₦airaland Forum

o trust me if what your saying is true then you definitely have sti's.

They probably just aren't tested in the jobs you have done, protection or no protection.

phemi3: I'm not the one being obsessed with sex (my friend). I share ur view that he needs to be check mated.

sorry i meant your friend jare

OK2NVME: Apart frm d ashies, which i paid good money for, and who also lead parallel lives cos dey(ashies i had been with) will let any man part wit his hard earned dough when conered by dem, my exes who cheated on me in d past n continue 2 cheat since, accordin to one of dem, she cant get enuf of me. yeah rite! d oda girls where inbtw ashies n one nite stands. these hoes runnin around these days makes a man not willin 2 comit. or havent u heard dat u can never make a hoe a house wife. am no perv n so also ops friend. at d end of d day water go find level. its not my fault dat i slept wit all those women afteral it takes 2 to tango. dont hate d playa hate d game!

Lol im not hating on you, we all have sexual desires, it's our control and discipline we have that makes us different from animals. There's othing wrong with casual encounters or probably even one night stands. You need to look at the limits and know when it's excessive.

I'm not even trying to judge you or preach to you, I was just correcting the statement you made about what indicates a perverse act.It doesnt have to be strange fetishes, it can also be the relationship you have with sex.

Well coming from someone who is continuously learning not to be judgmental and backwards, It depends on the tattoo and the location. If not that they are permanent and painful i will probably have 5. I do find most tattoos distasteful on most men and women, especially when excessive and in highly visible regions.
As a potential client of a firm it will be hard for me to take someone with visible arm and neck tattoos seriously, I wouldnt want my dermatologist to have snakes on his neck and wont like my beautician to have roses all over her chest.
Besides if I had a tattoo only one person will know where it is

Safe to say it will put a big downer on any professional approach.

That being said tattoos don't change who you are and what you do, it just gives people an easy opportunity to judge you.

This is nothing, you want to try the state boarding school i went in my state, DEATH TRAP!

OK2NVME: a pervert is some one with a distorted or sick outlook on s@x. e.g. beastiality, homos, BDSM, etc. Hetro s@X IS GOOD S@X and the more the better. I have only had s@x for like say 29 -30 times this year, some couples must have had s@x more than me but becos they are monagous does that make me a s@x freek cos of the varying partners i had?

I hate to be the one to tell you this but your wrong, what you have is not normal and definitely a problem. There is something excessive and that is number of sexual partners you've had in a short space of time, indulging sex workers is also considered a perverse act, all men do not do so? So the diversion is abnormal.
The fact you also document and somehow trophy your encounters also suggests theres a pathological impulse to your actions, you are not only being satisfied with the sex but also that the sex is from a stranger and that you have paid for it. Unconventional and abnormal in high numbers.
Long short you have a problem and should go and see somebody because your impulses will continue into adulthood ,when such behavior is definitely frowned upon and addictions can deter your focus ffrom the responsibilities you may have.

phemi3: Very funny! Dat's high way to the grave. Hepatitis AB & co. O da ju ni e ooo!

The guy wants to die now? Death by sex will be his dignified way to go!

[quote author=Inked_Nerd]@OP: Just because he may not have any personal standard for himself doesn't mean he's a pervert. Like OK2NVME pointed out, he's just "sowing his wild oats". You friend is just being a sëxual human being, that's all. As long as he's being safe about it, using protection, and isn't going around causing intentional harm to anyone then I see no problem with it. As for the girl, she may be serious. The only person who knows the extent of her seriousness is she. You friend has been warmed so if he likes, let him try to use the girl and dump her, then later on we'll hear about his pieces being scattered all over some road in Nigeria.[/quote]Soo long as theres social limitations to the amount of sex a man or woman should have or the conditions surrounding sexual relations anything that deviates from it is deemed a perversion.

