₦airaland Forum

[quote author=C'est moi]I was just playing and imagining it in my head while i was reading it.Nice one![/quote]Tnx very much dear. I appreciate.

atlbj: Fantastic write up! Keep at it Sholay2011, i see a bright future for Nollywood with you as the most sought after script writer.

Lol. Thanks ooo. I appreciate . Me too just dey learn ni oo.

Ikamenze: Its a not perfect bro......there's nothing like a perfect script..

This is my observation.
- You made use of too many Parentheses..
- You need to work on your DIALOGUE..it has to at least sound realistic..try reading it out loud next tym..
-You didn't exactly stick to the “show,don't tell” rule in your narration...and there was too many unnecessary info in it like....(They are eating white rice and stew with juice to wash it down// Mary is wearing Ankara)...

I know you were trying to paint a vivid picture but the way I see it,and this applies to all writers in d house, No matter how hard you try to be vivid or should I say precise with your descriptions,at the end of the day,its really up to the READER'S IMAGINATION...when a character is introduced,let's say MARY for instance,you can say she's tall and fair in complexion with curly hair but in d reader's head,he or she may have already pictured Mary to be short and dark and dats how he's going to see Mary till the end...the question you should ask yourself is,does Mary's height and complexion really do anything for the story? Does it add or remove anything to the storyline? If it doesn't,then why add it? D way I see it,If it doesn't have any direct impact to d story,then it shouldn't be there
I took tym to explain this part cos a lot of writers get so caught up in d minor details dat they forget the important stuff..

But all the same,nice effort...keep writing,keep studying,that's the only way you can get better...I've bn writing screenplays for 3yrs and I'm no where near perfect....we are all leaning..

I would like to commend the mods....this is the second screenplay dat has made it to front page in less than a week..pls keep it up...hopefully wen I post mine 2morow,it will make front page too..lol....

@villageboi..I'm shocked really,I was expecting some harsh criticisms from you...I thought you were gonna give him the same treatment you gave me when I made my first post......Have you gone soft or is shola a close friend of urs,u don't wanna hurt his feelings ryt? Lol......

Bro, God will bless you and may you succeed in life endeavours. I appreciate your post. Well, you've spoken well as a fellow scriptwriter.

My own perspective is, try to be as detailed as possible, so far you won't piss the director off. It may nt be necessary in a short, but for a feature, it may even helpin casting. Those described physical features makes the character feel specific, not just ambiguous.

With the parentheses, Prof also indicated that and I have reduced it to the ones that I feel are necessary. So, I don't still get why they are a problem.

Tnx for that dialogue tip but that's what I do. Maybe it just didn't sound realistic to you. It happens...art is subjective. And the location of the setting wasn't related, but we re sure it's the "toosh" part of "Nigeria". Or maybe the dialogue didn't go the way you would have written it. Lol.

Villageboi na correct critic oo and pls, dnt take any feather from his cap. He is quite blunt and in his opinion, would find loopholes in a script and correct it. What you think is a loophole, may not be one to him. Or he may have his cogent reasons but Villageboi is one of the ppl that know their onions and can as well tell you the truth. In short, he has never spared me.

I believed I stuck to the 'show' not 'tell' thing. But I may not have written it the way you expected. EVERYTHING IN THE SCRIPT CAN BE SEEN ON SCREEN IF SHOT AS A FILM. That's what is called "showing". Like where I said Mary dialed a number. If I had said "she dialed her husband's no", that's "telling" 'cos hw do we automatically know it's her husband she dialed while watching it on screen except there is a close camera shot? I tried as much as possible to write things that would be seen by a viewer, not just read by a reader. I'm not trying to say I am perfect...infact, far from it. But kindly point out areas in the script where it was "telling"...not "showing"...maybe it's you that have the wrong idea of what "showing" entails.
Tnx for ur comment all the same. I look forward to seeing your short.

[quote author=real-teflon]Putting a phone call to Patience ozokwuo to play Madam Q[/quote] Yes oooo. That woman must accept the script oo.

importexpert: Nice thread brother. You have written well. Keep it up

Tnx very much bro. Love your words of encouragement.

aprokomania: [color=#990000][/color] white rice and fried stew with
glasses of juice to wash it down.
.
.
.
.
.nice story but i feel the above is too nollywood. all they ever eat and drink is rice and juice. pisses me off personally.

Lolz. This is the funniest comment I've read on this thread. Thanks. In case of next tym, dem go chop akpu. tnx very much.

kayswag100: Nice one guy.

safe for a few grammatical errors I can't all point out, you are sound. Your use of English appears impressive.

... but don't you think putting your work here leaves it open to plagiarists? I have an experience with that sort of thing. ...

Thanks bro for your comment. I would try going through the script once again to correct such errors.

