₦airaland Forum

toyflare:
Warning! Long post alert!
Men get molested, and we hide it because it's either unbelievable or sounds ridiculous. My life as a kid until adulthood wasn't funny at all. First, it was the neighbor's housemaid, I was about 7 at that time and my parents were busy with work so I had to stay at my neighbor's house after school till our house maid is back from school. One day I went there, the maid called me into the kid's room and took away my clothes, made me lay down and did things I didn't understand as a child. It was confusing, and I really didn't understand what she was doing but I remember she was on top of me unclad swinging back and forth. This continued after a while, then I told mom. She didn't understand me, so I stopped going there myself and our maid told my mom she met me outside when she came back from school. I guess this made her believe me, so I had to wait in school then.

Then I was molested again by my own friend f4cking best friend turned gay! I was 10 then, and my friend was 6 years older. He was enrolled in a boarding school, I guess he learned the shit from there. When he came back he would always come to the house as usual when I noticed when we play, he touched my genitals and I wasn't comfortable with it. One day I went to his house, he was alone and locked up the place, said he wants to show me something in the room and I followed him. He went to the kitchen and brought a knife, told me to take off all my clothes or he will stab me. I was like haha very funny and he started swinging the knife and told me he joined a cult group and I shouldn't dare him. I was scared as fvck, took my clothes off with speed, he ordered me to lay on the bed and started the thing (can't go into detail cause it makes me sick) but I cried so much. Then after it he was like don't worry, you will start enjoying it soon. So I stopped going to his house but he kept coming to my house and I would lock my self inside the room and my dad will come knocking that my friend is here and I should come out. Then he started begging me that his not in any cult group, but was attracted to him. I didn't care to listen to him! So one day he came with a fancy toy and told my Lil bro he got it for him, but won't give it to him unless I followed him home. So my Lil bro asked me to go get the toy for him and I refused so he started crying, I couldn't tell him what was going on. He was very little at that time and wanted his toy, so I agreed to go, but my plan was to take the toy and fight with my friend if he tried anything stupid , so I went with my brother (my friend lives across the street) but when we got there he insisted I come in alone or he won't give it to me. My brother was like okay I'm going home . So I went in and he locked the door, I asked him for the toy and he said he won't give it to me unless I let him touch me again, I said no!!! And headed for the door, he grabbed me and pushed me to the chair I tried pushing him off but he was very much stronger than I was. Long story short, he did it again, gave me to the toy, I went to him, gave it to Lil bro and he hugged me. I went into the room and cried seriously asking God to forgive me. But it didn't stop here, it continued for years until I got older and strong enough and fought him one day before it all ended. Up till now, I still haven't told my brother what really happened.

