₦airaland Forum

big father:
The Bible and the Quaran condems it. Even the pegans hate it.

Remember,God created Adam and Eve . And not Adam and Adam.

please tell three fourths of the CHEATING MEN ON THIS PLANET that God created Eve for Adam - he didn't create Susan, Melissa, and Eve for Adam

it makes me sick to hear that though men can't understand a male being homosexual - they seem to be OK IF ADAM CHEATS ON EVE WITH SEVERAL OTHER WOMEN. You don't hear them quoting biblical scripture then.

You should be more concerned with cheating in this society versus homosexuality.  Since cheating is more prevalent than homosexuality.

that burns me to my core to hear that hypocritical line

ifele:
Homosexuality and bisexuality are now common among black people. They are evil practices and any black iinvolved in homosexuality, lesbianism,bisexuality, and violation should be set on fire immediately.

set on fire? 

by who?

you?

who made you God?  You haven't created a DAMN thing and it's not in your authority nor right to destroy, dictate, suggest an end to what God created.  God created man and you are nobody's judge, jury or executioner.

and if you attempt to attack anyone I KNOW WHO IS HOMOSEXUAL - you my friend better THINK AGAIN!!!!  and I stake my life on that one - i promise you that i will go to my grave and take you with me and I will do it with A SMILE.  that's how strong i feel about this topic.

we can give an opinion and a thought - but as soon as one of us start talking violence and yammering about hurting another human being who is only living their life and minding their business - then all discussion ends - bring it on brave heart

you were wrong

not intentionally so

but her response to accept your suggestion -  turned it so - it turned you wrong

u DEFINITELY need to apologize

also when u are wrong don't combine your wrong with his previous wrong towards you - keep issues separate

this is your relative whom you will see 60 years from now - keep the next 60 years harmonious on your part - this isn't about a simple mouth exchange of food items - this is about how you react and conduct yourself in ALL SITUATIONS that will replay itself continuously in your life in different scenarios in the way you treat yourself and others.

everything you put out in the universe - NEVER FAILS TO COME BACK TO  YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

you will have a girlfriend that you REALLY LOVE and someone will offer something to her via mouth - how would you feel in that situation my friend? 

make the adjustment in your thought

and

correct this situation with your relative

before

it comes back to bite you

i completely agree with you

i love this thread

baby
babe
honey
sweetie
adorable one
sweet heart
hubby dubby
my love
big daddy

@ Poster

WOMAN!!! You are too much - ahahahahahahahahahaha

homosexuality is as wrong as lying, cheating, fornicating, adultery, killing, robbing, gossiping maliciously, fighting, greed, presenting fiction as though it is fact, passing judgment against everyone but yourself, anger, pride, lust, envy - etc, etc, etc, - let he who has no sin CAST THE FIRST STONE

kidonig:
That was very informative but I still find this difficult to comprehend. How come throughout the ages, it has not been a recognized part of any culture?

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Are_people_born_gay

This family member who is gay - their dad's father was gay.  So their paternal grandfather was bisexual for a while and then went all the way gay - left his wife and 5 kids for a man.  This grandfather died before he were born and because of the family shame  associated with that mishlebach [grandad leaving grandma and 5 kids for a man] -  this wasn't discussed in my family member's presence until he was much older. So that person had no way of knowing or being introduced to the information that a family member was gay - so we know that it wasn't a form of transference of behavior or seen as a form of modeling the wrong person - because he had no knowledge of that person.  When it was discussed in his presence he had already been exhibiting homosexual tendencies for several years.

It actually has been a recognized part of many cultures.  Maybe not formally recognized to the international world but it is definitely known through India - maybe they don't openly put it out there for all to see. But those that live in India - they have got to be aware of it. In India there are many gays because the population is discouraged from having sex so men have intimacy with men in India and women have intimacy with women - I was in NY at a gay club - I was invited by the other gay family member who lives in NJ and works in Manhattan.  I had never seen anything like this before.  I definitely accepted the invitation because that family member reminded me that they had for years suffered the entertainment choices of the family by attending "straight clubs."  And that since I was in "his town visiting him" I should be open enough and love him enough to attend his types of choices and find out a little bit about his lifestyle - he assured me that I would be protected and shouldn't fear.  His presentation was thoughtful and very true.  So I said yes and off we went.  Actually I had a very good time - those gays love them some music and can dance, dance, dance - I had a great time.  I was surprised.  But one hitch did occur - the bathrooms, if you are straight, you cannot go to the bathroom/restroom alone.  Also, I had a white male who was bisexual blowing kisses at me from across the room.  My family member took care of that by directly advising that person to cease and desist which he did right away.

