₦airaland Forum

Jakumo:
What the phuck.   Think Pink.  

It's all pink, moist, soft and hopefully very slippery on the inside.   Furthermore, they all look the same in the dark.

There are some sahara desert types out there ooooooo. I just dey warn you. Dem dey very, very dry and rough. Some even dry like Mujabi desert ooooo. A word is enough for the wise oooooooo

Mrs, Chima:
You guys shared "intra-roles" responsibilities and that is common in MANY MARRIAGES/RELATIONSHIPS and some couples have a very traditional household, where a man does this and that and a woman does this and that.  

That's what makes the world go around because everyone have different lifestyles that works for their relationship and that is fact.  

Telling/enforcing someone that they should conduct their relationship this way and that way is just foolishness.

which one do you believe in?

Mrs, Chima:
When I told you hours ago, that you can repeat the questions many times, you will STILL GET THE SAME ANSWERS. I meant that.

I suggest you move on from it, don't want you to have a heart attack online.

I did not expect you to answer it because I have observed that you avoid answering questions or give evasive answers. It just shows that you are not woman enough to give facts to back up your so called positions.

At least we know that you are the one who pumps the gas while your so called husband sits in the car.

At least we know that you are the one who opens the door for your man.

At least we know that your man bosom feeds your babies.

At least we know that your man is a house husband.

At least you know that you have at least achieved the equality you want in your marriage, or at best achieved complete dominion over your husband.

Mrs, Chima:
I thought you said I didn't answer the questions?  Make up your mind Forest Gump. 

You just shown how "ignorantly dumb" you are!

Goodness! You call imaginary and implausible response answers?

Mrs, Chima:
I have answered your shitty questions the way I WANTED TO ANSWER IT and YOU WEREN'T man ENOUGH to accept them. 

Not my problems.

that you collectively pump gas is an answer to who pumps the gas?

that you collectively open the door is an answer to who opens the door for you?

that shows how "intelligent" you are!

Mrs, Chima:
You made an Bottom out of yourself when you assumed that I didn't respond to Princek12's question because I didn't have anything to say.  I checked you and told you that I have a life outside of Nairaland and not everyone sits and waits for a reply.  

You are right I am upset because I checked you.    I shouldn't have to be checking those who claimed to have intelligence.  (blank face)  

I have answered his questions, if it isn't the answers YOU were crying for then TOO BAD.  

Move on.

You did not answer any of the questions I asked you. You were not woman enough to answer those questions. You avoid questions when you have nothing to say, or when you know that the answer is hurtful to your position.

nene1:
I don't see anything wrong with this list. In fact this is how I want my marriage to be. BOTH partners are doing work in the relationship. if my man is cleaning the yard, washing our cars, fixing things in the house, I would be happy to cook and clean and take care of the kids. It is a fair list and splits the work fairly. Even if I am working, which I still plan to do when I get married, I don't mind doing all those things if he is also doing his part. Plus, when it comes to the kids, I want them to feel like they have a mother. WHo else will take care of your kids if you don't?

Now in circumstances where say, unfortunatley the husband may have lost his job, then he will just do moe to help around then and help with the kids. If both partners have respect, understanding and communication between them, they will work out what is best for them.

I don't think it is demeaning to women as I don't think cooking for your family and keeping your house clean is demeaning. If you want to be treated like a princess, then you should treat him like a prince.

Intelligent and brilliant summation.

Mrs, Chima:
Apparently these men have an issue with their DEPENDENT WIVES and feel that they need to contribute to the house as well.   Let it go. 

If being able to speak my mind without legal persecution is Feminist, I proudly wear the crown.   

Don't let chauvinism kill you.

Like I said, the so called dependent wives can contribute, and there is nothing wrong with that if the parties decide that is what they want to do.

Like I said from my post, it is a discussion about PRIMARY responsibility, not ABSOLUTE responsibility. There is a difference between both, and I have stated it. The fact that a man asks his woman to contribute does not remove it from being his PRIMARY responsibility.

