₦airaland Forum

ronkebp: This money issue, is what is still causing misunderstandings between my dad and mum, my dad feels he needs to know the in and out of my mum's money and she is like; No!!! you can't know what i earn and how i spend my money.

That is their own wahala, i don't hide what i earn from my hubby, he knows how i spend my money and not that he cares a bit, at least when it comes to money, we are open to eachother, that will be '-1' of marital problems.

I do not think any woman should hide her earnings of money from her hubby,only for reasons that might affect their pockets, example, if the guy is a compulsive gambler, a drunk, a sex addict (who loves to visit brotels), and so on and so forth, apart from these reasons, i really do not see any other reason a woman will be financially stingy to her hubby.

I had a friend who lost her boyfriend over a pack of cornflakes,can you believe that? the guy came over to her place and wanted to have some, and she lied to him that it was mine, as God would have it, i was actually going to her room at the same time she said no to that guy, on getting there, the guy asked me if he could drink some, (meanwhile my friend was stepping on me) and i innocently removed my feet and said the cornflakes was not mine but hers' and i was looking at her, like 'why would you say it was mine, the guy got up and never came back, who knows if he was just testing her. Well, i felt bad afterwards, not for me though, but for her.

ekwah: Just saw this and felt it made sense:

“A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed.

"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balance the check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor; ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night"

ronkebp: Oh so you have not seen where women beat their hubbys' to coma right? my dear, they are many outside, some of these men with their bragodo, get flogged by a woman and not all men are stronger than the women. At least even if she does not win the fight, she can match up to him. It is nonsense to be receiving beatings from a man who is supposed to be your husband and not a father!!!.Any woman that receives a slap from a man and stands there quiet, is digging her grave, small-small.

Outstrip: You project the anger on innocent outsiders. I am sure the housemaid chops multiple slaps for no apparent reason. You reasoning and advice is dangerous.

Outstrip: You project the anger on innocent outsiders. I am sure the housemaid chops multiple slaps for no apparent reason. You reasoning and advice is dangerous.

ronkebp: Tayour i really do not know what you do to your hubby that makes him so mad to the point that he would start to rant on you, why you keep quiet and listen? i am trying to think, the only time i can see my hubby displaying is when i bring a man home to our matrimonial bed or steal his money to go and build a house in lekki< or else i really can't remember my hubby shouting at me as if i was a little child.

debosky: Y'all should modify your moderation tactics to keep this section ticking over

Don't be too quick to lock threads where fighting is going on - it is better to let the protagonists vent all their anger in one place than let them chase each other around NL starting fights everywhere.

Many of the so called fighters are in some shape or form attention seekers (even if they don't know it themselves). Locking the thread too quickly tells them they've been noticed and hence go elsewhere to wreak havoc.

As a now retired mod I've been where you guys are at now - quick to shutdown threads at the slightest angry word. It doesn't work in the end - you need to focus more on the trouble makers rather than locking threads quickly - warning messages work wonders and if such persons refuse to stop, banning them for a few hours usually does the trick.

I know there is a degree of discretion involved in moderating, and you guys shouldn't lose that. Just try to retain some flexibility in dealing with these issues and you'll do well.

Wish you mods all the best!

jennykadry: Ehen woman, what scores have you got to settle with me now?

ronkebp: @ Poster...just invest in a 'karate school" and learn how to fight.....when you are ready, take your kids away from the home,as in keep them away form the boxing arena,. get gloves and nice sneakers, and both of you should fight wella....when you do this for the next three fights beating his arse too, he will stop beating you, violent men only know one langauge, 'violence"!!!!!!!!!. No matter how submuissive you are, you will still receive slap for forgetting to put water on the table for him to wash his hands.

jason123: Woman, I don't know why you are bitter but I have this to tell you.

First of all, my spouse corrects me whenever she sees something she does not like and I take to correction (though, not everything because somethings are what makes me a man. They are my character). She said I shout a lot when I get angry and I took it to heart and changed. I prayed about it with her and CHANGED! I only shout on an average of once every six months and that's if she really annoys me.