I guess the men that dress like women - also go into the women's bathroom.  So you don't really know whose in the bathroom with you.  So when I got up to use the bathroom, my family member informed me that he wasn't going to let me go to the restroom alone - so he actually had to stand in the restroom with me as a "guard" so that if a man dressed like a woman walked into the bathroom I would be safe. Since I wasn't given a choice to go to the bathroom alone - I was grateful to see that there were several toilets and enclosed stalls as I was concerned that I have some privacy.  I see that not only homosexuals attended this club but bisexuals as well.  Because some of these men dressed like women are also bisexual.  That's why I wasn't allowed in the bathroom alone.

It was one heck of interesting, very informative evening.  A large group of women from India walked in and they were drop dead gorgeous - I was stunned - I turned to my family member because these women could have any man they wanted.  They had hair that was to the back of their knees.  They were petite, a few were 5'7 or 5'8 but the majority was 5'2 and they wore expensive clothes.  I was stunned - I was informed that they were lesbians and that in their culture, they are banned from having sex well into their 20s.  They are not to have intimacy unless married.  I was sooo surprised.  Another thing, I saw white men that looked very handsome, like models and even big like football players, yuppie-looking, clean cut like university students and even business men - whites - my family member and I were the only AA in that club.  Everyone else was White and Indian and the club was a good 200 people they were dancing - fast and slow, shooting pool, drinking beer, hugging, holding hands, laughing.  A HUGE COMMUNITY of gays.  Doing everything a straight bar full of straight people would do.  The club had 2 huge dance floors - flashing lights.  The building was beautiful, posh, classy.  It was an eye opening experience.  They weren't ashamed, they weren't hiding out.  They were completely in their element.  I was the odd one.  My family member kept telling me to not point, not stare.  I was just trying to ask him a million questions. 

I have really learned quite a bit.  I was dumb on this type of stuff but have had my eye shined.  I hope I used that "eye shine" phrase appropriately.

Also, as far back as I can remember - in the AA culture in the U.S. when growing up everybody knew who was gay and who wasn't - it wasn't hidden and gays tend to hang with gays as protection and reinforcement of self and for acceptance. I clearly remember it. So in their own way the AA culture has accepted gays because they are their in large numbers whether they want to accept them or not. Atlanta is a prime example.

If he has mistresses and is cheating on her - she should take as much as she can get her hands on, over and over and over again. Because she is no longer in a marriage. She is in a co-op occupied by herself, her husband and others - those others could possibly replace her one day so she should take whatever she can take and take it with a smile.

If he isn't cheating on her and is fulfilling the marriage covenant and is faithful to her and the marriage - she should be ashamed of herself.

@ Poster - you are completely right

I have experienced both

A cheating mate is not only humiliating, it is like a death, but worse than death because in death memories can fade.  If the spouse has cheated, you still have to see that person and the memories don't fade and if they do fade, it takes forever because everywhere you look you see reminders and people also remind you about your cheating mate.

However, if the mate dies - you can start to get over that person.  Memories [of not so good times - fade more quickly] because when they die you start missing them, because you cannot see them and more of the good memories come to surface that you had of them.

Also, their death, is more  a tying of loose ends.  There is no back and forth and back and forth and that alone encourages you to "when you are ready" - to move on with your life.  However, if the mate cheats and is still alive, you could possibly be back and forth with that person still hoping for the best and believing a liar.  And many times you could go back and forth with that cheater for years - wasting time with the liar hoping that he gets it together and you never have any real closure with a cheater.

So I would prefer they die versus cheat on me.  The outcome for the person who has lost a mate through death is a better outcome versus losing them through their cheating heart/ways - because you still have to hear about them and possibly run into them if you live in the same area.

My dad was very faithful to my mom - so I am not accustomed to being exposed to men that cheat.  I was shocked to realize that soo many people cheat - it's like another world that I know not so when I had a man who cheated - I didn't know the signs, I didn't know how to react, It tripped me out!!  I will never, ever knowingly accept a cheater, excuse the behavior or see it as NORMAL FOR MEN OR WOMEN to cheat. As far as I am concerned cheating is ABNORMAL BEHAVIOR.

marry her

@ Zuha

True gays - not those that are bisexual.  But those men that are only into men and those women who are only into women. 

I believe they are born that way.  I really do.  A number of years ago i didn't think they were - but that was when I knew very little about gays.  But I have a very, very close family member who has been interested in boys since pre-school as far back as before primary school started.  Kindergarten - 5-6 years old.  Has never been interested in girls.  He is a boy.  He will give you the shirt off his back.  Is loved by men and women.  Is very popular in school - is now in College.  Only received two C letter grades the entire 4 years of High School - the rest were A's and B's.  Chemistry, Physics, Biology, Trigonometry, Statistics.  Most of his friends are heterosexual men and females and though he is gay, he only has a few gay friends.  He is loved by all and attend college in Washington DC.

