₦airaland Forum

Lax75:
Strong is an understatement. The moment one posts anything that defiles Sister Chima's law, it becomes a war.  Sister Chima is SUPER emotional

Lax

I have told Chima that many, many, many times before - but I don't think she is listening.  She is pregnant and I think that her emotions are highly charged and I don't even think Chima really knows it.  Chima and I used to bump heads alot a while back but we seemed to be leveling out here recently.  But now - it seems we are at odds again all of a sudden[b]. For no reason - out of the clear blue[/b].

I think if she steps back and reads what she wrote in many, many threads a month from now - she will see it.  I was reading some stuff I wrote on different threads a while back and I thought to myself, "Wow did I say that" - "I need to calm down."

Now - Chima is going to charge me for saying this - and I'm not trying to attack her.  Anyway just because the thread got off - we need to get it back to the topic - it has only been off topic for a small while.

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=761794.msg9167854#msg9167854 date=1316298871]Just because I responded with two words poo AND bleep meaning I was emotional? Wow! You and Lax have a great skill of detecting emotions from posts.  Not.

While you was writing your book, five women wearing a mini skirt and revealing top were called whores.[/quote]OK - where did I mention poo and bleep - did you take time to read the book?  I don't really care if a thousand women were called whores - a LovePeddler it doesn't make them.

If I call you a LovePeddler - does it make you a LovePeddler?  NO IT DOESN'T - Why don't you re-read the post that you posted regarding whores - You made some strong statements - most strong statements are accompanied with emotions - that just factual.

Also no one talked about "revealing tops" - you can go to any nightclub and see people in "club clothes" that wear revealing tops - that still doesn't make them a LovePeddler - they are in the right setting to wear "club clothes" is what I call them.

Anyway Chima - just forget it - I am done with the conversation.  I wasn't trying to get into a slinging match with you.  Really.

To add to the thread

I have noticed that men seem to like women who have good etiquette for wives

As a girlfriend - they seem to love women who look a certain way but that doesn't necessarily mean that she will be taken as their wife - especially if she doesn't know how to act.

I cannot really comment on this from a man's point of view - because men definitely think different from women as I am finding out ALL THE TIME.

But I can say from a woman's point of view - that I want a man who knows how to act, who has etiquette - his looks come second to that. But I also know that looks are definitely subjective.

What turns me on in a man FIRST is his behavior, his views and his voice and how he smells.

I have seen some men that would be considered "not so attractive" by others - and he was a HUGE turn on to me. Also - as I am starting to get older - I am noticing that what I thought was attractive when I was in my teens and early 20s - now I don't value as attractive anymore.

I just love very masculine, deep voice, serious acting men. I am not turned on by men with high voices unless they sing in a very high voice - I like to hear that on a song but I don't want to sleep with it or date it.

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=761794.msg9167528#msg9167528 date=1316295768]Are you serious?  You mentioned just because a woman dresses such doesn't mean she a LovePeddler and I commented about appearance and first impressions.  

You just said because a woman wear a mini skirt and show her legs doesn't mean she isn't a LovePeddler.  So now it is about money?[/quote]uuuuhhhhh - I don't what you are talking about C - not sure how to answer - since I don't know exactly what you mean - and also see this is the 2nd time now you are asking about money, don't understand that continuously being brought up either -  

Also - I am reading further in the thread now - I see Lax mentioned emotions - Nothing personal against you at all - but you do sound quite strong on the emotions - I too thought the same way with the "LovePeddler Descriptions Given" - The word "LovePeddler is a strong word" - so let me just back out - we are all just giving thoughts and contributing.

My bad, sorry if I seem to be attacking you - It wasn't personal at you at all - just the analogy with "women being called whores or seen as being a LovePeddler because of their clothing"

In Monroe Louisiana in the summer - a very large number of women wear swimming suits, with high heel shoes and jewlery, makeup and perfume to restaurants to eat - white and black women - rich and poor - it's because of the heat element.  That has been going on for years.  They are not viewed as whores.  That is why I stated that - I was responding to the analogy - not attacking you as a person - I rely on your posts as you know - I've been grateful for your posts.

So let me make myself clear to you on that.  I am just giving my thoughts which are opposite that's all.

