₦airaland Forum

@ queeneve

This is a very good topic you have posted. Thank you

Well - everyone knows that one day he will go limp - we are all getting older

So - It's really important to focus on Various qualities because THAT DAY IS COMING for a large majority of men

I wouldn't leave him. By then I would hope that we would have been together for a number of years. But if the man is drinking heavily or using drugs they go limp in their 40s and younger. So that day isn't too far up the road for many men.

I am soo glad my baby doesn't drink and is in very good health. His day of getting limp are far away from us. But once it occurs - I would never leave him because we have more than sex. We enjoy each other in so many different areas.

I won't lie - I will miss it very much because I love making love. If he starts gaining too much weight we will work on that together.

He and I ARE FOREVER.

@ 190 - my monthly cycle - very, very horrifying embarrassment - everyone was sweating - it was very hot in the school - I had no idea - stupid huh?  I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I had no heads-up or indication that it was my time of the month. That strange girl was sent by God. She could have been catty and immature and poked fun but she grabbed me immediately. Everyone else standing next to her were pointing and laughing.

@ abiolia - it was a nightmare and I was REALLY SHY back then and scary, very, very quiet.  I am still shy but nothing like then - I stand up for myself now and at least I have enough nerve to type about it.  Internet is like therapy for shy people.  My school was visiting another school.

You LOVED her - wow!!!

You REALLY LOVED her. Your story is genuine.

Time stood still. I have been there before. Time stands COMPLETELY STILL - you can taste your swallow. You said the heineken stood still in your swallow.

hahahahahahahahaha

I howled - I laughed sooo hard. Because I have been there - when something so horrifying seems so real. My heart BREAKS for you. I am soo sorry you experienced this.

When I first read your account, I knew that she wasn't raped - raped women generally are hysterical, or won't speak - just abnormal behavior. Her behavior would have been different enough for you to have definitely noticed if she had been raped - you would notice it more than others as you are her mate.

She didn't faint - she FAKED because she was terrified of your reaction.

You are A REAL MAN - my hat is off to you - you have my utmost respect

You didn't get violent and you made sure she got home - other men would have stomped her in her "fake faint" and left her on the side of the road. You are a WONDERFUL MAN.

You are even on NL - rethinking your decision - it is still eating you up inside

You really, really LOVED this woman.

Turn to GOD - he will soothe you, he will protect you, he will take the pain from you so you can rest and he will provide one for you that is absolutely beyond anything you could order for yourself -she will be beyond even your WILDEST, MOST PLEASANT DREAMS.

You are more than deserving.

I will never, ever, ever, ever forget

IT haunts me to this day.

I was in High School at a Pep Assembly for the School's Sports Team

I was sitting in one of the front rows

It was really, really hot in the auditorium and there were rows and rows of people behind me

I was hot and sweating everywhere - I THOUGHT ANYWAYS

When the program was halfway through we were all told to stand up and clap

I stood up and was soaked in blood all the way to the back of my knees on both legs

I had on Lemon Yellow top and pants - so I was Bright Red

A girl (stranger) standing directly behind me - immediately whispered in my ear

I was stunned and started crying!!!! - I could not move, sit, nothing - I WAS HUMILIATED!! I didn't know what to do

The girl grabbed had a thin jacket and took it off and tied it around my waist and grabbed my hand and took me to her house - she lived right across the street and her mom gave me a robe and they washed my clothes for me

I went back to school when it was time to catch the bus home

I thanked GOD that the school was a school that my school visited for the program - I wished that the floor could open and swallow me whole. I still have not forgotten about this happening.

I was also much shyer back then than I am now. What a nightmare!!!

