You can go anywhere you want with your child at anytime after childbirth as long as you are both medically fit.

Nekai:

I think it is ironic that the boy, who will become the head of a household someday, is sometimes allowed to be more irresponsible.

Because it is beleived  that the wife should tolerate all his shortcomings, it is the female child that should develop good characters in order not to be a failure in marriage.

Have you ever heard where a mother / father shouts on the son that a particular character he has will prevent him from getting a wife to marry or that it will make his wife to leave him (as the female child hears all the time)?

Another case of Bobby Brown and Witney Houston? I wish her the best if this is true, she'll need all the goodluck she can gather

The MIL really lacks self control and at her age, that is very sad.

XX01:

Lol at d responses. Dont mind me, i av 2 get used 2 d attention shifting from me 2 her. I am not above laughing at myself. I felt like a total after speakin 2 MIL. Wish i could wind back time.

Anyways, that was just to let off steam cos i cant bring such a silly topic 2 my husband 4 discussion. He would laugh me 2 scorn. I really need 2 find another job. Lol.

I totally agree!

chaircover:

My dear I think that I can see the problem. You went into marriage with the wrong expectations. You also seem to place a very high emphasis on background. I can tell you from experience today that background has little relevance on what people can achieve in a flash.

There is a lot of new money around these days; certainly in the UK, IT made a lot of people millionaires overnight. One day they were security guards and the next minute they were CISCO & MCSC gurus earning top wages even if they all lied on their CV’s LOL

As Yoruba’s say inu ikoko dudu ni eko funfun ti jade. Sorry I don’t know the meaning of eko in English so can’t translate the saying.

@Chaircover

I am also of the opinion that much emphasis should be placed on the background, I see it becoming an issue in many mariages. The background is not just having money, that is why being a millionaire overnight does not take your background away from you.

People of similar background seem to value the same things and have similar expectations in life which could make them more compatible than those that have very different backgrounds.

She could have also married a garrage tout and be receiving the same treatment the Minister's son could give her, so it is not the money really it's the 'background'

spyder880:

Women, if your husband is the type that apreciates your input into family decisions, then by all means suggest and help out in decision making in the various aspects of marriage. But if he is the despot, please dont drag the control with him, sit back and allow him delude himself that he is in full control, one day he may creep back and seek for your opinion after a silly mistake from him. Mind the domestic stuff and master that section completely, but remind him of business/general points periodically, without sounding controlling. My own wife will not say a word in the general family meeting including my peeps, she agrees with every point. (I know she is strategizing and avoiding being blamed, when asked to suggest, she repeats my stand on all issues)
Men are so proud, allow us to wallow in our ignorance and self belief.

@Spider880

lol.You made me laugh with this.
But what do you do when you see all what you have worked for about to go down the drains because of his 'ignorance and self belief?

Blazay:

Tufiakwa!

We don't have such women in my family lineage, who sit on their fat arzzzzzes stretching their hands for 'chop-money' every month!


My momma was not a liability wife and my sister ain't!

None of my aunts(paternal or maternal) are liability wives!

None of my brothers is married to 'liability' wives!

These are the kinds of women who end up being 'discarded wives' or have 2nd and third wives as co-wives in that one bedroom of a husband's hut.
Not my portion in the name of my God!
Too used to being a 'bread and butter winner'!
I will gladly pay the man to be the 'liability' husband.


Besides, I don't like to have my man stressed with working 25 jobs to keep that 'bread-winning' title of his intact. I am not ready to be a widow of a stroked out dude!

50-50% in the professional and domestic spheres=50/50 love!

I come from a similar family too and I have found out over the years that in this situation, it is never  50/50

as you said it, the finacial contribution can be 50/50, but domestic is never 50/50 in most cases.

You will slave away to bring the money home to be spent but you will carry the pregancies and do the sleepless nights yourself, not to talk of many other things that the man will not do, at least not in this sector of the globe that I live in.

I can just imagin my mother inlaw arrive for a visit and I remind my husband that it is his turn to go to the market and cook dinner, after all I just paid the Children's school fees as agreed!

The fact that they are unable to deliver the exact fare quoted on their website gives a bad feeling.
or are u given the option of buying the ticket online immediately at the specified fare?

