₦airaland Forum

Both of you never heard of protection?You don't know how to use contraceptives?

I will advise you keep the pregnancy.He may turn around to support you or he may not.Whatever it is,prepare yourself to be a single mother.Let your family know about this so you can get their support because you will need it.
Most importantly,try and find a source of income so you can support yourself and the baby when he/she arrives.

Your husband's ex has a spare key to your matrimonial home?

God fearing guy?Na him e con go kill himself?Omoni you no understand that thing wey u talk.

ezeeuphemia:
uote author=thorpido post=39454911]An affair with your wife's moher?O bu ya bu na ewere.

Bathing with hot water was rather cruel.what makes it cruel

She caused bodily harm to him.There's a civil way to handle this kind of situation.

olamisowon1:
Cruel?? Like really? Let's wait to see what you would do when u catch your dad in bed with your wife. probably castrate him hahahaha

I'll be mad at both of them.He will stop being my dad and she will stop being my wife.Will i harm any of them?No.

An affair with your wife's mother?O bu ya bu na ewere.

Bathing with hot water was rather cruel.

The kind jazz wey dem go take load this guy no be here.

^^^Man has to choose God or mammoth.

This guy is 40yrs and he already has a graduate daughter?

Oma307:
[quote author=MsGlobalwonder post=39448272]preach preacher what is romance ojare. I want to learn too

Cn u tell us wat romance is?[/quote]

Topstarr:
Please what is romance? does it have a limit?

Romance is an expressive feeling one has towards another person.It comes with certain actions and the culmination of it is sexual intimacy.

You can be romantic by sending love notes to each other.
You can cook a special meal just for your partner.
You can dedicate a song on the radio just for that person.
You can take a walk in the park or on the beach together.
You can compose a poem and read to her or have someone else read it.
You can go see a movie together.
You can pay a surprise visit to her at work or school etc
These are all romantic actions.

Dahveydson:
I asked you if Abraham was prosperous before the birth of isaac, you said yes. Now you're contradicting yourself with this wholesomeness talk.

What has the birth of Isaac got to do with Abraham's prosperity?He had an established relationship with God and that was where his prosperity came from.

Gelengelen:
please expantiate on it more



seun lalasticlala



take am go headquarter

Romance is an expressive feeling one has towards another person.It comes with certain actions and the culmination of it is sexual intimacy.

You can be romantic by sending love notes to each other.
You can cook a special meal just for your partner.
You can dedicate a song on the radio just for that person.
You can take a walk in the park or on the beach together.
You can compose a poem and read to her or have someone else read it.
You can go see a movie together.
You can pay a surprise visit to her at work or school etc
These are all romantic actions.

Is romance sex?
Of course you can be romantic as a born again Christian.


That's if you understand what romance really is.

Dahveydson:
I am not challenging the cause of his prosperity, it's your trying to make Prosperity ambiguous that it's been challenged.

I'm not making prosperity ambiguous.There is an english definition of words but there is a biblical meaning to such words which may be different.
The word shalom is where the biblical meaning of prosperity comes from.Shalom means completeness,soundness,wholesomeness,welfare and peace.It includes material and financial gains too.
For example,do you know or have heard of very rich people who can't sleep at night?By the biblical definition of prosperity,it doesn't apply to such a man because the biblical prosperity comes with peace(without worries).
There is the biblical meaning of things which are not just english definitions and that was what I was pointing out.

By the way,i wasn't defending the argument of tithing as the only source of prosperity.

Dahveydson:
Was Abraham not prosperous before the birth of isaac?

Abraham was prosperous before the birth of Isaac but Abraham had had a working relationship with God before the birth of Isaac.That made him prosperous.

Dahveydson:
Prosperity has to do with material and financial gains, so what are you saying?

What limited understanding? A simple concept like prosperity, you want to make it ambiguous? Nice try.

Prosperity is part of it but it's not all of it.Prosperity is not all material and financial.

