₦airaland Forum

Red alert, not cool not cool! lol

Flirting when natural is fine- this however my dear lady is not! resolve the issues you have with your husband and dont let me see you here flirting!!

Marriage may not be a bed of roses to some but i see no reason why anybody should struggle to make one work ,abeg for those 'lucky' or mature enough to go into such commitment it should be a smooth ride with very little bumps.

Imo if you marry the right person (no matter who you are) you will have little problems. Soo much goes on in life why should ones energy go into forcing a relationship? Abeg i disagree with the op, one has to be incredibly jobless to spend excessive time on someone he/she should get along with naturally.

LeoMax: Its selfish to be single.

This is true......soo true! Almost like it is the duty of man and woman to pair up and procreate for the benefit of mankind.
Has a marxist twist to it.....those that enjoy being single being the alienated capitalists at the top of the pyraimid. Hmmm love it!!

glowithdan: Life is a challenge my brother, so face it. If you are of age and still reason this way, I suggest you seek help somewhere(no hard feelings).
I challenge you to challenge your self today into accepting the realities of life,which marriage is one of it. And come to think of it, who told you there is any perfect one anywhere? Wonder what could have become of you, if your parents had said what you are saying now.

Life is too short to be lonely bro- Enjoy it with someone you love while it last!!

You havent given any justification to your claims ,realities of life? Isnt very convincing. You may be the one that needs help since you may just be following the crowd without realising where exactly you are going with yourself.
The poster knows what he likes and why he likes it, he gives reasons and very sensible ones too, he is more in touch with reality than most people stuck in marriage.
Its important to some to satisfy the aims they have in life, it doesnt always lie in the agenda and conformity of africans and their bible bashing nonsense, you cannot ram your ideologies down everyones throats!

I think the problem here is that your not understanding the definition of normal

Dictionary somebody!

if i were you i wouldnt go, you can tell people you werent feeling well or that you didnt think it was right to be there.
What will you go as? There's no section for lovers and ex boyfriends at weddings, your not really her friend and your relationship still needs closure which she never gave you.
I will advise you against going and use that as a way to move forward with your own life. Cut off communication with her and start anew.

You make a good case for the bachelors life. And i agree, being single is fantastic especially when you've seen what actually goes on in most relationships you learn that most times relationships arent worth the hassle.
Im not single but i will say what i appreciate most from being single is being free to set your own standards, how you want things, how you live, the things you do. You don't have to explain yourself and you dont answer to anybody. Freedom is amazing and singletons take it for granted when they jump into relationships.

If one was to apply thought it will be that your not a womanizer and your reserved. None of which is bad. Its interesting how you can find someone attractive but not be curious enough to strike a conversation or get to know her.
I will also say you are not that persistant and you respect a womans space, all good traits in a man. I wouldnt want a dude that is quick to approach every woman he finds appealing, thats for dogs to do.

sojimade: Hi Nairalanders! Pls i need your advice on this issue. I have a brother who is 14 years old and presently in SS2. He makes friends easily and he is nice looking but the problem is he doesnt seem to care about his future. He sometimes get out of the house without telling anybody and spend up to like 3days outside and wont come home until we search and found him. So also the best grade he ever got in school is 3 E's and the rest are F's. He has been behaving like this since i've known him. Being the eldest son, my family members are looking up to me to give him a corrective measure. I've tried all approach ranging from spanking, persuassion, encouragement and so on. Pls i need your tips on how we can help him before its too late.

He might have learning disabilities, its common for children to spazz out esp in cultures where expectations in education are soo high.
You can both research on what he can do when he's older and not keep it strictly university professional degree compete with the universe type crap. Let him know he has a range of options and if he can't cope with education he can always go into those soo long as he's serious.
Give him responsibilities so he knows he's not useless, monitor his friends and try to get them to stay in the house so you know what they get up to.
Im not a fan of game consoles for children but you can try getting one so the friends want to stay with him at home.
I know teenagers are not fantastic to raise when they prove difficult but this is actually your last chance to fix things before theres permanant damage

Jenny Agun: What if there have been medical tests and the man is the one with the problem? You know a Nigerian man will not boldly tell his parents/family that he has infertility problem but if it was the wife, it will be a news headline amongs his family members.

