₦airaland Forum

gentlegg: This is the kind of kidnapping am not bothered about. Infact this kidnappers should upgrade to kidnapping Minister/Senatives etc

Really? A policeman died in the process, the reason only one person died is maybe because it happened on his way out of Warri as reported, the last time an attempt was made within town four innocent people were killed and several injured.

The only thing that makes the Kit better is the mildness on Sensitive scalp, it is actually hash on the hair, Calcium hydroxide has the tendency to dry out hair and leave chemical deposits on the hair. You may have to use Shampoos with EDTA- chelating agents to get rid of these deposits and you will need to properly condition your hair.

Like I have mentioned at a time before now, if it is going to be 50/50 and I have to also toil to contribute to the family, I should not only keep my name, the children too should have the two names, mine & his, that would be the only fair thing to do.

Workers of PHCN are the ones encouraginga and carrying out this act.
I have a feeling they want to sabotage Government's effort becasue they know the party is almost over

@Kay9

Thank you for giving me a good 50/50 case.
An ideal scenerio you would say! I agree that what you have said is what would be fair to be called 50/50.
Not some exploitation we tend to see around these days in the name of 50/50.I agree that some want the man's name but beleive me there are many who would want to combine both even for the Children( if I am toiling each day to pay some school fees,clothing& feeding,especiaaly in this country where it can run into millions for each child per year, then let the child be identified with me,let an ex school mate be able to meet my child and say 'is your mother so so so, I know her!) but the society has made it in such a way that outright condemnation comes your way if you try mention it and you may remain in your father's house just for that, so to survive you settle for less, my people say half a loaf of bread is better than puf puf (I do not know how far that is true sha)

Your dad must be one of those rare useful ones who is able to handle things, not one of those who would be on the immediate search for another woman to come take care of the home and children if the wife should die, or those who everyone knows the wife must not die before him in their old age because it becomes clear to everyone that he will not survive the year.
We have heard of many widows who tied their aprons and trained thier children at the demise of thier husbands.

@Kay9

Thank you so much for aknowledging my point, please let us continue on this line of a'reasonable' discussion.
What would be a good 50/50 contribution scenario in a situation where the woman is not a housewife i.e she is equally working?

Someone said a housewife who does not contribute financially to the house should also not eat if a man cannot eat without dropping money

My question is, is the housewife not contributing anything to the house? especially in a home with children, if the woman's contribution is monitised, what percentage of the man's income would it be?, if the man should get rid of the woman, would he not bring a substancial amount from his income to run the home the way the woman is running the home without being sure of matching the quality of service?

A woman takes up your name, gives birth to children that cannot even bear her own name and you expect her to feed them for you? Na wa o!

The problem is that most men (in Nigeria, I do not know about any other place) are useless without the income, that is why the women cannot cope for even a month without the income because that is about his only contribution to the house, when they bring the money they act as lords and refuse to assist in other areas, when they are not able to bring the money, you expect the woman to still remain the sweet humble servant? that will be expecting too much from another human being.


Please if we want to dicuss 50/50, let's start from the begining, the children will have both of our names, I will be allowed to keep my father's name as part of my name ( at least na him invest in my life send me go the school wey dey make me contribute money for your house) and since you cannot biologically carry the pregnancies, and nurse the children you have to look for where to make it up, remember 50/50!

If you do not agree to this, you had better get off and go look for money!

@ Post,

I hope we all can still remember what this post is all about.
I have read the things said about bringing up the girl child and I sincerely hope that things will
be different at the time of our children, maybe the boys too would have been taught how not to be threatened by
a confident and intelligent lady as we have now in Nigeria (you guys in the diaspora may have it different)

Naturally many people feel comfortable with people that they know cannot see their faults or weakness, we seem to
be happier where we are local champions and that is still the issue with our men.

I agree with the poster that mentioned that much focus should be given to training the boys too, a confident and intelligent lady can only respect and submitt to an equally or more intelligent man and if these men are few, what will the lady do in a society where being married is everything for a girl? ..go ahead and marry the available.......then all these stories that we hear on NL.

Onegai: In that case, you must be definitely marrying an ashawo from VI. Praises be! You're not? Mschewww.

God doesn't punish you or doesn't make a good person marry a bad person. God told Jeremiah to marry a harlot because it was His plan, He didn't tell the other guys who have married harlots to do so. He does things according to His will, not because He's trying to "mix good and bad".
You can marry a good girl, very easy, especially if you're a player. You can't make a good girl happy in marriage (personal testimony here). If you like marry the Virgin Mary, but don't be as good as Joseph, yet expect the same outcome. You can scheme and manipulate to marry a rich guy, but there's no guarantee that you're what will satisfy him.
The test of a relationship isn't making it to the altar, it's what you do for the next 30 yrs after the altar.

