₦airaland Forum

aribisala0:
the premise of the thread is the problem.
basically it is;
if a man loves me he must intervene when i have financial problems. if he does not he is stingy.

do we apply that same logic to our friends/family

of course there is a range of opinion on this but the fact that it has gone on for so long on this thread is an indication of how strongly people feel about the issue. i rather suspect that the thread is not going to change how people feel.
personally it confirms what i already know about nigerian women in general and it is for me to adjust my behaviour accordingly.
i am sure the thoughtful women too will learn something about how nigerian men think

You are correct - I agree

@ Lax

Thank you my friend - you are too kind.

It is important that I start now by practicing "self-restraint" - more and more - remember I will be stepping off a plane in the heart of Nigeria where those like "All4Naija" are everywhere you look.

They do focus on "gender inequalities" - women and children should say little - even if wronged - should just deal with it.

Since I am aware of this and have been reminded of it by "All4Naija" - only moments earlier - I should start practicing this for my own "self protection."  

"Wise as wolves in sheep clothing" - that term was given to the populace for a reason.

I need to more and more start "picking my battles" especially as a woman = Big D is correct it should have been an effort to just "relay an opinion" versus a fight to "be the known authority."

Teachable moments have been deeply planted and embedded all through this thread.

I tore into MBJ like he was my enemy and the truth of the matter is I have always respected him and marveled at his responses and his intellect.  THAT IS TRUTH - Now we are ex-Guantanamo Bay opposition NL patriots - on opposite sides of an overly widened sphere - which was NEVER my intent from the moment in which I gave my very first comment.

As I think back - I would like to retract my words to him - ALL OF THEM.

@ Lax - it is much easier for you - as a man they expect you to speak your mind - a woman many times is decimated for doing the same - though God gave us all tongues, brains, opinions - MAN has on his own rewritten and tried very hard to revise the creation.

^^^

my apologies to you for my silver, sharp tongue.   

at times, it gets me into trouble - I do try to control it many times - I am trying to get better in that regard.

@ Lax

Haven't you heard "blow-up dolls" are quite helpful now-a-days

Just kidding.

andromida:
they do but if in a rship at some point if the girl goes to spend weeks/weekends/months in a guys house or vice versa the boundary lines thins out and we all know that when a woman begins to spend long period of times in a man's house consciously or unconsciously she begins to supply household services and intimate services to the man as such the woman may begin to have wifely expectations from the man.

andromida:
@ dayo the scenario playing out here is this- the gal now has some financial challenges seeing as they are already playing house, should the man help her out? if he is able to

on all accounts Ms. A - YOU ARE MY SHE-RO (Female Hero)

^^^

Ms. A

That is brilliantly and clearly stated - The question of the millenia - Please let's hear what next pops out of the mouths of men - be prepared - "they will shoot this one down as well"

Oh Ok

Well - I am a Girlfriend who is in line to be a wife.

Thank you Mrs. C.  (sticks tongue out at men on the forum)

Thank you for educating us ignorant ones.

^^^

Ms. A - Thank you for introducing me to this world and to how it thinks by a large majority of dwellers - I guess I am finding this out. So I guess I am now an Ashewo Now if someone can teach me how to pronounce my "new found name" - so that I can make sure I introduce myself correctly to my new friends. I wouldn't want to NOT KNOW MY PLACE.

debosky:
@ Shy One

I always address root causes, so I can't respond to each and every comment. I will make a few points:

1. I have always been in support of mutual assistance - I have said so numerous times.

2. If MBJ was talking about kobo and paying, he was talking about money. If you equate money with raising kids and sex(like you did), you are degrading everything it means to be a woman.

You can't come here and claim your words were twisted - you have implicitly said that since a man cannot breastfeed, the way to make things 'equal' is through money.

If you come out and say that statement you made was wrong, then that is another matter.

If MBJ was talking in purely monetary terms, why on earth will childbearing be brought in?? Or sex? Is sex now currency? Does breastfeeding have a $ value??

