₦airaland Forum

@Lalasticlala, ishilove.

TheDauraMallam:
Nice one.

Sholay, show, don't tell.

Overall, perfect story.

Thanks and noted sir.

Ignatio:
Never saw the explosion coming. I was expecting Jako to shake Amina up or make a hostage situation. Love the twist and suspense you created.

Thanks Bro.

tosan200:
Nice one @sholay2011. The 'boko haram' angle put this story in another perspective. Simple but yet complex story.
Many unasnwered questions. Hmm

Thanks.

VillageBoi:
Very nice. That was just brilliant!! Well done Sholay.

Awww....thanks very much Bro. Long time.

IyaEjima:
Sholay!
Nice one!! I see d MB fever don turn u to writer!lol.. Keep it up bro

lynx200:
Great job you are doing Sholay. Never expected this ending. You are improving with each of your scripts. Thumbs up bro

Aww...thanks birthday mate. Glad you like it.

morsadh:
Dark, and well written. Didn't even see the B.H coming into this. Another lovely one from you sholay.

I really appreciate Bro.

That Mrs Orijajoogun was the slight comic relief I tried adding to the script to tone down its 'dark-ness'.

prof800:
wow!

cnario:
Lol... I love the Boko Haram twist, I didn't see that coming. I love how you did it.
Some scenes could be structures better though. Nice one again Sholay.

I'm glad you like it. I also felt there was a better way to write certain scenes but was too 'pressed' to post it here. This is the first draft actually. Thanks Bro.

Brimmie:
Let me secure this space first.
EDIT: While reading it.. Was visualizing the whole thing in my head. Nice!!
I love the Suspense.. I was expecting Jako to leave a "trace" before exiting. Prolly hitting someone.. You know? (Nollywood Style )
I wish I could set up a Police Station so as to film this lovely and interesting script.
Good Job!!

Lol@setting up a police station. I'm glad you like it.

kay9:
I'm no expert at screen-playing, but this looks good... And it reads good too. And that twist at the end, text-book perfect!
Sholay, are you involved in movies/entertainment?

Thanks very much. I am presently not active in the movie industry but someday. ...never say never.


I have always wanted to write a parody of 'action films'. Yes, we need the sight of guns, explosions and what have you, cheesy lines, heroes and villains to make us enjoy them while finishing that bag of popcorn. But that shouldn't come at the expense of characterisation, connection to the events/characters, 'groundedness' and relatability.
Thank God for action movies such as 'The Dark Knight', 'Mad Max: Fury Road', 'Gravity' amongst others.

OPUSDEI1:
October 9 signing in and also on behalf of my little Princess that joined us in the early hours of yesterday being October 10.

Awww...happy birthday to both of you. Longlife and prosperity.

@prof800, @villageboi, @briareos, @speedyboi, @semid4lyfe @tonyayo, @morsadh, @lynx200, @ignatio, @cnario, @chromatic, @StateofMind, @IyaEjima, @thesoj, @onegig @enoquin @lalasticlala et al.

ACTION FILM

BY

SHOLAY


FADE IN:

INT. SMALL CAFETERIA- DAY
A close shot of a radio with an old highlife track emanating from its speakers. We see a ladle as it scoops well-fried stew on two plates of white rice and ripe plantain. It drops two meats into each plate.

We meet AMINA (15), a chubby, dark-complexioned girl serving some food for a YOUNG MAN (29) at the counter.
Glimpses of the cafeteria: arranged chairs and tables, a wall clock that is working, and a well-dressed, FAIR-COMPLEXIONED LADY (24) seated in one of the chairs, playing a ‘game’ on her mobile phone.

Amina opens the nearby freezer and picks two bottles: one Guinness, one Fanta.

EXT. SMALL CAFETERIA-DAY
A car ZOOMS into the arena and parks in fashion. Jako (34), dressed in rough clothing and face-cap puffs out smoke from a cigarette in his hand. He alights from the car and matches the cigarette while the bandage on his left arm is quite visible. He adjusts his face-cap.

INT. SMALL CAFETERIA- DAY
Amina cleans the counter with a napkin. The young man and fair-complexioned lady are seated together, eating. Jako enters and walks up to the counter.

JAKO
Afternoon.

AMINA
Good afternoon, sir.

We notice the Hausa accent in Amina’s spoken English. She squints her eyes a little while staring at him.

