₦airaland Forum

McCoy662:
Good morning Nlanders, I have this very issue bothering me. I have been in a relationship with this girl for about 3 years now. I love her so much, and she loved me until of recent when she told me that she's no longer interested in the relationship. She told me the stern truth that she was seeing someone else.

It's not like I don't take care of her, because I have given her almost everything she requested from me. I bought 90% of her clothes myself as she can't even buy for herself if I give her the money. I pay her bills too.

Just about 2 months ago, the said guy called me and told me that his gf (my gf) said I'm her ex, and they are now together. This guy is not that rich, he's just on average income scale, he's not super handsome and the worst is that, this girl calls and comes to my house for sex anytime she feels like. But that's all, we are not friends like before, we don't go out together, she don't even oblige my requests anytime I ask her for anything. She doesn't even visit on a regular except for sex.

Right now, I'm fed up; I'm tired of being in this love triangle, though I love her so much.
My guys advised me to beat her up and warn her never to come close to my house again, but I just can't. Though I feel used as a sex object, but I just can't say no to this girl's request.

I don't just know, am I being stupid?? Is there a Best way to handle this in a more diplomatic way?? I really love this girl.

Whatever you do, never lay your hands on her!!!
Your friends are assholes btw.

Look for any Huawei phone that fits your price range. You can check slot for the prices

I kinda doubt if it’s possible to exist just by oneself or sometimes wonder how it will feel if we live isolated lives. Intimate Relationships are vital for humans; the need to give love and to receive love irrespective of your personality. Quite frankly, it’s important to have goals in a relationship so we don’t get stuck in a rot or end up in a negative or an abusive relationship. Real relationship goals act as a benchmark for us to know if our relationship is headed in the right direction. Here are five goals in a relationship that could be a blueprint before getting hooked.

1. Finance
Not all might agree, but being OK financially is a major goal in relationship. Being dependent on a partner for finance brings about too many problems, with a lack of respect, and lordship being in the forefront. What chances does a disrespectful relationship actually have? It doesn’t matter so much your financial state while going into a relationship, but it should be a goal to put your finance intact as the relationship grows. A relationship where both partners are responsible financially is a joy to behold. There’ll be lots of dates, gifts, and vacations together. There’s no denying that money makes love easier a lot easier, and it doesn’t have to be limited to one partner. Both partners being responsible takes the relationship to unprecedented heights with no feeling of a lack of respect. Adequate finance makes date nights a goal, it makes weekend vacations a goal and it builds love.

2. Effective Communication
Almost everyone claims to know the role of communication in a relationship and the steps to achieving it, but if that were true, most relationships won’t be ending in breakups. Communication goes beyond words. At times, not speaking could be a better communication strategy than actually speaking. To effectively communicate, partners need to take out time to understand one another, and that’s exactly why it’s listed as a goal in a relationship.

Most women, for example, do trouble talk in a bid to get their partner’s attention. Now, if a male partner doesn’t understand his woman, he could see that as an act of insensitivity and that could lead to a serious fight. But if he understands that the trouble talking is a ploy to get his attention so he could address an issue, he’s better prepared to handle it.
Also, when women are hurting and need a solution, they often times don’t appreciate when their partner comes and drops the solution right in front of them. For most males, that would do just fine, help with the solution and I’m good to go. But females need more than the solution. They want to be pampered, listened to and cared for before you provide them with the solution.

Most men love to share their dreams with their partners, both the realistic and unrealistic ones, and I think they’ll get highly offended if their partner tells them off. Thriving to boost effective communication as a goal in a relationship is a must in order to have a happy relationship experience.

3. Maturity
Contrary to popular opinion, maturity has nothing to do with age. A mature looking guy could have the brains of a toddler. Maturity in a relationship is one of the most important goals in a relationship. In a relationship that has attained the goal of maturity, partners treat one another as equals. Any partner could voice his/her opinion if he/she finds something offensive without the fear of inferiority. A mature partner mainly for males is able to take corrections from his lady and work towards improving it without feeling offended. A mature partner is able to argue constructively without tearing down walls and hurting the other partner in the process. A mature partner gets angry and doesn’t allow rage to get the better of him/her. Maturity is about being sensitive to the feelings of your partner. Relationships were partners lack maturity are often sad and unhealthy.

