TheFacelessMan's Posts

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Crime › Re: Half Unclad Man Jumped Out From The Window After Husband Burst In by TheFacelessMan: 1:41pm On Nov 17, 2019

This happened to me once. It didn't end well.

Politics › Re: Kogi: Yahaya Bello Drinks Tea As He Watches The Final Collation Of Results by TheFacelessMan: 12:45pm On Nov 17, 2019

Sikay19:
So, where are those massive votes coming from ?
It beat common sense to say they are products of rigging

1 Like

Politics › Re: Kogi: Yahaya Bello Drinks Tea As He Watches The Final Collation Of Results by TheFacelessMan: 12:16pm On Nov 17, 2019

Reminds me of how Michael told Don Vito Corleone.... "you can not be a part of this" as he wiped out his enemies in The Godfather

You would stay clean while your underlings do the dirty work. Same thing Buhari does when out of the country.

PS - Never met a Kogi person who likes this Bello. Not even one

35 Likes 2 Shares

Christianity Etc › Re: Not All Pastors Are Fake Or Depend On Tithes For Survival by TheFacelessMan: 8:59am On Nov 17, 2019

nineone:
There's nothing like FAKE pastor. All pastors are real and carry out their lies and deception differently

Business › Re: Jet Li And China's Richest Man, Jack MA Arrives In Ghana In Style by TheFacelessMan: 6:43pm On Nov 16, 2019

I beat Jet Li once.

It was actually quite easy.

Do you want to know how i did it?

Romance › Re: Have You Ever Recommended Someone You Are Sleeping With To Another Person by TheFacelessMan: 6:12pm On Nov 16, 2019

I have been recommended so many times that I have long resigned from the ways of the world embarassed

Crime › Re: Cult to Church - True Story Of A Hitman (GRAPHIC IMAGES - VIEWER'S DISCRETION) by TheFacelessMan(op): 10:09am On Nov 16, 2019

This story continues here.......

https://www.nairaland.com/5531906/madly-love-nun-holy-mary

Romance › Re: Madly In Love With A NUN.... Holy Mary Or Marry Me? by TheFacelessMan(op): 9:32am On Nov 16, 2019

Romance › Re: Madly In Love With A NUN.... Holy Mary Or Marry Me? by TheFacelessMan(op): 9:31am On Nov 16, 2019*

My brain sent a signal to my P***S.

[img]https:///media/6-02-2016/XOPgmJ.gif[/img]

YES, you guessed right. I had an stone hard erection. I hadn't been with a woman for at least a month!

Sister Mary was like

She crossed herself and looked away.

1 Like

Romance › Re: Madly In Love With A NUN.... Holy Mary Or Marry Me? by TheFacelessMan(op): 9:31am On Nov 16, 2019*

2 weeks into my ordeal, I was already recovering and eating semi-solid food.

As i had earlier mentioned, she was bathing and feeding me. I am like 6ft 1 inch tall, a giant compared to her 5'7 slender frame.

It was a thankless job because she had to shift me here and there like a mannequin because I was dead-weight, feeble so I couldn't really cooperate with her.

One morning after I had healed a bit, she started to prepare for the early morning ritual of bathing me.

As she pulled open my pyjamas robe, I sensed trouble because..... It seemed all my 5 senses were fully functional.

My eyes saw her full curves, my nose smelt her musk perfume, my ears heard imaginary waist beads tinkling at her waist AND....

As she towelled me down, my skin felt her soft touch AND............

One of the greatest mysteries of the human body, one of the biggest miracles of God Almighty happened!

2 Likes

Romance › Madly In Love With A NUN.... Holy Mary Or Marry Me? by TheFacelessMan(op): 9:31am On Nov 16, 2019

Ladies and gentlemen,

I really need your advice. I am in love with a nun. What do I do?

She is the most beautiful woman you could ever imagine, radiant smile and despite her nun’s habit (clothes), an hourglass figure is barely hidden.

BUT…..I have a very dark past, I have sinned, I have in fact done some terrible terrible things.

She saw me wounded and nursed me back to health.

While I was near death, being a doctor intern she helped extracted the bullets from my body.

She bathed and fed me while I was holed up at her place, wiping tears from eyes when in pain and sweat from my brow in my feverish state.

2 Likes 1 Share

Foreign Affairs › Re: SAS Soldier Who Killed 2 Terrorists During Kenya Attack To Get U.K High Honour by TheFacelessMan: 5:34am On Nov 16, 2019

Ladies and Gentlemen.

I have a confession.

This is one of my several identities. I am so sorry my cover has been blown...

But this is exactly how it happened....

Politics › Re: Why Do You Love Nairaland by TheFacelessMan: 4:54am On Nov 16, 2019

Because it's where I can confess my past as a serial killer and be cheered for it

Romance › Re: Unhappy Married Women Offer Relationship Adviser, Joro Olumofin Free Sex by TheFacelessMan: 7:27pm On Nov 15, 2019

Joro and scams are 5 and 6.

I can bet he invented these self messages tongue

2 Likes 1 Share

Celebrities › Re: Tiwa Savage's Hotel Room At The 7-star Burj AlArab Jumeirah, Dubai by TheFacelessMan: 7:22pm On Nov 15, 2019

OladimejiRufai:
Wow! What a post! What a show!

OP, I read this update thrice and boom... I'm now in the same bed with Tiwa Savage.

You will not believe she's been begging to have sex with me since but I've been declining, doing shakara.

omo I get mind oo But no worries, before I leave here today, I must fvck her at least 27 times.

Thank you OP.

