₦airaland Forum

dayokanu: To kpekus legally

dayokanu: To kpekus legally

Vikin: Babeyo, Once these guys know you are getting married...They all surfaced. I tell you, even if you had waited, they wont come close not to talk of proposing.

Your fiance loves you but i dont think you really love him considering you are even asking questions about you waiting longer.



You know what? Break up with your fiance and go with who ever your mind tells you, by the time you are 40+ you will come back here crying about ...you know what

u av said it all.

@op nawa for u oo,do u even kno wot u wnt at all?do u realy love dos guy? To me u dont love him at all and u aint ready for marriage. U only accepted his propasal cos of ur age and probably u got pressure on u to bring a man home. U better free dat guy and let him get someone who would truly love him.

jeak123: we need 2 ask d essence of creation..is it not for procreation. God said 'go ye into d world and multiply and fill d earth'. How can u multiply without children. I think we need 2 tell ourselves d truh here instead of behaving like we live ind moon and nt here in naija. However, luv is still d pivot of every marriage.

but isnt it d same God dat gives children? So wot would u av sugested d couple d op is talking abt do? Would it av been okay by u if they ad gone astray and looked for a child by all means in ways dat are not of d LORD?

BlueDiva: She is already tired of the marriage.
Let them go for counselling. Nairaland can't solve their problem.

right on point...

hardleyC: Nigeria aint developed as such and if discovered,it might be seen as intruding on her privacy but hey! i gat 2 know wat happens to my baby's huggies cos she practically STEALS them!

What if the camera captures something unpleasant?
should i just "bone" and leave him in the hands of God instead of spying.

Advice/advise needed! Fenks.

hehehehehehehehhehehehehehhehehehehehe. Nawa ooo. But frankly speakin u can use d camera on him or her for ur baby safety,as long as ur baby is concerned,privacy no get meaning oo.

odeexpress: I need advice from experienced Nairalanders on an issue bothering me.

I hardly quarrel or have misunderstanding with my fiancee but once in a while when we do or when she gets upset, she decides to keep quiet and no matter what I say, she would just keep quiet. At the worst, she cries when I react to something she did wrong.

What is of concern to me is the fact that a few hours later after a misunderstanding, when she calls or I call her, she 'd act normal as though nothing had happened. When u want to remind her she 'd simply apologize and ask you to let the issue behind us. She prefers not to discuss it and prefers that the issue(s) should be ignored.

When I try to get her to talk about it, she 'd say she is through with the issue and doesn't want to go back to it. The truth is that she never makes references to them and if its something you want her to stop doing, she 'd discontinue it.
Is it okay to leave issues/misunderstandings in that way without resolving them? What are the risk of leaving issues unresolved and moving on even if you get the desired response or change?

very very good. Op, dats excatly woth i do also in my relationship and it as greatly woked for me cos o av a very bad temper,my hubby to as a bad anger. I av used this method in my marriage n its been wokin for me(but my hubby n i normaly discuss d isues later in very humble and polite mood wen it as ben resolved).
U av no problem at all as long as she dosnt do all d things dat brot up d misunderstandings. No problem at all.

odeexpress: I need advice from experienced Nairalanders on an issue bothering me.

I hardly quarrel or have misunderstanding with my fiancee but once in a while when we do or when she gets upset, she decides to keep quiet and no matter what I say, she would just keep quiet. At the worst, she cries when I react to something she did wrong.

What is of concern to me is the fact that a few hours later after a misunderstanding, when she calls or I call her, she 'd act normal as though nothing had happened. When u want to remind her she 'd simply apologize and ask you to let the issue behind us. She prefers not to discuss it and prefers that the issue(s) should be ignored.