Mrs, Chima:
Read slowly.  

The men that I have heard OUTSIDE OF NAIRALAND in all RACES have complained their WIVES are too dependent on them and they need to contribute to the relationship financially.  

Loving a wife or a husband doesn't have a damn thing to do with paying bills.  If that was the case, many people would be at the bank cashing their loves to pay their house and car notes.  If both parties need to work to sustain the household then IT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.  

Pride is one of the seven deadliest sins.  Don't let it consume you.

you have allowed feminism to skew your ability to use common sense to look at how a man and a woman deals together. Gold digging is another issue, and I have not said that there is anything wrong with a woman contributing financially to the upkeep of the house. What I have said is that there are certain primary duties that each party in the relationship has.

And a woman being too dependent on a man does not mean she is a gold digger. Being a gold digger is all about the intent of the woman:whether she is dating the man solely for the man's money. A man who is taking care of the upkeep of the house can still have a woman who works and makes her own money, which she spends on herself.

How does a man being primarily responsible for taking care of the bills of the house translate to a woman being too dependent on the man. I never said that the woman cannot work and make her own money if she chooses to do so.

Mrs, Chima:
Thanks.    Some people are romantically r3tarded unfortunately.

I am glad you know that. You are not woman enough to answer a simple question, but you have the audacity to say some people are romantically retarded.

I smell romantic retardation in "collectively" pumping gas at the pump.

Mrs, Chima:
Hmm.  

What gets me is when many of them (men) complain that women depends on them TOO MUCH like gold diggers THEN say that women need to support themselves as well.  

The roles listed above is exactly what a dependent woman with no power or hidden agendas will do.

The gold digger situation is where a woman dates a man solely for the purpose of deriving a monetary or other benefit. We are not talking about that here. Here, we are talking about a man providing for his wife and family, which markedly differs from a gold digging arrangement. Presumably the wife loves her husband and vice versa, and whatever money you spend on her should not be a reason for calling her a gold digger.

horny4u:
Man
Being the provider;Yes
making sure there is food on the table; YES
making sure the utilities are on; YES
washing the car(s); YES PLS
cutting the grass and maintaining the yard, if any; EMPLOY SOMEONE ELSE PETTY HUSTLE
being the final decision maker; YES FREES ME TO SUBMIT , PREFER TO A Taken In Hand MARRIAGE ANYWAY
head of the household; OH YES
making sure his wife get Enough Intimacy; YES PLS
changing the light bulbs other things that need to be replaced; and YES PLS
making sure that the car(s) are maintained and in good working order. YES




Woman
Washing dishes; YES
Doing the laundry, including folding and ironing; YES
cleaning the house; YES
cooking the food; YES
getting the kids ready for the school, if there are kids in the relationship; BOTH OF US O; KIDS NEED TO GET BOTHS ATTENTION
changing the diapers of the baby, if needed; BOTH OF US O
assistant to the head of the household; and YES
satisfying her husband sexually. YES SIR

In my opinion when it concerns kids we are going to giving them equal attention : its important for their balance, I am not for the papa provides and disappears , he will play football with our soon and suwe with our daughter no matter how silly it makes him seem, Dad daycare o.
I agree to all else, there is strong power in letting my man take the decision jare, i can relax.

God Bless You

I agree with you, too, that the father should be actively involved with his children's lives, including playing with them and changing diapers. Like I said, it is not a hard and fast rule, but just a guide of primary roles.

MsDarkSkin:
i agree with the list.

HOWEVER,

Satisfying the man s3xually (if and only when he is in the mood) and the man being the final decision maker?

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

For all else I am 'ok' with them. I dont see anything wrong with a woman taking care of domestic duties so long as the man does the physical labour to provide for the household. Its about being fair.