@ Mrs. C

If it went over my head - what were you trying to say?  Let me stand back - did I misunderstand - I also try to read the "Unstated Implications"

The post seemed as though you were saying how you initially present yourself can get a person labeled as a LovePeddler.  Did I not understand?  My apologies to you if I seemed to take it the wrong way.

Did I not understand you?

you added money to the point - you called them whores - remember?

ahahahahahah

also - Mrs. C - let's not confuse dancing joyously in church with what Brother Franklin does, ok?

Brother Franklin - does a running tuck and j;umps up some feet in the air into a forward roll landing on the ground - gymnastics style in front of a long line of people who are trying to make it to the offering plate to give their offering.

I will definitely move on if my man - starts acting like he is in "Barnum and Bailey" Circus while we are in Church - that isn't a judgment call - that is a Personal Choice I Need To Make for my Life and for my level of comfort.

Neither one of us were doing gymnastics when we met - and I sure as heck don't want you pulling that on me while we are in Church.  If he wants to do all that - he can go and get with someone who enjoys that type of grandstanding in front of crowds.

Again - I am out spoken on line and on a phone - but in an assembly and out in person - you will see that I identify very well with my online username "Shy One" - I will run in the other direction or fade into the crowd very quickly.

But I am not judging anyone that wants to act in that manner - I just choose to separate myself from that type of presentation.  Let's not confuse the two.

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=761794.msg9167363#msg9167363 date=1316294187]In that case, you was wrong about Brother Franklin and even stated that if your guy were to demonstrate such behavior (dancing joyous in church) you would leave him. 

What you said was no different than what the boys have said about you on the other thread.  According to YOU, you and the other guys were wrong. 

I am sorry what does fat bank accounts have to do with dress codes?     Everything isn't about money.[/quote]Again you are correct - I was totally wrong and I came BACK ONLINE IN THE SAME THREAD AND ADMITTED THAT I WAS TOO QUICK TO JUDGE after I researched the guy and his sincerity.

That is why I can tell you unequivocally that You SHOULDN'T BE QUICK TO JUDGE - a person' appearance or their behavior.

Their fat bank accounts didn't reflect the holes in their clothes - they looked poor but were millionaires.  I agree everything isn't about money - it seems like you didn't understand the example.  Sorry it went over your head.  I'll try next time to express myself better.

Lax75:
Nigeria is an extremely pretentious society where its all about "appearance." You will find some of the biggest whores in church, yet they don't wear micro-minis and dress like nuns.

Personally, I don't see nothing wrong with a woman dressing to flaunt her "stuff." It's her body. However, I don't really care for those that appear to be desperate for attention and do it to the point where its crying out, "look at me!" I'm more turned on by a woman that dresses in such a way that she is sexy, but only leaves abit to the eye as a "tease" but leaves the rest for the imagination.

But hey, that's me. And one man's treasure is another man's trash. Our people can be so darn judgemental and superficial. Yet behind closed doors they are into all sorts of mess, even more sinful than you imagine. The same ones that are quick to call a chick a LovePeddler because of how she dresses, etc, could be the same ones who kidnap and use body parts for rituals. And don't assume that it's just the men that would call these "risky dressers" whores. The women do it too. As much as the men. Same women who will be quick to judge another woman because of what she wears would be the same woman who is married and plugging her woli's brains out behind closed doors.

Bloody unbelievable!

100% CORRECT

Appearances in his environment and how it appears to be - IS OVERLY EXAGGERATED compared to where I am from, In Chicago and in NY - people just run past each other hurrying to get where they need to be so they are ON TIME - no one is even paying attention to what you wear unless the dress is sooooo short that the coochie or buttock area looks to be almost ready to hang out.  But I don't see that much - I'm sure the California area sees more of that then the Midwest or the East Coast regions on a percentage level.

Also I lived in the South where short dresses - everyone wears from married women, to young women, etc.  You aren't considered a LovePeddler because your legs are showing.

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=761794.msg9167312#msg9167312 date=1316293671]Too bad you disagree.  You was quite upset when MBJ and a few others said your posts on the stingy thread demonstrated an ashyho.  My point was proved on the stingy thread.  

