₦airaland Forum

Mrs. C:

Speak for yourself and stop cutting down and walking all over other people's opinions if they don't agree with your own.  We all - ALL OF US - are due the right to our opinion.

There are many, many marriages that are definitely sound, close, connected and are INDEED SPECIAL because those individuals work hard to make it so.

Nothing is cookie cutter - everything is effort and energy expended - the smallest minded individual is aware that what you put into a relationship individually and as a couple dictates its outcome.

And that goes from 1000 years back up til today.

That's what I take issue with - not you personally because as you know many times I have deeply appreciated your input and your thoughts and humor - but there are times that your lack of restraint and impulsiveness in your approach and method appears directed at pushing and/or trampling on thoughts that don't agree with your own and you seem intelligent enough to know that when you do this it is neither right nor fair as it IS in direct opposition of WHAT A FORUM such as this is set up to OFFER to its members.  A forum is special because it allows all to air their ideas - if you don't agree - that is understandable too - many times I don't agree but I will hold my tongue unless I feel very strongly about something. 

However, I don't disagree every time someone doesn't agree with me as it is their right to form their own opinion - just don't dump all over mine as though your thought(s) is the only option or the only truth - because it/they definitely is/are not.

Btw - many, many, many times you speak on items and in areas that my view is COMPLETELY OPPOSITE - when someone else opens a thread and you post in response to the topic - I notice that if someone holds a differing opinion you will then fire back on that stranger as if they have personally affronted you because they think differently and their experience in life has been unlike your own.  Our thoughts are a direct mirror of what our experience has been in this life.  So to run at them unfavorably is to say that their experience isn't worth listening, acknowledging or respecting and you are in no position to do that to others. 

You say you don't specialize in "sugary" - I DO - I definitely do and I go out of my way to make sure that sugary is in the home especially because we work so hard (everyone under my roof in the U.S. and in Lagos).  I do focus on seeing the glass FULL versus half full or empty and because I do - more times than naught - I receive sugary in return from people as it becomes fruitage that I receive from the choices I have made and continue to make in my life.  I leave abrasive people, abrasive behavior, abrasive thinking and abrasive choices out of my video.  That is my reality and it has been quite rewarding to me and mine. 

People will treat you as you carry yourself - if you are a loud, cursing individual, many times you will receive that in return and if you command respect and give respect and deference to others - you in turn will receive it as well.  Also, it is a "great person" who allows others to be themselves without attempting to "constantly control the outcome, responses" - as control limits knowledge and growth.  Your thoughts many times, I see that they allow and encourage growth and in turn my thoughts should encourage growth in you as well.  I purposely Open my thought to what you and others have to offer to me.  In turn, instead of approaching my ideas and beliefs in a manner of "shutting me down because you don't agree," try to learn from me as well because it will be quite beneficial for you too.  I have alot to offer and am very valuable in my many different areas of expertise.  My manner is one small area.

Killing them with kindness and coming at them when they least expect it (lovingly versus mob squad) achieves much more on global levels versus projecting your image as though you stand on a local street corner.

I am going to answer you paragraph by paragraph - to further give you a "differing opinion"

but now - I have a huge contract to fulfill with clients and need to disperse until tomorrow. will be back

cheers

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=602156.msg7704959#msg7704959 date=1297346204]Shyone,

I have opinions just like you have opinions.  When opinions aren't on the same page it will not BE AGREEABLE.  I am a realist and I am of the world.  Sugary realities aren't my specialty.  

I did not say YOU SAID IT WAS COOKIE CUTTER, I said that MARRIAGE ISN'T COOKIE CUTTER.  I used me as an example because I am married and I can speak on it. 

Once again, Marriage is what YOU MAKE OF IT.  Do you people.[/quote]EXACTLY!!

since you have acknowledged that VERY true fact.

let's take it a step beyond - please, ok?  hear me out

this is a forum - a forum is a place to air opinions and that forum should be devoid of "retaliation" for expressing opinion(s) - as the beauty of any dialogue is sharing and discussing various ideas, choices, lifestyles.  that is the beauty of a forum.
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you then commented that I was some sort of brown noser as though I wasn't stating my true thoughts but just posting something to "impress others, " when you stated this to filani in reference to me :

"You smile upon arse kissers huh?"  

But I wasn't talking to you, I was doing what you did throughout the thread - "expressed my belief and my opinion - genuinely"
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then you went paragraph by paragraph - answering each statement as though I was "talking to you personally" - which I wasn't - your response makes it glaringly obvious that Your skills of comprehension on more than one level need expansion - so let's do it then

Shy-one Typed
[b]Marriage [/b]should improve the human species, becoming a barrier against vice, a protection to woman, strength to man, and a centre for the affections.

