₦airaland Forum

jennykadry:
It doesn't show nothing, in as much as I am for bride's church the fact is tradition insists on wedding been done in the man's side.He is favouring his inlaws instead of tradition and as far as I am concerned that might be what the mum is talking about

Jealousy? seriously she is not going to be living with them, and if she was the kind mother that wants her way all the time or "or gets un necessarily jealous" then she wouldn't even have accepted his fiancee, she would have told him to come home and come pick a wife"

Go back and read his posts jenny, he said its not his tradition, the mother is only angry because he is favoring the in laws.
I don't think you read his posts properly.
Theres a first time for everything, she might not have been unnecessarily jealous before- that doesnt mean shes not being unnecessarily jealous now! fact is the woman is being childish, it makes absolutely no sense to want to stop a weding simply because things are not being done 'your way'! thats a very bad sign!

jennykadry:
How about the wife making some sacrifices for culture's sake? what if guests refuse to come for the wedding and would rather have it done in the man's village, she'll definitely change it so if she can do that for some people why not her MIL?

thats it right there! one way or another somebody is going to have to make sacrifices, the groom has decided it will be his family. This is the first step to having a successful marriage, be prepared to compromise and sacrifice things cannot always been done your way!
If the mother had a daughter she will be grateful the in laws made such a decision, after your daughter is leaving to become a part of another mans family,picking up his surname and becoming one of you. It shows humility and kindness. Some mother in laws need to go and get it!

jennykadry:
Again how did you come about this?
Thats it

your joking right?your asking me why a GROWN MAN, who cannot make GROWN MAN decisions without the help of his mother is a man with clear issues?
A man who obviously lacks independance as a result of his mother refusing to let go?
A man clearly uncapable of having a family of his own due to immaturity and a 'smothering complex'

jennykadry:
Listen a man can never stay away from his mother, no matter what you do as a wife, YOU CANNOT TAKE AWAY THAT BOND BTW SON AND MOTHER EVEN WITH DISTANCE. You can stay away from her but he won't stay away from his mother. That psoitive love is too strong for another woman to break
Thats it

Nobody is breaking any bonds, just because i get married doesnt mean i will stop loving my mother! it will be very disturbing if i openly revealed to her every moment of my marriage, depended on her to make decisions and asked her opinion whenever my husband made requests. That will be very strange and also embarassing.

The whole point of a marriage is for a man to move on and build a family based on HIS OWN values, if he cannot do that he can surrogate some babies and let his mother raise them.

[quote author=Jenifa_ link=topic=584067.msg7530684#msg7530684 date=1295001298]food4tot,
what do you mean by "over-intelligent"? there is no such thing as over-intelligent.
Chimamanda Adichie is an example of an intelligent woman. She is married by the way and very successful.
We should be encouraging more girls to be like her. rather than training them on how to buy lace and throw owambe's. Socializing and materialism is not everything.[/quote]ahhhh jenifa

you have touched an INCREDIBLE point!

sooo true!

lwkmd!!!!!

jennykadry:
How did you come about this?

You are looking at this short term,sone of us are looking at this long term.

My advise to you when you get married, don't always play I am on my right or make your husband choose btw you and his mum because a day will come when you will need your mother inlaw to stand up for you and to your husband but because of the sour relationship btw you both , she will not do it.Then you will know the importance of mother inlaw, she is as important as your own mother.

The poster said it, if you go back and read his post you will notice he said the mother feels like he is only favoring the in laws, thats shows you that the woman is jealous.
long term short term doesnt matter, a man will never have to chose anything if he had a set of mature people around him!
Constantly making mountains out of molehills, i can already see where this marriage is going and if the husband doesnt put his foot down now the mother is going to cause trouble in thier marriage.
I dont need anybody to 'side me' when Im married, the further away inlaws are away from my marriage and any disputes the better.
esp if the 'in laws' are nigerian- and i very much doubt i will marry a nigerian man
In laws bring more problems when they are too involved in your marriage- definitely your in laws are like your family. but you dont need them in your marriage. It might work for some but it wont work for majority, the key is marrying a man that has his wits about him and a set of balls. A man constantly running to mummy is never a good sign!

Its only back home they marry late

In this country they still marry young from 20

its because the educational system back home is soo shitty

@ poster your a monkey!

does 8 years look like a joke to you?

if I was the girls friend i will tell her she hasnt done enough

I will make her sabotage every single one of your relationships until she gets married

You wasted all her time and you now complain she cant let go?