When I mean final decision maker, I do not mean that he has to unilaterally make decisions. Decision making should be done by both parties, but the man should be the final decision maker when both parties cannot reach a decision. When that happens, someone has to call the shot, and who other than the head of the household. You can only have one captain in the ship, one captain of a plane,one president in a country, and of course, one head of a household. Please correct me if I am wrong.

I have to give you credit for at least being practical and fair, as not many women on Nairaland are fair.

Mrs, Chima:
The answer is still the same. Pay attention to the keyword: collectively.

so you "collectively' go to the fuel pump, collectively hold the nozzle, and collectively pump the fuel.

You collectively open the door for each other.

Awwwww!!! That is so romantic!.

claremont:
The main question I have is; where do these so-called "primary roles" come from, who invented them?! If it is culture, then my comments still stands. Someone who is from a different culture will not buy-in to these roles. If the roles stem from religion i.e. the Bible states that a woman should be a "help-meet" to the man, it still doesn't hold water because religion is not in a position to define primary roles for human beings. If you say a lot of these roles are based on "biological dispositions", then you are completely wrong again; let's not even go there.

The roles come as a result of biological disposition. If you took biology in school, and you studied the female and male propensities in lower animals, you will understand what I am talking about. Most of what I wrote transcends all cultures.

Let me ask you some questions:

Who proposes to who in a relationship?

Who buys the engagement ring?

If you and your hubby drive to a fuel station, who comes out of the car to hold the nozzle and pump the gas in the car?

When you and your hubby approach the entrance to a building, and if both of you have free hands, who opens the door for whom?

Give me the reasons for your answer?

Outstrip:
I think having the mentality that this is woman's work or this is man's work leads to taking each other for granted which leads to resentment. When you have that mentality you tend to minimize what the other person contributes afterall it is what they are supposed to do. No big deal. Having said that though I am willing to lean towards roles that women typically play as some of the ones he listed. Are those roles as a result of nuturing or they are actually a biological disposition as he has stated. Everything on his list works both ways in my household and in the households of my close circle of married friends and it works. The list you have on there basically in summary says the woman does every single thing the man does. The whole assist the man thing simply means that if the man fails the woman picks up the slack. Then who is the assistant to the woman. It is not a balanced formular and it is doomed to fail

The whole assistant to the head of the household thingy inheres in the fact that there can only be one captain to ship--one head in a household. The man, I say, should be the head of the household.

As to picking up the slack when one party cannot perform his primary responsibilities, it applies to both men and women. If the man cannot perform, the woman picks up the slack; and if the woman cannot perform, the man picks up the slack.

Tell me how the formula is not balanced.

And who is the head of your own household, if you have any head of household?

Nashville:
Electoral reform is the answer!

When our leaders know and understand that they can be voted out if they do not perform, then they will sit up and do what is necessary. The reason why our leaders are doing nothing at the moment is that they believe they can always "buy their way" back to office. If there are real elections and voters understand the power of their votes, our leaders will be forced to fight corruption and we will all join in.

good point

randyorton:
[size=18pt]corruption is in almost all of us. we should look at ourselves instead of pointing fingers at the politicians. Most of us would do worse if we get the chance to be in government.[/size]

GBAM!

Mrs, Chima:
1. Who buys the gas? ??? It comes out the family budget that we both have established collectively. I mean WTF. Why the hell I even answered this question?

2. Oga Chima, but it has nothing to do with a man's role. It is a courtesy thing to do when a person has a hand full or unable to open the door.

If I see a disabled man trying to open the door with his foot, I am not going to sit back and say that's a man's role to open the door for me. Give me something tangible and sensible.

You are importing facts and assuming facts into the question so as to come to a suitable answer for you. You essentially made up your questions.

Let me repeat.


I did not ask you about who buys or pays for the gas. I asked you who[b] pumps[/b] the gas? Does your hubby sit in the car while you pump the gas?

