₦airaland Forum

You've got YIM? If yes, then lets chat, privately. I will tell you a lot of things about myself too.

I know Seun will ban me now. But I will bare my mind, I don't care.

ALHERI, has made a very SOLID point.

alheri:
It all started after they got married and he found out she wasnt a virgin.

And that should teach many others a lesson. You see how that woman turned the husband to a panel beater

This gentleman pilot should have just left the woman alone. Beating is surely not the best option. Leave her and her life full of lies.

I think nawah is hiding something from us. All the blames cannot go to the former husband.

Rosby:
Ono,
Although, the question you asked is a very personal one but I will give you an answer. I found no love (peace and happiness) so i retrieved.

E be like say you be Isoko/Igbo lady. Welcome to Nairaland. But, erm, wetin be retrieved, na divorce?? abeg that one na Queens English o. You fit break am down for me.

Don't mind my pidgin o. Na Warri make me be like that.

But blacknight, which one be your own too? This is Rosby's first posting and you're already on fire for the lady.
Na una type dey carry beat women for house so. Make you take time o. Me I don marry, express don leave you behind. You think say na play play we come do for here. Carry ya playboy pattern go Romance section o o!!


So, abeg Rosby, what happened to your husband jare?

Well, capital NO. Ok, thanks for the reply.

Now, my people, it beats me that there are people who can be heartless in our societies, men and women alike. @nawah, two wrongs does not make a right, y'know. I'll leave this matter to rest now. Let God take control. He knows I've done His bidding on this.

Peace.

So, Rosby, what happened to your daughter's dad?

@mamaput, actually, my Pa was a police officer. No be small thing o, I spent a bit of my childhood days in the barracks.

@ Nawah, I'm collating facts about you. Remember the divorce thread?

I'm not stalking you. But I've been reading your entries on so many family issues. I will draw a line later.

No harm intended. Cheers.

@IAH, you were married to several men in Nigeria, in the past??


Gosh!! dablessed, you're a bomb waiting to explode. You're so so so pretty.

Surely I will. But I'll do a lot of homework on the lady in question, before dabbling into a relationship with her. And I'll surely love her and her children alike.

But one thing though: The lady must be a real single parent, she must be a widow. And I must find her really attractive at her age.

Folks, I'm just trying to see how I can merge this topic with the one that talks about men beating their wifes.

This life's truly weird. Only God can make it normal.

demmy:
@owo
I don't think you need national character to lay gas facilities throughout the federation or else how would other parts of the country peruse LNG in future. Unless there is something I'm missing here of course so do point an appropriate books' title.

I agree I don't. I do know however that the reason the Northern oligarch has held on to power (until now) for so long and eventually destroyed the true federalism we started out with at independent was with tacit agreement of the south-south voters. Tell me when did the south-south (until last election) voted along with the rest of the southerners to dislodge this destructive oligarch? At independence all the regions got back all the revenue derived from their regions. At that time Eastern region was actually posting better economic returns than the rest of the regions due to oil, returns it eventually squandered on futile secessionist adventure. In 1974-75 after the federal government had reduced the derivation to 45% Rivers and Mid-west states were allocated 241 million naira (even though they both had a combined population of 4.1 million) compared with 104 million naira to the four remaining regions (with combined population of 30.2 million), this progressive reduction continued until the second republic of Shagari (who was over-whelmingly voted for by the minorities in Niger Delta) when it was ultimately taken away. The south-south's fear of domination from the major ethnics in the south made them aligned themselves politically with the conservative retrogressive North and the present is the result of that choice.

C'mon demmy, we both know that the votes of the minorty are never really counted. It's always drowned by those of other regions in the country

nawah:
Ono, my question to you . Is it right to leave a man who has been so good to me to go back to an ex after 10 yyears

Surely, nawah, you are my sister. And I must confess I respect you and your views. God will help us all. It is not easy. Yourself and 2Cantango are loved. May the Peace of the Lord from above rest on you both and comfort you.

You have YIM? Then we can chat on this. I'm glad to know you've already forgiven your parents. Do you still visit them? Peace be unto your home.

I want to ask you one question: Would you like to go back to your ex,? Only YES or NO answers, please. No story and excuses. Marriage is a serious matter that must be faced squarely and sincerely. Do you believe in the power of forgiveness?? You once said you were rushed into your former marriage. I think something is still been hidden from all. If you want it discussed in private, then let's chat on YIM.

Peace.

Those of us who believe that there's always a way out of the woods(a reasonable way) in every situation are amongst the happiest people on this planet. You're welcome to join us.

I honestly marvel at the way Seun reacts to peoples opinion on this site. It's OK. He's just a young chap. Maybe it has something to do with his temperament. No problem.