In fact its the women that piss me off more- stewpid idiots, how u gonna sit with a man for 8years??
how?

food4tot:
My opinion - girls need more attention once they get into puberty but both need love, care & good parental guidance. Boys are usually more troublesome but they become more level headed as they grow older. If parents let them roam the streets then the troublesomeness wont decrease with age.

this is the thing, boys need attention too! Just because girls are more emotional, doesnt mean a boys dont need to be tended to.
Boys should be coached when they reach puberty too- otherwise they take to the streets and become nuisances.
Just because girls have periods, that doesnt make her all of a sudden a sensitive fragile little mouse that needs to be 'handled with care'
The only reason most 'African' parents are soo concerned is because they think a girl out having sex, is 5million times worse than a boy out having sex.
Maybe if they trained their boys a little better they wont fear soo much.

food4tot:
@queensmith and freshera
over-intelligent people probably lack social skills
hence successful males go for an easy target - a young girl
& successful females don't have the guts to do likewise
I don't think it has anything to do with male domination, could your basis of judgement be flawed?

Theres no such thing as over intelligence, you can never be over intelligent
the lack of social skills is an african belief that also needs to be dispelled, Im guessing its an excuse people give when they lack intelligence.
Its not the lacking of social skills young men fear, its the actual intelligence, a man with confidence issues is not going to want a woman to be smarter than him. Esp if he was brought up in a household where they think girls are fragile little beings that just mope around when they grow breast!
If a boy is brought up in a house where the parents dont share this stereotypical ignorance, the boy will have smart sisters that dont mope and around. and will look for that in a partner!
its all about male domination, chauvinistic beleifs and utter ignorance.

thats a great article tpia, thanx i learnt alot from that

im forgiving you small small

@topic

Its true the responsibility lies ALOT (90%) with the parents, african parents like to play the blame game, 'o its cos they are british' 'o its cos hes a boy' 'o its cos she has bad friends'
no, the responsibility remains with you!
the environment will influence a parent even more than it can influence the kids.
and I think there are many benefits to having an 'open minded' environment rather than a 'competitive' one
I wouldn't like my child growing up in Nigeria because I dont like the mindset of most Nigerians, I cant stand the materialism, the arrogance, the pride, the stereotyping and the chauvinism, that said I do like the way which morals are imparted to children and the survival factors a child can get.
I don't like the way the western world idolise their children, i dont like how they encourage them to age quickly, there is no reason a 16yo should be given condoms, i dont want them to teach my 10yo about sex, i think the western world have their priorities misplaced but their hearts are still in the right place. Its a much better environment to raise a child. A child can be free, creative and enjoy life. For me thats the most important thing

Shoolar:
Naija ppl no dey lik beta thing, na so dem shot 'bayelsa fc striker' to death d day the club won NPL 2-years ago.

Trust me its one of his friends that set him up, why would you be driiving around wearing 300k worth of jewellery? thats absurd!

thanx miss chima, shes not religeous per say but she definitely wont like a stripper!

yea a weekend spa break might just do, ill check lastminute!

cap28:
Queen - just to add - i dont know if you've watched the film "Precious" with Gabourey Sidibe and Monique, notice how the mother "Monique" uses food as an instrument of abuse to ensure that her daughter remains overweight and therefore unattractive.  The mother does this as revenge for what she perceives as her daughter's betrayal of her by engaging in a non consensual incestuous relationship with her late husband.   I really  really hated this film as i felt that it feeds into all the worst stereo typical images of african americans and in particular of the african american woman as irresponsible welfare queen.  In as much as the film glosses over the root causes of dysfunction in the african american community it does highlight the issue of over eating and obesity.

I never watched the movie but with my understanding the girl was abused in all soo many ways

the point of the movie was even to show that even in the tightest of situations one can still overcome them

(though i dont see catching aids and having a son for ur father as triumphing)

There is an issue in overeating and obesity, I don't disagree

My point from the very first post i made still stands- its unhealthy to raise a child to be self conscious of her body. Confidence is given from home, and that determines their attitude when they go out. Parents cannot deny their responsibility and blame it on the environment, esp on things children are oblivious about when growing up!

People are taking this too personal.

Its not a womans fault that some men are ugly and some men are attractive??

The same rule that applies to looks applies to personality

there are traits that make a man ugly, and some that make him attractive

the same even goes for women, airheadedness is unattractive

even the ugliest woman seems attractive when shes smart!

it doesnt mean the guy is perfect or he's the ideal guy to settle with

it just means hes personality makes him attractive to women

I hope that sums it up and men stop crying and instead pay attention to what the ladies are saying

sometimes you can learn from it rather than lament about what you think you know about women

let them speak thier minds! gosh do all Nigerian men have complexes!

freshera:
[b] @OP, children are a bundle to train, they can be trouble in their early days, boys or girls. but one thing is certain. most societies are male-dominated and most of your points are really some stereotypes established and sustained by a male-dominated society. it is why you see that most men avoid successful, intelligent and beautiful independent women. these ones were not given any extra-special girl-focused attention. i am sure they were given equal attention just like the boys.