Libras are very similar when you generalize - we are beautiful people

we are the only sign in the zodiac that actually gets along with all the other signs

we also can be very chameleon like if we want to be

we can BLEND

Don't categorize PEOPLE:

My Nigerian man and I have been together almost a year

I haven't caught him in ONE LIE YET

He is hardworking

I am the only woman in his life

He is very Romantic - I THANK GOD EVERY SINGLE DAY

My birthday was October 8 - Every other hour he was there in some form or fashion - he worked all day but made his presence known to me from a distance - I was flabbergasted - it was great - He made it unforgettable for me

He is extremely intelligent, creative, educated

He is definitely a keeper - IF This relationship ends - I will be devastated - he has become a part of me and I have become a part of him

My advice to you- LOVE HIM IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS!

I completely agree with 190 and Mr. President

What they said - My sentiments EXACTLY!!!

He doesn't even love himself - how can he love you? He is 27 and not working, not in school, promises, promises, promises.

What is that about?

This is very sweet

@ Poster

When I first read this as I was going through it here are my thoughts as I was reading:

1) Research his Father as this has been his exposure on how to treat women - he is either mimicking his dad and adapting his own likes/dislikes in how he treats/responds when in a relationship

2) His pattern is obvious: He broke up with you before he graduated from college - which means he either doesn't trust himself while not in your presence or doesn't trust you and/or even both - so he broke up with you before he left college

3) He broke up again only 6 months after he departed again - so he has established a pattern and is comfortable and has maintained this pattern because he has broken up with 2 other women while you were married.

4) He also dates "much younger" women as a recent/current girlfriend is years younger - the age of his daughter

This is clearly someone who has "commitment issues" but also has "fond feelings" for you as well.

The question I would ask myself is "which is stronger and has been maintained through the years?"

Personally, I would move on, You can stay and fight for "something that is yours" - but show me, "where is he yours?"

He belongs to ONLY HIMSELF. He has made that evident to "You, his 2 other women he married, a very young girl." His love is primarily for SELF.

His mother is right - in one area - SHE DEFINITELY KNOWS HIM. He is like a crab with many legs and he will be back if YOU ARE PATIENT AND IF YOU WANT HIM.

But the area his mom didn't share is that HE WILL ALWAYS BE BACK BECAUSE HE WILL ALWAYS CONTINUE TO LEAVE. If you choose him, you better purchase a revolving door as it will be opening and closing and opening and closing and you will get older and older and have fewer and fewer chances of finding the "one" that God has for you.

When God gives to you - it belongs to NONE OTHER. This man is not ready to settle down yet. You can hang out and see your youth disappear or you can GO DIRECTLY TO GOD and ask GOD to open your eyes to who he has chosen for you - because THAT MAN IS WAITING and he is ALREADY PUT TOGETHER.

I wouldn't waste time on the current man because "Your Mate" is looking just as hard for you and hoping that you are out there somewhere - Go To God With This - He answers every single need.

Thank you - I am Libra - I completely Agree and Happy Birthday to All Libras

We are:

Sexy
Very Easy on the Eyes
Proper Etiquette
Funny
Speak very well
Write well
Love People
Love Beautiful Things
Have Wonderful Money Making Abilities
Love to Laugh
We Try to Get Along with Everybody
Intelligent
Love our Fellow Man
Help Underdogs
Abhor Violence, Ignorance, Those that Mistreat Others

Marry her.

Born again - means accepting Christ = Right Morals and Right Ethics

Ethically speaking, sex out of wedlock is against Christ. If you love her start going to church with her - make some sacrifices. They are different types of sacrifices but sacrifices just the same.

Sit down, talk to her and make some choices. Check this out - it is very serious and of necessity for her and her life. If you want to be included in that life - just like you like to eat certain dishes that she had to learn how to cook (her sacrifice) - you can investigate her religious faith.

It doesn't sound like you are born again - what do you have to lose?

Being part of a Church Family can be a wonderful thing. Check it out. She should be worth that to you. Change happens - open yourself to it - because it sounds like it's coming your way whether you are ready or not.

@ Youngichou:

Your wise crack about Yoruba is offensive to me.

My boyfriend is Yoruba and is a GREAT FATHER to his kids (2 girls/1boy) - please refrain from categorizing with your blanket statements.

