₦airaland Forum

GurlFriend:
I see a bunch of threads here created by guys who see nothing good in the women folk, but if I start writing about the evils that men commit, the mods may move the thread to the literature section.

My Experience

I am pretty, well kept and groomed and at an age where although I may not be a spring chick, I am still young enough to attract attention from guys in their early 20s who have no qualms about toasting their elder sister's age mates. I have had my fair share lovers but I am currently sworn off men till such a time I recover from the trauma of my latest experience in the hands of the 'ejaculating gender.'

My now ex, let's call him Kingsley was supposed to be a godsent. He is fair, heavily bearded, handsome and a single father. He is also terrible in bed. TERRIBLE. He doesn't last more than 4 minutes, and once he reaches the four minutes mark, he spurts his disgusting seed into the condom and goes limp for the rest of the time with him. Even if I squeeze and massage his small member like bitter leave, he will remain limp like golden penny noodles.

That did not stop me from giving two years of my life to him because I genuinely loved him and felt I could cope with the terrible sex; man shall not live by nacks alone. I had met his family, he had met mine, we were literally 5 and 6. We fixed the wedding for January 8 next year. I'm looking at the stupid IV as I'm typing this.

So we closed for the year at my work place on December 24th and I decided to spend the evening with him. We had agreed that no more nights over till the wedding since it was barely a month away, so we might as well start living right before God. None the less, I had closed by 2pm, I didn't look forward to spending the whole evening in my hot apartment alone so I, against better judgement went to his place and let myself in. His line of work doesn't give him the luxury of closing early like me, so the apartment was also empty but he has a generator and AC.

I settled in, began watching movies on his laptop. I don't know the devil that pushed me to leave the film I was watching to start snooping through his files. In my two years of dating I have never gone through his phone or PC because if you cherish your peace of mind, never snoop through your partner's devices otherwise you will see things. What you are looking for, you will find it.

He has this folder in his laptop called 'Don Quixote.exe' which I see all the time. I asked him what it was some time back and he casually said they are program files and if I mess with them, I will disorganize his laptop. The same devil I had earlier mentioned pushed me to open Don Quixote, and behold, what did I see?

Gay porn. Man nacking man. Woman nacking woman. My fiance is gay, I think. Or bi-sexual. I don't know. My hands are shaking again.

I'm so hurt. Photos upon photos of homosexual and lesbian contents. But this is not where the story ends.

After the initial shock of these disgusting photos, I was confused, shocked, disappointed. I quickly shut down the laptop, prepared dinner (Indomie) and cried myself to sleep on the bed because I'm a very emotional person. I took Lexotan so I could sleep.

Around 10, I think, Kingley came back. He didn't know I was in the house because I left the lights off. He, however didn't come back alone. He came back with a guest. A male guest. I know this dude is his lover because I know him from the office and I have always been suspicious of his sexuality. What kind of masculine man wears purple skinny jeans and wiggles his bum when he thinks no one is watching? I also saw a TikTok video of this guy dancing, wiggling his bum and twirling his dreadlocks?

That is the colleague Kingley brought home by 10 in the night.

Anyway, Kingley walked into the bedroom, saw me and the guilt written all over his face made me ask him who was in the parlour with him after hearing another male voice. When he couldn't give a coherent answer, I went to the parlour and saw Uncle Purple Skinny jeans. Now added to the gay porn I discovered in his laptop, you will not blame me for having a meltdown. I yelled, screamed, cussed, threw his ring into the toilet and flushed it. I ordered Uber to my parents house that night and spent 25th chopping breakfast with tears.

Two years, with a bi-sexual man. Or maybe he is gay himself. I don't know. He has been begging me not to expose him to his family, but it's too late. I have told my family and they intend to formally let his family know that their daughter cannot marry a 'confused' man, as my father says.

What do men want?! Two years of my life, plus all the wedding expenses, gone down the drain. I am so heart broken and humiliated.

I don't want to say men are scum because I have a wonderful father and loving brothers, so I will leave it. I'm done with men.

motymop:
I belive you were trained well by your own parents

Take a look at all the topic you have created on nairaland, now how did you turn out after all the tough training

Almost half of your topic are about SEX.

You want to teach another man how to train his own children when you are a disaster.

liya11:
Some of you nairaland guys just like degrading women here,

You don't want to date fine, but allowing yourself to be blackmail into it and talking down on nigeria women, just show how weak you are.

Prettydevil:
So today I realized everyone in my area is talking about how I have no girl in my life for a while. One of them slipped and mistakenly admitted I’m their topic and they feel I cannot approach women.