Male-dominated societies are insecure of the fact that biologically, females mature much quicker than males the same age and this can pose a problem. so they give you that story that girls are harder to train so you need to buy em more clothes, give em money when they want and teach them to care about their looks (rather than intelligence) so they can find a husband easily and settle down to have kids give a girl equal footing as a boy child when growing up, chances are she'll be better off. guys always seem to rough their way through anything growing up, why not give a girl child the same benefit of doubt and train them equally[/b]

Don't I just love you Larger?

beautiful. . . . .just beautiful *standing ovation*

to grow a decent nation i thinks its time we stopped limiting the girls and payed alot more attention to our sons.

Sagamite:
Because I said obese women will struggle in finding partners, you came to the conclusion that then they will never marry?

No because you make baseless assumptions, and when you assume you make ann arse out of you!

Sagamite:
Maybe you wrote this in Igala, if it does not mean what it means in English:

o you still have a problem understanding the sentence sagamite? do i have to take you back to nursery? here we go;

it means DO NOT 'pretend' as if being 'fat' is the end of the universe
I cant go any simpler than that! I cannot! if you dont understand it then thats your bizniz!

Sagamite:
Yes, alot of people compromise but obese people on average will have to compromise more and harder than slim people because there are fewer people that find them attractive. They have less choice to be choosy. And when they do get one, they are more likely to be more lenient with the guy so as not to lose him.

more assumptions, where's the evidence? or have you ran out of celebrity examples?

Sagamite:
Because I said obese women will struggle in finding partners, you came to the conclusion that then they will never marry?

Please don't come to any other conclusions again please.

Maybe you wrote this in Igala, if it does not mean what it means in English:

[font=Sanscript][/font]
If you can not get it in your thick head that the more attractive one is, the more likely they are to be able to attract or select a partner of their choice, I feel sorry for your intellect.

Again I remind myself im chatting with an idiot, but ill try my best to educate you some more;
having a string of men or a string of ladies chase you about adds no quality to your life neither does it guarantee eternal happiness then I dont know why ive even bothered!
I see in your little world that has little substance only the attractive count!

Sagamite:
Obese people are seen as less attractive, very few Orobos are lucky to still be hot.

I never said they are seen as most attractive so your point?

Sagamite:
Any behavioural positive you list is better accompanied with ideal weight than obesity.

Amongst all your nonsense, this is the only sensible thing youve said, all the trash about never finding a man, never being happy never getting married blah blah blah shallow mans junk, is inapplicable to a woman that feels right with herself! You can lament from today till tommorow, obese women will still do all the things you think they wont and feel things you think they dont!

cap28:
Okay Queen - let me get this right, when you watched the family - you came to the same conclusion as mandingo that "ALL OF THEM ARE UGLY" but you changed your opinion when you watched the show and got to know more about the individual family members and then fell in love with them for being "sweet, humble and loving" - correct me if im wrong but doesnt this conflict with the argument you have been having on here with Sagamite in which you state that obesity should not be used as a yardstick in determining a person's self worth? If we are to accept your view that obesity is not important and should not determine a person's self worth why even notice that a person is ugly, surely if you are willing to down play obesity - you should equally be willing to downplay ugliness - no?

If anything this goes right with my argument!
I actually first came into a scene where ayo was talking and my complaint was about his spots! they were hideous! I dont think ayo is ugly that was just a horrible scene!
I know the rest of the adesinas so it wasnt my first time seeing them and i know very well they arent ugly but i was angry at the film quality and did question the choice of the producers for choosing them in particular.
Now back to my argument, this applies to everyone- if you feel your happiness or self worth is determined by the approval of others you will never truly be happy.
Read through this thread you will see the family has been judged on all sorts of meaningless measures, the fact I see them as a beautiful family, view the mother as a rock and respect the father for all the hard work he has done for his children shows im the type not to measure a person by how they look, because i have alot more depth and a close touch with reality.

cap28:
No Queen, im raising my daughter to love herself BUT i am also raising her to have awareness of the world that she lives in, i teach her to be proud of her african heritage and african features and i also teach her not to feel that she is less than the european ideal of beauty but that doesent mean that by the same token i will sit by and allow her to over eat or not care about her physical appearance.

Dont get me wrong, im not saying its good to encourage a child to become overweight, of course you teach a child to take care of his/herself. Teach them to brush thier teeth take a bath comb thier hair, play sports eat healthy etc etc. Its very important, but what is WRONG to teach a child is to be self concious over their appearance or to make them think societies expectations are healthy.

