₦airaland Forum

Ndeewonu:
Attack, attack, attack, mixed with invectives and curses. Na wao!


Guys (not ladies this time), can my problem be b/c I DO NOT Drink (Alcohol) & DO NOT Smoke (cigarette)?

I'm thinking about hanging out late after work, drinking alcohol with buddies, coming home late and quietly going to bed. She knows I dont do that. Mayb, it will help matters. Pls, ladies, I'm NOT asking you now.

@poster ooooo please listen. Yo are not under attack here. If you read agathamari's post you will realise that there is so much to learn from. These women are merely trying to share light in how women feel about these things. You can decide to be positive or defensive. However it takes a certain level of maturity to understand what women are saying here. This is an opportunity for you to learn my brother take it. Ofcourse they dont have to say only what you want to hear, and I am afraid not all men will agree with you.

I for one am aware that you want to be a better man, and maybe that is who you are and you cant understand the situation you finding yourself in hence you started the thread.

tobiloba82:
anyone who says that the guy shouldn't borrow must be earning a very good pay as salary or doing a very lucrative business.
the truth is a lot of people borrow money. it is just that one should be very careful of the amount he is borrowing. your debt should not be more than you monthly salary or maybe two months salary. Don't be fooled, a lot of couple borrow.
you neva marry that is why you are condemning the move. Go and prepare for wedding, then you will know if there is a low key occasion in Nigeria.

Ofcourse only people who can afford luxury should have luxury. Why wish to have things you cannot afford on someone elses account? Why must your eyes be bigger than your pocket? Who on earth has been putting money aside for you so that one day you can have your dream wedding? people have have their own needs and plans. Why not wait till the day you can afford it? Why cant you live well enough with what you have and what you dont have?
Why cant you work hard towards that which you desire and be patient, than to incenveniece people with your borrowing? Where is your pride? Yes there's always a bank to borrow money from, who wants to have a wedding on credit that will accrue interest? By the way all that money is just going to buy people alcohol and food, an expensive dress and suit that you will only wear one day. No wonder people want to kill each other when things dont work out well in their marriage.

Havent you heared of a budget, please live within your means.

Black people why must we be so black I mean really?

I wonder what else the pair would be willing to do to get anything they want out of life. I know plenty of dubious Nigerians here in SA, up to a lot of mischief, ask me why I hang out with them? Is that as soon as they can let their gut down with you, you quickly learn just how a wonderful and good people they are inside. I sometimes want to understand their plight and forgive the things they do, but I guess its not my place. I still ask, just how much are we willing to give up as humans in order to have earthly possessions.

Fact that this was an issue of consideration by the couple make want to laugh

Apparently changing your maidens name to your husbands is a sign of oness. I whose eyes I ask? There we go again worried about what others may say in relation to the choices we make especially in marriage. I believe oness matters most when nobody else is watching, behind closed curtains/doors and its just the two of you. Again I believe it has a lot to do with what lies within the two of you about each other that which nobody else can see and only you and your partner may know and maybe even that which your partner will never know. Whether I change my maiden name or not is inconsequential to the sanity and wellbeing of the union. I may change my maiden name, question is, will it change the person in me inside and out?

Personaly its not what I prefer but just one of those things I guess I'll end up doing for sake of conformity. It wont kill me,

agathamari:
you think women dont go through the same thing? women don thave intimacy drives above thier husbands? women dont have dozens of men hitting on them daily? get off it. this isnt a women dont get it cr@p. this is a personal choice you made, it is noone faust but yours for your decision. if you think for one min you can sit there and say "its my wifes fault for not giving it up" then you better be ok with your wife having multiple partners when your not in the mood. it goes both ways. marriage isnt about se/x but love. they are two completely diff concepts. i dont give a flying fu/ck if you havent gotten it for 12 days or 12 years. if you love your wife and honor your marriage you cant do what you did. you had plenty of opertunities to seek help (talking to your wife as an equal, seeing a counselor, helping with chores, taking your wife out for a romantic weekend with someone else watching the kids, or any number of other ideas) yet instead you chose the easy path with the hoochies. the only way your wife can forgive this is if you tell her. if she finds out on her own (or already knows) she is far far more likly to leave you. i just hope for your sake she isnt spitful

Ouch! @ poster sorry to burst your bubble but agathamari is correct, as hush as she/he may come across. This is what I call calling a spade a spade. Again poster why are you turning this into a gender issue, is it because you want to hear people say its ok to cheat because you are a man?

