₦airaland Forum

Are you married? If yes, then when you divorce that man, you must remember that you're not going to have to marry another man.

If you're not, take time to pray for your would-be husband today. Tell God to lead you to the man perfect for you. And He will do it. We've had to deal with too many terrible situations on marriages in this world. Peace.

I have said it before now, and I will repeat it again:

If your husband ever raise his hands against you, pack your luggage and leave him. Don't divorce him, but stay away from him until he's his old self when you married him. While you're away, as a christian, take time to pray for him. Surely you love that man, that's why you allowed him to take your hand in marriage.

Once that marriage has been sealed by appropriate authorities, in the presence of men and women of goodwill, then, only death, can separate one of you from the other. Any other means (including Divorce) is a Sin against your Soul, Body and Spirit. And more significantly, against God.

Lest I forget, it does not matter if the man/woman you are married to is a beast or lioness. You've got to stick to the person.

This is why you've got to be very careful when you pick the man/woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, or else you may have to spend the rest of your life in misery and bitterness.

My dear pretty sister, it's true. I cannot marry someone who's divorced and is a single parent. My Bible tells me that I will be tagged an adulterer by doing so. And I don't want to spend eternity in Hell o.

That's why I will only marry a true widow.

But, I've just learn't of another category of single parents: These are the types that were not legally married to a man/woman, but really had an issue for that man/woman, somehow by mistake.

Now, in such a case, I can marry the woman, if I love her and I will forgive her of her past wrongs, so long as she's sincerely told me all about her past, and there will be no surprises in the marriage. But she must return that child/children to the father and start a new life with me.

But OBJ's acronym is MONACCO - reminds me of that Spanish? footbal league side.

Maybe we are in for some dribbling drills from Baba in the next couple of months or so.

Make una leave Kola alone. He's sold out to OBJ's cause, and he's not going to change.

My dear sister, Seun's like that. I believe he will beat his wife for just sleeping on the other side of the bed!!!

My sister nawah, some minor mistakes can be so great, that the person who's going to analyse and look at it will not take it as a minor one at all Just like the one Alheri has described above. I guess that woman took it that her virginity is a minor issue that her husband will get over. But she was mistaken. And the young gentleman became a lion for it.

We have to be very careful the way we relate with people. People are different, and should be treated with caution. Get to know the likes and dislike of your spouse. Let him/her see that you're doing your best to please him/her. You'll see the light at the end of the tunnel, in the end.

If u're online, then you can reach me now on onosj5@yahoo.co.uk

You've got YIM? If yes, then lets chat, privately. I will tell you a lot of things about myself too.

I know Seun will ban me now. But I will bare my mind, I don't care.

ALHERI, has made a very SOLID point.

alheri:
It all started after they got married and he found out she wasnt a virgin.

And that should teach many others a lesson. You see how that woman turned the husband to a panel beater

This gentleman pilot should have just left the woman alone. Beating is surely not the best option. Leave her and her life full of lies.

I think nawah is hiding something from us. All the blames cannot go to the former husband.

Rosby:
Ono,
Although, the question you asked is a very personal one but I will give you an answer. I found no love (peace and happiness) so i retrieved.

E be like say you be Isoko/Igbo lady. Welcome to Nairaland. But, erm, wetin be retrieved, na divorce?? abeg that one na Queens English o. You fit break am down for me.

Don't mind my pidgin o. Na Warri make me be like that.

But blacknight, which one be your own too? This is Rosby's first posting and you're already on fire for the lady.
Na una type dey carry beat women for house so. Make you take time o. Me I don marry, express don leave you behind. You think say na play play we come do for here. Carry ya playboy pattern go Romance section o o!!


So, abeg Rosby, what happened to your husband jare?

Well, capital NO. Ok, thanks for the reply.

Now, my people, it beats me that there are people who can be heartless in our societies, men and women alike. @nawah, two wrongs does not make a right, y'know. I'll leave this matter to rest now. Let God take control. He knows I've done His bidding on this.

Peace.

So, Rosby, what happened to your daughter's dad?

@mamaput, actually, my Pa was a police officer. No be small thing o, I spent a bit of my childhood days in the barracks.

@ Nawah, I'm collating facts about you. Remember the divorce thread?

I'm not stalking you. But I've been reading your entries on so many family issues. I will draw a line later.

No harm intended. Cheers.

@IAH, you were married to several men in Nigeria, in the past??


Gosh!! dablessed, you're a bomb waiting to explode. You're so so so pretty.

Surely I will. But I'll do a lot of homework on the lady in question, before dabbling into a relationship with her. And I'll surely love her and her children alike.

But one thing though: The lady must be a real single parent, she must be a widow. And I must find her really attractive at her age.

