₦airaland Forum

ChopAndGo:
[s][/s]Just shut!

Your ignorant of the situation.

Why not just ignore.

Vireani79:
How do u know he is withdrawing child support so he can take the kids away
Is it not possible that like me he is seeing that this man and his wife want to milk him
U take sides of this gold digger and his wife and have refused to see the other side of the story

Ur take from the start is he must pay the woman
So it's ok
U guys always love the victim card

Child support doesn't have to go to the woman na. He can pay fees to their schools, pay for health care, buy heir clothes and let the woman and her husband handle accomodation and feeding. She doesn't need to get a dime na.

uthlaw:
he should be taking responsibility of another man....who well for this Nigeria!

Shey e no know before e marry the woman ni?

Juicewrld27:
the man who impregnated the woman has every right to take em away. If the woman decides to live with him cause of her kids that one is up to her

No. He has no right to take them away. They both own the kids.

Reelmii:
y have a good point but it would have been better if u looked at it from both sides and not just dlfrim the mother's end

Two people are involved in birthing a child and this two people are responsible for taking care of that child or children

Now u said the kids will not forgive their mum for abandoning them, so that means they will forgive their father for not taking care of them right....just asking

Now, talking about child support, this is Nigeria not the US, do u know how much the OP and the wife will spend in court or in getting a lawyer ? The father of the children is wealthy so money is not his problem...except u are ready to sponsor them

The op does not have a say total say in the lives of those kids just because he is married to their mother EXCEPT he adopted them legally, which I am sure he didn't

The only thing I feel he can do is to allow the woman and the father of the kids to settle their issues themselves because wen they were making the babies he was not there

Since he is not impotent God will give him his own kids, so he should focus on having his own...God will help them both

That's why I said they should go to court so they can work on co parenting. The man doesn't have to pay cash to the mother. He can handle the payments himself. Payments like school fees and health insurance.

They bother have the kids, taking them away because he has money is just wicked.

justiz5:
If you are convinced that your conclusion is out of love why are you afraid of my prayers?

Watch out as this scenario plays out in your life later on.
Your son must fall victim to an a cunny mum with kids. The woman will charm him to take care of her kids she had with another man at the expense of you. You will cry but find no solution.

You come on nairaland and promote biased judgement at the expense of the men thinking it will not backfire. It will surely do.

Co-parenting ma bias judgement?

Wawu.

I gave that advice like I would give it to my brother, no hate, just a win win situation.

Could be your misogyny speaking out sha.

INTEGRITYA1:
Forget all these child supports you're talking about, do you think is all Men that are not serious?

Even if we are to go through legal processes to settle the issues, there are age the children will attain and the court will allow them to be with their father. If they are still below that age is understandable.

I repeat, no woman can take my children away from me. Do you think is all Men will allow women to take their children away in situation this? Forget that.

Rotfl.

I hear you.

Dextre:
Abeg go rest, all these one na just English wey u dey speak. If u haven’t lived that kinda life b4, nor come dey give advice about doubling hustle and taking care of kids and all. Let dem dilly dally to whichever way fate carry dem

I have lived with people in similar situations.

One of them let her husband take the kids away. Today, she's alone, miserable and can't even tell where her kids are. For the kids to not reach out to her in these days of social media, I wonder what awful things they must have been told about their mother.

Another took her baby daddy to court and got him to pay fees while she handled the rest. Now that the man is even out of job, she's the one hustling to care for them.

I run advocacy on issues like these as well as child literacy, legislative processes and SDGs, trust me, I know what I am talking about.

justiz5:
I hope when your precious son finds himself in such a situation. You will advise him to do same (That is to foot the bills of another man's child that is well to do). The trash that come out of Women's mouth amazes me.

May God bring this situation in the lives of one of your sons.

If your words are backed by hate and curses, i wish them back on you.

There is nothing wrong with two adults co-parenting and sharing the bills of their kids just cause to they are not together.

It's wickedness.

INTEGRITYA1:
Very good, can you now see your narrations changes when I challenge your previous write up with quality points.

Child support doesn't need to be in cash na. Just pay for basic things.

tunjilana:
They should attend watered down schools, live in watered down neighborhoods and probably miss out on opportunities to have a good headstart in life just so their mother is not resented. Going by your logic, they will not have the best they should have and still end up resenting their father. Soregardless, one parent will be resented. If truly she has their interest at heart and she is sure the man is just a bad husband but a good father, she should better make the sacrifice and let their father give them the best they deserve

No. I'm saying they can either have the best life with their father paying for basic things like fees, health care and clothes and still have shared custody. Instead of using the woman's finances to blackmail her into taking the kids away from her.

Na we dey make things hard. He doesn't need to send a dime to the ex. Pay for things by yourself and have shared custody.

oldtruth:
If you cease posting on this issue, it will do you good.

So he should provide for their upbringing in another man's house? What will give him the assurance the money sent was judiciously used? Please try to think twice before you write. This act will save you a lot....

