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Not sure exactly what the hell you are talking about, But thanks for the heads up.

@OP

How long have you been together?

One argument too many, too heated and your name turns from my wife to "MY NIGGA."

White men can be quite abusive as well, they are well versed in foul words and fast fists as much or worse than a black man. Who can forget Mel Gibson, Judge William Adams (beats his daughter, we can only imagine what he does to his wife).

If things ever get out of hand between the two of you, routinely and traditionally speaking let's see who the police will believe. Not trying to put you off from that WHITE LOVER OF ALL TIMES who you are waving around for all to admire but hey - ya never know, http://www.conservativecrusader.com/articles/chgo-sun-times-violent-white-men-not-held-accountable-for-their-actions,

perchance, where are you and your "white is right - ball and chain planning to reside"? The U.S. or the U.K.? Be careful that you don't choose an all white neighborhood in an area that has no diversity. Your longing for home will make your head spin. It will speed up your "longing for those who look like you."

Most races, will love you yet still can hold hatred about "where you come from, including your family." Are you nerves wound tight? Year in and Year out, you will have to keep at bay, his words dropped here, there and everywhere that might be race-laced about you, your choices, your likes and dislikes, he will have a tendency to associate who you are as being a "person of color--so now I see that black people like this and black people like that" vs. seeing your choices as just "who you are."

Let's hope and pray you aren't the first black person he has dated. If you are his very first toe-dipping pilot-project, be prepared to have to repeatedly and constantly edit/explain --- him, his words, his actions and his deeds --- to yourself and to everyone you know. You dream come true will dim and fade as it could very well evolve into a living nightmare. As you introduce and educate your white knight with what is and isn't acceptable in his action, words and deeds with your friends, family, acquaintances and whatever he does with his own circle when you are in their presence.

He also will not favor, nor sympathize much with your cultures "special needs." Maybe in the beginning to impress you as he might be excited about your newness and your culture. As time goes by, expect to see that He won't see the necessity in helping family (Unless he is a White Nigerian, but it doesn't sound like it). Many whites are very "nuclear" - they concern themselves with immediate "under the same roof family members," not many are into extended ANYTHING, Grandma is acceptable to help, but Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc. Maybe they will help but once the requests are too frequent and continuously add up. He will divorce you and your family. I encourage you to sign a prenup that will at least provide for your upkeep and maintenance when he dumps you and your over-confidence touting "White Men are Better Than Black Men."

White men as the "so-called superior race" - can be as traditional as your Nigerian brotherhood and even worse, be prepared to happen upon the fact that secretly he believes he knows everything and you "know nothing" - because NOT ONLY ARE YOU A WOMAN, but you are a black woman to boot, he still holds a certain inherent idea about your color/race. Very similar to a large percentage of white woman who date black males (not all white woman but a large percent of white women are this way especially those who are educated and come from money, they want that black male in their bed, but when making decisions about them and their finances, you will soon find out who is "really in charge and refuses to give over the reins"

The majority of what he does that is "family related" such as real estate purchases, vehicles, etc, will flow with his likes and dislikes and he will provide reasons to justify why--unless you are bringing in a large % of income, be prepared to be treated as someone who when "hard decisions are to be made" you should agree, say very little, and just enjoy the ride. I have found white men to be very bull-headed, though you are well-versed in many areas, he can and will naturally assume that he excels in all areas, whatever you do, he can do it better. Though he will give you the kitchen, laundry room, bedroom and grounds (Outdoors). When his friends and family come over, if you are too ethnic, prior to their appearing, he will even take over in those areas----especially if you have a stair-climbing white male as appearances are everything to many of them.

Enjoy your white male, but realize that EVERY RACE houses men that are desirable to "women" - because personally, I like my meat well-done, blackened, educated, treats women well, but is masculine in every sense of the word. Black men look younger longer, can associate with the struggle of being "black." I love all people, but I have been around whites my entire life and have many white friends and some white family members. In my bed and between my thighs and in the shower it has to be black skin I see---Casper the friendly ghost sharing my sheets is NOT AN OPTION. i don't like the nauseous smell of caucasians when they are wet and when they sweat, they have a very different scent.

Nothing wrong with it, if you enjoy it. I just cannot stomach the smell because it is too different and smells so much like wet dog (their hair). YES, It can be masked with shampoos and perfume, but I don't want to have to spray the air in my own home every time my mate climbs from the shower. I love my black men, REALLY DARK ONES. Their rippling muscles, silky smooth skin, rich laughter, shining, glossy eyes, white teeth, NICE SIZEABLE extremities, intellect, quick thinking.