JAKO
What’s available?

AMINA
Em…em…r-rice…plantain…

JAKO
You have beans?

AMINA (shakes her head)
Hm-hm.

JAKO
Give me rice- #200, four meats and a lot of plantain.

AMINA
Okay sir.

Camera pans to the young man and his companion as they talk amidst smiles. The highlife song ends and a juju song starts on the radio. Jako goes to a seat at the corner with his food and bottled water.

Amina looks from the counter as he sits and quickly bends down to search a drawer at the counter. She pulls out a piece of paper with the picture of Jako on it and its emboldened title reads ‘WANTED’. ‘ANYONE WITH VALUABLE INFORMATION OF THE WHEREABOUTS OF THIS MAN SHOULD PLEASE CONTACT THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY ON 08010530786. MR JAKANDE GABRIEL IS AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS CRIMINAL. A HANDSOME REWARD AWAITS THIS PERSON’, reads after the picture.
She sighs.

AMINA (faces one of the inner rooms of the cafeteria)
Em….mummy!

MADAM ORIJAJOOGUN (O.C, in Yoruba)
What?

AMINA
Ahn…em…nothing ma.

MADAM ORIJAJOOGUN (O.C)
Talk now oh…

AMINA (mumbles)
Nothing.

MADAM ORIJAJOOGUN (56), emerges from one of the inner rooms dressed in a fashionable iro and buba, ties her headgear and carries a bag. Amina pockets the ‘notice’.

MADAM ORIJAJOOGUN (In Yoruba)
It’s you that knows what is wrong with you.
(In English)
Just ensure you close by 7pm sharp and lock the door. I don’t want to hear story oh.

AMINA
Yes ma.

MADAM ORIJAJOOGUN
Ehn-ehn. Because when-

A cell phone rings. Amina turns off the radio while Madam Orijajoogun takes her phone from her bag and answers the call.

MADAM ORIJAJOOGUN (In Yoruba)
Friend, how far? (pause) Ah, I am ready; I am all dressed up now. (pause) it’s surely ‘to-match’. They must know that one Mrs Orija is in this town when I storm that place…

She signals to Amina that she is leaving as she strolls outside while still on the phone.

AMINA’S POV- Jako struggles with a meat while the young man and his lady are talking over their meal. Amina leaves for one of the inner rooms.

INT. CAFETERIA/INNER ROOM- DAY
She brings out her rickety phone and the paper notice and dials the number. She looks irritated. After few trials, the phone on the other end rings.

INT. POLICE STATION/ ENCLOSED OFFICE- DAY
Officer Austin (40), dressed in his police uniform, picks up the phone.

OFFICER AUSTIN
Hello…

AMINA (O.S)
Hello sir. I am Amina…calling from ‘Madam Orija’ restaurant. Em…the person you are looking for- ja-ja kan-

OFFICER AUSTIN
-Jakande Gabriel? Jako?

AMINA
Yes sir. Please, come quickly…‘Madam Orija restaurant’.

OFFICER AUSTIN
Don’t worry, i know the restaurant. Not far from ‘division a’ at all. Azizat, right?

AMINA (O.S)
It is Amina.

OFFICER AUSTIN
Thank you very much. We are on our way.

INT. CAFETERIA/INNER ROOM- DAY
Amina is still on the phone.

AMINA
Okay sir. Bye-bye.

The call ends. She gently pockets her phone and the paper notice.

INT. CAFETERIA- DAY
Amina enters frame and walks up to the counter. Jako is nowhere to be seen at his table but his plate is far from empty. Amina starts to panic. We see the wall clock ticking. The ‘young man’ blows off dirt from the eye of his fair-complexioned companion. After few attempts, the lady appears okay.

Jako emerges from the men’s restroom, staring at Amina and walks back to his seat and continues eating. Amina sighs, looks a bit relieved.
Jako’s cell phone rings and he brings out his ‘expensive-looking’ phone from his pocket and picks the call, speaking in a low tone.


JAKO
Any problem?

INT. POLICE STATION/ENCLOSED OFFICE- DAY

OFFICER AUSTIN
Thank God. Why are you not picking your calls?

JAKO
Well, I’ve picked it now.

OFFICER AUSTIN
Someone recognises you where you are…right now.

INTERCUT BETWEEN THE OFFICE AND THE RESTAURANT

JAKO (sighs, adjusts his face cap)
Someone called your station?

