₦airaland Forum

Well @OP, look at it this way. Once he gets you a ring will it improve the nature of your relationship Will it make you guys lov eeach other more

As for now enjoy the guys toasting, its good for the ego.

^^^yep!! in depends, sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder and that's just the way I like it.

divalishis:
tnx for all your words of wisdom. I sincerely get d sides where u'r coming from.
Av tried d iron hand thang (placing him on a diet wheneva am around) but he jst goes out and gets what he wants. Den i told him at the rate he's blowin, no more intimacy very soon. He said i was becomin a nag.
I mean d whole thin's a big joke 2 him, he does weird belly dance/jiggles for me nwadays wen i complain. I kno its meant to make me smile, but I dont find it funny.
He likes chasing me around the house, yelling 'big daddy's comin for you' and i run and dodge rily hard because i sincerely don't want to b caught for anoda dose of punishment + afta the chase he's rily sweaty and he's wheezin, literily out of breath, and dats not sexy at all. (the chase is about d only exercise he gets).
Den wen we're done bein intimate, he lyks 2 lay on me quietly for a few seconds and am usually jst strugglin to push him off. Its a nightmare, i tell you.
Mayb its d smoke he quit, as a certain nice gurl put it.
(thank goodness he abhors social forums, so i cud giv y'all a picture of how things rily are).
I love him, i dont want to lose him. Bt am rily bein affected here. Am at my wits end.

^^^Forget it, he is not going to loose the weight for as long as he find nothing wrong with it. You on the other hand are not helping, you seem a very nice and understanding person. Dont get me wrong am not insinuating that you should change on him, stay as sweet as you are. The best help you can offer this man is that you work on yourself. Go to gym and eat healthy and hope he follows your example.

Guys lets be honest, there's nothing worse than watching the one you love change into a shrek or fiona right before your eyes. Its a huge frustration.

chaircover:
As for me personally, I wouldn't marry anyone waving a prenup in front of me. I don't care if he is richer than Bill Gates.

Call me emotional (not a crime actually to be in touch with ones emotions) but that is a debate for another day but to me Prenups leave a bad taste in my mouth and I interpret it as someone loving his money more than he loves me.

And yes if the shoe was on the other foot and I was mega rich and felt that I couldn't trust my partner not to want to take me to the cleaners, then I wouldn't marry him full stop.

IMO Prenups are for people who are not sure of the other persons intentions. . . . . so maybe they shouldn't really be getting married to this person anyway.

How can you be even thinking about who gets what even before the ring goes on the finger? Marriage is not a business contract.

I hate to say this but to save a lot of wahala, why not just marry someone in the same class as you or better still just marry your millions?

GBAM! you renting space in ma head.

kwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa!!!! @OP Your post is damn hilarious, what a way to start a friday morning. Now I cant stop laughing all because of you.

Sagamite:
For any dumb man out there that is foooling himself that he does not need a prenup. Here are woman that are not angry, have no emotional attachment to me (at least one or two of them sha [Straight face]) and are not angry, yet they refuse to be logical and all they can think of is "it is okay as long as it favours women".

Now imagine how illogical they will be in a divorce when they are angry at you. Logic will go to hell.

Giving divorce settlement is just being nice and humane.

Now in an emotionally charged divorce process (I mean all divorce), where all love is lost, just how many men do you think would actually be inclined to do the humane thing, let alone be nice  .

So what dumb woman out there would not attempt to take a man to the cleaners, when she knows that the man will be making emotional decisions

Women have been lied to, told that men are not emotional beings haha! I always laugh when I hear this. Men are most probably more emotional than women especially where money matters are concerned e.g. men kill women everyday in the name of money, now if that's not emotions of the highest order then I dont know.

Now dont get me wrong if I were a man too I'd make sure to get a prenup no doubt. Question is, how on earth do people introduce these subjects to their partners. It would be nice to hear from the married people in NL as to how they went about it and how did the decision affect the relationships if at all.

