₦airaland Forum

johnkey:
Only my mom knows this but let me share, so I was still young in my dad's house looking for admission,this fateful Sunday I had to leave church early with my friend cause we got bored,two junctions to my house my friend went his way, on that same street I sighted this big ass lady whose husband I knew they were leaving in one face me I slap you house, we do smile at each other based on fine boy levels but we've never talked before, she was carrying 'baf' trying to get water, I got home and seated outside of the compound hoping she will pass, she passed with her baf and big ass I just smiled at her as usual and she gave me one hell of a seductive smile I can never forget like those type where you bite the lips, some minutes later she was coming down across the street with her empty baf again like she didn't see water where she went, naso I close eyes walk up to her say we get water for my house, she entered filled the baf and asked me to help her put it on her head when things suddenly got heated up, I drew her close to me she didn't fight it, we were kissing for like 5 minutes sucking tongues and everything, I just dragged her inside through the back door I already opened, I swear as we entered room I pushed her so hard on the bed I thought I must have hurt her and that was it, we fücked four mad rounds that blessed Sunday and she was just praising me over her husband all through, my mom knew cause of the baf outside with water. Funny thing is I never saw her again till I went to school and they moved before I came home again. I don't even know her name .
PS: I can't go four rounds on any girl again, I can't come and die Young for the pussy

Your last statement got me laffing....

I missed nairaland. Asuweh! There's something always, awful to read. Lemme sneeze first......aaaachihooooo

uboma:
Lol. I was not ready for them on that day as I had more pressing issues to attend to.

VIO, Civil Defence and the mobile courts are simply rogues, waiting to extort money from motorists.

I come out prepared all d time. Experience have taught me that. In fact u need to see my self-made bu***tproof. I ain't taking chances no more. I think all our Nigerian military and paramilitary are suffering paranoid schizophrenia.

uboma:
Hello everyone,

I got flagged down this afternoon by VIO in the FCT. One of them asked me for my papers which I handed to him. After inspection, he asked if I had a valid driver's licence, I replied yes. I made attempt to pull it out from my wallet but noticed that the Officer had walked away from my car. He met his other colleagues who were seated and then signalled me to join them.

Got down from my car and realised that I was before a mobile court. My offence, as read out to me, was that I was not wearing a facemask inside my car. I explained that I have one in the car which I wear whenever I step out of my vehicle. They refused to listen to me and went ahead to fine me the sum of five hundred and fifty naira only. I was given a paper which did not carry the details of how much I paid. I insisted that I needed a receipt for the fine which I paid. After much reluctance, one of the VIO rudely scribbed the amount they collected from me on the paper.

The mobile court judge was rude to me and others whose case he heard while my Ordeal lasted.

I guess that the time has come for everyone to wear his/her facemask at all times irrespective of where one is.

Has anyone had a similar ordeal?

Mine was in Area 1 round about. I told them that my ear lobe is in severe pain and I can't wear it. They got rude with words and I decided to turn my walk off. When one made an attempt to grab me, I told him to back off or else I will orphaned his children. He was terrified and I walked off. I heard one saying that "u d show muscle abi?" I walked off. Don't be too gentle in Nigeria.

Trump....I don't know why I cannot dislike him. I've tried to, but I can't. I'm a die-hard fan of his, and worst of all, I refused to judged him by his past. Is there any one here who can teach me how to dislike him? Just d way I dislike PMB (due to his lopsided and nepotistic style).

Righteousness89:
Years ago, I was scammed by one fake guy that claimed to sell data here on Nairaland.....

Sent him money and the guy Blocked me...

It was funny tho!



Another one I Experienced was a kind a Karma..

While in my University days, I had a friend who loved one lady. Back then I was known as Chics Man and It was through me he could meet the girl. I ate my friends in the Name of the lady.

My friend later got to known and other guys laughed at him..

After university, A lady did Exactly the same thing to me..

I wanted to flare up but I remembered wat I did to my Friend back in school..

I knew karma had hit me.. I kuku carry my cross and Moved on..

Today Having JESUS CHRIST has Totally Turned my life Around..

I Look back at those days and I say Thank you LORD for the What I am Today..