Crime › Re: Identity Of Robbers Who Robbed Forte Oil Filling Station In Umuahia Revealed by TheFacelessMan: 10:25am On Nov 15, 2019

Dechymmytv:
wow bravo... I think I've read this stories somewhere years ago.. I can't remember

Find it and i would give you 100,000 naira ...no questions asked.

Education › Re: Which Popular Person Attended Your Secondary School? by TheFacelessMan: 7:09am On Nov 15, 2019

TheFacelessMan when he was still the Face-Boy

1 Like

Crime › Re: A House Of Death Found In Amaigbo Umu Ano Imo Stat by TheFacelessMan: 4:08am On Nov 15, 2019

I went into a real House of Death and survived the ordeal...

This is a true tale of survival.

2 Likes

Crime › Re: Identity Of Robbers Who Robbed Forte Oil Filling Station In Umuahia Revealed by TheFacelessMan: 8:04pm On Nov 14, 2019

I met this gang way back....

TheFacelessMan:

As an undercover officer in the Nigerian Police, i was caught up in a robbery at the neighbourhood grocery store at Umuahia

After buying St Moritz cigarettes, I was window-shopping - things my 75000 naira salary couldn't buy

I was at the aisle farthest from the entrance when i heard " Make una drop am!!!, biko, biko!!!"

[img]https://media1./images/20f243e697a63f526fc9a81600daed50/tenor.gif?itemid=4885182[/img]

1st lesson of Police training school - assess your surroundings.

I quickly checked the CCTV cameras and i saw 3 fierce looking boys up to no good.

1 was guarding the entrance, 1 robbing customers and the last 1 was stationed on the girl at the counter. Division of labour at its best.

Back to my story, where was I?

I silently said my last prayers under my breath unlike the those screaming "Amadioha, Jesus and Allah" at the top of their lungs.

I drew my service pistol silently and inched forward slowly in combat stance, sweating furiously even under the A.C.

BANG! I plugged the Mr. Customer Service. His blood splashed on one fat Deeper Life looking woman.

" BLOOOOOOODDDDD OFFFFFFF JESSSSSSUSSSS !!!!!!!" She screamed. How she knew his name, i know not

The gunshots were loud and deafening.

Mr. Doorman was trying to run away, fumbling with the lock. I shot him in the back.

Lesson Number 2 : Use maximum deadly force if belligerents are armed. 2 down out of 3.

I turned to face the last one at the counter.

All i saw was the frightened face of the cashier

Lesson Number 3 : How could i forget ? DON'T BE OUTFLANKED. DON'T BE OUTFLANKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Several things happened in the next 5 nerve-wracking seconds......

I looked at the girl's face.... her eyes went behind me AND..........

I looked at the CCTV AND...................................................

My eyes saw a running movement in the cameras AND................

I heard movement behind me

A split second before my eyes + brain + feet + ears combined as ONE!!!!!

https://31.media.tumblr.com/715b9dcb7ae640885b2c0779421c8d43/tumblr_n27d8w1j4p1sr1lf3o1_500.gif

I was already diving when i felt the impact on my back, the force propelled me against the shelf full of cornflakes.

I was coughing up blood, my knees bent..... gun lost in the dive when he walked up to me

He cocked the sawned off shot -gun to dispatch me to my Maker

Lesson Number 99 : ALWAYS keep a side chick

I had a side piece in my ankle holster.... I pulled it and shot him in his right eye.

Maybe i eventually met my Maker, but he definitely did so before me

The End.

Culled from "The Memoirs of The Faceless Man"

165 Likes 16 Shares

Crime › Re: Police Foil Robbery Attempt At CBN In Benin by TheFacelessMan: 10:47pm On Nov 12, 2019

Arysexy:
FBI see o

Shhhhh. You want me to thrash my iPhone 11 so that wouldn't track me ? undecided

Crime › Re: Police Foil Robbery Attempt At CBN In Benin by TheFacelessMan: 10:37pm On Nov 12, 2019

iammo:
Stupidity is trying to rob a CBN with all the weapons they have

I robbed Fort Knox and lived to tell the tale.

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/FrightenedLawfulCottontail-size_restricted.gif

That's a story for another day...

9 Likes 1 Share

Nairaland General › Re: Share Your Frightening But Funny Stories by TheFacelessMan: 10:34pm On Nov 12, 2019

post=77634083:

I remember vividly this happened to me one cold September night in Jalingo, Taraba.

I was drunk and driving my old Volkswagen Passat 1997 model when i saw this young lady by the side of the road at midnight.

hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... i screeched to a halt, i must have been doing 100km/hr and reversed to pick her up.

She was the most shapely lady my 30 year old eyes had EVER SEEN. My p3nis agreed silently in my trousers to that assessment

Cut long story short, i gave her a lift and while in the car, i managed to convince her to take a drink at my place before going home...

I went inside to pee and next thing i saw, this big breasted, big bakassied babe was lying spread-eagle on my bed

Blood rushed into my head and other parts too. My brain screamed "NOOO!!!, ILLOGICAL" while

my diick disagreed saying " YES, SEXUAL"

Frozen to a spot, i happened to glance at my bedside mirror and i saw a rather hairy wolf-like beast lying on my bed

I looked at the mirror....looked at her...repeated same and by the 3rd cycle, the wolf in the mirror smiled hungrily at me, licking its lips

I looked at her on the bed and my erection had long departed. She stared deep into my eyes.

That look of awareness, OF KNOWING and began to stand up,....

https://66.media.tumblr.com/18a40dfbb007866cce3011459a062074/tumblr_pq4mshw7Zt1x1u99ao1_500.gif

To be continued

Culled from "The Memoirs of The Faceless Man"