₦airaland Forum

OK - thank you 190

I am not going to go into much detail - but I am hurting and I need some help - I don't want my friends or my family in my business

This forum is a great place to get thoughts from others

Am I selfish to want more?  Am I unrealistic?  Am I stupid?  Or do I just not know how to handle a relationship?

I don't give advice - I give suggestions and I give feedback of my thoughts to situations - but I am human too and make mistakes ALL THE TIME

@ Ogugua

Thank you - I am not sure if it can be rekindled - because rekindle many times just means - a temporary fix to WHO HE ACTUALLY IS AS A PERSON

His wife died and he hasn't had to wine and dine anyone for a consistent length of time and I now even wonder if he actually saw "romance" in the same way as I view "romance"

I am wondering if our culture differences will be too many to overcome.

I know that we live in 2 different countries - he is in Naija and I am in the U.S.

I know that Lagos has alot of issues with public services (water, electricity) etc.  The U.S. has issues of extreme cold and overpriced housing, very expensive to live in this country.

But I don't care - I have to live with myself and be happy with myself and I won't be happy with someone who is a person of strict routines and sees romance as something to engage in only in the "dating" period of a relationship.

I think that if romance starts to sizzle and marriage hasn't yet occurred - it is an indicator of what the marriage will be like as well.

NL what do you think about this?  So Ladies - I need your advice - do you care about keeping romance alive in your relationship or is it ok for it to die down and just being a person of routine is what you expect out of a marriage - you go to sleep, you go to work, you go to church and the special moments and times are fewer and fewer the longer you are together.

Are women OK with this happening?

I have to be honest with myself - maybe its a fairy tale that I'm looking for - but this is my life right? A spark has to remain in my love life, It doesn't matter if the Love is 5 minutes old or 80 years old - it isn't optional - even during routines such as work, family or challenging interactions between us - you still need to make me feel those golden feelings that make me laugh and blush, that only you can do - if I am the only extender of feelings - I can see my way out. Can you say Romance 101?

NL - I am having to re-evaluate my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much but I am having a change of heart. I am rethinking whether or not I want to take this to the next level. Or pull out now and just remain friends to save both of us heartache and trouble.

Romance is more important to me than food. I need your advice.

First - let me say that if you don't like to read - this isn't the thread for you - keep it moving - let the door revolve - so walk in and turn around and walk out - please don't let me stop you.

I really need some help - from those that have honest words or opinions or strategies that I can learn and use in my life. Also THIS IS LONG - so don't waste bandwidth reposting this in your answer I BEG YOU - just if you are responding to me and not to each other - just say: @ Shy


Here is the Question - Can Love Really Conquer All? And if so, How? What Would You advise me to Do?

I really care deeply for him and I am really considering taking this relationship to the next level with him - but I just don't know if it will be a waste of my time and end in heartbreak - Should I move on from the relationship as it is now (his is my boyfriend) and should we just be friends and nothing more on a personal level?

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We are very different and that difference is affecting the Love we Have For Each Other

Him:

Regimented - Goes to bed at the same time, Rises at the same time, rarely breaks free from these self-imposed boundaries

Routine - Eats the same cuisine (rarely tries anything different and doesn't have the desire to try anything different) and he even went to another country on vacation but still only frequented Nigerian restaurants - though he was surrounded by hundreds of different restaurants from different countries - he didn't even try other types of food.

Soccer - won't miss a game - even if he has to put our conversations on hold - he will focus on his Soccer and His Soccer Game and then focus on me when the game ends.

Work/Drive - when he is at work or when he is driving - he doesn't want to talk on the phone unless it is brief and it is business (he owns the company) - when we first started dating - he would talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, laugh, laugh - it didn't matter if he was at work or driving - where-ever he was, he would be so excited and we would talk and laugh and talk and laugh - now we only talk at the end of the day everyday. By then he is so tired, he is falling asleep or not as attentive to the conversation

Physical Activity - When he rides a bike - he rides in a bike that is pulled by others - when he exercises - it is 10-20 minutes a day, everyday at the same time.

His View - He see hierarchy as "acceptable" - example: His car had a flat tire, he called a mechanic (waited on the guy to arrive to change the tire for him). New/Different machinery - We are focusing on expanding our current operations (skills and mission), when we were talking about our roles he wants to maintain his current position without adding additional competencies - he wants to hire ADDITIONAL people around him to operate the equipment, while he continues to focus on getting new clients and managing the current employees and just hiring new ones. He doesn't want to learn to operate or to operate any of the equipment.

Religion - he is an active (very) member of RCOGC and part of the "elders group" as well - he doesn't miss a Sunday, a Saturday planning meeting, special services, etc. He knows the bible in detail - knows what scripture, book and page

Very Traditional in "the old views" as well - when it comes to men and to women - but he also has a youthfulness about him that is very, very refreshing and people of all ages love him and are comfortable speaking with him and spending time with him. He has an understanding of people and their plights and different lifestyles and is a very outspoken person.