Then again 3 years ago I was raped by my church group leader! I won't mention the church. This woman is married and older than my own mother! All her 3 kids are schooling in the UK! Her husband is a manager in one of the top oil companies ( Name withheld). At my workplace, I was working in the customer care sector and meet clients daily. Lots of sugar mummy's wanted me to be there son, some told me directly others where hiding about it but opened up later. This woman was just good to me and at the same time always preaching to me about Jesus so I didn't suspect her in any way. She invited me to her church because I just moved to the state recently and didn't have a church at that time. So I started worshipping at her church, so one day she invited me to her house fellowship and I went, after the fellowship she asked me to wait behind so I could help her tidy the place and I did before I left she gave me 4k for TP, I refused but she insisted so I took it. I kept going for house fellowship every week and she always gave me TP (4k, 6k, 10k). Every time I asked her why she gave me so much just for transport, she will say she's encouraging me because she knew I wasn't earning much.
So one day I went for house fellowship, as usual, I stayed behind to arrange the place, then took the plates to the kitchen. I noticed someone walk into the kitchen and turned off the light I was like, ma did you off the light? She said yes. I said okay... But I'm still using it, she didn't answer me and kept walking close to me then suddenly hugged me. I just stood, and was like ma is there any problem, she said no! And kept hugging me. After a while she let me go and I rushed off the kitchen and started gathering my stuff to go home. But when I wanted to open the door, I noticed it was locked! I searched for the keys and it wasn't where it supposed to be. I started calling for her and told her I couldn't find the keys, she said she kept it in her daughter's room I should go there and take it. I went there to look for it but couldn't find the keys, so I told her and she said she's coming to get it but she didn't come out, she was inside her room and refused to answer me. I stood there thinking of what to do next, then my girlfriend started calling me! I told her I just left the fellowship and she was shouting at me that it's almost 11 pm and I'm not back yet, I pleaded with her that we had a meeting blah blah blah. I ended the calling and started calling madam to come open her door let me go home for christ sake. The woman no gree, I called my roommate and told him the situation of things and he told me not to worry, I shouldn't answer my girlfriends call again, he will call her and tell her my phone was stolen and they beat me up but I'm home sleeping.
I was there waiting in the sitting room till past twelve before she opened the door almost unclad and was smiling at me. At this moment I was already angry asked her to open the door let me go and she started shouting at me before I knew it she slapped me! And my body went cold instantly. She said I should forget about going home today except I do what she says. Then the next minute she started begging me that she's sorry, she's lonely and needed someone to talk to. I couldn't say anything, as she was begging her hands were already going inside my Jeans. I was like Ma please I beg you in the name of God please stop let me go. I started preaching to her that she's married and this is evil the woman stood up and started crying that she's sorry it's the devil's hand work.
At that point, I thought everything was fine but I need to leave immediately! She told me the key is in her child's room and where to get it. I didn't trust going into that room alone, but I went anyway, the key wasn't where she said it was. And I as I was about leaving the room to go tell her, she's already at the door, then walked in and closed the door. She told me I can't go, and she hasn't had sex in a long time, so If I don't want her to tell her husband I raped her I should allow her do what she wants or she will call her husband and scream on the phone.
My eyes flashed before my eyes again, I tried talking to her again and she started calling him on the phone and put it on speaker phone so I can see she's not playing about it. I thought of going to prison and losing my job and worse ending up in the news. Then I accepted on the condition we use protection, she already had everything with her, even a lubricant! Then I knew she planned the whole thing. The sad truth is at that time I was still a virgin and never had sex with a woman.

Again sorry for the long post, but before you ask what's the name of this movie I really don't care if you believe it or not! And if you think it has no physiological effect then you're very wrong. I'm very withdrawn and find it extremely difficult to trust anyone. I have no friends! I don't ever near a church or want to hear anything about churches. (she attends a big church and I see her on TV sometimes singing praises). The moment I see an older woman I look at you in disgust, and before you say anything I'm already hating you. It's been years and I'm battling depression, so I need sleeping pills to sleep properly. At some point, I turned to drugs and later stopped because of its effects physiologically.
Being forced against your will to have sex is rape! And men get raped too and I don't think it's fun when it's a woman your mother's age and if that's a fantasy for you then you need to get your brain examined.

kmcutez:
Yeah, just as submitting totally to a man will make for a very boring marriage, and the men will go out to look for excitement. We don't live in a utopian world.

Acidosis:
The best way to make your woman resent you is to submit to her. Follow this advice at your own peril.

Hanseel1:
14 year old an house help??

You need to be jailed for child abuse.

GoodKay:
Our courtship was better than now. He didn't really exhibit d temper. Not that he didn't show it at all, he did but definitely not as bad as it is now. I wish he had shown it in full force d way he is now, my dear, u know what im about to say... I been thru a lot after this delivery of this my baby and he knows it. From one doctors appointment to another. For some days now i noticed im having pus coming out of where I was torn to have my baby (C section) its probably infected idk and he knows that cos he can't provide cash for me to see d doctor before my appointment date tomorrow, I had to be managing myself since Friday I started noticing d pus till tomorrow which I have appointment hoping I will get paid by today so I will be able to hold cash incase of treatment. But yet Ive been very cool about everything. At times I wonder how bad I really am. Maybe I've made myself such a dunce hence d lack of respect for me I don't know. I really don't need this trouble in my life right now. Marriage ain't easy. It can just end up being an unnecessary headache all round. Phew!!

