₦airaland Forum

@ queensmith

It is very good that you have a husband that is understanding and open to your maintaining those friendships - I have always wanted a mate that would be in approval of such. I had some really supportive, unique, intelligent friends that I missed. I am hoping that this new relationship will allow more socializing as a couple with other couples - I voice my opinion more readily on a keyboard than I do in person and being withdrawn for so long from others is why. I really want to work on socializing again and even more so in a group situation with my mate.

queensmith thank you for starting this thread - it is a great thought process that you have.

Personally, I have been that girlfriend before who has disappeared and also I have been the one that doesn't disappear - so I have been on both sides.  What side I stood was always determined by the type of man I had.  Most of the guys I dated and then married (1) never wanted me around/with anyone unless it was his family or my family - there were no friends that he brought to the house and would discourage my bringing friends to the house or hanging out with friends.  My life revolved around him and his choices for me.  I had friends at work but never saw them outside of work because I was soo busy with the home.  But I can understand the feelings of being hurt by friends departing - I always felt really, really bad that I had withdrawn myself from my friends because they were so wonderful and loving and I missed them so much.  It was weird, when we would see each other even after time would pass - we would hug and be so spontaneous as though we had never departed.

I agree with every poster above - she needs to move on

xynerise:
I thought wet dream is a guy thing?

wet dream is a human thing - male or female

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=588500.msg7560534#msg7560534 date=1295416795]I'm also having a perfect relationship . . . .Me and my girl work and save ,When she needs something she goes straight and get it ,Same goes with me . .  full understanding is very important in every relationship![/quote]I LOVE IT!!!

That is me and my guy - we are already on that !!!!  I love it and I love him - love the ground he walks - I was stressed before I met him and he was stressed before he met me.  His laugh is much lighter and happier and so is mine - we relieve each other and can talk about anything together.  Anyway - thanks for that information.  I don't want a man to take care of me - I want us to take care of each other.  You don't know the true value of a dollar if you don't work and earn it together.

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=588500.msg7560524#msg7560524 date=1295416491]You said in the bedroom and living room.  What do you do when you have carpet Ms. Shyone?  Looking at you with one eye.[/quote]hahahahahahaha - I was just trying to give a visual on "the type" of limited and demanding marriage I had - though I loved him deeply - he was very clingy to me - I wasn't trying to put out any hints.

Sorry - but take this as clarification

lrlrlrlrlrlrlrl - I love you - you are sooo funny

"looking at me with one eye" - lololololololol

can I borrow that line from you?

You know what - I am slow,

I just figured it out

You have clowned girlfriend - hahahahahaha

D-Sense is a good guy - I have no romantic interest - I promise you

I don't do the underhanded - I just really needed some advice

Actually - I would love to talk to you more - because you are here in the States and you are AA, like me and you hubby is African - I would love to get some more info from you if that is alright.

But right now - I really need to retire - I am exhausted.  I have been ill and need to write a lot of papers and get some apologies to some clients - I am behind because I have been ill and buried with a book I just finished this evening as well

@ Mrs. Chima:

Slick?

Carpet Burns?

What? Why would I get carpet burns?

What did I do? e-friend? Talk to me quick

@ D-Sense:

I needed to hear that - hmmmm, no wonder he loves me soo much and I love him soo much.  I love to work and so does he.  We BOTH CONTRIBUTE - BIG TIME.  

Hmmm - this is going to be great - we will have a wonderful relationship on a really deep level.  He kept trying to tell me in different ways and in the U.S. some men and women do the same thing - not work, gossip alot, depend really heavily on the other partner - killing that partner with stress.    Noooooo - I love working and making money and contributing and my man better love it too  - thank God he does.  Thanks for the info.

quote by: saintchux

Cheating someone you love is not possible.

What is love? If you really love someone you will not do anything that will hurt the person.  The problem we have is that people use to take their emotion and feeling as love. True love is a commitment. A commtiment not to cheat your spouse. A commitment to have a feeling of your spouse. A commitment to always be there for your spouse. A commitment to always cherish your spouse.

You cheat when the commitment are no more there. Check this.

A man got married and the wife naggs ( don't ask me why) after seven year, the guy got himself another girl to cool off.
The commitment is now dead. so what happen, is that the guy does not care any more. No more commitment. The spouse feeling is no more an issue.