Chima Typed
Marriage is a contractual partnership between two people, ie Male and Female. It does not provide any protection whatsoever.  Marriage is not a gun nor a shield against anything.  Even if you are in a partnership, you still have to fend for self.  If a man doesn't have strength BEFORE marriage, how can he have STRENGTH AFTER?  No one can give you strength for strength is from within.  There different "types" of marriage and a huge proportion of married couples ARE NOT AFFECTIONATE with each other/people nor show affection.  If  you are not an affectionate person, how can you exude such?

My Response
Marriage is definitely protection and it provides that to BOTH PARTIES - take it to a level that you cannot taste with your tongue or smell with your nose - if you are fending for yourself within a partnership/within a marriage - i pity that person -  "someone in that marriage needs counseling and intervention from the other partner or a 3rd party" - If I am operating as though I am in the relationship by myself - then there is a problem, either I haven't made myself clear and/or I married the wrong man.  When you date and marry the RIGHT PERSON [color=#990000]you spend most of your free time living your life with that person versus inanimate objects or objects outside of your mate -  such as "you aren't on the computer all day, on the phone all day, talking to others about him/her" - INSTEAD you are LIVING what you married - you are physically and verbally interacting with that person that you call "husband."  You can believe that once I marry, NL won't see much of me as my time will be filled with that person -  Strength my dear comes from a billion sources - God and your mate are TWO OF THE MAIN SOURCES for the AVERAGE PERSON - they assist in your life and are available to lean on when troubled, lean on just because, lean on for sexual fulfillment - and you provide to each other so many different versions of strength in the name of laughter when sad, differing view points when views are limited, suggestions, etc, -

Strength that you have within - was placed there by everything and everyone around you.  You were not born with strength.

@ Chima

woowwww

u just didn't get it. period- there was no cookie cutter anywhere in my post.

But that is alright - those that needed it - definitely got it.

in no way, shape or form is this aimed at you AT ALL.  if u had experienced anything that i posted in "your marriage" you would be able to immediately relate to what was posted.

i have experienced it very deeply in my previous marriage and am experiencing it right now as well.  hence the reason i strongly relate to it.

obviously nothing is for everybody.  obviously it wasn't for you.  my apologies if for some reason you didn't agree or took offense - where none was meant.

many people definitely do agree and have experienced similar.  when u marry the right person - the marriage institution in itself - does definitely offer protection, security, love, strength and bonds those 2 individuals to be a much stronger as a unit versus single entities.

@ Mobinga and Filani

thank you very much

i do DEEPLY believe on that level and much more

Mrs. C

In actuality it was the mirror-image of what the poster was saying - what I listed took it to a more spiritual level.

You can see the glass half-full or empty [I am not speaking of you personally - when I use the word "you"]

You can highlight the sharp, ugly edges of any situation and focus on that and be miserable

Or you can bring it to another level, focus on your mate - the reason you are together and keeping that in focus -  you can strike out daily handling the cross you chose to bear - be it marriage or remaining single - all are crosses

but in that same vein all are fantastic adventures and can be fun roller coaster rides.  there are many married women who take a different stance/stand on the same issues that the poster listed - but they view it differently, react to it differently and would be in disagreement with aligning their thought with the posters thought.

that is fact - not "backside kissing" - though as you stated - you were not referring to me - thank you for that

i do see what the poster is saying - it is the same that anyone would say - we can grumble as we work or we can whistle as we work - we all have different approaches to the same video

Marriage should improve the human species, becoming a barrier against vice, a protection to woman, strength to man, and a centre for the affections.

Marriage should signify a union of hearts

Union of the masculine and feminine qualities constitutes completeness. The masculine mind reaches a higher tone through certain elements of the feminine, while the feminine mind gains courage and strength through masculine qualities. These different elements conjoin naturally with each other, and their true harmony is in spiritual oneness. Both sexes should be loving, pure, tender, and strong. The attraction between native qualities will be perpetual only as it is pure and true, bringing sweet seasons of renewal like the returning spring.