Look, in a relationship, the two (man and woman) should respect eachother and try to make eachother HAPPY! If the man does not like what she does, why does she not want to change? Is it until the man finds his happiness outside the home she will change? After all, the man does all his duties and makes sure she lacks NOTHING!

About the violence part, I have never beaten my spouse because my anger sends the message I want it to send. I also annoy her and she passes the message across in whichever way she deems appropriate! We (my woman and I) are PARTNERS!


I am a man, I know the feeling! The woman in question here (OP) does not take his rage serious and therefore, she thinks its okay to do whatever annoys him again and again and again!

What the man is going through is EMOTIONAL ABUSE! and when he could not take it anymore, he translated that to PHYSICAL ABUSE! He simply wanted his spouse to feel what he is going through! We men have emotions as well. When women do somethings, its painful but we take it up the chin and not talk but it does not mean we don't feel it!


OP, you better change your ways and take his correction to heart and I am sure he will NEVER touch you again. Be happy for your husband LOVES YOU DEEPLY (that is why he cares at all)! Please, try to love him back!

ifyalways: @Aluta,your reply just goes to prove what i suspected.Your problem is not just being too blunt but more of poor human relation.

My dear try to loosen up.You don't have to throw away ur unique nature but you are a young girl who would marry someday and 'baby' a man or juniors at work.

The things you say to your roomies might not be bad/mean but because you are always engrossed in your own world and have little or no time for them,they get hurt when you tell them the truth(which they already know) because they feel you see yourself as "miss-i-know-it-all or i'm better than everyone else".

Work on being and maintaining real friendship with people.With friends,you would devise ways of hitting him/her with the truth without hurting them or coming across as miss-i-know-it-all.Friends listen to their mates even when you know s/he is making no sense.Infact building and maintaing friendship brings ease,makes you care about "how and what" u say to next person and IMO,thats just what u need.

Loosen up babe.

jennykadry: There is a serious issue in Nigeria which is really getting worse. Married couples are supposed to be partners but nooooooooo! Instead, a wife working and making money on her own, ties her money to herself while she believes her husband's money belongs to her. Even in cases where the wife is making more money than her husband, she still expects her husband to feed and pay all the bills in the house including her own bills.

Some wives will even wait till their husbands get back from travels before collecting money for feeding the children while the ones they made on their own are pocketed. Situations where some wives buy properties or cars in their own names while their husbands buy properties with their names like Mr Jude & Mrs Princess Okere for property title documents but same can't be said of most 9ja women.

The best you will get from most 9ja women is borrowing which always leads to fight and insults if the husband failed to return it on time.

Now my question is - is this fair to guys or husbands in this society? Why will a woman pocket her own interest funds while she spends the token her hubby makes claiming her money is hers while his money is theirs? What the hell is the meaning of this? Smells like day light scamming....

Guys, is this fair enough? Your wife spending from your money while she keeps hers without even letting you smell it?
Ladies, can your money be shared between you and your husband's equally like men do their wives (note I said husband not boy friend)?
Ladies again , if you are making money more than your hubby, will you be kind enough to relieve him of some major burdens in home expenses without collecting it back claiming that you only borrowed it to him e.g. paying house rent without asking back even if he's not that broke?


Marriage is supposed to be a partnership thing, to show love and support not a choking life decision. What do you think?

agiboma: @ OP have you really thought about this fully. Do you think the grass is greener on the other side. What about your children who will raise them. By the time you leave your hubby will bring someone else into your home, have children with them and forget about you. Woman I would advise you to find a hobby or start a business that makes you happy and forget about your husbands short comings. He is a womannizer from the start you knew that and yet you married him and gave him 3 kids.Look i know how you feel, but womanizers are hard to change and this guy is a typical one. Look their are ways to deal with this type of man that i have discoverd, things that will bring back the spark and romance in your marriage. It's possible OP dont run to divorce court just yet. Try to make your hair, talk to hubby. loose weight if you have too. Go on outings with the family, when he comes home int he evening be friendly. Trust me it goes a long way,when you look @ him try to see the man you loved and married and not the womanizer and source of your misery. How you perceive this man is important because it will either make him draw closer to you or drift apart.

ifegy: There is[b] never[/b] any justification for wife-beating. You do not need to "correct your flaws" to try to stop the beating because the beating should not be taking place, in the first place.