Sagamite:
What contract?

What contract?

The contract that says "Till death do us part"?

Any contract, till death do us part, in/out of community of property, with/without accrual. BTW this is just things I pick up as hear say since am not there yet, quite frankly not interested since it all doesnt make sense in my world. Never even been tempted to google the nonsense. Cant people have personal contract other than the obvious and standard marriage contracts??

eerrm!! trust me if anybody finds themselves in a divorce battle with me and there is mention of the third person, I'm afraid they wont be able to spell the word Tosh anymore. And yes if compensation is the only thing I can get away with it will be coming out of her time and pocket too. I never signed a contract that says anything about open marriage, again I'd like to believe that I married my equal not a child that needs to be baby sat all the time.

Afterall that I'll wait for those divorce papers from angry cheating liar of a hubby and see you in court once more, and please make sure you have a chat with tiger woods and he'll tell you what happens in a divorce court to a cheating spouse.

Oh! am not sure how is the truck example different from the health risk example though. Like a licensed driver my husband has signed away his license to sleep around. And if there is no law for this then Ladies I dont think we are well covered by the law. Does anyone care to sign a petition >:

kandiikane:
I think you should read the bible first about this situation before you bring the 'Good lawd' in because to God once you can produce babies you are not a child anymore,

Comprendre?

^^^ In that case lets hold hands in prayer and thank the Good Lawd for blessing me with common sense, which I dont have a problem using as he expects.

190:
[color=deeppink]ROTFLMFAO @ did i Just say that!![/color]

Noo! ROTFLMFAO (Whatever that means)

@ Why? you like roborts. Its a Killer.

Enigmatikchikala:
did i ever mention a 'minister of finance'in my post or u jst bin sarcastic?nyways,i'v NEVER said i wnt 2 drop dis guy.mayb u shd go bk 2 my post,pls

@Enigma, I dont have a problem with comprehension please. Arent you the girl who's who's caught in a dilemma involving two men?? One you've never met and gives you money and the other who is pursuing you and you get to see when you can

So now what's the dilemma about, let alone the topic

In case you dont have a problem with the questions above then I'd say you've mamaged to waste our time.

Just for the record I never use sarcasm, I always prefer true talk simply because its a lot cuter, on point and wont allow me to beat around the bush.

My opinion about your situation is that, you dont love this man you've never met, dont get love confused. Just admit you LOVE receiving money from him. simple

Again you havent answered my question on the MINISTER OF FINANCE PART. I am trying to get you to tell us the answer you already know about your topic.

We all know that you are going to cheat on the guy who sends money, so dont worry about us, we wont judge you.

Kgdavid:
hey kandiikane nakam!    its a little funny the way we human beings look at things. a 16 year old is no child and fully understands the consequences of her sexual actions so its purely her business. not that i support fornication but i dont think its a matter for public debate. its a non issue really.

A 16 year old is not a child, blah blah blah

May the Good Lawd forgive you, sigh!!!

That I am allowed to be myself and never judged for anything.

There's nothing wrong with the 7 year age gap if both of them are in their twenties. Not when the other is still a teen, hell NO!!!!

@OP let me ask you this.

WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU EXPECT YOUR MINISTER OF FINANCE TO SAY WHEN YOU TELL HIM YOU HAVE FOUND ANOTHER AND HAVE NO USE FOR HIM ANYMORE

Don't pick offense its a fair question.

Guys can we learn to raise opinions without insulting each other.

@OP, i didnt meant to interrogate you, was just trying to understand some things.

In fact your situation got me asking myself a few question and also deparately trying to remain objective over the money matter.

Since this post I've been asking myself questions about how men have been socialized in terms of thier interaction with women and how they should assert themselves with women.

Its sad actually as It would seem men have been socialised to associate women with money, and that relatively comes down to how they perceive their position in their relationships.

