₦airaland Forum

merge: Any woman that comes near what is mine will see death.

hairsistaz: Hello. I am hoping to get some advice on a problem that has been on my mind for a while.

For years my mother who is a legal practitioner has been maltreating her houseboy. I know how she usually is with her house helps but when I learnt the extent of this I felt I had to speak out especially as she is takes her Christian faith seriously; I felt something was wrong. She would strip him and rub pepper on his naked body and force him to sleep with the pepper on his body without the fan on in what is more or less a mosquito infested storage room; force salt down his throat; give him spoilt food to eat; ask him to lie down on the floor facing the ground and jump up and land on his head/kick him around etc. This is besides the fact that on a daily basis she slaps him, knocks his head etc. When I first learnt about this I cried to her and begged her to stop.

He is very hard-working and does every single household chore. Wakes up at 5am and goes to bed 11pm on a good day. He can be very forgetful and dull atimes although I believe a lot of his actions are because he's scared of an angry reaction. I returned home for xmas last year only to find out the same treatment was still going on and this got me really upset and I quarrelled with my mum and told her her actions towards him are one of wickedness. I have a daughter myself and would not like her to speak to me the way I did to my mum, I admit. However I am so disappointed in her and felt pushed to tell her what her actions really are. She obviously wasn't happy with me and has cut me and my family off. I sense that she doesn't want much to do with me anymore. My siblings however see what she does (she actually does a lot of it in their presence but never in front of me); They don't intervene and so in good terms with her. They know what she does is wrong but somehow they can ignore. I on the other hand can't seem to ignore.

Since she has decided to not pick my calls anymore I have decided to write her a letter to apologise for the way I spoke to her cos I really do feel bad about that...however does that mean I like my siblings will turn a blind eye to all these just to get along with her? I still feel it's wrong to treat any human being or even animal that way. I know our relationship can never go back to the way it used to.

Advice please.

hrhobi1: they asked you for money , you say u no get , ok where the gold, no gold , so bear with them stingy woman

agiboma: very well said the entier post but i liked the highlighted part best.

Richvkunt: You can never tell how you will react until it happens to you.
So forget all this hypothesis.

Guitarlife: Eeyah sowi. Can't you see that your thread just played host to the WWIII? Mmhhh I am really happy you are alive too, I was beginning to think maybe you were one of the casualties when you refused to post. BTW, the case of your husband is simple pls listen carefully. You can only change him to a better person or even the best. One tonic conquer's all and it's LOVE. Talk to him with love and as from today let majority of your discussion with him be business oriented. Yeah! Like start giving him business suggestions even if there is no capital yet. The aim is to make him realise he is not a failure just yet. That it only take's one good business descision to right all wrong's then watch your home turn to heaven on earth. Erm erm, you can thank me later too.

steph7: Exactly, what I'm saying, since he knows he gets certain benefits from her, ultimatum is the best case, if not kick his lazy arse out. Lemme  the girl that will want to take in a lazy man. Even if the OP sets up a biz for her husband I'm sure biz will fail, cos that man will be too lazy to run a business

toluxa1: You sure say that one no go be false information?

toluxa1: Lol, yeah. But what would you do?

ifyalways: For me,the best gifts i desire and demand of him are :
He should be the best dad to our kids.Love,correct and nurture them.
Be the best husband i can ever dream of.Give me and only me his heart,body,soul and wallet.
Simply put,give me a happy home,share all my youth with me and grow old with me too.

Dyt: Wat can I say?
Not even been in d marraige world but mayb my little cent cld count

I blv right now, dis is d tym he nids u most, tho you made it sound like he's very lazy, bt I think u should communicate even more with him, tell him how u feel abt d whole issue, I blv he ll change

figures: I am actually crying because all these things are missing in my marriage. I have been married for 4yrs with 2 kids. If I try to talk to him he ignores me or says I talk too much. Mind u, I am the introvert here, he TALKS tooo much disclosing personal stuff to strangers. He hardly appreciates anything I do. Despite the fact that I work full time, I didn't have a house help until I was about resuming maternity leave for my 2nd child( he didn't want househelp). I did all the chores myself, he claims there is a washing machine dat I don't do much. He sits around and sends me on errands. He even says I am lazy sometimes. Since I had a house help I have been relieved. Always complains about about food and he cannot even cook noodles. Many times I regret marrying him. He changed completely. The area of finance is another kettle of fish. I make 90 percent of our income. I work in an oil company ( dis was just after we got married). I see this as a priviledge, so we have 1 purse. He access to my account and monitors my spending. I am not extravagant by any standard. My issue is not in buying clothes etc, he gets angry when ever I send money to my mum or siblings( dey don't know about dis). I am the 1st child and it is my responsibility to take care of them. I have 3 siblings and they are all independent. But once in a while dey need things from me. In fact dey give me more than I give them despite the fact I earn more than dem. If he discovers I sent money home, he sends money one distant cousin too. In fact I have concluded dat he does not love me. I made greatest mistake of my life. Sorry for barging into ur thread op, I just had to vent. I have never discussed this wif any1.