Now the thing is I’m way beyond approaching women, it’s not an issue of talking to them really more like an issue of me not even replying them. Now my neighbors think I don’t know how to talk to girls but in reality I don’t even reply girls that talk to me. I have a pretty face and I cannot count how many green lights I get from girls every single day, it’s unbelievable..only today a girl told me not to pay for the water I bought from her all cuz I flirted a little with her for fun. It’s that extremely easy for me but the problem is I’m not dating because I haven’t found anyone I like in years.

I don’t know what use a girl will even have in my life, all they offer these days is their body. I don’t see why I should be spending my money on someone just so people can see me strolling with a woman. Why do I need a woman? Why are they emotionally blackmailing me to be strolling with a female by force? Women I have created so many threads about how I think y’all are trying to ruin my life.

Keep gossiping me, I won’t date till I’m probably out of this dead country and then I can meet people who are not seeing me as an “update” to cash out. Rubbish, na by force to date girl?

bjprodint1:
There is no bad woman,what you put into your relationship is what u get.Gabbage in,gabbage out!.Put in love,u get loved.put in respect,you get respected.put in selfishnes,she shows u d true meaning of selfishness.Make her your queen,you become her king.The list goes on.so before you insult women,check yourself.udo!

skylane:
you hit the nail on the head thanks

Watermountains:
You saying that Africans won’t wake means you’ve basically accepted defeat in your own life and in your own race. But am sure you didn’t give up on opening your options to marry outside your race though. See the contradiction. You should learn to strategize and stop waiting for someone to put for your hand. Governments are corrupt everywhere. Politics are put to rule over people. You cannot expect a change in a system intended to be corrupt. Save yourself stop waiting on a savior. That’s the problem of many Africans. And you cannot tell me what I should deal with first. How can you advise anyone what to deal with when you don’t even have faith in hope in your race and people LOL? Who’d take your “advice” seriously? Maybe someone who cannot reason like a African that has a true sense of identity. You are just one Nigerian. Not all Nigerians think like you. Am convinced you people are paid to troll online. Because if it’s for free then?? Lol

Watermountains:
Yes I’ve seen it a lot as well, it’s like, no other group of black people contradict ourselves and worship everything nonblack like some Black people in America and some Nigerians do. It is such a shame.
But telling your sisters to never go for Black men because of the actions of some black men is one of the worst things you could’ve ever told your sisters and this is coming from a black woman that has has many bad experiences with black men but will still never give up on black men. What about the men in your family? Are they reflections of those bad apples in our community? There are amazing black men in the world even in Nigeria too. I just cannot and will not give up and turn my back on my ally, the amazing black man, in his full potential, that is. My natural protector and provider. My father is a Black man. Both of my parents are Black Africans. I’d be giving up on myself even. Now I cannot stand self hating black people for anything but I’d never go as far as settling for another race of men because of a few bad experiences within our race. Precisely and even factually, nobody can understand me and treat me like my own black man can. These other races may have money but what is money without respect? I won’t even date a black man that has money but no self respect and integrity talk less of a nonblack person with money but no cultural and spiritual, genetic connection. I only mentioned money as an example because most people will bring this up as if it’s everything in the world. But then again most people are materialistic, worship money and idolize people too especially celebrities. Shaaaa it is what is is.
The minds of our people must change because our mentalities are so very corrupted. Anyways it is well and will be well for us Africans in the future. I suppose we are waking up from this slumber we are in slowly but surely.

Iyaebe:
He will still cheat,men that are pampered are heavily prone to cheating than the ones who is having it slightly hot at home. Women should learn to create fears in their husband's heart(make he subtly dy fear you but dont be wicked)so that whenever he's having the intention of messing around, he'll have a rethink knowing fully well what you are capable of doing. Pamper your husband only when he's old and tired.Don't quote me please.

sirjamesjnr:
. As stated in my post, relationships are for the "men". How you weather the storm of life makes you a man. A guy that was getting to know my girl, move from being friends to asking her for a nice time, even when my girl informed him about her relationship status. When I saw the chat, I delete his number, block him then proceed to create some red lines. I simply take charge. I am not been called a man because I have a dick but I can handle situations. You should be concerned about the present not what happened in the past.

Creativeace:
First of all i aint no simp and never will be, i have always been a person that respects myself a lot before men and women, but everything escalated when i encountered the redpill.

I was 19 when i was exposed to TRP, out of academic and hustling stress i started reading threads on nairaland and i no time as a lover of knowledge became hooked on ubunja's miseducations and after practising TRP for two years going now, i cant really say it has won me favour in the eyes of people, especially women.