[quote author=cap28 link=topic=551893.msg7519835#msg7519835 date=1294882075 
Queeen you are not being realistic - we are social beings we do not exist in a vacuum, in order to survive we have to interact with other people and as i said unless you are fabulously rich and able to afford private tuition you can't really control every aspect of your child's social interaction.A young girl who is overweight is not going to feel confiden in the company of her friends who are slim, attractive and trendy she is constantly going to feel as if she is less than everyone else no matter how much you tell her you love her and how great she is,  parental love is important but she will still  need to feel a sense of belonging when she is around her friends and if she is overweight or obese her self confidence will go downhill no matter how much love you give her at home.[/quote]In reality, your the one thats being unrealistic. Confidence doesnt come with being skinny. Its something that a child gets from home. No matter what he/she comes in to contact with outside as long as she has inner security, emotional stability, and regards herself in high esteem, no magazine, boy or bully can take it down!
Going to private school or having private tuition has nothing to do with it, parents are meant to protect thier children! children act on what they have learnt from home, a child that bullies another for being fat has learnt to do so from home, a child with low confidence because of her weight has been given body image problems from his/her parents.
A child is not born with any sort of idea of his/her body, only parents are to blame for children having low confidence. It doesnt matter if you are the fattest ugliest person in the world, with the right mind you survive anywhere. Thats why there ARE fat kids that are popular, have plenty friends plenty girlfriends/boyfriends play sports and so on and so on.

cap28:
For me the issue is not about her finding a man or finding a man to date but rather the ability to feel attractive and confident  - in my opinion if she is overweight or obese it will be difficult for her to feel any of those things.

yes, but she will never feel attractive or confident if she has been trained to conform to societies expectations. in that case, an overweight child with shallow parents has no chance!

lol u guys dont need to feel bad everytime a woman reveals what she likes!

INCEPTION INCEPTION INCEPTION!!!!!!

i started watching salt and dosed off. . . . . . . goes to show!

dappssee:
Well researchers seem to have a contrary opinion

http://www.sixwise.com/Newsletters/2008/July/16/Are-Girls-or-Boys-More-Difficult-to-Raise.htm

Maybe 9ja girls are just different

AHHHHHHH GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR THIS!!!!!

over and out!

WackyJ1:
Maybe they just wanted to rob him, saw the picture and changed their mind

OMG STOP IT!!
LWKMD!!!!!

MandingoII:
Translation = Ugly Daughter.

https://i1232.photobucket.com/albums/ff376/Charquitta/ugly.jpg

lmao!

MandingoII:
They are ALL Ugly.
Londoner's are going to get a kick out of this.

tbh when i first watched the show i thought THE EXACT same thing!!! But it was lost when I watched it! Im in love with the family they are sweet, humble and loving! there arent many families like that anymore!

Sagamite:
AN OBESE WOMAN WILL STRUGGLE IN MEETING SOMEONE! Stop consoling yourself. An obese woman on average will have FAR MORE problems getting guys and keeping them. They on average will have LOWER self esteem.

Your sounding like a broken record, let me simplify this for you- If that was the case, obese women will never marry!

Sagamite:
What kind of strawman argument are you using on me? Where did I say obesity is the worst thing ever? You want to show me the lines in my argument?

If you dont understand english say so, where did i write that? go back and read the sentence again.

Sagamite:
Do you understand the phrase "more than they would have"? So how did you come to the conclusion I said others don't compromise?

No with this I disagree and unless you have solid proof and realistic examples that will be the end of that. Its simply something you think because you believe you are the all knower all see-er of everything women! Pulling assumptions out of your arse! Ive seen healthy beautiful women compromise, nowadays almost every woman compromises, men compromise even more.

Sagamite:
Jesus, stop this. Defaulting on conventional beauty is not a problem? Especially amongst females?  So Gabourey Sidibe and Monique are perfectly happy and can pull as much men as Keri Hilson or Rihanna?

and this is where i realise im having an argument with a bloody idi/ot!
omg sagamite ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?
let me give you a very simple explanation;
magazines sell illusions, unattainable standards of beauty, and unhealthy lifestyles. Airbrush cover models and present impossible situations- NO WOMAN IS CONVENTIONALLY BEAUTIFUL!!
RIHANNA IS A BRAND!!!! SO IS BEYONCE AND SO IS BRITTANY SPEARS, packaged and presented that way because they know people will buy it. NOT LOOKING LIKE RIHANNA, OR LOOKING LIKE BRITTANY SPEARS IS NOT A PROBLEM UNLESS YOUR A FCKIN PSYCHO! Thats the whole reason why im even her arguing with you! ITS UNHEALTHY TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO BE SELF CONSCIOUS! A SANE WOMAN WILL KNOW THAT NOT LOOKING LIKE THE WOMEN ON THE MAGAZINES IS NOT A PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!
YOU WONT BE BRITAINS NEXT TOP MODEL, AND YOU WONT DIE BECAUSE OF IT!!!
Go and watch the hip/hop honeyz documentary for more in depth understanding of psychos.
Again they both have healthy relationships as opposed to keri and rihanna who do not! 'pulling many men' is not an achievement, it has no benefit. And is definitely not a legitimate reason to make your daughter self conscious!