@Nawah, I'm so glad to know you've been communicating with this man. I thought the man wasn't approachable from the way you first described him. God is great!! And to know you've forgiven him too, now, isn't that wonderful?? Now, c'mon, surely you are a sweet lady. Oh how I wish you can just go back to him. I know he'll accept you. When you forgive, you should forget as well. I know it's hard, but it's the best way my dear sister.

Now, I want you to also forgive your parents. You're wiser now. Don't let them live with regrets from maltreating you from your childhood days.

Let us love one another. We can make the world a better place through love. Peace.

I will send you a PM from my walla account. So sad, this type of mail from a site admin?

nawah:
I should stay away from the one man that really loves me and showed me what it means to be loved and appreciated as a woman?

I am a burnt child you know. I was neglected very often by my parents, emotionally and financially. My father was a very aggressive man and i got a lot of bashings from him right up to when I was married. That is probably what drove me so fast into that marriage.

Anyway Ono sorry to disapoint you but since no party involved is a christian I guess I can stay where am at.

So, nawah, does your religion support divorce? And I do not know what you mean by being your being burnt at your childhood

Well, I will like to invite you to a way of life that's completely founded on the love for mankind by Jesus Christ. He knows our sorrows, he holds us in his palms, he cares and he feels every pains we're passing through at the moment. He will come and save you.

@Nawah,
I expected you should have calmly called this other woman to order (prayerfully). You see, you shouldn't have divorced that man at all. That woman was among the source of your predicament in your family. And that's glaring for all to see. When you have a problem with your husband, you've got to settle it with this man alone. No third parties. No parents telling you what to do. Nobody. Just yourself and your husband. Third parties, often times, make matters worse. They will tell you what you want to hear, because you're not in a good mood.

I told my wife, I dislike women who can't stand up to their men. You've got to stand up to him. How? When he beats you up, you leave the house for him. Don't tell him your whereabout, so he could locate you. Don't divorce him yet. While you're away, do not develop hatred for him. For Gods sake, he's your huband, the man you vowed to love and cherish all your life. Pray for him, that's why you're a christian. In times of tribulations, run to the Lord for refuge, or don't you know how to do that?

Tell this present huband, you've got a restitution to make. And go back to your husband. He needs you. And if you can't go back, then stay away from any other man until your husband dies. Then the new man can come and ask your hand in marriage - yes, that's from the Bible, not me.

My brother Kasali,
I no say make man dey beat woman. In fact if you read all my entries on divorce and this beating of a thing, me I no like am at all, at all. I even stated in one of my entries that it's better to stay away from a tongue-lashing and abusive woman. Stay away from her until she's her normal self. All that should make you understand that I'm not in support of men beating their wifes or men beating women.

You have a kind of balanced view on this one. Thank you.

On this marriage to an abusive woman, abeg, the thing pass me o. You need to visit the Divorce question and make an entry there.

Up JOGS!

topea:
Now we have all focussed on women s being the victim of matrimonial oppression. But we also have men who are terribly abused, humuliated and brutalised. Women who are so troublesome that they can slap you in the presence of your driver, domestic staff, friends or anyone whomsoever. Ironically the men that marry such women are usually the soft ones who cannot beat or shout or anything of such. What then is the way out? Second wife? Drinking? Divorce? Sleeping out?
In as much as i agree that women are the weaker party in this case, men also have their own share of matrimonial discord and brutality.

They don't know, my brother. We need to tell them.


There are two cases I know of in the US. Two popular gospel artiste (I will not mention their names, indeed they are household names all over the world) divorced their husbands, and married other women's husbands. They took their kids with them, and left their husbands completely devastated.

Well let me simplify it this way for you.


Go and get married.

Sorry o, but that man is not your husband. Don't call him that. There can be only one husband. The first and only husband. And he ceases to be your husband when he dies.

I meant no harm o. It's just my view, as I see it.

Seun, remember I attended Ijebu Grams. My Principal then, Mr Oluwole Kujore was the Principal of Mayflower School, Ikenne. IOGS is a boys only school. All through my JSS years, I received one beating or the other for some lousy offence from the senior boys. So, when I got to SS1, I thought I'll begin to do same to junior boys.

But, Mr. Kujore changed our orientation completely. It became an offence for anyone no matter how high or low in the school to beat anyone. Beating became the exclusive rights of teachers. Our Principal told us that it's only animals that men should beat. Not their fellow humans. All through my SSS years, I cannot remember any occasion where I beat up any junior boy.

I am happily married for your information, and I have told my wife that there's nothing she will do in this world that will make me raise my hands against her. I'm fortunate to have married a woman who knows and understands me.

I have lived in areas where the words from some women are really so nasty that the men just cannot bear to control themselves. They resort to beating up the woman.

At a stage, there was this woman who told my mum that: Is it not ordinary beating the husband will do to her, she will go ahead and do what displeases the man, she will put too much salt in his food, etc etc. Some women can be devilish, I know.