Ain't nothing like HOME. I LOVE HOME.

I will need a house help, please can someone share with me how to go about this?  I will be very grateful to you.  I will need an older woman who can cook and can clean and can train me on how to cook and clean with the items that are sold in Nigeria.  I will need an older woman who can go with me to market and show me "how to go to market and what to do while there, how to negotiate and how to select."

I will be very grateful to anyone for any direction and advise they can give to me.  How much to pay such a person.  Lagos based.  Also, I will need her to school me on what is an isn't acceptable in the environment.  (i.e., words, mannerisms, etc.)  She must be able to speak basic English, she doesn't have to be overly educated, just able to communicate with me.  I need her to be able to educate me to the culture.

I prefer her to be an older woman who has a husband and children. (30 years old or older)  I want someone who needs help, we can exchange services and I will pay her money as well.  I can school her and she can school me.  I need someone who I can grow to have a very long connection to, as I will be traveling back and forth from U.S. and Nigeria.  I want someone that I can grow to trust to be loyal and honest and she can trust me that I will not mistreat her and that I will treat her well and will pay her promptly.

Abeg, I do not mean to derail, but the Federal Ministry of Transportation's website has been hacked.

http://www.fmt.gov.ng/index.php

http://www.fmt.gov.ng/index.php

Naija Cyber Hacktivists have hacked the Federal Ministry of Transportation's Website.

Outstrip:
Any woman who says she is staying with an abusive cheating husband for her child is a liar. She is doing it for herself. A situation like that is worse for the child so you cannot say it is for the child. Their real fear is starting over again or as someone here put it "finding worse" if she leaves. That should be enough for anybody to know that she is doing it for herself. She wants to feel safe even at the cost of her dignity and the future of the innocent child. I wonder what a message a clearly resentful and bitter woman will send to a child that sees and understands clearly what is going on.

^^^^ Seconded, Third, Fourth, Fifth. The unadulterated TRUTH!!! Amen and amen again.

I AM SICK OF FAMILY!!!!

God, give me the strength to deal with these people!!!!!  JEALOUSY in the family, they kill me oooooo!!!!  Help me, it hurts so deeply.

Strangers I don't give a SHYTE for a stranger to hate me.  But family tears my heart out of my chest.  I cannot wait to get away from these people.  Keep me Lord, please keep me, protect me in the midst of it all.  They love me to death and don't know how to communicate, screaming, yelling, my head is ready to burst.  We are so different, maybe I am adopted and they are afraid to tell me.  They don't realize that if they tell me, It will be a BLESSING.

I will grab my bags, move forward and NEVER LOOK BACK.

Has anyone ever thought the guy is a jack azz. of the highest order, has some screws loose, is very difficult to live with and by his very act, has brought humiliation and shame to his family?  Where is his wife?  hiding in the house hoping all of this blows over and her husband will sit his backside down somewhere.

Let's hope he isn't as convinced as the man who just killed a child in the U.K. who believed the poor boy was possessed.  Why isn't this pastor in his closet praying? 

All of these fake prophets walking the earth.  Nothing is god-like about his presentation or his nature to himself or to his family.  Always telling women to pray, pray , pray - where is his faith and his prayer regarding his offspring?

His ego is soooo big it is burying him.  His ego and unforgiving nature has him printing posters and positioning them publically about his own child?  He who is without sin cast the first stone!!!! Hypocrite is thy name!!!

I don't care what his daughter has done, no one can tell me that he hasn't sinned himself - as a young man before he married or gave birth.  Who in their right mind wants a pastor that behaves like this guy?  He is unforgiving, unrelenting, crass in his disciplinary methods, his name is damn.ed, if he think that his God will approve of him casting off his own child to save his name.  Damn,  him and his name.  He should be on his knees for his daughter and her welfare, if she isn't listening or is committing acts of atrocities, he should be getting to her - ministering to her versus printing her up and posting her as he has done.   

Maybe he has focused his attention more on his craft than on his own family, perhaps that is why he is having problems with his daughter.  How does he minister to his flock of congregants?  Maybe that is the whole problem, his own family are examples and objects to help him achieve success - and instead of just loving them and being "Daddy" - he plays "Father" to and loves his congregants====he doesn't know how to love his own family.  He should step down and care for his family, his wayward daughter and stop giving all of his time and love to his congregants and others.