OP, a man who beats you does not love you or respect you. Getting beaten is never your fault. Please get some outside help, fast. Your life is at stake.

jennykadry: Hehehehehehe. So denying him food, sex or talking back at him is enough to make a man beat up his wife and throw her out of the house? Did some of you's say you are married sef, or are you people just mentally retaaarded?

Help me understand please help me.

ifyalways: @OP,what are the "little things" you do that leads to the fight?When he beats and drives you out,where do you sleep or stay until he comes for you?

I don't have an answer to wether he loves you or not as love means different things to different folks(its relative) but i suggest you start by :

Curtailing or minimizing whatever it is that leads to the arguments or fights.You can use another approach/method to tackle whatever it is.

Sit your husband down and tell him you wont have him hit you again.He should talk to you as his wife,an adult when there is an argument and not resort to using his fists.

If there are no changes,you might have to consider counselling.The most important thing is this,you have but one life hence don't hesistate to remove yourself and kids from a dangerous situation first,albeit temporal if things escalates till you find a lasting solution.

Ifymma: I want to share this with you and probably hear your opinion. My husband buys me virtually everything i want including my children, we lack nothing in terms clothing. In terms of foodstuff he buys bag of rice before the old one finishes he has purchase and other one, but provision and everything in the house he provides all for us. He always tells me he loves me But each time i do any little thing to offend him he always gets annoyed and at times beats me and send me out of the house, this makes me hate him because i feel he don't love. Please let me know (Do he really love[color=#990000][/color] me?)

Ifymma: I want to share this with you and probably hear your opinion. My husband buys me virtually everything i want including my children, we lack nothing in terms clothing. In terms of foodstuff he buys bag of rice before the old one finishes he has purchase and other one, but provision and everything in the house he provides all for us. He always tells me he loves me But each time i do any little thing to offend him he always gets annoyed and at times beats me and send me out of the house, this makes me hate him because i feel he don't love. Please let me know (Do he really love[color=#990000][/color] me?)

Mijiromu: My husband did nt relax wt me,he came frm work sat on a chair all by himself for a few seconds,took his bath and eat his food.we did nt play together but his boxer was smelling semen and smell was very strong

ifyalways: Rofl.

I sincerely hope you are merely fooooling around and not serious with this @ OP.

Assuming your man did cheated,would he have used his briefs to clean up or which lady would let a man clean her up with his briefs in this over superstitious naija

Either of yous must have masturbated and forgot to clean up(came on the briefs/panties,didnt clean up properly etc) or just paranoid.

Tgirl4real: Oga Mac, see as ur 'simple' grammer don confuse pesin.

@ post,
It's becoming annoying and I don,t agree it's a phase. Things like this has been going on for little more than a month now. @least since I started frequenting more, its been one fight after the other. And it's usually on threads about abuse, divorce and co.

I wonder if these peeps can't use the same energy to post logically on other threads that equally need attention.

Most times I just ignore as long as no one has reported. It isn't beans cleaning up after you guys.

Please, letz behave like matured adult we are expected to be.

pafestula: If your sister husband disvirgin yr fiancee that
u have nutured for long through rape, what
would you do guys pls comment dis is a
true life story that happened to to friend.

maclatunji: I have seen some heavy artillery being used on this section of Nairaland this weekend. People, what's up with that?

agiboma: HMMMMM loose canon you say!! Well i would of choosen a different word to use i.e lunatic, among other things but thats my opinion. Throwing heavy objects at the love of you life. Hmmmmm and then broadcasting it on NL wow. Well since her support network has sprung into gear lets bring in some reinforcement, thats the reason behind this post.

rokiatu: Like seriously I don't think there is any such thing. The best option is to teach the child after birth.

moremi2008: It's clear that these two shouldn't be together; they don't share the same fundamental values about really important things like number of children, education and financial independence. If she goes ahead and married this dude, this will only the beginning of MANY disagreements. She needs to take this as good warning to back-off.

dayokanu: Look at it this way, a confrontation was brewing and things are about to explode, an infant is in the middle of things? Whats the rational thing to do? push the wife while she is carrying the baby? if he did that what would you say about him?