₦airaland Forum

Just like my father. I knew it when I first laid eyes on him. Whenever I visit my half sister's family its the only thing they talk about, I know my mother likes the idea of me looking just like him I dont know why??

I enjoyed the post yoooo naira's you make me laugh oooo! thank you all for that though. Anyway I agree with most posters on pesonal growth issues, so true. But then again let us not forget that personal growth is not a destination its a lifelong and neverending journey. Some peole meet their partners before they can acquire much and then they help each other grow from there, by giving the right support, learning from each other etc and they make it. But I guess its always safe for marriage to come after one has worked hard on themselves, and maybe this rules out the age factor.

Been reading this thread and yes! as always nairaland will have you laughing silly. Unfortunately this is no laughing matter though, that even in this century people are limited from access to education. I strongly believe that this is an issue of education and its been said from ages back and the situation remains still, can somebody please tell me why?. Lack of education breeds too much ignorance, but I wonder who is to blame in this calamity and who is to make the difference?, Oh! Africa my continent, are we ever going to it right.

This is one topic that I believe has a lot more hidden debth to it, that if we begin to unravel and dig deeper it will make a lot of my african brothers and sisters in the diaspora want to come back home and fix a lot of things. Forgive me for highjacking the topic and maybe taking it out of its intended context. Its just that images of some of these men and women come rushing in my head. Those men and women who leave in shacks cant afford education even if they wanted to. You must come and live in South Africa then you will know what I am talking about. Peole pay an arm and a leg to get education here and education can only be afforded by a few.

This is just me venting out the frustrations of my mother land,

Got Stevie Wonder "Joy inside my tears" playing in my head right now. Please tell us about that song playing in your head right at this moment and the lyrics that stand out for you in the song, and please do so everyday if you must,

Your wife needs to learn that when God has given you plenty you must humble yourself, before he decides to do it for you, when somebody has wronged you sometimes it is not up to you to decide their fate, God probably made it work for you guys so that your family can learn something from this,

Cantell says: two wrongs dont make a right, and I am loving it. What about you

^^^^I dont know about marrying somebody that expects me to complete them hey!. I want to marry you in your completeness. Why invite people in your life when you know that you still have half the work to do on yourself. I will definately marry somebody I can complement and vise versa. These incomplete people have got no business what so ever to marry others yet, True that some people are just book smart and are absolute social retards, balance people, balance

Please get out of there. Why move in in the first place, wrong move,

Chaircover your response Nice, really nice. Its a Bravo, I wonder if anybody else hears you which they should,

heeee! ^^^^I cant believe you had words for him ooo!

Lonely (only child)

I keep hearing the pharse "sex sells, sex sells" but why is that its only the women that will do the full monty, expose and flaunt especially in music videos. The men will only go as far as taking the top off and that's it, Women are we then admiting that we are sex objects. I believe that even when its covered you can still tell if its well taken care of,

My problem is with men in thier baggy jeans/denim/pants exposing their underwear, nobody wants to see your underwear in public, they dont call it underwear for nothing so please keep it under,

Ohhhh! I cant see no picture, but this thread got me laughing so hard I am in stiches

It was an ad on TV about crisps. In SA we call crisps chips. Anyway this chip has got funny legs and is prancing all over the piano making catchy music. There goes my mother "you must never eat those chips again because you will end up walking just like that chip. I tell you till this day I dont touch those chips, When I tell her about it today she tells me she needed to find a way to get me to eat proper food other than those chips especially in the evening. Apparently meal time was war time in our house,

Hi Chocolatte, I hope things got better with time. Your son must be 14yrs now. Please write to us and tell us how different the situation is now. Its in situations like these when I know that God is alive especially where a child's future is concerned. God is the father of that child and he has provided for him all this time, no other man will ever replace him.

I was raised by a single parent and asked to see my father at age 13. This is something that happened out of curiousity because my mothers and her friends wouldnt stop this talk about how I look just like my father especially when they were having girl talk. My mother never objected. Never for once have I felt short of a father. I believe as children we dont always know what we dont have. My teenage days were even more interesting I'd visit my friends during school holidays and their hoseholds were different.

In their houses the air was thick with tension because they were trying to be at their best behavours whenever dad is around. People would speak in soft voices when the father is around. The mothers would always use the dad as the scarecrow to get the children to do what she wants them to do. The father never spoke to anyone unless he was ordering instructions get me this get me that, otherwise he is just sitting by himself reading reading paper or watching the news on TV. Mother and father would talk behind closed doors and those moments would freak me out for real LOL!

