₦airaland Forum

how do you add a pic in your profile? (sorry if this is the wrong section, but i didn't know where else to post this question)

of course im attracted to him and was sorely disappointed at his personality. but who cares that he is attractive, he's a bad person, and he made me mad.

and so what, it's my choice to wait until marriage, and he should respect that, and if he doesn't like that, he shouldn't have said he was ok with it to begin with and should have never called e back.

what im concerned about is how to deal with him when i see him again.

what they say about Arab men, that they only want black women for pleasure only?

I met one at school, i thought him handsome, so I sparked a conversation with him. after that, every time we saw one another, we would briefly chat. until one day I asked him if it were ok if I added him on facebook. He pretended to fiddle around with his phone, and said he couldn't on facebook from it, then asked for my number.

he called me later on that night, which surprised me, because you are supposed to wait at least three days before you call a girl so that you don't look desperate. That was the first clue right there that something was not right. We had a lengthy conversation. He told me that he had come here from that UAE, and although his dad supported him, essentially he was broke. I really didn't believe that, because his clothes were way too nice. But I allowed him to tell that little white lie, because he probably felt that if he told me that he had money, that that was all that I would want from him, or so he thought.

to make a long story short, he told me he was not looking for a relationship, because he had recently gotten out of "bad relationship, and had been really hurt" ( lol, how convenient.) i really didn't care because I dont want a relationship either. He told me how attracted he was to me, and I immediately cut him off and told him that I was saving myself into marriage, and that if all he wanted was a bed warmer then i was not the one. he said that that was ok.

a couple of days later he called me again. the conversation started off well enough, but then he started talking about all these sexual things that he would do to me, that would only please him, but he would still be able to get some sexual satisfaction from me, because he knew that I was serious about what he said. also, he was like, that if he went out, that i would have to pay my own way, because he was broke. I told him that he better get himself a part time job if he wanted to take me out, because I was a queen and deserved to be treated with respect.

needless to say, I am really mad, because now i have to see this jerk at school, and i really dont know how to act, because its inevitable that I will run into him again. what do i do? and why did he approach me like i was some kind of heaux. I mean i dont dress in revealing clothes at all, and carry myself like a lady. I just dont understand why men always approach me like this. i mean i know im really pretty, but this justs needs to stop. when did men stop respecting women?

if a man hurts a woman, he should be prepared to get hurt too (at least in my case)

@ charly


cute little boy.  

@ Charly, I understand a little better now. You like Nigerians and Africans as a whole. ME TOO.  

I'm AA myself, and I like all people regardless of race. I like learning about different people, places, and ways of life. In fact, I watch infomercials and cry. I watched CNN and the reporter was going on and on about how Lagos was a disgrace of a city, filled with vice and corruption. And I was thinking to myself, he could very easily be describing Baltimore. lol.

I hate xenophobes and ethnocentrism. By being that way you put yourself in a box. Once you open that box, you will find the world to be a bright, shining, coruscating, sparkling world, full of wonders, if only you expand your horizons, and think outside the box.

Also, might I add, when coming onto a forum, or any place in real life where you are the minority, its not necessary to proclaim, " Hey, look at me, I'm different!!" Believe you me, they already know! lol. Some individuals you will find are  nice, others not so nice, but thats with anyone.


In parting. I just wanted to ask you if you have ever heard of the singer Teena Marie? If you haven't, please look her up. Many years ago, she had a duet with Rick James entitled  "Fired and Desire." Such a soulful song that pierced your very being, taking your breath away , leaving you to marvel at the raw sensuality and soul  that this woman possessed. Guess What? She was white as cotton. People were surprised when they realized that this was a white lady singing her heart out in this manner. But you know what? It didn't make one bit of a difference. You know why? She never brought attention to the fact she was white, she rather let people discover this, if they were interested enough in her to even want to know. She let them recover from their shock, and then resumed her searing, sensual songs. "Lady Tee's" as she was affectionaly called, in the end,did not matter .

@op

you say we are all created equally in God's eyes, yet you come on here to defend your interracial relationship, as if seeking approval from the African community. Not everyone will agree with your relationship, and you will just have to accept that fact, and not care what others think.

You should not put so much emphasis on the differences, but revel in them. Try to learn as much about a person as you can, while not trying to conform to your lover's beliefs just to please him. After all, isn't that why he chose you in the first place? Because maybe he found the differences just as enticing and intriguing as you.

People view inter-racial relationships with such disdain, especially those of the same race as your partner, because they wonder are you viewing the relationship as some sort of novelty.They say to themselves, does this individual really like the person, or is this some cheap thrill that will eventually fade? Are they viewing the culture as if it is an oddity, that when the new-ness wears off, will then find the next amusement?