I support adoption but what if the woman wishes to experience carrying a pregnancy since she doesn't have fertility problem.

Well the way i see it carrying a pregnancy should be the least of her worries if her husband is infertile? He can't help that he cant have children, she has to understand it and be willing to work around it. If he had an illness that stopped him from walking will she insist they go jogging? She will need to empathise if he's not responding to treatment. I thought being in a relationship teaches people these things?

@Modele, well i guess you have to bring that attitude back. Set the standards of your marriage ,give him ultimatums you can stick to. Let him no you are no door mat to be trampled over. Regain respect for your self and develop a no nonsense attitude. Look at it this way, if you allow your husband to continue to treat you this way your sons will know no better and your daughters will carry it into their own relationships. You dont want your daughters to live this way do you? Please help us break this cycle and raise children that know what relationships are really about. Mutual understanding and respect.

@busy body ,you are too much! I officially love you! i didnt read your responses before posting, i wouldnt have bothered because you have said it all and closed the case!

What kind of nonsense ehn?? My own blood is over boiling!! And the girl is agreeing to this outrageous bs? Lets just pray she doesnt suffer the same fate to know what its really like.. i can now see how one can resent her own children kmt!!

Ehn hen, so the daughter knows who her dad is despite the fact he walked out and married someone else and never took care of them?? Well done to her, 1st class ingrate. The audacity of even thinking of getting married without her mother being there is beyond disrespect.

Its ok sha, im even worried for the daughter because it seems to me like the in laws are going to present a massive prblem with their thoughtless traditions. If she is a bastard nko? Will they tell the son not to marry her? I hope the husband is not as senseless as his family, this case obviously requires sensitivity and they have trampled over the woman just to regard old fashioned traditions that do nobody any good.

The mother needs to calm down because she has other children, if the daughter wants to get married without her let it be, she has done what she could for her children she cannot do any more. Let her place her focus on the others and continue with her life. I know its not easy mehn but what can she do??

Its just such a damn shame kmt

Miss EZ,

I agree- africans try to demonize reason by labelling it 'western' how can anybody say no to civilisation?
If you want a village marriage go and get a village girl, one that will serve you and sex you till her arms fall off and her vagina dries. I dont have time

@dayo- i think fellis covered your response and you know damn well- my logic is undeniable. There is no flaw in my logic :p. Now go back to your boyfriend david and allow us adults to talk!

@fellywood- you are actually just too funnay!

Modele, i am a woman and not a cheating man so im not sure you will respect my opinion. it seems to me like you dont know what you want, i advise you not to bother yourself and ignore any suspicious activity. Even when he begins to come home late, just remember in future that its all your fault because you did not set the standards before going into marriage. A man will give you the respect and love you demand, the minute you show him his lack of discipline and respect for the marriage is ok to you is the moment you lose the fairytale marriage and you live with the consequences. This goes out to other women that place having a husband above having self respect, you get what is coming to you when you don't appreciate the value of YOUR happiness, dont complain when the man acts it out!

The double standards, standardly ridiculous. If it were the man serving food people will come here and lament that the woman is a witch. So if a man is angry at his wife and is not in the mood for sex should he inject his penis with cement and force sex in a situation that required a completely different sort of attention, does the sense of women on nl not go beyond foolishness? I mean i understand men to come here and chat rubbish but to all the women i am dissapointed. At the op yes it is very normal to be pissed off and not in the mood for jolly dinner time, serving dinner like all is well is like pouring water into a bucket full of holes, covering a hole in the wall with paint, sitting on a broken chair, the problem is there and will not go away no matter what until you pay attention to it. If the woman is being childish and the man is hungry he will find a way to settle the argument asap! Nonsense and ingredients!

