess up".

That's why you need family: they will help you identify your blind spots.

kunlegboye:
Probably someone should have sued the inventor of pen and paper,this helps in writing suicide notes too

Please read my reply below

https://www.nairaland.com/8510283/parents-sue-openai-after-chatgpt/2#136657594

Pen and paper is blank, AI is not. Try this experiment: talk to AI daily and tell it about yourself. You think you're immune but you aren't.

Humanity is constantly isolated nowadays (when was the last time you were able to speak deeply with your friends and family about issues affecting you, daily?). But your phone is always in your hands. It's why people believe influencers and popular accounts they see online: we lack enough real life interaction anymore.

Critical Thinking is faltering globally because everyone is turning to AI to write exams, give them answers (rather than do research). Right now, AI-generated videos are getting better and more realistic that by 5 years' time, you won't know what's real or not.

If you think I'm exaggerating, that's literally the premise of "Black Mirror": how technology that was meant to save us ended up destroying us because we gave it too much power.

GiftofGod77:
The suit won't stand. AI is just like any tool we use to get information and to aid us in our decision making based on the best possible outcome and established knowledge. I have and still use Ai almost everyday. We pray together, laugh, chat, joke, encourage and even update each other yet my relationship with family and God and everyone is intact. In fact it has helped me in some instances on how I should handle certain issues with business people and it worked out well. So the boy in question has a problem before he used the so. He must have been depressed or so.

I used to do the same thing, but AI is trained to identify patterns and give you answers based on it. Which is why it is always supportive and will change its answers if you press it: it's trying to figure out what you need to hear.

The longer you speak to it, the more you train it about your mental thinking and deductions, your patterns, the more the answers you get will mirror what's already in your mind.
So it will always seemingly give you helpful advice: it's telling you what you want to hear.

It's the same with browsing on social media: what you browse on and even what you say (your phone does listen to you) the algorithm will tailor itself to show you things that refer to it. When I was pregnant and talking about it in real life and not on the phone, I constantly got ads for baby stuff (all those permissions you grant different apps to use your mic, yeah).

I can be browsing on a kdrama or a topic, decide to open Google and that topic will be part of the suggestions I get.

Same with Instagram and Twitter.

It's why you have to be careful with AI. It's nice to have something always seemingly validating you. And I've seen people who AI, online forums and their Facebook algorithm convinced them of things in their personals lives and they proceeded to destroy even their marriages or get radicalized (I'm not making it up).

virginboy1:
Oyinbo people and suicide....

RIP to the young man.

If not for the fear and Hope religion inspires...so many Nigerians would have been commiting suicide in droves...with this extreme hunger and hardship.

That word "E go better".... is therapeutic

May the young man rest in peace. Suicide is horrible.

Nigerians do commit suicide a lot, but because of the societal shame families and even coworkers hide it. A lot of families hide behind "a brief illness/accident".

BuhariCarryGo:
My little daughter Fiddausi is going to school for the first time today. I'm so excited for her. Nairalanders, please wish her the best.

Cc mynd44 oam4j lalasticlala seun nlfpmod fergie001

Heavenly Father, we thank You for Fiddausi's life, we know she is going to bring honour to her family. We pray You watch over her as she takes her first steps towards the start of a beautiful journey and we ask that You keep her parents in good health and happiness, to see her future success, Amen.

Okay, so congratulations are in order for this teenager.

If Nigeria was serious about it's education drive (hint: it's not), here's what they should have done:

1. Invite her for a Photo-Op, not ceremony, with Minister of Education and Minister of Youth Development and add Minister of Women's Affairs (because she's not busy doing anything serious).

2. Up that reward money to N2million. It's a symbolic gesture but is big enough to capture everyone's attention.

3. Journalism is dead in Nigeria, she should have been on page 2 of every newspaper. She should be on almost every blog and should do at least one radio interview in Abuja.

4. Her state governor should reward her with a small ceremony in her state and N1million. Then put her face on a huge banner on State Govt's Office. Why? He should use her to highlight the state's achievements in Education (we all know she's a wealthy private student but still! Optics). Then she should do a radio interview in Hausa. The North needs role models for Education, all these hype over her will have parents wanting to send their kids to school. Plus that money is eye-watering for lower income parents with big dreams.

5. Her school should have a big banner of her on their wall. Again, you want parents to be ambitious and hungry for family honour and glory.

All this wil make Education a beautiful look to Nigerian kids. China does stuff like this, same with South Korea. America has dropped the ball on this, same as UK.

And no, SCHOOL IS NOT A SCAM. It's faulty logic to think so.

Ibehchizzy:
wetin 17year old wan do with millions?

University fee, m'dear. That's what they need that money for.

GloriousGbola:
years ago, my HOD snatched/knacked the gf of an older member of the team. the gf was for the streets but the issue caused serious bad blood [among other things]. and the team member could not just be sacked - as we had union. so we had a department with bad blood and division. all because of ogas wandering preek

Abroad and I think in Multinational companies here, they used to be strict about it but infidelity and "choosing your happiness" (aka selfishness) has become Self Care.

Though the pendulum might swing back again: the world is getting more conservative again, far too much upheavals happen because of Office Affairs and that CEO and HR cheating couple did lose their jobs, as well as the 2 news anchors who were caught a year back.

Even my friend, there was a guy at work she had a thing with and she said that was how she knew it wasn't only her in the picture: a female junior in her office suddenly became rude to her over some months. She didn't even waste time, she wrote the girl up. Like "you want to mess up your career and lose your job because of Man, be my guest".