When I try to get her to talk about it, she 'd say she is through with the issue and doesn't want to go back to it. The truth is that she never makes references to them and if its something you want her to stop doing, she 'd discontinue it.
Is it okay to leave issues/misunderstandings in that way without resolving them? What are the risk of leaving issues unresolved and moving on even if you get the desired response or change?

very very good. Op, dats excatly woth i do also in my relationship and it as greatly woked for me cos o av a very bad temper,my hubby to as a bad anger. I av used this method in my marriage n its been wokin for me(but my hubby n i normaly discuss d isues later in very humble and polite mood wen it as ben resolved).
U av no problem at all as long as she dosnt do all d things dat brot up d misunderstandings. No problem at all.

moremi2008: No, the guy who called it quits with her cousin is a different guy. This new guy, her defacto sugar-son, is the one trying to molest her younger sister.

@ OP, I don't know what to say. This is a touchy situation and I wouldn't recommend that you intervene. At 35, the lady might just need to roll the dice, shoot out some babies and deal with her husband's character flaws later. This is the one time I would recommend the good-old Naija "solution": ignore it and put the lady in your prayers for God to open her eyes to her husband's true nature before it's too late!

tnx moremi for d corections,read it alover again n understood it alot beter now.

Nneson: Am so confussed as to what to do since i learnt of this guy.
My cousine is the favorite of all in my family. Hard working,call her a hustler and dat wont be an exaggeration.
About 35+ and still unmarried with almost all her younger ones and cousines(females precisely) either married or about to, she recetly is hooked to this guy whom despite dat she is older(not an issue for me), she is taking care of this guys bills.
Note she has never been a bad girl,flirt or any thing one can say could be what has kept her this long but to her mum her crime is dat all that has ever come 4 her hand r not from my village. So her mum neva accepted.
Now the last one fought hard and when he won my aunt over,he then calls it quits wiv my cousine.
She does not want any one putting mouth in this current guys case and her youger sis confided in me that dis one whom she is sponsoring and older than snicked into her room one afternoon while she was asleep and attempted molesting her.
If she tells her sis.....would she belive.we r confussed pls help nairalanders.

realy i dont understand u oo. Well d guy in question already called it quits with ur cousin which is good radiance to bad rubbish,abi u no like am like dat? Isnt it better dan ur cousin datin d guy and d guy goin abt molesting all d females in ur family.
BTW if u tell ur cousin she wunt even believe u cos she already dosnt wnt anyone to intervain,except u av a good evidence to justify ur claim which i doubt u av. I would av advice u n ur sister set him up and av him covered on a camera as an evidence but ur chances are 50-50 as he myt not fall for ur setup n tell ur cousin he was being seduced.. Now what

queenafric: @ifyalways, I apologise for my outburst. Really,what came to my mind after seeing prime suspect in ur post was 'criminal'. I should av re-read it to understand it better. Nne biko ndo o. Abeg no vex.

@idowuogbo and taryour, make una no mind me jawee. I just go bebesco.

@OlowoTee dearie, thanks for ur time today. U are right about d weather being so damn hot that I wonder what people that lives closer to d desert face. Right now, my head is banging wit a terrible headache. Need to retire to bed early. Will make d journey back to Lagos tomorrow. Thanks once more for ur time and patience. Lest I forget, expect d e-bill too..lol.

very good dear. Dats a good step u took.
@ify,abeg no vex,i beg on her behalf.biko ndo

ronkebp: All of the above ooooo, if i should start narrating how i am mixed blooded ehn!! this whole page will not contain it. it started from my fore-fathers'.

u are mouthed. Lol

ronkebp: I don't know how to sink it into some men heads, that removing belt on every little thing, is not the best way to correct a child. Nobody should touch my kids oooooo, if they do not want to see' amadioha' in person.

ronkeeeeeeeee, am still laffin heavily. We are on d same plate. Infact d teacher wey go bit my pikin eehnn go smell him own anus.
@ronke,am sure are yoruba but wetin u find reach amadioha side na?

Idowuogbo: Babe chill na! U dey vex gan o!