If you truly love this man, you will weather the storms that are sure to come. There will always be problems in any relationship. Although I dont view the fact that you and your bf being different races a problem, its just another challenge that you and he are having to face. TOGETHER. Be prepared for that to be just one of many.

Six really is a bit much, especially if she wants to have a career, and not just a house wife. Perhaps you could hold off on having all of these children all at once. Have one or two every two or three years. Take a three of four year break, and then have some more. She in time might even change her mind, and go along with what you want.

I don't blame your fiance for not wanting six children. If ,my husband insisted I have six children, I'd feel more like a breeder than a wife. I'd also think you wanting me to get stuck with six kids at home was a power play so that I would never be able to leave you.

Also, is this the first time ever that you two have discussed the number of children you want? If this is the first time, then that conversation is long overdue and both you should take responsibility for the quagmire sure to arise from not discussing this sooner!

Also, have you two taken adoption into consideration?

Tosinville:
Sincerely, an american forum will be alright for all these & probably to hook up with ur american dream man, saying these here are just a waste of time.

i didn't come on this forum to meet a man. to tell you the truth my fellow americans prolly wouldn't get it either. I am known for being over the top (in a good way)

i am myself.

and as far as being on here, i happened upon nairaland while doing some research on african countries for school.

i studied this forum for three months before joining

i found the conversations engaging and intelligent. in fact alot of times, the words used by you nairalanders, i have to look up in the dictionary because i dont know what they mean, thus my vocabulary has improved.

you are mistaken
i am not on here because i have some sort of "african fetish"

i just gravitate towards whoever and whatever catches my fancy, regardless of the things that dont even matter like race or color, or cultural differences.

@sauer

there are no outside influences to make me feel this way. i just always have.

plus i read somewhere that the one who gives up control is the one with the true power, because the dominant one in the relationship DEPENDS on you for their pleasure and validation.


but most men would take this to mean that you would allow them to  run over you, hit you, disrespect you

if i were to tell them this

so i tell no one

but its not fair because i am always left feeling so deeply unsatisfied in a relationship, sexually (when i was sexually active) and emotionally.

there is an example that i can give you to explain to you what i mean

once upon a time there was this man and this woman. the woman and man had an argument. but the man desperately wanted to have her back. so he lured her into his abode. And said, baby i am so sorry, and i will prove it to you.  i am your slave. i will do anything you say. for nearly an hour she slapped him, she made him lick her feet, she put a leash on this man, and walked him around the room like a dog.  she made him eat her unmentionables, then she commanded him to make love to her.  the lovemaking was excellent. he said to her, baby i want to give you all my money. this excited the woman, because she felt as if she had total control over him. then out of the blue he flipped the script, and suddenly he was in control. the lovemaking became aggressive. he induced fear and pleasure and pain in her. he made her look deeply into his eyes. you not ***** wit any nigga except me. from then on, she was his completely. it was a game all along. he would woo her once more, by making her feel in control, while all along, he was the true master.

OK2NV:
another confused b@tch

you are exactly the type of man i wouldn't want. you are disrespectful,crude and probably treat  women like a doormat that you wipe your feet on. men like you dont deserve a woman such as myself. i know what i want, and only a man strong enough to lead will get the time of day from me. you, my friend, have not reached manhood, but remain in an eternal limbo, hovering between infancy and Loser Land.

also, might i add



a heart filled with such hate must belong to an owner with a miserable existence.

you will be in my prayers.

god  bless you.

Tosinville:
So u need an african/Nigerian guy or something who knows how to treat a lady right & put his woman first?

i don't know. maybe. do nigerian guys meet my criteria?

My hands tremble in nervousness as I pen this confession, but I cant hold it inside any longer, I must tell someone,

Well you see, every since I was a child, for some reason I have always gotten along with males better than females, have always had male friends. Even learned how to fight from a playmate who was a male. we would spend countless areas, playing video games, then get into arguments, beat eachother up, and then resume playing our games.

As usual, I am getting off subject.

You see, Black men in America love the "shanikas" and "chantes" of the world. I'm sure you have seen them as you enjoy movies stereotyping African American women as the pivoting neck, eye rolling, finger snapping, domineering woman. They say they dont want this, but they do. So in turn,in these relationships, where no one is willing to yield or compromise much arguing ensues, because of course, any real man will not let a woman emotionally or physically abuse him. There are arguments aplenty, and unrest in these sorts of tumultuous relationships.

Never any peace.

