₦airaland Forum

I wasn't able to access Nairaland from a MTN phone I configured today, yet I was able to access the MTN site. The other polyphonic ringtone site that we've been directing people to (wap.handphones.info) doesn't work either.

Psssst Naija man, there is one man I want you to arrest for me. How much do you charge?

I wish I'd discovered this tutorial earlier. I've stumbled accross a new system for creating what looks like a sketch. Check out hot-angel's pic attached to this post. I think this one is better.

The jobs section is appropriate for the NGO thread.

I'm aware of the duplicate topic issues, but I don't have much time for moderation these days.

If tonisafe wants to be a moderator, I can arrange that.

I prefer the cell phone to the bible because it's useful. One can make calls with it.

Think of your question this way: Is modeling worth your time?

Common sense dictates that you should block your email address from being displayed and remove your Yahoo messenger contact details from your profile if you don't want people to contact you. Simple common sense.

If you don't really enjoy the idea of modeling, don't bother yourself. That you're beautiful doesn't mean you have to peddle your beauty in front of the whole world. Modeling isn't a very reliable occupation.

Maybe it's something for just your family to appreciate. Or something you can do part-time, just for fun.

I'm going to try getting some cheap ones through abebooks.com soon.

dafman, did you succeed in getting any from milehighcomics?

Is "comic view on black entertainment" a TV show?

Most of them probably want you for sex anyway.

Those that want you for more than just sex will be willing to wait.

It's rare to find a woman who is focused like that.

The most important thing is for you to know what you want in a man in due course.

I expect it to be bettter than When You Are Mine, but if you're already a fan of DIego and Paloma you won't be impressed with this one no matter how good it is! When You Are Mine has first mover advantage.

Yes, they basically ripped off the Guiness advert, which seems silly to me. If you can't come up with your own unique advert, how can I believe that the product you're trying to sell me is unique in any way?

ok455:
Is it still on the air?

Yes.

She's too young for a relationship. She needs to face her studies and get matured. She needs to grow up and experience life so she can understand whatshe wants in a man. You should forget about her if your aim is not just sex.

I don't want my wife to be submissive, because I should not be dominant.

I don't want my wife to be meek because I should not be haughty.

But I want my wife to be respectful to me just as I am respectful to her.

"Humble and submissive" women are disgusting. I want a woman that's really alive!

Wow, guys, you've solved my problem. Thanks. So with 900 naira I'll be able to print 2000 text pages!

Throat cutting is not sudden death. Large animals like pigs and cows and goats take several minutes to kill, and they usually have to be beaten hard. It's a painful, slow death. Imagine a human being dying like that!

Hello to you too!

don't be cruel to them shaa because in the papers there's always stories like someone tumble drying their cats and sh** like that.

I thought death is the worst thing that could happen to a living thing?

If I can kill an animal for food, cutting its throat with a knife while it's alive, why can't I tumble-dry it?

As the UN Secretary-general, Kofi Annan is supposed to be impartial.

Thanks. I was hoping for more analysis of the idea, though.

Shawna, you aren't listening to what we are saying.

Cures for malaria exist and we are using them.

Do you think you know more about malaria than we do, because you're in America?

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?

A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use
in
a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to
war with them?

A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend
themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they
had all those big weapons to fight us back with?

A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
weapons our government said they did.

A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q: And what was that?

A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
Hussein was cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade
another country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
country?

A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops
to make U.S. corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate
gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?

A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People

who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China
is
Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are
sent to prison and tortured.


Q: Like in Iraq?


A: Exactly.

Q: And like in China, too?

A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other
hand, is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business wiA:
Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws
that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba

until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like
us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
capitalists?

A: Don't be a smart-ass.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.

A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
legitimate leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?

A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country

by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United
States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is
our friend.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly

overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate
leader?

A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped us invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men? Fifteen of them Saudi
Arabians? hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
rule of the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
people's
heads and hands?

A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
people's
heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars
back
in May of 2001?

A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?

A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing
opium poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?

A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
would have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off

for other reasons?

A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off
people's hands for stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy
that
oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in
public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q: What's the difference?

A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her
eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
patriarchal
oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are
our friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were
from Saudi Arabia.

A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?

A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very
bad man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion
of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan
talked about?

A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call

them Russians now.

Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after

they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French

and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we
want them to do?

A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our

friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?

A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked
the
other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes
our friend?

A: Most of the time, yes.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?

A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
better.

Q: Why?

A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is
a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked
Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
what to do.

Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your
eyes,make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Q: Good night, Daddy.

Your Nija man is not too bad, but there's room for improvement.