And for me to put any script on a public forum, I am not really keen on a personal use of it 'cos I see it as a way of improving one's craft.

Tnx for ur advice. Well-noted.

ekwurekwu: I love this, though predictable. The ending was fanstatic! Kudos!

Tnx bro. I appreciate.

Tayeni: thank you! Although I enjoyed reading it but I couldn't place a finger on what was wrong wt it until I read ur comment.......Mary not knwing madam Q was her mother unlaw is a hard sell......its not believable to me. They've lived in d same estate 4 atleast 4years and must hv had mutual friends or neighbors.......I'm not literary, I'm just a consumer yet I spotted that loophole.

Lol. Tnx for d comment. 4 miscarriages don't necessarily mean 4 years Besides, Madam Q knew what she was doing when she refused to identify wiv her 'daughter-in-law' 'cos she saw her as just a sacrificial lamb for d moment while a new wife wud be the real deal. Her priority was her son's interest.

Btw, it's an horror story...vampires too are never real.

lynx200: Nice one Sholay. Just keep on practicing your writing craft and you will get better. The story is good though it could be better.

Tnx very much bro. God bless.

sexytabhi: This quote summeried the whole story,so on point.

this touched me and I almost forgot that it wasn't real,getting all emotional for mary.

Tnx v much. I appreciate. Don't get too emotional oh...lol.

4C2215131: Classic Nollywood script. Nice effort though.

Tnx. I appreciate.

lanlokunomolara: guy,u ar too much... continue representin prof sholay

Lol. Tnx very much dear.

Megaflex: Nyc one Sholay

Tnx very much bro.

spade: Hmmmm... Not bad, Sholay.

Spade hw u dey? Lng tym. Tnx for d comment.

[quote author=god_of_music] I just heard Nigerian female soul singer, ASA's song played on MBC 2 movie promo 'THE LAKE HOUSE' wow!!! Naija don go far oo [/quote]That's nice.

No Qualms: Stopped raining roughly one hour in Akure. It started on Sunday afternoon, stopped in the night and resumed yesterday morning around 10a.m. It rained since then till about an hour ago.

Exactly.

VillageBoi: It is quite good, do watch it!

Tnx for validating it.

It's end tym

sexytabhi: Seriously it got me disappointed. Although it's been a while I watched nollywood movie,it is not becausei don't Like them but they can be so fake most times. Also the artistes are not classy at all. Even though we rate them so high.

Don't mind them. But pls, there are gud nollywood movies too that are being made. Incase you've nt seen 'Anchor Baby', try watching it. It would show you the hardwork some ppl put to realise their creative dreams. Our best is yet to come.

Afam4eva: It's just about the money for a lot of them

Though, I won't totally blame d actors sha 'cos they may av been looking for scripts but weren't getting any nd did what was available. At least, man go chop. Dats y I'm against being a full-time actor (wiv no other job as 'back up') as a newbie in this present nollywood except one doesn't have personal standards.

It's far from wrong to do a movie on the menace of ASUU strike but such sensitive topic should be done with care and focus on quality.

The title sef get as e be.

Why dem no call 'The Social Network' a name as lucid as 'Facebook' or 'Zuckerberg'? It still has to do wiv creativity though.

sexytabhi: Has nollywood gon cray? What's with this movie ASUU strike or is it some kind of joke?

Did you read my mind? 'Cos we just posted almost same tin. D thread dey vex me...I swear.

Damn! I'm still vexed wiv dis Nollywood 'ASUU strike' movie thread. It makes Nigerians dt dont do cinemas to think dats how 'boring and stewpeed' every nollywood movie is.

Oge Okoye sef fall my hand...

@ Villageboi and prof...Thank you very much. I appreciate.

speedyboi: I will be back tomorrow

Ok then.

mufex: This is absolutely perfect!!!! Nice one.

I appreciate your feedback bro. Thanks.

tunapa2009: Yes ooo... Everything should be done in moderation...

@tunapa...hw far? Just confirmed from Ikoku that agric isn't there. Though, I had my doubts before sha.

All izz well. Best wishes to ppl in oda depts.

peterDiamond: mr sholay my english cordination is not that bad...as usual just wanted you to show off your supposed love for your alma mater......oau peeps too dey form.

Bros...no vex abeg.

peterDiamond: these oau peeps ....is this desperation or anxiousness....much ado about mob number.....

It's 'anxiety'...not 'anxiousness'.

tunapa2009: The person should be on his way by Now... If it is true, please just post ur name, matric no and dept as fast as possible...(I will let u all know)

You get mouth joor. Make d pesin check for us too oh.

Demmylade: I'm not really on campus now, but I'll get there very early 2mao morning.

Abeg, help me also check if any dept in faculty of agric dey d acclaimed list. Tenk.