Having sex with 23 women in the space of 3 months is perverted, even to the western sexually liberated standards. Even adult movie stars will not have had as much sex as that and its what they do for a living. Dare i say even commercial sex workers?

The op probably is a pervert, uncontrolled sexual desire isn't normal. Neither is obsession with sex. The op is abnormal and probably needs help dealing with it.

[quote author=Busy_body]Send "him" packing ke, you have spent too long overseas

Exactly why do Naija men treat their matrimonial homes like a bed and breakfast hotel![/quote]Lol! Yes nau,

Who said only a man can send a woman packing!

Well we can't say our president doesn't talk! unfortunately all I hear is yadyyadyyar

You intentionally introduce him to 3 different chicks, one with HIV, one with hepatitis C and the 3rd with hepatitis B. Get another chick with with malaria or yellow fever to kiss him on the lips and he should be dead in 4 months.

Trust me you will be doing the world a favor

I think the MENstrual cycles of the men on this thread have synced up. Got some serious tension taking it out on the poor girl. You should all pair up and take turns to rub each others bellies. That should relieve the stress.

And i agree with bb- ccs post was a bit to personal. You could have gone with.....i disagree because. Rather than make obvious judgements on how she lives her life. Also she didnt actually ask for a psych evaluation of her life she just stated her opinion.

All i can say is what i'll do in this situation- 'hypootheticals'

I cannot accept being in a marriage with no love- i will rather be alone.

I cannot accept the sexx ending when only he has climaxed:- i might as well have se with myself

I do not like a laid back attitude or non chalantness in matters involving the relationship- if i take it seriously he should to.

Children or no children, they are meant to make your life better not wreck it.

Communication is the no1 thing, let it be known how you feel, he may not have noticed.

People often suggest working overtime or fighting for a mans love- i dont encourage it. He will perceive it as smothering and will never appreciate it. Also i think hes meant to care as much as you do. If he doesn't theres a problem.

I'd suggest therapy or counselling or whatever it's called, he might be stressed. That way a 3rd party can tell you if your the one being paranoid or if you really need to fix up.
Arrange a holiday, send the kids somewhere and spend time alone together. The busy work schedules might be what is pulling you apart.
I think thats about all i will do before i send him packing until he's ready to behave. Lol. Marriage is not a clean house for you to eat and sleep in!

So now a girl needs permission to put anything on a fb page? Lawd help us. She needs to have a rethink about what she sees in you, i see nothing!

You cant get the answer to that here im afraid, it's all based on what you want. Very subjective every man and woman will be satisfied with different qualities ,it's what complements you thats important.
It's better to go out and date then ask yourself that question.

The best advice i can give to the op is not to settle. If your still good at number crunching you have a chance. Take some training and gain experience in accounts. The job market is tough on everyone right now ,get as much exposure as you can so you can compete with the academics and thier upper grade degrees.

And why are people starting on freecoacoa? If you dont like what she said move on, its a free forum. Kmt

Fhemmy you have said it all, I'm tired of Nigerians believing a man has no responsibility to his child but putting food o the table. You are BOTH responsible for feeding clothing and LOVING the child. It doesn't lie on one simply because of her gender!

It doesn't really matter sha, the OPs husband isn't up to par either ways.

TisaBone: Queenie

I dont know I dont have the answers, I'm just a mere mortal. I only try to make a contribution to this world by being the best person that I can possibly to be.

The state of Black America is dismal. I'll tell you why. Crack Cocaine. That's what screwed things up for us. Before this, we had our Martin Luther Kings, our WEB Dubois, Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, Frederick Douglas, and the list goes on and on. There are so many wonderful things about my people, that I would never have known, unless I would not have sought this information out myself. And when I read books by Ivan Van Sertima and Cheikh Anta Diop, I felt a sense of pride. You see, to many AA's, Africa is just this distant concept. Most really don't grasp the fact that our ancestors lived there not too long ago. We have no knowledge. We don't even know ourselves, or our own greatness. I believe that if Eurocentric Curricula were not pushed so much in the school system, that AA's eyes would begin to really open up.
This is America for God's sake. This land of the free was built on my ancestors' backs. Yet until recently, we have reaped none of the benifits. There needs to be an internal change, and that's what I am committed to doing in my community, not by what I say, but by what I do. Everywhere I go, I try to be an upstanding citezin, and an example to the world, that no, these stereotypes that you hear of AA's are not all true. Albeit you have some of rogues and rascals, but that can't be helped.