One more thing - no woman has ever used me as an atm. I hold absolutely no bitterness on this matter.

My views are based on principle - no man/woman should ever mix up money with parental DUTIES or intimate relationship.

Don't talk about PAYING (as MBJ did) and include  sex or childbearing - those are not PAYMENTS.

I don't see women as 'ashawo' - only those who want to receive payment for intimate services fall into that category.

@ Big D

This is a forum - and from what I just found out recently you are ONE OF THE MODERATORS of this forum

FORUM = A million thoughts, expressions, views and COMPARISONS (did it change in the past few minutes and I didn't get the memo?)

Tell me - How fair are you as A MODERATOR?

To tell me what I "can and cannot compare any topic or issue TO OR AGAINST for that matter ?"

I didn't read in the instructions anywhere posted where I had to Use tools for measurement of topics "selected by the moderators and moderators only"

Please point that out to me. (And I will fall in line and abide by that ruling)  God forbid I go against a Mod

Again - I direct you to re-read the post - ESPECIALLY THE ONE IN WHICH YOU REFER - That this is ONLY A MONEY COMPARISON because it is NOT just a money comparison - It was AN EQUALITY comparison - He wanted the woman to pay her KOBO - IN EQUAL MEASURE THE SAME AMOUNT THAT HE PAYS.  My response was justified - How are men and women equal in anything?  Pray, please share this with me.  Shy-One absolutely LOVES LEARNING NEW THINGS.

In that instance "My Moderator Friend" - my comparison was most accurate - If MBJ can go off topic and start to then TWIST ME UP with being from "his experience" some kind of an Ashewo and/or "Ashewo Acting" - or say that I "expect to be paid to have children and be paid to Be Intimate and be paid to tell a man that I love him" - where were you Mr. Moderator when all of that was going on?  Just curious - not trying to incite you to anger - just some logical questions coming to my thought.

Also - It is OBVIOUS from what I read that MBJ - WAS NOT talking "purely in monetary terms" - He associates money in a relationship with "equal share needs to be paid" - if he is "called up to pay it and if it is EVER REQUIRED OR REQUESTED OF HIM and if he is a PART of the transaction - such as engaging in a shared meal" - But if the "meal isn't shared" - She is on her damn own. (His exact wording)

And officially from me to you "Nice to meet you"

lolololol

ahahahahaha

I'm sorry - you guys post so fast - I was the only poster while I was typing and then when I hit submit I had Mrs. Chima, Talina and You (Tosin) had beat me to the draw.
Sorry my friend.

I know Tosin - you have too much class to be MBJ - He is a SORE LOSER - WE HAVE been trying all night to talk him down and get him off the roof - he is hysterical and won't let it go - we've been trying to calm him down and talk him down.  He is still perched on the top of the building.  "Hey MBJ - jump we'll catch you the safety net is waiting on you down here."  Don't look down - Just close your eyes and jump - it's OK.  Come on down here with the rest of us.  "A crowd of people on the ground expectantly, patiently waiting and looking up."

@ MBJ





Shy-One gently humming a lullabye to MBJ, rocking him gently, slowly stroking his GREAT BIG BALD HEAD, methodically rubbing his back firmly but gently  - Shy is still humming "hush little baby don't say a word, papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird and if that mocking bird don't sing, papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring"


Shy-One whispers in his ear - "go to sleep" - "get some rest"

Everything is OK - You can lose sometimes - you don't have to always win.  It's ok - we won't think any less of you.

Shy steps out of the room tiptoeing to the kitchen to check and see if his milk has finished warming.

@ MBJ

Can you settle down a bit?

Those very young girls have you sounding extremely immature and overly hyped up.

Please can we bring it down some notches?  I am tired.

Actually - I need to log off - I have a conference call coming in - I had a morning project that didn't go as planned that is why I had time to post on NL off and on today.  The project that was delayed is coming in late this evening.

So I need to hop off until tomorrow.  Regardless to how you want to insist on "rushing me" - it just "isn't as you have assumed" - no where near - you are on Mars and I am on Venus.