How can you shepherd your congregants and not have control over your own home?  He should blame himself and not her.  HE IS THE PROBLEM and it is evident in the method that he has chosen to parade her in front of our eyes as he has done.  He is shameless.

Father, Please open his eyes so he can see. For his sake and all involved.

Ify, Chair and Coogar - I agree completely

Personally, I would be devastated and SICKENED knowing that my mate is cheating.  I would just beg for deliverance from the situation.  Take it away from me - him and them.  I just cannot stomach being in the same space, bed, home, room, marriage with someone who would humiliate me to that level. 

I could care less how anyone saw me, I know what I would see looking in my own mirror, staring back at me.  It is a feeling of worthlessness that I would succumb to, knowing that I would have to share someone who took my hand in marriage in front of a community and now I have to share him with different members of the same community.

I have to be able to stomach and live with myself before I could live with him or wonder how the neighbors feel about me.  I can recover from a divorce.  I couldn't recover from infinite self-hatred and vile/bitterness I would shoulder every time I looked around every nook and cranny of the home I had to clean, sleep in, etc,  having to share it with a cheater.  Who has cheated me out of my shoes, my house, my marriage, my sanctity-peace, my everything and given it over to another woman.  Those would be the thoughts I would occupy as I watched him preparing for work every morning ,  watching me with his fake smile and talking to me with his empty words,  as I watch that Judas preening and posturing in our mirror.  In his mind I am just there to assist him in a world of "his making."

^^^

We are all spiritual AND I aggressively and actively claim my spirituality and at the same time while claiming it, I also give it back to it's maker - God.  God gave us DOMINION on this earth.  We can claim our dominion over the pandora's box of activity that comes in the forms of: loneliness - dis-ease - injury - illness - unemployment - fear - anger - attack by others and attack by ourselves (you can attack yourself by being a host or hostess to fear and dis-ease in your thought, actions and words)

or you can say ENOUGH

and bow out and turn your words, thoughts, attention and actions to that of your maker.  If God wants me to pay attention to him, he has to help me empty my life so that I can, I have to put distractions (illness, dis-ease, unemployment, arguments, misunderstandings, fear, etc.) to the side and not get caught up in Bull Shyte so I can focus on my Shyte, my walk, my talk, my mission that God has sent to me.  Every single one of us are CALLED to serve God on one level or another.   I can't adequately serve God if I live in pain, can barely walk.  This relationship with God is 2-way.  I have to do my part and I expect God to meet me ----- I need God and God needs me.

Ask Jonah, God needed Jonah and kept him in that belly of that whale until Jonah did as he was told to do.  God didn't pass over Jonah and say because Jonah isn't listening I will turn to someone else.  No, God needed Jonah and he forced Jonah to turn to him. 

God needs each of us, God needs me and I needed God to "image forth a healing" on my body (Basically your thought sees that healing before it hits your body).  I had to be open to it, believe that it would occur and EXPECT TO SEE IT OCCUR and actively work from that basis.   I had to be aggressive in my expectation that God is and has already handled my healing and I would and could not accept ANYTHING LESS.

I love these type of stories - because truth is:

You live by the sword, you die by the sword.

Whatever you do to others, comes back on you.

When he goes to prison, he will find the "devil" everywhere he looks. Those inmates HATE, HATE child molesters, child abusers, child killers.

He will join the one he accused and killed - sooner than later.

To the one murdered by the i.diot - my love is with thee alway.

Ivynwa:
@Perx
Girlfriend all these happened to show us what an indomitable spirit you have inside of you.
You shall not die dear, you shall live. When all this is over you will look back and be blessing God.
It is not good to get a bit rude sweetheart but we understand how you feel and you already
admitted to your mistake and corrected yourself. We all love peace and want to see you get the
help you need and recover quickly.


@Madam Chaircover
Madam you earned my respect again and again. I salute you for the way you brought on warm
sunshine like milk into this thread even though negative vibes did not allow that sun to shine out in the thread.
I was so wishing for a cool spirit to come into the thread then and thinking of
how to bring in that warmth but did not see.

When a good spirited person speaks one can't help but know that.
_{When the voting was going on, i wished for some other nairalander to win and smile because you
have won before but when I came across the way you advised a "troubled woman" very tactfully
in a thread during the xmas holiday----I gave it up to you then and voted for you as my candidates
were not nominated---lol. This is by the way.}

Please let us keep loving and supporting ourselves people, you amazing people are already doing
a great job in this section and changing lives. May God bless everybody. Amen o-o-o.