Folks, I'm just trying to see how I can merge this topic with the one that talks about men beating their wifes.

This life's truly weird. Only God can make it normal.

demmy:
@owo
I don't think you need national character to lay gas facilities throughout the federation or else how would other parts of the country peruse LNG in future. Unless there is something I'm missing here of course so do point an appropriate books' title.

I agree I don't. I do know however that the reason the Northern oligarch has held on to power (until now) for so long and eventually destroyed the true federalism we started out with at independent was with tacit agreement of the south-south voters. Tell me when did the south-south (until last election) voted along with the rest of the southerners to dislodge this destructive oligarch? At independence all the regions got back all the revenue derived from their regions. At that time Eastern region was actually posting better economic returns than the rest of the regions due to oil, returns it eventually squandered on futile secessionist adventure. In 1974-75 after the federal government had reduced the derivation to 45% Rivers and Mid-west states were allocated 241 million naira (even though they both had a combined population of 4.1 million) compared with 104 million naira to the four remaining regions (with combined population of 30.2 million), this progressive reduction continued until the second republic of Shagari (who was over-whelmingly voted for by the minorities in Niger Delta) when it was ultimately taken away. The south-south's fear of domination from the major ethnics in the south made them aligned themselves politically with the conservative retrogressive North and the present is the result of that choice.

C'mon demmy, we both know that the votes of the minorty are never really counted. It's always drowned by those of other regions in the country

nawah:
Ono, my question to you . Is it right to leave a man who has been so good to me to go back to an ex after 10 yyears

Surely, nawah, you are my sister. And I must confess I respect you and your views. God will help us all. It is not easy. Yourself and 2Cantango are loved. May the Peace of the Lord from above rest on you both and comfort you.

You have YIM? Then we can chat on this. I'm glad to know you've already forgiven your parents. Do you still visit them? Peace be unto your home.

I want to ask you one question: Would you like to go back to your ex,? Only YES or NO answers, please. No story and excuses. Marriage is a serious matter that must be faced squarely and sincerely. Do you believe in the power of forgiveness?? You once said you were rushed into your former marriage. I think something is still been hidden from all. If you want it discussed in private, then let's chat on YIM.

Peace.

Those of us who believe that there's always a way out of the woods(a reasonable way) in every situation are amongst the happiest people on this planet. You're welcome to join us.

I honestly marvel at the way Seun reacts to peoples opinion on this site. It's OK. He's just a young chap. Maybe it has something to do with his temperament. No problem.

@Nawah, I'm so glad to know you've been communicating with this man. I thought the man wasn't approachable from the way you first described him. God is great!! And to know you've forgiven him too, now, isn't that wonderful?? Now, c'mon, surely you are a sweet lady. Oh how I wish you can just go back to him. I know he'll accept you. When you forgive, you should forget as well. I know it's hard, but it's the best way my dear sister.

Now, I want you to also forgive your parents. You're wiser now. Don't let them live with regrets from maltreating you from your childhood days.

Let us love one another. We can make the world a better place through love. Peace.

I will send you a PM from my walla account. So sad, this type of mail from a site admin?

nawah:
I should stay away from the one man that really loves me and showed me what it means to be loved and appreciated as a woman?

I am a burnt child you know. I was neglected very often by my parents, emotionally and financially. My father was a very aggressive man and i got a lot of bashings from him right up to when I was married. That is probably what drove me so fast into that marriage.

Anyway Ono sorry to disapoint you but since no party involved is a christian I guess I can stay where am at.

So, nawah, does your religion support divorce? And I do not know what you mean by being your being burnt at your childhood

Well, I will like to invite you to a way of life that's completely founded on the love for mankind by Jesus Christ. He knows our sorrows, he holds us in his palms, he cares and he feels every pains we're passing through at the moment. He will come and save you.

@Nawah,
I expected you should have calmly called this other woman to order (prayerfully). You see, you shouldn't have divorced that man at all. That woman was among the source of your predicament in your family. And that's glaring for all to see. When you have a problem with your husband, you've got to settle it with this man alone. No third parties. No parents telling you what to do. Nobody. Just yourself and your husband. Third parties, often times, make matters worse. They will tell you what you want to hear, because you're not in a good mood.

I told my wife, I dislike women who can't stand up to their men. You've got to stand up to him. How? When he beats you up, you leave the house for him. Don't tell him your whereabout, so he could locate you. Don't divorce him yet. While you're away, do not develop hatred for him. For Gods sake, he's your huband, the man you vowed to love and cherish all your life. Pray for him, that's why you're a christian. In times of tribulations, run to the Lord for refuge, or don't you know how to do that?

Tell this present huband, you've got a restitution to make. And go back to your husband. He needs you. And if you can't go back, then stay away from any other man until your husband dies. Then the new man can come and ask your hand in marriage - yes, that's from the Bible, not me.