OFFICER AUSTIN
Obviously. A female.

Jako PEEPS around, making furtive glances at the fair-complexioned lady who is engrossed in a romantic discussion with her ‘young man’.

OFFICER AUSTIN (cont’d)
You have to get out of there now. We will soon be on our way.

JAKO
O-okay.

OFFICER AUSTIN
One more thing…be careful.

JAKO
You can’t teach me my job Austin.

OFFICER AUSTIN
‘Just saying. ‘Because if you are caught, it’s not only you that’s going down.

JAKO
Thanks. Bye.

Jako ends the call.

INT. POLICE STATION/OFFICE- DAY
Officer Austin MARCHES to an open office where some armed police officers are seated in clusters, discussing.

OFFICER AUSTIN
Eh, i just got a call on the location of this Jako guy.

CUT TO:

INT. CAFETERIA- DAY
Amina gives Jako a side stare (as he rushes his food) and also, peeps at the ticking wall clock.

ISABELLA (29), a tall lady adorned in casual wear with a handbag, enters the cafeteria and walks up to the counter amidst broad smiles.

ISABELLA
Hi.

AMINA
Afternoon, ma.

ISABELLA
Afternoon. You sell food here, right?

Amina nods, takes a furtive peep at Jako.

ISABELLA
What’s available?

Jako stands up from his seat and walks towards the door. Amina appears confused.

AMINA
Sir! Sir!

Jako pauses.

JAKO
Yes?

AMINA
Your…your change sir…

JAKO
-keep it…

AMINA
Ermm…but sir…

JAKO
-what?!

Everyone’s attention is drawn to them. Amina looks stung.

AMINA
Hun…nothing, bye-bye sir.

Jako leaves angrily for his car.

ISABELLA
You know him?

AMINA (lowers her voice)
That man is a criminal. He is a wanted…

ISABELLA
-please, where can i pee? I am pressed…too much water.

Amina forces a smile and gesticulates towards one of the inner rooms of the restaurant that has a door. Isabella hastily leaves for the restroom.

-EXT. CAFETERIA/INT. JAKO’S CAR- DAY
A revolver emerges from Jako's jacket and lies beside him. He inserts the car key into its hole and starts the engine but it does not fully ignite. He tries again…

EXT- CAFETERIA/JAKO’S CAR- DAY

SFX- A DEAFENING SOUND!
A BOMB PLANTED INSIDE THE CAR DETONATES, SENDING HUGE SHOCK WAVES THAT DESTROYS WITHIN A LARGE RADIUS, INCLUDING PART OF THE RESTAURANT. THE CAR IS BLOWN INTO PIECES.

FADE BLACK
SFX- SCREAMS OF PEOPLE OVER FADE BLACK

FADE IN:

We see thick smoke everywhere and some parts of unidentifiable materials burning.
SFX- THE SIREN OF THE POLICEMEN FROM A CLOSE DISTANCE. IT BECOMES LOUDER AND LOUDER.

We see the ‘young man and his fair-complexioned companion’ lying on the ground with signs of first degree burning and deep lacerations on their bodies. They are dead.
Camera PANS to Amina as she GASPS for breath while lying on the floor with severe injuries.

SFX- THE SIREN STOPS.

We have a glimpse of the carnage. The wall clock is still ticking. Officer Austin walks into frame, to meet Amina where she lies.

OFFICER AUSTIN
Oh my God. What happened here?

AMINA (close to tears and holds him tightly)
I…I need water. You-you…you are coming to…to…

OFFICER AUSTIN
-calm down. We have called for an ambulance.

AMINA (CONT’D)
---to arrest a crimi-nal and you are ‘shouting’ wh-while coming.

OFFICER AUSTIN
You are Amina, right?

CUT TO:

INT. POSH CAR- DAY
Isabella is on a call. She WEARS dark shades.

ISABELLA
I told you he isn’t…or rather…wasn’t beyond my capability.

OFFICER AUSTIN’S VOICE (FROM THE OTHER END)
You really surprised me. And boss is madly happy. No loose ends.

ISABELLA
Yeah. You all owe me one now.
(Beat)
Was the girl at the counter alive when you got there? The Amina girl or what did you call her name…

OFFICER AUSTIN (O.C)
Oh…she has been taken to the hospital but I doubt…you know…the injuries were really bad.