Seun, just wait until you're married. OK. Until then I will not take your views seriously, just like I did not for Rhoddy.

nawah:
Certainly divorce should be the last option and indeed only used as a last option, but it has to remain an option.
It has always been and would always be.
Ono I really thank God, that your Uncle has turned a new leaf, but many stories do not end that way.
Do you know that a woman can be in a desperate situation that she would rather prefer suicide if she had no other way out.

Well, if divorce should be the last option, my Bible tells me the other party must not re-marry until the first partner dies. So if you marry after divorcing your first spouse, know that you have sinned against your body/soul/spirit and most significantly, against God.

In fact such people who divorce and re-marry are referred to as adulterers

Some women actually beat their husbands daily. How? They don't slap or punch them like sacks or puch bags, but they say the vilest of words to their husbands that sometimes the man may decide to commit suicide.

Some women have used their mouths to beat their husbands to the point where the man decides to quit coming home again.

In as much as I detest men beating their women, I think such case should be thoroughly investigated to know who fired the first missile, and why the man had to condescend so low as to beating up the woman! That's my view on this.

My uncle once told me that he used to be violent. His wife used to be his punch bag. He beats up his wife so much there's been instances where he thought he had killed her. He told me he was surprised this woman stayed with him up till as I write now. In fact my uncles case was very much like 2Cs husband. He comes home with women, and have sex with then on his matrimonial bed! right in front of his wife!! A lot of her friends used to tell her to divorce my uncle. They will ask her what it is she sees in this man that is not in any other man.

But you know what? She tells them that she loves this man, and have high hopes that he will change to who she wants someday.

According to him, he had prayed in his childhood days to God to lead him to a woman who will be by him all through his life. He's 68 years old now. And his wife had been with him all through 36 years now.

He told me he always thank God for giving him this woman who loves and understand him. He said he did all that beating and cheating when he did not know Christ, and was really sorry about it. When he gave his life to Christ in 1982, he turned a completely new man. The wife had lived under such terrible conditions that when he turned a new leaf, she could only raise her hands in praise to the almighty God.

Oh! I speak in parables a lot.

If it means staying away for as long as 15 years, like my Aunt did in Lagos, but still bears her husbands name, just to keep the marriage, then so be it in my case. They even have five lovely kids. Three of them presently in the University. And she celebrated her 40th birthday last two years.

If your spouse suddeny turned violent, stay away from him. He's ill and needs your help and prayers. But do not divorce him. While you're away, take time to fast and pray for your spouse. You will one day see him knocking at your door, like the prodigal. Like it was in my Aunt's case. Yes, her husband came back. And they are living happily now.

We have to learn to forgive one another in love. Love ''heals'' the broken hearted.



Oh! 2C, tis so sad in your case. But think about this:

Christ left his heavenly abode to come down to earth and die for our sins. You know how hard he was beaten by the Roman soldiers. They beat him so hard he could hardly walk. Yet they made him carry the cross. That cross was our sins he bore. And on the cross he prayed to God to forgive us our sins, for we do not know what we did to him.

Now, as christians, Christ should be our examples in all things. I don't know why I feel this way, but I believe your husband will return to you one day and plead with you to forgive him. But I want you to pray for him so much.

One question for you, though: Do you think your love for this man can be rekindled? Would you want him to come back a changed man, who will want to love and cherish you and his son?. Besides, are you married to someone else now?

I have seen the vilest of men changed to pastors and men of God. I have seen drunkards turning completely to Christ receiving the grace to live a completely new life. Your case cannot be different. God can transform that man, and bring him back. I just want to know if you still have any feeling for the man.

NLanders, let us all try and use this medium to mend broken homes. Let us rebuild instead of pulling down. There's more joy in building rather than destroying. Let us encourage 2C to pray for her husbands return.

Peace.

Well, I'm ready to hurt myself, to please my wife. So long as the 'hurting' will make me keep the love, peace and unity in my home and also keep Gods commandment.

I'm for: Once you're married, you remain married till death parts you and your spouse, and nothing else. If that death will be through him/her maltreating me, then so be it. That is why I will marry someone who loves me and I love her in return for who/what she is. And I will stand by her through thick and thin. Let it be said that ''the wife killed him'' in my case, rather than ''he divorced his wife''. I will not share my body/ soul/spirit with another woman as long as my wife is alive. And I know she will/cannot not kill me. And God will help me today to stand by my words.

Your two eyes were wide open when you vowed to love and keep your spouse in sickness and in health. Have you ever given that sickness and in health clause a thought? That clause means even when he/she's sick mentally and otherwise (like he starts beating you and all that), you'll have to stand by him/her until death parts you.