Perx, both Ivy and Chair's words - walk-the-healing-talk and can assist in producing healing for you.  When 2 or more are gathered in my name (God's name) can produce results for you.

Anything you want in life, the requirement to receive that request is to go to God in prayer, song, belief, faith, actions.  Keeping joy in the forefront of your thought and life at all times, from pillar to post, room to room, moment to moment. 

Regardless to the signs or to the claim of differing symptoms - believe that God is and will be a present help in your time of need.  I was diagnosed with spots on my lungs (I used to smoke cigarettes some years back) and was on a breathing machine, I got on both knees and belly in prayer and I look back now and almost had forgotten that this was a diagnosis and symptoms that were so frightening.  Can you believe that I forgot that healing?  I was definitely healed of that, because there was nothing the doctors could do and here I am - I almost forgot that healing - it seems like a distant memory, only remembering it now because I am contributing to the thread. 

Also, another healing occurred - I was diagnosed with "Degenerative Joint Disease - a crippling, progressive form of Arthritis" - I was 22 years old when that was seen on xrays and diagnosed - what young 22 year old do you know that has Arthritis to this level of progression?  In order for the "devil to flee from you - it is critical that you deny him."  Devil's are "anything that is unlike God" - they aren't just spirits - they can be actions, words, diagnosis of dis-ease; those too are Devils. 

I am in my 30s now.  I again, got on my knees and belly - prostrating myself to my maker, knowing he and he alone holds the key to my life, my movement, my joy (I am made in God's image - that image isn't prone to malignancies, to limb damage or disabilities or uneveness [one leg shorter than the other] - Perx shorten your stay with that image, stop discussing it, turn your back on that claim, put that devil in it's place and tell it to "get thee behind me." - Talk up your healing, God makes us even.  He makes us un-open to atrocities or ridiculous diagnosis or outcomes.  God doesn't make mistakes - I am not a mistake - I am God's image and God's likeness and all of it is good.)

----------------------------------------
God has a law of adjustment "Man lives by divine decree. He is created, governed, supported, and controlled in accord with the law of God. Law means or implies a rule that is established and maintained by power; that which possesses permanence and stability; that which is unchanging, unyielding, and continuous-"the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever." The efficiency of law rests entirely in the power that enforces it. A law (so called) that is incapable of being enforced is not law and bears no relationship to law. God is the only creator, the only lawmaker. "All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made." All the power, action, intelligence, life, and government in the universe belong to God and have always belonged to Him. He is the Supreme Ruler and does not share His power with another. 

When we understandingly declare that the law of God is present and is in operation, we have invoked or brought into action the whole law and the power of God. We have declared the truth, God's truth-and that truth of God is the law of annihilation, obliteration, and elimination to everything that is unlike Him. When we have stated this truth, and applied it, to any discordant belief with which we are confronted, we have done all that we can do and all that is necessary for us to do in the destruction of any manifestation of error that ever claimed to exist. Any Error (Error is a claim that something/anything exist outside of God), which has no place in divine Mind (God), claims to exist in human thought. When we have put it out of human thought, we have driven it out of the only place where it ever pretended to have a foothold, and thereafter to us it becomes nothing.

There is a law of God that is applicable to every conceivable phase of human experience, and no situation or condition can present itself to mortal (human) thought which can possibly exist outside of the direct influence of this infinite law. The effect of the operation of law is always to correct and govern, to harmonize and adjust.

Whatever is out of order or discordant can have no basic Principle of its own, but must come under the direct government of God through what may be termed God's law of adjustment. We are not responsible for the carrying out of this law. In fact, we can do nothing in any way to increase, stimulate, or intensify the action or operation of divine Mind, since it is constantly present, always operative, and never ceases to assert and declare itself when rightly appealed to.

All we have to do is to bring this law of adjustment into contact with our unfinished problem, and when we have done this we have performed our full duty. Someone may say, "How can the law of God, operating mentally, affect my problem, which is physical."  WE must know that all is God and seek God's presence everywhere we look - everywhere we walk and everywhere we talk.