The society keeps the good girl for you in Nigeria, the guys know that, that is why they strife to get her into the marriage, they know she aint going no where, she will have to take whatever comes her way, she will not be able to face the name calling and hostility in the society that will surely come her way. They will be the one to be reminding her of what is written in that bible she loves so much!

xxxx

If you try to correct him and it is becoming a problem, please it is not worth the wahala, just make sure the two of you do not attend all those dinners/functions at your office. The shame may be too much for you to bear and if you do not handle it well may affect your marriage.

Let him be, but control how much impact it can have on your life.

poweredcom: Her mate don born 3 for husband house well happy butt day akarika nwanyi

This is the kind of thing they say, to make ladies want to marry them in any form they come, it is a stategy because they know if ladies really decide to wait and make a good choice,many of them will be wifeless!

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aydj: Hello guys, can someone pls help? I have Bachelor's and Masters degrees in Petroleum Engineering. I came back into the country from the U.S after my Masters program abt 3 months ago. Am yet to find a job. I have a year work experience in drilling engineering and a year in the downstream. I can work in Reservoir engineering and Production engineering roles as well. If you have any lead, pls contact me at aydj32@yahoo.com or call 08084752413. Thanks.

@aydj

Check out the guys buying/bought from Shell,a couple of guys just moved to Seplat,google for thier office website/address and drop a CV or attempt to speak with HR.

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Abali1: In Nigeria, we take myths as facts. When I was growing up I heard all sorts of rubbish. One was that I will never make my 21st birthday, or if I make it I will get to 25.
But to God be the glory, I'm in my early 30s inching to mid 30s. Moreover my mum's friend is also a sickler and she is well into her 60s, and I also have a lecturer friend in the Uni with 3 kids who is over 50.

Even within the general SS category, there is much variance, that is why you may know an SS that looks and is indeed healthy. I have lost two friends to SCD, (I am SC) and these were not poor people, one was in his late twenties then and was the son of the Chairman of a top paint manufacturing company in Nigeria, the other just recently, was a Petroleum Engineer, these were not poor people who could not take care of themselves.

Why am I taking out time to say this? when SC carriers want to marry themselves, the above quoted statement is the excuse they give, they tell you how they know people who are SS and are healthy, you never can tell what variance of the SCD your kids may come up with so please stay away from producing children with SCD, it could be a life of stress and sorrow!

papa giddy: he is a real man. taking care of the house is a mutual thing.even i started bathing my daughter when she was 6months.i put on her pampers,powdered her,changer her cloths and even washed her soiled panties. while her mum takes care of other chores.no big deal.fatherhood is HARDWORK!

May your labour of love never be in vain, you will see your childrens' children and in your old age, you will be surrounded with a thousand fold of the love you are investing in their lives now .

Ecalos: Well until you mentioned the grammatical usage, that was never in my thoughts when I was typing that. Him washing the dishes and me paying some bills is both our responsibility. When I was growing up in Nigeria, both my brothers and I had to learn to cook and had to learn to do the dishes and cleaning up the house. We all learnt all we needed to learn. Not only did I learn to cook and wash dishes, I also learnt to change flat tires, check my engine oil, wash the car and do some random "handyman" chores around the house. The whole reasoning behind this was my parents kept saying "you will never know where you will find yourself in the future so its better to be as well rounded as you can". And truth be told I found myself in a foreign land living independently and having to do all this by myself so it all paid off in the end.

@Ecalos
Thank you for answering, you did not have to so it is appreciated. I am happy for your parents that their labour was not in vain in that you were able to get a patner that probaly has the same upbringing or could reason with your own upbringing despite his, many other men would see washing dishes and other household chores as merely 'helping' you which happens whenever they are in the mood for it, but will be ever ready to point you to the bills that should be paid since you can afford to pay them, so the relationship ends up not being 50/50, remember that the woman will still have to carry each of her babies for nine months and nurse them while still working.

blackboi: Let me say this: There's nothin romantic in having an affair with someone you're not married to. U only fooling urself.
Those who perpetrate such act end up an unhappy/unsuccessful in life

Na wa o for this generation, I have been reading through the thread, and I have been realy bothered, that a parent will give birth to a female child, nurse and nurture her, feed, clothe and go through the mental,emotional, physical and financial drain of bringing a child up in this time of ours only for one boy/man who has not asked for her hand in marrigae to be sleeping with her at weekends and think he has the right to.