Karma ain't joke mehn

Easing interstate travel ban is all I wanted and hence should be considered

iLegendd:
That thing made me depressed. Nigeria is not backward — we are the word before backward.

Ewoooooooo...see description abeg!

sirjakez:
Good morning sir... please I'm very much interested in the perfume sales

Sorry I've been away and I couldn't respond to ur quest. Let's relate via WhatsApp. Ok?

Slawormir:
Damnnnnn niggarrr
Good one
But see the way when all those women take dey congratulate her you go think say the thing really come from thier mind. Women hate each other
Funny enough them go dey pretend in public and every where as if them truly love themselves
Na only women dey do something like this: for example on phone

Jennifer: hey sweet heart
Cynthia : am cool love
Jennifer : are you at home?
Cynthia : yes.
Jennifer : what did you prepare ?
Cynthia : I prepared rice
Jennifer : okay am coming
Cynthia : come quickly honey. ( In Cynthia's mind. Na wa o. This witch don dey come again)

But guys behave as if they hate themselves but they actually love themselves. You hear something like
KELVIN: idiot how far?
JERRY: your father
KELVIN : you dey house?
JERRY : yes na. I just weak guy. Arsenal just cut my ticket
KELVIN : me nor tell you make you nor carry arsenal yesterday. Anyway wetin you cook. I dey hungry die

JERRY: nothing o. Na even Garry I soak just now. But show first. Two hundred naira dey with me make we use am buy two cup of rice. We go reach them osazee side go collect onions and oil.

Damn nigarrr, u murder them. Truest talk

There's a point I want y'all to understand: there are two separate Hausa in d entire north. Hausa bokwas-(the acclaimed 7original Hausa) located in dnorthwest. They claim superiority over the entire north.
Then,
The banza bokwas-the illegal seven (7) located in d Northeast. The hausa bokwas- believed they were born outside wedlock and so do not share d real blood of d idea hausa, and so they despised them in some form of ideologies and they've been trying in many ways to to decimate them. They know how to spice them up in carrying out some deadly acts for them through their local intelligence. Now, the likes of Atiku knows d truth and they know that he knows.
As to my point, in as much as the BH is confined and operate with northeast, d president will continue to keep mum. There's something the hausa bokwas is currently working on and if they actualize it,.........

FarahAideed:
Fact is that Buhari and Baguada where all part of the looting machinery of the Abacha govt and now that Buhari is in power they are collecting their loot back ...Buhari has never been an honest man even for a day

Buhari is more corrupt than Abacha in all ramifications. Before the end of his tenure, Nigerians will beg God to forgive them for ever electing this man. He's tactically corrupt. He fronted Abba Kyari while he's doing his thing; carry ing out his mortal intention. He's a Mephistopheles's

* Not all white-skinned people speaks English
* Not all English people are Christian
* Not all buildings called Church is a church.
I think Oxford should find a way to redefine the term "Church" or better still, coin a word for a congregation that offer a particular way of worship. Because the word church is readily misuse. For instance, church of Satan, church of cherubim & seraphim, church of messianity, etc. These churches practices evil in d name of whatever, hence demeaning Christianity. It's crazy.

Chai, 252 transfer charges (Zenith-current account charge) 35 sms charges, 52 bank maintenance charges, 1.52 notification charge (SunTrust Bank). Let them continue

chatinent:
Returned what? Why is Nigeria like this? Always lying.

Haba guy! U for do like say u believe them first. Their lies d pepper me walahi.

The ministers who are friends to PMB are not living up to expectation at all.
1. FCT Minister. He's a strong ally of PMB and guess what? The teachers in FCT are not yet paid for their January salary.
2. Hajia Farouk-minister of humanitarian and disaster management. The staff in that ministry are equally yet to be paid.
3. Ogbonnaya onuh. Minister of science and technology. Is he still a minister?
These are good friends of Buhari. Pls can anyone tell me why nothing good is coming out of Buhari's friends/ally?

BIAFRONIGERIAN:
Stop dating broke girls.

Yeah. But assist broke girls either by offering the a lift or pay their fare in a commercial car or buy them shirt once in a while. It motivates them.

I never knew I can laff this loud. Funniest post ever.....