The original definition of the word "disease" is lack of ease-discomfort, uneasiness, trouble, disquiet, annoyance, injury. "Disease," "is an image of thought externalized. The mental state becomes the material state. Whatever is cherished in human thought as the physical condition is imaged forth on the body." This also applies to heat, cold, hunger, poverty, or any form of discord, all of which are mental, though human mind regards them as material states. It can therefore be easily seen how the law of God, which is mental, can be applied to a physical problem."  (I am not the author,  of the above but I pay allegiance to those words and have received real healings from them as my actions fall in line with the authors)
------------------------------------------

Me, myself and I - we refuse to acknowledge or buy into fear or the fear of others when bodily ills, malformities or injuries present themselves to thought.  I have tested and found true in every sense of the word that God dictates, controls, governs my life and my limbs are here to follow suit in God's government--a government in which I reside that is all around me.  That includes the claim of pain, My God doesn't allow pain to know my name nor I to know pain's name and when pain tries to grab my attention and is screaming loudly.  It is my job to completely focus my mind and thoughts on joy, beauty, harmony.  Surrounding myself with classical and jazz music, artwork, I see God's magnificence everywhere I look.  Here is a client and VERY CLOSE FRIEND.  If you have a facebook account - request her friendship - she photograph's some of the most beautiful scenes - her artwork and photography brings joy to my mornings.  She finds the good in a drop of rain, a petal, a snowflake and flower.  The orb of the sun and its rays.  Just gorgeous.  (Facebook - the artist Wanakee Pugh)

Perx, if you have an email, I would like to send you some PDF attachments that would be very, very helpful to you.    t.rush@aol.com

My username on NL is Shy One but my real name is Tiara (it means Crown).

^^^

ahahahahahahahah - Oh my Goodness - ahahahahaha

Happy New Year - Negro, lolololol

ronkebp:
Sitting on the fence and watching as dem ladies dey tear body, ontop waiting kwanu? drinking coffee and taking a bite of munchkins, also sprinkling ''holy water'' on dem fighters, it is too early to start fighting women, let it go, what has happened has happened, we have misunderstandings to understand each other.  

I agree.

Ronke - I also agree with the rest of your post as well too   - me too, not trying to watch, but neither do I have the strength nor the desire to eat this type of "poison" this New Year.  When you join the fray you become part of the problem.  Also, my attention is being overworked with activities dragging me away that are outside of the cyberworld.  Because I waiting from emails from others, I see the announcements in my email from NL and when I have time I open them, most time I don't.  I haven't been on NL for almost 2 months or longer at the end of 2011.

@ Ivy

Check your email ooo.

maclatunji:
We shall be defined by our posts: Ladies words travel around faster and further than we can ever imagine- If you allow yourselves be consumed by hate it limits you and what you can achieve.

Jenny, they made you employee of the month- congratulations! However, have you ever thought you could be entrepreneur of the decade? Don't be deceived by ephemeral things that will fade away.  Seek to affect people's lives positively and not forcing your thoughts about them on them no matter how right you may be. #Respectthedignityofotherpeople

Busy_Body, your attempts at explaining your post to me shows there is something wrong with it. It is not beneath your dignity to accept that the way you constructed that post was wrong. I have apologised to you once and do so again if you feel offended. Show your more humane side. Being the way you are now adds no value to you. #Yesyoucan  

Jay bee these ladies are determined to e-annihilate themselves. I have tried several methods to defuse the tension but to no avail. They just want to suck us all into their vortex- I am seriously dismayed as you are.

Ivynwa, you self e don do now wetin? No allow devil use you O.

I have to say this, I am so impressed by you, I wish I had you as an instructor, I would have handled things very differently.  You are God sent ooooo.  Thank you for your posts.  You and Jaybee.

^^^
There's nothing to forgive, don't know what's funny, but glad you experienced some joy.

Happy Holidays to you and to yours.

ahahahahaha - lolololololol

Mac - you have outdone yourself - I truly applaud you. This thread should always be open - a great idea. Let's hope those who need it, will use it.

@ Mike

STFU = why you did not get a 2nd date.

Simple, I can without a shadow of a doubt, bet money that you rambled on and on and on and on when you took her out on the 1st date, people generally write in the manner in which they talk.

Here is a visual:  Sit across the table from this man during dinner, put a glass of wine in his hand, All you have to do as a woman is sit pretty, stay quiet and nod your head, he will carry the conversation and it will be about HIM the entire night and what he observes about you.  You don't have to say a word.