And more and more you just sound "very silly"

Again - if you misread me - there is little I can do about it anymore - what has been said has been said.

I am educated
I am generous
I invest in my relationship by being adventurous (dancing)
By being liberal (sex.ually)
By being open to my mates ideas and his wants

So why wouldn't I want the same?  That is smattered throughout my posts in different ways and on different levels - as you see in the last post that you highlighted in red - that I definitely wrote because that is what a man gets from me. SO I need the same from him.

Accept that you are wrong and just move forward - move on.  The night is young - enjoy it.

[quote author=Jenifa_ link=topic=757157.msg9149771#msg9149771 date=1316053138]eya sorry for your loss. what was the cause of death?  [/quote]Prostrate and Pancreatic Cancer - 2 forms - diagnosed in November 2008 - given less than a year to live - Passed November 23, 2009.  Was lifting weights, running at top speed on our treadmill UP TO A MONTH before he started throwing up blood.

No pre-symptoms - came out of clear blue

Went to regular doctor visits.

@ MBJ

I have an excellent memory

Everything I posted I MEANT.

Because everything I posted that I needed FROM A MAN - IS WHAT THAT MAN BY DEFAULT WILL RECEIVE  FROM ME.

SO why would I not want the same?  But he EVEN GETS MORE - he has a woman who can use her body to incubate and care for HIS NEXT GENERATION of little mini-me's

That is why I said IT IS UNEQUAL and there is NO EQUAL KOBOS.

I will give him his fix when he needs it on TOO MANY LEVELS TO LIST.

So after all of the constant comebacks do you not yet EVEN REMOTELY UNDERSTAND my thoughts and expressions?

This isn't a win or lose conversation - this is a simple dialogue.

^^^
@ Lax

Widowed in 2009 - Husband died in his 40s - very athletic man who gave me the world, very liberal thinker, very creative, really business minded but anti-social unless you were a blood relative.

For me focusing on business is SAFE and SECOND NATURE.

@ Ms. Potato

Where have you been?

I don't see your posts anymore.

I love this thread - and you are correct.

^^^

I don't know yet - the business has taken over EVERYTHING - all my time and all his time

We are having differences in "How we marry" - this will be my last (I am in my early 30s) so I want it to be a really nice ceremony that I choose - he wants a simple court ceremony. So we aren't agreeing right now.

Also - because our differences are shining through on the business end - I need to make sure on the personal side that we won't end up just being really good business partners and never marry.

So I am moving to Lagos for a short while before we marry. I still have to make sure I marry the "right man for me" - I have to be happy - I work to hard and I don't want to make him miserable if we are not compatible.

So our wedding date has been moved back for now. From MY SUGGESTION.

Lax75:
@ Shyone

It's understandable somewhat. This relationship would work only with a man who doesn't have a problem having this high level of comittment that you and your man have. While this is brave of him (and you), to have this level of commitment and not be married, I would tell you that I can't do that. You guys sound like you are already married. But you are no "ashewo." You just happen to be a brave woman who takes some very high risks (partnership with your man who you are not married to). If you truly give as much as you say you do, then yes, it's understandable why a stingy man wouldn't be acceptable. Or a broke @ss man. I like the way you think creatively and find business opportunities!

Thanks - I am indeed everything I say I am and a whole lot more that I just don't discuss on NL.

I have doubts ask Mrs. Chima - I have opened threads where my insecurities glaringly shine through.  But we all have doubts.  So I proceed forward.  I definitely can't do stingy or broke and in turn my love goes so deep for "whoever I am with" - I wouldn't dare give him "broke or cheap or stingy."

It is a huge commitment - "TO Whom much is given - much is required."

I also talk to God constantly and follow and listen because my life is involved here as is his life and both of our lives are important.  If we don't make it as a couple we are protected legally in the business(s) to ensure that we both profit and can walk away with our heads held high and neither of us will suffer at the hands of the other.

That's what lawyers are for.