4. Endless Dates
One of the main goals in a relationship is to always find one another as exciting as the day you first met irrespective of the time you’ve both spent together.

Having planned traditional dates isn’t only a goal, but it cements the relationship further.
any of the endless dates.

5. Togetherness
My mother is 66 and her favourite line to hit me up …

“who the f*** wants to be 70 and alone?”
Having a lifetime and sharing it with someone special is a dream almost everyone shares and making it a reality is definitely the highest reach of the goal in a relationship.

Ladies generally love to unwide by talking to someone they trust. So as a partner, it’s important you earn her trust and listen to all she has to say, whenever she wants to say it. Treat one another as a priority and always spend quality time together.

Distinct123:
mr tender! That frugality in Africa is stinginess, imaging someone tracking a long distance to where he will be interviewed with the intention of reducing cost forgotten that he could be late,and stressed out which could jeopardize his performance

Lol, that one na stinginess na

Thanks

Nice development

uprof:
Yes! I agree. The scarcity mindset is not really helping us. You believe that giving out what you will make your situation worse off Which is not its from being generous with skills and values

Frugality is not supposed to be mistaken with being stingy. Frugality is about being economical and having a plan for your money.
You could earn 100k for example, and decide to budget 10% for people who need your assistance. Frugality is budgeting and sticking to a budget.

Culture is basically defined as the way of life of a group of people. Nigeria today is one of the nations with the poorest number of people (a.k.a poverty capital of the world), a number which is still growing according to world population.io

Apart from the obvious lapses in the economy and all the other excuses people make, the most important reason for such poverty is the culture of an average Nigerian.

These are four of the toxic cultures that keep Nigerians in abject poverty.


1. Lifestyle
Nigerians love to FLAUNT. They are the kings and Queens of show-off. I’m sure we’ve all come across the tag #kinging. But if we are in a country filled with abject poverty, does that make us Poor Kings?

An average Nigerian has one goal, to appear rich. Mind you, there’s a whole difference between appearing rich and actually being rich. Nigerians will be familiar with the phrase “Never to be caught unfresh”. Well, for those who don’t know what that means, it simply means never to be seen in public not properly (expensively) dressed.

A Nigerian lacks foresight when it comes to money management. We would rather spend all our money in one day (probably birthday) and go hungry the entire month. Let me share a story…

I have a friend who had a graduation event coming up. Mind you, he doesn’t come from the most buoyant of families. In preparation, he was given monetary gifts. He spent every single dime on getting new clothes for the event and feeding people. Immediately the event passed, he went directly to being broke again. The only consolation he had were the pictures he uploaded on social media. The pictures gathered likes and comments, but nothing to relieve his current broke state.

There’s another story I heard from an old friend. While he was growing up in his village in the ’90s, people were involved in a contributory scheme. About a hundred people came together to contribute a particular amount of money each month, then at the end of the month, one person takes all the money. This repeats itself until everyone gets their share.

So let’s say 100 persons contribute 50,000 naira monthly and at the end of the month, one person goes home with 5,000,000 (five million) naira.

Now, do you know what the people do with this money?

They throw parties!!! How ridiculous!

Nigerians are poor, but that statement isn’t true on social media. An average Nigerian on Instagram uploads sophisticated photos even if he/she has less than 10,000 naira (28 USD) in the bank account. You see why I tagged them show-off kings?

There’s an American couple I follow online. They are farmers and have a homestead and a Youtube channel of over 250k subscribers with an average viewing of 100k. Putting it mildly, if this couple isn’t worth a million USD, it will be only a couple of bucks short.

Now, compare this couple’s Instagram handle with thousands and millions of unemployed Nigerians who basically have nothing, but always feel the need to show-off.

