₦airaland Forum

Oh! I speak in parables a lot.

If it means staying away for as long as 15 years, like my Aunt did in Lagos, but still bears her husbands name, just to keep the marriage, then so be it in my case. They even have five lovely kids. Three of them presently in the University. And she celebrated her 40th birthday last two years.

If your spouse suddeny turned violent, stay away from him. He's ill and needs your help and prayers. But do not divorce him. While you're away, take time to fast and pray for your spouse. You will one day see him knocking at your door, like the prodigal. Like it was in my Aunt's case. Yes, her husband came back. And they are living happily now.

We have to learn to forgive one another in love. Love ''heals'' the broken hearted.



Oh! 2C, tis so sad in your case. But think about this:

Christ left his heavenly abode to come down to earth and die for our sins. You know how hard he was beaten by the Roman soldiers. They beat him so hard he could hardly walk. Yet they made him carry the cross. That cross was our sins he bore. And on the cross he prayed to God to forgive us our sins, for we do not know what we did to him.

Now, as christians, Christ should be our examples in all things. I don't know why I feel this way, but I believe your husband will return to you one day and plead with you to forgive him. But I want you to pray for him so much.

One question for you, though: Do you think your love for this man can be rekindled? Would you want him to come back a changed man, who will want to love and cherish you and his son?. Besides, are you married to someone else now?

I have seen the vilest of men changed to pastors and men of God. I have seen drunkards turning completely to Christ receiving the grace to live a completely new life. Your case cannot be different. God can transform that man, and bring him back. I just want to know if you still have any feeling for the man.

NLanders, let us all try and use this medium to mend broken homes. Let us rebuild instead of pulling down. There's more joy in building rather than destroying. Let us encourage 2C to pray for her husbands return.

Peace.

Well, I'm ready to hurt myself, to please my wife. So long as the 'hurting' will make me keep the love, peace and unity in my home and also keep Gods commandment.

I'm for: Once you're married, you remain married till death parts you and your spouse, and nothing else. If that death will be through him/her maltreating me, then so be it. That is why I will marry someone who loves me and I love her in return for who/what she is. And I will stand by her through thick and thin. Let it be said that ''the wife killed him'' in my case, rather than ''he divorced his wife''. I will not share my body/ soul/spirit with another woman as long as my wife is alive. And I know she will/cannot not kill me. And God will help me today to stand by my words.

Your two eyes were wide open when you vowed to love and keep your spouse in sickness and in health. Have you ever given that sickness and in health clause a thought? That clause means even when he/she's sick mentally and otherwise (like he starts beating you and all that), you'll have to stand by him/her until death parts you.

With men, these things are awful, and impossible. But with God, all things are possible.

nawah:
It is really sad that people believe that a woman gets beaten because she deserves it.

Sometimes the men gets beaten too o o o!!! I have seen this too. Sometimes, some words from women can be so deadly compared to ordinary raising of hand to slap or beat someone. Husbands know what I mean.

2cantango:
I'm sorry, did I miss the moment when you were appointed as God? You do not know me, you are not in the position to be making this comment. I am not on this earth to gain your approval, and it is not for you to be so judgemental of those around you. It's easy to be the one who roams the earth placing judgements on others and portraying yourself to be so pure and holy. True depth of character is revealed when your brave enough and sure enough of yourself as a Christian, to lay bare the skeletons in your closet, regardless of the outcome. God knows the secrets in your closet, even if we don't, it might be nice for you to keep this in mind.

Goodness 2cantango!! I do not derive any pleasure in seeing you beaten up by your former? husband. I hate husbands who beat their wifes(although, there's more to this beating thing than meets the eyes o o!!). I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please accept my sympathy.

I'm for your well being as other people in here. Am no God; far be it from me that I should take the position of my Lord and saviour.

Marriage is not a business venture as someone claims. It's not in anyway a business venture. The Devil has over the years, in centuries gone by, done a lot of harm to the marriage institution as founded by God Himself. I don't have much time now. But I will like to chat privately with you, if you don't mind, later today. Peace.