The fact that she also is putting herself in that situation and calling it 'love' shows how much the reasoning capacity/pattern of our youth has been tampered with.

God help parents!

To people who say rich people marriages do not last and that a rich guy may end up being a wife beater.

I am just wondering, do marriages last longer (or are happier) in Ajegunle than in Ikoyi or do Ikoyi men beat their wifes more than those in Ajegunle?

I guess we need this statistics/info before we can make such declarations

Poster,

I am the first child in my family, where the parents died along the way and I went through many of such bitter times. You will just wonder why they are the most important thing to you and they seem to consider 1001 other things before they give you consideration, you sacfrice much only to hear that becasue of one friend or one commitment somewhere, they cannot attend to your occassional requests.

I found out that our sense of responsibility is different from person to person, but never to worry there is still hope, give her time to grow up, I almost cried the day my Sister now married with kids had a deep thought one day, called my name and said 'Ah you tried!.

I am still waiting for my brother to say the same!

[quote author=Confilass]Earnestly, am touch by ur story. Pls don't send d boy to the father or anyway. U've been doing it for 15yrs, u don't need to complain now dat u're about to reap what u sow. Continue without complain and God will bless u and even d boy won't forget u in life.
quote]



Whatever you are doing, just do it for the Child and God, do not expect much back because you may not get it, in the future if the situation arises that the guy would need to do something either for you or his father, people will ask you if you expect him to leave his father for you!that's Africa for you, it is a nice thing that the child is a boy,if it were a girl, you cannot even colleck sisi out of her bride price, they will tell you guys to go and look for the Father and beg him to come and take the money sef!

Ecalos: the koko of the dodo is a man should not try to buy respect through his role as the main contributor of financial resources in the household...he should earn respect not just from his wife but also from society by being a man of integrity spcially mentally spititually intellectually and in all other areas...that way people will see him and truly call him blessed

Another good one from Ecalos. You used the word 'should' but is that what happens? those who are lacking in these virtues that you have listed desire respect too, so they try to get it by other means i.e Financial manipulation/intimidation, they are the ones who complain that their wives left them shortly after they lost their jobs, the poor woman was probaly hanging around for her kids to get trained, like many of our mothers did that time.


@Ecalos,
I observed that you used the word 'help' to describe your husband washing of the plates in an earlier post,i.e 'he helpes me to.....' but did not use the same word when you mentioned the bills you pay, i.e 'I pay......', you did not say 'I help him pay......',is it that you beleive that house work is mainly your thing and if he does it he is helping you, but financial responsibility is both yours and his?


Why I ask is that, this is the general beleive in Nigeria, people are quick to let you know that if your husband does anything in the house, he is just helping you, you see working mothers with husbands with no
jobs looking for house helps/keeper to manage the home, because you are not expected to'turn your husband into a househelp because he does not have a job/money!'

@Timmy

You are the guy! and a real man indeed! I am not your wife but I am respecting you here already.
I support that she brings her pay cheque to you always!

I bet you do not live in Nigeria as someone has ealier suspected

Ecalos: I sense a lot of Ego wars going on amongst some men..

Let me break this down with my own opinion.

First and foremost, Money DOES NOT equal to respect. It never did and it never will. Material Wealth will never ever bring any one respect. It might bring an illusion of some flattery but that can never be described as respect. What is respect? It is a positive feeling of esteem and it could also mean to genuinely honor another and to treat the other the way you will love to be treated.

I think the kind of "respect" the poster is referring to is more of subordination and it seems like he is implying the man providing for his family will make his wife "fear" him the way we all feared our parents when we were kids because of what they could do to us if we messed up. That may be ok in parent-child relationship but the relationship between a man and a wife is totally different. Its supposed to be like the relationship between best friends where everyone recognizes their strength and try to fill in the gap where the other is weak.

My husband earned his respect from me way before we got married so if a man is just trying to start the process of gaining respect while he is already married, the in my opinion something is wrong somewhere.
With that said, here is what we do in our home. How did he earn his respect? He is a man of his word, he treats other people and not just me with dignity, he is humble, he is gentle and very forgiving. He does not insist on his own way and above all he seeks God first before making any decision no matter how trivial.

So at this point no matter how little or how great he makes monetarily, he has my respect as he continually shows himself as a man of integrity which for me will never ever be earned with money...

Thank you for this Ecalos, this is simply how a man gains respect,not by throwing a certain portion of the Bible at your face at any given opportunity, those who are quick to quote this verses are those who do not have anything to offer.