You wasn't conducting a job interview.  First impressions doesn't always mean when someone see you for the first time.  It also mean the first impression they have of you when they see you or hear of you.[/quote]And YOU ARE CORRECT

And the end result is that "their impression was WRONG TOO"

That's why I said "first impressions" they are wrong - you need to dig and ask questions

I have met 2 really, really, really rich mentors and they wear holes in their pants, faded jeans, hands dirty with filth from working and a strong body odor from the heat of the sun - driving old trucks.

Their bank account balances would knock you off your feet it is LARGE.

mitofag:
^^
You are always in lagos "NEXT-MONTH"

lol

I agree with you - I am soo pathetic - aren't I? I just have to keep pushing it back - when I want to come, something always blocks it and I have to keep rescheduling. I am not visiting - I am coming to stay for awhile so much more planning and money is needed - I won't come unless I have what I need - hell let's hope it doesn't turn into November.

I want to be there for my birthday - October is a beautiful month -

I have seen alot of women who are poor - who wear short dresses because they are second hand or hand me down - that doesn't make them a LovePeddler - that's makes them someone who wears what is available to them to wear.

Also you have many women who lack home training and lack etiquette because they are out here trying to survive - their behavior can be quite questionable - but that doesn't make them a LovePeddler.

Who are we as a society to judge someone on "First Impressions" - strangers don't know each other so why are they living their lives to impress us, who are judging them inaccurately anyway because of our "poor perceptions of what REAL LIFE is anyway"?

mitofag:
Shy Girl,

Are you now in Lagos or back from Lagos?

Not yet - will be in Lagos next month

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=761794.msg9167179#msg9167179 date=1316292029]Appearance and behavior are the first impressions.  We all have judged people by their appearance and behavior.  Lets not get on the hide horse.  

If she dresses like a LovePeddler, a man will see her as a LovePeddler.  She doesn't need to sell toto to be a LovePeddler when it comes to visualization in a man's eyes.  Why would a self respected woman dress in a manner that give off the impression she is a LovePeddler?  That's contradiction.

Women today try too hard to attract or please a man that she will belittle herself even in appearance to attract or please that man ie dress whorish.  Sexy doesn't have to be trashy.  

The worse thing a woman can do is place VALUE on her body, mind, soul, and personality.  However if men are continuing to support the industry with toto purchases I don't see why whores wouldn't take advantage of it.  Its their bodies and they should accept whatever comes with it even death.  Real talk.[/quote]Appearance and behavior?  dress like a LovePeddler? Really?  You can't be serious with that remark - One man's trash is another man's treasure - REMEMBER THOSE WORDS Mrs. C.

Some religions in Nigeria look down on women who wear pants and you and I both know that is WRONG.

Wearing short dresses doesn't make a woman a LovePeddler - you didn't wear short dresses before you were married?  What behavior is whorish?  Living in a home alone?  That's whorish behavior - having drinks at a pub with other women who dress well too?  I just saw a picture of a man's wife cooking in her own kitchen for her husband wearing a short dress and she isn't a LovePeddler.

Also - a woman can wear a dress that is above her knee and other people can consider that being a "short dress"

Also - how much of a person's behavior do you have to observe for you to consider them a LovePeddler?  I have seen many people only glance at a woman and judge her where she stands and that is less than 10 minutes.

Don't be quick to judge - open a book before you start talking appearance and behavior.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS? This isn't a JOB INTERVIEW.

[quote author=john_blaze link=topic=761794.msg9167022#msg9167022 date=1316290599]see for yourself

http://blackenterpreurs..com/[/quote]I am not a fat girl who needs fat clothes - why did you post this?

ok

I just think that many women fall into that "visual"

Nice looking
flashy, attractive clothing
nice vehicles
live alone

basically when I VISIT - one of the writers just described me in that post - it is a false characterization and will have the person who assumes it to be so will be in LOTS OF HOT WATER if they assume this to be so and approach me on that level.

But from what I have heard - Lagos - frowns on women who "live alone" - that baffles me, totally - hard for me to wrap my head around that thought

From the family's home to the husband's home - that is "acceptable" for the environment

They want them to suck their parents dry until they land a husband - the woman could be in her 30s before she marries

hmmmmmm

mitofag:
In Lagos?