I broke up with the first and only girlfriend ive had, because i changed drastically over night because i was high on the pill, my circle of guys started leaving me out cos i suddenly became the odd one out.

Girls started giving me attitude, cos i reduced the attention i gave out, so i decided to take it to the extreme and went all out ignoring all of them.

Lets cut the story short, am toxic, alone, with no female attention to validate my ego, so i decided to fuel my ego some other way, by making money... typing

Charmingrascal:
I didn't want to share this but I was motivated by someone who created a thread on how his ex has been calling him
https://www.nairaland.com/6722392/ex-never-stops-calling-me#105224144

It's a long thread but please read to the end.

I dated this girl when I was kind of younger around 19-20 years while we were still dating she travelled out of Nigeria (to Libya) without informing me, infact without informing any of her family members according to what I found out. After like Three years I, got her message on Facebook requesting for my number (I was in the University then) I gave her the number and we started chatting.

She pleaded that I should forgive her that she still loved me and all. We got along real good because she really changed, more matured and fresh. The girl I was dating in school then got to know and we had issues. The girl picked her number and called her to leave me alone but instead of living me alone she blasted the girl and even involved one of her friends then they insulted the girl and told her that she met me first and the girl should leave me alone.
She was working and was always sending me money then and promised to come home soon.

She also confessed to me that she had a baby for one guy there but they were not married.
To cut it short she came to Nigeria around 2018 and brought many things for me and we continue our bleeping spree. (I got an STD through her then). Then I had to go for service (NYSC) in 2019 we were apart again, unfortunately while I was serving I got to know from her close friend that that she was cheating (the friend wanted me too) Infact I was told that she was constantly sleeping in the guy's house.

I told her on phone that I knew about how she was cheating, she begged and ask me to forgive her (that was 2019).

Fast forward after service I stayed back in Abuja because I got a job. To cut it short I got to know that she was pregnant for another guy in Nigeria, she hid it for me, she wouldn't send me her full pictures but she later told me when it was obvious she couldn't hide it no more, infact the guy wanted to marry her, she told me she wasn't going to marry the guy that the pregnancy was just a mistake, I personally convinced her to stay with the guy since she told me herself that the guy liked her so much and was taking care of her and her first baby.
Then this girl said she would stay with him on the condition that I would still be dating her. I was shocked and surprised I refused and told her that I will never be involved in such an illicit affair.

While this girl was heavily pregnant she was sending nude pictures and was constantly begging me that we should continue having sex, it continued till early 2021 even after the guy engaged her, I refused I blocked her on Facebook where she was sending the nudes to, she started sending it to my WhatsApp and I blocked her there too.

Now she has given birth and I am presently In the state where she resides with her husband, (that's where I am from too) I don't know how she found out that I am around and she has been calling me still begging for sex.

I wanted to report her to her brother and sister who were aware of our relationship back then but a friend asked me not to report her, infact some of them are telling me to give her what she wants (the bad guys that I have) Lol
I have warned her to desist from making such request but she is still requesting to just see my face, as at 2 days ago she was still begging to see me, I told her I was going back to my base yesterday maybe that's why she hasn't called me yet.

I am a young man of 28 years and one of the vow I have vowed is never to sleep with another man's wife except I am not aware that she is married.

I can snatch careless men girlfriends but not to sleep with another man's wife or fiancee.

I fear karma.

I am sharing this to tell men to be very careful with the kind of women they call wife.
Her attitude makes me have phobia for marriage I swear.

A married young lady with a loving husband still begging an ex for sex is too bad and I feel sad for her husband who might be beating his chest that his wife will never cheat on him.

Nijagogetsense:
Female boss are the easiest personality to deal with. It's not about them, it is about you.

When dealing with a female boss, one thing you need to master is your emotions. Forget your ego and stoop to conquer. Make sure you always compliment them. Anytime she make a decision, flatter her and say you look up to her. Bingo! You're starting to getting her fall into your trap. She will start thinking about you. Don't stop there, buy her gifts. Compliment her. Make sure you know more about her. Make her a friend. Be interested in her like a family. But never lose yourself. Be professional in your work. Watch as events unfold and she will be fond of you.

Mikester:
It may seem that most men appreciate a woman like this or most women feel comfortable sharing the bills but it isn't really true.

However, the reality is that most men feel emasculated in such situations and most women will not submit totally to their husbands nor give them due reverence while sharing the bills which pierces the man's ego and make him demand respect through physical actions which hardly ends well for both.