Mike needs to date himeself, they make a perfect match and are the perfect couple. I wonder what he allowed her to say after she said hello?

smh

@ Mike

STFU - abegggggggggggg

ahahahahahahahah

love it Coco very good reading.

Kambili:

You go to church, "they are known by their acts."   This too you know and you have read and heard come from the mouth of your pastor.

You have listed your lover's acts - ALL OF THEM

Church (attends with you because YOU ATTEND - had you not shown up - he would still be awol [desertion] from church)
Cheater
Good Father (son by a white woman)
Deadbeat Dad (girl by a black woman)
Illegal/Immoral Employment
Exploiter of women (he is living in your home using it as his new abode and base of operation)
Family Affair (He has brought his two-bit, big-spending, user of a sister - to leech from you and he is OK with this, but he claims he loves you)

****Now here is the kicker to this wonderful love story.

All of the above actions are NOW YOURS, because you continue to house him, continue to love him, continue to stay with him and come on NL, looking for affirmation to the obvious answer glaring and slapping you directly in your face.

Dear, really be honest with yourself.  You know we can't tell you anything.  That is why you have been upset with him, you upset with yourself.

You can cut your losses and move forward, you will have great job soon.  The little you have done for him and for her will pale by example to what you will be bringing into your home.  You can find someone with a winning personality, a fantastic-noteworthy piece of d, ick that you will be able to write home about, who will attend church with you, have legal employment and truly bring adoration to your table for you and for himself.  The current one isn't worth introducing to anyone.  So he sat in the pew next to you in church.  That reminds me of someone who has joined a conversation by sitting in a chair situated within a group setting but is texting nonstop on their cellphone.  They have just gone through the motions - they gave facetime - but their grade will reflect the lack of effort or attention they are giving to the subject.  But they have high marks with the person on the other line.

Your guy has high marks with his sister, he can support her greedy, selfish backside
Your guy has high marks with his son (The African Man Has Produced a Son and by a White Woman of German Descent, Hip Hip Hooray)
Your guy has high marks with being able to cover his a.zz (jumps from woman to woman to have a place to hide and lay out)

What do you have?  Stress, misery, aiding and abetting, your home and all of your activities could be under surveillance at this very moment, you are jeopardizing your freedom for someone who cares very little for you, do you have unprotected sex with this love of your life?  God forbid you receive an STD as gift for your labor.  The least of my worries if I were in your situation, would be to ask NL "questions re: your experience."  You are looking at trees when you are ensnared in a forest of molehills that are primed and ready to explode into mountains that will BURY YOU.

Do you have any more questions?  I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you to get inquisitive with the right questions AND DO IT in YOUR MIRROR, such as, "What kind of fool am I?  Why is Stu.pid stamped on my forehead?  I am on the ground lying prone while my man is kicking me repeatedly, why is my self-esteem this low?  I go to church and God clearly tells me what is and is not acceptable but I refuse to listen, why is that? 

I wish you luck and heartily pray that you will immediately get some resolutions going on in this 2012 so that your video has you screaming with joy versus the gnashing of teeth that is and will continue to occur the longer it takes you to replace that Beelzebub shape changer who resides in your home.  (he goes to church, that makes everything else right huh?)

You will eventually be what you eat, keep eating him and you will turn out just like him.  Then you will wake up hating men, especially Africans, you will dismiss the whole continent, but you on your own are continuing to like him, love him and phuck him, yet you are very much aware of him in all of his tarnished glory.

I am African American and my "fabric of being" was made up of having 2 parents who were teachers and when no blacks lived in Fort Collins Colorado - we did when blacks were uncommon in that area.

I am the very product in kind and in deed as the Poster's friend's 7 year old daughter.  I was there, been there, done it.  Now as a grown woman, I can reflect back to what helped me to deal with the outcome when whites touched my hair and poked fun at it or looked at me as being "odd" because of my skin color and hair texture.