Sagamite:
All things being equal so who is more likely to attract more quality men, Monique or Toni Braxton?

You must be right, Ive seen the many quality men toni braxton has attracted! who wouldnt want to be like her! (eurgh wheres the eye rolling emiticon when you need it)

Sagamite:
Huh! 

I am wrong again? 

Where did you see me saying being obese equals having an unhealthy obsession before you decided to score me as "wrong"?  Strawman arguments?

You need to go back and read what you've wrote; you assumed an she is unhappy because shes obese. Maybe you and I didnt watch the same programme!

Sagamite:
Ayo might have a nice personality but she definitely is not physically beautiful, talkless of very beautiful. As someone said, she looks 24 when she is actually 15. Most girls like that are not desirable and most know it except they want to live in a deluded world. If they can read and write, more often than not, the female magazines women love to read will let them know they are not desirable. If those do not do it, then when they go out with friends and they are the ones hardly asked on a date or danced with by the desirable boys, or any boys at all, whilst their slim friends have many, will do it. When they sit with boys in a social group and ask them which celebrity they find desirable and none of the boys mention any with her body shape and size will most likely put a nail on the coffin.

Ive addressed the magazines already, same goes for the media, for television and so on and so forth, Shes obese! not retarded! You not desiring her doesnt mean shes undesirable. Magazines not desiring her doesnt mean she cant be happy! THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF WHAT IM SAYING! its delusional to assume one will be desired, chased about or deemed conventionally beautiful once shes skinny, it will be delusional for any obese woman to believe her life problems will be solved if she lost weight. thats the first thing your told once you begin to lose weight. Assuming,' if i was skinny all the men would want me' is a delusion.
your actually beggining to make me laugh with all the assumptions your pulling out of your arse- I went to school here I can tell you obese children date! go to proms, are popular, get boys, get chased the list goes oooooooooon! Assuming you have all mighty knowledge on playground life once again. The obese children that have problems are those that have confidence issues, low self esteem and problems dealing with people. Factors that wont change even when they lose weight! Their parents probably sold them the crap your trying to sell me here, inadvertently scarring them for life.

All your other points are irrelevant, again just full of crap. If you think only obese people have the problems youve addressed, I suggest you go out more. If you are lamenting for the simple sake of argument. . . good on ya!

Sagamite:
There might be many routes to happiness but meaningful relationships is one of the fundamental cores of happiness amongst most women. Far more than it is for men.
There is a reason millions of women each year try and lose weight to be slim. I will struggle to see many trying to put on weight to be obese. Stop the self-delusion.

Again stop thinking you know everything about women, you really dont. By the sound of it, its seems to be affecting you more!
There is also a reason millions of women are having plastic surgery, sniffing coke and millions of men are taking steroids. If it really was the path to happiness I think the whole world will have indulged in these things!
Did i tell you people intetionally try to become obese? try again!

Teaching your child self confidence is the only way to guarantee she will be happy! Making sure in spite of all things surrounding her shes happy and mentally stable. To me nothing is more important than that! Any parent that does that is an absolute winner! Your child is more likely to have healthy relationships have a stable trusting partner and less likely to be abused, indulge in substance abuse, develop psycological problems and is more likely to excel in any area. That, to me is much more important than raising a child obsessive over her image, or a child that consults magazines to check what shes worth. She will most likely be in a shallow relationship with a shallow man who will abuse her physically and psycologically and have an impaled ability to build solid meaningful relationships with individuals that have depth. She wont do well at work, wont be happy and wont have a good life. Does that sound like the ideal daughter to you? Cos if you sell her that trash theres no way out of it! If you dont believe me, check the average nigerian girl back home, shallow airheaded whores!!!!


are we name dropping fat celebrities now? or celebrities with long lasting meaningful relationships? How many millionaires have long lasting relationships with their playboy whores? Those that do are the ones married to orobos and the unconventionally beautiful! goes to show being obsessive will lead you nowhere!

Are you trying to say monique made that decisions because she's obese? Then what will you say of jada pinkett smith? STALE! your just talking your not actually thinking!