I've said in several other posts that he doesn't need to make direct payments to them.

He can pay for the fees himself, lay for their health insurance, but their clothes and shared custody. She anf her husband can handle feeding and accomodation.

Vireani79:
Ohhh it's not fair to call them gold diggers
Based on the story u have here
But it's fair to call the father a deadbeat

The way u ladies change narratives ehhh

Smh

This is the reason I called him a deadbeat.
1. It's not that he's incapable of child support.
2. He's withdrawing child support so he can take the kids away.

If man no get, we go gree say e no get.

But like I also said, they them double their hustle and take care of the kids. Especially the wife.

Agbebakun22:
Na western countries u think dem dey ni, God know if woman no allow me carry my kids, shishi I no go send even if they take me to courts I no go honor the court invitation, the man said he want the kids make kukuma share them 1-1

He doesn't need to send money. He can pay for whatever by himself and even in Nigeria, courts can make a man pay child support. I won't suggest it if I haven't seen it happen every well.

INTEGRITYA1:
Though we do have different ideas on same issues, base on our experiences and opinions

But from the concern you raised in your write up, it show how selfish and self centered you are.

How many woman or even you can agreed to suffer the same fate in your recommendations if were to be other way round (That the man have the children and the woman married as single)?

If the op is your blood brother will you still give the same advice to him.

If the woman so much concern about those points you raised; why did she moved out from that man house in the first place (Who is at fault or what lead to her moving out; we don't know and beyond the scope of the write up).

You said the children will not be happy with their mother in years to come if they should return to their father.

You should also put their father into consideration. If the man put them away and not ready to take care of them is another case.

One thing about me, I always look at issues from bother sides. I won't let my brother abandon his kids, if he's worried about then taking advantage of his money, I'll help him arrange side support in ways the ex won't get a dime from him.

Pay the fees yourself, choose the school your self, pay for the health insurance, bit their clothes. Let her and her husband handle feeding and accomodation. That's the least they can so.

Let them share custody. Arrange to either live close to each other or he gets them on weekends and holidays.

I don't give advice that I won't take or give to my loved ones.

I am not that way.

Vireani79:
He will not pay... is it by force
Have u heard his side of the story
Or the part of this gold digger and his wife who want to milk a wealthy man

They are both incapable of taking care of the kids
Give them to the dad
For me he should not drop a penny cos from this man's story it is clear it's his wealth they are banking on as a source of income

I also said they can double their hustle and not complain or take him to court.

It's not fair to call them gold diggers and the story we know is the story that we've been told here, so that's all we have to go with. He doesn't need to pay cash to them.

Co-parenting can still be arranged. But to take the kids far from their mother is evil.

johhnnie:
With due respect to your person.

I think you have never experienced how manipulative such women can be.

Most especially, when it is perceived that the ex spouse is wealthy.

It is not an experience any responsible man should go through.

Oftentimes, it is the responsible men that go through these ordeals.

Ahn ahn. Isn't that what the court is for? He can be the one paying the fees of the kids directly to their schools, he can shop for their clothes and pay for health insurance for them.

She doesn't need to receive a penny from him.

Technology has made these things easy.

Vireani79:
U don too watch American movies

We don't do alimony in nigeria

And yes many women use children living with them to milk men
Responsible for feeding them.
Won't this man also eat from the food paid for by the wealthy man

Look it's simple
The kids dont have to be with her since she and her husband are struggling
Let the wealthy man have his kids
He won't feed her and her husband through the lie of paying for his kids

Return the kids
And have peace

Let the man pay fees and basic health care while she takes care of feeding and housing.

Like I said, they should get lawyers and work on co parenting and child support.

seunmsg:
To what end if i may ask you? Why do all these just to take care of another Man's kids? Children that will grow up and still look for their biological father and bear his name? Why carry another man's load?

Dear OP, the above is a very wrong advice. In the future, you will regret wasting your life raising another man's kids and it will be too late to do anything about it. Even the so called wife you are trying to please can leave you at anytime. If she can leave a rich man after two kids, she can leave your struggling ass as well. Be wise. Let the father take care of his kids and face your own life.

I believe it's part of what he thought of before marrying a woman with two kids. If he is not capable of supporting the kids, the woman should double her hustle or head to court.

Vireani79:
Focus on the topic
The topic is not about widows
Nor struggling women

It's a topic of a man who married a woman who came with baggages he can't take care of

He is not deadbeat
He just can't trust her enough cos like a normal nigerian woman
She wants to use the kids as a get out of jail card
Milk the man
Take his money to do business and keep asking for more cos to the deadbeat husband and her, the ex is wealthy

Milk the man for what?

If they were married and are now divorced, she's no longer entitled to alimony. How is a man caring for his child by laying child support now a get out of jail card?

There are several ways to do it. He can choose their school, last their fees himself, buy their clothes himself and she would just be responsible for feeding them.