Some posters suggested:

Outside activities
Talk with the Teacher

***Follow that advice, cling to it, it is correct.

Let me add a few as well:

Start attending the PTA at the school, get to know the parents and set-up "play dates" - they are unuse to "Black Culture" - by the parent, especially the mother involving herself in school activities, it will help the child immensely.  Other parents(white) will take an interest in black culture and expose their children, so the 7 year old won't be seen as an oddity.  This is also the type of conversation that should be had with the teacher.  The teacher will be open (most are) to influence from the parent.  The parent can suggest to the teacher ways to introduce "positive black culture and modern black culture" to the Class.  Such as Actresses/Actors/Musicians who are black - or those who are white that mimic "positive black culture."  You have alot of whites that get their hair braided who are popular with children and teens.  There are also black women who braid hair who can on 'show and tell" or "career day" - can bring in beautiful hair adornments/beads (the white girls will love it) and demonstrate the "French Twist" and Hair Braiding to the class.  That same day the mother of the 7 year old can bake cupcakes and bring punch for the class.  Her 7 year old can and will shine.  TRUST ME!  Also, hair-braiding is only one very tiny sample of any activity that will bring positive attention to the class.  The girl's father can demonstrate computer-usage in the form of a "new game" to the class that isn't ethnic related at all, just having someone "black" instructing the class in any area that is creative, new and different aligns the thought of the audience with a visual that is "active, fun, positive, enjoyable."  Hopefully you get where I am going.

NAACP - National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is in every town or nearby town.  It houses the creme of the crop in African Americans.  The majority of their members are educated and have grandchildren and children (quality) that you would want your son or daughter to be exposed to, as many of them are Career People in EVERY DISCIPLINE and have much influence.  The parent should join, attend meetings and expose her daughter to that group and set-up "play dates."  That is definitely an outside activitiy that the parent can involve themselves with, find a base of pride for their home, their activities, provide cultural awareness that the child can find pride and friends (outside of school). And expand that parent's base of operation, exposure and influence.

Also, there are many African groups in "white areas" as well.  Find a church or prayer group that is "African" - I encourage her not to just focus on African American churches - she should expand the horizon of both herself and her offspring - join that prayer group or gathering or church.  Alot of those churches have Africans from all over Africa - no one group in particular.  Have the mother join this as well.  She can bring her daughter and socialize on many levels (in church and without).

The daughter while acclimating to a white environment will elevate those around her and assimilate and many times will subconsciously de-value self if she isn't surrounded by those of her own group who will assist her with staying grounded and comfortable in her own skin.  She is beautiful and she needs stimuli that will reaffirm that knowledge on the daily.

That's my 6 sense anyway.

^^^^

Will check right now, did not check email the past days. You to, wishing you a happy New Year as well.

Loving your posts, your directives and advice. Keep em coming, Keep em coming!!!

I have no choice. I have to sign one. He has family and I have family, we are from 2 different countries and 2 different cultures. We will sign one in Nigeria and one in America - before we marry.

My primary concern is death, NOT DIVORCE. But whether it is divorce or death. A prenup will protect my family and his family so whatever happens between us, both of our families walk away with resources that will care for them for years to come.

If he is against it, I will marry someone who sees the logic in it and is acceptable of it. I've worked hard for what I have and so has he, TRUE LOVE isn't ignorant, nor is it careless, unwise or leave itself open to risky behavior.

My love for him and my love for self dictates that an agreement is put into place that will benefit both families in the event of divorce or death. If I have a man that cannot see the necessity for a prenup, obviously doesn't have my best interest at heart and isn't the man for me.

This is great information, it will be needed.

My Thanks to the contributors.

sophy09:
Kids of nowadays are very smart. You need to tell your kids the situation in a positive manner. There are cases of kids going to steal or selling themselves to prostitution just to help their parents. Some kids are not mature enough and may not understand what is going on but they want to help in anyway they can.

Seconded!

Ivy

I am soo thrilled for you, I am so happy for you, Yes, words are powerful.  You can malign yourself, it is very critical that a person be careful what comes from their mouth.

Everything that you wish on others, becomes your own prison.  That is SPIRITUAL LAW.  That is why I AVOID negatives and constant bitterness that I see others imbibe in without thought for tomorrow, unaware they ignorantly dig their own graves; yet they continue to go around emitting drama.  Their foulness they think they are directing at others, it bounces back and settles deep and ferments deeply in their own home.  What they put out of their mouth at others, settles back on themselves and their own household, mates and offspring.

When 2 or more are gathered, becomes your reality.  That is why the Bible stresses, when 2 or more are gathered "IN MY NAME" - In God's name.  Because God knows the SPIRITUAL LAW.  You can either talk up your blessing and your own demise and your own ruin.

I TOTALLY BELIEVE THIS and try to stay positive 90% of the time and it is reflected in my life, my blessings, my gifts, my healings, etc.

Kisses and hugs - girlfriend.  Kisses and hugs.

A happy New Year it will most definitely be.