I cant blame @OP, she may have asked for the money but guy should have had the sence to say "NO" again its his right. Once more guy could have volunteered to give her the money without being asked its his money he does what he wants with it.

Now, to be a bit subjective the fact that men use money to secure their position in a relationship, and that us women allow it is a bit disturbing.

Sagamite:
Ah! Ok.

I never said a woman should leave with nothing.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-630753.128.html#msg7989543
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-630753.160.html#msg7989626

Makes me remember how Thierry Henry used Chillis to repudiate responsibility for rules.

[flash=400,350]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38P1j-quVw4[/flash]

I didn't make the rules, babes.


Marriage has very limited contribution to what assets I make during the marriage. It is my education, natural talent, networks, dedication and hunger that make me my money. Without marriage, those will still exist almost at 100% levels.

So I will stick with the links I put forward above.

OK we’re on the same page now. Someone may have raised this in the former pages, but all the same let me say it. We must all acknowledge that the divorce process reeks emotions and not much logic.
People forget about how they use to care for each other and become more focused on the anger, the contractual matter and what's in it for them. We can’t run away from that fact. The court is also there to entertain the contract and who feels claim over what, nothing more nothing less.

Soooo, moral of the story, get a f&*kn good lawyer, kapish!

Sagamite:
Rubbish!

If I have no feelings for you anymore and I have for someone else, as painful as it might be for any man or woman, no law should punish anyone for their feelings. You should not be able to go to court about forcing people to be with you or like you.

You can't legislate against thought or feelings. That is madness.

Nothing rubbish about it if you are going to find it normative to put my life and health at risk, not to mention the emotional distress. The law will not purnish anyone for feelings true that, but am sure the law will purnish anyone for reckless decisions, especially when they are under oath and contract.

Nobody is forced to be with me and that is why they have this thing called divorce which you are more than welcome to call for anytime.

Moral of the story, never go against the terms of any contract at random it may cost you severly.

Sagamite:
I am very curious.

Did you read this thread from start at all or you just looked at the title and decided to contribute?

C'mon give me a break 9 pages, I couldnt have. I scanned through it and decided to make my contributions based on my personal opinion re the topic.

Sagamite:
We married because we are attracted to each other, fond of each others company and want to make it permanently exclusive (hopefully forever, but realistically as long as we can).

So as much as we are attracted to each other and fond of each others company, the only way for us to make it permanently exclusive (hopefully forever, but realistically as long as we can) was through the contract? way to go!!!!

Lets agree then that the marriage contract has nothing to do with us being fond of each other but assets acquired while we were hoping to be together forever. The contract and us being fond of each other are two separate issues , at least by my standards.  

Sagamite:
Absolutely fcking thrilled to make money and share it with my wife or even girlfriend, but once they stop being either I want to have a right not to share anymore on reasonable terms and as soon as reasonably possible.

Fair deal

Sagamite:
We marry because:

- It is a cultural/religious expectation that makes most people feel proper and honoured, especially women but also men.
- It entails much nice fanfare. You should taste the jollof rice at a Nigerian wedding, it will blow your mind.
- It has societal respect capital.
- It is encouraged by government and has fiscal benefits.
- It is good for stability of offsprings to have committed parents.
- Show of commitment to each other. Basically sweet (as women will say).

If these are the reasons then I'll pass.

I need to find the person who made point one in your list popular and stone him/her to death. As for the rest I have no doubt that I dont need a contract to achieve all that. When I say I want to be with you I mean the list, simple rules of engagement from the onset.

Sagamite:
Perfect! As long as you know my money, cash flows and assets is part of me.

eerrmmm! not so fast make sure there is no third party involved in the end and that she is not the reason for this divorce, cos I'll even drag her to court and its a promise. I am being serious, I'll sue both of you and I still wont file for a divorce. Remember I married absolutely   and am not the one with the roving eye.