@ Poster I think your wife is no longer comfortable with her body anymore now that she's had three babies. While she may have enjoyed you touching her bosoms too, after three babies she doesnt look at her bosom and think sexy. She may still be the sexiest thing alive in your eyes even after the babies, the problem is if she doesnt think that way herself you'll continue to hit a brick wall.

If you think I may be right, please try and help her find ways to fall in love with her body all over again, please dont ask me how, I know nothing, just get creative and hopefully things will change,

Oh! by the way I didnt read the entire story here. I dont blame the two, as this was just another desparate measure. Its just that the thought of it made me want to really have a look at what is happening around me. Why is it that as an African I cannot pack my things and leavejust to go and enjoy life in Ghana, Congo, Naija or amywhere else in my beautiful continent. Why is it that even today that my fellow africans would still prefere white mans land over thiers and do whatever it takes to gain access there.

, And you know whats funny they come back to Africa and brag about a better life they lead and how much they know, forgetting just how much they've had to compromise to get that. Think gravity, its the gravity of your actions that counts the most sometimes and I dont think we should be superficial about this,

skfa1:
O Lord , help us from poverty so that we will not be doing some wrong things (Amen)

I still think its sad. To think that poverty will make you do such things. Our very own politics have brought us down to these levels, by the way this makes news for amusement to the west and all other superpowers. Is the situation here at home really that unbearable are we really willing to dehumanise ourselves to that extent.

skfa1:
O Lord , help us from poverty so that we will not be doing some wrong things (Amen)

, and yes this is what we need to pray for. These are some of the reasons why africans should stop casting and cursing at each other, start pulling together. I believe each and everyone of us have got a role to play and it starts with a smile from within. It will take generations to correct this but it has to start somewhere and this is your time.

bee444:
Marriage, Marriage Marriage ! Why are we so worried?

There is something about the number 30 that strikes fear into any woman hoping to get married. The fear of negligence and sense of desperacy from men.

Your 20's are about test driving your emotions, test driving men and defining self. The adjectives used to define Mr. Right at 20 generally include smart, tall, fun, handsome, ambitious, great car and awesome in bed. At twenty, a year is a very long time and for most women, the person she is at 20 is drastically different the woman she becomes by 30.

By 30, Mr. Right grows up, puts on a few pounds and has better things to do with his time than drink beer, work out and live just for the moment. Now at 30 you realize substance exceeds aesthetics and a guy with six-pack abs usually spends too much time in the gym and too little time involved in the world around him.

The new adjectives now reflect your own maturity and include more concrete ideals such as integrity, a passion for living, principles, goal-oriented, considerate and loving. By thirty, you realize it’s not whether you want him, it’s whether he wants you. At thirty you sometimes forget what year it is because time now goes by so fast.

Here is the good news if you're in your 30's and still waiting,
Of course no amount of maturity stops the panic. If you're still single you begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you. Why is it so many women who are not attractive, smart or funny seem to have no problem finding Mr. Right? Don't men like women with brains, looks, a sense of humor and well honed maternal instincts? If so, where are they!

In truth, your Mr. Right is probably thinking the same thing about you. Where are you? It's hard to believe, but there is actually a shortage of healthy, mentally-sound, non-addicted, heterosexual thirty-something females looking to get married. Once you reach 35, male or female, only 50% of the dating pool is healthy. Healthy means no addictions, mental diseases or other impediments to a successful relationship.

In conclusion, if you're still single, live life to the fullest. Enjoy your designer stuff and go out the more. Attend social gathering and put on more friendly smile. Use your initiative and don't allow your pastor to hook you up with someone. You're too precious for that (you're a peculiar person to God). Never go into a relationship with a brother that went to his pastor b4 coming to you. Adam chose his wife without help from no one. Let the lucky person be attracted to you without sentiment or share of pity.