It is best a man remains the provider. Men should hope and work towards being rich and comfortable, this is how most homes remain happy and satisfied with less trouble from the woman.

That's what I know.

Iyaebe:
I had a friend in primary school whose aunty(as he made us believe) always spoil him with lots of goodies and gift items but later got to know few years back that the supposed nice aunty was his father's concubine.I asked him why he never told his mum about it and he said it was against the bro code(imagine applying bro code on your beloved mum).I have seen situations where fathers who lived with their sons but away from his family home due to their work condition engage in these acts and the secret is been kept from their mum. Why do you guys hide such secrets from your darling beloved mum? Don't you feel like you are a partner in crime by not telling her?

Zuchey91:
Our upbringing is totally different, he comes from a family where women are supposed to be suffering and still be silent...this I found out after marriage...and I come from a family where women have a say.

I know how it would end if I tell him about it and I am not ready to go down that road. I am tired of the constant quarrels.
I can say I have gotten to my elastic limit and I have no strength of fighting for this union anymore in me.

Iyaebe:
I repeat no man can shift a lady's womb stop deceiving yourselves. Women moaning in pleasure does not equate to womb shifting, it is unwise for a man to think he can win a sex competition with any lady.

LOGICALKEN:
So I met this lady in 2019 through a mutual friend, after few weeks of getting to meet her we started dating. She is 29 and I’m 31. She’s based in Benin where she works and I am in Lagos.

The agreement was that after our wedding she will join me in Lagos which she agreed. Our relationship has been going on smoothly which made me do the introduction January this year and I’ve told her the wedding will be by January next year, which she knows I am making adequate preparation to that effect. I even had to get involved in a monthly contribution of 30k which is done in her workplace, I told her she should collect 2 slots so we can save enough for the wedding. She has never made any financial request that i did not grant.

Just two months ago she started acting all weird, I have asked her what the problem was and she would say nothing. She stopped picking my calls and told her parents I offended her, I called her to know what my offense was and she said I should forget. God knows I have never deliberately done anything to upset her. Just yesterday morning she called to tell me she is done with the relationship which left me so confused and devastated. I have already paid for cow and all the wines we will use for the wedding and now she has called it off.

Please nairalanders what could possibly be my offense? I have thoroughly searched my heart and I can’t seem to remember when I offended her.

Ochason:
What have I done to deserve this kind of betrayal....
I really feel so depressed cos of the betrayal that I have been through. So, I got married in 2018. My husband is a medical personnel in the US. When we got married, we started to work on my papers and it was not forth coming. So, I got a tourist visa to go and join him for a year while still working on permanent papers.
My husband is a very loving man and I bless God for him. Through out the first year of our marriage, we tried to get pregnant all through but nothing happened. I had to come back to home after my one year ended to apply again. while I was here, the pandemic and lock down happened. So, I could not go back to my husband for almost a year.We spoke everyday during the pandemic. Always telling each other that we miss each other. So after the lock down, I have been trying to get back to my husband. I have compiled all my papers and waiting for my husband to send me the necessary documents so I can include them in the application.
Since them, my husband has been giving me one excuse or the other for why he has not sent the documents. He said he has been busy, bla bla. I know his job keeps him busy yes but this his behavior is strange. I just began to get worried that he is not making this a priority. Sometimes, I will even call him and he will not answer.
I became worried and called his elder sister in US. She then told me she will call me back. Last month, she fixed a zoom meeting with me and my husband and it was in that meeting that my husband told me that he has something to confess to me. His voice was shaking. He knelt down and told me he has done something bad and wants me to forgive him.
He said he slept with a coworker during the lockdown and the lady is pregnant. That the lady told him that she was going to remove the pregnancy but he told her no because he has been looking for a baby since we got married. The lady said the only way she will keep the baby is if he will marry her, that she will not have a baby outside wedlock.That he told her he is already married but the lady said that is the only way she will keep the baby. So, that is why he has been avoiding bringing me back to the US. That he loves me and he does not want to let me go but he just wants the woman to have the baby and maybe later they can divorce when the baby is born and then I can come back to join him. I thought he and his sister were pulling my legs cos I just left the meeting and went to cry my eyes out. After several days of calling and me rejecting his call, my husband and I spoke and he still kept begging me. He swears that he will divorce the woman after she gives birth. That he just wants to make sure she keeps his child.
This whole thing makes me want to just end my marriage but I love my husband so much. He now calls me everyday, asking for forgiveness and I want to just try and see his reasoning but his reasoning is so selfish. Just because I have not had a baby in just three years of marriage. Just because I was not around during a pandemic…he has s8x with another woman and has a baby and marries her and he wants me to forgive him?
what kind of wickedness is this? Do I deserve this? My family is divided about this. Some members of my family want me to call it quits while some, want me to remain after all, he is still my husband. My husband wants to come back to Nigeria this summer to beg and make up but I don’t know id I want to see him. I don’t think the pain I feel will ever go away.
I loved and trusted this man. I don’t trust him anymore. I cannot even talk to him even though I love him so dearly. My heart has been shattered in pieces. Of what use is being married? Just to wait that he eventually divorces his US wife maybe in another 2 or 3 years? I really am heartbroken. If you were in my shoes, what will you do? Will you forgive and wait for such a man to divorce the other woman or would you move on? Please advise.