But honestly guys, marriage is fast losing its base. There is no need for it anymore, especially if its in the name of love. Love is faaar bigger than marriage and we have managed to reduce it to a mere contract.

In my world I reckon your conscience should speak to you first before any form of contract, but I also want to acknowledge that I may be just another dreamer.

Sagamite:
How has he branded you a gold-digger?

This is what I hear from a prenup, Lady here's a prenup in case when this thing comes to an end you get nothing.

I mean for f&*k sake why would I even ask for anything. What a nerve, for a man to even think I am in it to get some cash out of it just in case, you know. Are you not worthy of more as a man?


Three questions:

1. Do we marry to remain one or a unit.
2. Whoever makes more is he/she making it for the individual or for the family he/she has been building since the conception of the "lets get married idea"?
3. Why do we marry"? no one has answered. Could somebody please help me out.

BTW, when I am with you I am with you absolutely and trust me when I leave you I'll leave you absolutely.

And how you are going to leave me is soooo up to you.

@OP, you dont love her and fro three years you kept on going back for more hhhmmm!!!

Send him a phone text message, it goes very very fast.

Now if that's not the fastest way to end a relationship, then I dont know of any other that compares.

Enigmatikchikala:
i neva asked 4 cash xcept 4 d job,it jst wrkd,nuffin 2 it

eerrmm!!! how did he end up knowing there's bills to pay and which bills to pay and how much is needed to pay the bills?

Enigmatikchikala:
I'v got a guy dat we'v neva seen,but dating.how?got ma pix tru ma cousin via fb.he's bin gud n caring,infact he got me bk on ma feet,as per,he neva fails 2 pay ma bills,went as far as getn me a vry gud job.we'v bin talkn on fone 4 d past 6mnths,n, on d oda part,got dis vry kul guy dats bin askn me out,am mst confusd cus i'm alrdy in luv wit ma cousin's frnd(dat v neva met)wat do u thnk?shd i wait 4 d oda or ?pls i nid your best advice.ciao [/color][color=#550000][flash=200,200][/flash]

:oYou've never met him and he never fails to pay your bills already, DAMN some chicks are good. I need to learn this art. Please help lady out with some lessons. How do you start asking for money? what words do you use? Do you use a stern voice and straight face which in this case he hasnr seen, soooo exactly how does it work

Pweety4me:
[color=#330077]1. The Pervert: Is a sex addict. Never gets tired of sex even after countless rounds. He doesn't mind despoiling even kids to satisfy his urge.

2. The Player:Cant see a gurl and take his eyes off. Alwayz wanna test everything underskirt as soon as he see it, He's a FLIRT.

3. The workacholic: Is attached to his job. Nuffin can come between him and his job, To him its all about the BENJAMINS!

4. The Dictator: Alwayz wants u to do what he says, its either his way or the HIGH WAY. your opinion doesnt matter to him. He's a CONTROLLER.

5. The Mamasboy: Depends on mama for everything, cant take a decision without mama's consent, to him what mama says is alwayz right cos he believes mama can never be wrong. He can NEVER stand on his own.

6. The Spiritfilled: Is a stalker. He cares SO MUCH. he alwayz wanna be with u 24/7, Alwayz keeping an eye on you.


So guys which one are UAnd gurlz which one of these wud u date/can never date

Plz note One guy can possess more than one of these xters!
The essence of this post is not to create propaganda but to enlighten us n mk us ve fun.

So? [/color]

^^^I look forward to being married and now you've just f&k*d up my dream. No hope.

deniyor:
The truth is usually bitter.
Unfortunately, you are already married. So carry and enjoy your cross. What happens to accepting people for who they are? You have admitted she hasn't changed. You met her like that, and she was good enough for you to date, and then marry. If you admit the truth to yourself, you will find that it is the control freak in you that is coming out instead of tackling what the real underlying issue is.
She did not lie to you or decieve you in marriage. Now you feel you can change her just on a whim?
FYI I hate heavy makeup and I can't stand chewing gum. But I do not go dating women who do any of that. I like long hair and hate wigs so I date women with long hair. I still do not let go of my values. Kapish.