Clothing - he loves Italian this, Italian that - when he buys clothing items (which is rare)

Money - believes in saving 95% of his profit - spends very, very, very little. Does everything to maintain a very frugal outlook and projects that to others.

THEN THERE IS ME - in many instances, EVERYTHING HE IS - I AM THE EXACT OPPOSITE

Me:

Impulsive - On impulse I will pick up the phone and talk - there is no "certain time of day other than NOW", I will try a new food and get the recipe and cook it the way it was taught to me and then make adaptations to that recipe and add my own twist and create new dishes from that original dish, learn a new language (grab books, dvds and enroll myself in , question new ideas and test them for effectiveness, teach myself and others how to operate equipment that is new and/or foreign to me)

I will walk into a situation that others deem dangerous and full of risk and all I see IS POSSIBILITY AND OPPORTUNITY

Television - rarely watch TV - but when I do, I love watching fashion oriented programs or sitcoms that make me laugh

Physical Activity - Because I work so hard and long (I didn't go outside for the last 10 days to even see the sun because I had to finish a book for a client) so when I work out - I could be outside for 2-3 hours straight or longer and then keep that pace for 10 days straight. Then I will only wear exercise clothes everywhere I go because I like to incorporate stretching into all that I do.

Religion - I don't attend church regularly - I see it as a building at many times, full of people that a few sincere searchers of truth - the majority hypocrites/judgmental of every acts BUT NOT THEIR OWN - I love God and see God everywhere I look - nature (I will talk to the birds while I walk), I deeply believe that you create your own universe by how you treat yourself and others. You write your own present and future - what you do to others, you immediately have done to yourself

Clothes - 2 closets full - but I wear the same thing everyday - exercise clothes - love their comfort - if I love it, I will buy it - from 2.00 to hundreds of dollars - to me everything on the planet is Italian in importance from generic to designer

Money - is meant to be SPENT - big baller, shot caller - you can't take it with you when you go - hold on to enough to be comfortable and to provide for your basic needs - both current and future - but the way the banks are collapsing and investments unstable - if you don't spend it - others will spend it for you in different ways (how many stock markets have crashed and everyone on the planet has lost milions? My question is where in the hell did it go? It was in the bank so how did it leave the bank?)

My View - flat tire? oil change? New/Different equipment? - From flat tire, to car wash, to old wiper blades and oil change - pull out the rubber gloves and get bust some suds. Do it yourself. I don't have the time to waste or money to throw away by standing in the middle of the road waiting on a mechanic - pull out the car jack - jack it up and change the frigging tire MAN.

I have worked with and had personal friends who were and are millionaires - they don't call road service - they get out and change it themselves - they also work elbow to elbow with their employees everyday - getting their hands and backsides dirty - these white and black men. There is no hierarchy until they get to the board room or to the bank or at home in their personal surroundings or when entertaining or dining out - then you know who they are - from the cut of the cloth of their suite you know them.

So for those of you who stuck with the reading what are your thoughts? How do I overlook these MAJOR DIFFERENCES? I really adore THIS MAN - I ADORE HIM - but we see things so differently. I am due to arrive in Nigeria in the next few months - I am hoping that our closer, physical proximity will show more similiarities and shed light on many areas where we can share more common views and/or COMPROMISE.

@ Tosin:

Don't be sorry - you didn't do anything

Yes - he is my boyfriend - I am opening a thread - I am working on it now - I need some advice - I am frustrated - I will post it in a few moments

@ Tosin

No - I don't celebrate those kind of things, my husband is dead so he is probably interacting with the 9/11 victims already and collectively they are doing their own celebrations I am sure along with bin Laden. They are all celebrating together right now as a group.

Nobody wants to bomb Indiana - I wish they did - maybe we can rid ourselves of some of these empty buildings in the area and focus more on the landscape.

OK - I am going to open another thread - I need you guys advice on another matter.

Google Says:

Kirikiri is a prison in Lagos and currently 27 inmates want to leave

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/5716464-147/story.csp

IT looks like a nice building from the photo

But what are the conditions at Kirikiri like I wonder?

You know I rode in a police car once - it was quite interesting.

@ Tosin

Your wit is to be marveled

Tosin you are very witty and you think on deep levels - ooooo - ok

SO let shy-one piece this together,

Black and yellow, Indianapolis forest, Omaha Nebraska (bearded ones)

Got it now,

Please forgive me for the "blunt" referral - my bad. For getting naughty.

So let me be nice and say thank you to you my friend.

@ Mynd

See - this is why I love you guys so much

You are soo right - thank you for reminder

@ Tosin

There is no such thing as Indianapolis Forest, You are funny my friend, very, very funny.



@ Mynd

Please - what is KiriKiri?

@ Chima

Male Chatterers? This is for the women.

Tosin

Abeg put the blunt down and back away.

@Iya and Tpia

I completely agree with you.

Happy, Happy Saturday Everyone

You ladies know you love this

Happy, Happy Saturday Everyone

@ JK

oooo OK - I never saw it before - I am loving it

I like it - I thought it was a very good one

I laughed so hard

it was so sweet don't you think so?



Oh yeah Let the Good Times roll!