My brother Kasali,
I no say make man dey beat woman. In fact if you read all my entries on divorce and this beating of a thing, me I no like am at all, at all. I even stated in one of my entries that it's better to stay away from a tongue-lashing and abusive woman. Stay away from her until she's her normal self. All that should make you understand that I'm not in support of men beating their wifes or men beating women.

You have a kind of balanced view on this one. Thank you.

On this marriage to an abusive woman, abeg, the thing pass me o. You need to visit the Divorce question and make an entry there.

Up JOGS!

topea:
Now we have all focussed on women s being the victim of matrimonial oppression. But we also have men who are terribly abused, humuliated and brutalised. Women who are so troublesome that they can slap you in the presence of your driver, domestic staff, friends or anyone whomsoever. Ironically the men that marry such women are usually the soft ones who cannot beat or shout or anything of such. What then is the way out? Second wife? Drinking? Divorce? Sleeping out?
In as much as i agree that women are the weaker party in this case, men also have their own share of matrimonial discord and brutality.

They don't know, my brother. We need to tell them.


There are two cases I know of in the US. Two popular gospel artiste (I will not mention their names, indeed they are household names all over the world) divorced their husbands, and married other women's husbands. They took their kids with them, and left their husbands completely devastated.

Well let me simplify it this way for you.


Go and get married.

Sorry o, but that man is not your husband. Don't call him that. There can be only one husband. The first and only husband. And he ceases to be your husband when he dies.

I meant no harm o. It's just my view, as I see it.

Seun, remember I attended Ijebu Grams. My Principal then, Mr Oluwole Kujore was the Principal of Mayflower School, Ikenne. IOGS is a boys only school. All through my JSS years, I received one beating or the other for some lousy offence from the senior boys. So, when I got to SS1, I thought I'll begin to do same to junior boys.

But, Mr. Kujore changed our orientation completely. It became an offence for anyone no matter how high or low in the school to beat anyone. Beating became the exclusive rights of teachers. Our Principal told us that it's only animals that men should beat. Not their fellow humans. All through my SSS years, I cannot remember any occasion where I beat up any junior boy.

I am happily married for your information, and I have told my wife that there's nothing she will do in this world that will make me raise my hands against her. I'm fortunate to have married a woman who knows and understands me.

I have lived in areas where the words from some women are really so nasty that the men just cannot bear to control themselves. They resort to beating up the woman.

At a stage, there was this woman who told my mum that: Is it not ordinary beating the husband will do to her, she will go ahead and do what displeases the man, she will put too much salt in his food, etc etc. Some women can be devilish, I know.

Seun, just wait until you're married. OK. Until then I will not take your views seriously, just like I did not for Rhoddy.

nawah:
Certainly divorce should be the last option and indeed only used as a last option, but it has to remain an option.
It has always been and would always be.
Ono I really thank God, that your Uncle has turned a new leaf, but many stories do not end that way.
Do you know that a woman can be in a desperate situation that she would rather prefer suicide if she had no other way out.

Well, if divorce should be the last option, my Bible tells me the other party must not re-marry until the first partner dies. So if you marry after divorcing your first spouse, know that you have sinned against your body/soul/spirit and most significantly, against God.

In fact such people who divorce and re-marry are referred to as adulterers

Some women actually beat their husbands daily. How? They don't slap or punch them like sacks or puch bags, but they say the vilest of words to their husbands that sometimes the man may decide to commit suicide.

Some women have used their mouths to beat their husbands to the point where the man decides to quit coming home again.

In as much as I detest men beating their women, I think such case should be thoroughly investigated to know who fired the first missile, and why the man had to condescend so low as to beating up the woman! That's my view on this.

My uncle once told me that he used to be violent. His wife used to be his punch bag. He beats up his wife so much there's been instances where he thought he had killed her. He told me he was surprised this woman stayed with him up till as I write now. In fact my uncles case was very much like 2Cs husband. He comes home with women, and have sex with then on his matrimonial bed! right in front of his wife!! A lot of her friends used to tell her to divorce my uncle. They will ask her what it is she sees in this man that is not in any other man.

But you know what? She tells them that she loves this man, and have high hopes that he will change to who she wants someday.

According to him, he had prayed in his childhood days to God to lead him to a woman who will be by him all through his life. He's 68 years old now. And his wife had been with him all through 36 years now.

He told me he always thank God for giving him this woman who loves and understand him. He said he did all that beating and cheating when he did not know Christ, and was really sorry about it. When he gave his life to Christ in 1982, he turned a completely new man. The wife had lived under such terrible conditions that when he turned a new leaf, she could only raise her hands in praise to the almighty God.