Have you heard the word 'shalom' before?Do you know what it means?

^^lol
Fo me,only the past that is relevant to the future.

That's because in your limited understanding,you equate prosperity with money.

Doesn't your husband have family members?

What is that money for?

Onegai:
So, so true. Their mothers stayed in bad marriages and taught them to "endure".

I have an aunt, who "endured" a cheating, neglectful husband (polygamy, mistresses, spoke to her as if she was stvpid and uneducated constantly and put her down) and it broke her heart. Since she meant to be "submissive" (according to the wrong definition of what society thinks submission was), she kept quiet to her husband but passed on all her anger and hurt to her children. She over-loved and pampered her boys (seeking validation from males in her life) but was hard on the girls. She best her eldest daughter to the point of giving her a mark over some small slight. Her abusive language to all her kids had no part 2: she would scream "I hate you, I don't love you, if you don't eat your food and fall sick in the hospital, I will never come and see you, you're stvpid etc" over breaking plates, not answering her summons or errands correctly, even playing too much.

That man and his wife stayed married for over 26 years (to the delight of society) but destroyed all their children.

They are all grown up now. First daughter married a man who beat for 12 years till she lost a pregnancy. 2nd daughter married a decent man but keeps waiting for him to vex and cheat and beat her (and is emotionally distant). 3rd daughter has a raging temper, takes it out on the maids (luckily she has a decent spouse who is trying to help her get over her temper). 1st son married a manipulative woman (and his marriage is about to fall apart), 2nd son refuses to get married (he's close to 40).

Nigerian society (made up of you and i) condones systemic abuse and brings up abusers and victims daily.

I also know a physically abusive woman (2 failed marriages and ex-husband's who refuse to keep in touch with even their kids). She's violent to everyone in her life, an avid churchgoer and cries when confronted with her crimes (it is always the victim's fault she lost her temper). Her family keeps shielding her from any wahala by psychologically convincing the victim he/she was at fault (they made one apologise to the woman whilst the bruises on her face were developing). Their reason? "It is a family matter, she will lose her kids if you say anything, we warned you not to live in your own house with her, she's your elder, people will laugh if they hear she hit a man".

Abusers and victims are grown in the gardens of their homes.

So true.Unfortunately,for a lot of victims(women especially),it's the children they stay for that get psychologically damaged.

Captainswag225:
i dont know some people define love,,., they even see abuse as love,,, we should learn to draw e line btn love and violence. To e father's issue, i still hold him partly responsible for her death coz he should have at some point reported it to the cops. Since his daughter wasnt seeing reason he should have taken the neccesary action. Rip to the lady btw.

You know what they say at weddings,'parents please don't interfere in your children's marriage.Let them make their mistakes and learn from it'.
Perhaps,the dad didn't want to be seen as causing a separation in her daughter's marriage.
I won't have that if i were the father however.That was a situation where he needed to take control.

tearoses:
Coco it starts from childhood.
How much self esteem does the child have?
Where does this self esteem start from? . . .the parents.
It starts from the father and the mother . . .They are the kids first and lengthiest teacher.
When you teach a child to believe in themselves and you give them a balanced and loving upbringing, then the child becomes confident in him/her self and the child knows what is acceptable and what isn't.
BTW being confident and self assured is different from being rude and abrasive.

It starts from home and the parents have to do a lot of work to bring up a well balanced kid
This will determine the kinds of relationships the kid will even get into in the first instance and this will give them the confidence to say " I deserve better than this" and walk away ASAP even if they find themselves in toxic relationships.

The financial aspect of things swings both ways. I've seem women who make money being abused. Infact in some cases its the money that caused the abuse from men who lack confidence and cant deal with the fact that the woman is making any money
Ive also seen where a woman stays because she has nowhere to go and no way of sustaining herself. This can happen widows with no income who have children and need someone to take care of them. The other day I was reading about a stepfather who was sleeping with his step daughter aged 12

Some women are not entirely blameless too. Some marry out of greed and for the most stupidd reasons and end up marrying Mr "So wrong".
That breaks my heart because if only they had waited and thought about things deeply and picked wisely they could have married a man who treats them with the utmost respect.