There is no paradigm that exemplifies the way that all African American women act, only stereotypes that are thrust upon us, and yes, some are based on truth. Many AA women have no choice but to take on the "Strong black woman" mantle, as they often times are single mothers, breadwinners, sole providers.

The strength and the beauty of the black woman is what men of different races and ethnicities find so alluring.

Sure I am a strong woman, I am an independent woman, and I am very proud to be these things.

But then at other times I have these secret yearnings.

Just the thought makes my breath quicken and desire consume my psyche.

I am a smart, educated, in control woman

but why do i want to give up, to lose this control so badly?

to a man who is worthy

a strong man

a capable man

in all ways that a woman can submit to a man

emotionally

sexually

mind

body

soul

Here is my dilemma


Its so hard to do this with an American man,

They mistake submission for weakness

What they don't understand is that its not weakness, to want a man strong enough, to be able to give all the power to, because weak men will only abuse the power that they give you, not having your best interests in mind.

There are so many weak men across the ocean in this western world who have forgotten what it means to be a man. They have become bytch-i-fied, being raised in a matriarchal home environment with no male role model to teach them how to be a real man

yet and still i have these yearnings. I feel a little embarrassed too. I cant tell too many people, I dont think they would understand.


but yet and still, its what I want.

People choose not to heed the countless warnings via public service announcements and first hand knowledge of someone they know and love who are addicted to drugs.They have this "oh i wont get addicted, that will never happen to me" attitude. In other instances, drugs are also forced on some, others are manipulated into trying them. With some people, it takes years to develop a full blown addiction. Another person might never get addicted, using drugs strictly for recreational purposes.

Addiction first starts in the mind. Once you are psychologically dependent on the drugs, and believe that drugs are the only way to bring you happiness or relief, physical dependency soon follows. Substance abuse is an illness that alters the way the human brain functions. Studies show that even after years of abstaining from drug use, addicts no longer were capable of feeling happiness and pleasure to the extent that they once were before addiction set in.

old men who date young girls many times are very insecure. they want something or someone to control and manipulate, and these activities give them a sense of power in a world where they are otherwise powerless (or at least feel that way)

young women fulfill this craving for control. they use their age of many more years of experience, to play mind games with the young girls, so that she will stay and take his mess.

in time, he will throw her away for the next pretty young thing, or if she is smart, once she has had enough, she will leave him.

these mens' cravings will never be satisfied, so like predators in search for prey, they find other naive young girls, until the day comes, when he runs into a young woman, who is smart enough and clever enough to recognize him for the old dirty perv that he is.

she will do to him, what he once did to the young women unfortunate enough to have crossed paths with him.

he will be drained dry.

like the dog that he is,he will leave with his tail between his legs.

he will go running back to a woman his own age, so that, if he can not have control, he can find comfort and feel appreciated. Security, he finds, is better than having control after all.

Satan does not work for God. Just as human beings have free will, so does Lucifer. Satan is a liar, a destroyer, and a killer. He is the exact opposite of the Lord. He knows that he can not win against God, so he wants to take as many souls with him, who will be damned just like him.

Satan can not do anything without god's permisson. Satan is a tool that is used by God,but he is not in cahoots with him. Evil has always existed, Just as God has always existed. Satan just took it upon himself to wear the armor of, and be the respresentative of evil.

Evil always was. That is why God told us not to eat from the tree. Because then we would have knowledge of things God wanted us to know nothing about. But Satan knew of this evil.

He sat in the throne room of God, and was one of the most beautiful angel there was. God even allowed him to see the energy that is evil. Just as Jesus knew he would be betrayed, so did God.

Remember, evil is an energy, it is a force not to be reckoned with. This is what people mean when they refer to Karma, The energy you put out in the world is the exact energy that will come back to you.

That is the reason that Satan will eventually be destroyed. He believes that he is the master, and can control and harness this energy for him self and be the keeper of it. But he is mistaken. The force that is evil, will eventually come right back around to him,and destroy him.

Satan knows this. I believe he realized this when he was cast from heaven. He knows that he is damned, therefore hehe wants as many souls as possible damned right along with him.

@ amu, does it matter? there are other AA's on here. obviously I have nothing against Nigerians or i would not be one here. so what's the big deal?

Tallest9:
C nigerian film abeg, @op u wud mke a vry gud script writer u knw

i have already. princess beyonce  i think it was called. completely ridiculous but an enjoyable movie nonetheless.

the name alone brings me to laughing fits

no, i'm AA.


but i have had an interest in African Culture since I was a child. my grandfather would tell me stories about his gullah friend. they live islands off the coast of the carolinas. he told me that he spoke geechee. which is very similar to many African languages. the Gullah have also retained a lot of the traditional ways from the motherland.




what made you ask?