By your logic, every slim and attractive woman has all the options, all the solutions and all the pleasures. THAT is delusional!!!!!! Because in reality. . . . .THEY DONT! they have ALLL the problems that EVERY OTHER WOMAN HAS TO DEAL WITH!

halle berry, keri hilson, rihanna, brandy, monica, christina milian, kelly rowland, amber rose, ciara, brittany spears, eva longoria, miley cyrus,

Its soo obvious they have bottomless pools of 'desireble men' to chose from!

cap28:
I dont dispute that, but unfortunately we are living in their world and unless you are wealthy enough to pay for private one to one tuition, children have to interact with other children, i personally would prefer a world in which everyone could be accepted and treated well based on their individuality and the  content of their character and not the way they look but unfortunately this is not the world we live in, appearance is everything and there is no denying this.

Since i am forced to live in a society in which conformity is the only way to have a peaceful life (at least up until the age of 18) i will want my daughter to conform to that model until she is of an age when she has more control over her life.

wow,
Maybe its an african thing, conformity is mental slavery. there is nothing great about it. As much as western world has an obsession on appearance. Africans are much more judgemental, and much more obsessed.
Do you really believe your daughter will turn 18 click her fingers and develop a more realistic state of mind? NO! you teach your child to become a slave to society, search for attention and only ever be satisfied with herself if others approve of her, youve brought up a girl with low self esteem confidence issues and that will follow her forever!

cap28:
I hear what you are saying and im not advocating anythign crazy like plastic surgery for under 18s (which some mothers encourage) all im saying is that kids should be able to feel confident about the way they look and i honestly beleive that if a kid is obese that level of confidence is drastically reduced, i will therefore do whatever it takes to ensure that my kid does not end up  being the fat kid that every body bullies or/and avoids, everyone wants their kids to do well, and doing well includes being able to fit in physically and mentally, it doesnt mean that you are jumping onto the conformist bandwagon it simply means that you are trying to give your kids the best chance in life as life is already hard enough without being burdened with the added problem of being overweight.

Your confidence doesnt have to be determined by how you look, its determined by how you feel! If you raise your child properly she will feel good about herself and maintain confidence no matter what comes around. Definitely I believe every parent should make sure their kids do not become obese but you dont do that by making them self conscious, you do that by encouraging a good diet and exercise. I agree it can be an added burden,but i dont think 'never finding a man' or 'never being truly happy' is one of them!

Sagamite:
Whether it is unhealthy or not is inconsequential. It is there and has an impact on people's lives.

we can say the same about practically every single problem society has! we can say that about being black? we can say that about growing up in hackney and we can say the same thing about going to a shitty school.

SOCIETIES EXPECTATIONS ARE UNREALISTIC AND UNHEALTHY,
DOES IT AFFECT US? YES. DOES IT HAVE TO? NO. CAN WE AVOID IT? YES
this is the difference between raising a child with the right values in his/her mind a raising an absolute jughead wasting all their time in becoming socially accepted.
The fact its unhealthy is VERY important! its important to KNOW IT, EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT IT AND AVOID IT!

Sagamite:
How much confidence is she likely to retain if when she goes to parties with her friends, all the boys want to chat or dance with her friends but don't want to be seen with her in "that way" because they have a rep to keep?

Again this doesnt apply solely to an obese person, a skinny girl with pretty big breasted long legged figure 8ted friends will have the EXACT same problem. Dont try and make this an exclusive issue because its not! The fact that she 'knows' she beautiful now shes obese shows shows she cant be affected with such triviality. Her parents have done very well!
Again having men with 'reps to keep' is nothing to be missed! good riddance!

Sagamite:
What much of self-esteem can she retain when she cannot dress as nicely and sexily as she desires because fashion designers do not cater for her body shape?

lol you are funny! she will retain her self esteem, she can handle being obese. not being able to shop at topshop will be nothing!

everything else you mentioned is common wabble- problems of your average teenager. Go and pick up some rachel robinson books if you want to know how they are dealt with!

Sagamite:
Yes, obese are more likely to struggle with relationship in the prevalent society we have irrespective of self-esteem. Don't say they only struggle because of self-esteem. They struggle because of obesity, self-esteem might exacerbate it.

No, an obese woman will struggle if she lets it, if she meets someone. Self esteem is a BIG factor when it comes to women and relationships! To the extent that even the skinniest most beautiful women have problems getting guys and keeping them. Dont come and act like being obese is the worst thing ever, it doesnt even top 10!

Sagamite:
Many obese people only get married after they severely compromise on their own desires, most likely, more than they would have had to if they were not obese.

Are you joking? you mean as opposed to ideal weighted women who dont? Or men dont?
Your making me laugh over here!

Sagamite:
Obese women are more likely to default in areas of conventional beauty than non-obese women and MAJORITY of men choose women this way (conventional beauty) so their pool will be far smaller. Please lets not pretend being obese is not a problem.