ISABELLA
Whatever. She is our story.

INT. POORLY LIT ROOM- DAY

OFFICER AUSTIN
Definitely.

EXT. POLICE STATION- DUSK DISSOLVES TO NIGHT.

INT. BUNGALOW/SITTING ROOM- NIGHT
A MAN (51), his wife and two children (12 &16) are eating their dinner while the ’ARTV news’ is being watched on the TV. We see their wall clock ticking. It's 8pm sharp.

MAN (In Yoruba)
Funmi is yet to be back by this time?

WIFE (In Yoruba)
She should be on her way already.

A CLOSE SHOT OF THE TV SCREEN

NEWSCASTER
A shocking explosion at Orija restaurant today in Arije has thrown the inhabitants of the neighbourhood into palpable fear and pandemonium.

The man's wife reacts to the breaking news.

NEWSCASTER (CONT’D)
It was later confirmed to be a bomb by the police after they received a hoax call that the wanted man, Jako, was at the restaurant. There was no casualty except the female suicide bomber whose name is Amina. She died on the way to the hospital. Her boss, a socialite who owns the restaurant speaks with ARTV…

CUT TO:
-STILL ON TV SCREEN (EXT. ARIJE NEIGHBOURHOOD IN BG- DUSK)-
Mrs Orijajoogun, dressed in an evening gown and huge amount of makeup, SPEAKS to a microphone held to her mouth by a news reporter.

MRS ORIJAJOOGUN
I am still in shock that the useless girl I took in to help me at my restaurant is working for Boko haram. She came from the north not too long ago. This morning, she was just behaving…you know…acting somehow like she was not comfortable. She called me, I answered her, and she then said ‘nothing’. I asked her what was wrong but she kept quiet like ‘musu’. I left for the birthday of my friend’s cousin, not knowing Amina had evil plans.
(Voice cracks)
I didn’t even know that will be the last time I will see my restaurant. All I have worked for…all my life! All my savings, all my… (Pauses), this is a very sensitive issue. Big news stations and national media houses should please and please, look into this matter, and I am always willing to give them any necessary informa-

CUTS BACK TO THE NEWSCASTER:

NEWSCASTER
(Beat)
The DPO of Division A has promised to get to the root of this brouhaha. He urges Nigerians to be more security-conscious. Boko haram is yet to officially claim responsibility for this bombing.

Camera PANS to the family picture hung on the wall. We see the man, his wife, the two children seated, and the fair-complexioned lady (Funmi) that died in the explosion.

FADE OUT

Nice one. Thumbs up Bro.

judnele:
Thank God canada at last.
1st application
Submitted on February 28
Refused March 30
Reasons
Insufficient funds

2nd application
Submitted July 30
Medical August 11
Medicals done August 18
Note: I submitted with a defaced passport.
September 2 I was sent a mail to do a new one within 14 days
September 9 I got d old one and went to Abuja to renew I missed d deadline cic gave me I had to send them a mail explaining things
Submitted new passport September 15
Approval mail on Saturday September 19
Thanks to those who helped me through.
@ team12, sholay,Teeboy,tGraviton,Tullop,Teesoj.

Huge congratulations to you!

errandonline:
Hello House,I have a strange scenario,my sister applied for a work permit to Canada to go meet her hubby with their son..she was called for medicals about a month ago,she got a request for their passport earlier today while she was jubilating,she got a rejection letter later in the day. I have never seen this before .Please what can she do.anyone seen this before?

ugonnachimezie54:
I will mail them tomorrow to inform them about it, but hope there are chances of them extending the day because have paid the full fees just waiting on CBN to debit me

Mail them right now!!!! Haba! You have to hear from the school first before taking any major step. We can't tell you to 'unpay' or withdraw the payment.

And I doubt anyone here knows the CBN Governor or so.

ugonnachimezie54:
Hey people, I got admission for lambton college and was asked to pay the acceptance fee before a particular date which is on the 9th of October and that's next tomorrow.. Have paid the fees already using form A but CBN hasn't debited my account.. Please people what do I do now

Have you mailed the school to inform them of a likely delay in payment?

ayooluwatoni:
All thanks to God my Study Permit (Visa) has been Approved!!!