I posted this in the romance section as well - it is so priceless that I wanted to post it here too.

For all the single ladies in a hurry to get married, here's some advice.

RUTH patiently waited for her mate BOAZ. So while waiting on your Boaz, do not settle for any of his relatives , Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz , Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz and especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz!!

I don't know the author of this post,

I just love it - don't you?

For all the single ladies in a hurry to get married, here's some advice.

RUTH patiently waited for her mate BOAZ. So while waiting on your Boaz, do not settle for any of his relatives , Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz , Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz and especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz!!

I had to post this - another one of my Face book Friends - I don't know the author,

Ladies, I just love it, don't you just love it too?

Rubbing alcohol - put in a spray bottle and spray on contact - it burns them - they die immediately - any brand

then dust the house with powder boric acid - cheap any brand

they are dead everywhere the next day and if you see any still alive - spray the live ones with rubbing alcohol

All for less than 5.00 or 10.00 USD

@ star

I'm not married - but I have been married and my husband helped me with weight loss, maintaining that loss and toning when I was married- we walked together, bought matching bikes and biked together for very long distances - our bike rides would last 1 hour most times and at least twice a week we would bike for 2 hours at a time. He didn't threaten on any level - none of my posts has been of a threatening level - THEY WERE FACTUAL. I have always enjoyed working out ALWAYS.

Let's get real here - risking my marriage by presenting myself in an unhealthy manner WASN'T AN OPTION - having children isn't an excuse. My husband was important enough to me for me to "get it together."

I also enjoyed my husband being able to lift me as my enjoyment for athleticism also followed us into the bedroom. I wanted to be able to make him laugh, make myself laugh and I wanted our o.rgasms. to be mutually satisfying to us both. I didn't want him losing interests in me because of something that I could actively change - which is my body shape. He turned me on completely and I wanted to turn him on completely as well.

Being fat, too thick, out of shape WASN'T AN OPTION for me or for him.

I completely agree with Skii

I definitely was married FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS. And we were together "til death do us part." Women and men who get out of shape and stay out of shape without bothering to really focus hard on doing something about it - are ignoring their vows as far as I am concerned. Why would you jeopardize your marriage by not pulling your own weight in the relationship? And I mean that literally. Pull your weight in a form in which you can carry it easily. If you are huffing and puffing, dragging your large behind around. Why in the world would you think your partner would be ok with that and/or that it wouldn' t negatively affect your relationship in some way, shape or form?

I know - you are so right

It isn't romantic

But I didn't know where to post the thread

I thought it was hilarious and wanted to post it and I only post in this section or the properties section or the equipment section

I know the moderators will put it somewhere

I just didn't know where to put it. So I will just have to wait for them to move it. I wanted you guys to see this. I thought it was funny.

I hear all the time that black people are scam artists.

When I was in high school - I worked for a clothing store - A Huge Chain - Called L.S. Ayres and it was on the same scale as Macy's or Hudson's - a step under Lord & Taylor's.

The Head of Security who was a White man - told me that more whites in this country are caught stealing than any other race in America.  Yet, I was always told that blacks were the main perpetrators.

When I saw this photo by one of my FB Friends - I laughed so hard and the words came rushing back to me - what the Head of Security said to me some years back.  Nigerians - whenever you are able to visit the U.S. - be careful of people that you see - no matter their color.  It isn't just blacks that scam.  Some of the biggest crooks and most common ones are whites as well.



https://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/319117_2354723556163_1492437827_32759203_481193106_n.jpg

@ Poster

I love this what you say - it is soooo sweet.

Shy-One loves it and truly enjoyed reading your prose. Brought warm, loving feelings to my thoughts. Thank you.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=553419.msg9080209#msg9080209 date=1315194297]Your arse isn't innocent Lax75!   

Shyone, I tried to make the slaughter less bloody and messy but it didn't work.  My bad.  [/quote]Chima - that is ok - it is all water under the bridge and quite pointless now.

I know that you get caught up in the heat of the moment (as have I as well on other threads but I am trying hard to change that) and really many writers do pick with you alot.  I don't know where this all went wrong or who is still upset from a previous thread or even if alot of it is said in jest and fun.  But the topic is now dead and buried.

While off topic - I hope you are advancing well and are taking care of yourself for the little one.

Chima:

"Eat my nuts?" I don't even know what to say.

What did the other guy say to you?

He said "fry them"

Those will be visuals I will not be able to release from my head for quite some time to come.

Chima - what in the world is NL going to do with you? What are we going to do with you my friend.

Lax75:
They are like a twister that runs through a peaceful town.      You gotta love em though

I don't know where you came from - but you are right - thank you

I just scrolled back 3-4 pages which is where I last read and commented - they have done a WWF tag team approach to ruining my poor thread.  I feel like crying.  They tore it apart completely off topic.  I do have to admit that I was actually laughing quite a bit.  Even though i didn't want to laugh.

My goodness.  

Moderators please, please lock the thread they have ruined the topic.  I want everyone punished to the fullest extent of the law.

Good Grief

What have you people done to my poor thread?