₦airaland Forum

[quote author=kind.way]@pickabeau1:
Seldomly, I have to speak with my son , So I am left with no choice but to call through her phone[/quote]im sure you will be missing the boy
Do you intend to remarry or have you already?

[quote author=kind.way]I can relate to the Op.
My story: while we were together abroad, she behaved so badly that I almost beat her, The situation was so nasty to the extent that I have once locked her outside the house. She got so many bad friends that advised her wrongly.

Divorce wont favour me out there, I just planned a holiday back to Naija, when we got back home. I called immigration to cancel her visa. I gently moved back and pick up my life again.

Some Nigerian women can be so rude, contentious, unruly and over the board as if they are the only people that sabi book.

Ops: Do whatever that will make you happy, Nobody is in your shoe, No body understand your pain. You only have one life. Live it happily and fulfilling.[/quote]wow.. sad..

so did you cut off all contact with the lady

aholiab: What happened to the generation of our mothers and feminity? Anyways since ladies decided to visit fastfoods and stay glued to Etv, instagraming and pinging. . .brothers started giving loyalty to marriage a second thought. And pls I need folks to school me on how to use nairaland. Am pretty new here. Thanks 2a68478f

pics?

Bros naruto don tire me walahi no vex

Madara on rinne..

I go soon come over no vex

Feraz: Naruto thread. . .

Feraz: You heard the OP. He's involved the in-laws, they overlooked it thinking it's a small issue till it became magnified.
This is a guy that set-up an SME for his wife since she has been searching for job (empowering her before she got her dream job) going by the OP's account. Does it look like he hasn't tried every means possible?

Ok. Let's all agree that he didn't do it the right way, that he insulted the lady, her family, her in-laws etc what other way would he have done it (bearing in mind that communication has failed in this aspect).

BTW, I haven't seen you in the other thread!

Yes there is nothing new is seperating or divorcing a woman...
This approach is the issue

Which thread...

coogar: if she has a green card, she should be above every immigration rule which means she can only be delayed, she cannot be left stranded in nigeria forever.

if she eventually goes back to america, she won't be able to naturalise after 3 years if the husband ceases to be her sponsor. she will now have to wait for 5 years.

What of the wasted years hanging in naija.
Let him seperate and divorce if things dont work

He will get his life back on track with time

Life is too short.

Hahaha..

Well wish the op the best

Locking her in naija is unfair and could render her unable to put her life together as her certificates may be abroad

She may even be in school and have to start over again

That is wicked to me

coogar: that ship has sailed......

coogar: let's hear your advice then.....

Counselling

If it does not work.. Sepeation and if no resolution..
Divorce

Control is key and women also desire it

Na wa.. Me I still this backhanded appraoch is not optimal

No problem

kulyie: well thats my opinion 8-):*

SHAAWA: Yerima only instituted political not islamic sharia in Zamfara, he uses God and religion to score cheap political points because he as a person is unmarketable. That was Yerima's sharia.

Well you seem to be a knowledgeable poster
You are right
He used it for political means
That was his intention pandering to the wishes of his people


The end result is that he became a stalwart unwittingly
He fought the amendment using islam
Do you think he is the only groom of child brides

He is one but he is many

Tragic

May we be delivered from bad wives

It is better to dwell on the roof alone that live with one

coogar: isn't that the only affordable option he's got left? the other one is to swallow his pride & become his wife's doormat. even that one is a temporary measure, he's bound to snap one day and boom - homicide!!!

debosky: I'm not knocking Suarez, but what we need is a quality back up 9 that can deputise for or even replace Giroud - we definitely don't want to become a one man team like Liverpool who sink or swim on Suarez' performance.

Nice point but in my opinion giroud is the backup

We need a top 9

jhidey08: It is true, d lady lacks manner of approach. She sells zobo in one small shop in Ibadan and I asked her: 'aunty, sobo yin tutu? Imagine wot she tld me, she said :'obo awon iyalaya e loma tutu''. Only yorubas wil understand. Crazy lady.