God bless

Ahhhhhh! where have you been all my life. You are an emoticon with a light bulp above his head. Stay as smart as you are,

I'd beat and slap the crap out of him, hell be crying out for his mama

@Poster your story brought Justin Timberlake's song to my mind, the song goes something like "What goes around comes around" you know the song??

Me' shell Ndegeocello

Waterfall
Nothing can harm me at all
My worries seem so very small
with my waterfall

I can see
My rainbow calling me
Throughthe mistry breeze
of my waterfall

Some people say
day dreaming's for all the, huh
Lazy minded fools
So let them laugh, laugh at me
So just as long I have you
Just as long as I have you

Waterfall
Dont ever change your ways
fall with me for a million days
Oh! my water fall

Fhemmmy:
i am very sure, there are medical help

I am also convinced that there is medical help too.

sexyLeamon:
One word: earplugs!

Earplugs not a bad idea try it poster.

But then again I am not sure why this should be a crisis that has potential to end a marriage. Its something for a couple to even laugh about. Cuddle up with your man before he sleeps and do everything else that you need to do if you know what I mean LOL! then as soon as he starts snoring move to the other room or bed. If he gets up before you he can come join you or prepare you breakfast which gives you time to rest, and it will be his way of saying sorry for those night that I keep you up with my snoring especially on those nights where I cant let go of you and thank you for being such a great sport about it by understanding that there's always a solution to such minor things.


I understand that he could be the problem since you mention that you opt to sleep in another bed. This make your marriage unique enjoy it and dont get bothered by issues of complacency/conformity over what is the norm about married people. His presence should count more.

Ok fine dude, I saw your post some time back as chaircover has mentioned and I thought to myself I'll have to be totally crazy to want to share a word with somebody like you when there's so many sound people to share a good chat with here. But now your persistance is too much for me to just pass by and I finally decided to give it up and give you some time of my day. What is it really? what's going on with you because this is absolute lunacy and indicative of an obssesive behaviour? Are you a psycho?

Honestly you are looking for a wrong thing in a wrong place if you ask me. Tell me in your sober mind do you believe there's a LADY with a MATURED MIND who is NOT PRETENTIOUS, who is willing to be in a relationship that doesnt promise anything. My brother you are reaching for the sky here. Maybe you should change the title of your topic to "Looking for some idiot with no brains, no emotions and has no idea what to love and be loved is all about" 

I find it rather interesting that you even went to the length of defining the standard for what you are looking for. Somebody like you should just grab anything that walks in the woods and be glad that you could at least find something you'll be fine I am sure.

Please you are boring the hell out of Chaircover and Tsiya, Get a grip on yourself Ooooooo

Blueice4re:
Well i feel wat u are saying, but wat if it happens to be your sis are you going to ask her to asist.well your hubby should talk to him in assisting the family not you,let it be done in a peace full way in order not to send him away, Good luck.

Blueice4re I like. I find it a bit disturbing that the young man could not find it within himself to make the decision on his own. Where is his conscience? now people must get out of their way to teach him common decency, which he may not even take too kind to. Why must some people behave like they grew up without parents to teach them common manners people.

Not only in Nigeria, you should come here in SA and see what the elderly have to endure just to get a simple dosage for a chronic illness. Its pathetic. The government is not helping either as there's always shortage of the bare necessities e.g. sterilizers can you believe it. I gree with some of the posters civil servants just lack the understanding of what customer care is all about.

I also believe that in general as black people we just dont have respect for each other completely. I dont know why but one always sees themselves better than the other its a shame, especially if you put them in a position of authority. It doesnt matter how minute the authority, their head will just swell a million times.

@Poster please forgive him, men sometimes even forget their own birthday. They dont attach as much importance to this day. Sit him down and tell him how it makes you feel everytime you have to remind him of your birthday and make him understand how important this day is to you.