We have a long way to go, but I have faith in my AA brothers and sisters.

I love them, even when they embarass me, because I know that a lot of times they don't know any better. People are just a product of their envrironments, and if you have been taught nothing else, but how to "play the system" and live off the bounty of the land (ie. food stamps and other government assistance. lol), because that's what generations of your people have had to do to survive. It's a cycle that keeps repeating itself, and it's hard for it to be broken, but happen that will. You see, for so long, all us AA's knew to do was survive, and when these opportunities began to open up for us, and Jim Crow was lifted, things had changed, yet they had not changed at all. It's a shame that it took affirmative action for them to finally give us a fair chance....and you know what the disgruntled powers that be say? That we use the "race card" and that they have become victims of "reverse discrimination."


But that's another story completely. The point I am trying to make, is yes, AA's have a long way to go, but don't kick a person when they are down. Don't sit there and judge, without offering any solutions. I myself and still trying to figure out the best way to save my people from self hatred and doubt. The only solution that I have come up with, is that when I have children of my own, to teach them about their history, their heritage, and when people would try to make them ashamed of who and what they are, to fight ignoreance with intelligence and love, and kindness for their bretheren.

For the record, I completely agree. I am normally on the other side of these arguments, even the whole repatriation debate.
AAs have had it tough no body is debating that, but whether or not they were dragged into slavery or their countries we're colonized black men bring this negativity on themselves. It makes it extremely difficult to prove we're not all the same. and trust me we're not

dayokanu: This might sound demeaning but do you know what proportion means?


Go to a typical Nigerian church in Diaspora, hardly do you see a child who didnt graduate High School at the minimum

This is not the debate, do the children of your hairdressers go to IVY LEAGUE SCHOOLS did you read the report yourself?

Y

xynerise: talking from experience?

yes, experience of watching too many movies!

it's a good idea- well done to him for thinking of that.

Now he just needs an apple styled pc called ayettymama and his brand will truly make sense

xynerise: If a girl barges in her fiancee's room and catch him on top of a gal. The man will want to be right in what he did. These are the following questions she gets . :

1. Cant you knock?

2. What are you doing here?
3. Where are your manners?
4. Why didnt you off your shoes? .

5. Why didnt you call me before coming?
6. Are you mad? .

funny! and soo true! a *insert racist stereotype here* man will quickly turn it around! a *insert opposite stereotype* man will quickly pull up his trousers ad run after the girl like his life depends on it!

dayokanu: So the mother cant beat the child? Or the mothers new Boyfriend cant be molesting them?

She came here to complain that she cant take care of the child alone and you are insisting the kids should suffer with her? So its better for her to keep the kids, malnourish them with garri, Send them to public no good sch, or maybe send them to go hawk in the street

JUST TO PROVE A POINT??

I WONDER WHAT the motive of women are when getting married, Is it just to use the man as a sperm and get a child just to prove they are not barren or make the child succesful in life?

See now we are getting bitter ad refusing to see reason tut tut.

The man has a history of violence, it's sensible and safer not to leave the children with him. Thats a fact I previously overlooked and readily admit it.

She cannot take care of the child alone, she cannot be blamed, coming from a 2 income household to one small income with 2 children to care for. Will you be able to handle that? No you will not!
The children are safer drinking garri than being battered by their father and his violent family. He has been cruel enough to watch them suffer theres no telling how far he will go to spite the mother.