Today my father and I have got a great frienship both of us never needed each other as father and daughter. The more I think about it the more I realize that that's exactly how it was meant to be. I have forgiven him and my mother has forgiven him. Everyday I thank my mother for the gift of forgiveness and giving that she has taught me. Let God do his job and you do yours and that is continue to love this child. You both will have a good laugh about this as you grow older. My mother and I do it all the time,

Classic case of "KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRICE" LOL!

Nwaka 80, I concur with your last post and again well said. Please allow me to jinx it up a bit and am looking forward to opinions on this one. I believe that since my husband came first he should remain the first. Our children will grow someday and leave the nest. This whole partnership will still be between me and my husband again just the two of us. The big deal with children is to prepare them for the future and that they become responsible with their independance, and what better way to set an example by showing them how and where to keep the focus and make wise investments in their families.

I think you need your partner more later in life that you do when you are still young and heathly so make a wise investment to reap the best returns. Your children might not be there and you really do not want to be an incenvenience in as far as their independance is concerned. I know I am leaving a lot of holes in what I had to say, but I hope you get the gist.

I once got a shocking response from a boyfriend when I was complaining about not getting enough attention, his response was that "I do not even call my mother as much and she doesnt complain" HUH! to my surprise, I thought the relationships were different and if they are the same then there is no place for me here,

Oprah is a classic example when it comes to such an issue. She could have easily blamed her parents for poor protection or lack thereof when she was abused by family and even opted for a promiscuous life in her teenage hood. However she made decisions early on to be the best she can be using her strengths. Nobody out there will lift you up if you havent showed them your strengths. I learned from an early age that "the world meets nobody halfway"

Everything I do I ask myself first, will my mother be proud.

I personaly believe that men afraid of successful women generally suffer from superiority complex that it is inferiority complex. Some men are just ruled by the idea of dominance. If they cant dominate the person, be in charge of the relationshiop and the direction that it takes, they feel out of control and that is interpreted as unsafe and unfarmiliar territory.

For me a girl that makes money is cherry on top, we all have preferences and there's nothing wrong with that. What's important though in a relationship is respect. God knows the only time I lose it is when anyone treats me with disrespect, cant stand it,

NJ11, sometimes love is overated you know. Biina your response got me thinking you know sometimes as people we need to concerntrate on things that are positive about our situations and the people in our lives. I say love your husband for all he is, as I am sure you will want the next man to love you with all you are. Yes it may have been forced on you but you lacked the character to say no when you had the chance. I fell preganant at 18 I was still a baby but I knew I didnt want the father of my child in my future and I made it clear to everyone, his family and mine. I didnt want to bring a child in this life to experience a life made of lies.

Today I look back on the decision and I am wowed! I know I couldnt have done it by myself, God has always been on my side. It has not always been perfect but I am the kind to own up to my decisions (its called character). I've got a friend who got married a year after I got a child. Now you must know in SA getting married to a doctor in the early nineties was big, girlfriend had hit the jackpot and she was the envy of all her peers. After two kids in two years of marriage the whole thing collapsed.

The message I am trying to drive home here is that, experience has tought me that Love is totally overated, people have their best and poor qualities. I gather that you havent even had a chance to know who you are, what you are made of and what you stand for. My advice is that and I hate giving advice "DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND FOR ANOTHER MAN, LEAVE HIM BECAUSE ITS TIME TO BE WITH YOURSELF AND GOD"

Sometimes in life we need to turn our lemons into lemonade, its called being creative with your problems. Make sure whatever decision you take today you will not look back with regret. This is the essence of your situation, Dont forget to talk to God,

Well Scudamore, Yes you have forgiven that's why you are in a happy relationship now, but the fact that you still want a discussion about it leaves much to be desired. This in my mind tells me that you cant seem to forget about it and you should ask yourself why? By all means, I am not suggesting that you leave her, stay if love is still calling. Its just that she's managed to put a stain in your relationship and some stains are hard to remove. I challenge you to delete this post if you have totally forgiven and willing to move past this experience

Hi Lizzy I was scanning through this thread and I picked up in your responses that you are quiete afraid of your husband. Something tells me that in your heart of hearts you are not thinking everlasting with this man. You are uncomfortable, not free and open with him simply because you are afraid of him. I believe that when a women is comfortable and content with her marital set up she will discuss anything and everything with her husband. I think you guys dont make the best of friends in your marriage considering the history of abuse. Please dont get me wrong I am not pointing a finger at you and trying to label your marriage a bad marriage, you know best.