Madam it's best u re-read ify and efe's comment after taking a long mind cooling stroll.

This guys aren't out to lash u, they just saying a piece for u and Ayomide's safety.

u couldnt av said it any better.
@queen,nawa for u oo, u just readind a completely diffrent meaning to thier words. Chilaxx now...

If dis is a true story n d couple ad no child out of d union den indeed it is true love. But such love is very uncomon

@ efema and violent. I admire d way u both av ad ur arguments in maturity,it does show how responsible and matured u both her,unlike some in other threads. Tumbs up to u both.
Efe abeg remember to call me for d next class ooo. Lol

moremi2008: What exactly is your point? You are barely making any sense. You are scared of marriage? Then don't fcking get married. Nobody has put a gun to your head.

ps - Instead of worrying about marriage, you might want to invest in a private English tutor. Your command of the language is not the best. Good luck!

Lol. moremi i tire for u ooo.

PrettyCindy: AMEN ooo but em you forgot to add something "my son"........a matured man that will love my sweet son and i.

A very big and louder AMEN to ur heart desire. Ur sweet son will grow into greatness ang God mercy and favour shall forever abide with him. And may u grow into old age reaping d fruits of ur labour and see ur grand and great grand children IJN AMEN...

peaceheartt: Hey folks, a close friend of mine who's hubby have bn away for close to 4yrs now have remained faithful all dis period. She is getting worried now dt her lack of intimacy for dis long period of time may constitute a health hazard to her. Is dis true? Does long abstinence pose any health prob
Matured opinions only pl!

nothing is goin to happen to her,she will be fine. Not all reverened sisters are virgins na and nothing happens to dem.

[quote author=Busy_body]Did you not get the memo yet, lol. They call Tati/Daddee/Daddy first, then call a couple of people around you. . .then the neighbour's dog's name. . .then the kitchen sink. . . Then they eventually remember to call Mummy or call you by your real name, so prepare yourself and nor let shock catch you if you hear your son say "Tayo I am hungry [/quote]ol boy,chai ur head dey dia. No b small tin oo. Funny enuf My name is not even tayo but even if he calls me BABY OR ANGEL as my hubby calls me,i no mind oo.

chinwe11: Thanks for your advices/insults sha. I have read them through, and i have decided to help out. I guess the reason why i had to bring this to NL is because most of my frieds kept warning me before wedding that 'DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING DURING THE WEDDING. IT IS THE HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY'. Even my relatives said the same thing, that in Ibo land its the man's duty. You get lots of advise from other women, this morning, a friend was telling me that after marriage, you keep your money and spend his, and they say that is what happens in thier homes. When the issue of bringing the 80% came up, i got worried,, cos i felt it would be like i was marrying my self. I have enough money to foot our wedding and even double of that. But was just worried it would be like i was marrying myself, or the man might take me for granted. Also i forgot to add that when i said he should borrow, i planned that we would pay back from my money, so it wont just look like i GAVE him the wedding money. Anyway sha i would bring my 80%.

Thanks for all your advises oh! I would post the wedding pictures here maybe! Thanks

very good step u av taken my dear. Wot u need to do now is dat u should ensure dis is only btwn u n ur htb. Sit him down n beg him even if u av to kneel down,beg him not to discuss it with anysoul dat u were d one who footh 80% of d bills. Dat way nobody will yarn rubbish. And each time ur friend comes to give u advice or tell u traditon again,just tell dem u av heard n also make sure ur frnds are not aware of d 80% not even ur own parents should be aware.
Secondly, after u become one, make sure for no reason wotsoever,no matter how angry u are,should u even by mistake make mention to ur husband or to anybody that AFTERALL U FOOTH 80% OF UR WEDDING BILL. If u do dat is a very big shame to u as a woman,u would also bring shame to ur husband and make him fell less a man. Good luck to u and all d best in ur Marriage.