If you love yourself and your son, so much, then please pray for the peaceful return of his father and your husband. Nothing is too hard for God to do. He will come and save you and your family. He will bring that needed peace and love, the healing balm into your home. And you'd be happy once again. Surely you're not very happy having to handle your son all by yourself. You need the boy's father around too. It's not a normal man that will derive pleasure in beating his son. Pray for him. He needs a touch from God. You will see him change once again to that man you vowed to love till death do you part in the beginning

Are you willing to[b] submit all to the Lord[/b]? Are you willing to let go of your pride (to both man and God)? and submit to God to handle the situation? Are you willing to forgive him for all the wrongs? and smile, that charming smile that made him fall completely for you from the start?  Play your part and let go, then let God handle this matter. He will see you through it.

Well, then just watchout, so that you won't fall for the wrong man. There are indeed a lot of terrible men and women out there that sometimes young adults seldom think about marriage.

But Rhoddy, you'd better start praying to God about your husband now. At least, you're not too young for that. Tell Him to lead you to the man perfect for you. And for Him to give you the grace to accept this man for who he is, when the time comes. And that you should not be carried away about the cares of this life to the extent that you refuse to heed God call/instruction when the day to decide for your man comes.

And of course, these applies to you, if you're a christian.

Hi Rhoda, hope you're having a good time out there. You know, some how you're right. Women generally have a funny way of falling in love. It's OK. But Rhoda, you're not married. And I think your views will not be taken seriously by me.

And 2cantago, I'm not generalising this position of mine here. It could go the other way round. Like, for instance, a woman starts misbehaving in the house, starts committing adultery, maybe because she's not getting the much needed attention from the man; or she suddenly turned abusive and violent.

To the best of my knowledge, the first point of blame should go to the spouse (husband or wife) before any other person, for any shortcoming in any relationship.

The type of people a spouse relates with also matters. Is the husband the type that likes night parties, clubs, drinking etc etc? Is that the place you met your spouse and you both decides to start a family from there? Don't blame the man or woman in future when he/she put up an attitude similar to that of a drunkard!

And sometimes weird things happens. Believe me, there are[b] evil people out there[/b] who are jealous of God-fearing, progressive and loving couples. They will do everything possible to frustrate that marriage, including going spiritual and attacking either of the spouses spirit. Well, at least I've seen and heard of such cases. Cases like out of sheer jealousy, the neighbour to one familiy (a woman) had to prepare love potion for the husband of another woman (during a sincere, get-to-know each other party), so that the man will only care about her and always maltreat the wife. And it happend that the man suddenly turned mad and started maltreating the wife, so much so that the wife eventually left him. This man then moved to the other woman's house. But prayers from the men of God broke the yoke of bondage from this man and set him free. He's living happily with his family now.

And during the dating period of your relationship, I expect you to have studied your future partner and know if you're both compatible or not. Dating can take a couple of months and I believe that's a long enough time to unmask your partner if he/she is pretending to be what he/she is not.

Above all else, if 2cantango loves this man, she should pray for his deliverance from bondage. God will hear her and give her husband the grace to change to the type of man 2cantango wants.

I still insist that 2cantango should do everything possible to win back her rightful husband, because I think she's not done enough.

But this is the man you vowed to love all your life at the altar, a couple of years back, right? So, what went wrong, and how did it happen?

lets chat on yahoo. Reach me on onosj5@yahoo.co.uk Then we can try and thrash out this matter.

@flower,
Indeed you are a blessing to us all here. I'read through some of ur entries here in the family section, and I must say your views should be taken strongly. You've been married for just a couple of years and you are this farsighted in marital things. I'm impressed.

Your husband should be congratulted - for getting a good one out of so many out there.

I've learn't so much from you ladies. You're all a blessing to married people like me on NL. I will do my best to bring all these advice to bare on my marriage.

Thanks.

Well, 2cantango, how long did this man date you before you got married to him? How is it that it was after you married this man that all these[b] bad bad bad things befell him[/b]?

Somehow, in my own view, you turned that man to whatever it is that he is now. That's the bitter truth. But it's never too late to get him back.

I think you should have asked yourself these questions and seek solutions to them before leaving the man.Some problems are spiritual. And it takes the power and grace of God to break yokes of bondages.