If Nigerians should look so good on social media, who then are those that are suffering? You might probably say those suffering are not online. That I totally disagree with. More than half the number of flaunters are not worth 1000 USD (360,000 naira)

I’ve also met a young lady who worked at a bar. At the time, she earned 13,000 naira (36 USD) monthly. She spends most of her income on clothes because according to her…

“What you put on is what people see”

But tell me, who does a young lady earning barely 13,000 naira monthly wants to impress when she should be focused on growing her income.

When you get money, either through work or gifting and the first thing that comes to your mind is how to spend it, that’s an obvious sign of poverty.

Earlier, I talked about the lack of foresight. Let me buttress on that with a simple calculation.

For instance, you’ve 10,000 naira at the start of the month and you know that’s all you’ve got for the month. What a right-thinking person should do is to prepare a simple budget.

We have 30 days or 4 weeks in a month.

N10,000/30 OR N10,000/4
= N333 per day OR N2500 per week

This gives you the amount you have to spend each day or each week for the entire month so you don’t run out of money before the month comes to an end.

But for an average Nigerian, that’s certainly not the case. We do not make any plans whatsoever. We just spend the money as our wants dictate and hope when it finishes, God will send us a good Samaritan.

2. Buying Items
This culture affects mainly the working class. Nigerians who earn salaries monthly are of the opinion that the more things they own, the richer they are. A salary earner wants to ‘Behind’ his apartment to suit his taste, we are all for the comfortable life you see!

Even if the monthly salary can’t afford the luxuries, we either save up or buy on loan. Items like Air conditioning, top-notch flat-screen TV, satellite, generator/inverter, washing machine, and exquisite interior décor are a must-have.

Also, you can’t have a good apartment and not look good outwardly. So the salary earner has to appear sophisticated as well. Expensive outfit, mobile device(s) that match their inflated personality and for those that can afford it, a car.

There’s totally nothing wrong with living in comfort, mostly when you are able to provide it for yourself, but as I said earlier, if the first thing that comes to your mind when you receive your salary is spending it, you’ll hardly ever become rich.

The working-class Nigerians even take loans to buy a car. This is a show of total ignorance especially if the car is for personal use.

We have to realize it is impossible for the government to do everything. All developed countries have rich individuals who invest their wealth in the economy of their countries thereby keeping poverty at the barest minimum.

Salary earners have to do more instead of thinking of their immediate comfort. Earn money, save money and invest money. Grow your money to a point where you’re able to be an employer of labour. Employ people, let your services meet the needs of others. As you lift others out of poverty, in turn, you make more money.

“Saving our planet, lifting people out of poverty, advancing economic growth…these are one and the same fight. ” Ban Ki-moon

“You are truly rich only when you can afford not to work yet maintain your standard of living in perpetuity”

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Thanks guys for the tip. SEO it is then

FP material?

Ishilove:
In that case manage mama like that, but let her know she is embarrassing you, and that if she persists in her bambi ala ways then you will truly stop giving her money (all na mouth but you sha get the point).

She can not change at this stage of her life. She can only be managed.

I agree with this. Mama is already old so no need to get offended. Although subtle threat once in a while should do

Good day bloggers.
Please what's the most effective way to get viewers to my blog posts?

I'm thinking of Facebook advertising, but I want to find out if there are other options

Do you have back links to your site?

I know Google penalizes backlinks that aren't genuine

Why are we so obsessed with outward appearance when the structure itself needs a total reform.

Your thoughts?

...

I’ve heard several young people say “I don’t regret anything” or ” I have no regrets ” or “Life is too short to be sad, always be happy”. It certainly shows a lot of strength, but as admirable as it is, a lack of regret can set you up on a very sloppy path.

Merriam Webster dictionary defines regret as to be very sorry for ones mistakes. Trying to save yourself from the pain of regret goes beyond not admitting your faults, it also points a beam on why you made such mistakes in the first place. We live in a time where we always want to have that positive vibe as often as possible, so it’s easier to dismiss the pain of regret and move on with life.