I did not ask you whether someone has his or her hands full and that the other person opens the door. If neither you or your hubby has anything on his hands, as you approach the door, do you open the door for your hubby so that he can walk through, or does your hubby open the door for you so that you can walk through the door?

Do you open the car doors for your hubby when you approach the car, or does your hubby (even if it is on occasion) open your car doors for you?

2buff:
If u plan on living anywhere else in the world that is not nigeria, best throw a good chunk of that "role" mentality out the window.
U 2 get together and make things work.

That is not true. There are men who are still men. There are too many wussies who call themselves men these days, so that is why they would be willing to wear the skirt in the relationship.

Beync:
swich the roles, mix the roles, men and women play all these roles depending on circumstances.
let's erase all these hard and fast gender roles, even thou we know our roles as men and women.
Anyone can do anythin to suit situation thing are no longer same.
In reality, man has not been solely responsible for puting food on the table.
Op, Do you mean you will not cook food for your children in the absence of ur wife becos u it's not ur role?
Or would u expect ur wife to stay in the dark room till u come back before u can change the bulb becos it's not her role?

Do you read? If so do you comprehend what you read? If you answer yes to both questions then read what I posted and you will find answers to the concerns you posted. I have addressed them.

I said if the other party is unavailable or cannot perform her primary role then the other party should step in and perform.

Mrs, Chima:
Because I disagree with some of the examples you provided and I know the vocal men will object to my disagreement.  

Washing, cleaning, and care for children isn't a woman's role.  It is a role to though who are able to move their legs.  Each household has it own's roles and responsibilities and many people have maids, drivers, nannies, and nurses in their homes so the woman of the house may not be doing any of those roles which goes back to the fact that each household has different roles and responsibilities that is suitable for that household.  

A man is a representative of the household but he isn't legally responsible for the parties in the house.  What are the roles of the man that is disabled and invalid?  If we are going to paint a set roles and responsibilities of men and women, it has to make sense and not sexist.  

A woman's responsibility isn't to provide sex to her husband, but being flexible with pleasing her husband and she is an equal mate, not a slave concubine.

Answer these simple questions: (1) If you and your hubby were driving and you drove into a gas station to buy gasoline/petrol. Who pumps the gas? You or your hubby?

(2) If you are going into a building that has a door, who opens the door? You or your hubby?

freecocoa:
That's something to think about o,I've not really thought about that aspect of it,though I wouldn't want my partner making decisions that don't ogre well with me.
I have a question btw,the decision we are talking about,does it include ones that are strictly about the woman? Say something like she wants to cut her hair and her husband says no,what will happen in such a case?

No. the decision I am talking about would not involve the woman. I am talking about situations where both parties cannot unanimously agree on a decision that does not involve the woman, which calls for someone to have the final say.

claremont:
Very subjective list based on your own impression of what you believe it is.

A man/woman has no primary role, the roles you stated there are all interchangeable between both sexes. The interchangeability of the roles is based on factors such as culture, religion, upbringing, e.t.c. As far as I know, there are no objectively defined roles for a man or a woman. By "objectively defined roles", I mean a role that can only be played by one party, and in whose absence, the role cannot be played by the other party. None whatsoever!

What you say sounds good in theory but, as a practical matter, has no teeth. Who says a man or a woman has no primary role? A lot of these roles are based on biological dispositions, many of which are common to many cultures. If I may ask you, while you were growing up, assuming you grew up in a nuclear family, were there any roles that were more likely than not performed by your mother and not your father, and vice versa?

And you kind run your mouth as much as you want, you will not likely find a husband, particularly an African husband if you so desire, if you do not know how to cook.