Digriz: I was raised by my mother bt my dad really contributed to my welfare and also showed me love though my mum didnt live wt hm.
I grew up knowing hm as my father bcus he played a fatherly rule to me.
My worry is that i nw seems to be closer wt my sibbings frm my mother than frm my father. My mum later married another man likewise my dad though i enjoys good relationship wt both even wt my step parents. I luv my younger sibblings and the respect me a lot bt my feelings for those frm my mum is greater that the ones frm my dad. I stayed more wt my sibblings frm my dad wen i was younger bcus i left my mums place to live wt my dad wen i was eleven,yet i prefer those frm my mum.
Pls is ths natural?

yes it is very natural just as solomto said comin from d same womb n sucked same breast, but try in ur best possible way not to show it inother not to creat more problem btwen ur mum n ur dad or btwen ur siblings.

[quote author=Busy_body]Can't anyone call the cops on him whilst he is beating the boy so they can catch him red-handed.

And why did the Mother abandon her kids![/quote]yes u are right busy body.

Op call d cops while he is @ it so he will b caught in d act,bt dis nija police sef to dey get complain,they myt not even show up untill d useless father is done. U could video him while at it as an evidence,or organise guys in ur area to beat him up each time he beats d boys warning him dats how they will continue to beat him anytime he beats him like that again. Am quite sure d useless otondo father is also a dullard who dint go to skul dats y his mentality is so low. I feel for d poor boy. But d mother too no try oo,she sef na yeye woman...

Nawa ooo. Dis type of story is becomin to much jare... I no even get advice to give for now. I tire for dis kain tori joor

pheesayor: Ayo and Tunde are brothers, Ayo is 11 while Tunde is 8. (Not real names, they are actually igbos).
They live with their father, their mum is seperated from their dad. The elder is very brilliant and catches up easily, he's in jss 2 and his father shows him much love. The younger however is in primary 4 and is not as brilliant / sharp as his elder brother. The father expects him to be as brilliant as the other so he spends time everyday teaching him and overloading his brain, at times to as late as 9-10pm. If he makes mistake the father beats him mercilessly, at times he punches him and even spits on him. Now the boy feels less important and his morale drops by the day, his mother is not home to defend him. The father simply unleashes anger on the boy, as I'm typing his head is swollen and the father has refused to listen to anybody, he has the strong belief that overworking his brain with assignments will make him brilliant. The boy needs help but there is no one to help him.
I know the beatings are not justified but how can the boy be helped before the father kills him?

what a useless father he is,pls report him to d authorities for maltreating his child. Not all child are d same.

Tgirl4real: Please ignore the title.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are asked to chose between empowering yourself or your spouse financially, who would you choose?

Kindly based your answers on a normal circumstance.

Thanks.

first tgirl abeg wetin be genie cos me no go skul n no sabi correct english. Lol

Secondly if am goin to b very sincere with u (chai dis question big oo) i would empower my hubby oo. Reason is becos if i empower myself n leave my hubby will only make him think more of d situation hence leading to depression. It could even make a man loose his own self esteem n make him fell less a man,and not being able to meet up as d head of d family. Or empower d both of us nomatter how small it is so we can both get busy at d same time.

Akpunwa: Same here Taryour. I'll hit the roof with joy the day I hear that.
Motherhood ain't easy but as ronkebp said, it is a long term investment. (Dutiful) Mothers rock!

u can say dat again my dear, am so excited n always listening to him wit lots of atention so i dont miss it wen he pops d word. Lol

moremi2008: Blah, blah, blah... Fatherhood nko?! The cabal don start with PR campaign!

moremi dnt worry,if u are a good father n hubby den u will certainly rock.
My hubby is corently rocking ooo.

agiboma: Not all of them oooo, some are useless sperm donor;s

agioooooooooo. U kill me with laff.

Yes oo i agree with everyone. D best thing dat can happen to a woman is being a mother. Ryt now my son is 8monts + and i cnt wait to hear him say mummy. I dont even know wot i wuld do wen i hear d words. Lol

Lol @ moremi.