He has been with a woman exactly - 1 time and that was in an attempt to "try to like females."  Because he was trying very, very hard to "not like males."  To try to talk himself out of it.  He has attended church his entire life. 

So I do believe that somehow in the womb those that are gay have received one too many females genes.  Since I now really do believe they are born that way - I really get angry with people who target gays especially when the majority of those that target gays - don't really know much about them and haven't taken the time to find out.  Just quick to jump on the hate band wagon.

@ Roy

Yes - I am definitely Christian and I am a "true one." I try really, really hard from "refraining from being judgmental." You know many people that I have met in the church are overly judgmental. The very "Jesus" they follow hung out with prostitutes, sinners, thieves. Some of those that followed Jesus were prior to his arrival - a motley crew. So if Jesus were judgmental he wouldn't have chosen them to follow him. Now would he?

The bible especially the old testament speaks of brimstone and an angry, vengeful God. Overall, The new testament full of love and forgiveness not being judgmental. So I am confused. But one clear message that I have received and know well is that God is Love, you can find no higher.

I just still feel uncomfortable with gays displaying that physical love openly. Also, for my family members I fear for them inside, wondering how they will justify that to God. But I too as does everyone on NL have to atone for acts I shouldn't have done so I try to not judge - at times I find myself being judgmental as well.

Anyway, Roy thank you for your thoughts.

Roy

I love them and I befriend them and try very hard to be understanding.  But as soon as they start holding hands and kissing, I have to immediately look away because I just cannot stomach it and I don't want to offend them or hurt them - but I cannot deal with it and I have made it clear, especially to 2 of the 3 family members.  I have told them that I love them and will always love them regardless of their choice(s) - but I want them to know that I am not in favor of the choice, I would choose differently for them and that they have chosen an unacceptable and hard road to walk.  I have also told them that if they are with a man in front of me - I just cannot deal with a man kissing them or them kissing a man in my presence and in turn I wouldn't disrespect them by kissing my mate either in their presence - because that is closed door activity.  So that is how I have dealt with it.

roymary:
Why the conglomeration? Gay is unacceptable religiously, scientifically and socially. Most gay activists are simple biase; they have family members or acquintances that indulges the bizarre way of life. Why would any sane person wAnt that ugly pipe in their butt. I love women because they are brave enough.

The conglomeration exists because I know my bible.  According to the bible - God LOVES EVERYONE - though God made woman specifically for man - the bible also clearly states that God loves all of us.  So though I am not in agreement, it is NOT MY RIGHT to stop another human being or degrade another human being for being with whom they choose.  That is the epitome of the conglomeration.  The matter becomes even worse because I have family members whom I LOVE DEEPLY who didn't ask to be born a gay.  These family members also hid it for years because they didn't want to be gay because of the rejection and stigmatism involved.  None of us chose to be born black, white, male, female, gay, heterosexual.  That is the epitome of the conglomeration and the stuggle I have inside regarding this issue.  I also have friends, hairstylists, past coworkers that are gay as well.  So yes, this issue is hard and has been hard for me.

I live in the West.

I have gays that are family members and gays that work and live around me - they are everywhere as are heterosexuals.

I still am having a problem mentally stomaching it.  I deeply believe in equal rights as a woman as a minority [AA] - so I am ashamed to say that I have very mixed feelings about gays, especially as they are in my family.  I do try very hard to be loving and accepting - but when I think gay - the image of Sodom and Gomorrah plays in my head and I love God deeply.

I don't want to be a hypocrite, but the gay thing [lesbian and homosexual] - please do it behind closed doors - I can't handle it in my face.  I don't want to see it.  It's one thing to know that someone is gay, it is a completely different thing to see them kissing openly in front of you.  I also feel that kissing even between a man and a woman should be behind doors as well especially if it is open mouthed vs closed mouthed.  There is a time and a place.

@ Poster

Thank u, Thank u, Thank u

yayyyyy - I love this thread - It is very unique and informative

[shy-one - throwing herself down into a chair - legs crossed, elbows on knees, chin propped in hands intently and closely looking around, eyes big - absolutely cannot wait to learn a thing or 2.]

Yes

Seun is very nice looking

He was sold to the highest bidder on a thread - he has a nice picture.

I nominate:

Omolola1
Rokiatu

Both ladies are intelligent, sweet, attractive, don't have loud mouths and don't talk ignorantly, their contributions were given from a foundation of "much thought."

hmmmmm still thinking about other candidates,

@ Poster

I believe you - I believe you haven't strayed.  That's very obvious- for if you had - you wouldn't be on NL asking for thoughts from others.

You sound like a wonderful person.  I would encourage you to continue what you are doing.  I just wouldn't go down that path.  Really do as you said - replace those thoughts with others.  God loves you sooo much and will assist with the sparks that need to be put in your life.