Yves4real:
That may be one of the "don't" in his pre-marriage checklist. His choice and I respect it. But the separation should be on a mutual agreement.
Imagine dude looking for a job in the nearest future and one of the lady's siblings is the CEO of the company. Everyone that applauded the man for his decision now will come out to preach forgiveness.
Future events could come as a surprise no matter how much you prepare for it.
In general, be careful of the way you slam/walk out of the door opened for you by others because you may need to pass through that door tomorrow.

Citygal:
He marrying her doesn’t mean he would have to shoulder their responsibilities and there has to be an agreement to that.

He probably doesn’t love for real.

bodybuilder:
One of the biggest delusion of guys is comparing there financial status to that of girls. A girl can be broke and still out of league don't deceive yourself, women aren't judged by finances, they're judged majorly by their looks. A girl is out of your league simply because the other men that want her are out of your league. As an average guy, what's your chance with a girl that rich guy wants? That is it.

LikeAking:
Our proplem is not only govt, but the Nigerian mentality.

All the sectors have a similar issue. Some state govt have also built fantastic hospitals.

Southernigbo:
I understand that there are so many beautiful young ladies who have never been married before, but then not all divorces and windowed ladies are bad, too old or whatever negativity any person might want to associate with them. In fact, many of them are far better in all ramifications than these slayqueens parading as young girls. In essence my advise to young n old guys out there is that, just as you consider young girls for marriage, don't exclude these divorces n windowed women. Don't see them as women who are sex-deprived who should be taken as lovers n temporary sex mates.

LikeAking:
You are wrong.

LikeAking:
LIES! LIES!! LIES!!!

The med chairman should first of all tell us the current number of doctors in the country, lets do the maths. Without that info all his claims are baseless.

We need figures.


The Nigerian doctors are not actually doing their jobs that the real problem. They are busy hustling private practice with government time.

This is not govt fault.

our docs are lacadesical. I know sabi spell this word o, but i sabi talk am. chai!

wyt:
We have being in talks since January. We met in late February, then she visited me in late March. We started talking of marriage.

Now she is in my house for 4 months as she is doing her IT here. She found out I am not as buoyant as she wishes, as my business is dragging due to stuff I ordered that is coming through sea hasn't arrived, in fact, will arrive in late October or November.

We scheduled to get married last July but due to the financial issue and her parents saying we have to wait till she is done with school we have to change our plan but she is so bitter that she is not getting married as she planned. She will be going back to school in 2 weeks' time. since

Now, I have discovered that she hardly cum during sex, in fact, she hasn't cum while we make love. She once told me she makes herself cum that is before we met in person around February which she promised to stop.

After she found out my finances is not strong, she got back into chatting with men for cash, yes she told me that is how she makes money to survive in school, that she presents an aura of relationship to men and they will be giving her money, and when she is tired or when the person insist in seeing she will block or just fisle out.

Now she just told me she is lesbian, she is cos she can't get pregnant as her father is a pastor and can be satisfied without the risk associated with men/woman relationships. That she is attracted to women though she hasn't done that for a while as she has prayed against it. She still masturbates while in my house.

Note: she has gone to see my parents and I have met hers.

pls i want to know what i can do to stop her all these social immoralities.

MikeofKd:
Well he's Dad is a really busy person and he doesn't really get along with his dad too much , only his mum and siblings . About d deliverance he has seen a few prophets and they all tell him there s nothing wrong .

Kobojunkie:
A woman does not need to be a man for the importance of her very existence to be equal to that of a man. God made them male and female for His purpose, and no others.

I am guessing you are an intelligent being so have you ever wondered or ever ask yourself why it is only in marriage that men are able to exercise this assumed superiority to women?