I completely agree

hahahahahaha

oooh - ok

In the U.S. - it's called a "wet dream" - the guy laying next to her sees it as a compliment - because she is dreaming, hopefully about him and he wakes her up by giving her what she is craving in her dream.

lolololol

yes. Mrs. Chima?

what is living room mean? hahahaha

why are you tapping your foot? lololol - did I do something wrong?

@ Mrs. Chima

You are a God-Send. Thank you sooo very much. He is Yoruba.

My husband who passed away (was young as am I) - but he was very possessive and when I wasn't at work - I lived in the bedroom or the kitchen. He dictated what I wore, my makeup. I just can't deal with that again.

My fiancee - is so much more lenient and I know there is alot I will find out - that we will find out about each other actually. But I really needed your advice. I don't want to lose myself this time. Since I haven't been with a man in almost 3 years now. I am really enjoying my single life. I know that NL will end for me once he and I marry because our schedules will be the same - right now we are 6 hours apart. We both own our own business and when we merge under the same roof - alot will change - I am looking forward to it - but I just want to retain more of my identity this time around.

Also D

What is this "armed robbers whenever they visit" - what does that mean?

Also - D

I want to make sure my man doesn't go through this "taking care of 80%" - I need him functioning and not drowning in worry or debt - because I need all of his time, energy and joy in the bedroom, living room.

I also hate arguing and stress kills. I want him around for a very, very long time.

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=588500.msg7560295#msg7560295 date=1295411270]Men go through alot,Brinking down to Africa mentality . . .Basically Nigerian ladies believe men should be responsible for atleast 80% of the house expenses,Must provide help for her family whenever they need it,Must be the one to attend parents meeting during the month and everytime and the worst part of it is that the husband must be the only person to confront the arm robbers whenever they visit, to attach and take away their properties,This is the reason we have lot of Widows in Nigeria! [/quote]D-sense this is SUPER INTERESTING

Tell me more please - what is a parents meeting? What does that mean? please

@ Mrs. Chima:

I am in awe of you - I need some of your strength.  I get in relationships and really cater to the man a lot.  I am getting better as far as trying to retain some of my power in the relationship.  The guy that I have now - I love so much because he is really supportive of "what I want."  I know the relationship is still new and will definitely change and especially once we are under the same roof (married).

But this time - It is really important for my equilibrium to be allowed "to hold on to who I am" prior to the relationship.  I usually change soo much of myself for the man that I lose a large piece of who I was before the relationship.  Millions of women do that.

@MzDark

Thank you e-girl-friend.

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=587153.msg7560348#msg7560348 date=1295412461]Pls madam . .I got an observation on your comments,though they are always right and usefull but akways too long . . .Can you find a way of summarizing your comments.[/quote]hahahahahahaha

u are soo right - I am trying - I promise - it's hard - but I am definitely trying

Thanks for the constructive criticism

Ok - this subject gets on my nerves - not @ you omolola, because I really like ALL of your posts and threads.

Just the subject of make-up and fake or natural regarding what my man does or doesn't want.

I don't have alot of power and I actually don't want alot of power either.  But I put my foot down on what I do and don't wear.  I used to let my man dictate to me about makeup and my clothes.  I REFUSE TO ALLOW THAT ANY LONGER.  Here is why.

I used to model (not print modeling but runway modeling) - so you have to have the makeup artist makeup your face.  My mom also sent me to a finishing/etiquette school - on how to walk, how to sit, how to cross my legs, how to stand, how to speak, how to smile, how to make-up - a school teaching a teen-age girl, how to transform into a "lady."  Not just a female but to be a "lady." What fork to use, what language to use, how to respond to a compliment and to a public dinner, public engagements, audiences, etc.

So here I am this model - with a man who doesn't like women who wear makeup.  So after a few years, once I stopped modeling, I am trying to be this "perfect girlfriend" and stop wearing makeup and high heels and short dresses - trying to fit into his image of what I should be for him.  

Well - I refuse - because in the end we broke up over his "lack of etiquette."  His ignorant comments, his brutish attitudes towards women.  I was very upset when he started at the "very women" he didn't want me to look like.  Those who wore make-up, short dresses, fake hair, fake nails, fake breasts.  Out the corner of my eye, I am looking at him, looking at them out the corner of his eye.  So I kicked his backside to the curb - that was one of the reasons (there were other reasons) - but my point here is that I will do whatever my man wants but what I put on my body or on my face or if I elect to have plastic surgery (I can't wait) - then that is my choice.  And my man told me that he is going to be supportive of "whatever I choose to wear - he is a Christian so of course it will be moderate" - but I can wear makeup or any clothing apparel that I choose.