Interesting,

abiop:

@Ejademen
Dont yab me why I go that when I no be women, make una no think i dey weak, but I read through your story again and again and a tear of joy rolled out of my eyes. It has always been my prayer that as much as we desire children, may GOD not send them to claim our lives. Which one should I be more joyous about? Is it the bay or the LORD that saved your life. You wrote, 'you must scared your husband' una no know anything even me wey dey read dey scared while reading . Above all, we give GOD the glory for another positive testimony on this forum, It shall be the turn of other ttcs sooner or later.

Congrats and take care of yourself the boy

Abi? It is a great thing the Lord has done

Congratulations Ejademen!

Greensprings is about 800K for a year.

Consider DDPA former bendel estate, there are still a few undeveloped plots bing sold by the owners from time to time

There is also the NPA land on old Airport road that were sold to individuals a few years back, it ia good location and there may be some people selling

damola1:

Good morning. Will like to submit interview request for visa application this morning. I filled the forms yesterday, and will make the payment today, i attached to the introduction letter, proof of existing trade relations with the inviting company in the format: invoice - payment - air way bill, just 3 samples, spanning over 3 years, a copy of business ticket won courtesy, BA, Nonimmigrant Visa Application confirmation, and a 2 page introductory letter stating on my company letterhead, stating my intentions, as to why I want to visit the U.S., does anyone here with experience as to this application have anything to add before I have it take to US CONSULAR in walter carrington, ?

I am not sure about the highlighted part. I never had to send anything to the embassy for my B1/B2 visas. It was only presented at request during the interview.Well maybe the procedure has changed sha, you know how these people change things every now and then?

@ijaw girl

Thanks for sharing, it's indeed a beautiful place.
it's the news of violence coming from the South-South that scares people really.

dayokanu:

Why cant these women use all their supportive skills to support themselves and make money for themselves

We are the same people who will condemn and be ready to crusify the woman for neglecting her 'roles' as a woman.

It is a pity that we sometimes find it difficult to be objective because of our position on some matters, let me give an example of what happens at my place of work, I live in Nigeria anyway so for people who work and live in other parts of the world it may be different, I do not know.

Anytime I need to go on a course out of the country or even out of town, I develop a headache and it is the same with other female colleagues of mine, I will need to ask for the course schedule for the whole year and see what run of the course would have minimal impact on my family if I attend, will need to check the school schedule, check hospital appointments, check the whether (if it will be during the raining season when there will be many mosquitoes thereby needing extra anti malari care or during Harmattan when cough & Catarrh will be the issue) and if it falls within the period that I am having house maid challenges, then wahala dey

When I eventually get my acts together to go for the course, I make use of every tea break to call home and I am asking 1001 questions on the phone at the ame time

It is not the same with my husband or my male colleagues, you can tell them there is a training in Kafancha  tomorrow and they carry their bag (probaly packed by the woman)and are set to go why?

There is a woman at home (even if she is working) to bother about all that! and someone thinks the woman has not contributed to the man's success?


There was a time my house help left all of a sudden and there was no one to stay with my son after school, I had to make do with just anybody I could find because it was a peak period of activities in the office, I could not put in my best because I was not settled, but the moment a trusted  family finished her exams at school and took over in the house the difference was clear, I had so much peace of mind that I could stay in the office late and deliver quality work, I compensated the girl well because I knew she contributed to my achievements at work that year.

Even if the man is super rich and can afford to hire the best of nannies and house maids, the peace that comes with knowing that the mother of those children is in charge cannot be bought, except  the  man it is type who believes that children will always survive anyhow.

There is a 3bedroom Semi detached bungalow off Lagos-Ibadan Express Rd, the other side of Ashi for N200,000 per anum.

dancewith:

Sorry I was late to respond. Sinai Hospital in Baltimore to be precise. Contact details:

Sinai Hospital
2401 West Belvedere Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21215-5271

@Dancewith

Thanks. Please, do you know if the $7,999 was for the hospital delivery alone or for both the Doctor (Antinatal care) and delivery?

dancewith:

I think some Texas hospital has got something like a non immigrant package which is a flat $8,500. If you pay this, it becomes something like a health insurance for the birth. I have heard something like that from a family that went to Texas. But I have seen a close friend who claimed she had a normal delivery in Houston for less than $,5000
I think having the right information is key. Providence in DC used to go for $7k but is now about $13k. In truth it is best to have about $15k or $20k just in case. The good bit is most of these hospital allow six to one year monthly payments but you need a bank account to do that. Also talk to some insurance companies back home. Someone claimed you can now get a health insurance that covers these kind of things offshore. It may be worth checking out

Good luck

I know two colleagues who have also had normal delivery in Houston at about this cost.