Mynd_44:
I went back to read it and discovered that it is absolutely nonsense of the higest order.
Caveman thinking. That is even an insult to cavemen. Who set set this duties? What of in cases where the man is umemployed? What if the woman a job and she runs shift? What if they stay in different continents? What if the woman like washing cars and the man like doing laundry? When the woman travels, who does laundry, when the man travels, who washes the cars?
I pity whoever came up with that crap up there

You must have failed reading comprehension in school. I said so because had you passed reading comprehension, you would have comprehended that I addressed the contingencies you stated. Read again and see if you can find the answer.

freecocoa:
I disagree with the man being the "final decision maker" it should be made unanimously by both of them.

And I'm not sure ironing of a man's clothe is one of my strong suits,I can't turn to a washing machine either atleast not for a boyfriend.

being a final decision maker does not mean that the decision making does not have to be unanimous, and I wholeheartedly agree with you that decision making has to be unanimous. However, in the instances where no unanimity can be reached while making a decision, someone has to be a final decision maker. Who should that person be? I say the man holds the power to make those decisions. Your opinion.

Mrs, Chima:
Because I disagree with some of the examples you provided and I know the vocal men will object to my disagreement.  

Washing, cleaning, and care for children isn't a woman's role.  It is a role to though who are able to move their legs.  Each household has it own's roles and responsibilities and many people have maids, drivers, nannies, and nurses in their homes so the woman of the house may not be doing any of those roles which goes back to the fact that each household has different roles and responsibilities that is suitable for that household.  

A man is a representative of the household but he isn't legally responsible for the parties in the house.  What are the roles of the man that is disabled and invalid?  If we are going to paint a set roles and responsibilities of men and women, it has to make sense and not sexist.  

A woman's responsibility isn't to provide sex to her husband, but being flexible with pleasing her husband and she is an equal mate, not a slave concubine.

I see you have disagreed with my assertion that washing, cleaning, and taking care of children is not a woman's primary responsibility, but you have not disagreed with my assertion that doing the yard work, cleaning the car, etc , is a mans primary responsibility.

So in your household who does the cooking, cleaning, etc? Your husband?

Mynd_44:
There is no link to a blog sha. Got to go read it

which kind blog you dey talk about?

Mrs, Chima:
Where are the men with sense at?  I am ready to fight!  

Why do you want to fight? What is wrong?

The below list is not exhaustive, and it only represents the primary roles of each sex. When necessary, the other sex can step in and help in making sure the responsible party performs his or her duties. But each sex has the primary responsibility of making sure that the duties designated to him or her gets done. Also, if the other sex is sick, unavailable, or if any condition renders him or her from being unable to perform his or her duties, the other sex should step in and perform the duties.

Man
Being the provider;
making sure there is food on the table;
making sure the utilities are on;
washing the car(s);
cutting the grass and maintaining the yard, if any;
being the final decision maker;
head of the household;
making sure his wife get Enough Intimacy;
changing the light bulbs other things that need to be replaced; and
making sure that the car(s) are maintained and in good working order.




Woman
Washing dishes;
Doing the laundry, including folding and ironing;
cleaning the house;
cooking the food;
getting the kids ready for the school, if there are kids in the relationship;
changing the diapers of the baby, if needed;
assistant to the head of the household; and
satisfying her husband sexually.



Please add to the list if you have anything to add.

You better find ladies in their late 20s or early 30s, or at most those who are in their mid to late 30s. Why would you want some used or washed-up 40 something year old ladies? All those ladies with high mileage who are probably ex ashys, which is why many of them are not married.

Naija is not like Yankee where you can find attractive 40 something year old ladies. In Yankee a good percentage of them work out and still have nice shapes. In Naija those available 40 something usually have pot bellies because all they eat is pounded yam and akpu without regard for exercise and eating veggies. Na so so carbs dem go dey chop and dem no go exercise or enter gym.

I pity you.

Do you think that in order to end corruption in Nigeria, that it would have to start from the top, that is, start from the people at the helm of government. Or do you think that it would have to start from the bottom, that is, start from ordinary Nigerians like you and me. Either way, it has to start somewhere. I'd love to hear from my intelligent Nairaland brethren.