As regards male violence, no one should have the right to place their hands on anyone and any woman who does that should be treated the same way that a man who does it is treated; arrested and punished.

Well said.It starts from the family and parents have to do a lot to raise their children to have confidence and a good self-esteem.Unfortunately,many women our mother's generation stayed in bad marriages and what they tell their daughters is 'endure','life is not a bed of roses','I also coped' etc.Things are changing anyway.

EfemenaXY:
My points precisely.

Divorcees need support. Unfortunately, that's the last thing our judgmental society would offer such people.

For now,the support they can get will have to be groups against violence in marriages and women who have been through such.

Captainswag225:
sometimes, i dont understand it too, this cant be love. How can one continue to stay with an abuser and keep getting hurt and say its love.... I think victims should learn to make a choice btn their precious lives and what e society will think abt them...... If letting the society know they are being abused will save their lives then they should do so.

This lady's dad confessed after her death that he knew his daughter was being abused and had spoken to her severally to leave the house but she kept assuring him that he would change.

EfemenaXY:
Societal pressures to stay married at all costs. Or garbage talk that if you leave and the man gets the kids, he'll marry someone else who'll definitely maltreat your kids (evil step mother stuff)

Society also frowns at divorced women and is unforgiving, irrespective of the circumstances that may have led to the split. I read somewhere that even landlords and employers tend to be biased towards such women when they find out she's divorced and automatically assume she's fair game - to their (unwelcome) advances.

So true @ bolded.Society believes if she's divorced,then she's not a good woman and a patient one.
Many landlords don't want to let out their houses to divorced women also because they assume they are unstable.

Captainswag225:
not just in nigeria but in africa and the world, some women are always worried that people will see that her spouse beats her, they deny it when asked, they are also scared society will blame them for being at fault...... I agree with u totally, they should find the courage to leave for their own safety.....more awareness should be raised abt it and people should be encouraged to report any domestic abuse that is happening around them for they could be saving a life.

I have a cousin who worked in the same office with the Skye bank lady that was murdered by her husband.She told me she came to the office sometimes with bruises and tried to explain it away when asked by colleagues.It was when she was murdered that they understood it had been domestic violence all along.I wonder why she stayed in that marriage even when she was the one taking care of the home financially.

The biggest reason in Nigeria has to do with societal expectations.What will people say when I leave my marriage?
Anyway woman(or man)facing abuse should separate first.Find somewhere else to live while you evaluate the marriage.
The society should keep encouraging women to get empowered too.Sadly,a large number of women in Nigeria still see men as meal tickets.

haryhorku:
many suspected rapists are walking freely on Nigeria roads....our judiciary system in collapsing.

It's because in Nigeria,rape is made to look like an issue to be settled with the family.Rape should be an offence against the state.

It's not a sin not to go to church(even at all).However,the bible encourages us not to forsake the assembly of brethren.
One of the strategies of the devil is to discourage people from going to church until they eventually stop going.He does this to make the individual vulnerable to attack.

There should be such effective laws and punishments for rape in Nigeria too.People just get slapped on the wrist in Nigeria.

inze:
. . . word



. . . everyone screaming see a counselor, the above poster went further to complicate issues by adding 'professional' to counselor (A counselor is a professional that gives counsel) and for the record, this is Nigeria and the eastern part of the country at that. 'for where you wan see counselor'

Are you using your village to determine the availability of professional counsellors in Nigeria?
When i say professional counsellor,i mean someone who was trained as one to separate that from someone who just does counselling as a passion.

MissAssy,try to see a professional counsellor.You need to have a session with one.