Defaulting in conventional beauty is not a problem, nobody is conventionally beautiful, being conventionally beautiful guarantees NOTHING and it certainly doesnt guarantee youll meet a decent man and be happy. Its not the quantity of men you meet its the quality. Check it, only a child gets excited having a list of men chase them, you get older it gets boring!
lets not pretend its the worst thing in the world, I know obese girls and guys alike that have no problem! its all about you!

Sagamite:
She is missing out as she is very likely to want to be desirable and not achieving it can lead to unhappiness. FACT!

What makes you think she doesnt think shes desirable? Shes obese and shes still very beautiful! Im sure she knows that! Again anybody with an unhealthy obsession with appearance will be unhappy! Being obese does not equal having an unhealthy obsession In that case people will just be committing suicide up and down, and all women in psych wards will be obese. This isnt the case so your wrong again!

Sagamite:
I am not talking of dating numerous men, I am talking of having options of numerous men to select from or finding it easy to attract the ones she is attracted to. If she is obese, that abilit is HEAVILY diminished.

Again, its not about the quantity of men that chase you, its the quality. Having to select so precariously shows the low quality of the potential suitors. Being obese, your most likely to attract someone that is interested in you and build more meaningful friendships. Rather than the shallow muthafckers that chase pretty girls everywhere! I should know!

Sagamite:
I am not talking of dating numerous men, I am talking of having options of numerous men to select from or finding it easy to attract the ones she is attracted to. If she is obese, that ability is HEAVILY diminished and severe compromise and submission are likely to become the requirement before the can fulfil the innate desire of most women: EXCLUSIVE COMPANIONSHIP.

ive addressed this already, again skinny women compromise beautiful women date ugly men, fat men date skinny women, beyonce married jayz! Truth is the brightest light attracts the BIGGEST BUGS!

Sagamite:
What do you mean by her probability is no higher than any other girl her age? In attraction or low self-esteem?

Its in response to your claim to her probably of becoming very unhappy (again I laugh) seriously, there are many routes to happiness. Maybe in Nigeria you can spin that to women but not over here!

Sagamite:
You think a woman like Gabourey Sidibe or even Monique is more confident/happier than a girl like Keri Hilson (not overlooking Keri's own insecurities)?

you claim the innate desire of a woman is to have exclusive companionship and then you name 2 women in long term relationships in comparison to an openly single and very Hot woman?
and I suppose you gathered because keri is skinny shes happy?
You obviously dont know her at all, her lyrics, her music, her videos reflects a very unhappy woman with a void. Her latest video shows her obvious yearn for attention an in the last interview I heard her quote; 'sometimes I just want to be fcked' Does that sound like a happy woman to you?

Gabourey sidibe and monique are some of the most succesful black women around! if that doesnt make them happy I dont know what will!
Gabourey has a very goodlooking boyfriend and monique has been married for 4 years going now! Monique is probably the most confident black woman about!!!! and even she has a questionable past!
please quit the comparisons and claims that you know what makes a woman happy, conventional beauty is no long term deal maker in any persons life. the females of the playboy mansion are obviously more disturbed than your average overweight office worker Its only weak women that allow views such as yours to poison thier minds that have problems!

cap28:
very true, thats why i said her mum needs to encourage her to lose weight, in the west image is everything especially for young people, if you are not attractive, trendy, wear fashionable clothes and are of a reasonable shape and size (especially if you are a girl)  - you end up being bullied and isolated - that is the reality - there is very little parents can do to change that aside from homeschooling your kids and keeping them isolated - that in turn leads to the children becoming outsiders who will find it impossible to fit in with other kids, its better to raise  children with an awareness of these factors as opposed to pretending these harsh realities don't exist.

What are you saying? the western worlds obsession with image is extremely unhealthy! its not even accompanied with isolation, its accompanied with death, sickness, psychological trauma and self harm. An those are what people do to themselves!

The best thing a parent can do for his/her child is to make sure however they look they have confidence in themselves and dont become unhealthily obsessed like those around them! you end up with a healthy happy child! to me thats much more important than having a child that wants to wear designer clothes, wear make up, starve herself or have plastic surgery because of the crazy world around her! You have a daughter, will you prefer she spends her time obsessing over her image (and never being satisfied with it) or being happy and enjoying her youth?

Sagamite:
Overweight people date too but they do struggle to find date as they have a limited pool to select from especially when they are obese which Ola is. They are dating means little since their choice is limited (extremely in the case of obese people) and they have to compromise their desires to get most dates. Choice and options is one of the core ingredients of happiness.

Please lets not pretend being overweight is not a problem for self-esteem and desirability. There is a very high probability that little girl will be unhappy, self-concious and low self-esteemed in the future.

An overweight girl will only struggle when her esteem is in the way, Obese people date, get married and have children. Those that do not, have more problems with their confidence and show that when relating to people.
The limited pool to select story will apply to every woman who defaults in areas of conventionally accepted soo called 'beauty'. And with men that chose women this way I will say she's not missing much!
Choice and options in dating numerous men? maybe for guys but not for women, most women dont want to date 500 dudes for anything! Its not a competition where we sit down and compare the numbers of men we dated every wek!