MRbrownJAY:
@lovedgal
i guess the difference between you and me is that if there has been 3 pages posted since i last was on this thread then i will READ these 3 pages. . . . . . .and if someone directed a post at me then i will surely reply to them, out of courtesy!

@ Shy One
you damn well know that this is NOT what you were saying because right after you wrote:
My allowing you to lay claim to me in front of the world and all who are in it - just secured your position of my giving you my loyalty, my time, my talents - become yours on different levels.  In turn your presence in my life also becomes a joy and a benefit to me - part of your presence entails the wallet in your pocket.

focus as NOWHERE you mentioned that you will give him YOUR wallet as well, but yet, you quickly lay claim to HIS!!!!! come on, we all understood CLEARLY what you meant!

anyway here are a few facts of life:
-if anyone is truly comfortable in their life (financially) then their last focus/worries would be "if their significant other is equally throwing money at them".
- poor hungry people are the one making a big deal about the monetary rules in a r/ship because that's what's on their mind!
- poor people pretending to be comfortable with money are the ones who will make a big deal if their partner didnt throw money at them.
- if his money dont come your way then why dont you simply use yours?!
- are you saying that dating means that he should financially support your business?! unless you put HIS name on the deed then i dont see why he should.
- if you require that he spends on your life issues then let him do so IF he wants to and NOT as a requirement for dating.
- a man investing in YOUR business is NOT investing in "your r/ship" like you claimed, he is investing in YOUR business. buying you a gift some time to time is not an investment but simply a GIFT. paying for the upkeep of YOUR business is completely different and it should be a signed LOAN (at best)!

TWO sure thing i have learned in life is that:
[b]1) NEVER, and i repeat NEVER, mix business with pleasure!!!![/b]
2) there is a very thin line between love and hate!

There just is no pleasing you is there?

DO you tell every single thing that you do when you respond to a thread or do you try to focus on the "specific area" that is of concern and TARGETED by the poster?

The post was about A WOMAN wanting TO KNOW ABOUT HER GUY and whether

"HE WOULD HELP HER"

I focused most of my posts on how I feel about a man I am dating "helping me" - that is what the topic was, I didn't realize at the time that I should PLACATE other writers who would POST AFTER I POSTED by ATTACKING WHAT I POSTED.

I didn't have a pre-populated answer in the event that MBJ would "tear into me" over how I "worded a statement" - had I known you would breathe fire down my back and neck - I would have added other statements.

All you had to do was ask me - versus "charging me" - You have heard me talk about God a million times - why wouldn't you have on your own assumed that If I need a man to be in my life with his wallet - That same authentic person who believes in God would be there with her purse.

If you had re-read and re-read my posts - I continued to say - "He for me and me for Him" - why just highlight one or two statements?  I filled PAGES with the fact that I give and help him as well.

Unity feels good when you assist each other.

There you go again - Where Did I say that someone was paying for the upkeep of my business?  Why won't you stop adding and assuming - trying to make fiction into fact?

Business and Pleasure?  We all make our choices don't we?  So far and it has been almost 2 years of a GREAT JOINING - so far we are doing excellent.

I know many husband/wife teams and many boyfriend/girlfriend teams (in the States) that have been doing business together for years and are doing just fine.  So you are saying Nigerian husband and wife teams don't do well going into business with each other?

If my mate doesn't want to go into business with me - I DON'T WANT HIM IN MY LIFE.  I love feeling fulfilled and working towards increasing one's lot in life for yourself and for your families.

MBJ - you and I think different - VERY, VERY, VERY different.

If I have offended you or if you think that I INTENTIONALLY MISLED you or LED you down the wrong road in this thread - I promise you that I didn't - I was speaking to the poster and was unaware I was going to be tackled by a team of men who were overly zealous to read into my words and condemn me where I stood.

I extend to you my sincerest apologies if you feel I have misrepresented myself

^^^

Sorry - I don't understand what you mean - but OK

^^^^

@ Lax

I hated putting my business out here like this - but the ONLY REASON "I stated that I need a man who pays" - is because he will get that "out of me"

I cannot date someone who doesn't contribute - I won't be used.  I bring a lot to the table on DIFFERENT LEVELS - and he MUST bring it AS WELL.