You'd do well to reconcile with him and go back to where you are coming from.

Regards,
Ono.

Jeeeesus of Nazareth, u guys are awfullllly funny. I don break all my ribs with laughter!!!

OMG, ha! this one don pass me, Odikwa too much,

alj, just try and reach her. She will either tell you she's free or hooked up. And that will not take one hair from your body.

Besides, you should be ready for marriage (and that means responsibility) to get along, if you truly love her.

lawd!! I've been laughing!!!

Yeah, I've experienced this thing too:
The lady in question is now with BP in the UK, and married to my friend/acquaintance. We met right here in Warri. We were both around for our six month Industrial Training, some 6 years ago. I practically got stucked with her calm and composed self. Her beauty (to me, is unparralelled) She's so bright at school -she made a first class in Petroleum Engineering. I think if any boy wants brain and beauty combined, this lady's got all. She was altogether humble.

At a stage, I felt I've come across an angel! Gosh!

>Why couldn't you say it?
I guess it's because we were still students.  And I was a bit afraid, I've never had to talk to a girl about my feelings for her! wow!!
But I sure did when I met my wife. I summoned all the courage needed to start the discussion. And It was a cool ride.

>Did he/she end up with someone that hurt him/her and did you blame yourself for that?
I don't think so. She told me some two weeks ago that she's very happy in her marriage

>Do you think it would or wouldn't have worked out?
I believe it would have worked out. But you see, I found someone else, just when I thought all hope was lost.  And this one has everything I need in a woman.

>For how long did you live in that world of fantasy where you wished you were locked in a relationship with him/her?
Until I met my real hearthrob.  And that's it

Ehn!! Waffi babe dey speak Queens English?

Oke, where you dey stay for Waffi? Abeg leave all that Queen bla bla bla. If you love that man, you go study the man weakpoint(s) and helep am. Omote (I hope you are Isoko), if the man loves you and you love am, helep am out with the english now. You fit send am go some kind schools dem for Warri. Dem go teach am well well. With time him go improve. Go for the man.


Erm, er, no vex o, I say make I use Waffi english take yarn for this one. I believe say you go understand.

@Nicetohave:

Hmnnn. Indeed, that 2cantango story is ABRIDGED.

I will only reply her when I've[b] heard [/b] from her former (rightful?) husband.

Now, to divorce:
It is not good for anyone to opt out of marriage because one party feels or believes he cannot continue with the other. I hate divorce and everything that goes with it. Stay with your man or woman, even if situations get to a head and you feel it's better to quit.

That love you have for your partner when you met him/her can be rekindled. Above all, God, who is the author of marriage will keep you together, if only you'll allow him to lead your home.

Dave,
I don die for laughter here o!!!

I've already sent the first one on e mail to many of my friends here. Nna, you don crack old man ribs!! U sure say the elders go forgive you so?

My brother, you're in Chicago, enjoying life for yonder. You no know wetin dey. To get concrete evidence, OBJ must leave office first. Now let me explain, because you and Jakumo wants concrete evidence.

1. When Gen Abacha was head of state, nobody dared accuse him of embezzling, stealing or missappropriating govt. money, right? But after he died from the hands of Indian prostitutes, our security agencies, CBN and all started making a lot of noise about Abachas loot. Of course OBJ had to constitute a panel of enquiry into Abachas loot. The rest is history.

2. When IBB was head of state, no one dared accuse the man of stealing govt. money, not to talk of the oil windfall during his reign as military presido. But after he stepped aside, loudmouths, bootlickers and stooges alike started accusing the man of embezzling govt money.

What am I trying to make u understand?

That when these thieves are in power, it is better you don't start looking for concrete evidence. Wait until they become yeomen (ordinary men). Then, they will be unmasked.

So, asking me for concrete evidence on[b] OBJs loot will amount to nothing at this time[/b]. I will tell you, God willing, when he's out of Aso Rock.

http://www.tribune.com.ng/090306/news01.htm

Every events in the life of the administration of General OBJ compares ''favourably'' with that of the late maximum ruler, General Abacha, the same man who nearly killed him.