How is that hard?

vickydevoka:
Leave 9ja. After 2months he will stop sending. U see it's not easy for single mum. If I were her, I will give it to him n concentrate on my new home. I will have an agreement anyday de child go missing or is maltreated I will have d back, simple. Most 9ja women like suffering. All de single mum I know today are prostitute. Bcus I wan cater for my pikin. De people asking not to give u child to him, will not give u money

They will still use it to insult her on the future and even turn her kids against her. Make she just see herself like widow so she can double her hustle and care for the kids.

EdoFirstBorn:
Shut up

Why would he be taking care of his kids from afar so another man can take the glory and they will call that man daddy?

Learn to keep silent

No. You should keep quiet with the hate in your heart for a mother. Why can't they agree on co parenting?

Did the woman deny him access to his kids? For her to be asking him to provide for hiss kids means she's open to him being in their lives even of she's married.

Take your misogyny out of my mentions cause im not here for it. If my comments repulses you that much, ignore it for people with a more rational reasoning to comment.

Dododawa01:
God bless this man that wrote all this. From few I have read here. Pls take this advice and its a good advice. Mother of d kids shd not return d kids if she does, she's not a good mother in d future, cos thats what d man family will tell their kids in future that their mother follow man and abandon them.

And that is exactly what will happen.

Rubbiish:
Whose property are they?
Your husband?

They belong to each other. And like I said, a co parenting agreement and child support can be arranged if the man is being reasonable.

I chose to over look your second line of question. It's a insulting and unnecessary.

I'll let it slide to be the bigger person, please, be civil if you choose to respond to me, I am also capable of stooping to the gutters and it's never pretty.

perambulator:
I hate this characterisation of the father as a dead beat. The man has said he will provide the kids if they are under his roof but he will not pay for another man to raise his children. Perfectly understandable.

From the story, the woman herself sounds ireesponsible. How do you carry 2 children away from the security of their father and go and marry without finance? if anything it's the man she married (the OP) that is a dead beat because he cannot provide for the wife and her children he willingly though stupidly entered into. Firstly for turning himself into a cuckold and secondly for entering a maaraige without the finances.

That's why I'm saying if the man is insisting he won't foot their bills cause they don't live with him, then the couple should double their hustle and stop complaining. They knew what they signed up for.

Hustle and care for the kids yourself. And if you want child support so bad, take it to court.

Rubbiish:
The kids are property of her ex husband, she is getting married to her new man with her body & not with the kids! The kids belong to another man. This new man is sounding this way probably because she is yet to produce a child for him, when this current husband start having his own kids, the ones for her ex hubby will start suffering. We have seen this happen alot. Is it not best they go to someone who can fend for them? How u conclude why he didn't wife her when u obviously don't know the reason for their separation only bespeaks how biased u have decided to be on this topic!

Lol. Who said they are property of her ex husband?

I doubt they were even ever married cause OP never stated it. So I'm assuming it's a baby mama and baby daddy situation.

Even if they were married, they could still get shared custody with the man paying child support if she takes him to court. It's only alimony she will not be entitled to since she's married to another man.

Vireani79:
Read the topic
He said he and his wife are hustling
The guy is wealthy
So is she capable
If she is
The guy will not be complaining

A struggling mum doesn't equal an incapable mum. I've seen widows and single mother struggle to raise excellent kids.

I'm this case, the father isn't dead, he's just choosing to be a deadbeat so he can take away the kids.

She should stop asking the man for money and double her hustle.

alexvic12:
I'm not the person that you quoted at first. I just chipped in.

Okay. You're a more civil person.

Vireani79:
Women and emotional card
U are not capable
Give the kids to their father

How is she not capable?

lapazi:
With this your logic, will they understand and forgive their biological father in the future?

I think every decision should be based on what is best for the kids…

Going by what OP has posted, the kids staying with him is obviously not the best decision.

Send the kids to the father SIMPLE

Why will they resent a father who provides for them?

A co-parenting agreement and custody sharing can sort all this out. But to threaten to not care for his kids and planning to cut them off from their mother is just evil.

Lanretoye:
court for what,the man is not weaving his responsibilities,he only want his children...you can take the wife of a coward but not his children.

That's what custody arrangements and co-parenting is for.

Why is he wanting to take away the kids from their mum, is it cause she's a bad mother?

Rubbiish:
What are u even saying??
I thought u are married??
Why do u reason like this?
U think any man will be happy seeing his kids being raised under another man's roof when he has the capacity to do so?? Do u think your husband will be happy seeing his children raised by another man while he is alive & have the capacity to fend for them? Men only allow another man to raise their children when they don't have the capacity to! This is a very simple case, The man is ready to fend for his kids, the kids belong to both the man & woman & should be left with any party in best position to cater for them. The future of the kids is what matters & should not be over ruled by selfish interest!

If he doesn't want his kids being raised by another man, he should have wifed their mother. Are you saying single mums cannot marry because their baby's father cannot take another man raising their kids?

That decision should have been taken by using protection or marriage.

Outside that, a co parenting agreement should be made.