If it came off that I was sounding like a slut or a beggar - of some sort - I wouldn't have said it - on the other side of that coin, I am also not trying to also brag about myself either - but the more and more I read in this thread - page after page of the guys just railing on me because of their past experiences - and I just decided to keep my mouth shut - but then it just got worse and worse.

And then when MBJ went really off on the deep end in the WRONG DIRECTION with his assessment of me - I just decided to give it up.  

I don't use men - I just expect MY MAN to be as industrious, as hard working and as generous as I am and whether he lose his job or not - we have got to put our heads together to keep cash flowing by investing in different projects - I am what they call a work-aholic.  I work constantly - I also have another business - not just selling printing equipment.  I edit and proof books for writers and other areas as well.

So my money is always everywhere - invested here or there - that is why ONE OF US HAS TO HAVE CASH AVAILABLE.   To expect my man to have it when I don't have it and for him to expect me to have it when he doesn't have it - HAS BECOME VERY NORMAL FOR US.

It is important for me to get the "Money Questions(s)" out of the way right away at the start of a relationship because it is critical that I can trust him and he can trust me.  When you are working on building an empire and on self-improvement and on being successful - money shouldn't come between us - what I want are ideas and ingenuity and creativity to shine - I don't want to have to look at him and resent him not "buying me a burger because he isn't eating" - to move the equipment is 3,000.00 just to get it to a port to ship over seas - so why would I suffer a man that has issues over paying house rent or buying a 30.00 pedicure that I might need because my money which in the end will become our money is tied up in investments?

Now do you understand the way I talk and why I talk like I do?

If my man doesn't invest in US - I don't want him in my life.

I am in his corner and he is in my corner

@ MBJ

I don't need anyone to pay for my rent or my meals or whatever it is you are stating

I am sorry to say this but you have read - totally read and taken my words in the wrong manner

When my guy helped me financially - it was because at the time - I wasn't liquid - THAT IS FACT

THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-707034.0.html

That particular machine which I own - I just sold about 4 weeks ago - so I NOW have no cash flow problems - I had and will continue on some RARE OCCASIONS to have a cash flow problem because my money is tied up and invested in printing machinery and other areas - items that I sell in Lagos.  Printing industry is dead in the U.S.

The printing business is BIG AND BOOMING IN LAGOS and ALL OVER AFRICA.

I don't mean to bust your bubble or to deny you YOUR VICTORY that you have posted everywhere - called me Ashewo and all - but I'm sorry my friend - I don't fit into any of the categories you are trying SO DESPERATELY to push and shove me into.

MBJ

You are in Europe – but have you heard of the Tom Joyner Morning Show?  There is a segment of the show called the “Strawberry Letter” – the radio host reads that letter each day and it is a person writing about a problem , very similar to the Poster’s Post that opened this thread.

Tom Joyner always starts the verbal review of the letter by first reading the letter word for word as it is written – then he tells the radio audience that how he reads a letter is to first read what “wasn’t written” – that is the first thing he does.  He looks at “what the writer DIDN’T SAY.”  So LET’S SEE MY WORDS THAT ARE SILENT AND NOT WRITTEN.

- If you are my man - your money better be coming my way or I move on - point blank period

When I stated the above is because “I look to receive – what I put into a relationship” – the “Point Blank Period” wording emphasizes Just how important it is to me to have a man who is JUST AS GENEROUS WITH ME AS I AM WITH HIM.  I won’t date someone who is stingy because I expend a great deal of effort into my business and into my relationships especially one of a romantic level.  “ASHEWO  I  AM  NOT”

That Is how I was able to “get a good palm reading on you” – I was able to focus on areas that “you didn’t say”
Sometimes MBJ – you have to be willing to view subjects in areas and admit when your “traditional view and traditional categories – just aren’t fitting to EVERY SITUATION”.