Try the following tricks

1. Get him into a culture of marking important dates in an annual calendar make sure everybody's birthday that's important to him is marked and that he actually does something on that birthday, even if its about giving those people a mere phone call, he's bound to get used to it,

2. Secretely save your birthday in his mobile phone and activate a reminder for 12am that should help

3. Spoil him rotten on his birthday that'll make him want to outdo you on your birthday

4. Visit this topic again on your next birthday nd tell us how it went. Remember he is just being a typical male Good Luck,

Guys please allow me to share this one. I got a pet name and its "Noodles" I just looove it, Pity he is just a boyfriend and he could just be passing by. I wish I could keep him for life just so I can hear the sound of that name over and over,

beingme:
God help us

Yes indeed, God help us all,

bootstrap:
Will i add MY PARENTS on my FRIENDS list? what sort of question is that, . ,
i will add them on MY PARENTS list , _{the day FB creates that}, and not my FRIENDS list!

tl!tl!tl!tl, funny very fynny, and oh so true. I mean they can add thier friends in thier friends list. I am quiet sure that would be the reason why they joined facebook in the first place,

aaaaaam,eeeeeem! I for one am one of those women who do not have a problem with submission. I dont know for some reason I like the advantage of it since beign the head can be a huge task. You know the old saying "with big power comes big responsibilities. I believe God gave men this role because he understood very well what it takes to be responsible for other's.

I am not even worried that a man, (and I am talking about real men by the way) will ever be unable to handle the task as he will always be guided by God and be suported by the Love of his woman. I think as soon as a women undersatnds her role in a marriage it should be easy to let go of "Power Ranger" wanna be issues.

Can somebody tell me why is it that women are soooooo obssessed with being Power Rangers these days? Every conversation with a women these days is about "I dont care about him, I have my own money, I can take care of myself" etc. etc. Oh! shut up who said you can't.

rosejen:
i married last year October to my husband, i am a marketer in a bank and since i married my husband he has been suspecting me of double dating especially because of the job i do in the bank, now he has requested us to take a blood oath that if any any of us does hv sex aside from both of us, that the person will go mad.

pls advise me on what to do.should i take the oath or not?

My goodness, what has this world come to. I thought the marriage vows you took in front of a priest, witnesses and God were good enough oath for two people to understand the depth of their love and its true meaning. My word there's even a contract to proof that an oath was taken by two people.

Why a second oath, what is this?

I am worried about the next thing that your husband will ask you to do to prove your love for him, or is it the next thing that you will contemplating to do just to prove to your husband how much you love him.

You know what as a matter of fact I think this is just a joke. There's no such people dont do such things unless if they come from the stone age, and your husband being human and a new age man Ithink all he needs is a hug. Just give the poor guy a hug and tell him you love him, and that he must please stop playing games with your head otherwise you'll age before time,

OH! God no, not this topic again. Life at 30 when you are not married, so what? Do I need a man next to me to validate my existence

I may have said this somewhere in one of the such topics, never match your life exitence against numbers, its a waste of time. This advice I got from my current colleagues both married females well over 50. I tend to listen better when elderly people speak because they've been here on earth longer than I have.

Am just me:
For your marriage to work, its GOD! HE instituted marriage and HE alone can help you through it if your having problems.
I know a couple of people from broken homes and i can assure you that you can hardly be happy after divorce esp. after having children, both the parents and the kids suffer emotionally and spend d rest of their lives blaming and hating each other.[color=#990000][/color]

Secondly, dating/courtship is VERY different from marriage, no matter how long sometimes people are just hard to really understand.

Sincerely i want to ask u are u sure u r your husband's only wife? how much of him do u know since u guys met online?

Couldn't agree more. They never heal. However I've met people who have advised their parents to divorce and actually couldnt wait to see them apart because being together hurt the children more.

harpo:
yeah i also like the name ZARA

harpo that's a cool one.