figures: I am actually crying because all these things are missing in my marriage. I have been married for 4yrs with 2 kids. If I try to talk to him he ignores me or says I talk too much. Mind u, I am the introvert here, he TALKS tooo much disclosing personal stuff to strangers. He hardly appreciates anything I do. Despite the fact that I work full time, I didn't have a house help until I was about resuming maternity leave for my 2nd child( he didn't want househelp). I did all the chores myself, he claims there is a washing machine dat I don't do much. He sits around and sends me on errands. He even says I am lazy sometimes. Since I had a house help I have been relieved. Always complains about about food and he cannot even cook noodles. Many times I regret marrying him. He changed completely. The area of finance is another kettle of fish. I make 90 percent of our income. I work in an oil company ( dis was just after we got married). I see this as a priviledge, so we have 1 purse. He access to my account and monitors my spending. I am not extravagant by any standard. My issue is not in buying clothes etc, he gets angry when ever I send money to my mum or siblings( dey don't know about dis). I am the 1st child and it is my responsibility to take care of them. I have 3 siblings and they are all independent. But once in a while dey need things from me. In fact dey give me more than I give them despite the fact I earn more than dem. If he discovers I sent money home, he sends money one distant cousin too. In fact I have concluded dat he does not love me. I made greatest mistake of my life. Sorry for barging into ur thread op, I just had to vent. I have never discussed this wif any1.

lastpage: You think so?
P.M me his phone-number, if you have it or any way l can contact him.
I will call him personally and speak with him.
He is a human being and l believe a father would not intentionally hurt his own blood.

We will speak man-2-man and you will see changes, permanent ones!

If you doubt, try me, when other efforts have failed.

But l hope we are getting the story as it is, exactly?

Lastpage!

breathing: Yeyeruzi makes a good case in my opinion.

I think some people have deliberately misunderstood the OP, just to make their own argument.

I think every good mother when bringing up her children should make a distinction between the boys and the girls, because there really are distinctions. Not as to who is superior or inferior, but as to who is different.

Both are definitely not equal, the male child is stronger and the female weaker. Both shouldn't fight, buh if by chance they fight, as they are sure to do, and the girl hits the boy first, dont you teach the boy not to hit back, and dont you teach him this because they are not equal. Or do you ask him to hit back so he doesn't feel 'inferior'.

As for the boys, 4 instance, they are born with this kinda ego, that when a woman constantly slaps them or pats them playfully on the head like she does with her girl friends, they feel emasculated, and when you continously make men feel emasculated, they tend to avoid you and even more, one can never have a good marriage with an emasculated man. So female children are taught to respect a man's ego.

These are some of the distinctions every good mother must make, it doesn't make anyone inferior. I say this cuz i grew up among just sisters (i have just one brother and he is still little).

So i really didn't get to learn about this inequality and i had a tough time learning that i had to treat a man different from how you treat a woman, and until i learnt it, i didnt have a good relationship with men.

And i, in turn, dont expect men to treat me like they treat their fellow men because we are not equal, i am not inferior, buh i am the weaker vessel. I expect to be treated better, and more delicate.

As for the women who have become feminists because of what men did to them, well, that's just living their lives with lots of bitterness, which they are obviously gonna pass on to their daughters. Women have a hard time letting go of bitter feelings and they don't mind passing it on to the third generation, but this shouldn't be the case, people should learn to let go of bitter feelings, and live healthy realistic lives.

naijababe: Agbaya, na which kain yeye advice be this?

OP,go with Jenny's advice.

I know my hubby reads my post on NL and if he comes across this one, he should know that I'd appreciate a weekend to Rome or Naples on my own, whilst he stays at home with the kids I would still pretend to be surprised

chaircover: Moremi Hen Hen before nko? I am a fat lazy 40 year old woman expecting twins.

@Jenny thank you oooooo. If God blesses me with quadruplets at 60 gan I will say Thank you God and FCcUK the career. Ha! 3 beautiful toothless babies smelling of Johnsons baby powder . . . pure bliss. Mr CC wey u dey o! Abeg forget the X5 we need a Chrysler Voyager. My prayer point don increase by one today.

naijababe: Agbaya, na which kain yeye advice be this?

OP,go with Jenny's advice.

I know my hubby reads my post on NL and if he comes across this one, he should know that I'd appreciate a weekend to Rome or Naples on my own, whilst he stays at home with the kids I would still pretend to be surprised

naijababe: Agbaya, na which kain yeye advice be this?

OP,go with Jenny's advice.

I know my hubby reads my post on NL and if he comes across this one, he should know that I'd appreciate a weekend to Rome or Naples on my own, whilst he stays at home with the kids I would still pretend to be surprised

chaircover: Amen ooooooo!!! This is the bit that concerns me jare Special discount for you on your bridal gown when you are ready

elaine mia: Hi,
I'm a married woman with kids(3),and sometimes I feel like marriage and kids are like holding down my dreams n goals in life from coming to fruition.I have an OND in computer science, tried looking for a job, it wasn't easy even considering the fact that it was OND qualification I was making use of,finally I got one as a receptionist. The pay... 30,000k but I had to get a nanny for my kids. Now the nanny was demanding a salary of 20,000k, from where I stay to where I have to work I will spend at least 12,000k on transport! How much was I being payed?! Due to this and my kids...I cudnt leave them without anyone to take care of them I had to forfeit the job. Maybe if I didn't have the kids(not that I do not love them and thank God for giving them to me) I would have been working now. The main issue now is my hubby,if I get some job,he is like no I don't want you to work there if I bring up a business idea he is like no not that kind of business. Recently, I decided to acquire a skill, the 3 I have my eyes on are being a makeup artist, fashion designer or hairstylist cos I work very well with my hands but getting the money to register and learn out of him is a problem. Sometimes I feel like he just wants me to sit at home though he doesn't admit to it. I am tired of being at home year in year out. Pleaseeee I need some candid advice on what to do. Thanks in anticipation.