Now, some stooges with a lot of accolades for OBJ are willing to repeat what Kalu did for Abacha in his hey days as Maximum ruler. It was YEAA (Youth Earnestly Ask for Abacha) during Abachas time, and now it MONACCO for OBJ.

We are watching. I just hope that it's not going to be a bunch of Indian prostitutes that will kill OBJ too o, because that will be one hillarious coincidence.

mazino, welcome to Nairaland.

@Demmy,
Basil's hands are ''tied'' There's a limit to how far he can go in taking decisions.

And if you don't know, Shell own a paltry 30% stake in that business. The bulk of what SPDC makes as revenues, goes to the Federal Govt. Ask NAPIMS, they will tell you more on this. Where do you think the FG gets their money from? Do you think Shell will be in this country and the FG will just siddon dey look? Think again.

Thesame thing goes for this Gen. Ogomudia gist. That man can do nothing of his own free will without the consent of the President.
                         OBJ is President and Commander in Chief of the Nigerian Armed Forces

You've got to remember that one, and know that Ogomudia is just one of the men under his command.

To use the right word, Alams is just taking something from his homeland. He did not steal it. It is OBJ, and other thieves who are actually stealing what does not belong to them in the first place.

They are the ones to be arrested, detained, summarily charged with treason and sentenced to a life jail term. It's just that OBJ is very old now. I think he wont last 2 years if sent to the gulag again!

I particularly like this demand:

. Any discussion with the Ijaw should take place in an acceptable place and not in places that will evoke the memories of Ijaw impoverishment.

OBJ should go and discuss with the militants in the creeks!!!! Not in Abuja, Lagos, Enugu or Kano.

Surely the odds are too much for baba OBJ to handle. It's surprising though that Musa could finger him as one of those who bought govt. property in the name of BPE.

God save his people.

Odeku & LoverBwuoy,
Abeg make una go siddon!!! If the economic situation in the country is so bad that the ordinary Nigerian lives on less than $1 a day, what moral justification does OBJ & Sons have to buy a house (at whatever amount, in dollars, euro, naira or whatever) in NY?

And on what ground are they now accusing Alams & Daughter of stashing away N62 million in a South African Bank?

Besides, if we take a closer look at these things, Alams is from a region that produces the bulk of the nations wealth. Alams is from Amassoma, a village that is home to several oil fields, producing the eggs that nourish OBJ & Sons purse. Why should he not take something that flows from his back yard?

On the other hand, OBJ & Son are from Owu, an enclave that practically generates NOTHING to the natonal purse. So, why should OBJ persecute Alams in the first place.


Abeg, make una take pure water and cool down for where una dey!!!!

jagwar:
@ OWO,
please spare me the crap, u can call names all u want but we all know that the yoruba hav the best educated political elite in the country. I guarantee u that if we had those oil resources, yoruba land would be the envy of Africa (i'm sure u know that). I know everything i need to know about the niger delta area (as i hav stated earlier).

"Take note" [/b] i don't hate the Ndeltans as i'm partly from this region. The solution to this problem is clear, lets put away the dynamite/guns & begin to think like the rational human beings that we all are. Remember any Nigerian govt would rather deal with daily attacks than cede the region to self rule.

Sorry bo, the oil is in the Delta. And right now, ''OBJ'' is the eyesore of Nigeria.

As per your suggested solution, thinking like rational beings, we've tried that option in the past 50 years or so. It did not work. So what would you have us do?

joftech:
If they can get a good business plan and a good roadmap, their break away is only a stone throw away.

Thank you.

The road map is already on the drawing board. We cannot fail to achieve our set out goals and objectives. If we fail, our generations yet unborn will exhume our corpses and desecrate our graves when we are long gone.

But, they will honor our memories, like that of the late Isaac Adaka Boro and Ken Saro Wiwa of blessed memory when they find out that we did not sit with our oppressors at a round table and feed on chicken and pork when our resources are used to better our oppressors lot!

But that we fought galantly (and even shed our blood), took the bulls by the horn, challenged the status quo ante and obtain our freedom.

Way to go ORAKU! That's the result we get for having[b] rogues [/b] in power!