Jealousy is the grave of affection. The presence of mistrust, where confidence is due, withers the flowers of Eden and scatters love's petals to decay. Be not in haste to take the vow "until death do us part." Consider its obligations, its responsibilities, its relations to your growth and to your influence on other lives

mbe

@ Christmas he sent everybody in my family a gift - my parents, my siblings - unique stuff too - very beautiful - they loved it

I love when my guy sends me gifts - its fun and he has such great taste too - it shows me who he is and what he likes

when i give him gifts it shows him who i am and what i like and gives him an idea of the type of taste i have and what he can expect from me in future and vice versa

@ Jay Bee

I know - I have heard - but because I am not from the culture - nor know his family - he has been discussing putting a hybrid situation together so I can meet his family and he also put together a large budget for the wedding as well.  I was shocked and nauseated - I hate spending money on other people - one day to meet/greet/laugh - can run $10,000.00 and up - I get dizzy and nauseous thinking about it.

We have been seriously negotiating those figures and I am talking him down.  I know this is his family and knowing me - I will give in to him in the end - but I am seriously not feeling it.  Cause basically once he arrives in the States for a few months - my family can meet him at a barbeque outside - potluck - that's how I role - with music - good times and that will be very little cost to us.

Please God

don't let my Nigerian man waste our money like this when I arrive in Nigeria

please don't let him feel the need to do this - i will be sooo upset if i see our money depart in this way

1) slow him down

so that you and he can allow his:

words to match his actions

if he doesn't slow down - it doesn't allow you to see if his actions will match his promises, statements, mentionings, whispers

a slower pace - allows you and he to both see just how genuine and sincere the other is in any relationship - friendship, romance, etc.

this is not rocket science my friend - it matters not what be thy lot {whether u are American, South African, West African} - allow time for words and actions to mirror each other

that is your indicator

God doesn't rush you into a situation blindly - he allows you time for observation and growth - God is a patient, loving and good God as is his creation - slow the relationship down - this should alleviate your fear and double guessing - you shouldn't have to play police officer or sherlock holmes with a prospective candidate who is vying to be your life partner - if you have to stress on this level - u should be spending your time enjoying this guy - not worrying about his motives or testing him - time is the tester - you can believe that!

everybody doesn't cheat and that includes all men

some men cheat, some don't

change the type of men you choose and your experience with men changes - u receive what u allow, what u expect and what u see as acceptable and normal - AND THAT'S TRUTH

2buff:
^^It's sad that you think that way. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again.
[b]A man who has found vision in his life and is solely dedicated to it does not have time to be bedding whatever happens to rub up on his nutsack. [/b]All he needs is a woman of quality to handle his human, inconvenient [size=4pt]LOL[/size] needs and to entrust his heart to.

Merge that with someone led by the Spirit of God and one who prays ernestly with his wife everyday. If all this is present, it is impossible to cheat on the woman you love!!

When all this is in check, life to a man becomes more than just thighs and bums.
The problem is the lifestyle of promiscuity that some of you live prior to getting married. You feel after a near lifetime of [b]not [/b]disciplining your body and trying to have sex with whatever strikes your fancy, that you would just stroll into marriage and expect all that to deal with itself? No!
Your bodies are too ensoaked with sin. If you find cheating to be a problem, and you actually want a stable, conscience-worrying-free life, you need to live a fasted lifestyle as that disciplines the body and causes it to be subject to reason and principle.

It's all connected.

you are fantastic - I COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY AGREE

I have met many men that do not cheat. They don't hang out, they don't drink, they spend their time working, with immediate family, with extended family and have a deeply genuine and loving relationship with God.

God dictates their life and their daily activities and choices

give him a lonnngggg pedicure that includes NO CONVERSATION - JUST ATMOSPHERE - PEACEFUL, LOVING:

hot soapy water
wash his feet (tell him to close his eyes, lean his head back and relax)
put on soft music
dim the lights
light some candles
dry his feet - clean his toenails and shape them
give him a foot massage all the way up to the knees
then put lotion or oil on his skin (feet to knees)

include a facial
and facial massage so that he can relax

cook him dinner
light candles
talk
hold hands
laugh
talk about your present
talk about your future

end the night by watching a movie together

this is much more detailed, thoughtful and personal than just a gift (cheap - since you don't have much money) for him to unwrap - I don't waste my time buying cheap gifts - nobody appreciates a cheap gift - I KNOW I DON'T

don't have sex

just enjoy each other

Thank u Mrs. C

i don't know

i like meddlers

initially i don't sometimes - but in the end usually meddlers know of what they speak and their forewarning and their heads up - are helpful

they might not be 100% right - but they are in the ballpark and whether we know it or not - at times - it actually could be God speaking through that person to you whether you know it or not

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=600683.msg7685908#msg7685908 date=1297111690]bosom augmentations aren't good for longevity.   The average shelf life for bosom augmentations are five years.  Silicon or saline cones have expiration date.  Silicon and saline cones lose its elasticity after years and will soon "drop to the ground" like real bosoms.