Naija Aboki: 1. Composure. No matter what you may think or have heard, guys do not want any gangster chic, they don’t wanta woman who will break a bottle on another’s head because they know that may be their head someday. A composed lady has better promise.

2. Beauty. We really aren’tso crazy about how you look. All we are saying is ifyou lackboobs and hips, try to make sure it’s only one and make up for it somehow. A beautiful brain is an example of a greatasset.

3. Culinary skills. Guys marry women that can cookand date those that can’t. Tryand perfect your Egusi and Afang soup making skills. Thisis a valid plus inyour resume.

4. Don’t believe what you watch on Africa Magic, we don’t want a domineering woman. If you cannot be submissive, we cannot wear trouser with you and fight for who is the man of the house.

5. Talking about Africa Magic, if you are one of those women that sit around all the time and have watched 90 percent of all their movies, then the probability of a good man finding you is low.

6. We fear women that watch Africa Magic becauseweassume you that is yourcitadel of learning. Who wants a woman who has over 3 babalawos’ phone numbers?

7. Manners. That head tapping thing you do when your weave is overdue? Stop it. Hasn’t anyone told you it makes you look like a drug addict craving her next fix? Or are you trying to accelerate the flow of blood in your brain? Stop it.

8. Education.We don’t like when women have all these strange degrees such as Journalism and Medical Genetics. Please stick to Law, Accounting and mostlyHome Economics. Thanks.

9. While still on education, please do not go beyond afirst degree. Why go for a Masters when we already intend to make you the Mrs? Too many university degrees makes us feel likelesser beings.

10. Sex. We will really appreciate it if you have a non-existent sexual life/thoughts before we meet. Let us be the ones toteach you from our experience.

11. Independence. We don’t like our women listening to Beyonce. Remember her trackslike ‘Single Ladies’, ‘Independent Women’, and ‘Girls Run The World’? What kind of brain washingis that? So if you must listen to music, don’t do any of these new songs, do Cyndi Lauper, Dolly Parton, etc.

12. Carriage. Guys want women who carry themselves well. This means we don’t want you looking like the Michelin man or all these Christian mothers.
13. Still talking of carriage,when we go out please respect yourself. Even if there’s no food at home, don’twipe the plate clean. When we go to parties, please all this grinding and‘lepa on the floor’ dance steps should be reserved for when we get back home.

14. Guys do not like hairnets, wrappers and late night egg masks on the face.
Thanks in advance. Your future Charly

hmmmmm
Bt op nawa for uu,if dis is all u lookin out for in wifey den oyo for u oo

taryour: it is totally bad to borrow money for ur wedding.. Its not by force to av a big elaborate wedding n besides lots of food will b waisted were there are some ppl out there hungry and wunt even mind eating d leftovers. Cut ur cloth accordin to ur size but if u insist on a big wedding then u shouldnt av a problem dropin d 80% of d funds if u av d money,afterall d house he got n renovated is for d both of u n ur future kids. This happens only once in a life time so no big deal in carrying d expence, marriage is abt love,so if u truely love him n want him for d rest of ur life use d funds u av n a assure u he would appreciate it n cherish u forever but that dosnt mean U SHOULD PUT IT TO HIS FACE AFTER MARRIAGE THAT AFTERALL U FOOTHED ALL D BILLS WEN U AV ARGUMENTS IN UR UNION. If u ever do such then u are shame to womanhood.

adding to what i av said above op, d 80% money pecent u puting down isnt a big deal if u insist on having an elaborate wedding,but if u dont want to use ur mony at all ( which am sure wiil leave a very very bad impression abt u in ur hubby mind) den cot all expences down n use d 20percent he as left. Ur htb like every oda man in dis life knows dat d man should b d one to pay d bride price no matter how broke he is. Good luck.