You need that sparkle - when I say you - I mean ALL OF NL - we all do - don't take no for an answer from your hubby dubby.  Pull him on-board with you by being honest with him.  If he is unwilling out of habit, work, tired, routine, etc.  Start going without him - he will see that pep in your step and that sparkle that you won't be able to hide and he will follow suite for fear of another seeing how rejuvenated and alive you look and he will want to be part of it.  It might take a few months, but do it.  I enjoyed your response.

ok - I reread your post - you are very intelligent - this is what I didn't read but I sense strongly - please correct me if I am wrong - and I don't say this to offend.

you are a married woman who is unfulfilled

romance is no longer in the marriage - your rose colored glasses for your situation have slipped off

you are reaching for what you and your husband are not currently practicing - and its no ones fault - probably familiarity (20 years with same man),  busy schedules, lack of glamour.

soo whatever yearnings, what ifs, deja-vues, backward looks, peeps over walls, old fires are trying to take root and smoulder in your thoughts for another - you OWE IT to yourself, to your soul, to your mate, and especially to your God - TO HALT THOSE THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY.

you know what is bothersome about FB?  It doesn't tell the whole story - you have seen him physically 4 times in the past 16 years - so I am assuming [correct me if i am wrong] that you are assuming he is in a happy marriage from others and from FB photos and FB posts - which are many, many times misleading as FB doesn't tell the whole story.  your marriage actually might be happier than his marriage, and if you climb that fence and land on his side of the fence and find out that you should have stayed on your side, you will regret your actions.

IT'S  a done deal - you are married.  Trying to get to the root of your fascination with this "yesteryear i wanna f__k that particular man" completely reeks of "tearing down your current home and all that you hold near and dear."  Are you sure, completely sure that you are ready to accept the consequences of satisfying being in his presence even for a conversation -  feeling as you feel about him?

Also, what type of pressure and embarrassment will that conversation place in his lap?  Are you strong enough to take rejection, if he doesn't feel the same and/or his revealing the conversation to his spouse which will in turn create a "living hell" for you on so many different levels?

I think that this is recurring in your thought because you aren't satisfied with "what you have."  So you reach for another, fonder, tempting memory - and that memory is him.  But I can promise you that after all these years, changes he has gone through and changes you have gone through.  You will curse the day you were born if you go down that path.  Arranging to meet with him might or might not quell your desire.  It just might increase your yearning.

Why don't you sit down with your husband and talk to him about you and he ONLY.  What you want, what you desire, tell him - your life partner that you need to feel like a woman and you need his participation to make that happen and start dating each other again.  Bring the bells and whistles and chills and thrills back into your marriage and if those were never there - take every opportunity to put them there. 

I advise you to reach down deep and locate that "little girl" inside of you - that girl that laughed out loud w/o care for tomorrow, that loved beautiful colors, new tastes, certain scents, new experiences.  Have some mind-blowing sex with your partner by first finding you again because you are still there ready to be discovered.  Discover yourself - do things you don't normally do, join a scuba-diving class, do you go to the gym?  You sound like you could be adventurous (going to him takes quite a bit of nerve) - instead of approaching him and wikipedia, take a pole-dancing class or belly-dancing class, start spoiling yourself in a very good way - get full, deep tissue body massages and do some physical activity that is rigorous in nature.  Don't focus on him, get off FB as it is misleading and many times starts drama for those that think the grass is greener.  Focus on you, focus on your marriage, make yourself live, love and laugh about your current life.  You and your husband go and take yoga together, workout together.  Yearn for him - if your husband has let his body and his time go in these past 20 years discuss that with him and the two of you work together to bring back and put the youth and vibrancy back in your marriage. 

When I was married - my mate and I went to the gym together, we bought mountain bikes and biked together, went swimming together.  Did ALL KINDS OF THINGS TOGETHER.  It really solidifies the marriage.  We would laugh and joke - I was so "into the marriage" that I didn't have time to think about someone current or past unless it was him.  There were times that he didn't want to do the different activities, but once we started (I nudged), the activity forced his involvement and he would enjoy our time together.

ohhh ok

thanks for your correction

i thought i saw the word "brother" my work hours are too long and i need to re-read your post

please forgive

Isn't this 'YOUR BROTHER'

Why am I the only one saying this?

Didn't I read that the LO is "your brother"?

If I did read that the LO is your brother then obviously you shouldn't be telling your LO "the object of your affection" how you feel.

Stay in Therapy

@ mobo - that picture - I have no words.

His backside looks feminine - is his backside airbrushed? lolololololol - it looks deformed almost. I would never sleep with a man whose backside was not in proportion with his body. The backside is out of proportion. hahahahaha. Oooooo good grief. You NLers keep me laughing.