Women will be women everywhere - it matters not the location - prostitution is the oldest career on the planet. But pray we don't assume that all of us a prostitutes because we look good, have money, dress well and drive decent vehicles.

I know prostitutes exist but let's pray this thread doesn't discombobulate all women who meet the criteria as being a prostitute - don't approach your future wife thinking she is a prostitute - you might ruin your blessing.

I was reading one statement and the thought occurred to me that what if you are a "legitimate business career girl" and you live on the Island or in Lagos or Abjua and from reading this thread - others believe that you are a "Runs Girl"

Because you wear short skirts (cooler to wear in heat), drive a nice vehicle, live in a nice area and live alone or with a female roommate.

Let's make sure we aren't just jumping to the conclusion that everyone who falls in that category actually prostitutes themselves to the highest bidder.

You would be doing someone an injustice if you have that in your thought about them and approach them on that level - assumptions make an "As$s" out of the owner of that assumption.

Not exactly sure what to make of this thread.

just listening and reading

I'm in - please list my name under miscellaneous

This is up my alley - I am working on website design (2 of them) during this time.

I would love to be part of this project as well.

@ r231

I love this one too - keep them coming - some really good material

Thanks for sharing

@ r231

I love this that you posted - I sent it to my guy

@ horny4u

I appreciate your thoughts as well too.

^^^^^^^^



yes please - i want one of him for myself

@ op

I love this post of yours.

Can you clone yourself and spread yourself around to others? Your qualities are needed EVERYWHERE.

Very good post. I love it.

wow,

missy
claremont
juman

looks so good - makes me hungry   

^^^^

Yes, This is the President of the country - he should NOT be insulted - there are better ways to get your point across without using name calling especially directed at the Presidential Office.

Please Jonathan - I just typed, edited and proofed a book that will hit the stores in a few months, "Unending Crisis"  in the U.S. for a National figure who has advised the last 4 Presidents of the U.S. on Nuclear Power and on Nuclear Proliferation Agreements - just finished it Friday.  A known authority figure, an Ambassador to the Presidents on Nuclear situations worldwide.

Listen to these writers below:

SHABZ:
in as much as i'm impressed by GEJ in his pursuit for increased power generation,i think its best t[b]o seek safer ways to generate electricity.but come to think of it,we have untapped natural gas,  Uncle Jona,a nuclear plant in nigeria is a disaster waiting to happen[/b],besides the IAEA would neva approve it

Double N:
This man is Madder and more silly than i thought he was! . [b]A Nation that cannot even maintain roads,hospitals and schools wants to embark on a nuclear project? [/b]Tufia Kwa!!
So many lives are lost daily due to the hazardous state of our roads,Our schools are turning out half-baked graduates and area boys,Hospitals are killing patients on a per minute basis and this Cretin is taking about Atomic energy? Did he see what Japan had to do to keep the Nuclear disaster under control? We don't have the basic fundamental necessities and he wants to embark on such a highly advanced and complex process.! Nigeria is the only country in the world where there is no Roadmap or plan. One maga go just wakeup float idea wey him wan use chop money. [b]Handle the Security situation in the country,Stabilize the economy and make life worthwhile for Nigerians,Give our people access to affordable quality education and make sure all these criminals in our society are thoroughly punished for their crimes.[/b]Then we will know you are not as incompetent and daft as we think you are sir!!

I don't begrudge Nigeria on any level - I hope Nigeria succeeds in all of its endeavors but in 2011 - I would have to say that I agree COMPLETELY with the above writers - minus the name calling - If you are listening President Goodluck - I avert your attention to these writers.  Invest the money you are going to send towards a nuclear program (if not managed right can erupt into a disaster - and then you will have to send in senior experts in "nuclear control" to make attempts to get it under control - if it is controllable and if it doesn't kill millions of innocent Nigerian citizens in the process."  Do you want the country's funds to go towards staffing such a facility? 

Your wishes and dreams for your presidency will be realized - but B must follow A if you want true success.  Get the country to a similar level as Dubai as far as infrastructure then build products such as "Nuclear, NASA, etc"

Everyone of us must crawl before we walk regardless to where we live in this world.  Nigeria is great!!  Nigeria will evolve to a fantastic level if you focus on the basics and get those up and running on a consistent level FIRST.