With men, these things are awful, and impossible. But with God, all things are possible.

nawah:
It is really sad that people believe that a woman gets beaten because she deserves it.

Sometimes the men gets beaten too o o o!!! I have seen this too. Sometimes, some words from women can be so deadly compared to ordinary raising of hand to slap or beat someone. Husbands know what I mean.

2cantango:
I'm sorry, did I miss the moment when you were appointed as God? You do not know me, you are not in the position to be making this comment. I am not on this earth to gain your approval, and it is not for you to be so judgemental of those around you. It's easy to be the one who roams the earth placing judgements on others and portraying yourself to be so pure and holy. True depth of character is revealed when your brave enough and sure enough of yourself as a Christian, to lay bare the skeletons in your closet, regardless of the outcome. God knows the secrets in your closet, even if we don't, it might be nice for you to keep this in mind.

Goodness 2cantango!! I do not derive any pleasure in seeing you beaten up by your former? husband. I hate husbands who beat their wifes(although, there's more to this beating thing than meets the eyes o o!!). I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please accept my sympathy.

I'm for your well being as other people in here. Am no God; far be it from me that I should take the position of my Lord and saviour.

Marriage is not a business venture as someone claims. It's not in anyway a business venture. The Devil has over the years, in centuries gone by, done a lot of harm to the marriage institution as founded by God Himself. I don't have much time now. But I will like to chat privately with you, if you don't mind, later today. Peace.

If you love yourself and your son, so much, then please pray for the peaceful return of his father and your husband. Nothing is too hard for God to do. He will come and save you and your family. He will bring that needed peace and love, the healing balm into your home. And you'd be happy once again. Surely you're not very happy having to handle your son all by yourself. You need the boy's father around too. It's not a normal man that will derive pleasure in beating his son. Pray for him. He needs a touch from God. You will see him change once again to that man you vowed to love till death do you part in the beginning

Are you willing to[b] submit all to the Lord[/b]? Are you willing to let go of your pride (to both man and God)? and submit to God to handle the situation? Are you willing to forgive him for all the wrongs? and smile, that charming smile that made him fall completely for you from the start?  Play your part and let go, then let God handle this matter. He will see you through it.

Well, then just watchout, so that you won't fall for the wrong man. There are indeed a lot of terrible men and women out there that sometimes young adults seldom think about marriage.

But Rhoddy, you'd better start praying to God about your husband now. At least, you're not too young for that. Tell Him to lead you to the man perfect for you. And for Him to give you the grace to accept this man for who he is, when the time comes. And that you should not be carried away about the cares of this life to the extent that you refuse to heed God call/instruction when the day to decide for your man comes.

And of course, these applies to you, if you're a christian.

Hi Rhoda, hope you're having a good time out there. You know, some how you're right. Women generally have a funny way of falling in love. It's OK. But Rhoda, you're not married. And I think your views will not be taken seriously by me.

And 2cantago, I'm not generalising this position of mine here. It could go the other way round. Like, for instance, a woman starts misbehaving in the house, starts committing adultery, maybe because she's not getting the much needed attention from the man; or she suddenly turned abusive and violent.

To the best of my knowledge, the first point of blame should go to the spouse (husband or wife) before any other person, for any shortcoming in any relationship.

The type of people a spouse relates with also matters. Is the husband the type that likes night parties, clubs, drinking etc etc? Is that the place you met your spouse and you both decides to start a family from there? Don't blame the man or woman in future when he/she put up an attitude similar to that of a drunkard!

And sometimes weird things happens. Believe me, there are[b] evil people out there[/b] who are jealous of God-fearing, progressive and loving couples. They will do everything possible to frustrate that marriage, including going spiritual and attacking either of the spouses spirit. Well, at least I've seen and heard of such cases. Cases like out of sheer jealousy, the neighbour to one familiy (a woman) had to prepare love potion for the husband of another woman (during a sincere, get-to-know each other party), so that the man will only care about her and always maltreat the wife. And it happend that the man suddenly turned mad and started maltreating the wife, so much so that the wife eventually left him. This man then moved to the other woman's house. But prayers from the men of God broke the yoke of bondage from this man and set him free. He's living happily with his family now.

And during the dating period of your relationship, I expect you to have studied your future partner and know if you're both compatible or not. Dating can take a couple of months and I believe that's a long enough time to unmask your partner if he/she is pretending to be what he/she is not.

Above all else, if 2cantango loves this man, she should pray for his deliverance from bondage. God will hear her and give her husband the grace to change to the type of man 2cantango wants.

I still insist that 2cantango should do everything possible to win back her rightful husband, because I think she's not done enough.

But this is the man you vowed to love all your life at the altar, a couple of years back, right? So, what went wrong, and how did it happen?

lets chat on yahoo. Reach me on onosj5@yahoo.co.uk Then we can try and thrash out this matter.