₦airaland Forum

maclatunji: The older I get the more I feel many marriages fail because people married the best available person and not the kind of person that they actually imagined would suit them. So when that kind of person comes along and the one they married starts to look and feel "jaded" to them, the recipe for marital crisis becomes complete.

Comes along? After marriage? You still looking outside after you chose the best available material?

Choosing the best available material maybe true to an extent for the non adventurous sisters coupled with the biological time ticking but for a guy? He has no reason to complain.

honeric01: Bro you self see am..

Too many educated illiterate boasting up and down with worthless degrees..

Most don't even know what's happening there. They just open their mouths and talk. No one is in support of hamas firing rockets but people should put themselves in the shoes of these people. You are fenced round. You can't travel, you can't have your personal freedom, your lands are been chopped up daily and your families are being killed daily in the disguise of self defense. What would you do?


Gaza is the only known city under massacre were innocent civilians have no safe harbour to run to. All exit points are totally blocked off by the Israelis. Civilians can't stay in their houses and can't run to another country to escape the siege.

So please ask this people where is their humanity?

Nobody needs to tell the Israelis their tactics is naive. You only build more hate and more palestinians to have the penchance for throwing rocket. I guess the 649 people who have died have families and friends and i don't expect their families to forget this in a hurry. If an MP in UK can think this way what do you expect of people who see the daily massacre of their people. And guess what the cycle continues.

A British lawmaker
says he would fire rockets into
Israel if he lived in the besieged
Gaza Strip, which has faced a
deadly Israeli offensive for over
two weeks. “The big question is –
if I lived in Gaza would I fire a
rocket? – probably yes,” Liberal
Democrat member of parliament

http://www.news247.com.ng/news/id-fire-rockets-at-israel-if-i-lived-in-gaza-british-mp

honeric01: Seems you are just not worth the time which i know you are praying not to get, you don't want to engage in what's likely to expose your folly.

No amount of "degrading words" from you can change the fact that you are ignorant of what you are commenting on, if you can't summarize the genesis of the conflict, then you are not worth the time.

Enjoy your folly.

You should have learnt not to talk to mad men. Having a discussion with them is more like shouting with a psychotic tout in AJ. I guess the UN human rights commission are also muslims and hamas sympathisers if we are to base things according to what these dolts believe.

http://m.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-28437626

You wonder why the country is a Shit hole. They are up there. No simple sense of reasoning and analysis. They can't see things beyond their myopic religious and tribal views. Even if you disagree with a position at least be able to argue your points with facts. I am not suprised however. How do you give what you don't have?

chidimarc: Pls who can help me with a solid state disk(SSD) my hp compaq 2510p. I need it urgently biko

Kobian Computers Ltd
No.4 Olorunnibe Street,
Wemabod Estate, Ikeja, Lagos,
Nigeria.
Tel : + (234) 7084527242
. Call before going or you might take it to redengton at Afrik building, Isolo. There's an Hp centre there.

.

honeric01: See ignorant comments everywhere.. gosh! it seems I am a citizen of a country where her people are just too ignorant and brainwashed at the same time.
And some of you please use Google once in a while to know what you are about to comment on?

I cover my eyes in shame and cringe at the ignorance shown most times when you see the average Nigerian you expect should have a tiny bit of intelligence talks.

It's not even the ignorance that irks one but the confidence behind it. And i can see it all over again here. I won't be surprised if you put up a world map on here and ask them to point to Israel and none of the so called "supporters" can point to it.

deols: Bnty is d best..lol

Thank God that you have been restored back to default settings. Go and sin no more.

pickabeau1:

I enjoyed your post though..

ah! Ok o. Thanks.

But do you agree with it?

And since you have identified the rebuilding process would work more effectively. What steps have you taken to at least get something running now?

Safari29: Angeldemivida
am fine. Am trying to rebuild the k you guys
but I still have problems with myself. like am a muslim am supposed to be fasting but I don't because I don't seem to believe in God .

Remember what the Prophet said. During all times we shouldn't always look up at people who are better than us, we should also look down at the ladder and see people who we are far better than. This would make us reflect about life and not feel self pity but work hard at pulling out of problems when faced with one.

Don't expect things to magically disappear overnight. It never works that way, you need constant and continous work to reach the destination you are aiming for. Just see this as a little setback that you need to overcome. Yeah we might feel defiant and want to rebel against God but sit down and see if there's any wisdom in that.