"When we force ourselves to stay positive all the time, we deny the existence of our life’s problems. And when we deny our problems, we rob ourselves of the chance to solve them and generate happiness. Problems add a sense of meaning and importance to our life." -MarkManson

As humans, we tend to learn more under pain, and pain born from mistakes (regret) can be a very handy tool in learning.

Danger of not admitting mistakes
Not admitting mistakes spares you from the pain of regret but its obvious downside is the failure to learn from those mistakes and else making same mistakes subsequently.

I had a friend back in the day and we had an amazing bond. I soon realised she would do anything to avoid feeling bad, even if it was a result of her actions or somebody else’s’. When she was at fault about something, there was always an excuse to blame me, no matter how absurd it seemed. She never took the time and pain to examine her mistakes, and as a result they kept reoccurring, though in different forms. I didn’t have much say in the matter, but looking back now, I wish I did. I had a friend who was fun to be with and I wasn’t going to let a few misunderstandings get in the way.
Soon enough she started dating the older guys. Mistakes she failed to acknowledge and correct started occurring in the relationships and some got out of hand. I remember there was a situation she cheated on a guy and accused the guy of being the cause.

Learning from mistakes will lead to no regrets in the future.
We are familiar with the idiomatic expression “a stitch in time saves nine”. Regret could just be that stitch that saves you from a million other mistakes.

Why we make mistakes in the first place?
What if told you it was possible to have Zero to marginal regrets without the need to shy away from the pain? Less mistakes results in fewer regrets. Mistakes are a result of ignorance and lack of planning. As teenagers, it’s alarming the amount of decisions we take without thinking.

Consider the true story of a sharp
seventeen-year-old medical student with fine football attributes. One night he
was riding in a car with his cousin, who had picked up a couple of cult
friends. They decide to go scare some rival gang members. To announce their
presence, they hand this kid a shotgun and order him to fire out the window as
they drive through the heart of their rivals’ neighbourhood. An innocent
bystander, whom that boy claimed he never saw, was killed.
If that bloke had for one moment thought about what he was about doing, I’m certain I wouldn’t be referencing this story.

Minimize mistakes
Mistakes are an important aspect of living, so avoiding it totally is almost impossible. However, we can learn from the mistakes of others to avoid repetition or we can develop a thinking pattern to help reduce mistakes and make regrets less painful. Dr Ben Carson in his book ‘Take the Risk’ revealed a thought pattern that I find insightful. He called it the Best/Worst Analysis (B/WAs)

Mistakes will lead to regrets, hence to have no regrets, avoid mistakes
What is the best thing that could happen if I take this decision?
What is the worst thing that could happen if I take this decision?
What is the best thing that could happen if I don’t take this decision?
What is the worst thing that could happen if I don’t take this decision?
Analysing any decision we are about to make by answering these questions gives us a clearer view of the outcome. A positive outcome means a very slim chance for regret while a negative outcome means the decision is better abandoned

Analyzing your decision can lead to no regret
Mistakes = Regrets
Avoiding regrets = Repetitive mistakes
Planning = less mistakes = fewer regrets

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May her soul rest in peace

My blog is pretty new, but you can check it out. Suggestions will are welcome

Www.tenderjukie.com

Lamanii22:
Imagine!!.. Suicide is never an option.... May the lord comfort those that are depressed... Op I'm really happy that you never committed suicide...

Amen. And I'm glad I didn't aswell

iamharkinwaley:
You write well OP

Thanks

pcguru1:
I know a 3rd class student cashing out. I never understood why people would kill themselves over grades when there is business that requires not too much formal education.

Very true

Abcruz:
Whatever you're going through suicide is never an option.

For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion.--Ecclesiastics 9:4

Thanks for your nice words.

It was an experience that happened in the past, and I decided to share it for my blog

...

They steal our common funds while they send their children abroad

Saw the post. Attention seeker definitely

TheSourcerer:
yes sir

Any comment on the post?

TheSourcerer:
nipples belonging to Jesus Christ

Abeg try dy comot the seed next time

TheSourcerer:
Jesus nipples !

Don't get