First Application:
Submission date: June 30, 2015
Medical Call: July 15, 2015
Medical Done: July 17, 2015
Refusal Date: July 28, 2015
Dispatch Date: August 3
Pick-up Date: August 10
Reason for Refusal: V.O was not sure I had sufficient fund to pay tuition without working in Canada.

*** Lots of fasting, lots of prayers but the visa was refused!

Second Application:
Submission Date: August 19
Medical Call: September 2
Medical Done : September 2
Approval Mail: October 7

***** Less fasting, Less Prayers.

My conclusion, God did it, and I give all Glory to him. But I learnt something, God will not do for you what you should do yourself. Don't expect a miracle when you have failed to play your own role.

Awwww....I am soo happy. You have been a great asset to this thread Bro. Congratulations!

Wow....this looks almost exactly like a GSD we once had for over 10 years (Bobby). Died from natural causes last year February. We had to bury it ni oO. ..was already part of the family.

PunaPuzzy:
I luv d dog it luk kinkin buh I ear dat rott normally attack der owner is it true

Na wa for your English oO.

Lol@ posts here. Nairalanders dey sound serious for here sha. . Nice one. Dem be like:

'God bless you OP; the 'word' was for me. It came at the perfect time...'

'This is so inspiring!'

'I just found my purpose...right after I finished reading the writeup. Thanks OP.'

'OP, I have sent you a pm. Please respond....I want us to discuss my purpose off NL....'

'OP, Do you have a blog where we can visit to read these wonderful writeups? ' (like say dem like to dey read)

'Thank God! Something reasonable finally made Frontpage! '

'OP, you are God-sent. The writeup was life-giving'.

After the jamming of fingers on the weakened keyboards, my Nairalanders exit the thread; and people soon forget all they said and how their bones shook when they read the awesome writeup and continue their 'usual' lives.
Practise what you idealise yourself to be.

exthar87:
I learned socks is important and no he is not unreasonable cause if the BA gave a reasonable reason rather than saying he forgot then I would have had frowned at the CRO..

And that means he should be fired Or at least that motivated the CRO to attempt such so others can be 'on their toes' and realise the firm doesn't take 'nonsense'?

Pfft!! Of course, it's silly of the guy not to wear socks but do you know his history? Do you know if the little he has on is packaging till they start paying salaries? We shouldn't be narrow-minded.

What the CRO did is wrong. In saner climes, you don't do such. It is not the military. The guy scaled through stages just as you did to arrive at that point. And 'I forgot' is usually the go-to line most people utter in such embarrassing situation. What if the guy eventually becomes the most-skilled out of all of you?

My point is even though what the man did is typical of Nigerian employers, what is wrong is still wrong. He was being unreasonable.

And OP, the lesson you should learn here is your CRO can fire you at anytime in this your job...even if na pen you forget for house so far you've been told it's 'important'. I'll be praying for you.

*Unfollows thread*

.

.

This reads like sarcasm.

Make una calm down.

sevantex:
I wonder how some guys wear their shoes witout socks, I never do dt o. Tnks Op, we sure learnt sumtin frm dis. Dressing properly!

The CRO was unreasonable to be honest. It is common to we blacks, always flexing our authority at every opportunity. He could have just sent him out of the class or given him a stern warning. That's embarrassing enough.

Thank God humans are not God. Snatching the poor man's daily bread from him just to prove a point is heartless. It is not being professional.

And I am not justifying the absence of socks.

@OP...What did you learn? Share it with us. 'Cos I learnt the heart of man is desperately wicked.

Is Seyi Shay carrying a mop on her head or what?

harristo:
emusmith you got the meaning of the word sarcasm right but you are wrong to say word people say in the heat of the moment are sarcasm.

You said it yourself "You want to know a person's true character? Watch when they are very upset or very excited."

From this you can see that words people say when they are upset or excited are the ones they truly mean from the bottom of their heart and are therefore not sarcasm.

FYI sarcasm doesn't work that way, people don't say sarcastic words unconsciously, they come up with it consciously.

Anyway I got your point, we should try control ourselves and saying avoid those words to our partners.



I don't think so, in fact they are the very opposite of sarcasm.

Thank you for this. I was wondering if it was me that forgot the meaning of sarcasm.

That's sarcasm

@lalasticlala...

Frontpage please.

Wow! This is veeery nice.

Congratulations. Better days ahead in Jesus name.

She looks beautiful.

So, what movie please?