Not only do I give on a monetary level - BUT I GIVE ON AN ENERGY LEVEL - If you are a couch potato - I don't want your lazy azz either - I love men who workout - because I work out heavily.

Money and Employed Men aren't the only areas - but since we are talking money in this thread - that is what I focused on in this conversation.  I am a social person and I don't want a man who is anti-social and all it is that we do is work, home and work, home.  Though I don't drink - I like to attend events.  I also don't want a guy who doesn't go to church.

So MBJ - there are times in which you should ask questions (additional ones) to find out WHY A PERSON THINKS AND SPEAKS IN THE MANNER IN WHICH THEY THINK AND SPEAK.  Before you start judging and shouting because you have compared it to your past love-gone wrong experiences.

Lax75:
Its all good my Sister. I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from, because I understand where you're coming from. You want a partner that you and he/she can become a force to be reckoned with. You want your Obama. I want my Michele. And that's why I say only a Loser of a dude would be with a broke @ss broad. What can she do for you? Nothing. What can a broke @ss dude do for you? Nothing. Why should I pay the bills of some GIRLFRIEND when there are many women out there who are making cheddar, go-getters, making things happen and paying their own bills. However, what I would do for the woman I marry? That is another story entirely. Why? Because we would be ONE flesh according to the covenant of marriage and believe you me, she will get EVERYTHING that all the previous GIRLFRIENDS didn't get. Why? Because she is the ONE. You're supposed to save the best till last.

Yes - I do - I want my Obama - you best believe that - I completely agree with you - I don't know why I didn't understand you originally - I do apologize to you - I think I was under fire - I was doing more ducking than reading - lolololololol

The reality is that relationships "Aren't about money" - But without money "they don't exist" - no one can live free - but no one is demanding money from the other partner either - i don't want a jobless man (which is unnecessary because if there is a job loss -there is also a route for the man to start his own business) - there is no need for anyone to be jobless.  But I also don't want a stingy man either - because I am FAR FROM STINGY.

I don't want from a man what I am not giving to a man.  I want from him what I am giving to him.

lovedgal:
Excellent Talina, A give and take scenario usually plays itself out eventually, And I especially like the part where you explained that he felt your stress,


I would offer and insist to help my man when I feel he needs and am well able to, Not when I choose to, That feeling is fulfilling as a human being, being sensitive to one another

That is what we have been talking about all along - but the majority of these NUMBSKULLS can't see it, taste it or touch it. They are off on A WHOLE DIFFERENT PLANET in regards to the thread.

^^^^

That is a "real man" - now let me add to your story - I wasn't in a financial fix - but out of the clear blue, with no prior discussion, my guy wanted me to invest some money for him and he transferred from his account to mine a sum of almost $10,000.00 USD into my account and he asked me to purchase some items and send them to him for resale in Nigeria.

When he did this - I coincidentally had a need for $3,000.00 USD to cover a purchase for materials to finish a job on behalf of a client in the Washington DC area.  So I used 3 of the 10 to take care of that purchase and once the client paid into my account for the job the following week - not only was I able to send the items to him using his money - but I also transferred an amount almost equal to the $10,000.00 back into his account - money that we use in our business(s) that we have now combined - his in Lagos and mine in the U.S. We have now combined businesses.

We have been doing this for each other ever since then.  There is no Ashewo or Mugu that we attach to assisting one another.  It is honest and pure on both of our behalves.  We have found that in regards to money - we can definitely trust the other.

@ All 4 Naija - ahahahahahahah - yes - OK

@ Lovedgal - the posters are habitually changing words that women post.   Then they are running with the changes.  It is normal in this thread - their efforts to push their agendas.

Did Shy-One Say the following?

I will have s.ex for money?
I will jump from one man to the other if the 1st guy doesn't satisfy my money requirements?
I only will give birth if I am being paid?
Men should pay my bills?