Onyi22:
D question is, can she cook?
Remember all this rich kids hardly know how to wash their tea cup

Think rich bro. She can hire d best cook and run her show.
*U must not b a thug but u can hire thugs and win election
*U can hire a locum to work for u u in a pharmacy
*An engineer own a hospital in my village. He employed enough doctors.
So my point is, she doesn't have cook by her damn self. I love her spirit,and I'll patronise her.

shangodele974:
obj always love to be at funerals

You're funny. Which kain talk be that?

TeleboiZ005:
At the mention of this name "GEJ" i feel happy.
My val has been made.
God bless Nigeria.
God bless Goodluck E Jonathan.
even though he was clueless, we have one PMB who is both Lifeless nd clueless and he's nothing to write about.

Thanks for this accolade. Each time I hear GEJ speaks, I feel consumed by a feeling I cannot fathom. He's such a man

Randy100:
This is very unfair. PDP and APC playing politics with our country.

Just as Democrats and Republicans

AlhajiImam:
If only she can embrace Islam and be a Muslim dressed in full hijab, we will do her more good unlike their people who are heartless and careless.

We are accommodating and peaceful people

Look at this one. Embrace Islam... To depart from light unto darkness? Haba mutum!

sharpwriter:
Lol... Next time you go dey your lane and stay away from them to keep your self-esteem. Jim Iyke still greeted you sef and that is not too bad, you just didn't act professional as per your managerial role

You reminded me of Eva Alordia's then boyfriend that was snubbed by wizkid in full glare of camera during Headies award few years back. The video still dey Internet if you search am ... Really embarrassing cos the snub happened just after wizkid hugged Eva Alordia, leaving the poor man's handshake stretching and hanging in the air before he used style pull himself together

My brother the thing taya me oo.
The humiliation is bad. Since then I unfan myself from his fan base. The pix we snapped three months ago self, I kept my distance and he knew that tis guy still remember d shit he did.

In Rome, Tokyo, London and Mexico city, people uses bicycle to work and there's no qualm. Bicycle or horse is acceptable anywhere in d world. Let Lagosians adopt d same mode of transportation and it'll save them better than their anticipated protest.

I wish Trump will be president forever. In fact let him beam his search light on Nigeria for a moment.

Mine was Jim Iyke in 2018.
I was a manager of a shopping mall then. My staff think highly of my fashion; some likened me to J.I. So on ds fateful day, J.I was in our mall to shop. My staff on seeing him were hailing him from all corners. Well he only muttered hi and continued with his shopping. I came down from my office upstairs to acknowledge him too since I am a fan. But after offering a handshake, he looked at me and turned away from me. I was shamed. My staff were shocked, but I maintained my cool. We made it up with each last year at a function within his office (world ventures) in maitama. But I was pained to my small intestine.

When I googled "the country with the worst police force" in d world and I did not find Nigeria, two things hit my humble minds: either Nigerian police had bribed their way out at some point or they not recognized. Nigeria police no follow. At all!

Rapmoney:
I hate Democrats and their policies, especially the evil ones of Barack Obama. The Republican Party is better for the world. Ride on Trump!

If e pain you, just look for the nearest bush and eat dry shit!!!

Well, I know some folks won't sleep well tonight. Especially, that dud
e who sells audio barbeque.

U heard? That Obama is about to contest for Kenyan president...

Osagyefo98:
Buhari has just shown truly that he has no single certificate attached to his name.

What is he trying to Insinuate

I don't even know why I suddenly got angry at his speech. Is Buhari literate at all?

picoba:
Good write-up. Thanks slot for this information.
It is high time for me to relocate from Northern part of Nigeria to the place where l can sleep with no sound of gun.

Eiyaa

Enwhen:
NICE ONE GOD BLESS U

Abeg still help us find out the cost of those countries , mostly for those of us who are traveling abroad to go hurstle , weds Na to dey barf dead body self we mind as long as the money , dollars come out weda small or big , e beta pass the richest Yahoo Yahoo in Nigeria thank u... Pls don't mind my pidgin English, Na until I leave Nigeria , I go stop to dey speaker am, even in my place of work Na pidgin I dey speak cos I no send anybody and Nigeria no deserve English language....thank you

This is my first laugh of d day. You're funny. Nothing do u my brother