LivingFree:
I send you light and love

farouk500:
Is it wrong for a father to kiss his daughter like this?

jeff1607:
how or what was your reaction?

ndidibabe:
I have been finding the type of condom hubby uses to make love to me very painful lately. The name is Kiss. I have always found it tender until recently. I do not know if they have reduced the quality. I have tried to buy some kinda expensive ones from Shoprite but it is not just working.They are always very painful.

Hubby feels bad that I don't enjoy sex with him anymore but that's not the case. I want a way out. Any recommendation??

Thank you.

ndidibabe:
I have been finding the type of condom hubby uses to make love to me very painful lately. The name is Kiss. I have always found it tender until recently. I do not know if they have reduced the quality. I have tried to buy some kinda expensive ones from Shoprite but it is not just working.They are always very painful.

Hubby feels bad that I don't enjoy sex with him anymore but that's not the case. I want a way out. Any recommendation??

Thank you.

sixps:
This is a nice thread. Hello everyone, i am new on nairaland and this is my first post. Have a good day.

jeff1607:
Opinions would be gladly appreciated

bukatyne:
Can you break the difference between respect and love as per your post with examples.

Thanks

donpata:
What u are saying holds no water. The biblical expectation of submission is not possible for a man cos of the way he is wired. There can't be 2 heads in the home. From time immemorial, the pattern has been the woman under the man and the man loving the woman.

Your argument abi question abt whether the man shld not love his wife at all is laughable. Whether a Christian or not, man (male and female) naturally love. Besides, Scripture teaches that the greatest command is to love God. The 2nd is to love others as urself. Sooooo, marriage aside, Scripture expects Christians to love.

Lastly, God's 'foolishness' is greater than ur greatest 'wisdom.' He wired men and women and knows their individual needs. i am married and I interpret my wife's respect for me as a part of love. Respect is paramount. I see love in her respect. For her though, her greatest needs are to say the sweet words to her, buy gifts, take her out, provide for her, hold and cuddle her, protect her, etc. That is her interpretation of love and most of those are things I care less abt.

Plus abt decision making, the man is responsible if his home shatters. Sooooo, every decision must be vetted by him

Sooooo, go get some biblical and biological education

GistmoreNG:
Bride thrilled the audience as she dances for his her husband who uses crutches on their wedding day. This is real love, despite his condition!

http://gistmore.com/bride-dances-husband-uses-crutches-wedding-day-photos

TOMSY:
What I'm trying to tell you is that you can't tell someone to remain rigid such that nobody would be able to HELP him adjust any part of his character that needs adjustment. Of course people have different personalities, but it's not a good thing when you're not open to corrections. Cheers...

TOMSY:
So even if he has a bad character (as clear in his case, then he should'nt allow anyone to change him?. Your own advice weak me o. Imagine him calling them 'psycopaths' behind their backs, just because they are nice to you. SMH for op o.

TV01:
GreatDad19 good evening,

I applaud the way you’ve laid yourself bare here and, unflinchingly taken the kind of thunderous condemnation that can get hurled around. In all you’ve have remained resolutely focused on your desired, and dare I say the right, outcome – restoration of your home. I sincerely hope that this concludes with your testimony to the same!

Do forgive me if I am a little expansive, I like to address the specific and the more general. I’ve read through your 2 threads and get the sense that in all you are a responsible, earnest and serious guy – looking to do your best for your wife and family. That makes you a leader, as you well should be as a man, a husband, and a father.

Do not let imprecation about your less than perfect approach or manner get to you. None of us are, least of all those that are demanding it of you. Whenever I am asked to say a few words at weddings or to an intending couple, I always say to the groom “whether it’s her fault, or your fault, it’s your responsibility”. I see you taking responsibility here – every comment that does not acknowledge that and seek to deride you is mere gainsaying.

I hear your frustration – loudly! You work hard to provide for your family and sex is a right and one of the main things men typically delight in within marriage. It is more than just physical, although those benefits are myriad. It re-affirms the bond and is the one place only the two of you go.

You should actually have moved faster. I have been there, and will say this much. After tackling the issue head on, things were even better than before. Set your sights high, you don’t just want the restoration of your sex life, you want to elevate it to another level. Beyond mere relief, beyond the perfunctory, to the kind you mentally record and playback with a dopey smile on your face when you should be hard at work

Always take stock of your marriage – all areas - and if anything is slipping or awry, take steps to address it sooner rather than later, lest it become entrenched and nigh on intractable.