People are soo quick, men will have been jumping up and down. The way i see it the man cheated, was a coward and lied ,yet the woman decided to show him more love than ever? Well done and congratulations. Good for you. Ive been told that the only way a woman can be respected is in her husbands home. What a load of bull crap. But well done and congratulations, you have chosen your path, you had children even though you had problems. Just learn to live with it.
Forget your feelings, talking to his ex makes him happy and you want him to be happy she? Is that not what makes you happy? Carry on there.

I cannot blame men atimes, women behave soo foolishly its hard not to mess up!

davidylan: Dayo does not possess a congo to shine. Thank you.

Sure he does ,if not he can always shine you??

ivf is there, surrogacy is there (instead of getting another wife) adoptiom is there. There are options, when will nigerians learn to use them?

How else is she going to know abt the finances? What is it with nigerian men and all the secrecy? Yes she should know everything about your life. Not knowing is wrong

I think david and dayo should get married, they make a good match. They can sit and complain about civilisation together :p

armyofone: when you are in love, the wedding bugs must bite .

Soo tru! dammit! Lol

ronkebp: EEyah good to know!!! everyone will always catch that bug sometime in life am glad you are already shivering from the bite.

Rokiatu actually started the thread, not me, Kudos to her.

Sorry rukky i got u ladies confused :*

I know! even the men that like to bash women secretly yearn for it!

ronkebp: it depends on the level of arguement and the cause of the arguement, shouting can at times lead to fatal incidents in the long run.

Was aware of an incident that happened at one of these Nigerian universities either Uni-Ben or Ife?? can't remember, a lady was shouting and screaming her head off that her jewelries were stolen, and she was suspecting someone,(one of her room mates), the shouting got so intensed that this her room-mate who was innocent was disgraced, after couple of minutes, the lady who actually took the jewelries came in and said the owner borrowed her few days ago, that she thought (the owner) knew she had the jewelries, (long story short) the innocent lady stood up and took a knife and stabbed the owner of the jewelries, because she embarrassed her. (Just showing you the progression from where ''shouting'' started and where it ended). The owner of those jewelries died ooooo and the innocent one ran away after committing that evil.

We can begin to use this argument to demonise absolutely everything! A kiss on the cheek can lead to an affair, a trip to the mosque can make you a terrorist a spank on the bottom can lead you to kill your child. It obviously doesnt work and the isolated incident you speak of doesnt prove what we are discussing.

THe bottom line remains that shouting is very normal, im surprised people dont know that!

debrief08: Please where in this whole 3 pages did I mention my ex husband or that he shouted at me? Give your point and dont personalise issues. Everyone needs to learn to keep his or her anger in check, I can not justify shouting down at another human being just as I cannot justify a person beating a spouse because they are angry.
This is my view, you may like it or dislike it but it is what i feel and I am entitled to it, please no need to make it personal or talk me down by bringing my ex into it. I never said I was shouted at, i am not speaking from experience the only example I have given is about a woman.
No body ask any one to sit quietly while he / she is hurt but let your reaction not do more harm than good. Beating and shouting down, all forms of abuse, My husband and I quarell and disagree a whole lot and believe me i dont keep quiet and accept it but I make my point without casuing more damage. We qaurell and make up without attracting the neighbors or alarming my kid and people living in the house with us.
I think I am still entitled to an oppinion.

Ok i was trying to be understanding, but lemme rephrase it into a sarcastic remark.

Anybody who thinks shouting in an argument is abnormal is delusional and needs a reality check because life is not full of dancing ponies, golden fairies and colorful rainbows. Its gets ugly from time to time

dayokanu: Shouting at someone is an aggresive behaviour first and any agressive behaviour has the chance of trigerring other aggresive behaviours

Just like a shout can trigger slap, Slap can trigger stab and stab might trigger shooting

The moment you start one, you might not be able to control where it ends

I hope u also believe beating ur children is aggresive and abusive, that way i can reconcile a little with where you stand.