Ogidi-Olu:
@Tisa. U fasted 4 two days and u became sick. Now u want to fast 4 three? Are u trying to win a 'fast competition' within u? If u die fasting, dat's suicide and it's a sin! Go to religion section to gain more exposure 'spiritual-wise'.

PS. Pls make ur posts shorter cos reading all these 'essays' make me drowsy.

its not a "fast competition" i sincerely want to do what it is that i say to myself that i will do.I pride myself on meeting goals that i set for myself. how else can i ever get through not making love until marriage. I have accepted the fact that it could many years before I am wed. 

as far as me dying while fasting, i highly doubt that, especially since from now on i will take some sort of supplement for the duration of the fast.

Also, when you fast, you experience a spiritual awakening.  Revelations and epiphanies are received;doors and passage ways are open  to you,  You discover alternative approaches to living your life, thus you gain better understanding of YOU.



What I desire most is to fall in love with someone's mind. then the heart follows.Once we have wed, then and only then, will our  love be consummated. We will  "express love" there is no such thing as making love. The love should already be there to begin with.  Sex is sacred and should be treated as such. It is not merely an amorous activity, but a meeting of two spirits, that intertwine, that join, that become one.  Once he has "put a ring on it", then and  only then, will I permit  myself to experience the complete ecstasy that is the joining of man and woman.


and believe you me, my husband won't be disappointed. I can't wait to be his little freak. 


oh, and by the way, I post in the religion section "religiously"

Ogidi-Olu:
I find this amusing



and why is that?

Do u think fasting suppresses urges or fights temptation? Wu told u all this things?

no one told me about fasting. it is something i decided to do for myself after reading the bible. I just really want to be as close to God as possible and not of the world. In the past I have made horrible choices in life and in men and I WILL NOT make the same mistakes. Although I am disappointed, because the longest I have been able to fast was for two days, then I got sick. so next time im going to have to have some sort of nourishment like slim fast, in order to meet my goal of three days without food. I am trying to live a certain lifestyle. Christianity is not a cloak you can take on and off. All aspects of your life must be changed. And the most important thing is adhering to the doctrines of God and not Being Intimate until marriage. Then once I get married THEN I  will be able to do all the freaky things that I want to my husband, because everything is sacred in the marriage bed. Also, I will know for sure that the man loves me if he is willing to wait for me.

I always gravitate toward the hood dudes and the drug dealers boys. but they never mean me any good and I only  end up being the "good girl" I'm done with  treating men who dont deserve that special treatment, and giving the  my all. My African sisters, you are not the only women who are getting mistreated, mind, body, and soul.  Im sick and tired and have been drained dry. I dont hate men, nor am i bitter, but i also know that i need time away from men to clear my head, and think on what it is that i truly want from a man, and what i am willing to put up with and what i wont accept.And most important of all, I need to put God first.

old dude at church fits the bill. so really im glad that they told me to stay away. and thats why i listened. I am not a 'yes mummy' girl. but a wise man/woman is able to listen to instruction.I'm so glad that I caught myself, with the help of people that are looking out for me. What feels good to you is not always good for you.

i highly doubt that he is in church looking for a girl. he was a member of that church way before i joined. and there are no cute girls there besides me.

any how if its meant to be, then everything will fall into place.

the thing that made me feel guilty was when i was told to "slow down"

I mean i am trying so hard to be a born again Christian. I am preparing myself to not have sex before marriage by fasting. I figure that if I don't eat for a couple of days and deny myself food, then that will prepare me for denying myself sex, which I have enjoyed in the past.

so he wouldn't be getting any booty anyways.

yea i understand where you are coming from inked nerd. actually i told my aunt about the situation, and she said to me, he cant be all that bad if he is going to church, that means that he is seeking god. I mean sometimes during sermons, he dances around, and i think its funny to be honest. he knows what he's doing, because he looked back at me one time. I mean after all, I might be in my early 20's but I'm still a kid in a lot of ways. I remember the first time I saw him, and I thought how handsome he was. He is way taller than me, which I like alot because im 5'11. I went up to him and told him I could tell that he was running the streets and maybe doing things that he shouldn't. He started laughing and told me that i was spot on. I told him that just because that he was doing the wrong thing didn't mean that he couldn't turn himself around, because really, i saw something so beautiful in him. As we began to talk, he grabbed my hands in both of his, and held my hands so gently and made me feel comfortable, something about it felt so right. then after our conversation he gave me a big hug. afterwards, a woman interrupts our conversation and said he comes to church and talks to all the pretty ladies. seriously, you dont want to talk to him. she said this right in front of his face. and as she was saying this, i was thinking to me, there are no pretty ladies in this church.