I take great issue with your words - you are out of line.

Everyone is different.

My first cousin BEAUTIFUL, looks just like the actress "Vanessa Williams" - she has never cheated on her first husband who is violent, childish, petulant, spoiled. They had 5 or 6 kids together. She is in her mid 30s. They are muslim. She has divorced him and is living in the U.S. as the 2nd wife of an older leader of their muslim community.

She no longer fears for her life, has her own home, lives in peace, the dark circles are gone under her eyes, her kids by her 1st husband are doing much better emotionally - not yet healed because the abuse went on for years. She is very subservient but much happier now. The entire family was AGAINST this when we found out, especially in the U.S.

However, when I see her now, she is soo happy, not crying constantly anymore, he is much older than her. She is safe and doing very well and I AM SO GLAD TO SEE HER CONTENT and HAPPY.

Everyone has different reasons for being a 2nd wife. IT WORKS FOR HER and as her cousin, I am very grateful.

I cannot see this ever working for me. But be careful to judge too quickly. There are soo many men not taking care of children that if being a 2nd wife does this for you. More power to you. In the U.S. to every black male there are 10+ females in this country - the numbers might even be higher. Due to prison incarceration rates - the same crime a white man commits vs. a black man = the black male has historically received 2-3 times or more years in prison and early deaths among black men with high risk behavior at an early age - so there is a MAJOR SHORTAGE of black men to black women in the U.S.

Before this, I was TOTALLY AGAINST POLYGAMY. I am more open to finding out about it since my cousin. However, for me personally - I can't fathom entertaining the idea. Again, my cousin whom I love dearly is happy and I won't shun her or judge her - I will celebrate her and her choice.

My man is 5'7"

I am 5'10"

He is the TALLEST MAN I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

I have never liked shorter men.

When you meet someone and there is a connection of like-qualities - It creates a huge explosion of attraction for that person.

I love him DEEPLY, I am extremely attracted to him - ALL OF HIM.

Al Pacino is short but his sex-appeal, his demeanor, his masculinity, his voice, his heart - very LARGE AND IN CHARGE.

That is how sick in love I am for my 5'7" man. I never thought I would date a shorter man. Once I got to know him first and didn't focus on his height - I didn't have any other option BUT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. Everywhere I look - all I see is him.

I know the dictionary definition of tangibles and intangibles

But I RENAMED THEM THE OPPOSITES - I stated that in my post.

Qualities are more tangible to me than what you can see, taste, smell and touch. That is why I renamed them.

What was agreed?

Beforehand - Did a woman agree to share a man with more than one woman? If she did and she did it knowingly and then she cheats - she is wrong

If a woman - is to her knowledge in a relationship or marriage and is only aware that she is the only woman in that relationship and she did not agree to the presence of another woman and she is "cheated on" by her mate - as far as I'm concerned - neither of the 3 exist any longer. Her mate, her relationship or her marriage - it has been broken and is now UNRECOGNIZABLE to her and everyone observing the situation.

The mate has changed EVERYTHING - it's no longer just "you and me" - it seems to be "you and me and whoever you want it to be" - which now effectively cancels out just "you and me".

You have released me to be able to do "whatever I want to do and do WHOEVER I WANT TO DO."

lololololololololol

little sweet wife, turns irritable and evil.

hahahahahahaha

lrlrlrlrlrlrlrl

hahahahahaha - ohhhh my side hurts.

Let it be - he asked you to let it be - so let it be

This has bothered him, hence he held onto it.  This isn't just about you being disrespected by one who isn't worth another thought.  It is about his friend as well - whom he probably never told either.

If you create a ruckus you will cause harm to your relationship with your man who handled his business and for him to share it with you 2 months later, he has allowed enough time to lapse for the revelation of her behavior to not be as traumatic to you.