There are people who have far worse situations than yours but still give thanks and hope for the better. That should ginger you to endure this and work better and harder to make things work out the way you want. I know you might think , oh it's a feel good talk. Yeah it is. We can only sometimes help each other out with words and encouragement out of the deepest depths when problem strikes, truth is the biggest part of the work has to be done by you.

May He make it easy for you. Amin.

pickabeau1: I thought he may have been flowing along your lines... i asked him twice pointedly but his responses were not coherent

Thats why i think the thread was just for traffic

I guess. But If he allowed me type all that and this was all just for the traffic and fight then he should know those old witches from his village are in on his case by now.

pickabeau1: choi.. onegig. see analysis

I was just trying to help the op and others who come out here with same thoughts na. Even ladies can benefit or even enlighten him. Not everything should lead to a gender e-war.


Seperate emotions and you can think straight. That's the fundamental rule.

The op's brain can't comprehend this simple information.

Kanwulia: Na real Kannolia.
Canoli ni!

I bet that's the new id series we will be seeing when you get in trouble with this one.

He has given you inspiration.

dagentility

I don't think i am in the best position to advice here but i believe in any situation. You just need to take a step back to access things.

I would advise you break away from that "environment" temporarily and see things logically. Is it ever worth your cry? Is that thing that is making you go through this worth the stress? Are you doing yourself any good by sticking somewhere that brings you no joy?

Just picture him having fun while you are here soaking it up, crying and making yourself misreable.

I guess it can be hard but please your personal happiness is more important than any other thing. Just stick around. People with more experience in matters of the heart would be here to help you out soon. Just don't do anything drastic please. Don't stay indoors alone. Find time to go visit friends or do something that takes it off your mind. It can be a short walk and don't listen to those love music. It would just keep reminding you of your hurt.

If he doesn't care, we here care about your happiness. Take care and be strong.

Sissie: either polygyny or monogamy when divorce occurs the best than can be done is to pay the wife or husband, in most societies, A man/woman cant be forced by any law, religion or society to stay married to a woman/man if she/he really desperately want out. now is that a better option?

We do not leave in an ideal/perfect world, the sooner we realise this the better.

I understand your point but you don't get mine. This is not about divorce or no divorce.


Lets say Mr A has 4 wives already, he now has that desire to marry one more extra but the number permissible is 4. To be able to achieve his aim he uses the substitution method. Divorce one add a new one.

Here, it's not a classical case of disagreements and irreconciliable differences that is why there's a need for divorce but this time it is pure lust.

Is the act of the man just and valid as regards the Islamic ruling on marriage?

My Answer: This is invalid. You can't just divorce someone for any flimsy excuse and we all know now that the permissibility of polygyny here is not to "test new waters".

So If you were the woman affected, is payment of money to you just? Do you see that as equitable justice? I want a personal answer.

2. the question is do you think is divorced wives felt an injustice or also wanted out of the marriage?, what makes you think they are poor and illiterates? he probably settled them generously and they were ok with it.

@bolded this can't be the case because in the north the stigmatization of divorcees is low, its actually easier for women in the north to leave their marriages, have the support of their family and remarry than in the south.

I understand your penchant for defending the North madam. Lol.

However, all i said there was "might" or maybe i edit it and include might in it. No one is sure why they haven't pursued justice. It might be that they don't even know that an injustice has been done to them. So why even bother.


Aside that. Please in all sincerity. Do you think paying them or "settling" them in the light of the circumstances leading to their divorce just? Lets leave the difference in North and south out. Would you personally accept you get married to a guy and after years he decides to marry someone nubile based on his lustful desires and because you are "surplus" to needs (i.e 4 wives) accept payment of "money" to you as justice? Forget pre nups. We have established that instituting that he can't marry more than one in pre nups is invalid as you can't make what's halal haram for him through an agreement.

pickabeau1: this is a nice thread and i have learning a lot from it

Can i ask two questions

Is there a sharia court in the southern part of the country

also why has yerima's divorced wives not taken him to sharia court as he seems to be twisting a part of the holy book

There are. To the best of my knowledge. Kwara has one. It's in the constitution of the federal republic of Nigeria. It's only left for individual states to duplicate it and domesticate things but you should know how that pans out na and the propaganda and hate speech some intolerant people would raise..

2. Same reason most abused wives or women in general in our society don't seek justice. They MIGHT be poor, dependent and badly underleveraged. Most MIGHT even be illiterates and MAY not even know what their rights are. Shey it is what you know as your right that you would fight for.