You no know say she still dey town

Amended

coogar: in the 21st century, being black and male alone makes one a criminal.

coogar: he's finished if he does the proper things. around 45% of his assets go straight to the woman. if they have children, he would even lose more.


let's be honest, marriage is a lucrative business for some women these days.....it's not different to robbery. marry a successful man, have kids for him, frustrate him till he's had enough, divorce him & take almost half of his properties.

true... unfortunately thats life
Running back to naija to backhandedly seperate from his wife can backfire

Thanks for your honesty.....


Yerima is seen as a stalwart of islam because he instituted Islamic law when he was a governor.
He also challenged the constitional amendment on the basis that Islam recognised underage marriage
This you have agreed with

Just one more question... will you marry off your own teenage daughter if an elderly man comes to ask for her hand in marriage in accordance with the tenets of Islam

SHAAWA: So because I am a woman I should reject my faith for people to feel good. My religion did not condemn it for that I cannot condemn it. The Mods only respect other peoples beliefs. I am not talking about Yerima here, I came from the same axis with him we know a lot of dirty things about him more than you do. I hate it whenever his name comes up Islam and Muslims get bashed as if Yerima is synonymous with Islam. He is as dirty as any politician can be if not worse. Peoples opinions on Islam doesn't counts, we don't edit, expunge, make excuses or update our religion to suit other people's view, neither do we select which portion to follow or drop, this is who are. Marrying off girls at a younger is permissible in Islam but not a must as there are girls who finds their husbands very late in life.

[quote author=baby_123]That's when it's permanent I think. If it still temporary he probably can withdraw it[/quote]Abi... rather than this backhand way
I pray God reveals his plan to her and she does not come to naija

face your troubles like a man

If she is a bad wife, do the proper thing

kulyie: Before nko.an example is romance or politics section.if you want to see all manners of cussing just go there and that usually happens when communication has broken down and i can bet my life that assuming those folks that are arguing saw each other,they will beat themselves or stab themselves.

Of which nl is a reflection of nigerians and its anonymous yet cuuses and insults fly around like no mans buisness despite mods and censored words.so imagine if there was none

you have to seperate virtual personalities from real ones and understand people put up a front which may or may not be at variance with their own real personality

back to your post, i do not subscribe to a philosophy that espouses immediate seperation after breakdown of communication between couples

Customarily, there were elders who stepped in
Modern day, we have marriage counsellors , imams or pastors etc

After this has failed then the process of seperation can start

Miner13: well, i did not hide anything, the way i heard everything that's the i put it down.

Even when i discovered more questions are arising from here i had to go in for more details and ensured i posted it as i received it.

Whether he beat her, an insider also make it known that nothing like.

I am just curious as to this approachby the man in question.. a seperation for a period of 3 to 6 months will also have the same impact with less vitriol from the inlaws

kulyie: Modes of civility e.g talking/ decent communication,apologizing,exchanging of gifts.however when the arguements begin to reach slapping each other,cussing,name calling,threatening with acid or knife,tearing of each others clothes,then call it a day.

thats the level many couples are in nigeria WHICH I HAVE SEEN

So if i get you , once communication breaks down in a marriage the next thing is seperation or else they will start beating each other up

[quote author=baby_123]He can cancel her application.[/quote]What if she already has the card
I thought it was valid for 5 or 10 years?

This is another angle, once your sponsor does not file for you.. you automatically are in breach of immigration rules

what concerns the green card for the matter

if you are tired, institute divorce proceedings and let her move on with her own life

who says she cant still come to the US with a replacement greencard

kulyie: Seperation is ok as a last resort afyer all modes of civility has failed but she is not a bag of rice to be dumped in her parents house.if they want to seperate,the wife is free to pack her bags and baggages to wherever.it now becomes her choice whether she wants to go to her parents house,friends house,hotel or rent a house

thanks for your response
I agree that the approach is wrong and he has heaped indignities on his inlaws


Can you further expatiate on the phrase "mode of civility".. at what point is that threshold reached and after what sort of actions

Let me ask you a question

Is seperation insulting...