Lets think about this, your husband doesnt want you to send the money home, buy yourself nice things and even buy yourself a house. Ask him exactly what would he like for you guys to do with the money. I think you were not suppose to treat the whole thing as my money/his money issue in the first place. Your answer in the first place should have been its our money lets talk about what we need to do with it. Make him feel like he is part of the plan. Sometimes you need to kill aggression with graceful kindness.

In any event your marriage contract should protect you in case things come to an end. Can I share one big secret that I learned from a cousin of mine is that if you make big money try  and invest some of it in gem stones because you never know when your country or the world could experience yet another revolution. She said she learned this from one german woman whom her grandparents had left germany in the times of war. When they left the country they left with nothing but the clothes on their back. Fortunately the grandmother had been collecting rare stones. This was their passport to a different country, by the time they had sold all the stones they had good enouhg money to buy a very very small house and start a small business which today they have enough wealth for generations to come.
I am simply mentioning this just to give you ideas on other ways that you can invest the money, and your husband needs to stop playing mind tricks on you. He needs to be straight up and indicate exactly why he asked you that question in the first place and what is it that he wants you guys to achieve.

Oh Koolchicco thanks for the welcome and to all of you thanks for engaging me in this topic

A lot of you make valid points indeed, even in our differences. My thing about this is that people tend to make a huge mistake in the beginning. For everybody that plans on getting married, this is one of the many issues of discussion between partners as soon as people start thinking marriage. Its called planning, because there's is a goal to achieve here "A successfil marriage" The mistake we do is that we get so caught up in the ideal wedding day and not marital life. Not to mention how we quickly we want to go and brag to our friends about the proposal.

Things to talk about will include role definition, how many children and please do not make as many as Angelina Jolie the poor guy wants to go and hang out with the boys without any guilt some time LOL!. Yes you can adopt a child and I take a bow for those who do. I would love to give one homeless child a home. Who goes to work and who doesn't, God knows my future husband had better be at work and we can both work no problem times are tough, some of us want to explore our talents. Who takes care of what bills, sex yes I said it how to accommodate each other, what happens when we develop new interests. It shouldn't mean people are growing apart however, new interest should not be demeaning or offensive to your family (Respect), and in fact your relationship should help you become a better person everyday or at least make you want to be a better person even from the beginning.

Does he/she inspire you, understand your drive and is he/she willing to support you. Remember you will remain individuals within a union. I certainly dont think you want to be the same person 10 years later. Then we are just taking up too much space on earth we might as well die, since we are here to do nothing. Oh! there's an issue on religion please agree on that as well. Remember its not going to be a bed of roses. Where you dont agree one of you has to yield its not the end of the world.

Let's agree on one fact then, that your partner's wanting you to quit your job should not have come as a surprise, you should have done your spot checks from the beginning Hey!,

Hi All m very new on this block from SA. found this block by chance and the topic somewhat struck home. No! I am not married and about to leave my job but marriage is one of the things I've yet to do with my life. Anyway! I personally would quit my job to be a home maker. I am a sucker for kiddies and healthy families, maybe because they are so rare these days, however as a women given an opportunity to do that I would live for it. Whether it works out or not in the end I would have done what I truly believe in with my life. Its a legacy I want to live behind. There'll always be two possible outcome in things we do they will either work out or not the question is, are you ready for the choices you are about to make? and when you take that chance do it to the full and never regret anything. Things aren't always as bad as they seem especially when things don't work out to the best of our interest one can always pick up the pieces. Just make sure you always have the skill to fend for yourself when times are tough,

I think as women we make decisions that are right for men and not for us hence we get frustrated when things dont pay off (please dont stone me yet), then we want to play the blame game. It is your right to get up and go to work same as when the choice is the opposite. Just make sure you do not blame anyone when it goes wrong because you made that choice for yourself (I am not talking about beng selfish, but state of contentment. PLEASE do not rub it on a man's face that you are an independant woman and you make your own choices "to work or not to work" just make sure that when you say yes it feels right within so that when you look back you can look back with tears of joy, pride and your head held high,

Well that's justs my one cent opinion,