Being overweight is a bigger problem when accompanied with having low self esteem, her family have done well not to make her self concious over her appearance. Low self esteem doesnt hit you when your 25 its a part of you from your youth, if shes fine now she'll be fine later! Her probability is no higher than any other girl her age!
Nobody is pretending she's not overweight, shes not gonna be britains next top model but that doesnt mean she wont be happy!

lol- no julies just spoilt! But yes she does need councilling

I disagree on the ola point though, I dont think her mum should start feeding her nonsense about how she needs to lose weight to date, Overweight people date too! Thats exactly what causes 'julie type' insecurities in a woman. If she wants to lose weight she will do so on her own accord and for her own benefit rather than habouring the belief that losing weight will be the only way for her to 'catch men'.

dayokanu:
How is this Stubborness to start with? You discipline both of them, they take to it, the boy gets over it much quicker and he is ready to play, The girl goes about sulking (probably due to their emotional traits)

Girls have a lower threshold for pain, it will make sense for them to sulk!

dayokanu:
The fact is that a girl matures sexually faster than a boy, Its very common to see boys of 12-14 who dont even care about their looks, In Naija you would see them playing ball, getting dirty, and not caring about their appearance. All they care about at this age is play. But girls at that age are already thinking about bfs.

Just because a boy doesnt care about the way he looks, doesnt mean he isnt sexually active. Boys are thinking about sex from 10! Girls do not grow an attraction to boys until later.
The onset of puberty in boys is characteristcally marked by the occurrence of sexual arousal. Thats not the case in girls. Just because she has breasts and a period doesnt mean she is Hot or out having sex! this happens much later.

dayokanu:
Most boys have a gf like 4yrs later than their female agemates.

Just because the boy doesnt have a girlfriend doesnt mean hes not having se! at least with the girl you will direct yourself to one place should trouble arise!

dayokanu:
You know drugs is not exclusive to one sex, Women abuse drugs too and we have many female crackheads too. So this vice goes both ways to both sexes.

I wasnt actually talking about the use of drugs but that is another point. Over here in the uk you have young boys dealing drugs, I was outlining the major problems you can actually have with teenboys. You dont get the same problems with girls, if you do it will be very little! For every pregnant underage girl, theres 5 drug dealers, 7gang members, 4 youth offenders 3 asbos and the list goes on! Boys are most likely to pick up dirty vices

dayokanu:
If by the age of 22 one is not obsessing over their life then, houston we have a problem!
Theres absolutely nothing wrong with obsessing over your life, better to obsess at 22 than obsess at 32! like most men do when they encounter problems they were previously too immature to deal with! Having too much of a laid back approach to life doesnt make you a better child at all! And it definitely doesnt make one more easier to raise.

thats what i said!

dayokanu:
Are you trying to say Boys are more impressionable than girls? You are being funny right? Barely meet a guy sticking to his beliefs? Come on!!! While in school, I have met several "Brothers" who lived in the same room with gamblers and womanizers but cant just get corrupted.

People think girls are more material, thats only because they rely on men for alot.Fact is its really boys that love the material things,
Thats not the same for dudes, down to the ps2 you previously mentioned, designer clothes and shoes, the most expensive watch the list goes on. Without the money they will turn to crime and get involved in criminal activities. No matter the household, the religion or anything else for that matter they start to lie, cheat and steal. Do you think men just come up with these traits all of a sudden? no these are things they have adapted to while growing up. The environment he is in, the friends he makes and the people he meet will determine his life! thats why in addition to raising your son right you have to continuosly monitor the people he hangs with! that never works for girls!

dayokanu:
Its about how crime is viewed, Prostitution is just vile in our part of the world. If 3 girls come out One said she has smoked weed, One said she was an armed robber and the 3rd says she was a pr05titute in a brothel. I think the 3rd one would be viewed as worse or what do you think?

Well i dont think its how a crime is viewed, if people view things I see to be normal as a crime that wont make a difference to how I raise my child, but you are right because Nigerians are very superficial. But where I come from all 3 women will be looked at as the same

yes ur right, yoruba men take it to an extended level!

rokiatu:
You want them to woo guys?

omg lmao!

@topic, yoruba men are chronic whoremongers
Ive never seen anything like it! they actually have no ability to keep thier cocks to themselves! how shameful!

but ekiti guys are different sha (i hope)

WackyJ1:
Why seven times? Is it that the guy refused to die the first two times. Waste of bullets

ROTFLMFAO!

OMG!!!!

its tru tho! they have just shot him in the leg!