Just to let you know, no its not aggresive but can be used in aggression. The same way a quiet racist slur is both aggressive and abusive. And to add a personal note we've all seen you throw tantrums on nl, can i put that down to being irrational and unstable? Are you out of touch and have no control over your emotions?

debrief08: Anyone who thinks shouting down at another human being is the best way to deal with a situaion needs anger management. Yes Dayo you are right about the last part.

You should read my response to dayo- again not everyone is the same. Everyone will not sit down and be quiet at things they are unhappy about, as ideal as you think that is we are human beings and little things like these is what makes us different from robots.

You do not like shouting, i dont like being shouted at and neither does my troublesome nephew, but he understands when he has done wrong and knows the consequense of doing so. I think its about time you accept this and stop using your previous experiences to rule out the things that make us who we are.
Not everybody is your abusice ex husband, please learn to differentiate us.

dayokanu: No rational human being shouts and yell at another just like no rational human being beats another.

You have the ability to shout, What if your partner cant shout back?

We have seen ppl react violently after been shouted at, Some have stabbed or shot after being shouted on, Some who cant fight have commited suicide.

Ask debrief she would tell you that atimes you would prefer to be beaten than shouted at

Youve made every human being irrational with that first statement. Like i said its natural, everybody has a way of dealing with things. Some will be silent and say nothing some will be vocal and let it all out. What constitutes as abuse is very different, being verbally abusive is different, shouting is not!
There is nothing to relate shouting to violence, a man can beat his wife without saying a word, your partner doesnt have to engage in a screaming match we are not talking about weapons here we are talking about how couples argue!

Some people shout, thats you have to accept, and yes its very very normal and no its not abuse!
Nobody likes being shouted at! its unpleasant and most times that is the point! if debreif has been emotionally scarred by it its probably because she didnt understand that.
You can disagree with it and try to state its an anger problem but you will be wrong, shouting and shouting uncontrollably are two different things. It doesnt mean you dont have control over your emotions its the means which you have chosen to express them!
Shouting is a means of expressing displeasure, its important to understand that and respect the fact that people have different means of doing so!

debrief08: Read the post again, Is shouting normal when a spouse shouts down at the other in the presence of the kids and reports another adults to their kids? No It is not normal, If shouting down at your spouse in the presence of your kids is normal then if the husband reacts by slapping her also there then it is normal. So if a man beats his wife because he hates to talk and cant control his anger shebi it is normal too becuase he is not Jesus or a saint?
Dayokanu I get your point now, The issue is not even about the kids being present but about one partner shouting down the other, just like it wont matter if he beats her in front of the kids or when they are alone. It is not normal,
Each should learn to contro his/ her temper and find better ways to work things out, when you shout every time you are upset then you clearly have a problem managing your anger

We are twisting this thing up and down now, the question reads; is it normal for a woman to shout at her husband?

My answer is sure, what you are doing is knit picking and has nothing to do with my point.

debrief08: Differnet strokes, but I believe maybe erroneously that shouting wont make your point be heard any clearer, it makes the point not to be heard at all. But if some couples feel shouting is the wy to go let it be done away from the kids. It is not nice to raise kids who believe they can only be heard by shouting down the other party

Of course we can hold our opinions on whether or not shouting is the way to go. The question is is it normal and I think it is, we're not all jesus and the jesuits, we all have our ways of dealing with things so long as there is clear communication between the two of you i dont see a problem.

Opposites attract, im loud and outspoken so im guessin the opposite allures me more.

debrief08: I agree to some extent, amd we are saying the same thing, shout and quarel with each other the bad part is doing it in front of the kids and using the kids as weapons in your fight.

I guess at that point the couples need to agree there are real problems that need to be resolved.
Mine was just to agree that shouting in general will be normal between couples, everyone has their disagreements.

Everfrank: Why do Seun allow idiots on Nairaland? The said mosques were demolished purely for town planning purposes. These are mini mosques that were built without approval. In the same vein giant churches have been sealed by the same Lagos state govt. Why do they seal them? I know but won't make mischief about it. Cos I respect christanity and my closest associates today are christians- not idiots.

Makes sense, but where is the evidence of this??