There's also the social stigma that accompanies such publicity in some places. Women in this clime(south) do not have a grip on that yet.


These problems mirrors what happens in the society at large. How many battered women have gone to courts to seek redress even amongst the highly educated ones? Your guess is as good as mine. Zero!


Notice the word MIGHT. Not sure. Just gave you possible course of actions.

Edited.

exactly my point. so why outlaw polygyny?

No one wants it outlawed. Just a realignment of things to state it in the clearest terms for what it is. I.e

1. It carries a weighty clause which is very hard if not impossible to fulfil.

2. It's not an option for men to satisfy their desires and it's not expressly permissible..... Go check the QURAN. When God mentions polygyny, check the next verse and you would see orphans and widows which shows this is targeted at correcting a social problem and not creating new ones and must only be indulged in at great discretion.

3. If the above facts holds true and divorce must happen. Then the intent must be justifiable before it is granted. You can't just divorce because you want to for the sake of it. There must be a reason and since polygyny can't be used as an "excuse to test other waters". It can not be used as a justification for wanting a divorce. Cest fini.

Make this known to men and you would see how things would change. A society lives to protect its members and the sharia system can always accommodate such rules as long as they don't run contrary to God's injunctions to protect the women from problems and injustices arising from coerced inclusion in a polygamous setting and also protect the men from the pains of the hearafter due to this injustice.


... But who would listen when majority of the people are bent on suiting and using such injunctions for their personal gains?

I have to get to bed. Una don dey make me type epistle . Whew!!! Salam.

aalymah: Yea,well sed broda!d truth is dat ISLAM is PERFECT buh we muslims aint...some men r sooooo selfish n self centred, dey ONLY hammer on tins dt favor them...am sure dey won't lik d part of marryin aged widows as d prophet(SAW) did,buh dey wil beat their chests 100tyms wn it coms 2marryin young girls afta their wives...their motives of marryin is usually 4 their selfish & lustful desires!!!
Dats y a woman shld just do her own part & leave d rest 4 Allah(d most Just,all seer& al knower)

A woman should never just leave things. Most of what happens is because we have fewer women in the know.

Why is the world the way it is? It's because the women/mothers went to sleep and for muslims this even portends much more crisis as "some" people have used all their available means to relegate the women to the background.

Now we have succeeded in annihilating half of the ummah i.e the females who are the most important fabric of any society to second class citizens not by the wish and instructions of God but the personal gain and upside down interpretation of some.

The first word God related to the Prophet was "read". He never said "men read" but what do we have now. Women are not only not to be seen but never heard also. Some believe they should not be educated and bring the most silliest excuses you can ever find.

But we tend to forget the basic fact. That with education i.e knowledge comes wisdom. Which means the mothers who are the first and continous teachers of the muslim child is an illiterate and lacks the capacity to impact any useful knowledge to them. So tell me. Can you ever give what you don't have?

Please read and understand what the religion says. Not what an alfa somewhere interprets it to be. It's enjoined on you to read yourself and know what's right..

If you don't know what your rights are, how then can you actually fight for them?

If you don't know what the Right things are , how do you teach you male children to grow up and be respecters of women just like the Prophet was? The family is the basic unit of any society. If most families get it right, then we would have better and just men in future.

^^^^ That's why we have the Sharia courts to abdicate in such cases. It's now left for parties involved to take such cases there and abide by the justice dispensed.

Divorces would happen. People would disagree, fight and go seperate ways. The courts are there. They aren't perfect but would subject each case to the highest level of integrity. Expecting a Utopian religious system is what is impossible.

Deols...about the equity of a thing. This verse sums it up.
"on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings
about through it a great deal
of good. (The Noble Quran,
4:19)"


Note the word equity.


As for the hadiths listed. I am still reading your hadiths and trying to get the best possible direct answers to them. However when ever i see a contentious hadith. All i do is go back to the QURAN and see if its position corresponds with what the Hadith says.
The QURAN is the last authority and when you look at most of this contentious hadiths and they seem illogical or maybe their interpretation, word used run contrary to what the QURAN says. It's in the best interest to discard such Hadiths and follow what's in the Holy Book.

tbaba1234: We should probably start looking for 60 year olds to marry.

Yes o. So we can be Prophetlike in all actions. I guess Yerima should hear this. He wants to follow the footsteps. He should probably find a 60 year old and marry to balance the equation.

deols: Youvare missing the point I was making. We all know that the sunnah we talk about arent in advancements but the socio-religious and political life.