The days are over that I will allow a man to dictate my appearance - I have great taste in clothing and makeup (face powder, gloss, eyeliner, mascara, a little eye-shadow- that's all I wear) - I love high quality perfumes and silk and satin against my skin.  I love boots, high heels - I have so many boots, I have lost count.

MOBO444:
Am sorry my dear, your are dead wrong, am a Black man and we cant stay long with out COMING or with out kitty, this is the sad truth, your man might even be on top another lady right now.

hahahahahahaha

oooooo

you make me mad at you

but you still make me laugh Mobo444 - I can't stay mad at you for long.

My man is black and he won't cheat because he didn't cheat before me. Cheating has to be in you already and cheating isn't in him so you are wrong Mobo444.

[quote author=MzD@rkSkin link=topic=430215.msg7558256#msg7558256 date=1295378149][color=#0055bb]Before I get Jamo/Akata on you do clarify a few thing for me. Who are you referring to as "transvestite"? and second if this person happens to be Mrs.Chima, then who are these socalled "crew" members? I'm waiting.

Second it is a proven fact that due to historical reasons a lot of our people suffer low self esteem and see white/light to be beauty, therefore with black men in particular be it mestiz-hispanic, light skinned, white or even asian a lot of them are attracted to the complexion and not necessarily the person (hence some of these women MIMICKING THE VERY ATTITUDES BLACK MEN CLAIM WE HAVE THAT ANNOYS THEM and getting away with things a sista could not with these self loathing men) and of course for these types of black men with the complexion being "nice and fair" it at times make up for the hideous faces and horrible shapes some of these women have.

White men on the other hand FOR THE MOST PART who date I.R. have STANDARDS. Check every famous colored girl lover-white man and compare his black/asian/nonwhite wife to that of black men and their white/asian/non black wives. . .white men crave exotic models on their arm to take to the cheese, wine, tuxedos and caviar parties but a lot black man live by the "as long as she has a punny" code. I am not asking ANYONE that! Some black men have truly dropped their the balls.[/color][/quote]hmmm

ok - not sure what is going on - but I just posted - I didn't really read the comments first - I just replied to the poster on my personal experiences?

In high school I hung out with 2 black girls and 2 white girls

The white girls were both blondes - 1 stood 6 feet - looked like a model and had long wavy blonde hair to her waist and looked like a CC cup size - her dad was President of a Bank in Europe and her mom was a Real Estate Agent to Executives in the area. She was the only girl and Mom, Dad and Aunts and Uncles gave her everything; they live in a mansion - she loved black men and only dated black men. Today she is married to an Italian. She and I are still friends.

The other white girl stood around 5'6 inches - had blonde hair that she kept cut and wore a nose ring and 6 earrings in both ears. She always wore makeup and designer clothes - her dad owned a "car shop for racing cars, sports cars and exotic car repair and rebuild" - she lived in a beautiful home as well - she only dated black men.

You can't generalize - this I saw first hand from personal experience.

It was normal here to see black men (good looking, fine) also with fat black and fat white women. It was their choice. Also the white women I listed above - could have had anybody - black, white, hispanic, italian - they were beautiful and to this day, they still are beautiful - haven't gained weight, look really, really good. Have great jobs.

There are black men that date white women "just for money." But in the U.S. - more and more these days that isn't the "total case any longer." It just isn't. I even see black men with fat white women that are poor and have no money and these men are citizens of the U.S. I know some black men that work and provide financially for these white fat women. So it is really more and more nowadays about taste.

You still find cases of financial abuse [dating for money, citizenship] - but the other is really prevalent as well and since you don't know which is which - it is safer to just "not assume."

ok

here goes

I have a lot of friends, females - black and white and none are ugly - it just fell that way; I didn't plan it.

All of my white friends - female; beautiful faces, bodies and come from money. All of them dated black men. They were not ugly or on a "reject level" so I'm not sure why some writers are of that mind frame.

I have also seen white men with some really ugly black women. It seems that you can't generalize or make assumptions because 9 times out of 10 you will be wrong.

@ Chima

lololololol - what didn't you understand? lolololol

Sorry, but when I say the "entire body" - I mean the "entire body."  That's why dropping to his knee(s) - shouldn't be a problem but should be instantanteous.

capiche?

Hey how is your day today?