I can see why you confided in friends, they have generally got your back – especially longstanding ones. But please don’t. At most, one trusted person, preferably an elder, versed in marital issues, as opposed to a peer. You can’t always tell where friendships are going or will end. Your friends may be objective, but no wiser and, one person is sharing, more is broadcasting.

As to the oversensitivity issue, bro’, that is not atypical for your average woman, it’s one of the main ways we differ. You can praise her all day and make one constructive remark. The remark will override all else that came before and possibly much of what comes after. Dude, that thing will seed and grow fruit you will be eating for a long time.

While most men can shrug off most critiscm or spite, most women internalise and fuel their anxieties or insecurities – all the more if they are carrying past trauma that you may not even be aware of.

But now she is yours. It becomes your mandate to instil that sense of security and joy in her, by lovingly building her up. Be firm, be frank, but never verbally caustic, no matter the provocation. And try to not come across as condemnatory, it will build her confidence in sharing things and communicating with you, as opposed to making her clam up or go on the offensive.

It is that communication that will be the bedrock and the way this issue has been difficult to address and festered indicates you have much to do here. As you have laid yourself bare here, do so with here. Not in a way that presents you as weak, or even vulnerable – that is dangerous to the dynamic – but in a way that lets her see she is the first port of call and your trusted confidante.

It would be hard for any spouse to think that their personal issues – and really sensitive ones – are being openly discussed. No, no, no, thrice no. It can progress to a point where the elder I mentioned is superfluous and friends are nowhere. All they see is that smile and your sense of uxory.

So you’ve been derided for you non-project management approach to situations. Listen, I’m a qualified coach and often neglect to apply the model in my personal life. Yes you could have been more considered, played a slightly longer game – it has been 2 years after all – and approached more warily, with the scene properly set.

Pick your self up, dust yourself off, learn the lessons and re-engage. Acknowledge your own cack-handedness, and hands up for the unpleasantness, its violence and has no place in a loving home. But do stress that you know things are not right and you’d like a progressive solution.

Allow your wife lead the conversation and take things at her own pace, but be sure to moderate and not let things slip or fade away. Don’t lose sight of the desired outcome – ensuring she knows what this is and is on-board. There is in all likelihood no quick or easy fix here. The first requirement is the acknowledgement, then the joint will to progress.

Before I forget. I know how easy it is to be flattered by the attentions of others. Most men can be distracted even without attention, but please guard your heart. I don’t believe deep down it’s a road you want to travel, but situations like this can open up a pathway – even if unintended. All the more reason to fix-up at home, that is the best preventative.

Go and get your wife back and get to work. The peace you crave shall be yours, with joy atop

All the best as you build your home and happy shagging

Best
TV

_{...if you believe drop to your knees, if not I can heartily recommend The Lord Jesus Christ...for the joy that is set before you...}

olayemi85:
can u as a woman cope with one hour. Please what is average without been induced with haber or drug?

HeWrites:
You said it all.

Most girls ain't loyal. I don't see myself tying the knot with a lady.. After all we owe each other nothing.

Ishilove:
Because I'm possessed of the wisdom of the ancients

I'm a youth. Not even up to 30...

Ishilove:
Haha!

I'm just a youth who recognises the quality which is missing in contemporary music. From my childhood to adulthood, I listened to music from different eras and perceived a vast difference. As a child, the way i reacted to Bee Gees, Queen and ABBA was always very different from the way I reacted to Run DMC, MC Hammer and disco music. The former had beauty and soul while the latter sounded like...noise.

Quality, my friend.

CastedBlog:
This is serious! An Identical Twins is are currently going viral on the Internet as the they celebrate their birthday in one of the Most Unusual way ways, The Twin boys went completely nude in a bid to mark the day. The photos have since gone viral wth with Over 7k likes and 2k retweets, see more below!

From Ebiwali---
http://www.ebiwalisgossip.com/2018/08/twin-breaks-internet-as-they-goes.html


Cc; Lalasticlala