But If I will use ur analogy, then we may as well throw out every aspect of his sunnah and do what the 'world' is into now.

Give examples... Marriage to Aisha at that age can't be termed Sunnah.

Marriage on its own was an obligatory aspect entrusted on all Muslims who are capable. The only rule there was marrying someone who has "balaga" i.e matured. Question we should ask is was she matured? Age is a relative thing coupled with the poor date keeping skills back then. You can't use age(numbers) to judge maturity. It's impossible. You should know better.

Also i can't wrap my head around how an obligatory thing became a Sunnah also.

Shouldn't those trying to cover this as Sunnah not follow it up to the hilt and marry a widow aged 60 or so based on some sources just like the Prophet did with Sawuda (AS) so that they can complete and follow exactly what he did.

So can you see their fallacies? Man is the problem not the rules.

deols: But there is nothing in Islam that points to a geographical variation.

What I am saying is, someone who wants to follow the prophet as the best of examples will do everything that he did, irrespective of the consequences.

The Prophet(SAW) did go to the open fields to empty their bowels back then. No toilet facilities existed that was their toilets.


Wouldn't it be nice i also follow the Prophet's ways and go to Oshodi under bridge to do "it" because the Prophet did same during their time. There's no geographical difference in this also.

The Prophet rode an Horse to Mecca for Hajj during his time. Why aren't Muslims climbing Horses to Hajj cause that's exactly what the Prophet did?


They wrote with sticks on scrolls back then, you should also ditch writing verses or reading them from you tablet because he never used that.


Deols.. When they said Islam was for yesterday, today and tomorrow. It meant the basic religious laws plus common sense. Also there's no emphasis on the medium or the asthetics. The act here is the main issue not the medium as long as the medium used is "halal".

Can you see the comparative differences? You can't stick to the past and their ways. Girls aged 9 as at then must have attained puberty, matured and be able to give birth without complications. We can't say same for girls of nowadays. Anyone who indulges in such at this age is a pedophile and should be behind bars. No two ways. I can't say what would happen in the next 1000 years. Maybe the body anatomy of humans might have changed to warrant such but at present there's simply no justification and anyone who indulges in such is not following the path of the Prophet but his own perverted desires.

anitank: I didn't say that but suit yourself if that's what you think

It's a question. You can clearly see the punctuations there i guess.

You clarify your position.

And yes I meant each and
every one of them struggling
to achieve their set goals and
dreams

Just like the man in here struggled to achieve his "goals" and dreams? It's a question. Just curious about your prayers. Maybe i say a big amen to it or not.

ChynoBEATS: Mxcheew... Those peep's there can't handle samsung stuffz jor... I've gone there over n over again ...buh still it's to no avail....

You may have to order it from overseas yourself. You can expect them to stock up accessories for a system which is not made and sold in the Nigerian market.

Aliexpress is your sure bet.

anitank: Dear Money, because all the ethnic groups in Nigeria have said that it's only the IGBOS that love you so much, we agree! So please rise now and visit every Igbo person struggling around the globe in dollars($), pounds(£) and euros(€).......amen!!




*runs away!*

"Struggling?"

Even if illicit?

ammyluv2002: Honestly, she's really annoying! Pot calling kettle black. ...when she was the minister of education, she did nothing.

All your whole life as a Nigerian, what have you done for the average man than sit your lazy a.s.s and criticise?

At least she's known for due process and bringbackourgirls campaign. What are you known for?

Post withdrawn.

Very balanced article. Most men especially Nigerian men are confused babies. They want the other to be an open book while they keep a blind one to do as they wish.

If different rules apply to people based on their gender in a relationship then i don't think that's a relationship; more like a master and slave thing. That's why you see most of them scurrying away from women who can assert themselves. Running with their tails in between their legs like cowards and making excuses like she's so stubborn, arrogant bla bla bla.


They want to judge the other but don't want to be judged. They want accountability but won't apply same ideals to their own dealings with their partner.

Although we are seeing a new breed of men though still in the minority who believe men and women are equal but they just have differing roles and characteristics and same rules must apply to both parties at all times. That's what you call a MAN not the excuse of men we majorly have now.

LogoDWhiz: Please help..

I tried transferring some videos from my phone unto another flash using Year Copy. I was actually 'cutting' the files..

But unfortunately, teracopy developed a bug.
And I had to cancel d process, but by cancelling d process my files were actually deleted..

Please, how can I recover these files?

Get recuva and use it to scan your flash. That's your best bet for now.