I can tell you now for sure it is the motive of no woman to be beaten ad battered like a he-goat by her husband and his family, neither is it an ambition to end up caring for your children alone. She cannot be blamed for what life has throw at her (maybe she can) but that is another story for another day. Children are involved here.

debrief08: DK and Queensmith, please have you tried using any family court or social welfare and have failed? Yes In Nigeria, I am talking as someone who has used the courts personally and who has refered 100s who have had their matters resolved, Nigeria is bad yes but somethings still work abeg. If ypu have a personal experience say so else let the woman try. The girls should stay with him so we can come and read threads like "father impregnants daughters, says she tempted him" a man who beats his wife and calls relatives to beat her is a sane man to be trusted with girl kids abi?

I guess so, I assume everything in Nigeria is soo terrible that one must find it easier to work around the legal system.

He does have a point though, something like this shouldnt really land in court, it should be as simple as
'are these your children, how much do you earn, oya pay this much to this woman every week or go to prison'

if it's not that simple then how is the OP going to care for them in the meantime?

maclatunji: It is a 2-way thing, no sensible young man wants a gold-digger for a wife and at the same time he should learn to be responsible. He should set a minimum standard for himself. The relationship should be symbiotic.

I am not saying all men have money but a gold-digger will always look beyond her husband to satisfy her material desires if she cannot gold-dig from him.

but the fact still remains a man must have gold for it to be dug?

This advice will only apply to the few rich men in the world, special cases if you must. What of the normal everyday jacks and johns?

lol now you've put it that way you might be right, @op, does your husband beat the children too?

In that case follow Ronkes advice ooooo dont let him kill your children for you.

well how else can one have it in Nigeria? So long as he isn't an alcoholic I don't see why he can't care for them. She can always add more cash and get a maid to keep an eye on them. Or she can visit every other day to make sure the kids are doing fine.

She will have more time to sort herself out so it's better all round. She can even start dating again if she's ready.

Besides the man is bluffing, he's a fool no doubt but what can one do?



OP pls do not follow this advice it's terrible!

Many parents feel they lack the necessary skills to bring up children and want the government to provide childcare lessons.

Young mums and dads don't feel they have the skills to bring up a kid
Three out of four mothers and fathers under the age of 35 want to see basic parenting classes introduced, according to a Metro Harris poll.
More than a third of the population also said they didn’t know how to be a good parent, with that figure rising to 46 per cent for 16 to 24-year-olds.
The survey, carried out in association with Jubilee Parenting, found the issue parents most wanted help with was handling anger.
A huge 77 per cent of parents said they struggled to control their children’s rage, while 74 per cent would welcome help with handling peer pressure in the playground.
Many also found it difficult to talk to their children about touchy subjects, such as sex, drugs and alcohol, with 36 per cent of the 1,350 questioned saying parenting classes ‘would really help’.
Netmums founder Siobhan Freegard said the findings echoed many of her website’s users who don’t just need help with breastfeeding, but the ‘soft skills’ needed to create a happy household.
‘People are really crying out for some support,’ she said.
‘Parenting is the hardest job in the world yet nobody gives us any indication of how to do it.’
Ms Freegard hailed the ‘positive parenting’ classes that already run across the country but said families ‘would welcome’ any kind of other support from the government.


Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/news/893280-parents-want-government-to-provide-lessons-on-how-to-bring-up-kids#ixzz1pIBcT6UR

I know there's no clear cut way on raising children but this isn't a bad idea. Especially for young couples. They ca even provide tips on effective discipline without having to physically abuse the kids. I like it

If you don't live in a civil country your going to find it difficult to make him pay.
However if you trust your husband you might find it a better option to leave the children with him while you get yourself together. He is obviously trying to spite you, you should call his bluff. He will bring them to you immediately begging you with money.
Don't allow your children to suffer because the marriage has failed, they may be better off in his care for a short time.