''JUO, I don't care if she has a local government area of kids for me, if she sleeps with any other man she's gone.

As for the poor hygiene, I'll gladly avoid her like a plague. Sue me.

U marry wife U no go enjoy am? ''



Wow! like buying a car? Thank God a bride price is only a symbolic token where I come from, so no man will
see me as an acquired property that has to be thouroughly enjoyed!

NYC may not be that expensive depending on the Hospital. There are a few Non profit making Chritian hospitals e.g
St John's Episcopal, you could walk in and ask to discuss with the Finance Manager, ask for a discount since you will be paying cash, you can then pay 50% of the agreed cost upfront and the remaining just before leaving the Hospital.


@Dancewith,

Please do you have the name of the MD hospital?

@Poster

Thanks, just came back from an outreach organised by women in my place of work, we adopted the theme 'Educating the girl child' and visited two Schools in our locality to inspire young girls.

You will be shocked at the various challenges these girls are facing. It was an eye opener for many of us.

dowjones:

i am with @ Harakiri on this one. I beleive we both share some characteristics that the "average" man will definitely mis-understand. when i was alot younger i asked myself this question, i asked my DAD this question "what do these girls actually DO for me ?", the same way i ask my self what some of my male friends do for me !, please let no-one badger harakiri because i KNOW where he is coming from and the type of persona he has to speak like this. I KNOW. most of the harakiri's badgerers have answered the thread's question by calling harakiri GAY ! yes, the only thing most women contribute to a relationship is SEX ! (i highlighted relationship so you dont mix it up with marriage), apart from that what else? PLEASE ask yourself this. very few women can actually satisfy a man in other areas (i mean COMPANIONSHIP),  very few! why is it that most men who really love thier ladies still prefer hanging out with the boys more ! how many women can make you laugh the way your boys make you laugh, how many women can have your back when you need support (i dont mean nollywood situations). what is that thing your lady gives (apart from sex) someone else (man and woman) cant give you? we men actually pay for the sex indirectly (indirect TAX) so whats the big deal ?
An alpha breed of wonder women exist who are humorous , sincere and loyal and i beleive Harakiri knows this. anytime i meet women like this they give me hope that all is not lost. cos there was a time i planned to "tuface" my life and keep the marriage thing aside to avoid the lady drama but i realized that its not that bad. we just have to shine our eyes thats all  

@dowjones

Ironically, many women are asking themselves the same questions these days about men, if not for societal and religious expectations, many women would choose to simply visit the sperm bank!

pro01:

What was she doing in his hotel room? Should any decent lady be found in a hotel room with a man that is not HER man, under any circumstances? Was she forcibly dragged into the hotel room? Do such 'meetings' for contract awards take place in hotel rooms? Is it possible that she freely went to the hotel room to have CONSENSUAL sex with him in exchange for the so-called contract award? Might it not be the case that she is now crying foul perhaps because the contract failed to materialize afterwards?

Until sensible answers are provided to the above critical questions, I will temporarily hold the opinion that the woman in question belongs to the (highly common) category of love-peddlers (single or married) who readily trade their bodies 'codedly' in exchange for all kinds of favours from men. . .and only resort to blackmail and crocodile tears when their bodies fail to fetch them the desired favours.

Good points!

^^^^^^^^
Why the man no do the Nursing himself?

Sweet T:


All that is good but the dude will be homeless if he tries taking charge. What he needs is to get a J-O-B! Nigerian women only understand the language of a good job and CASH! every other language is mambo jumbo to their hears.

@Sweet T ,

I agree with you completely.