but anyways, im going to pray on this.

im not exactly on the market for a man, and im not really looking. im a firm believer that everything happens in its own time. so if its meant to be it will happen,


also, was it inappropriate for him and I to hold hands? I didn't think so, but one of my church elders said that i needed to "slow down"

i am too scared to ask why. i dont even want to know why. what does it matter? besides, for years, i never listened to anything that anyone told me, not realizing that they were telling me for my own good. i ended up suffering because of my disobedience, and my disregard for advice. Many lessons i had to learn the hard way. The world disciplined me. So now, if i know that someone is telling me the right thing, i will listen., i can distinguish between wrong advice and right advice. I just dont wish to repeat the same mistakes two and three and four times. I've had enough of that in my life. I just want to do the right thing. and if they are telling me to stay away from him, that's what i will do.

i have no clue why they told me to stay away from him. but my best guess is that they know something about him that i dont. three people warned me about him.

amu ukwu:
:oHow old are you? Do you look dress/dress like a sugar mummy?   

im 22 going on 23 and whatever a sugar mummy is, i sure in heck dont look like one!!!!!


here is moi,



http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa184/essential_tee/46479_1582819732440_1294123992_31607069_2477123_n.jpg





http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa184/essential_tee/100508-032034.jpg






http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa184/essential_tee/101003-013038.jpg






http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa184/essential_tee/07-04-07_1507.jpg









it's not a matter of how i look, but i dont know what to do, as far as dressing like a heaux, thats not me. and random sex isn't either. and men like 30 and up try to talk to me. and i dont want to be in bed with someone who feels like my daddy.  they know more about life, and i dont want them to use what they know thanks to them  being on this earth longer than me, to take advantage of me. that's why i dont like older men. I dont like young boys for obvious reasons. Im not trying to go to jail. but lord some of these 16 and 17 year olds look good. now those i cant wait until they turn 18. but even then i still probably wouldn't want them because i am on a whole other level than them.

*sad face*

and then when it comes to guys my age i get really shy. I dont know how to approach them. they always talk about the latest parties and going out to drink and act silly and smoke mary jane. but i dont do any of these things. Plus, there was a guy i kinda liked at church, but the church elders told me to stay away from him. and because of the person I am, I know that obedience is better than the sacrafice, so i did as they said and left him alone.

How is one to meet a god fearing young man around my age? not necessarily for romance, but to just hang out and chill.

thankyou for the advice so far.

Dyt:
oh my
dis s one of funiest piece v read eva
damn
laughin real hard
sm1 pls stop me


well well
nottin wrong in dat, u gd lookin n every1 wants 2 compliment, dont loose up, hold ur head high, u v a gd hrt dat ur age s nt sn

im serious. I never seem to attract guys my age (i.e. early 20's) they always say i act too "old" many cant handle my maturity but there has got to be one out there who appreciates me for ME.

Ok, so I was at the salon getting my hair done, and the owner of the salon's son (he's maybe 14) had just come in from school. Out of nowhere he came up to the chair I was sitting in, and began to strike up a conversation with me. I thought nothing of it as he was just telling me about his day at school, and how he was in big trouble because of something he had done, and that it was a long story. I gave him a little advice, because he said he was having trouble at school, and that some people didn't like him. He told me he wanted everyone to like him. I told him that that was never going to happen and to just be himself. It was totally innocent on my part. His mother was at the sink washing a clients head, listening to the conversation the whole time. I thought he was a charming young man. I meant no harm, but then his mother yelled at him to sit down,saying that he talked to much and that he would talk my ear off. Finally, by the time it was time for me to go, the little boy opened the door for me, but he only opened it part way, so that I would have no choice but to brush against him. Again I was not thinking anything of it.

A business associate came into the salon, and the salon owner and he were talking business. He comes up to my chair and says hello. I say hello back. Then he says weren't you going to ask me how I was doing? I said I was just about to, actually. Then he said no you weren't. because you really dont want to know how i doing anyhow. I again told him, you are beating around the bush, either tell me or dont tell me. He promptly complimented me and said I was very smart. I expressed to him that I also wanted to own my own business one day, and he gave me very good advice. Once again I thought nothing of it.

But then it occured to me: More than anything, i seem to attract older men and young boys only. Im so confused!!!! I dont want a child, neither do i want a man older than me. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. And this is not the first time this has happened. my 15 year old next door neighbor harrassed me, and bombarded me with love letters until finally I had to tell his mother. Another instance at work, one of my co-workers who is much older than me brought me flowers. Which I thought was highly inappropriate.

I guess the bottom line is, how can i begin to attract guys my own age?