Do you believe in it and how should it be done ...

kulyie: Yes i get yoir jist

shouting is bad and can drive anyone crazy and there are also better ways of passing a message across but have you stopped to consider that before the woman shouts (note that i am not supporting shouting) wouldnt she have talked,begged,cajoled,cried and all failed.if she starts her shouting,cant he leave the house for her so that when she doesnt see her husband for like 2 months and the guy eventually comes home,no one will tell her to use her senses becaise no doubt she will be scared and know she has pushed him to the wall for him leaving her in the house,dumping her back to her parents is highly insulting and degrading.isnt that what they call dalemoshu

Miner13: It is never his plan to marry another wife. Unless the inlaws chose that as their option.
He make his stand clear re-train your daughter and he will be ready to take her back.
I wonder why some people are of the opinion of the man been heartless. Before any reasonable man could took that step, you should al know that he has fought the battle and yet no reasonable changes.
Besides an insider said, the husband had informed the inlaws time without number but they did not count it to be something

Also if he has involved the inlaws countless times, then this is more or less tantamount to seperation...

Ok since youve been kind enough to give more info
What manner of retraining does he want from the inlaws

SHAAWA: I am just getting warm up, I am a proud muslim lady i can't chicken out. My prophet learned from Christ mistake of turning the other cheek and ended up hung like a common criminal that was why he fought.

So you are even female and u are justifying child marriage
Well that is not new.. the mods here support it and call those of us who dont brainwashed

18...

when they taste the honeypot... maybe you will understand what she was saying...

man city's attack is very fast

See yayah tearing through,...

the major edge barca has here is expereience and the messi factor... hope he is back and fully fit by then

Ok....

Yes but we are humans and consequently there will be issues in any relationship

So how do you suggest the matter be settled in the event that hisband n wife are not communicating

What's your idea

kulyie: I am typing in caps BECAUSE IT IS MY PHONE,I WORKED FOR THE MONEY I USED TO BUY THE PHONE AND CAN PRESS CAPS AS I LIKE TO DRIVE HOME MY POINT (i am joking o,i hope you take it as one before another bout starts )

Anyway to the issue getting a 3rd party in marriage is just courting for trouble because after husband and wife leaves.na una matter be the topic of gossip or when the elders get home,one of them will be like dont be like baba nkechi or dont be like mumy stella.they did this this and this.even yorubas say a matter cannot be too big to the extent that you cant say it.its your mouth you will use and say it.marriage should be about CONSTANT COMMUNICATION AND RESPECTING EACH OTHER)

There is nothing wrong with a temporal seperation but in this manner the approach is insulting and shows contempt n a throwback to the woman as chattel days

If there is a breakdown in communication and the woman is being recalcitrant


Involve the elders if it fails
They will guide the process

Feraz: It's like saying 'ókó mí'. Literally, it means our father (used to address either a husband or elders).

Which would people prefer? That he divorces her, she gets remarried prolly to someone less patient than the above guy and becomes a punching bag

OR

she gets the required training, gets back with her husband and the marriage works. Even though she remarries, she'll appreciate what her ex-husband did. For him to have done this, he must have tried everything possible to make the marriage work. Going by the OP, I don't think he laid a finger on her which few men would have done since.

If he brings another wife, ladies would scream 'unfaithful husband' saying why didn't he divorce her? He divorces her, problem. He beats her, all men are 'beasts'. He has an extra-marital affair, all men are 'dogs and they can't control their third legs'. What do y'all want men to do?

I still ask again, what is the best solution to the above problem since returning her for re-training is a problem assuming that every form of making the marriage work proved futile

I don't see the reason why you are typing in FULL CAPS to make your point

It is equivalent to shouting

There are times in any relationship that one may need the counsel of the elders to mediate or will you say that means the parties are not mature

If that is your point then really no one is mature

Getting 3rd parties involved usually coonotes a breakdown in dialogue but I do not subscribe to sending the woman home in this manner

If dialogue has broken down and the inlaws do not give a cahoots
Then let there be seperation and if he is no more interested divorce

What is the intent of this action

kulyie: I am saying that A MAN THAT CANNOT HANDLE HIS MARRIAGE/WIFE WITHOUT EXTERNAL INVOLVEMENT FROM HER PARENTS OR WHEREVER HAS NO BUISNESS WITH MARRIAGE