And let the truth be said, Kapish indeed.

@OP, brilliant question. An enigma that only men can unravel for us.

The only answer I've ever managed to get out of a few guys I've asked is that, "well since she's been around, she knows what's expected in bed, she's now tired of sleeping with different men and wont cheat, she is experianced and knows how to handle a man"

All this blah! blah! blah! still doesnt add up to me.

iniestar:
Hi Fellow Nairalanders,
There is something on my mind i need to share with you guys.
I am a Very succesful Nigerisn guy based in Miami Florida.I met a young woman during my NYSC days over 10years ago in the Eastern part of Nigeria,she was blessed in every way beauty,brains and everything a man could ask for and there were alot of men in better positon who wanted her but she only had eyes for me.Her family accepted me and treated me like their own during my stay in their town.Even after my NYSC when I struggled to find a job she supported me and was there for me in every way.My mother later found out about her when she opened up a letter my girlfriend sent to me when I was in Abuja in which my girlfriend admitted she was carrying my baby but had to terminate it because she was in her final year in university.
My mother went mental and kicked against the relationship and had a bitter war of words with the girls mother,saying I couldn't marry her.I should have stood by my girl and call my mothers bluff but I didn't .I broke her heart and left her to deal with my unborn baby all by herself,she said I would never find happiness with another woman and ten years on am still baffled.if I could turn back the hands of clock I would have handled things differently.
I am now in a better place in life and very successful.I have been with countless women since then but I still feel empty and unhappy it doesn't matter how beautiful the women are.I am not looking to get back with my ex cos she is now married and we live in different continents.But a part of me still feels bad and I want to ask for her forgiveness.I have tried contacting her on facebook to apologise,but she did not reply.Marigold,if you are reading this I want you to know am really sorry for breaking your heart and I'll trade all my riches for your forgiveness.Cos you were there when I was nothing.

Guy you've said your apology and its written on the wall, so now forgive yourself and move on. You dont have to see her to say it.

Stop using issues of yesterday as an excuse for failure in your current relationships. You just need to accept those relationships for what they were/are and soldier on until you find the right one.

If you ask me I'd say you are standing in your own way and you want to blame it on her inability to forgive you.

She's moved on, and her not wanting to talk to you is just a message to say you are a thing of the past that she'd rather forget.

eghost247:
mtchew

^^^mtchew, for what now

aloy/emeka:
Why not marry a millionaire?. He can employ a civil engineer who can build you those dreams of yours.

hhhmmm! you missing the point, its about the things he can do for you with his own hands. Unfortunately they dont make them like that anymore. Man today cant even replace a light bulp. Hopeless.

Yeah! as for marrying a millionaire anyday. He'll find me waiting at the alter.

Bring the matter to her attention and yes drop her its possible she's a compulsive liar and needs to take care of it one way or the other.

Some people never stop their bad habits cos nobody ever tells them the real truth about who they are or how they present themselves.

An engineer, and if its civil engineer all the better. This is for one reason only. I've always dreamt of a lake house and it came with a sweet husband who was going to build me a bridge to cross over the lake to and from home.

This bridge he was going to design himself and be hands on in the construction.

That dream still lives on. hhhmmm! if only wishes were horses hey! 

But why do people lie so much in the name of love. Listen to this women:"

"I discovered too late that I love my husband", I mean really lady, now am rolling my eyes.

Also, if someone is in love with you no matter what they will try by all means possible to contact you. She's the only person who's been making efforts to contact lover boy, and lover boy was getting all cosy with his new squeeze with no care in the world. really lady 

Wonder how old is the woman on the story. But if my dad tried to hit me, he had better be prepared what's coming his way. I'd get all kung-fu all over him. mxewww!!!