NO, NO, NO AND NO

But if you listen and read what the guys are saying I said - a reader will assume that I definitely said those things.  They do and have twisted words - taken what we say as expecting men to pay our bills, etc, etc, etc,   Then compared us to Ashewos or to being lazy or to being jobless or to being demanding or to being expecting a man to do this or expecting a man to do that.

First - I help my men - that's what I do and in turn they help me - the order of who does it first?  IS IRRELEVANT - we just know that it takes money to make the world go around and we help each other out - especially since we are planning marriage.  If we were not planning marriage - we wouldn't be operating with each other on that level.

@ Lax
 
My apologies if I misheard or misunderstood your intentions and/or your implications.  Also, now that you have broke it down to the level in which you have portrayed your response -  I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YOU AND I AGREE WITH YOU AS WELL.  I too don't date broke men or jobless men or constantly nagging men who are never pleased, etc,

Again, my apologies.

@ Debosky

Let me re-state this clearly to you:

GO BACK AND RE-READ.

You have it twisted - you must not have read a large majority of her responses - you need to re-read them you must have gotten lost in all the mud slinging my friend. 

The thread MUTATED AND EVOLVED into men pulling their past experiences with women who used them and those same men MUCKED up and confused honest women with those who "use their mates and leave them" - they then called anyone who looks for money AS USERS and dubbed women Ashewos and Men who extend money are seen as "Mugus"

Culture definitely plays a huge role in that - what is seen as normal for us - is seen as some form of negative usage for you.

My analogy on Children was directed at MBJ who misunderstood my equating his Kobo thought process - he said all women need to pay equally in a relationship as a man pays - my response was that child care and child feeding (Breas.tfeeding - can't be done by a  male so where is the equality?) - additionally he added more crap and ON HIS OWN HE REVISED THE BREA.STFEEDING COMMENT I MADE TO MEAN that I am expecting a man to pay me to birth or pay me to s.ex. That was his smokescreen to retain and hold on to his STINGY WAYS and to AVOID ANSWERING MY QUESTION. 

Now you who have done no real reading to keep up - you are posting this BS -  A BLIND MAN LEADING A BLIND MAN.

ANOTHER poster running his MISREAD and making it out to be what NO ONE MENTIONED.  Do you read?  And if you read - how well do you read?

debosky:
Don't get it twisted - people came down hard on you when you started making ridiculous comparisons between spending money and taking care of a baby and intimate relations. Anyone who equates such things is liable to be called some unsavoury names. Real women will NEVER equate such things.

If you recognised you made an error and acknowledged it, then people would move on.

No one is against mutual assistance, but that is clearly[b] not what this thread is about[/b] - the girl is talking SOLELY about collecting money from the guy, not seeking ways to mutually assist each other.

Again, you are either an immature, naive person or just talking about things you simply do not know about.

It's like someone saying if you don't engage in intimate relations at the beginning of a relationship, the marriage won't be any different. 

This is completely untrue - the fact that you do not spend at the beginning doesn't indicate anything automatically. It all depends on the reason behind your not spending. If you are avoiding spending in order to build the relationship properly on the PEOPLE involved and avoid the distractions of money, then there is every reason., after the relationship is well established, that spending money will happen.

Let me also say this - there are NUMEROUS examples of men spending money, moving heaven and earth just to woo a woman, and once they have her in marriage, they just shut down completely, and stop spending. It will be utterly foolish of any woman to believe just because someone spends money before marriage that is an indicator of what will happen afterwards.

Sadly much of the female commentary here is grossly immature or just not based in reality. I just hope for your sakes that you don't meet men that will exploit this immature thinking to do you great damage.

Everything you have stated here is THE EXACT OPPOSITE in my relationship and I have not been dubbed an Ashewo and he has not been dubbed an Ashewo. Like I said - your experiences with women have twisted your views to think that everyone operates on the level to which this thread has dissolved.

^^^

they came down hard on me?

that is their business - it affects me not ONE WHIT - I could care less

You have it twisted - you must not have read a large majority of her responses - you need to re-read them you must have gotten lost in all the mud slinging my friend.