He has done his part as your man by letting you know what happened versus NEVER TELLING YOU.  He has also paid honor to you by not sampling her unclean va-j-j [Cause it's white/don't make it right - how clean can it be with her jumping around from his friend to him and God knows who else?]

Maintain your position as his woman by holding yourself honorably - Your post states Texas as your state - why would you jeopardize yourself and your household by seeing her and "riding her like the animal-snake that she is" or do you enjoy drama?  Texas is so extreme legally - isn't that a Death Penalty state?  I can bet their laws on battery and domestic violence are off the FA-HEEZY.  I am too beautiful to go to jail, I don't do women and I would have to fight off women and men (jailers) - how bout you?

I refuse to expose myself to handcuffs, country jail prison bars just so I could scratch the dermis off of the face of one whose skin shouldn't touch the undersides of my nails.  That sly, slick female isn't even worth ruining a very cheap $20.00 manicure = P.orn stars are worth more than she is - they will screw your man and you remain faceless - that low-life female has seen your face, asked for your assistance, spent time with you and your man and she STILL WENT AFTER HIM -  She's too "bargain-basement cheap" for me to waste my time, money and energy.

WELCOME TO AMERICA - her type are a dime a dozen here.

People view Tangibles as things you can see and physically touch. SO I am going to recategorize my PERSONAL VIEW OF WHAT IS TANGIBLE.

Here are MY TANGIBLES THAT I ABSOLUTELY NEED FROM MY MAN:

Freedom to voice my opinion
Freedom to serve God MY WAY
Emotional Support
Patience
Loyalty to defend me against those that would spitefully use me and/or malign me for whatever reason
A Wonderful Sense of Humor
Freedom in the Bedroom TO TOTALLY ENJOY EACH OTHER WITHOUT JUDGMENT
Go out of his way to Make me believe that I am his equal - I don't care what society says - Love me enough to make me believe it just to hold the peace because the reality is that I WILL BOW TO YOU ON BENDED KNEE

With the above, Together we will work hard and make success happen, I will give undying support and PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE to him as all that I am and all that I have is his.

Then the MINOR INTANGIBLES automatically fall into place:

House
Car
Money
Jewelry
Clothing
Etc,

Mobo:

lolololol - "earn my place in history"?  

I like you very, very much.  I enjoy your posts - I don't take you seriously - because I "don't know any Nigerian women".

It is really difficult for me to believe that this is even true.  I thought you were just instigating so that people could think and comment and laugh and debate.

You can't be really serious about all of that can you?

In March 2010 - I started talking to a man who lives in Nigeria and we are now dating and because I love to research everything - I started reading Nairaland and there are different userid names on here that I enjoy reading alot of what they have to say - you are one of them, there are 3 other men and several females who seem to post regularly that I also enjoy reading their thoughts in this forum.

Some of the graphical written text is interesting a bit hard to comprehend but the more I am reading - I am able to sometimes make it out a little.

Please do not pull me into this because I have no credible thoughts in that area - I have never been to Nigeria before or to Africa yet to know what is and isn't true, false, etc,

If I were Nigerian I would be highly offended by someone who has never been to Nigeria to make negative comments or agree with someone who has made negative comments - I don't willingly sign up to engage in ignorant behavior.  I try to pride myself on using the wisdom God gave me at birth.

It doesn't stop me from enjoying this forum - it is very educational and has provided solace and entertainment to someone such as myself.

lolololol - Mobo is just really funny.

I think he states and over-exaggerates issues and presents them in a humorous way to get a rise out of the reader and also to make people think. You are very humorous.

Do not get mad at him. I have white friends who do this too and I just laugh and laugh at them when they start talking about black people this and black people that.

It is funny. These categorizations of groups of people. Laugh, blow it off and see it for what it is. This creates dialogue and Mobo doesn't seem to mind being "the fall guy." To get people talking about different claims - whether they are true or false.

Mobo has dry, sarcastic, very funny sense of humor. Well, time to retire for the evening. Tomorrow is another day.