However,they are like that because that is what they are taught to understand, the only thing the the Nigerian society expects the male child to do is to provide for his family while the woman does all other things, if the man should assist in anyway she is constantly reminded that the man is only helping her,so many Nigerian men are useless without a job .

In a marriage like any other relationship, it's give and take, when you cannot bring anything to the table, even the nicest of personalties will find it difficult to tolerate you after a while.


I remember there was once a thread where a working mother was complaining about her inability to keep a househelp and that her husabnd did not have a job, while Nigerians in the diaspora were asking her why she needed a househelp since her husband was not doing anything at the moment, Nigerians in Nigeria were asking why she should turn her husband to a househelp because he did not have a job!

dayokanu:

This explains it

Naija women would make your life horrible when you dont have a job. Why not just travel to another place and try to get any kind of job even if na hustling job. Free all those your wife and her family.

N.B: Guy you sef no get job and you still get liver to give person belle. I bow for you o

That's exactly what the inlaws were trying to tell him

aisha2:

No one says they should be in 2milllion schools, but the pretence about bringing them to help them while in actual sense you over use them and never give a hoot about thier education is what am against beyound paying 500 school fees, do you buy them books? or have a lesson teacher help them catch up or even help them with home work? A child is a child yours or not, if you want a househelp get one and negotiate terms of service instead of pretending to bring a child to help and overuse them while feeling like a hero for paying N500 a term and giving food. Whats so ever you do to the least of my brethren you do unto me.

@aisha,

Yes, I have done all that you have mentioned above to a househelp from a less priviledged home as hard as it may be hard for you to beleive ( from your previous statements). I did not put her in a public School, I put her in a private school  (although I do not pretend that my child would go to the exact same school) and I know a couple of my colleagues/friends who have done the same.

I do not intend to do it again, as you advised ,I prefer to get a paid help with clearcut TOS (terms of service).
I have found out it is a daunting task, the child already has a mindset and the parents are more interested in the Yam, oil and money they are able to get from you than the bags of books they see with thier child.

I remember what I had to go through when I wanted my ward to repeat a class, I had gone through one of her homeworks with her and realised she needed to repeat the class if she would pass WAEC, her parents just could not buy into it, after all ,exams are not so hard to pass in Nigeria.

So if anyone comes from the village, I will help by any amount of money I can afford to give them, let them go and take care of their children themselves. The sad thing is that these children need more counselling than their parents can give!

I am sorry for the long epistle but I just wanted you to hear from the 'other side', I hadly see badly treated househelps these days (in Nigeria) even the paid ones are allowed some degree of dignity. People are now challenged by the word of God they hear in their places of worship especially the middleclass.

obowunmi:

My advice: see your self as a single mother. Take care of urself and your kids. Your welfare and your children r your priority --- this is a lesson to women, stop looking for men as an ATM. Marry a man for qualities and values not money. Marriage changes people.

Her situation is worse than that of a single mother's, a single mother has only what you have mentioned above to worry about, she will always have her husband to contend with, his ego and his desires, if they are in Nigeria it is even worse because the man will be get people's sympathy by telling them the wife has stopped caring for him because he lost his job.! That's why some women wish they were widows, at least they can get help and sympathy from people around them.

aniffy4eva:

Its funny how time flies,
I almost skipped this post, but you guys are so hilarious,

My first visa interview was at the BHC on 18 March 2003, i was an undergraduate then, and meen, suffer wan kill me dat time, (late father, mom was a tailor, poor background etc), truth be told, omo, i wanted to "run away"

The oyibo just looked at my face and said, "sorry, i wont be granting you a visa", i didn't even hear anything she said afterwards, my life came crashing around me (or so i thought)

Fast forward to 2011, i have been around the world (US, Europe, Asia etc). i even sponsor my siblings and mother abroad,

I guess what i'm just trying to say is this: Even if you are refused a visa today, don't worry, God has BIGGER and BETTER plans ahead for you!!!
Deuces,

I loooove this.Thanks for sharing, wish many young people could see this, better to spend your time on acquiring the skills that will take you all over the world than to waste your time hanging around embassies.


I beg hail your mama for me, tell her to continue to enjoy the fruit of her labour ojare!

@missojugo,

Please do not forget to share your experience at the port of entry with us when you are through, it will be usefull to some of us.