Oops - gotta log off

I won't return until tomorrow - I have to handle a work project.

Lax75:
^^^^

Sis,

It's all to the good.

I will only tell you what you NEED to hear. NEVER what you WANT to hear. I have lived what I talk about, so who else would be in a better position to pass this advice to you.

I too am planning on moving back home. Home is full of crazies (for example, what you see here on NL). But you know what? I would never trade my people for anything in the world. We have it ALL. The brilliant, the dumb, the upstanding and the 419s. But my people are funny, entertaining, resilient, adaptive, bold, striving, and full of life! You just have to handle them with a FIRM hand, and trust me, you will enjoy them and they will enjoy you too.

OK - I am writing down everything you are saying - much of what I am hearing I am filing away to read on the plane ride over. When are you going to be there? Chima is there this year as well as I. When are you there? Do you know yet?

all4naija:
You misunderstood me! I have only been to Nigeria not more than thrice!

I ABSOLUTELY believe in equality! But, the whole notion about this stinginess is getting annoying that I am tempted to voice my anger about it. Not that I am against feminism or other forms of women empowerment, just that our Nigerian girls are just too into this materialistic thing which is appalling to say the least. Above all, we still have traditions and I quite agree they must be told the ways they are - not necessarily means must be effectively practice or completely engaged.

My girl is blond and she quite understands my background. I teach her every important parts of my father's traditions, it more or less interesting for her to be engaging something new and different from hers.

Listen, and listen good, my tone has never suggested anything to abuse or degrade women to mere companies or property. From the way it looks, it looks like a punitive means to subject or relegate women to the background - that I totally object to in this thread.

If you must visit Nigeria as you said, there is nothing wrong in observing those ethics which are parts of our traditions. Don't listen to what people are saying, to do away with tradition but it is better to incorporate it in the best of atmosphere to help you fit into the community comfortably than snubbing the people's values. I still think women are not much different from men, in rights and obligations.

I am as well sorry to have infuriated you in any way in my previous comments prior to making you to take the step of apologizing so early. It isn't necessary at all. Mind you, we are all here to learn from one another. I hope you'll understand me better this time around.

Thank you!

I have definitely misunderstood you - seriously I did - from your detailed explanations - I see now that I have again messed up - thank you for clarifying and straightening me out in this matter - I will not snub tradition - another teachable moment that I will treasure - thanks

Lax75:
Sister Shy!

This is false. Please erase from your mind this manipulative means of supressing who you REALLY are all in the name of respecting culture. I'm not saying be disrespectful when you are in naija. But you can still maintain your ideals by being polite and FIRM. Please erase from your mind that I as a man am not subjected and immune from supressing myself all in the name of respecting culture. I am Yoruba, and one of the most important values in my culture is Respect (for elders). I have had to deal with so-called family who have the audacity to tell me how to run my life, when to breath, and what to do with my hard-earned money, etc. People who don't give a flying porkchop if I am breathing or dead. And you know what? I fought them all! By standing my ground but never being disrespectful. You had better brace yourself like a soldier about to go into a warzone if you want to live in naija. The only language people understand in naija is "firmness." Don't misunderstand this for being disrespectful. But take this is me telling you that you owe no man, woman or beast any apology for maintaining your beliefs and value-system. There is alot of jealousy, hatred, bitterness and deceit in naija. Lots of pretentious people too. Many brothers/sisters on this forum who are in diaspora will even attest that they face people with these xteristics even amongst their own family members back home. Niggaz who will try and "take you for yours."

Please don't let noone intimidate you, or brainwash your personal ideals away by turning you into an apologizing butler. Otherwise they will run over you in naija while you are trying to grow your business. Be Firm, be respectful, and be FIRM. Be a soldier.

I was raised by a single mother in naija. She took crap from no being. I watched it with my own two eyes. And she was respected. You can be the same!


And that's word to your fore-father's butler baby!!

You are a wealth of knowledge and I am sucking dry - absorbing like a sponge - I need to learn and know these things - I am so deeply grateful to you my new friend.