After Zee I may be a little tempted to have another and call him/her Golden. I dont know but it sounds like a name given by proud parents,

There's other naitive names that I am also crazy about the naira's might not get the pronounciation correct but they are

Mmasetshaba meaning Mother of the Nation
Kgomotso meaning Comfort
Mbali meaning flower
Wame meaning mine
Zwelibanzi meaning the world is broad
Naledi meaning star
Kenya the country. Got this one from a Movie and I thought not bad

I must say I enjoyed hearing from other posters and their native names. I just love 'em,

I still look forward to baby Zion, and I will shorten it to Zee,

KMTee:
Marriage is a life-time business, once u re into it, u must endure all the challenges that arise.
That is why, u must marry d one u love, d person u like talking to all the time.
once i'm into it, aint coming out of it because it turns you to 2nd hand, most especially for ladies/women 8[color=#990000][/color])

WHAT?? No people,

tEsLim:
Bro I have pre notions about bank marketers. I can't marry female marketers !!!!. They sell the real thing along with whatever they're meant to be selling . Art of persuasion ++.

Well marriage na tough thing. I'm in a strong thing too just like you. You have to think very well yourself and dont let anybody tell you this is the way out. Its only you that know which way. Cos she could mean everything to you regardless if she's cheating. I know men that dont care if their wives are cheating they got mad love for their wives that they can't even notice poo.

If you cant tolerate a cheating woman let her go now before kids come in play. My poo is tough now because I got kids else. bleeping hell I dont believe in marriage. I swear down immediately my kids get to university and leave the house their mom is in trouble , I'll get me a private home somewhere or just keep traveling on vacations and spend 11months away yearly.

Women cheat; men cheat. Get your game together. Marriage doesn't change nothing but her surname. And you'll have to keep thinking about poo like this till you run mad and your level of paranoia gets crazy. imagine someone already advicing you on installing cameras can you see you will become a mad man real soon.l And I can tell you probably still be a young man right now. lol. Live life and enjoy yourself. Who's gonna cheat is gonna cheat. If you love her and can cope with her poo you can stay in the marriage , but just keep your guards up to minimize how she does her game. Real talk. One day you will find yourself derail and bleep other women, and later still come back to your loving wife , cos she's the one you chose to setup a family with. The other ones you just wanna get good bleep from. Its purpose. Setup family !!! remember?

Some people talking poo her have never been in a steady relationship not to talk of marriage. Focus on your life , money, success, good sex and other adventures.

Dont become a stalker, little things can change your life. If you love her you will learn to tweak her a little and cope with her. Else just let her go straight up. Kids are toughest part of this poo. When they come bleeping hell even if she sleeps with 1million men out there and you love your kids you wont be able to do jack. Its tough job being a single dad , I've seen both sides.

In NIgeria of today this babes dont love us, they like our money, cars, security we provide, free house, and saving them the shame of their family casting them out. She only knows the reason she's married to you. And probably she's been cheating while you guys are dating and couldn't just tell you to your face that you are such a looser in bed. And she had to fix up the satisfaction from outside. She could have done it outta pitty for you lol. Many poo. By the way check yourself , you really giving it to her or you just do 1minute man , ? For real many men think they got game remember women take bleeping long to come? Mine takes 15 mins to get started and atleast another 40 mins of continuous pounding before she could get there. I hate the job; because now I have to do it like everyday . But I just do it like Nike. She's always thankful though. , At one time in my life I lost total interest in sex because it will get boring too after some years with same woman. Then maybe little break will help here and there.

Damn I wrote lotta poo. I ain't high , just bored today.

OOOO! THAT WAS FUNNY! HAAAHHHAAA. It may hav enot been your intetion to make others laugh so hard but this is too crazy I just had to laugh.

Poster good luck and may the good Lord be the one that guides you best in this. I certainly look forward to a positive update when you come back to tell us how it went,

Outstrip:
This one pass lecture o. If she has never been mean to her child this is the time to be[b][/b]. That N100.00 she has been getting should be taking away indefinitely. She needs to get a punishment that when she ever thinks about it she will shiver. I don't think it is psychological. I just think she is an over pampered brat that thought she could just get away with it. The way her mother handles this will definitely make a difference. she does not want in anyway for this girl to think that there is anything good about stealing

@Outstrip, the red highlighted statement suggests that we should then use undisciplined discipline to discipline a child or steer them in the right direction. Think again. You are right "How the mother handles this will definitely make the difference" but is terrorism the answer to this, why terrorise the child?

@Outstrip, again what kind of purnishment do you think is appropriate enough to give a girl 13yrs the shivers? I wouldnt want to misunderstand you on this one,