Plastic surgeons are not going to tell you the WHOLE truth because if they do. They will be out of business. There are a lot of medical complications with any form of plastic surgery minor or major.

Good luck.[/quote]correction my dear - shelf life is 10 years not 5 years - even longer if the implant inserts behind the muscle versus in front - silicon feels real - saline does not

i have researched the complications - my sister has a fantastic pair that are 5 years old - she had NO COMPLICATIONS - hers are in front of the muscle - which means her shelf life will be shorter

wow

you guys are posting and you aren't knowing what you speak of

good fake bosoms feel just like real ones - also you can't tell

you can get an incision through the navel - so there aren't any scars

what difference does fake or real bosom make?

basically you can get older and your bosoms still look great - whereas the real ones are touching the ground as you age

my guy is good with it - as it is my decision - he's good so i'm good - yayyyyyyy for meeeee!!!

i have my eyes on a matching set of DD's - i can't wait - chop/chop

but i am with Odunnu

that is not a possibility - thank God for my baby

shy-one sane and deliriously happy

psychotic - yeah that an accurate good description

cross-eyed, crazy - sharp stiletto shaped dagger in one hand, blunt object in other

glazed eyes - totally unaware of my surroundings

at a loss to even remotely knowing where my mind went

an hour later - not possessing the ability to know what I just did

then she flips back and forth

you will be riding one hell-u-va roller coaster if you go back

i still am thinking about what u wrote

she drank relaxer and within 24 hours - she is getting her hair done and eating out with you at a restaurant

u don't see something wrong here?

if she was upset enough to try to kill herself and within 24 hours she is calm enough to sit and be spoiled by you?

either she was a good actress and gave you a serious scare or she is looney mentally - whatever she is or she isn't she wouldn't be with me - if i were a man

i crave harmony, peace, loyalty, love, honesty

where in all of that is she exhibiting the above qualities just listed? she was harmonious after you spent your money on her - so i guess u can buy those qualities from her. are u willing to continue spending to get them?

run really fast in opposite direction

don't look back

it isn't just that she cheated - but she also tried to kill herself?

what will she do the next time she is caught and you might out of anger confront her publically

deal with your pain and keep moving forward

she is a loose screw - drama is thy name if you go back to her

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=600651.msg7684409#msg7684409 date=1297096558]I laughed when my husband told me my role in the house is to be bared foot and pregnant for the rest of my child bearing years.  

I laughed so hard and told him he must be TRIPPING!  He was serious and said that women SHOULD PROVIDE SEX on every demand even if they are not in the mood!  I also said that women can REVOKE punny coupons if we feel like it.  

I had an hour long African man lecture.  I was doing my to do list in my mind.  So, I can't repeat what he said.[/quote]oooo - i love this that you said - i do the same - sometimes you just have to zone them out - it's unfortunate but necessary - my babe harps and nags more than i do - u just have to zone sometimes - u just have to

reading this frightens me

i would be scared to death

i wouldn't know how to respond here

this is horrible

i would have to tell my husband - he would have to protect me - i couldn't keep this to myself - my fear of this other man/men would be stronger than fearing my husband

i would go to my husband for protection and tell him everything - he who has no sin, throw the first stone

@ Mrs. C

I LOVE THE PROVIDE SEX ON DEMAND

That's exactly what I want - I want him to provide me sex on demand - that is heaven - [shy-one giggles over and over again]

you know he talks dirty to me over the phone and I cannot get enough of it - it is fantastic!!!! lolololol - ahahahahaha - yayyy - hip, hip horray - for my dirty talking man

The sex better be good  - no compromise with me
He has to have a sense of humor
He has to be gentle and tender
But He also definitely has to be firm and hard - because many times - I can be indecisive and I need a decision maker during those times
He has to love kids
He has to be able to talk dirty to me - if he is shy - FORGET IT - we can't both be plagued with that
But First and foremost - he has to love God deeply
He said if I washed laundry - he would iron
He has to help me cook
He has to allow me to hire help to come into the home and help with house chores as well

fstranger6:
Is your father is support of your move?

Please, I am begging you, dont do this

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Nuff said!

But please, when katakata burst, please comeback to NL

see you sound so sweet and so kind - why can' t you sound like this more often?

btw what is katakata - what does that mean? my dad - he died.

Mrs. C:

You will hear a success story from me - give me some time - we will be married this year - he wanted the marriage last year - but it was too soon for me.

Peanut Butter?

Mix it with honey - take peanut butter and pour in some honey and mix it well to a creamy texture.

then pour it on something you love - it's fantastic!