Where I agree with the OP is that,in any relationship, be it marriage or not, respect comes from the value each partner impacts on the other, be it financial or in other forms as with Ecalos's husband above.

How many of us remember friends who have or have had nothing to offer us, simply because we call them friends? we would have callled and given attention 1000 times to those who do before we remember the ones who dont, that's just human.

timmy: I'm married and i share certain responsibility with my spouse. 3yrs gone past and im still looking for the first disrespect. But then, by sharing bills i dont mean equal. I just designated certain responsibilities to her.
Like she pays for the nanny and for the woman who sweeps the compound. She buys toiletries and water for the dispenser. Sometimes she buys the gas, but only if it finishes while she's cooking and im not at home. I'm of the opinion, if a woman chooses to work, then she must make inputs as well. Working is the God given manly role, Home keep is for women. The moment a woman chooses to work, then her proceeds should also come to the house, after all whats or who is she working for. If i earn 300k monthly and my wife 120k, by default, a total of 420k is the monthly income of the family. and should be used for the growth of the family, yes keeping aside the other stuvs she needs to buy like makeups, cloths, aso-ebi's etc.
It just my opinion and it works well for my home.

|@timmy

Please, which of her home keep roles do you share, since she must share your God given manly role because she is working, or she simply adds some of your own roles to hers? does that sound fair?

I do not know much about the Poster but I do not believe the intention of this post is to mock the 'poor' think it exposes our hypocrisy and deceitful nature as human beings.

I am not poor by God's grace but my phone is nothing to write home about and I am very comfortable with it, I do not go about preaching how wasteful it is to buy expensive phones even if I think it is.

I sincerely believe that materialism is destructive and that' vanity, all is indeed vanity' I try to get value for money spent but I do not go screaming it with bitterness at every rich/richer man I see.

All these people saying it is a waste to send a child to Corona and that it is healthier to walk than to take a ride in a car are usually the ones that will not allow you to rest at PTA and
at Landlord's meeting with their 'show show' attitude once the cash start coming in!



My point? All still believing God for upliftment, please fill your hearts with positive things,encourage yourself with the word of God forget whatever anybody thinks,try not to envy, it is reflected in the things you say and you may end up just making a mockery of yourself

@Sky Rider

Thanks!!!

mcbertin: Hi guys,pregnancy does not disqualify anyone for a US visa, just got one & I plainly told the truth abt my intentions to have a baby in the states. I'm 7mths gone already, I also presented my receipt of hosp payment. However I'll be glad if I can get suggestions of affordable hosps in Chicago or newyork as I don't ve any relative in my present hospital location. Thanks

Try St John's episcopal Hospital at Queens, New York. http://www.ehs.org/stjohnshospital/index.html
Use the 'Find a Physician' button to get a Nigerian OBGYN, they have a couple of them.The Doctor can negotiate with the hospital on your behalf, a friend got a CS done for a total of about 7K.

By the way, why did you pay the hospital when you did not have a place to stay in that location, or I did not get you right?

doxat: when applying for a US visa, you are made to carry out a series of test, one of which is a pregnancy test and you will not be issued a visa primary for the purpose of child birth. A close family friend came to give birth 2 months ago, at point of birth registration she was asked for medical receipts, she was told to have it handy when leaving. she was told in very clear terms that she would be required to produce them at point of exit.

I have never been asked to do a medical test, and I have not heard about anyone being asked to do a test before getting a US visit visa. I know you may be asked to do a test to get a Canadian visa because a friend of mine went through that at a time. A colleague just got back from Houston with her new born and she was not asked to present any medical receipts at the point of exit!

You mean men also have time for this, 'my neighbour does not greet me, my neighbour did not tell me' thing?

[b][/b]

rabzy: Yeah everyone has woes, the rich also cry...but i prefer the rich man's cry to the poor man's wailing.

Preety girls must face some hard times, but even compare it to what some girls on the other end have to face. Do you know the number of preety girls that got a job just because they look better than the other lady...

Am sure you are happy that you are pretty and not the other way round but thanks for telling us what you 'faced'

Most girls who get jobs because they are pretty are those ready to play ball, for those not ready to do that, they may remain jobless for long.

Randy men would constantly make passes at you, those who are responsible are mostly highly religious so they want to prove to themselves and the whole world that they are not moved by what you look like so you are left with nothing if you are not at least above average in intelligence/brain.

Any 3/4 bedroom apartment for rent on Transamadi axis & Rumuibekwe (on the tarred road)?

..still no show?